Dauntless Gray
by Savanah Rose
Summary: A generation before Tobias left Abnegation Hana traded her Abnegation Gray with Natalie for her Dauntless Black. After they trade Factions at their Choosing Ceremony their paths should never cross again, but they do. In Dauntless she meets the Pedrad cousins. Contains background explanations for events and characters in the series
1. Chapter 1-Trading Places

**Somehow between reading "Four, A divergent Collection", and "Allegiant" (and yes, that's the order I read them in. I actually read Four before Insurgent, boy did that ruin the surprise of who was at the Factionless Safe House!) I got a very distinct impression of one of the characters. A piece, a sliver may be a better description, of their back story. This story has been working its way through me ever since then. At first I brushed it away, but the more time has gone by the more I have decided I wanted to explore the story.**

**The story has become ****Dauntless Gray****. It is about what I feel I "discovered" between these two books. Tobias tells us in "The Traitor" that it was a "long time" before him that the last transfer from Abnegation to Dauntless happened. A long time is pretty vague, but I would have to guess that Tori with the gray streaks in her hair, would have to qualify as being a "long time" away from her initiation, and I think the person I noticed is a contemporary of hers. (And she isn't the Abnegation transfer. Tori we know came from Erudite.)**

**So who is this person? There were a couple of clues to me as to who this person is. In my mind, you have to remember that Amar in Allegiant told Tris that "I've noticed that when people switch to Dauntless, it creates some of the same types." So look for the person who is the same "type" as Tobias and Tris.**

**Someone who is not covered in noticeable tattoos or piercings. Someone who is serious, not boisterous. Someone who is dignified. Someone who, if Tobias and Tris had been able to finish growing up in a time when there was no war, they would have matured more like this person than any other "adult". There probably aren't even 200 words written about this person, but I feel like I know the secret of where they came from.**

**There is another observation I made from the books that you need to know about for this story. Tobias mentions in Allegiant that "Abnegation was just as broken as the other factions, but its evils were less obvious…" This got me to thinking. Why would the Bureau create broken factions? They wouldn't. The stereo types that they become would have to develop a little at a time.**

**Just like the Dauntless didn't always do bare knuckle fighting, but wore pads, I believe the Abnegation didn't always hide their mirrors behind a panel and only look at them once every three months. So some things that you are used to from the original books won't be quite the same. (Continuing with the example of the Abnegation mirror, I think at the time of this story the mirror is behind a panel, but I think it is used daily before you leave the house. This would allow you to make sure that there was nothing to draw attention to you by the way you look.) (Come on ladies, try to put a bun in your hair without a mirror and tell me it wouldn't draw attention. Mine would!)**

**I think you now have the background you will need for ****Dauntless Gray****.**

**Oh, did you want to know who the last person to transfer from Dauntless to Abnegation before Tobias was?**

**You have to read the first chapter to find that out. Chapter One will be a short chapter, call it more of a prologue if you will, and if you could select "Prologue" instead of "Chapter One" I would, but I know it will drive me crazy to have my chapter numbers not match up so… we start with Chapter One.**

**However, there would be no chapter one without my amazing Beta reader / fact checker / collaborator bahrfamily. Thank you for everything.**

**And officially for the record…**

**I do not own any part the Divergent Trilogy or Four, a Divergent Collection. I have borrowed several of the characters in this story from the Divergent World, and I borrowed the Divergent world itself. These were created by Veronica Roth. The Divergent world and those characters still belong to her. I have tried to keep the story that I have created able to interact with her world and be consistent with all the books in this series published by her as of February 2015. Any mistakes that make that impossible are mine. **

**Chapter One Trading Places**

Part of me feels like I should be insulted. Everyone in my family will be at dinner tonight, and even though Gayle is a member of Abnegation too, that is rare. Gayle, my married sister, will be here with her husband, Stephen, and their baby girl. They will all be here tonight to say good bye to me, because none of them think that at the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow I will choose to stay in Abnegation.

I'm supposed to spend tonight thinking about the results of our aptitude test, and I'll leave early so I can.

But we all know I'm leaving. We all know I don't belong in Abnegation, and that's what hurts the most. None of them believe that I can stay here and be selfless so I can remain with them.

They would all be surprised to find out what my aptitude test actually says. If they had to guess, they would probably guess I received Candor. The truth would shock them. I just have to decide if I'm going to follow what the tests says, pick the faction my family is expecting, or surprise everyone, including myself, and stay.

Even the only reason I can come up with for staying is selfish. My only reason for staying would be to remain with them. To watch my niece grow up. To stay close to my parents. To be there for my younger brother. Can you be selfless for selfish reasons? I don't know about anyone else, I just don't think I can.

I believe in telling the truth, but I do see times when it is better to stretch, ignore, or hide the truth than it is to say the truth. So, I really don't feel like Candor, which my family expects, is for me.

It's the piece of me that I have managed to keep hidden from my family that is calling me.

I hear the front door open, and I hurry to it. Mom must be home. This will be the last time I can meet her at the door and help her, so I do. Maybe there is a little bit of Abnegation in me after all, but it is not enough to keep me here.

I lose myself on the bus thinking not about what someone else might need, like I'm supposed to. Instead I think about dinner last night. The evening was bittersweet. It means so much to me that my family wanted to spend as much of last night with me as they could. It means so much to me that Gayle and Stephen let me have as much time as I wanted with Jillian. I will miss seeing her grow up so much, but I can't stay just to see that.

Even standing, the whole bus ride to the Hub the trip is shorter than it ever has been before. We are here quicker than I want. We wait for everyone else to exit the bus before we, the Abnegation, get off.

We look at the line for the elevator. Do we wait for the rest of our bus to take them up and hope that another bus won't show up in the meantime so we can ride the elevator the Choosing Ceremony, or do we start up the stairs? We stand there until we see the next bus pull up. The next elevator would be ours, but with the sight of that bus we will be selfless: I will be selfless one last time. We take the stairs. I hate climbing the stairs.

I will be one of the first to choose. Everyone will know soon where I am headed. There is an advantage to having a last name at the end of the alphabet today. We will go in reverse alphabetical order, so there isn't long to wait.

When I take my place in the circle, I discover the girl who will choose before me is Dauntless. I have to wonder, will she stay there? She doesn't look conflicted. Compared to the rest of us she looks at ease. Her long blonde hair looks out of place without the wild colors that make up much of Dauntless. Her green eyes have a sparkle and a peace to them. She is beautiful. I glance around the rest of the circle, but no one else catches my attention, only her.

It is Erudite's turn to host the ceremony this year, so Norton, the leader of Erudite comes to the podium to address us. I wish that it was someone else's turn. There is something about Norton that puts me on edge. I'm not sure if it is his wild and shaggy white eyebrows that seem to take up half of his forehead or if it is the white hair that sticks out from his head like he was experimenting with electricity and hasn't taken the time to brush it since then. It might even be the way his hands curve from the arthritis that it is whispered now cripples him. It doesn't matter what it is. It has always given me the creeps.

"Today we are following the path that our ancestors set before us," he starts, his voice rusty from lack of use. "This path leads us away from those things that inspire selfishness, meanness, lies, fear, stupidity, and therefore against war. This path leads us towards our factions. It leads us towards selflessness, kindness, honesty, bravery, intelligence and therefore towards peace."

My mind drifts again to the girl standing next to me. It strikes me as funny when I realize, in that instant that I don't know her name. I have almost no memory of her at all. The Dauntless always make an impression. I may not be able to name many of the sixteen year olds who form this circle from the other factions, but I can name every one of the Dauntless and tell you what wild or reckless event of theirs has burned their name into my memory. Everyone, I think, except this girl standing next to me. I don't remember her at all.

I wonder if her family knows she doesn't fit in, like mine knows I don't fit in. Did they have a gathering for her last night, like my family did for me? Did they come together one last time so they could say good-bye to her? Does she know where she is headed? I glance at her and the harmony I see in her green eyes tells me she knows exactly where she is going, and is at peace with it. If I had to guess, she's not staying in Dauntless; she looks too tame for that. The tranquility in her eyes makes me guess she's headed towards Amity.

I am missing Norton's speech. I pull my attention back to it just in time to hear him close.

"Today we do the logical thing. We give our dependents the chance to make their choice, just as we made ours. We give them the gift of finding their own way. We start with Zellner, Adam.

I watch as Adam Zellner walks to the center, takes his knife, cuts his hand, and lets his blood drop on the dirt of Amity. We have started.

It doesn't take long before we have our first transfer: Wu, Tori. Tori is the Erudite standing on the other side of the girl standing next to me. Her black hair comes to her chin and is held away from her face by her glasses which perch on the top of her head. Her brown eyes sparkle with excitement as she leaves Erudite and heads off to Dauntless.

Then they call the name of the girl next to me: "Wright, Natalie." I watch her carefully to see if she is staying in Dauntless or moving on somewhere else like I suspect. Her eyes meet the eyes of a dark haired boy in blue. She smiles. It almost looks like that smile is just for him, and with their eyes locked she cuts her hand. She holds it out. First I think it is to the flames. Then I realize that it is the bowl behind the coals that she has given her blood to.

I look at her stunned. I wish I could speak to her. I wish that we could have time, even 10 minutes to talk, but there is no time. There was never any time. We were never allowed to discuss any of this, and now it is too late for us to talk to each other, to give each other advice, to warn each other of what lies ahead. They are calling my name: "Wren, Hana". It's time to trade places with Natalie Wright. She gave her blood to the stones of Abnegation the way I should, and I give my blood to the way she should have, to the coals of Dauntless

**So… did you guess it was Zeke and Uriah's mom? Leave me a review, and let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2-Jump

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed and followed! It's nice to know there is interest in this story!**

**Once again a HUGE thank you to bahrfamily, who I think edited this chapter 3 times as I made changes to it! You're the best!**

**Chapter Two- Jump**

I quickly realize that Dauntless means "jump." I saw the Dauntless every day at school jumping off the train when they arrived, jumping on the train when they left, so I wonder why this insight surprises me. When the ceremony is over, we are the first to leave the Hub. We run in a tight pack down the stairs, yet at the end of every set of stairs people jump the last few steps. Sometimes it is only one or two steps, sometime it is five or six. There are even some who skip the landing by jumping over the handrails at the end of the flight and land already one or two steps down the next flight.

I catch these last jumps only when they occur right in front of me. My short stature only gains the view of the back of someone's head when I am a step above them. I wonder sometimes if the world is more interesting if you can look someone in the eyes without having to crane your neck until it hurts to do so.

We near the end of the stairs. I feel the desire to be brave. The need to show myself as one of them grows, the further we descend. If I'm going to be a part of this animal that is Dauntless, I need to do something to prove myself brave. I watch as the boy in front of me grasps the handrail tightly, bends his knees and springs up and over. His hand pushes against the handrail to help him get over the side.

I don't give myself a chance to think twice about what I am attempting. I mimic him. I grab the rail tight. I bend my knees I jump as hard as I can. I feel myself losing my balance. I am going to hit that short wall between the flights of steps. I am going to sprawl on the ground and be trampled by the Dauntless. They will leave me there, and I will be the first to become factionless, if I am lucky and dead if I am not.

At the last moment, right before my legs make contact with the wall, I feel a set of hands on my waist. They lift me up and push me over before letting go, and even then it feels like they are only gone for an instant when they close around me again and steady me to the step. For a moment they help me regain my balance. I quickly turn my head and look up and up into a bronze-skinned with dark eyes. He flashes a wide smile, with a silver ring at one corner, at me, and it takes my breath away. I turn back around to see how close I am to the bottom of the steps. I jump the last three steps, certain that I will not fall this time. Then I turn back around to thank him, but he is gone.

We run the rest of the way to the train, and everyone is jumping again. I look for someone to watch in the crowd in front of us, someone to analyze in the seconds before I make my jump. I see a tall man with black wavy hair and set my gaze on him. He is easily half a head taller than anyone else on the platform. That should make him easier to keep track of and easier to watch, even from my vantage point, a head below most of the Dauntless.

He runs next to the train and with one hand grabs the handle. I can't see his legs, but they must jump up and over into the train car. He lands on both feet. He turns so I can see his profile, and I realize I watched _him_, the guy who helped me in the staircase. My cheeks flush at the realization. I remind myself that no one else realizes I seem to have fixated, unintentionally, on this mystery man.

It is our turn, this group of Dauntless-born and transfer initiates I am surrounded by. We run like our lives depend on it, and I realize that in a way they do. When it is my turn, I grab the handle and jump onto the train. As I do, I realize in the nick of time that he must have pulled himself in with his hand too, and I give myself the last muscle I need to land inside the train car. I'm not on my feet, but I'm not hanging out of the car like most of the other transfers, either.

I roll out of the way and stand up. One of the Dauntless-borns looks at me and smiles. Her skin is a shade lighter than the boy I have been watching today. "Nice job," she says sincerely. "If you would have pulled yourself with your arm a little sooner, I think you could have landed on your feet."

"I'll try to remember that." I smile back at her, "Thank you."

I scan my memory quickly. She got yelled at by my Faction History teacher for hanging by her knees off the sculpture outside the Upper Levels building. Her name, her name is…

"No problem," she sticks her arm out, hand extended towards me.

I remember it just as she says.

"I'm Leeann."

I start to bob my head at her when I realize that her extended hand is there for me to shake. I'm not in Abnegation where we would nod at each other, I'm in Dauntless, and the sooner I start to shake hands, the better.

I put my hand out to hers. Our hands touch, and she grabs mine. I try to match her for strength and speed. We pump hands once, twice, and I give her my name: "Hana."

She nods. "You traded places with Natalie."

I gawk at her with my mouth open. For some reason it never dawned on me that anyone else would see us as having traded places.

"Natalie was the girl before you."

"I know," I say quickly, finding my voice. "I just never thought that anyone else would notice we traded places.

Leeann laughs. It is a light laugh, full of sunlight and open spaces. "Probably no one else did, but you see, Natalie and I became good friends this year. So when she left for Abnegation and the person next to her, who was from Abnegation came to Dauntless…" she lifts her shoulder to her ears, "I kind of took it as a sign that you and I will be friends like she and I were."

I smile. "I like that idea."

"Good," she smiles a wide carefree smile that makes me think of someone, even though I'm not sure who. "Just don't tell Nick or Eli I said that you and Natalie traded places. They'll make fun of me forever if you do."

"Deal," I nod once to seal it, "but who are Nick and Eli?"

She chuckles again. "Nick is my older brother, and Eli is my cousin. They both became members of Dauntless three years ago."

She sits down. "We have a little bit of a ride to Dauntless."

I sit down next to her.

She stares at me.

"What?" I ask her, uncomfortable that her attention is directed at me.

She sighs, "You look great, for an Abnegation, but you aren't in Abnegation any more, and, well, you're going to stand out, a lot, like this."

I look at the transfers and realize she is right. I see a lot of Dauntless black, broken up here and there with some white telling me those people are really Candors. Former Candors, I correct myself. There are two girls whose blue outfits announce they started this day in Erudite. The girls in each faction color attract my attention. I notice, not for the first time, that color notwithstanding, they look very different from me.

"What do you suggest?" I ask her when I'm finished taking note.

"Well," Leeann leans over to me and begins to pull the pins from my hair. I feel the heavy brunette ponytail that I wrapped into the Abnegation bun this morning fall to my shoulder. "That's a good start." She squints her eyes and looks at me critically. "What do you wear under that?" She points at my over shirt.

"A gray T-shirt." An uncomfortable thought builds in my mind. "Why?"

"Can you take it off?"

I swallow hard and look around at the girls again. Leeann, and most of the Dauntless girls, wear shirts that expose more skin than my T-shirt. The Candor girl wears a short sleeved shirt that is open at the throat, where mine is tight against the base of my throat. Even the Erudite girls' shirts show more skin than I do. If I take off my over shirt, that will change; I will show almost as much skin as some of them.

I unclasp the hook and eye at the top and undo each button as I go down.

I pull off the shirt, showing my rather skinny arms, skinnier especially when I compare them to the muscled arms of Leeann. Maybe Dauntless will fill me out and give me muscles. I would like that. I sit there trying to look like I am as used to exposing myself as they are. My eyes dart around the train car to see if anyone is looking at me.

Leeann catches what I am doing. She gives me a small smile. "Tell you what," her smile reminds me of my mother's polite Abnegation smile. "I think you would be more comfortable if you put it back on. Maybe if you don't button it…" her voice tapers off.

I shove my hands back into my over shirt and have it pulled back over my shoulders before she can change her mind.

I leave it unbuttoned. "That's better," she announces. "We'll get you better Dauntless clothes. That will work for now."

"Is that all?"

"No," Leeann flashes her bold bright smile. "How would you like to learn how to shake hands?"

"I was that bad?"

Leeann separates out a lock of her black-blue hair and twirls it around her finger three times. "For your first time to shake hands, it was pretty good, but," she lets the now curled lock of hair go, "for a Dauntless born, it was pretty crummy."

I laugh. "Teach me how to shake hands then."

* * *

By the time we stand up to jump at Dauntless Headquarters Leeann informs me that I could pass for someone who transferred in last year's class, but I'm still not up to the standards of a Dauntless born. "We'll keep working on it," she promises me.

I'm not sure why she wants to make me look like I'm Dauntless born instead of a transfer, but I'm warmed by her friendship, so I'm not about to ask her and possibly end her efforts.

"I'll go first," Leeann looks at me sternly, "but don't wait long after me. It's harder the longer you're on the train. We run out of roof quicker than you'd think. Watch what I do. Jump hard. Stretch out your legs as much as you can. When you hit the roof keep running if you need to. It will help you land on your feet."

I turn Leeann's instructions over in my head while I watch her follow her own directions. The moment her feet clear the train I take two steps back like she did and get a small amount of momentum going into my jump. For a moment I am weightless. Except for the lead weight I feel drop into my stomach; I long to feel my feet on the ground again. As soon as I do I keep my feet moving. After two steps I realize I can stop without falling.

I look at Leeann and find her grinning at me. "Dauntless," she mouths.

I smile, really smile, for the first time in my life, when I realize she is right. Besides those initiates who are Dauntless born, I am the only one standing.

We move over to the edge of the roof where a woman who looks to be my mother's age stands on the ledge. Her short dark blonde hair whips in the wind. "Welcome to Dauntless. We are glad to have so many of you join us." I look around. It is easy to pick out the transfers in the sea of black. So I can count. There are five in the black and white of Candor. One of them, a boy, is hard to pick out. He evidently knew where he was coming today. The white in his outfit is almost non-existent, but I do see it in the thin pin-striping of his shirt. There are the two girls from Erudite. That makes eight of us who transferred. I find myself trying to check out the people in black, to look at their faces in order to make a guess as to how many of them chose to stay in their faction today, but at my height-challenged stature, it is hard to tell how many of them are young enough to be initiates.

"Initiates, step forward." We move as one to the edge of the building. Close to the ledge she stands on, but none of us so close that we are in danger of falling off. I quickly count the Dauntless before she starts talking again. There are nine of them, almost the same number of transfers and Dauntless born. I wonder if that is normal. "I am Ava, a Dauntless leader. You have joined us here because you believe in bravery. We commend you for that. Now it is time for you to start your journey into bravery. You have given your blood to the coals. You have jumped on and off the train. These things were known to you. Now it is time for you to be brave in the face of the unknown. This is the way to Dauntless. Come take the jump of bravery and join us."

For a moment there is silence. The Candor boy who wears almost solid black is closest to the edge. He leans over. "I don't see anything."

"That is why it is a leap of bravery," Ava says lightly. Her green eyes sparkle. "This is how you show us you are ready to be Dauntless. Who will go first?"

No one moves at first. Then a dark blonde boy in Dauntless black steps forward and Ava steps off the ledge onto the roof so he can step on. I struggle for a moment to remember his story. He is Chaz, the boy who climbed the Mid-Levels building and collected the bird nest for our science teacher. Chaz steps on the ledge, and then he glances at Leeann. Even I can tell he is challenging her. She grabs my hand and starts a line behind him, her thin lips set in a stern line. He gives her a mocking grin, salutes, and steps off the edge. There is a collective breath taken by the initiates. Then, at the sound of a whoop from him, we let it out with a cheer.

Ava points the way to Leeann. "Next." She steps up and when Ava says, "Go," she jumps off with a whoop of her own.

The only thing that keeps me from cheering for her is the realization that she has moved me into position so I will be the next to jump off. I am not ready. When Ava motions to me, I step onto the platform. The wind not only brushes the ends of my ponytail into my face, but it whips my unfastened top around me. I realize in a moment of blind panic that this isn't good. Before she can tell me to jump, I pull it off and let it drop to the ground beside me. It has barely touched the ground when I hear her tell me to go. I bend my legs and jump. The wind tears at me for a moment. I clamp my lips together to keep the scream of terror from escaping my lips. Then suddenly it is over. I'm cradled in a net of ropes. A net of ropes? That isn't what I was expecting. A bubble of laughter from relief escapes from my lips. I'm alive. I made it. I see hands outstretched and I roll on the net towards them, taking the first one when I am close enough to reach it. They pull me out of the net and onto solid ground.

"What's your name?" I look into the dark face of a man, at least twice my age. If I had to guess, I'd say he's in his early thirties. His hair is black and braided in tight rows.

"Hana."

He smiles and turns to the gathered crowd. "First Transfer!" he yells. "Hana!"

Then he faces me, his smile fixed in place. "I'm Max. Welcome to Dauntless, Hana."


	3. Chapter 3- Welcome to Dauntless

**Thank you again to bahrfamily for her excellent job as Beta and for being willing to re do this chapter multiple times as I found plot problems with it! **

**Chapter 3 Welcome to Dauntless**

When we have all landed and been pulled from the net Max stands in front of the group. "I'm Max. I'm one of the leaders here in Dauntless. I'm the leader over training. If you have any problems, you talk to your trainer. They'll bring anything to my attention that I need to know." He jerks his thumb towards another man, who I would judge to be about five years older than us. "This is Harrison. He's one of your trainers."

Harrison smiles at us and flicks a blonde ponytail off his shoulder.

Max gestures over his other shoulder at a woman with skin the color of the coffee and creamer my math teacher used to drink. Her hair is long and a darker brown than mine, so it is almost black. The lock next to her face comes to her chin and is dyed a bright blue. The rest of her hair hangs in a braid to the bottom of her shoulder blades, "And this is Jazz. She is your other trainer." She smiles at us, her hands resting on her belly where her baby is making an appearance.

I had never thought about being pregnant in Dauntless before. I wonder how long she can jump on and off a train, and how she will travel when she no longer can.

Max moves so he is at the front of the group and interrupts my thoughts. "We'll separate in a few minutes, but for now everyone stay together."

We follow a tunnel made of stone which seems to head down to the bowels of the earth. The lighting is spaced far enough apart that, at times, the only thing you can see is the faint hope of light again. Suddenly there is a pair of doors in front of us. "Ahead of us," Jazz speaks up, her voice light, reminding me of the music I heard once when we volunteered at Amity, "is the Pit. The Pit is the heart and soul of Dauntless."

At that, Jazz and Harrison each push on a door and the Pit is in front of us. The Pit is the only appropriate thing to call it, because we are indeed in the bowels of the earth. There is no other way to describe it. The Pit looks to have been carved out of solid rock. Several stories up is a glass ceiling. It is the only source of natural light in the whole place. Through it you can see the building above it. The only other sources of lights are the blue lights scattered around the Pit. There are ramps without rails carved into the walls. There are rooms carved into the walls at different levels. It is an underground city. I would have to guess that this huge expanse holds most of what you will ever need in Dauntless.

While we transfers look around with our mouths gaping at everything carved into the Pit, the Dauntless born look slightly bored.

"What do you think?" Leeann leans in and whispers to me.

"This is incredible," I whisper back.

"Nothing like this in Abnegation?" There is a hint of a smile in her voice.

I shake my head. "Nothing close to this in Abnegation."

Jazz continues like she never stopped. "What you need, you will find here in the Pit." She leads us on to the sound of roaring water.

"This," Harrison takes over, yelling to be heard over the churning water, "is the Chasm. There are not many railings in Dauntless. So the fact that there is one here should warn you. Even in Dauntless there is a line between bravery and stupidity. Every year people choose to test that line here at the Chasm. They never win." He pauses and levels a steady gaze on each of us in turn. It lingers a little longer on each transfer then it does on the Dauntless born. It is as if he is trying to brand this warning into us. "Consider this your warning."

We stare, speechless, at the water. To our left, the water is almost calm. There is nothing but the drop to worry about. It is to the right side that you really have to worry. The water smashes and boils around the rocks. Rushing and crashing into everything as it goes. The white foam and the water splash high against the rocks. In the short time we stand here, we see water reach the railing. Crossing that barrier looks very stupid. I shudder, unable to come up with a reason why someone would do that.

I look over and see Leeann's eyes focused on me. I assume, since she grew up with this, she's looking for my reaction. "Amazing!" I mouth to her, awestruck.

She grins at me.

"Ok, Dauntless born!" Max claps his hands, "Time to get to work! Grab a transfer, give them the rest of the tour, get them some clothes, show them the dorms, each of you claim a bed, and meet your trainers in the training room in two hours."

Leeann literally grabs my arm. Then she grabs ahold of one of the Erudite girls with her other hand. The girl has short blonde hair with light brown woven into it. Her eyes are the shade of blue you see in a spring sky. "Angie," she turns to another Dauntless-born girl who is a little on the tall side with dark brown hair and blue eyes. "I say we grab these two."

Angie looks both of us over and nods. "Let's start with clothes. The one in gray could take a while."

"Her name's Hana," Leeann informs her. She turns to the Erudite girl. "I'm Leeann."

"Bekah," she disengages her arm from Leeann and holds out her hand. I watch with envy at the ease with which she shakes her hand. I see again why Leeann said mine needs work.

"And I'm Angie. Ok, introductions are over," Angie smiles. "Let's go shopping."

I quickly learn shopping in Dauntless is nothing like picking up clothes in Abnegation. I know it shouldn't surprise me, but I had never had the imagination to figure out how they did it. I've noticed the kids in school dressed in the same color, but different styles, forever. I just never realized exactly how much effort it takes to do that.

And I do mean effort.

It seems like a good thing Angie decided we should start with clothes. I never thought getting a few outfits could take so much time. After half an hour, Bekah is completely outfitted, and we still can't agree on anything, not so much as a pair of socks, for me. Angie takes Bekah and leaves Leeann and I arguing about a shirt. She walks purposefully around the store with Bekah and piles Bekah's arms full of clothing. "Bekah's finished. Have her try on these." She shoves the pile of clothes at Leeann. "Weed out the impossible ones. I'm going to take Bekah to the dorm so we can try to get four beds close to each other."

Leeann nods. "Good idea."

I shake my head. It sounds like a bad idea to me. Right now I miss the identical outfits of Abnegation. I would be finished, too, if Dauntless all wore the same clothes.

Leeann flips through the clothing and grins at me. "It looks like she picked up one of everything for you. We better get started."

By the time Angie and Bekah get back, I've tried on more outfits than I knew existed, and we've discarded most of them as not working for me. I have to try on the best outfits again to get Bekah's and Angie's input on them. A full hour has passed before we have enough outfits that everyone agrees on for me.

Before today I had never worn anything except the same style of clothes in different sizes. I had no idea of all the options and how different I could look between them. I walk out of the store in my favorite outfit. I'm starting to feel like I fit in. The black pants are more form fitting than the gray Abnegation pants I started in. The shirt turns out to be a compromise. Not short sleeved or sleeveless like Angie and Leeann wanted, not long sleeved like I wanted. The sleeves stop right above my elbows. The neck isn't anywhere close to the base of my neck like I wanted. It skims my collar bone. Bekah picked out the shirt.

"Ok," Leeann takes charge again. "Let's go by the dorms so you can show us our beds. Then we'll show them the rest of Dauntless and head to the training room so we can meet up with the rest of the group."

"Remember how to get there?" Angie challenges Bekah.

Bekah nods and takes the lead. She weaves through a couple of hallways and stops in front of a door marked girls. "We're in here." She opens the door. There are five sets of bunk beds lined up against the wall. Bekah points to the back two sets of bunks. "Believe it or not, we were the first ones here. We grabbed these. I want a lower bunk."

"I do too." Angie jumps in.

"Fine," Leeann says she climbs to the top bunk. "Hana and I will take the top two."

* * *

Exactly two hours after we started, as directed, we find ourselves in the training room. It is a large room with a large circle is painted in the center of the floor. Three walls have punching bags spaced evenly throughout them.

"Welcome to one of the training rooms," Harrison starts when the last of us walks in. "We meet in here or the room next door at eight each morning. We work until six each night with a break for lunch."

"There are four aspects we grade in training," Jazz takes over. "There is the Physical preparedness which includes weapons and fighting. There is the emotional preparedness which has a new aspect this year that we will talk to you about when we get there.

"The third stage of training is mental. We use the fear landscape, where you take what you learned in the emotional stage and apply it to the fears." Harrison explains.

"But throughout the whole training we will be looking at camaraderie. How do you fit in with the rest of the initiates and Dauntless members on a daily bases? We have to know that you will have the back of everyone here." Jazz's eyes roam over all of us.

Harrison checks his watch. "It's dinner time. After you eat you are free for the rest of the day. Training will start tomorrow at eight sharp. Let's eat." With this direction we head together out of the room and to the cafeteria.

We walk into the cafeteria in a group. When we enter, suddenly all of Dauntless is up on their feet. Fists pound the air and tables. Wild yells burst forth. Names of the Dauntless born are yelled with pride. I take in the whole scene. To me, this chaos is as incredible as the Pit and the Chasm. I've never seen or heard so much commotion, especially not in celebration of any person or even group of people.

Back home in Abnegation, Natalie and the rest of those who chose Abnegation today are dressed in gray. It took them minutes, not hours, to receive and change into their clothing. The girls have dutifully pulled their hair back into tight buns. They are well on their way to losing their identity. Abnegation waits for them tonight, and in their first act of service, they will wait on others. After they are presented, quietly and without any fanfare, to those Abnegation members who didn't go to the Hub, they will gather the food that has been collected for the factionless for the last week. With their sponsors, not trainers, they will go out into the factionless sector and feed those that they can find until their supplies run out.

Even though I have known forever, I think, that that would never be the way my Choosing Day ended, I have never pictured anything else. I lacked the imagination to think what the other factions might be doing. I look around the cafeteria. I must start smiling an Abnegation smile, because Leeann pulls me close and yells in my ear. "It's okay to really smile."

I must look puzzled because she continues, "When Dauntless smile, we _really_ smile. It's even okay to show your teeth."

I feel my smile widen, and my teeth show as I laugh. The sound of my own laughter is odd to me. I'm not sure how long it has been since I really laughed out loud, or if I ever even have before.

"Better."

It starts to quiet down. The Dauntless start to sit down as the initiates are led to a table. I sit down between Leeann and Bekah. My eyes wander around the cavern we eat in as I attempt to take it all in. Suddenly, there he is again. He smiles broader than any of the Dauntless. He's not looking at me, but he is looking near me. I don't try to figure out who he is looking at. Instead, I quickly look at the table to see what there is to eat, to keep from accidently catching his eye. It's bad enough that I keep finding him everywhere I look. He does not need to realize that I do.


	4. Chapter 4- Factionless Patrol

**When I run into spots like this one I'll leave you a quick note to let you see where I got the idea that a change was needed from what we read in the original Divergent series. This chapter's quote comes from FOUR: A DIVERGENT COLLECTION. In "The Traitor," when Four is talking to Tris about the change in leadership, after her first simulation his thoughts continue: "Six years ago, the combat portion of training was brief and didn't include bare-knuckled sparring. Initiates wore padding. The emphasis was on being strong and capable, and on developing camaraderie with the other initiates. And even when I was an initiate, it was better than this- an unlimited potential for initiates to become members, fights that stopped when one person conceded."**

**The changes that you will see between Hana's initiation and Tris's have been created with this quote in mind. So here is a look at the first stage of training was like when Hana joined.**

**Also remember that Dauntless didn't always patrol the fence. In Divergent we read, "****We didn't even have guards near the fence until five years ago," says Will. "Don't you remember when Dauntless police used to patrol the factionless sector?" That is part of Dauntless that Hana has joined.**

**And again a huge thanks to Bahrfamily for helping me with this chapter. Not just with my spelling and grammar, but helping to make sure everything works within Divergent…**

**Chapter 4 **

When I landed in Dauntless, I thought Dauntless meant jump. Now, I know the truth: Dauntless means sore.

Every morning, we train in the same training room in which we originally met. It's physical training: exercising to get in shape, fighting instruction to learn how to defend ourselves, things like that. Things I've never done before, but I have discovered these things wake you up, wear you down, and generally make you feel more alive, and more sore, than you ever have in your life.

I've gotten in the habit of finishing breakfast quickly and heading to the training room before anyone else. For the first time in my life, I feel free. Even though, as an initiate, I have directions to follow and places to be at specific times, I am still freer than I ever was in Abnegation. No longer do I need to spend every moment of my time thinking of others and seeing to their needs. Now I can decide to come in early to train, or not. I can stay late to workout, or hangout with my friends in the Pit. I can even go find a quiet corner to myself and just think. I never realized exactly how stifled in Abnegation I was, until I found the freedom of Dauntless.

I wrap my knuckles in tape and head over to one of the punching bags. I have about thirty minutes before any other initiates will come in. We start fighting each other tomorrow, and even though we will wear padding, I'm afraid of looking weak. It doesn't help that when they showed us the padded suits I wasn't sure that any of them would be small enough to really fit me.

It doesn't take me long to find my groove. I feel powerful, hitting the bag enough to make it move. It doesn't move as much when I punch it as when Leeann, or Angie, or Bekah, or Tori, or … well, anyone else hits it, but it does move, and it didn't on the first day, so that is improvement. That is what I focus on.

"Jazz, Harrison!" A male voice booms from the doorway, breaking my concentration. I miss the bag.

"They aren't here yet. It's just me," I call back and throw another punch at the bag, hitting it this time. I blot the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve and turn around to see who it is.

Instantly, I wish I hadn't.

The speaker is _him_. The guy I watched on the first day.

"Can I help you with anything?" I work to keep my voice even and tell myself I have no reason to blush. He has no idea I've watched him. He probably doesn't even remember he helped anyone jump the steps, let alone realize I'm the one he helped.

The piercing in his mouth moves as he plays with it. "When will they be here?"

I check the clock on the wall, not the watch on my wrist. At breakfast, I noticed I grabbed my Abnegation watch today instead of my Dauntless one. My gray band doesn't stick out as much as Bekah's and Tori's blue ones would, but I have no desire to accidently draw attention to it. "They are usually early. I'd guess at least one of them should be here in about five minutes."

He nods absently. "I probably can't find either of them in that time frame. I'll just wait."

"Okay," I pause, wondering if in Dauntless I'm allowed to continue practicing, or if I need to make polite small talk like the Abnegation do.

"Don't let me stop you," he answers my unspoken question.

I smile my thanks. "Fighting starts tomorrow," I shrug and turn back to the bag.

I can feel his eyes on my back, but I try to focus on the bag and not on him. I square off with the punching bag and throw a few punches, hitting it. I kick at it, mad because, as usual I miss it.

"Ok, not too bad." He surprises me by speaking. "Harrison has been teaching you, right?"

I turn to face him and nod.

"Harrison thinks everyone should fight the same way. The way he fights. That it should be all power. I don't agree with him. You aren't built like him. You can't power your way through everything like he can. You need to fight the way that works for your stature. Get in close."

I look at him, my eyebrows rising into my hair line. Get in close, is he kidding? I'll get creamed.

"It worked for Jazz, when we were in training. You're small, smaller than her, but the same strategy should work. If you get in close, your opponent will be at a disadvantage. Their arms and legs are longer. They won't be able to use them with any force. That gives you the advantage. Use your elbows and your knees. They score on contact, so anything you can do to hit an opponent counts. It doesn't have to be a perfect punch."

I nod; what he's saying is starting to make sense.

"And the last thing," he moves in close to me. Before I realize what he's doing, he puts a hand on my stomach.

My whole body stiffens up at his touch, while something that feels like an electric current travels from his hand to my stomach. Besides Leeann, I've never been touched by someone who wasn't in my family. Not anywhere, and certainly no one has ever touched me like that.

"Keep tension here. Just like that." He moves his hand away and smiles at me. "Just don't let your whole body go rigid. You still need to move." His laughing eyes hold mine. I find myself noticing the glints of gold hidden in the brown depths of them. "Okay, Stiff?"

I nod and turn back to the bag to hide my confusion.

I tense up my stomach muscles and swing with my elbow like he suggested. The bag moves more than it ever has for me.

"Looks good."

I throw a couple of punches then move in and use my knee on the bag. I make contact.

"What are you doing here?" I hear Jazz's voice. It sounds slightly suspicious.

"Nice to see you too," there is laughter in his voice. "Are you taking this group to the factionless sector today?"

"Yes," Jazz answers quickly.

"I wanted to see if you could check camera seven for me. One of guys who just came off patrol says the wires are cut on it, but we're still getting a feed."

"Hana," she calls at me, "I have pregnancy brain. Help me remember?"

I nod and hit the bag again.

His laughter echoes behind him as he leaves.

* * *

Walking the streets of the Factionless sector in black is different than walking them in gray. I had never thought about it. Last week I walked these exact same streets. Last week I wore gray. I carried a bag with food and clothes in it, which my mom wanted me to pass out. People came up to me and asked me for food. They quietly thanked me. They bowed their heads respectfully to me.

Today I wear black, and since they won't give us guns yet, I carry nothing. The Factionless that we pass don't even meet our eyes. They glare at us as we pass them. When we see a couple of them standing together, all conversation stops.

We've been walking through the sector for almost an hour when I decide I better remind Jazz about her visitor this morning. "Jazz," I get close enough to her that I don't draw attention to the fact that I'm talking to her.

She looks over at me, her brown eyes questioning.

"You said you'd check one of the cameras." I stay vague, like every word the stranger spoke wasn't burned into my memory.

Jazz looks puzzled for a moment, then nods. "Which one was it again?"

For a moment I wonder if this is a test to see if I was listening in, or to see if I can remember orders. However, there is something in the way Jazz looks that tells me it's not. She forgot about the camera, and now that I've reminded her, she just flat out doesn't remember which camera it is.

"Seven?" I make it sound like a question, not the certainty that it is to me.

Her eyes light up with relief, and she nods. "Harrison!" she calls to her co-trainer.

He stops walking and look at her expectantly. "I got a message this morning," she continues. "I need to check one of the cameras. I'm taking Hana with me."

Harrison nods. "You know the route. If you catch up, great; otherwise we'll see you back at Dauntless."

"Got it." She turns to me with a grin. "Let's go."

Leeann looks at me, one eyebrow raised in question.

I shrug back. There's no way to explain this with a look, or a gesture. I'll have to tell her what happened at lunch, or, judging from some of the looks I'm getting, the next time we are alone.

Jazz and I take off through the maze of Factionless streets. The damage in this sector is everywhere. You have to watch where you are stepping every moment. The pavement is broken; it sticks up a foot in one place, and drops six inches in the next. Streetlamps hang over streets precariously, or have already fallen to the ground in many places. It is an obstacle course like no other, but I know to keep one eye on the space you are going to put your next step and the other on everything else.

Jazz gives me a puzzled look. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Not stumble around here. We take the initiates to areas that aren't as broken and run down as this so no one falls and gets hurt. You walk through here like a trained guard."

I shrug, hoping in vain that the heat I feel in my cheeks isn't visible. "I've been here before," I finally answer.

Jazz slowly nods. "That's right, Abnegation."

Her reaction makes me uncomfortable. I become even more uncomfortable when, at this very moment, I see we are coming up on a group in gray. We are near the Abnegation quarter. They have set up a workspace, and everyone has a shovel. They are moving the destroyed pavement out of the way so they can fix the section. It's the initiates. I know this because I've seen them set out every year in a group to work on the streets as a service project. But even without that memory and without seeing the friends I left behind, I would know they were initiates the moment I see her.

Natalie.

She looks different, not quite as noticeable as she was in Dauntless, with her blonde hair pulled back in that tight Abnegation bun. Her body has lost the curves she had in Dauntless. Baggy Abnegation clothes will do that to you. She looks so different that I might question whether I was right, if not for those eyes. Those bright green eyes draw my gaze.

For a moment, we just look at each other. Like we both know who the other one is. Like we both are trading places in our minds, realizing we could have so easily met like this, with each of us standing where the other one stands, wearing the clothes the other one wears.

One of the boys in her group touches her sleeve. She breaks contact with my eyes and looks at him. She gives him a perfect Abnegation smile, but there is something in the look she gives him that makes me look at him. It only takes me a moment to realize it is the boy she locked eyes with at the choosing ceremony.

I hadn't been paying attention. I missed the fact that he had gone to Abnegation also.

I look away from the group of Abnegation, looking to find Jazz. Luckily we were close to the camera. She doesn't seem to have noticed my interest in the group. She's checking the camera. I quickly move so I am opposite of where she stands and look at it myself.

Jazz looks puzzled. "I don't see anything," she mutters.

I see the cut in the insulation of the wire. It is small and hardly noticeable. In fact, it would be blocked from her perspective entirely. "The wire's not cut. It's the insulation. It's here," I point to it.

Jazz comes over to me and lines her vision with my arm. "So it is. Good eyes." She pauses for a second, looking at the direction of the initiates. I turn to see exactly where she is looking. She's looking at Natalie. She must recognize her too. After a brief moment, she looks at me. "We'd better catch up with the rest," she says softly.

* * *

After lunch, Leeann corners me as soon as we get to the second training room, the one that is set up with targets against the wall. The ones we used while learning to shoot guns. "Why did Jazz want you to go with her?" she asks in a hushed voice.

I look around to make sure no one is listening, but the few others who are here seem to be in their own groups talking while we wait for the instructors to arrive. They aren't paying any attention to us. "When I was practicing this morning someone came in and told her there was possibly a problem with a camera. Jazz was afraid she wouldn't remember so she asked me to remind her. She took me with her to look."

Leeann laughs and nods. "She hasn't been able to remember anything since she found out she was pregnant."

I look at her puzzled then ask, "How do you know?"

"Jazz and her husband, Rais, were in Nick and Eli's initiation group. They're all friends." She shrugs. "I usually sit with them at meals, but I can't do that again until after initiation is over." Leeann sounds disgusted.

There is a moment of silence, and my Abnegation need to fill it with something kicks in.

"I saw Natalie," I inform her.

Leeann bites her lip for a second, then asks, "How'd she look?"

"Plain, gray, Abnegation," I smile. "You know they all look alike."

Leeann laughs, remembering a conversation we had at breakfast a couple of days ago when she had said that. "Just different sizes." she finishes

"And if they could figure out how to get us all the same size," I add ruefully, "they'd do that too."

"Listen up!" Harrison's voice booms in the room.

I look around. I had missed that while Leeann and I were talking, the rest of the initiates and our instructors had come in.

"Today," Harrison continues, "we are going to learn how to throw a knife."

Harrison passes out one knife to each of us.

"One knife?" Chaz, the Dauntless-born who jumped before Leeann, sounds incredulous. "That won't take long to throw."

Harrison stops in front of Chaz. "We don't throw until we know how to hold. You only need one knife to learn how to hold the knife."

Chaz silently groans.

Harrison moves on and finishes passing out the knives. "Take your right hand; place your right finger on the blade so it rests on your second knuckle. Now pinch it with your thumb." He holds his hand up and slowly shows us the right position. He does this three times, from different angles, so everyone can see it.

"Now it's your turn. Grab your knife the right way, and we'll be around to check it."

I grab the knife the way Harrison showed us and hold it. Harrison is the leader closest to me when I have it.

Harrison looks it over and nods. "Just don't hold it too tight. You don't want your hand shaking when you throw.

I loosen up my grip. The shaking doesn't change much.

He shakes his head at me. "Put it in your left hand and try it again."

I shift the knife to my left hand and then grab it correctly with my right. The tremor starts almost immediately.

Harrison narrows his eyes at me. "You scared of it?"

I shake my head.

He cocks his head and looks me in the eyes.

I look him back straight in the eyes. "I'm scared of what I can do with it."

He looks at me, judging to see if I'm telling him the truth. He must decide I am. "You aren't going to be carrying a knife," he shrugs. "It's mainly for show."

For a moment I look at him: it's my turn to decide if he's telling the truth. I decide he is, and in the instant I do, the shaking stops.

Harrison grins at me, shakes his head, and moves on to the next initiate.

"Okay," Harrison picks up where he left off. "It looks like everyone has it." He stands in front of us again. "When you get ready to throw, step forward with your left leg. Point your knife at your target." He demonstrates the position so far. "Bend your elbow to bring your knife straight back, so it is next to your ear. Your elbow should be pointing at your target." He lines up so we can see. "Then you extend your arm out, point where you want it to hit, rock forward, and release it at the target." He throws the knife as he says this.

There is a collective gasp from the group. The blade sticks out of the center of the target.

"Try it a couple of times without letting go of the blade. When you think you have your form, have us check it, and we'll let you know when you can let the knife fly." Harrison moves out of the way.

I move to mimic him, but notice Chaz already has his arm in the air. Harrison walks over to him. "Let's see it." From my limited knowledge, his stance is identical to Harrison. Harrison nods. "Go for it."

Chaz lines up everything the way Harrison demonstrated, but quickly. The knife has left his hand almost before it registers with me that he is ready. The knife sticks in the center of the target, just like Harrison's.

Without a word, Harrison hands him another blade. The two knives stick side by side. Harrison hands him a third blade. He plants it on the other side of the first blade. Harrison nods. "You can help the rest of them."

Chaz smiles and walks up to Leeann. Leeann glares at him as he starts to help her.

"What's up with them?" I whisper to Angie.

"Who?" Angie adjusts her stance a little.

"Chaz and Leeann."

Angie shrugs at me. "They're fighting right now. I give it another two days, tops, then back to normal."

"Back to normal?" I question.

Angie nods and pretends to throw her blade. "They've been head over heels for each other since they were, oh, three." She adjusts and tries again. "But when they fight," she pretends to shudder and holds up her hand to get one of the trainers' attention, "don't get between them."

The thought surprises me. Leeann and Chaz? She's never mentioned anything to me, but we haven't known each other that long, and if they've been fighting the whole time… I wonder what they are fighting about.

I practice my throw a couple of times, and then raise my hand to get the attention of one of the trainers. As I'm looking around, Leeann and Chaz catch my eye. Chaz stands behind Leeann, his arms on each of hers, showing her exactly how to stand. Just before Jazz gets to me, I see him turn his face into her and kiss her ear. Leeann smiles. Guess Angie was right.


	5. Chapter 5- Capture the Flag

**Thank you as always to bahrfamily. I appreciate your help and advice as always. You stretched me on this one!**

**Chapter 5 Capture the Flag**

"Gather around!" Jazz's voice cuts through the sound of knives hitting targets.

I throw my last knife. It sticks about an inch below the center. My best throw so far.

When we are all in a semi-circle in front of her, she continues, "Tomorrow is Capture the Flag." There is cheering and pumping fists from the Dauntless-born. "For those of you who are new to Dauntless, Capture the Flag is a Dauntless tradition, and we take tradition very seriously here."

"What is it?" Abilyn, the lone female Candor transfer, blurts out.

Jazz gives her a glare. She's warned Abilyn, and all the Candor transfers, that they need to learn to wait to ask questions and not just to blurt everything out when they think it.

"A Dauntless game," Jazz answers shortly then continues. "There'll be two teams. Each team hides their flag, and the other team tries to find it."

"The purpose of this game is to see how well you can work together. Camaraderie is important here in Dauntless." Harrison looks at each of us. "We want to see how well you work with people that you haven't chosen to associate with so far."

"The other purpose of this game is to see what kind of strategies you can work out together. We'll be watching your group dynamics, too." Jazz smiles, "Each team will have a trainer with them, but we will only be observing."

"The team captains," Harrison takes over the explanation, "will be our first two jumpers."

Angie, next to whom I am standing, groans softly.

"What's wrong with that?" I whisper to her.

"Chaz and Leeann were the first jumpers. They just quit fighting half an hour ago! We won't even have one meal before they're at it again!" She shakes her head.

"Chaz, Leeann," Harrison calls them up front. "We have chosen your teams to make them as even as possible and to see how you work with different people than you normally do. You'll have the next half hour to do some general strategy. Tomorrow morning we meet at the train at 8:00 AM sharp. That's when you'll find out where we are playing."

"We'll start with Chaz's team," Jazz says. "You're with me. We'll be moving to the other training room."

We separate into our teams. Angie, Tori and I end up on Chaz's team. Bekah is on Leeann's.

"What's even better," Kelly, the flirtatious one of the Dauntless-born, comments as we change rooms, "is that some of the members play with us too!"

Angie shakes her head. She leans into me and whispers, "Kelly's had a thing for Nick, Leeann's brother, forever. She's just hoping he'll be there."

We move to the training room next door and sit on the circle in the middle of the room.

"So," Chaz begins. "Who's my Erudite transfer?"

Tori blinks twice and asks, "How do you know you have one?"

Chaz shrugs. "We had two Erudite transfers. My guess would be that each team got one."

Tori nods. "Logical."

"Ahh," Chaz grins, "you're the Erudite." He waits until Tori nods her confirmation before he moves on. "You're in charge of strategy. Everyone will help come up with ideas, but you are in charge not only of ideas, but also of finding the flaws in the ideas. I don't expect you to come up with all the ideas, just help check them out."

"I can do that."

"Did I end up with the Abnegation transfer?"

"Yes," I try to speak up, but I'm surprised that he called me out.

"Good. What's your name?"

"Hana."

"Hana." He turns to the rest of them. "If anything happens to me, Hana takes over leadership."

I look at him, dumbfounded. Why would he pick me instead of someone he knows and trusts?

He must see the unasked question on more than just my face. "You've been trained, at least a little, for leadership."

"Who are my Candors?"

Abilyn and one of the Candor boys, I think his name is Abe, raise their hands.

"If we capture anyone, you two are interrogation."

Abilyn and Abe give each other a high five.

"The rest of us are Dauntless." Chaz smiles. "Think of us as the troops."

* * *

The next morning, right on time, we meet at the train tracks. There are two lines, one with guns and one with boxes. We stand in line and get our guns first. They are a little different from the guns we have shot in training. "Paint balls," Angie answers my unspoken question grabbing a box and placing it in my hand.

The train shows up. I slip the box into my pocket and sling the gun by the strap across my back. "Leeann's team in the first car! Chaz's team in the third car!" Harrison yells over the sound of the horn. We run to catch the train. I remember Leeann's words that first day I jumped on the train. I pull with my arm as well as jump with my legs, and I land on my feet inside the car. I smile, wishing Leeann were there to see it, but she's in the other car. I move quickly out of the way while the rest of the team, both initiates and members, stream on.

Jazz is the last one on the train, and I watch in fascination as she smoothly pulls herself in and lands gracefully on her feet. Evidently you have to be more pregnant than Jazz to give up jumping on trains. "Sooo…" she stretches it out. "Any guesses where we're playing?"

"Navy Pier!" One of the Dauntless boys yells out.

Jazz shakes her head. "Nope, last year's group played there."

"Millennial Park?" Kelly sounds unsure when she guesses.

"Not there, either."

"Where?" Angie asks, clearly not in the mood for a guessing game.

Jazz gives her a look, but answers, "Lincoln Park."

"The zoo?" Chaz questions.

"The zoo," Jazz confirms.

I'm seated on the floor next to Angie. "What's a zoo?" I ask her in a whisper.

"Place where they used to keep near-mythical animals," she whispers back. "I'm not sure if they really existed or not, but supposedly, before all those people left the city, they kept these strange animals that can't actually survive without people at the zoo."

Strange animals. I shiver at the thought. I wonder what they looked like.

We jump off the train with our watches synchronized to Jazz's, whose is synchronized to Harrison's. We have an hour to find our spot and finalize our plans before we can go looking for Leeann's team. It seems like plenty of time, but Jazz assures us we'll want more.

We don't play around. We get in the pairs Tori assigned us and spread out to look for good areas to hide the flag. "I'm Nick," my partner holds out his hand for me to shake.

I take a deep breath and shake his hand. As she promised, Leeann has been working with me on it. This is a moment of truth. "Hana," I say, shaking it with pretend confidence. "You're Leeann's brother, aren't you?"

He purses his lips to one side. "Is that a good thing?" he asks, noncommittally.

I laugh. "Yes, we're friends."

"Hana," he tries out my name softly to see if he can place me. Suddenly he smiles. His whole face lights up. It reminds me of someone, Leeann probably. He snaps his fingers. "You traded places with Natalie!"

Once again someone has noticed. Once again I'm speechless with surprise that they did.

"What?"

"Natalie was the Dauntless girl next to you who…"

"Transferred to Abnegation," I finish for him. "Yes, I just never thought that anyone else would notice we traded places." I get the feeling I've had this conversation before, and what he says next reinforces that feeling.

"Probably no one else did, but Leeann was good friends with Natalie, and when she left for Abnegation and the next person was a girl from Abnegation who transferred to Dauntless," he shrugs, "I figured it was just a matter of time before the two of you became friends."

I smile. This sounds so familiar. I can almost guess what his next words will be.

"Just don't tell Leeann or Eli that I said you and Natalie traded places. They'll make fun of me forever if you do."

It's all I can do to stifle a laugh. "Wouldn't dream of it," I assure him.

We walk for a moment in quiet. I look around the overgrown vegetation and what looks to be cages. I try not to shiver, but I feel like eyes are watching me as we walk around.

"What about this place?" I point to a large enclosure that has glass along the front and rocks in the middle and back. The rocks are surrounded by stagnant water that probably comes to my waist.

Nick makes a face. "Where would you put it?"

"On one of the rocks surrounded by water."

"How would you get to it? Would you go in the water?" he asks.

"No," I quickly respond. "We'd need to look around for something we could use to create a bridge to it."

Nick cocks his head to one side and narrows his eyes, looking at it. "I like the idea. Let's find Tori. If we leave the bridge up, it will form a path we can pick them off from. No one is going into that water voluntarily."

As we walk away, I notice a sign by the area we've found. It reads:

"**Harbor Seals**

**Latin Name** _Phoca vitulina concolor_

**Class** Mammals

**Order** Carnivora

**Description** Harbor Seals can reach up to six feet in length with males being slightly larger than females. Specially adapted flippers help the aquatic species move quickly through the water while a thick coat of waterproof fur helps the species stay warm in its"

There is a shattered edge where the rest of the sign is missing. I wonder what they looked like and how different things must have been, for them to only worry about staying warm.

* * *

It turns out Tori loves our idea and decides to improve on it, by moving the bridge after we are done, just a little, to create a trap for them when they go to move it into place. Since she's on board, the rest of the team quickly joins in. We find a fallen tree to use as the bridge between solid ground and the rocks in the middle of the water. We decide to put the tree trunk from the glass wall in. The rocks around back will give the guards some cover and allow us to shoot them without becoming too much of a target. Since I found the location, I'm a guard.

By the time we have the tree in place, time has almost run out. We split into guards and spies. The guards, led by me, will take cover on the rocks while the spies, led by Chaz, will go find the other flag and hopefully capture it before they manage to get ours.

We get into position. We find large dead spots in the rocks to conceal ourselves, while still being able to keep an eye on the bridge that we left for them.

Then we wait.

And we wait.

And we wait.

Every once in a while, we hear the splat of paintballs hitting something or someone nearby, but for the most part, the area we are in is quiet.

I feel a pair of eyes on me. I look over to see if one of the other guards is trying to signal something to me, but instead I find I find an ugly face sticking out of a shell. The eyes are small and black. The face comes to a point in the front. There are two legs that also stick out of the front of the shell with long nails on them.

I move in shock, and the animal disappears inside the shell. I tentatively touch it with my finger. It is hard. Like a rock. The face and feet I saw are gone. I turn away from it and watch the flag again, but I can't look away for long. If that thing comes out again, I don't want to miss it.

Suddenly two Dauntless-born boys I don't know from the other team rush into the area. They see the flag, look at each other, and have a quiet argument. The one who thinks they should get help before they move the tree loses. They get ready to move the tree, and just as they put their hands on it, we open fire. They are covered in multi-colored splotches.

Little yelps of pain accompany each hit. They work for a little bit, but they finally back away and go looking for reinforcements.

We don't wait very long for them to show up again. They come back with almost their entire team. From what I can see, the only people missing are Leeann and Rob, one of the Dauntless-born on her team. If we can just hold them off long enough for Chaz and the spies to find their flag, it shouldn't be too well-guarded, but if we fail… it won't take long for them to win.

The splatting noise becomes almost continual as they struggle to get the tree back into place. I'm running out of paintballs. What do we do if we run out? I really wish right now that I'd grabbed a second box.

They get the tree in place and one of the members steps on it. She is slender with blonde hair that waves down to her shoulders, but it's not just blonde. In true Dauntless fashion, someone has dyed streaks of color into it, but it is so unusual and she is so beautiful, that for a moment, I forget I'm supposed to shoot her. There are small streaks of pink and orange in it, and even smaller streaks of blue. The effect when she moves her head is of a sunset. Suddenly, I realize she's almost to the rock with the flag on it. I load my last two paintballs and take aim at her.

They both hit her, and for a moment, she struggles to keep her balance. Someone else shoots her then, and she falls into the dark stagnant water with a splash.

Then suddenly I hear Chaz and the rest of our spies whooping through the area. He is holding up the flag and twirling it triumphantly in the air.

I see Leeann not too far behind him, walking dejectedly. The problem with winning: my best friend lost.

Nick helps the girl out of the water. Her hair hangs limp and dark. There are black streaks running from her eyes to her cheeks. "Who," she sputters, "did that?"

I take a deep breath. I should be brave and tell her I was one of the ones, but Angie yanks on my hand and gives her head such a little shake, that if you weren't looking directly at her, you would miss it.

I take that to mean I shouldn't say anything. So I keep my mouth closed.

"Jude," Jazz says, in the soft voice you use with someone who is about to blow up, "it was just a game. You knew when you climbed on that tree that you'd be a target."

Jude wipes water away from her eyes, causing the black streaks to turn into smudges. Her blue eyes are dark with anger, but she says nothing.

"Congratulations!" Harrison speaks quickly to change the focus from Jude. "Chaz, your team won."

I look from Chaz to Leeann. His eyes are on Leeann, but he has a smug look on his face. Leeann, on the other hand, looks crestfallen.

"Well," Leeann looks at Harrison. "At least we have zip-lining coming up. I can't lose at that."

Harrison and Jazz exchange a look.

Leeann catches it. "What?"

Jazz clears her throat. "We had to take out zip-lining this year."

"What?!"

"The Erudite have developed a new fear simulation serum. You will still be going through the old serums, but we need a day to try out the new one." She shrugs. "I'm sorry, but zip-lining got cut."

"This day just keeps getting better." Leeann stomps off back toward the train.

* * *

On the way back to the train Chaz and I end up walking next to each other. I look at him out of the corner of my eye, trying to decide if I should say something or not.

"What?" Chaz asks me. Evidently he can tell I was thinking about saying something.

"This isn't any of my business," I take a deep breath. "I know you don't really know me. But Leeann is my friend.

Chaz nods. "I'd noticed that."

"Do you like fighting with her?" My voice is hesitant.

Chaz looks at me, surprised. "No! Why would you ask that?"

"Because you two have been fighting as long as I've been in Dauntless."

Chaz laughs, "Ok, point taken. I can see where you got that idea from. But no, I hate fighting with her." He pauses for a second. "We just seem to do it so well."

"If you want to avoid fighting after the game," I pause, wondering if I really should be giving him advice on this. It just seems to me that the selfless thing to do is the right thing to do. "Don't gloat about winning."

Chaz looks at me.

"Compliment her on something she or her team did well, instead."

He's quiet for a moment. "I think I get what you're saying," he nods slowly. "I'll try it. Thanks."

We walk quietly until we're almost to the train.

"Abnegation, huh?"

I smile. "_Former_ Abnegation."


	6. Chapter 6- Visiting Day

**I just want to give a few responses to reviews from the last chapter. I know I gave each of you your answer, but in case anyone else was wondering.**

**To answer the argument for bahrfamily, it's a turtle that Hana saw during Capture the Flag. I can see the description fitting a hermit crab too, but I was picturing a turtle when I wrote it. Guess I should have put the colors in.**

**Asian95 and Windchimed both made comments about it being nice to see what the factions were like before everything started going wrong. Bahrfamily and I have spent a lot of time looking things up to make sure they fit with the hints given, so thank you for noticing, but please remember since we're dealing with the parents we'll start seeing things go downhill as the story progresses.**

**And if you, like milner, want to know what the deal with Jude is… you'll have to keep reading. It unfolds as the story goes.**

**Once again a huge thank you to bahrfamily for editing this chapter, multiple times…**

**Chapter 6 Visiting Day**

Today we don't have training, and part of me would love to have some extra time in bed. I would love to lay here and let my body recuperate from the last couple days of fighting, but I can't. Today is Visiting Day: the one day each year when family members in different factions can come together without any concern.

It is still "Faction before Blood," so there are always some concerns, but it isn't frowned upon to meet today like it would be to meet almost any other day of the year.

Mom and Dad will come. Mom told me they would. Gayle might. Isaac, my brother, will probably come, too, since there is no school today, but he may decide to spend the day with his friends instead.

I stifle a groan as I swing my legs over the bed. Moving is not going to be easy, but a hot shower will probably do wonders for my muscles.

* * *

The warm shower and the mint smelling ointment Leeann thrust at me after my shower have done wonders for my ability to move. I consider dressing up to see my family, but my dressy outfit shows more skin than I am comfortable with around them, so I wear one of my more conservative Dauntless outfits instead. Compared to everyone else, even my wildest outfit, a knee length dress with cap sleeves is conservative, but I opt instead for one that I think my parents will complain about least. The black pants aren't tight, but you can tell I've put on some muscle in them. My top covers me more than anyone else's will today, but you can still see my throat and my elbows. I'm not sure what they will say about that.

Around the room, the Dauntless-born are cheery. The transfers are jumpy and nervous. The girls have all agreed to go to the Pit together. The Dauntless-born have said that any transfers who have no family come can hang out with them.

"Ready?" Leeann grins at me in the mirror.

I finish putting the twister in the bottom of my braid and nod at her. "I'm ready," I grin.

"How can you be so happy? Do you know your family will show up?" The normally confident Tori sounds a little concerned.

I smile. This is the advantage of not belonging and everyone knowing you are leaving. "My family knew I wouldn't be staying. They didn't know where I would go," I shrug, "but they told me they'd be where ever I was today."

Every head in the girls' dorm swings to me. "You told them?" Bekah's voice is incredulous.

I shake my head. "No, I didn't have to."

Angie looks puzzled. "What do you mean, you didn't have to?"

I laugh. "I fit so poorly into Abnegation that everyone in my family, and quite possibly everyone in Abnegation, knew I was leaving."

"How did you not fit in?" Abilyn blurts out.

"Well, let's see: I was the first Abnegation in…" I pause for a second, pretending to think, "oh, in forever, to be sent to the principal's office."

"What?" Leeann shrieks. "Tell!"

Abilyn looks at me through narrowed eyes. "Yes, do tell."

I shrug, acting like it's no big deal, but I still remember how my heart pounded that day. "When we were in the mid- level school, they did a full-school locker check for a missing library book."

"I remember that!" Bekah exclaims. Everyone else nods.

"I was headed to my locker when I saw a Candor girl open my locker, shove something in, close the door, and walk off. When they opened my locker, the missing book was there." I pause for a second. "I wasn't selfless enough to take the blame for something that I didn't do, so I told them I hadn't put it there and what I saw. I ended up in the principal's office. Since they asked all the Candor girls about the book, and they all denied it, the principal decided I was lying."

"What happened?" Tori asks.

"Well, it ended with me under truth serum." I scrunch my nose and look at Abilyn. "I don't know how you can stand that stuff."

Abilyn smiles at me. "Now you understand why I left."

I nod. "Under truth serum my story didn't change, and they finally believed me. I don't know if they ever found out who the Candor girl was."

"Oh, they did." Abilyn holds my eyes with hers. "They put all of us under truth serum next. You have no idea how much trouble you got me in."

The whole room looks between the two of us.

"That was you?"

She nods.

"Sorry."

Abilyn laughs. "You're sorry? I had to pick the only selfish Abnegation to put the book in their locker." She laughs. "After that day, you aren't the only one whose family didn't think they would stay."

"So will your family show up?" I ask her. They would tell her the truth, after all.

Abilyn shrugs. "I never asked." She turns away from the group. Something in her posture tells me she doesn't expect them.

We don't have to wait too long for the rest of the girls to be ready. The longer it takes, the more nervous I get. It's one thing for Mom to tell me they will be here. It is still another thing for them to actually show up.

Leeann looks excited. This is easy for her. Her family is all here in Dauntless. They can hug and talk all day, and no one will accuse her of being a faction traitor. For me, this day is fraught with danger. I could appear to be too attached to my family and be labeled as a possible faction traitor. If they ever decide you are one, it is a start to becoming Factionless.

* * *

We walk out to the Pit, the underground center of Dauntless life, as a group. All of us search for our families. I have to smile when I realize there is an advantage to being a transfer, and a rare transfer at that. There will be lots of people in the Pit wearing black. There will probably be only one family in gray. I don't know how long it is has been since the last time a transfer from Abnegation ended up here. So I don't really expect to see anyone in gray who doesn't belong to me.

As I predicted, it is easy to find them. I spot my family off to the side near the Echo Chamber. I nudge Leeann and point to the gray-clad people. She smiles. "I'll bring mine by to meet yours, if I ever find them." She rolls her eyes and starts to scan the Pit again. "Maybe there is an advantage to transferring!"

I laugh and head off to my family. It takes all my Abnegation and Dauntless training to keep the tears at bay as I get closer to them. I must not be selfish and let them see me cry. I must be brave and not let the tears fall.

Mom spots me first. She waits for me to come to her, but her dark eyes follow me the whole way across the floor. When I get close, she bobs her head at me, then thinks better of it and hugs me. Dad is next. He came, and his squeeze feels like home. Gayle and Jillian are here too. I hug them both and lean in to grab Jillian for a while. Isaac is missing. I can't say I'm surprised, but I am disappointed.

Jillian grabs for my ponytail and pulls. "NO." Gayle untangles Jillian's hand from the braid. "That will hurt Aunt Hana."

"She's not used to hair she can reach." Gayle's voice is apologetic. How can she think that the actions of someone so young need to be apologized for? I know that unless Gayle has her hair down at bedtime, Jillian isn't used to it. It's not her fault that she wants to check it out.

"This place is incredible!" Isaac is here, after all. His hazel eyes shine with excitement, but it only takes a small shake of my father's head for him to lose that look and straighten back into a quiet Abnegation boy. Being excited about something draws too much attention to you.

I think frantically what I can do to move the attention off of Isaac, but nothing comes to mind, except this is the first time they have been to Dauntless. So I ask what they think.

Mom gives her Abnegation smile. "It's so big and so dark."

Dad shakes his head. "Where are the railings?"

"There are no railings. You have to brave enough here to not need them."

Jillian grabs for my nose, and I laugh. She jerks, surprised by the sound. For the first time, I think how sad and silent the Abnegation lifestyle is for a child.

"Found them!" Leeann's chipper voice breaks into my thoughts. "Aunt Taylor, Uncle Abram, Nick, this is Hana." I turn to meet her family, except Nick, for the first time. Aunt Taylor holds out her hand. It is the moment of truth. Leeann has been working with me every day to be ready for this. I shake her hand. It feels right.

It must be right. Aunt Taylor's brown eyes round in surprise. Uncle Abram holds out his hand next. I shake his hand too, feeling more confident as I do.

Nick smiles at me. "Good to see you again."

I smile back. "It is." I feel Abnegation creeping back in. What should I say to him? It's not like I know him that well.

"Mom, Dad, Gayle, Isaac, this is Leeann and her family." I introduce them. "And this," I bounce Jillian a little to try to make her laugh, "is my niece, Jillian." Jillian giggles.

Uncle Abram nods at my family. They nod back. It's nice to see him greeting them in the Abnegation way.

"They have cake set out in the cafeteria for everyone," Nick announces. "Would you like to join us?"

Mom and Dad look at each other. They communicate in a way familiar to their kids. They exchange looks that none of us can read, but that they can read perfectly.

"We'd love to," Mom answers in her quiet voice.

Since I'm still holding Jillian, I walk next to Gayle. We are at the end of the line. I look around; Mom is talking to Leeann's aunt. Dad is talking to her uncle. Isaac is talking to Nick and Leeann.

"So how are things going?" Gayle asks, her voice low and respectful. "You look happy."

"I am." I grin. "I fit in here. I don't have to worry about everyone else every moment of the day." I shrug. "I still do," I confide softly, "but no one makes me feel guilty when I do something for myself."

"It fits you. I wasn't expecting Dauntless," Gayle's Abnegation smile shows as her voice trails off. "Thinking back, I don't know why. I'm sorry I was too selfish to notice that."

I want to roll my eyes at her, but she's my sister, and she's Abnegation through and through. She would see it as being selfish, that she missed something I hid. I smile back at her. "Gayle, don't worry about it. Most of the time I showed my Dauntless side I was being truthful."

Gayle nods. "So…" she looks around. There is a twinkle in her eye that I haven't seen much of since she joined Abnegation four years ago. "Picked out a brother-in-law for me yet?"

"Gayle!" I blush.

"You have!" Suddenly she manages to hide the twinkle in a bland Abnegation mask. We enter the cafeteria and she carefully looks around. "Where is he?" she whispers. "Is he in your class?"

"I haven't met anyone," I hiss back at her.

Gayle's eyes narrow, and she looks at me. "I think you have met someone. I'm just not sure you realize it yet."


	7. Chapter 7-Family Matters

**This chapter is for Windchimed who caught the OBVIOUS tie in that I somehow missed! Thank you for your review. It made me realize I was about to miss something important! This chapter needed to be in here, but… without you I would have dropped the ball.**

**And thank you to bahrfamily for agreeing and doing our quickest turn around on a chapter yet! ;-) **

**Chapter 7 Family Matters**

It turns out the cafeteria is packed. Evidently everyone from every faction already knows that the cake served in Dauntless is second to none. Leeann spots space at the table that Tori and her family sit at. I do a quick count and realize we're going to be a seat or two off. I already know who's going to end up standing: Mom and Dad. It would be selfish of them to sit while someone else stands. Gayle will try, but Jillian started fussing when we got into all the crowd and noise, so now Gayle holds her. Mom and Dad will make her sit.

As we all start to get situated, Tori's mom looks at her watch. "Oh, my!" Her mom exclaims. "Time has gotten away from us. Tori, it was great to see you." She stands up and hugs Tori. "I have a meeting with Norton in less than an hour."

Her father stands too, but her brother remains seated.

"George," her mother raises her eyebrows and motions for him to stand up.

He stays put. "I don't have to meet with Norton. Tori can get me on the right bus. I'd like to spend more time with her."

Tori's mom presses her lips together. I can't tell if she's thinking or if she's trying to keep what she wants to say inside.

"I can do one better," Tori speaks up quickly. "Bekah and her parents are at the next table. What if I check with them and see if George can ride home with them?"

Tori's parents look at each other, but it's her mom that answers. "I'll check, and if they don't mind George coming along, I guess that's okay with me," she turns to George, "but, that means you leave when they leave. No fussing and no asking for more time."

George nods, his dark eyes excited.

Tori's dad walks with her mom over to Bekah's family.

"They'll say yes, won't they?" George asks his sister in a hushed voice.

Tori nods. "I can't imagine them saying no."

They return quickly, saying, "Tell us good-bye." Tori stands and gives both of her parents a hug. "I don't know what got into you," her mother says as she pulls away. "You were smart enough to stay." She tucks a strand of Tori's hair behind her ear.

Tori shrugs and mumbles. "Aptitude is aptitude."

"I guess." Tori's mom moves away from her.

Her dad is next. He hugs her too and smiles at her, but he says nothing. I get the feeling he is a man of few words.

They walk away from our table in silence. It's then that I realize I've been listening in. I'm not sure that's acceptable, even in Dauntless. I turn back towards our group, but I still hear George say, "Finally! I never thought they'd leave. Isn't it just like Mom to pick Norton over either of us."

Tori laughs. "Things haven't gotten any better there, huh?"

George shakes his head. "She's gotten worse. Norton has her on some special project now. She won't even talk about it at home. She's working 12 to 16 hours a day. You know Mom."

Tori puts her arm around George and hugs him. "I'm sorry, I left you with that."

I don't know Tori well. She and Bekah are friends from Erudite so our paths do cross, but I haven't been able to spend a lot of time getting to know her.

I start to sit down in the chair her mother vacated, but suddenly Isaac is there. He takes the seat across from her brother. "I've seen you in class," He says by way of introducing himself. "We're in English together."

Tori's brother looks Isaac up and down, then shrugs. "There are a couple of Abnegation in the class. I'm in Mr. Frank's second period English."

Isaac nods. "I sit behind you in class."

"Really?" Tori's brother's eyebrows pull in to the center of his forehead creating "V's" in it.

"Really," Isaac informs him without malice. "I'm Isaac."

"George." George holds out his hand, but Isaac just looks at it for a second. George starts to pull it back, but at the last moment Isaac's selfless side pulls through and he holds his hand out in an attempt to shake hands.

I look at Tori and smile. She and I had a similar conversation when we got here. She and I had been in Psychology together, and the seating arrangement there had me sitting on her left. I recognized her the second day. I'm still not sure she believes me that we were in the same class.

"This is my brother, Georgie." Tori introduces him to the rest of us.

George grimaces at the nickname.

"Oh, come on," Tori nudges her brother. "You've missed it. You know you have."

"I've missed _you_." George emphasizes the pronoun. "I haven't missed being called Georgie."

Leeann and I reintroduce our families to Tori. It strikes me again that Leeann is introducing us to her brother, aunt, and uncle, but not her parents. I'm still Abnegation enough that I don't feel like I can ask.

Tori, on the other hand, has no such qualms. "Where are your parents?"

Leeann takes a deep breath, but her Aunt Taylor answers for her. "My sister died several years ago." Taylor rubs her hand along Leeann's back. "My brother-in-law…" she sits up straighter, "isn't able to make it. So we're filling in."

"Eli would have been here," her uncle joins the conversation, "but Max's computer crashed today so he's spending today rebuilding it."

"I told him he'd wish he hadn't changed to tech support one of these days," Leeann laughs. "Max loves to grab him for special projects."

I feel someone staring at me and look up to see Jude glaring at me from the next table over.

What have I done to catch her eye this time?

* * *

By dinner time they are all gone. Well, all of the family members from other factions are gone. Leeann, Angie, and Kelly are still spending time with their families, so Bekah, Tori, Abilyn, and I find a table to sit at and eat by ourselves.

We are a quiet group. Each of us is lost in our thoughts about our families. We all have thoughts and emotions to work through.

Tori stares at her food, quiet for a minute or two. "I don't know if today made things better or worse." Her voice is soft.

Bekah nods. "I was starting to get used to not having them around. Then they were here, now they're gone again." She smiles at Tori. "I'm glad Mom and Dad were willing to take George home.

Tori nods. "It was great to see him. I really hated to see him leave. I was just starting to adjust to George not being here. I was even starting to convince myself that Mom would pay more attention to him if I was gone." She shrugs. "George makes it sound like it is worse than ever."

"What's up with your mom?" Abilyn asks.

"Mom's in Norton's top ten." Tori rolls her eyes. "That means she has one of the ten highest IQ's in Erudite. IQ means everything there. Norton keeps his top ten on a tight leash. She's so wound up in being important that she has a tendency to forget about everything, including us. Sometimes I think she only had kids in an effort to pass on her superior intellect. I took care of George when he was little." She pauses. "Really, I took care of him until I left for here. He's the only reason I thought about staying, but he won't stay, so why should I be stuck there?"

We are all quiet again. I can't imagine Mom being so selfish that she would put her job ahead of us. I guess there are some advantages in an Abnegation upbringing.

Abilyn suddenly speaks up from her seat next to Tori's. "I don't know about you guys, but I had myself so convinced that no one would show up, that when they did, it caught me off guard. I feel like I missed half my time with them because I was busy staring at them, unable to believe they were really here."

Bekah nods in agreement. "There were so many things I wanted to say and show them. I forgot half of them while they were here." There's another brief moment of silence. "Do you wonder if they'll come back next year?"

Abilyn groans. "I hadn't even thought about that yet."

"George will." Tori's voice is confident. "I don't care if Mom and Dad do."

"I'm going to get through initiation before I think about that," Abilyn answers. "If we end up Factionless, it won't matter if they come here looking for us or not."

* * *

I walk back into the dorm with my hair wrapped in a towel from my shower. Tori motions me over to her bed, where she's seated cross-legged. We've never stopped and talked between the end of dinner and lights out. Usually I'm up on my bunk talking to Leeann. I'm not sure what Tori does. I duck under the bed above hers and sit down with her.

"Do you think Isaac will stay in Abnegation, or now that you've made the move, do you think he will too?"

I think about it for a moment. Yes, Isaac seemed pretty impressed with Dauntless today when he saw it, but is that enough to get him to leave Abnegation? I think about him moving through the Factionless Sector when he is going places. At a young age he would grab some food to take with him without anyone saying anything. It's not for him; it's for anyone he might see who needs it. I see him standing on the bus while other people who came in after him sit.

I shrug. "I'm not really sure, but if I had to guess, he'll stay in Abnegation."

"George will join me here in Dauntless," Tori informs me.

"You sound pretty confident."

Tori nods. "The only reason I considered staying in Erudite was George. I got the impression today that he was checking everything out to get ready for his turn." She sighs. "I hope it's not wishful thinking on my part. I miss him."

I had never thought before this moment that Isaac might leave Abnegation and that if he did come to Dauntless, we would be able to be closer.

We both think about it for a few minutes.

"So," Tori suddenly says with a laugh, "our brothers are in the same class."

"Well, sounds like it," I give her a smirk, "although your brother doesn't seem to remember mine."

Tori groans and rolls her eyes. "What else do you expect when you all dress alike, and you all wear your hair alike? Face it, Hana. Abnegation tries to fade into the background where no one will notice you."

I laugh. "They do try to take away any individuality."

"You know what that means, don't you?"

I look at her puzzled. "What what means?"

"Our brothers being in the same grade." Tori pushes me so I rock back.

I freeze for just a moment in that position, shocked that she touched me. I try to recover quickly before she notices my reaction. I sit back up and shake my head.

"It means, silly, that in four years, you and I are going to the Choosing Ceremony together so we can see where our brothers go."


	8. Chapter 8- Fears

**There are two quotes from two books that you need to keep in mind for the changes to the fear simulations.**

**From Insurgent Chapter 31 **

(The speaker is Jeanine Matthews)

"**Very good," she says. "When I was developing the Dauntless simulations, years ago, we discovered that certain levels of potency overwhelmed the brain and made it too insensible with terror to invent new surroundings, which was when we diluted the solution so that the simulations would be more instructive. But I still remember how to make it."**

**She taps the syringe with her fingernail.**

"**Fear," she says, "is more powerful than pain. So is there anything you would like to say before I inject Ms. Prior?"**

**Tobias presses his lips together.**

**And Jeanine inserts the needle.**

and

**From Allegiant chapter 22 Tris**

"**Well, your father was a good friend of Jeanine Matthews," says Zoe. "He saw her performing an experiment on a factionless man in exchange for something- food, or clothing, something like that. Anyway she was testing the fear-inducing serum that was later incorporated into Dauntless initiation- long ago, the fear simulations weren't generated by a person's individual fears, you see, just general fears like heights or spiders or something- and Norton, then the representative of Erudite, was there, letting it go on far longer than it should have. The factionless man was never quite right again. And that was the last straw for your father."**

**Bahrfamily and I agree that everything we can find in the books points to Andrew and Jeanine being in the same initiation group. Since Andrew chose to leave Erudite because of the test on the factionless man we know Jeanine was doing this before her initiation.**

**So at this point, we have to assume Dauntless is still running on general fears, things like heights, moths, claustrophobia, drowning, spiders, things like this and things that are not the specific fears such as too much acid, moths, crows etc that we saw in Divergent.**

**Chapter 8 Fears**

Everyone, even the Dauntless-born, is nervous at breakfast the next morning. Visiting Day is over. Today starts fear simulations.

"What did Nick and Eli tell you?" Chaz asks Leeann. They are sitting next to each other. Their shoulders and elbows touch as they eat.

"Not much. They say it isn't something you can explain. That it's easy until it's not. That you have to experience it in order to understand it." Leeann lays her head on Chaz's shoulder. "I don't want to do this."

He turns his head and kisses the top of her head. "You're brave. You can do this," he encourages her.

Angie looks at me at me with a puzzled look on her face. One that tells me that this is not the way she expected them to act today. She is still waiting for the fight from Capture the Flag to erupt. My Abnegation smile is firmly in place. I want to grin, but I don't want to have to explain the conversation I had with Chaz in front of Leeann. I don't want Leeann to think I'm meddling.

"Okay, Initiates," Harrison stands at the edge of the table. "We start the fear simulations in 10 minutes. Everyone needs to report to the training room by then." He turns and walks out.

We all look at each other. Our appetites are gone.

"Let's go," Chaz says, standing up to put away his tray. "There's no point in avoiding it."

Leeann and Chaz are first. Leeann goes with Jazz, and Chaz goes with Harrison.

The rest of us try to find something to do while we wait.

"Let's play cards." Tori holds out a deck.

Bekah and Abilyn nod and come join her.

"Come on, Hana." Tori pats the ground next to her. "Join us."

"Can I just watch?"

"Why would you want to watch?" Bekah sounds confused.

"I'm next."

Abilyn narrows her eyes at me. "No, there's more to it than that."

"What?" I ask her.

"In Candor they teach us how to tell when someone is lying."

"How do you know I'm lying?"

Abilyn laughs. "You held your breath after you gave me the answer. It's what you do when you are hiding something."

I sigh. I hadn't stopped to realize making friends with a former Candor would mean having to be more honest myself. "I've never played cards."

"Never?" all three of them repeat at once.

"In Abnegation, you do things for other people. I can knit you a scarf for the winter, but I've never played cards."

Tori pats the spot next to her again. "Sit down. It's time you learn."

* * *

I'm starting to get the hang of the simple game they chose to start with, when Jazz comes back in. "Hana." She gives me a reassuring smile.

I stand up and leave the game. I follow Jazz to a small room. It looks a lot like the set-up for the aptitude test. Jazz points to the chair and motions for me to sit. She starts hooking me up to the computer.

"This is a lot like the aptitude test," she says as she attaches the wires to my head. "You'll experience different scenarios. Some of them won't affect you at all. They are things you aren't afraid of. Some of them are things that do frighten you. You will stay in that scenario until you calm down from your fear. Once you have experienced and faced a fear, the scenario will end…" Jazz pauses, "for now. We'll do it again after lunch, and every day until you are finished with all the scenarios."

I nod.

"Are you ready?" Jazz asks, handing me the glass with the serum in it.

I take the glass and nod.

"Be brave."

I drink it all.

The sky is a beautiful shade of turquoise blue. The grass and flowers hang in the still air. A small white moth lands on my arm. I feel its legs walking on my arm. Its wings brush against my skin like a gentle kiss. Another moth joins it, and then they take off and fly away.

I turn my head to follow them with my eyes. I look straight into a large spider web. It is intricate, beautiful. A big, ugly, black spider moves from the edge to the center. Its legs are long and thin. I look at it for a moment, fascinated by what it is capable of doing. Nothing else can spin a web like that.

The sun begins to set while I watch the spider finish its web. A loud boom sounds. I look around for the source. It goes off again. I can't figure out where it is coming from. It shakes the world just a bit. I'm puzzled by the noise until it happens again. A large red firework fills the air.

I decide to climb the nearby building. I bet the fireworks are even more beautiful from the roof. I open the door onto the roof. The wind is stronger here. I walk over to the edge and look down. Everything is so small from up here. I forget the fireworks and look down. I'm not sure I can even make out people from this height.

Suddenly there is someone behind me. They gag my mouth and put something over my head. My heart races. I try to scream. My arms flail in an attempt to hit something. Arms wrap around my torso, pinning my arms. They lift me up. There is a disadvantage to being small. They can carry me anywhere they want. I kick out with my legs and hit someone.

I hear a groan and try to kick towards the noise hoping to make contact again. No luck. My legs thrash uselessly against the air. Another person grabs my legs and holds them tight. I struggle against them both, but it is no use. They carry me, like a log, between them. I try to keep track of where we are going, but I can't keep the ups and downs, the twists and turns straight. I have no idea where we are, no idea where they are taking me.

When we get there, they set me down, hard, and I feel the jolt through all of my body. They tie my chest to the back of the chair. They tie each of my legs to a leg of the chair. I struggle against the restraints. I am going nowhere. I try to scream again, but it is impossible against the gag. I can't breathe.

Suddenly it occurs to me: if I can't force my way free, I'm going to have to think my way free.

I stop thrashing. It becomes easier to breathe. My heart starts to slow down.

"Open your eyes." I know that voice. It is soft and comforting. "It's okay, open your eyes now."

I blink my eyes open. Jazz, the voice belongs to Jazz.

"Good job, Hana. You didn't have problems until the fifth fear. That's good for the first day. Your time was average."

I nod. Tears of relief flood my eyes. I try to blink them away. I did it.

"When you're ready, you can go back to the training room."

I take a deep breath, and another. It wasn't real, I remind myself. It was just a simulation. I slide off the table and walk to the door.

"Hana?"

I turn to Jazz, waiting to see what she wants. She has the new set of electrodes in her hands. "Go to the training room where you learned to shoot and throw knives. We keep you separate after the first simulation."

I nod again and head to the other room. I'm right in front of the door when I realize that unless Rob, who left to go with Harrison right before me, is already finished, Leeann and Chaz are there alone. The thought makes me pause at the door. Do I go in, or do I wait out here until I see someone else to go in with? They may not be fighting, but I don't really want to interrupt anything.

"How far did you get?" I look up and see Rob coming down the hallway towards me.

I must look as puzzled as I feel, because he stops to explain.

"In the simulation, where did you run into your first fear?"

"Kidnapping," I pause for a second. "What about you?

"Needles."

"Needles?" I repeat. "I didn't get that far."

"You almost did. That's next." It seems to click with him that I'm just standing there waiting for him.

"Are they fighting?"

I shake my head no.

"Really? Leeann's team lost to Chaz. I was on her team. I know how much she wanted to beat him. There's no way they aren't fighting," he insists.

"They aren't."

"No, the last time one of them lost to the other one and they didn't end up fighting…" Rob pauses for a while thinking, "isn't in my memory."

"Mark the calendar," I tell him confidently and open the door so he can lead the way in.

By the second night our dreams are turning into nightmares. It's my second fear, the fear of fire, which wakes me up several times a night. Sometimes I'm being kidnapped while the fire rages around me. Other times there are snakes fleeing the fire with me. Another time I'm in a crowd of people and we're all running from the blazing inferno.

Fire, fire everywhere. Every dream, every nightmare includes flames. At night I feel like the world is burning up around me.

I am afraid of fire. I'm terrified of fire, and I chose Dauntless. The faction represented by the flames. Those flames are evidently my biggest fear. I must be crazy…

Some sessions are short. Some sessions are long. It just depends on what you are afraid of and how afraid of it you are. It turns out Rob is the first one done. Jazz and Harrison make it a point to tell us that this doesn't mean he's braver than the rest of us, just that his fears aren't as common as the rest of ours. It took Rob 6 sessions to go through all twenty preprogramed fears.

That day shows exactly how competitive Chaz and Leeann are. Neither of them speak to Rob for the rest of the day.

"Better him than each other," Angie mutters to me that day. "The best we can hope for is that they finish on the same day."

Chaz and Leeann both finish after 8 sessions.

Angie sighs with relief when she finds that out. "There's one fight we've avoided."

Bekah and I are next at 9 sessions. It is nice to be done. That night, I dream of walls closing in on me. There is no fire. I wake up about to scream. I never thought I'd wish the fire was back.


	9. Chapter 9- Serum

**So this note continues where the one for the last chapter leaves off. The same quotes apply to this chapter as the last one.**

**Bahrfamily and I put Jeanine is in the same Choosing Ceremony as Hana. (After all I put Hana with Natalie, who we know chose Abnegation with Andrew, who, according to Evelyn, used to pass books back and forth with Jeanine at school.) What if Jeanine's fear simulation was what she researched during her initiation? She's already been testing it out on the Factionless. Wouldn't they want try it on the new Dauntless class, just once, to see if they could control it yet?**

**A huge thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, followed and favorited this story. I appreciate your encouragement.**

**And as always a HUGE thank you to Bahrfamily, whose feedback changed the ending of this chapter. (And it is MUCH better because of it!)**

**Chapter 9 Serum**

According to Leeann, today should be zip lining. We should be celebrating the fact that we completed our fear simulations. Instead, we are all waiting in the training room for our next fear simulation. This one is new. Leeann can't try to get Nick and Eli to give her a heads up on this one, since one no one in Dauntless has ever been through it before us.

We stand or sit around the room in small groups, pretending to talk, pretending that every nerve isn't buzzing with fear of what is planned for us today. Leeann stands with her Dauntless friends: Chaz, Rob, Angie, Kelly and a couple of boys whose names I can't remember. I stand with Abilyn, Bekah and Tori. Every once in a while one of us throws out a random comment. We just can't seem to concentrate on what is being said while this hangs over our heads.

Suddenly the door opens, and Jazz, Harrison, Max, Norton, and a girl in blue walk in. "Jeanine?" Tori spits out the name like it is poison. "What is SHE doing here?"

Bekah shakes her head. "I don't know, but it can't be good."

"Who is she?" I whisper.

"Jeanine Matthews, Norton's protégé," Tori answers. "He thinks she's smart enough not just to be in his Top Ten, but to be the one who'll replace him."

Bekah's eyes suddenly widen. "Andrew mentioned something about her trying a serum on a factionless man."

"You don't think…?" Tori's brown eyes bore into her.

Bekah holds her gaze and nods. "I think we're about to get her fear serum."

"Initiates!" Max's voice booms through the room. "We have with us today two representatives from Erudite. You should all know Norton. He's the Erudite leader and he gave the speech on your Choosing Day. This young lady is Jeanine Matthews. Jeanine has been working on something for us here in Dauntless." Max smiles at her. His white teeth seem to glow against his dark skin. "She has designed a serum that is supposed to show you one of your real fears, not just a general fear that we think there is a good chance you will have."

He steps aside, and Jeanine steps forward. She looks to be about our age, with glowing blonde hair pulled back with a couple of clips. A pair of glasses hangs around her neck by a chain.

"You have experienced the fear simulations. These have been used by Dauntless for a very long time. They were designed to create a hallucination, and if you are afraid of what you see, your amygdala processes it as a fear. Your heart rate and respirations respond accordingly." Jeanine puts the glasses on, highlighting her gray eyes. I think she is trying to make herself appear older, more knowledgeable, as she passes on this next piece of information.

"I have been working on a new serum. This one stimulates your amygdala first. It finds what you are afraid of and creates a hallucination based on that."

There is a collective gasp from the Dauntless initiates. We have been through the generic fears and those were bad enough, but to face the fears that we thought were still safely buried deep inside of us…

"All tests will be administered by Jeanine or Norton. There will be a trainer observing with them," Max informs us. "Since we have not done this before, we don't know exactly how long it will take, so get comfortable. "We decided to go in alphabetical order, so Abilyn and Angie you're first."

I grab Abilyn's hand as she goes by and give her a reassuring squeeze. "You can do it," I whisper.

She tries to smile her thanks, but it is small and doesn't reach her eyes.

We wait for our turns, one eye on the clock and the other eye checking out the room, putting each person in their order, trying to make sure we know who is before us. Unless I am mistaken about someone's name, Chaz will be the person to go before me. I watch for them to call him.

At fifteen minutes they come for Bekah. At twenty minutes they come for Chaz. I am next.

"You and Bekah are lucky," Tori comments.

"Lucky?"

"You don't have to sit here and wait until the end. I think waiting is its own fear."

I hadn't thought about that, but Tori is right. It's right at ten minutes after they got Chaz that Max comes for me.

It's time to see what I'm really afraid of.

* * *

Max says nothing as he leads me to Jeanine's room. The only thing comforting about that is it turns out this is the room Jazz is in.

"Name?" Jeanine asks.

"Hana."

She gives a small exasperated sigh, "Full name?"

"Hana Wren."

"Faction of birth?"

I look at her, puzzled. "Why do you need that?"

"Data collection."

"Abnegation."

Jeanine gives me a strange look. "Not many transfers from Abnegation to Dauntless."

I shrug. "Well, I'm in the minority."

Jeanine's smile seems false, "I guess you are."

She motions for me to sit in the chair and I do. I wait for her to attach the computer to me. She doesn't.

"This serum is more advanced than the aptitude test or the fear simulations. You don't need to be attached to the computer." She brings out what looks like a shot. "The serum has transmitters in it. We also find that injecting it is more effective than drinking it." She holds out the shot. "Tilt your head, please."

I tilt my head and feel the point of the needle against my skin, piercing it.

"Just relax, Hana," she smiles at me. "This doesn't take long."

* * *

I'm at the fence by Amity. How did I get here? I look around. I'm alone with Harrison.

"You have been chosen," Harrison begins, "to prove your bravery by spending the night outside of the Amity fence." He opens up the large gates. "I will see you again at dawn," he says as I walk through the gates and they close behind me, "if you survive." Harrison doesn't look back as he walks away from the fence.

I am alone. I look at the apple orchard. I take a deep breath. It's time to see what I am made of.

At first the trees are in neat rows, the way I remember them from the days back in Abnegation when we volunteered to help the Amity with the harvest. But as I move through them, the rows disappear. The trees grow closer together. Soon I am pushing my way through the bare branches.

The sun starts to set. I look around. I can see no one. I see nothing but the black outlines of the trees and a half moon sliding through the branches.

I hear the call of a bird. It sounds like it is asking "Who? Who?" over and over again. Where is it? What is it? I turn my head around wildly to see if I can find it. All I see are yellow eyes up in the branches of a tree. They stare at me. I look around at the other tree tops. There are more yellow eyes, some blinking, some unblinking. What are those creatures up there?

Next there is a howl. I shiver. It's not quite the sound a dog makes, but close enough to it to make me think of the pictures of wolves we saw in lower levels one year. They were supposed to be close relatives of the dog, if you believe in that kind of thing. Are they what is outside the fence? My hands are shaking. What else is out here? I feel my heartbeat in my throat. Why didn't Harrison give me a gun to kill anything I might run across?

Branches crack and break. Something is coming towards me. Something is coming for me. I stifle a scream. I don't want it to hear me. I can almost picture it, walking on four legs, shaggy fur covering its body, long teeth with curved fangs to tear me apart. Or is it more human? Walking on two legs, with hands that would allow it to grip me, hit me, hold me. My heart races faster as I try to figure it out.

My eyes dart around. What is out here? What does the fence protect us from?

I want to run from it, but I don't want to make any noise. I start to walk, but every step is loud. Branches snag at my clothes. The twigs beneath my feet crack as I step on them.

I look around again, wishing I had even a flashlight with me. Something to help me see what is coming. All I can see are the yellow eyes in the trees and strangely glowing blue or red eyes near the ground. They are all coming towards me. What is it? How do I keep whatever it is away?

Can I climb a tree? I grab for a branch. My hand holds on to the rough bark. I pull myself up, but I'm not strong enough to get all the way up. I hang there for a minute, trying to figure out what to do, but I can't keep holding on. I feel the bark scraping at my skin as I fall back down. I land in a crouch.

There is something warm and wet on my palms. I must have scraped or cut my palms. Will this blood attract them? My breaths are coming faster.

Whatever is out there is getting closer. I can almost hear it breathing. I can imagine its breath on my skin as it kills me. I have to get out of here.

There is one direction that I don't notice the noises coming from. I head that direction. I run, I sprint. I push the branches out of my way and let them fly back. I won't let it catch me, I won't.

Suddenly I am flying through the air. I have tripped on something and landed face first. I lift myself out of the dirt.

My legs give way; I can't run any more. I put my back against a tree and lean over to catch my breath. I'll have to make my last stand here.

What can I use for a weapon? I'm not going down without a fight.

I don't see anything. I scream as the eyes come closer and closer. I close my eyes, and then open them back up. If this is the end, I don't want to be cowering. I hear noises behind me. Do I turn around to see what it is? Do I turn my back on these eyes in front of me? I feel hot breaths on me just as I feel the first fang sink into my neck. I scream again and again.

Then suddenly I am blinking against the bright light.

Jeanine stands next to me with a needle in her hand.

Jazz calls out from where she is sitting, "Hana, you're okay." She unhooks herself from the machinery and hurries over to me. "You're fine, Hana. You're safe."

I shake my head, trying to clear it. Tears pour down my face.

"You're okay," her voice soft and soothing.

I feel myself start to calm down. My chest heaves as I start to catch my breath. Jazz rubs my back. "It wasn't real. It wasn't real." She keeps repeating it until my breathing is normal. "Are you okay?"

I nod and jump off the chair. I don't ever want to sit in that thing again.

"Hana, wait for me outside," Jazz's voice is harder than normal.

I walk outside and lean by the door.

"Is that enough yet? We're three for three. I bet if we talk to Harrison and Norton they've had similar results. None of them have been able to pull themselves out of it. They are terrified. What's the point in this?"

"The point in this," Jeanine's voice is as determined as Jazz's, "is to find out if it is the simulation or if your initiates really aren't as brave as you think. We test them all."

"You mean you'll torture them all," Jazz flings back at her.

"I pulled her out of it," Jeanine's voice is flat as she defends herself. "I didn't make her stay in it until she died."

I hear Jazz's footsteps and move further down the hall so she doesn't know I overheard them.

I am still shaking slightly when Jazz gets to me.

"I'm sorry." She looks me in the eyes. "Are you going to be alright?"

I nod.

Suddenly she grips my arm tightly and whispers to me, "When you choose your job, stay away from the Factionless guard. You strike me as the type they will recruit for Amity patrol. "

"Amity patrol?"

She nods and looks around. "No one talks about it much. They call for an Amity patrol at random intervals. Usually it's only one or two guards and they are gone for a day or two, but Rais, my husband, was gone for a week once. And he's heard stories of people being gone for a month."

She leans closer to me. "He never comes back quite the same. It only lasts for a day or so, but…whatever is out there disorients him and makes him forgetful."

I nod. Factionless patrol. I'll remember to stay away from that. I don't ever want to see what that was, chasing me on the other side of the fence.

**For the record Amity Patrol is something that I made up. I got the idea from Allegiant. Johanna talks about Amity giving the Abnegation Serum to anyone who goes past a certain area of Amity. They also tell us that some Abnegation go back and forth to the Bureau, and when they do, they are given the Abnegation Serum. Since the patrols are in the factionless sector at this point in time. I created the Amity Patrol to guard the boundary between Amity territory and the Bureau's territory. They aren't always there, just when they are needed. Like when someone from Abnegation is headed to the Bureau. Amity Patrol (and the people in it) will show up from time to time in this story, so I wanted to make sure you understood what it was since it isn't canon.**

**Also, gabergirl asked me if Hana was Divergent. After reading the last two chapters, I'm curious to know what everyone thinks. If you get a chance, leave me a review and let me know if you think she's Divergent or not. I already know the answer, and so does Bahrfamily. **


	10. Chapter 10- Zip-lining

**Before we start, let me address the question of Hana being Divergent. One of the signs of being Divergent is being AWARE during the simulations. At no time did Hana realize that any of the simulations weren't real. When she was going through them, they felt real. Therefore, the answer is no, Hana is not Divergent.**

**Besides, if she WAS Divergent then Uriah probably would have had an Abnegation-Dauntless Divergence. But from Insurgent we know Uriah's Divergence isn't Abnegation. Remember when they are talking about Jeanine's demand after Marlene's death, Tris makes the following observation about Uriah: "****I don't know what I expected. Maybe that Uriah, who knows too well what will happen if one of us does not go, would volunteer himself. But he looks down. Unwilling."**

**That quote is part of what made me decide Hana isn't Divergent. If his Divergence came from her, then HE would have been the one to go to Erudite headquarters and we'd have a whole different book…**

**As always my heartfelt thank you to bahrfamily who keeps my writing in line so you don't have to put up with all the errors she does!**

**Chapter 10 Zip lining**

Fear simulations are over, even the new one. We may have compared our original fear simulations as a class, but the new one, the one that Norton and Jeanine came over and administered, no one talks about. It's like we are all afraid that if we speak of them, they will come back from whatever circle of hell they are housed in and become real. None of us wants to see that happen.

Since there is no training today, Tori, Angie, Bekah, Abilyn, and I decide the best way to keep our minds off of it is to play cards. I'm getting better at the game they taught me. I'd be playing better today, except Tori mentioned that I'm getting so good at the one we've been playing that it's just about time to teach me another one.

I play my card. I have it all set. As long as no one messes it up by my next turn, I will win. It will be my first win at cards.

"I have the best cousin ever!" Leeann bounds into the room.

Angie rolls her eyes. I get the feeling from her expression that this isn't the first time Leeann has announced this. "What did the great and wonderful Eli do this time?" Her voice holds a trace of sarcasm.

"Oh, nothing much," Leeann attempts to make her voice serious, but you can hear the excitement in it. "I mentioned to Nick how disappointed the class was about zip lining. He told Eli." She pauses for just a second. "If we can make it to the trains in 10 minutes, we can go zip lining."

"What?" Kelly sits up and enters the conversation from her bed, where she was trying to get a nap. "Really?"

"Really."

Abilyn starts to grab the cards to put them up.

"Let's finish this hand," I interject quickly. I'm about to win.

It's Bekah's turn, and before anyone can object, she plays her next card, and then shows us her hand. "Game over!"

I put my cards down face up like everyone else.

"Close," Tori looks over my cards. "You were very close this time."

"Let's go!" Leeann whines. "You finished the game. I'm not missing zip lining because you guys are playing cards."

We put the cards up and race up the ramps, pushing past people as we fly through the Pit to the trains. We get there first, and Leeann starts pacing the platform. We may be the only ones here, but you can tell she is full of nervous excitement. Soon the rest of our class starts arriving, along with some Dauntless members.

At the sound of the train's horn, Leeann squeals and throws her arms around Chaz. "We're really going zip lining!"

Chaz laughs and hugs her back. "We really are."

We catch the train with everyone else. It is everyone in our initiation class, plus some members not too much older than us. From what Leeann has said, I'm guessing most of them are from Nick and Eli's initiation class.

I don't see Jazz or Harrison. Part of me would feel better if at least one of them were here.

It doesn't take long for us to reach the point where we jump off and head to the Hancock Building. We walk and joke. The older group starts running. We run behind them, not sure what we are getting ourselves into, and not completely sure we care. This is Dauntless. _We_ are Dauntless.

We fill two elevators on the way up. Since we are naturally two groups, we enter the two elevators in our two groups. The Dauntless members take the first elevator up. The initiates take the second.

There is still one more hurdle when we get to the top floor. A ladder perches up against a hole in the roof. I follow Leeann, who follows Chaz up it.

The view is breath-taking. The city surrounds us, magnificent at this distance and height. From here, there are no broken areas. From this perspective everything looks whole, right.

Leeann grabs my hand and pulls me toward the opposite edge of the roof from where I stand. "Come with me and meet Eli. He's the one who put this all together for us."

I laugh as I follow her, "You mean for you."

Leeann smiles her bright smile back at me.

Eli has his back to us. It is broad, and you can see he is muscular from the back.

"Eli!" Leeann calls out when we are just about there. "Meet Hana!"

Eli turns around, a wide smile on his face. His lip is pierced.

I can't tell if I'm about to blush, or if all the blood is draining from my face. I'm hoping that it is enough of both, that my face doesn't actually change colors. Because Eli, Leeann's cousin, is the one who helped me jump over the rail. He's the one I watched jump onto the train. He's the one who came in about the broken camera when I was practicing.

Eli holds out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Hana."

I try hard to hold my hand still when I hold it out to shake his. The moment his hand touches mine, I feel the same current that I felt when he touched my stomach. My hand freezes in position for just a moment. "Eli, nice to meet you, too. Leeann's talked a lot about you."

Eli looks over at his cousin. "Is that good or bad?"

Leeann laughs. "You put zip lining together. What do you think?"

"I think you better let me get back to work so we can get this started."

Leeann gives him a quick hug. "Thank you."

We walk away.

I feel someone looking at me. I turn around and meet Jude's eyes. They are narrowed and appraising. I suppress a shiver. There is no doubt in my mind: I may have never officially met her, but Jude remembers me. Something tells me this isn't good, this isn't good at all.

I turn back to Leeann, but she has hurried faster than me, to be with Chaz. They have their arms wrapped around each other, and she kisses him on the lips.

I automatically face a different direction. I'm not used to this kind of affection. My parents didn't even kiss in front of us. I asked Mom why, once, back when I was young and she thought I would stay in Abnegation. She told me that it was selfish to flaunt what you have in front of others.

However, as I got older and she began to realize I probably wouldn't stay, her explanation evolved. It was as if she wanted to make sure that even if I left Abnegation, I would keep their ideals on affection. She told me that the physical part of a relationship can be so powerful that you can make bad choices from it. "Hana, promise me that no matter where you go," she implored me once, "you will never get yourself in a position of deciding who to marry based on the physical attraction. Make sure you know you can live with him, not that you feel like you can't live without his touch." I can still hear her voice echoing in my head. Those words will always stick with me, especially in Dauntless where touches are more casual.

I hear his voice, Eli's voice, yelling something, but my mind has been elsewhere, and I miss the words. Before I can look around to see figure out what I missed, Leeann is grabbing my arm. "Come on! You don't want to be the only initiate ever to miss the zip line and have to take the stairs down!"

I smile at her remark and follow her into line.

Everyone else sprints to the line. I would have expected Leeann to run, too, given how excited she has been to zip line, but she walks. "Shouldn't we run?" I ask her.

Leeann shrugs. "I've waited so long to do this. I don't want it over too soon."

When we get to the line, Chaz is waiting for us. Leeann slips back into his arms. I stand behind them, the last person in line. I watch as people climb into the slings that Eli prepares. I listen to them yell into the wind as they launch into nothing. There is a wildness to their calls. I close my eyes and listen to it, to decide if it is joy or fear.

It is freedom. It is life. It is joy.

I open my eyes. The line has moved. It is almost my turn. I catch up to Leeann and Chaz, who are so into each other that they didn't even realize I had lagged behind.

I tilt my head back and look into bright blue sky. I've never just looked at the sky before. In Abnegation, it would be selfish to spend time doing that when you could be helping someone. So far in Dauntless, there's no sky to look at, just rock.

I keep alternating between looking at the sky and looking down to see where Leeann and Chaz are, so I'm not left behind. When Chaz climbs in on his stomach, facing the building, I realize I need to decide how I'm going to do this. "See you at the bottom!" He smiles at Leeann, and he's off.

I look over at Eli. He's looking at me, not at Leeann. I smile, but it's my old Abnegation smile, not the new Dauntless one I've acquired. Why is he looking at me?

His eyes shift to Leeann. "So," he lifts one eyebrow. "Which way are you going?"

"Face first, facing down." Her voice is bright.

Eli holds puts the sling in position. "Here you go."

Before she climbs in, she reaches over and hugs him. "You're the best cousin ever!" Her voice becomes more serious than I expected. "And not just because of zip lining."

I look away. It feels like there is something I am missing in that exchange, something big and personal.

"Climb in." Eli's voice has an odd tone to it. One that has an edge of emotion to it while trying to be unemotional.

I look back and watch Leeann wiggle in. Eli holds her for a moment, judging his timing. Then he rocks her back and forth like a swing. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

I watch as he starts to let her go, then at the last minute pulls her back.

"Eli!"

"Get out of here, Brat!" and he pushes her off. He turns to me. His dark brown eyes hold mine for a moment before he says anything. "So, Hana, which way do you want to go?"

I hesitate for a second. I know my answer, but I don't think I saw anyone else do it. I decide to be brave. "Can I go face up so I can see the sky?"

Eli gives me an odd look. "Why do you want to do that?"

I shrug. The only reason I can come up with is the truth, so I tell it to him. "I've never been able to just look at the sky before."

"I only know one other person who ever goes that way." He stares at me, and then snaps his fingers. "You're the Abnegation transfer."

I nod. I have the funniest feeling I know what he's about to say next.

He grabs the next sling and sets it up for me. "You traded places with Natalie." He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. "She was the girl before you."

I have the strangest desire to laugh at this whole family. I know where this is going. Just to see if I am right, I nod and answer, "I know, I just never thought anyone else would notice that we traded places."

Eli laughs. "Probably no one else did, but she and Leeann were good friends," he shrugs. "I keep an eye on my cousin and her friends. What can I say?"

Well, at least there is a variation this time.

"I had a feeling you two would become friends." He holds out the sling. "Climb in." He holds out a hand to steady me.

I don't want to touch his hand. I don't want him to touch me. But I can't get in without his help, so I take his hand. His touch causes me to stiffen for just a moment while that feeling courses through me. I don't look at him. I don't dare. I climb in, concentrating on every movement I make.

"Ready?" he finally asks. The odd tone in his voice makes me look up at him.

I smile. "Ready."

He starts to push me, then stops just like he did with Leeann. "Hey, Stiff?"

I look at him again. "Yes?"

"Don't tell Nick or Leeann I said you traded places. They'll make fun of me forever if you do."

And before I can respond, he pushes me out into the sky. I'm sure my laughter carries back to him, but he has no reason to think it is anything except me enjoying the ride.

I watch the bright blue sky and thin white clouds. It is amazing. The wind whips my hair that has escaped from its. It's easy to breathe in; it's hard to breathe out. I realize my mistake in going this direction. I have no way of knowing when it is going to stop.

The wind causes my eyes to water, but I keep them open to see the clouds rush past me. Eventually I stop, and I'm rocking in place. I crane my neck to see what I do next. Underneath me is everyone who went before me, arms locked together to catch me. I start to undo the buckles Eli used to secure me. When the last one is done, I roll out into their arms.

They cradle me and start to let me down gently, when one person's hand slips and my shoulder crashes into the pavement. Something tells me I don't need to look up to know I'll see that unusual hair the color of the sunset.

"You okay?" Jazz asks.

How did she get here? I nod and pick myself up.

Leeann walks over to me. "How'd you get on her bad side so quick?" she whispers, and she brushes me off.

"Later." I'm not explaining what I think caused this animosity in front of other people.

"Here comes Eli!" someone shouts. Everyone reforms the circle and grabs a hand. Leeann puts me between her and Chaz, like somehow I need them to protect me.

Eli shows up like me, facing up at the sky. He said he only knew of one other person who goes that way. Was it him, or did he decide to try it because of me?

He's quicker at unbuckling than I was, but he's had more experience. In no time at all, he falls in our arms. I take a step forward to compensate for the downward movement of my arms. We let him down gently onto the ground. When he's up, everyone lets go.

Jude moves to him and grabs his shirt, pulling him towards her. Their mouths move together. Someone whistles and there are a few loud comments, but that doesn't stop them. I quickly look away. I don't like the feeling I get from watching them.

When we are back on the train, Jazz notices me rubbing my shoulder and comes up to me. "You sure you're okay?"

I nod. "I didn't see you on the roof."

She laughs and points to her belly, then grabs the hand of the man standing next to her. "Hana, this is my husband, Rais. Rais, this is one of my initiates, Hana."

I hold out my hand Dauntless-style. We shake.

"Rais said I could only help catch."

He wraps his arms around her. It's tender and protective. You can tell he would do anything to take care of her.

"Probably a good move right now."

Rais smiles at me, and Jazz makes a face. "And after the advice I gave you yesterday." She winks at me.

"Just returning the favor."

Jazz laughs, and she and Rais wander over to a corner.

I go sit with Tori and Bekah, but their conversation about zip lining and how it works is too Erudite for me. I stay, but I don't bother trying to follow it.

Mom's advice on relationships is still playing in my head. My eyes wander around the car, looking at the couples and wondering what she would think of each of them. Jazz and Rais are now cocooned together. Protective is the best word for how he acts towards her. Mom may not approve of the contact, but she would approve of the protection. Protective is good.

Chaz and Leeann are the next pair to catch my eyes. Passionate is the word I would use for them. Not just now, when they are talking and kissing, but even before I knew they were a couple. When they were fighting with each other, there was passion in that, too. Mom wouldn't approve of showing that passion in public, but sometimes I saw that spark in her eyes when Dad walked into the house at night, that same spark that, I see in Leeann's eyes when Chaz shows up. Passion can work.

There is only one more couple I know on the train. Well, sort of know. Eli and Jude. I try to watch them without watching them. I really don't want to be caught by either of them. Jude sits on his lap. She holds his arms around her. Possessive. She's very possessive. Being possessive of something is very selfish. I can't make that one work. You are possessive of something you are afraid of being taken from you.

Why is she so insecure?


	11. Chapter 11- End of Initiation

**As always a BIG thank you to Bahrfamily for proofreading this chapter for grammar and plot. You're awesome!**

**Just a quick reminder to everyone else: if fear simulations are general, then the fear landscape can't be all the fears they found in you (yet). With the fear serum that was tried on Hana's class, that is coming soon, but for her class, the fear landscape will be just a little different…**

**Chapter 11 End of initiation**

When we show up to training the next day, there is still a buzz of excitement in the air. Zip lining was good for us. We mix a little more than we did before. We're all more relaxed than we were after the last fear simulation. At least we are until Max walks into the room. Max walks into the room with one eye covered with gauze and rust colored blood dried at the top where his eyebrow is.

There is something slightly menacing about his look; the room goes silent. Harrison and Jazz follow him in. They both look slightly ill at ease. Harrison looks at us, but Jazz seems to look everywhere else.

"Good morning," Max's voice carries across the room. "I hope you all had a nice time yesterday." He looks at each of us in turn. "I guess you missed the fact that zip lining wasn't included in initiation this year."

We all look around the room guiltily. Leeann is the only one brave enough to speak. "It wasn't part of initiation. We had the day off from training."

"And you all decided to go?" I can't decide if it is a statement or a question.

Leeann decides to take it as a question. "We were all invited, and I think everyone decided to go." She shrugs. "I'm not sure."

Max holds her gaze with his one good eye for a moment then continues, "You will find the next few days aren't fun and games. In two days you will be facing the fear landscape room. In there you will face all the fears you faced during fear simulations. However, this time, there are no breaks between fears." He pauses to let us all think about that. "You will want to go through it as quickly as you can. We use your time to rank you for this portion; the faster your time, the higher your rank."

Abilyn speaks up for all of us when she asks, "_All_ the fears?"

"All the general fears." Max pauses. "That means the fears found in the new simulation will not be included."

We all breathe a sigh of relief.

"This is different from the simulations. In the simulations, you were not aware that what you were seeing wasn't real. In the fear landscape, you _will_ know it isn't real. You will be able to think it through and figure out what you believe will be best to help you conquer your fear."

Harrison speaks up. "In other words, if you remember your fears, make sure you go in with a plan for how to handle them."

"You have half the day to think through your fears and decide how to handle them. Don't waste it." Jazz give us all serious looks.

"What about the other half?" Rob asks.

"The other half is when you will be tested on your final for fighting." Max's voice is steady. "Most of you will run through practice punches and kicks with one of your trainers. One of you at a time will face the other trainer in a fight while I score." Max smiles, "At least that's the way it usually works. Jazz isn't able to fight this year, so we decided to replace her with the top female fighter from her class for the girls. She only beat Jazz by 2 points, so they are very close in skill level." Max claps his hands together. "We'll start with males fighting and females sitting on the side figuring out how to conquer their fears. Jazz will take the rest of the boys and have them show off their skills on the punching bag." He pauses for a second. We all stay still. "Let's move!" His voice booms.

We jump and scamper to our assigned areas.

They want us to each think about our own fears, not to collaborate with each other on how to get through the fears, so we have to stay in the same room the guys fight in. It's very distracting.

Harrison is in the ring in his padded suit, calling out the name of his next opponent at the end of each fight. He gets a brief rest between opponents while they put on their suits. Jazz paces along the back wall where the rest of the guys throw the punches and kicks that she asks for.

My eyes keep wandering to the ring where Harrison is fighting. I am slightly more nervous about the fighting than the fear landscape, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm trying to keep an eye on how it goes for everyone else and to see what tips I can pick up.

It's lunch time before I'm ready for it. I think I know how to get through the majority of my fears. Fire is the one I'm the most concerned about. I really haven't been able to come up with a good plan for that. Every time I think of it, I just think of running, but I already know that if I run away, it will just chase me.

Distracted, I pick at my food. I almost miss Nick coming up, whispering something to Leeann, and her face brightening from what he tells her. There is a gleam in her eye. She grins at him then turns back to us.

"What was that about?" Kelly asks her.

"I'll tell you guys later." The smile fades just a little as she glances at Chaz. There is a slightly calculating look in her eyes. "I need to figure out a couple of things first."

* * *

Too soon, Harrison and Jazz inform us that it is time to get back to the training room. When we get there, Max is waiting for us, but he isn't alone.

Jude is there.

I force the groan that is forming to die on my lips. _Please_ tell me she isn't the one who beat Jazz by two points. She'd like nothing more than to snap me in two. Giving her permission to fight me will give her the chance to do exactly that.

I notice there is a large bandage covering her right hand. Either she really wraps her hands before sparring, or she's been hurt. Is it bad if I hope she's been hurt?

"Everyone gather round!" Max yells as we walk in. "This is Jude. She was one of the top initiates three years ago. She was the top female in fighting."

Jude's look can only be described as arrogant.

"Ladies, she will be your opponent this afternoon."

I nervously bite my lip. As if I wasn't nervous enough at the idea of sparring a member.

"Take this seriously." Max takes a moment to look each of us in the eye. "You may have noticed my eye this morning," he points to the patch. "You can also see Jude's hand is wrapped. Jude is a member of our Factionless Patrol. Last night I was on patrol with her group. Jude got separated from us and a factionless man attacked her."

Jude holds up her hand. "I missed the fact that he had a broken bottle in his hand at first." She shrugs. "Not a good mistake to make."

Max takes over again. "Before we got it away from him, he used it on Jude and me. If you end up on patrol, make sure you watch out for weapons. They won't have real weapons, but sometimes they do try to create them. If you see someone with a weapon, your first priority should always be to get the weapon away from them. Stomp on their foot, hard. Ram your elbow into their diaphragm. Get the weapon away from them, but just as important, no, maybe more important: get yourself away from them." Again, Max takes a moment to look at each of us, trying to bore this lesson into our memories. When he feels he has done this, he claps his hands. "Boys, find a place to sit and think. Girls, head to the bags. Tori, you're first to fight Jude."

I guess I should be glad I get called towards the end of the first day to fight Jude. I'm getting it over with, and she's more worn out than she was at the beginning of the day. Still, it makes me very nervous to go up against her, knowing she seems to have something against me.

We try to size each other up. I watch for signs that she is about to punch. The first time she does, I step back, and she connects with the air. I duck and step in for a punch. I connect with her stomach. I step back again. She comes at me. I hear Eli's advice in my ear. "Get in close. Use your knees and elbows." I step in closer to her. Jude aims for my face. I block it with my elbow, then go in with my knee and get her in the gut. She doubles over. Automatically, I take my elbow and hit her back.

She comes up with her fist clenched and catches me in the jaw. I stumble back.

"Stop!" Max yells.

I start to back away, but Jude comes up swinging. Her gloved fist connects right below my eye. I back away quickly, panting.

"Jude, stop! Let me see your hand."

Jude holds out her hand. Blood is oozing from the bottom of her glove. Max unties the laces and pulls it off. The bandage around her hand is soaked.

"Infirmary."

"This is the last fight," Jude protests. "I can finish it."

"Infirmary," Max points to the door. "Now!"

Jude starts to say something, but Max shoots her a look that stops her.

"Leeann!" he yells.

Leeann shows up instantly. "Yes?"

"Help Jude take off the padded suit."

"Sure." She follows Jude off to the side.

Max looks at me. "Impressive. You did better than I expected."

He walks off.

I look over at Leeann helping Jude take off the outfit. I should have let her pummel me. I have a bad feeling about this.

* * *

Everyone in Dauntless shows up to watch the initiates face the fear landscape. The order of the fears is burned into everyone's head. You can watch the reactions and figure out where people are. I quickly see how fun it is to watch the different way people react to the same thing. Abilyn's finger gently traces the wing of the butterfly. Kelly screams and tries to brush them all off with her hands until she finally remembers that they aren't real. Then she is able to relax and let her heart beat slow down on its own.

I've thought through and figured how to get through everything before I go in, everything but the fire. I just can't seem to figure out how to get through the terror that one triggers. When it's my turn and the kidnapping happens, I find a gun in my pocket and turn the tables.

Before I am ready, I've made it through those few easy fears that separate kidnapping from fire. It starts out as a flicker of light at the end of the hall, and grows larger with the crackling and popping noise that starts the terror building in me. The acrid smell of burning fills my nose, and smoke billows around my head. I get down closer to the ground to get out of the smoke.

"It's not real," I remind myself, but it doesn't really work. My heart continues to pound.

Maybe I should leave the building.

That's it! I suddenly realize. The building is on fire. If I can get away from the building, I can calm down. I start looking around the room. How do I get out of the building? If it was real, I'd have to go out the door and through the hallway, but it's a simulation. No matter how I exit the building, I won't really get hurt.

That realization spurs me into action. I move over to the window and break it with my elbow. I use my bare hands to push the glass out of my way. I can feel the cuts on my hands even though I know they aren't really there.

When I have moved enough of it free, I climb out of the window and stand on the small ledge. All I need to do is jump over to the tree closest to the building and climb down. Maybe all I have to do is jump to the tree. When I'm there, I won't see or hear the fire any more. I'll calm down and it will move on to the next fear.

I inch my way closer to the tree. I jump into its out stretched branches. They scratch me and tear at my clothes, but I am away from the fire. I climb deeper into the tree, and when I hear the roll of the thunder, I start to climb down.

I know what I'm doing from here. The rest of this will be much easier.

I may not be out in record time, but my time is good. I have completed and passed all the areas I need for Dauntless. I am home.

* * *

When the last initiate has gone through the simulation, we head toward the dorms to start packing our few things and to get ready for the banquet. There isn't much to pack. We have only been here a month, and even the Dauntless-born haven't collected much in that time frame. It's mainly just our clothes we need to get ready.

Soon we all head to the cafeteria. It is loud and filled with people drinking and talking. You can smell the food ready for the banquet that will follow, but they haven't started serving quite yet. Chaz and his friends have already commandeered a table, and he waves us over to join him. There aren't quite enough chairs for all of us. Automatically, I remain standing. When I notice this, I smile to myself, wondering if I will ever overcome all of my Abnegation habits.

Ava comes up to the front and holds up her hands and stomps her feet to get our attention. Most people give it to her. There are still people talking and laughing, but I've noticed that's not considered rude here, just normal. "I am pleased to announce that all of this year's initiates have made it into Dauntless."

There are cheers, fists pumping in the air, and stomping at this announcement.

"So without making them wait any longer, here are their rankings." Our names appear on the wall behind her.

Angie turns from the wall and faces me. "I can't look!" She talks loudly, over the crowd. "Which one of them beat the other one?"

I look at the list and laugh. "It's a tie!"

"What?"

Ava picks that moment to start speaking again. "Yes, you see it right: for the first time in Dauntless history, there is a tie for first place. Chaz and Leeann received the exact same number of points."

I laugh at the look of shock and relief on Angie's face.

"It has been determined that one of them will pick their job first and the other one will pick housing first." Ava smiles at the two of them. They already have their arms wrapped around each other. "We'll let you decide who picks which first."

I check out the rest of the names. After Chaz and Leeann, Angie is third, then Rob. The next name surprises me, but only a little. Bekah is fifth in our class, the top transfer. The next name floors me. I never would have expected that I would end in the top ten, but I'm number six and the second highest transfer. I really _do_ belong in Dauntless.


	12. Chapter 12- Jobs and Housing

**Thank you to everyone who reveiwed the last chapter. I appreciate the feedback.**

**One piece of feedback was that since there are a lot of new characters a reminder of who is who would be helpful so I think this is in order of apperance in this chapter...**

**Leeann- Hana's best friend **

**Chaz- Leeann's boyfriend**

**Angie, Kelly and Rob- Dauntless born initiates**

**Bekah and Abilyn -transfers (Erudite and Candor)**

**Todd - Dauntless born initate (introduced in this chapter)**

**Jazz- one of Hana's instructors (She's pregnant)**

**Rais- Jazz's husband**

**Nick and Eli- Leeann's brother and cousin**

**Jude- Eli's girlfriend**

**Ava- (only mentioned in this chapter) Dauntless leader**

**I think I got everyone in this chapter. If they are an actual character in Divergent I didn't include them in here.**

**If you don't mind leave me a review and let me know if this was helpful or not. Did you need more information on them, or is this enough?**

**Thank you as always to Bahrfamily for her editing skills and encouragement. We made it through initiation! Yeah!**

**Chapter 12 Jobs and housing**

"So," Angie stops at the table and holds her tray, "have you two agreed on who is selecting what first?

Leeann grins and Chaz nods. They both look happy.

Angie sets down her tray. "And?"

"I'm picking my job first." Chaz smiles.

Angie looks over at Leeann, "You didn't tell him, did you?"

"I let him pick first." Leeann sounds like she is defending herself.

"But you didn't tell him, did you?" Angie persists.

Leeann takes a large bite of her muffin and proceeds to chew very slowly.

"What didn't you tell me?" Chaz sounds suspicious as he turns to Leeann.

She takes a long drink of milk. When her mouth is empty she finally answers. "Nick may have let me know that one of the connecting apartments is available."

Chaz smiles but just shakes his head. "I should have known you were up to something."

"What is it with you Pedrads?" Todd, a Dauntless-born boy I don't know well, speaks up. "You get away with everything. You find a way around no zip-lining. You speak up to Max without reprisal. You find out what apartments are available before choosing. Must be nice to have special privileges based on-"

Leeann cuts him off "Tell you what," she's clenched her hands into fists. Chaz places a hand over hers, but she yanks it away. She stands. The look she gives Todd is scary. "I'll trade you. I'll take your intact family, and you can have my screwed up childhood that you think gives me these privileges."

"Leeann," Chaz's voice is gentle.

She glares at Chaz, daring him to say more and storms away.

Chaz turns on Todd. "What were you thinking?"

"I didn't expect her to react like that."

"Really?" Angie joins in, "Because as soon as you started talking, I did."

Kelly nods in agreement.

Bekah, Abilyn, Tori and I look at each other blankly. What is going on here?

Angie turns to Chaz. "Go. See if you can find her and calm her down. If you can't, let me know and I'll send Todd to find Nick or Eli, and he," Angie looks pointedly at Todd, "can explain to them what he said, so one of them can calm her down before we pick jobs."

Chaz nods and leaves.

"You," Angie turns on Todd. Her voice is cold and no nonsense. "Put both of their trays up, then you can sit here and stew while Chaz does your damage control."

Todd stands up and grabs both trays as ordered.

Angie looks at us next. She takes a couple of deep breaths. We watch as she visibly calms herself down. "Here's all you need to know. Some really rough things happened to Leeann when she was little. She and Nick," she pauses, "they do get consideration for it sometimes, but most of what Todd sees as favoritism is just that they react to things differently because of what they have been through. Don't ask. Don't ever ask. If Leeann wants you to know, she'll tell you. Otherwise, we try to keep the past buried in the past. It's easier on everyone."

The three of us nod. I'm curious, but seeing the way Leeann responded to what just happened, I'm not curious enough to ask.

* * *

We arrive at the training room after breakfast, without Leeann and Chaz. Angie says the fact that he's been gone that long is a good sign, so we go on without them.

When we get there, Jazz hands each of us three pages, double-sided and stapled together. "Start looking through it," she tells us. "It's the available jobs and descriptions."

We flip through it, looking to see what our options are, while we wait for Chaz and Leeann to show up. As time gets closer and closer, Angie starts tapping her foot. "I should have sent Todd for Nick or Eli," she mutters. She glances at Todd, almost like she is trying to decide if it is too late to send him after one of them or not.

With only a couple of minutes to spare, Chaz and Leeann walk in together. His arm is around her waist. Her eyes are red. You can tell she's been crying. Angie looks at him, and he nods his head just a little. Angie lets out a sigh, and you can see her shoulders relax.

Max stands up about then, a clipboard and pencil in his hand. He still has a bandage over one eye, but it is white today, no blood showing. It still gives him an intimidating appearance. "It's a little early, but everyone appears to be here. You all have the job listings. Let's get started. Chaz, Leeann, who's going first?"

"I am." Chaz's voice is clear.

Leeann nods wordlessly.

"I know you just got here, but you are first. Do you know what job you want?"

* * *

"Back to normal!" Leeann chirps as we line up for lunch. Her eyes are no longer red, and she seems to be back in a good mood.

"Normal?" Bekah asks.

Leeann nods. "During initiation, you aren't supposed to have much contact with family or other members, so… we had to sit at a different table. Now that we have jobs," Leeann smiles, "we can go back to our regular seats."

I have a sinking feeling I know who sits at her regular table. If it's just Eli and Nick, I can handle it. I'm afraid that since Eli and Jude are dating she'll be there too. I really don't want to have to face her at every meal.

I'm pleasantly surprised when Jazz and her husband sit with us. Then I remember that they were in Nick and Eli's initiation group. When it comes to Jude sitting there too, I wouldn't have minded being wrong, but Jude is next to Eli when we go to sit down. We're a large group, so I try to position myself as far from Jude as I can.

"So, what jobs did everyone get?" Eli asks.

Leeann smiles. "Chaz got maintenance, just like he wanted. I'm going to work for Ava. Angie is going to work in the kitchen. Rob is going to work somewhere in the Pit." Leeann waves her hand. You can tell she doesn't remember exactly where. "Bekah is going to be a nurse." Leeann wrinkles her nose to that. I guess nursing wasn't on her list of desired jobs. "Hana is in the control room." She shakes her head at me. She's already warned me I'm going to be bored. "Tori and Abilyn are on Factionless Patrol." She looks around the table to see if she missed anyone in our group, but that's all of the initiates seated with us.

Jude nods at Tori and Abilyn. "Welcome to the important job." She grins. "_WE_ actually do something useful, unlike some jobs where you just sit there and pretend to work." She gives me a pointed look. I'm guessing she doesn't think much of the control room.

"And what's the plan for apartments?" Nick grins at Leeann.

"Well," she smiles, "I'm getting the connecting apartment. The plan is girls in one room, boys in the other."

"No, you're not." Eli speaks up instantly. His voice is stern. "You are _not_ sharing an apartment with Chaz."

"It wouldn't just be Chaz and me." Leeann's voice is calm and reasonable. "He'll be in his own bedroom with the guys. I'll be in my own room with Angie, Hana, Bekah…" her voice trails off.

I'm sure my face pales. I'm going to have to find somewhere else to stay. There is no way I'm going for this.

"We'd just share a living room and kitchen." She shrugs.

"I said no." Eli's voice is hard.

"I'm a member now," Leeann informs him. "You may be my cousin, but you can't tell me what to do."

"I can on this."

Jude puts her hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. "Eli," her voice is soft. "It's not that big of a deal."

Eli pushes her hand off. "I don't live with you, she doesn't live with him." He crosses his arms.

Leeann crosses her arms and stares back at him. "Then move in with Jude."

Jude brightens at the statement. Eli continues to glower at Leeann.

"Nick," Leeann address her brother. "Don't you have anything to say?"

Nick shakes his head. "Eli's got it under control."

Then suddenly Leeann laughs. "I told you," she says to Angie, "that Eli would put up more of a fight about the idea than Nick."

Angie shrugs. "You called that one. Now before this comes to blows, can you end this and tell him the truth?"

Leeann sighs. "The real plan is that all the girls are staying together. We'll split the two rooms, and Chaz and the guys can figure out their own living arrangements." She pauses for effect. "Somewhere else."

Eli raises an eyebrow at her.

"I promise." She makes a crossing motion over her heart. "I was joking with Angie about it, and we discussed who would have a stronger reaction, you or Nick. We had to see who was right."

Nick laughs. "You've always been the more over-protective one."

Eli glares at him.

"Your reaction was pretty funny." Leeann grins at him.

"Almost as good as Hana's," Angie laughs. "Did anyone notice that?"

Fortunately, most heads shake no.

"I think she was considering joining the Factionless rather than face that," Angie continues.

Everyone looks at me. I feel myself starting to blush.

"There's nothing wrong with her not wanting to live with a bunch of guys," Eli defends me.

Leeann shakes her head at Eli. "You're only saying that because she's going to be rooming with me."

"And who do I room with?" Eli gives her a pointed look.

"Nick."

"And before it was just Nick and me it was…" Eli pauses for her to finish the sentence.

Leeann take a deep breath and sighs. "It's always just been guys."

Eli nods, like he's just won the point.

* * *

It doesn't take long for housing to get figured out. After all, Leeann's choice took care of all the girls. We leave Chaz and the boys to sort it out for themselves. Leeann and Angie decide to hang around to find out where the guys end up. Kelly comes with the rest of us to get our things; after all, we need someone to show us where the apartment is, and since the rest of us are transfers…

There's not much for any of us to grab. I'm sure Kelly must have more at her parents' apartment, but she'll take care of that after she shows us where our apartment is. At least, I hope she'll wait until after that.

"Most of the singles' housing is underground." Kelly wrinkles her nose. "I guess they figure if they stick us down in the dark, we'll be more likely to hurry up and get married so we can move up to the daylight, and they can have more little Dauntless running around." She grins.

We follow Kelly out the door. I'm the last one out. I pause for a moment at the door. I can't decide if I'll miss this place or not. It was my first home in Dauntless, but since we're all staying together, I wonder if it will really make that big of a difference to me to change locations.

The new apartment is nice. Not too far from the Initiate dorms. I don't think I'll get lost finding it. When you walk in, there's a nice-sized living area. It has two black couches; one is against the wall with the door, and the other one is at a ninety degree angle from it. Both of them have several decorative pillows on them. I'm not sure what you do with those. There is a small table in between the couches. A reclining chair is close to it. There's a throw rug on the floor by them. There's also a love seat across from one of the couches.

There's a small kitchen. It's so small I can't really picture doing much cooking for the seven of us there. I find myself wondering if there are even enough plates in the kitchen for all of us to eat at once. There is a table large enough for all of us between the seating area and the two doorways back to the sleeping areas.

"Pick a room," Kelly announces. "Leeann said it was first come, first serve, so if she and Angie want to wait for the guys, they get what's left." Kelly heads for the doorway on the left. "And honestly, unless someone snores, I don't think it's really going to make a difference." Tori and Abilyn follow Kelly. Bekah looks at me for a second, and then shrugs. She heads for the second room, and I follow her. I like Kelly, Tori, and Abilyn, but Bekah, Angie, Leeann and I started together. Given the choice I'd rather stay with them.

We aren't even unpacked when Leeann and Angie join us. We finish unpacking, and then wait for them to unpack their things from the dorms. Kelly, Leeann, and Angie all agree they will pick up the rest of their things after dinner. No one even suggests hanging around and cooking.

And just like that, it's done. Initiation is over. We are all ready to start our lives in Dauntless.

**Don't kill me! I realize I gave Tori the wrong job. That is intentional. I just don't see tattoo artist as a job you can pick. It's a job that takes actual talent. Tori will end up there. Don't worry!**


	13. Chapter 13- Settling In

**Thank you! To everyone who took the time to review the last chapter. I appreciate it. **

**And of course a huge thank you to bahrfamily who did the second edit on this while not feeling good and getting ready to go see Insurgent tonight! You're more dedicated than I am! ;-)**

**Characters for this chapter**

**Bekah- friend of Hana's transfer from Erudite**

**Leeann- Hana's best friend Dauntless born**

**There are several new characters introduced in this chapter. Miles and Carly are the two you'll see the most of. Although come to think of it, you might want to remember Tyson too…**

**Chapter 13 Settling In**

When we picked our jobs, we were each given a sheet of paper with instructions about where and when to show up for our first day. Most of the group leaves right after breakfast for their new jobs. Bekah actually heads to Erudite for medical training. She looks a little nervous to be headed back there today. I can't say that I blame her. If I was headed to Abnegation for the day, I'd be nervous too.

I take the elevator in the Pire with Leeann. She'll get off on the tenth floor, where leadership is located. At the fourth floor, I get off and wish her a good day, and then head off to find the control room. Fortunately, there are signs giving the location, so it isn't too hard to locate.

I stand outside the doorway and take a couple of deep breaths to calm down. Then I enter. The room is crowded; desks with screens are in rows like a classroom. Five random desks around the room are taken. Each person watches a screen, where the pictures flip quickly. They each wear a set of headphones on their ears, although one girl has one on her ear and the other on her cheek. There is a desk on a platform behind everyone. A man with a complicated series of lines tattooed on half his face sits there. He looks older than the people on the floor, and his position makes it so he can see their screens, so I assume he's my new supervisor. I head that way.

When I get to his desk, I stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally I clear my throat, and he looks up at me.

"I'm Hana." I hold out my hand like Leeann has taught me. "I'm your new …" my voice trails off, unsure of what to call myself.

"Hana!" He shakes my hand and stands. "We've been expecting you. Welcome to the control room." His voice seems loud, especially compared to how quiet the rest of the room is. "I'm Miles." He pumps my hand up and down. He leads me to the people who are working. "This is Bob," he points to a middle- aged man with a short ponytail of light brown hair. "Sue," a pale lady with frizzy strawberry blonde hair and tattoos of flames dancing up her right arm nods at me. "April." She looks up at me and smiles with dancing green eyes. Her dark brown hair is cut short on one side and long enough to fall into her face on the other. "Phil." Phil nods, his bright green Mohawk barely moving with his head. "And this," he leads me over to the girl with one ear covered by her headphones and the other one not, "is Carly." Carly smiles at me. Her brown eyes change instantly from boredom to interest. "She'll teach you the ropes the next few days."

Miles pulls a chair from behind a different desk and sets it next to Carly. He motions for me to sit down. "Carly, I'll take your rotation for the next hour. Give Hana the rundown and let her play around a little in that time. We'll put you back in after that."

Carly nods and pulls the headphones off completely. "Okay, Hana, let's get started."

* * *

Within the hour, I understand why Leeann thinks this job is boring. I, however, find it fascinating. We actually can see the whole city through cameras. And not just what happens on the outside: we also can see what happens in common areas of buildings. The headphones, as I had guessed, are for listening to what is happening. Since each camera shot is dropped after 5 seconds, it makes for a confusing jumble of sound. One moment you're listening to part of a conversation, then the camera shifts and you hear a train whistle, then it shifts again and you hear footsteps in a nearly empty building. The flickers of sound are harder for me than the constant shift of what I am looking at.

When our hour is over, I stay with Carly and she goes back to work. They plug in my headphones to her computer so I can hear, as well as see, what is going on.

"This is a dialogue box," Carly pulls it up on the left side of her screen. "Since we aren't allowed to get up if we need or see something, we can communicate with each other through it." She looks both ways and grins. "We also play games with each other and gossip when things are slow."

I smile back and nod.

"This," she pulls up another box, "is a control box. If you need to keep a loop longer because you see something, you use this." She types in what looks like gibberish to me, but when she hits enter, the camera stays and doesn't move on. "It will keep the camera you have until you type in the next code to release it." Her fingers fly and the rotation begins again. "I have a sheet of codes I'll give you before you leave today You'll need to study it and memorize it on your own time."

I nod again.

"During the day and afternoon/evening shift you work one faction and part of the factionless sector. You are assigned a different one every day. It's supposed to keep you from getting lax." Carly shrugs as if to say she's not sure it does. "We have Dauntless today."

* * *

It's the end of my second week in the control room. I've been with Carly, mainly watching her the whole time, but the last two days, she's been watching me. She told Miles I have it down, so I'm getting ready to start my actual shift. Miles explained to me that everyone in the control room is on a rotating shift. Five weeks on days, five weeks on afternoons/evenings, three weeks on overnights. The number of weeks corresponds with the number of people on that shift. The current opening that I'm filling is on afternoons and evenings so tomorrow I'll have my day free, but spend my evening hours at work. It will be strange to be on a different schedule than everyone else, but part of me is looking forward to it.

I enjoy spending time with my friends, but the Abnegation still left me in could use a little time away from everyone and the constant rush from one activity to another. Back home, the quiet evenings of knitting drove me nuts. Today I wouldn't mind it, once in a while, at least.

I sit cross-legged on the floor in my sweats with the cards spread out for a game Bekah taught me. It's designed for one person, and since everyone else has left me for the night, it is perfect. Tori and Abilyn have the late shift on patrol. Bekah is shadowing the night shift at the clinic. Angie has left with Rob for the evening. Leeann left, I'm guessing to be with Chaz. Kelly didn't say where she was headed, but she left about an hour ago. It's a rare night of solitude, closer to what I'm used to than most evenings, and just what I need after a day of the constant chatter over the headphones.

Suddenly Leeann bounces in, sees me on the floor with the cards, and scowls. "That's not really how you plan to spend the evening is it?"

"It is," I smile. "A nice quiet evening."

She shakes her head. "Not any more. I've got a better deal for you."

I raise my eyebrows and look questioningly at her. "What kind of a better deal?"

"Well…" she drags the word out as she grins at me. "It turns out Tyson thinks you're cute."

"Tyson?" I question.

"Tyson, from initiation," she pauses to think how I might remember him. "He was one on the guys who found your team's flag in Capture the Flag."

I think for a second. I believe I know which one of the two boys he was. "Okay, he thinks I'm cute. Why does that make you excited?"

"Because we're going on a double date."

"We're what?" Even I can tell my voice sounds horrified.

Leeann rolls her eyes at me and grabs my hand. "You're not staying here all alone, feeling sorry for yourself."

I'm feeling sorry for myself? I didn't realize that. I thought I was enjoying the peace and quiet.

"Get changed." Leeann commands me.

"Into what?" I ask automatically, and instantly I regret it.

Leeann groans. "Something nicer," she pulls me back to our sleeping area, and to my insufficient, to her, closet. Leeann sorts through my few clothes quickly. "What is it with you and not having options?" She pulls out a dress, the one with the shortest skirt.

"Really?" I grab for a skirt that almost comes to my knees and a loose fitting top. "What's about this?"

Leeann huffs. "It's better than what you're wearing. Change! I'm dragging you out of here in ten minutes, no matter what you look like."

I groan and quickly start changing. There goes my nice peaceful night.

* * *

Tyson is the one I remembered. It's not exactly awkward, being on a date with him. It's just not comfortable, at least not for me. We go watch the fights with Chaz and Leeann for a while, but it turns out Tyson enjoys the fights only a little bit more than me so we leave them there and wander off to watch the rope walkers. While we are watching them, Tyson informs me that his older sister is one of them. So he points her out, along with a few others that he knows. We spend some time watching them walk across the ropes, occasionally doing tricks, but it's so high up that my neck quickly gets a crick in it. I try to hide it, but Tyson must catch me when I am rubbing my neck. He asks me if I want to go back down to the Pit.

I don't want to be rude, but really, given a choice, I would tell him good night and head home, back to my card game. Instead I nod. We wander back down from the Pire to the Pit. I realize when we get back down that there's not a whole lot to do there. I can't imagine shopping with him, and I have no desire to watch him get a tattoo, or to get one myself.

Tyson clears his throat and asks, "Want to check out the Chasm?" His eyes are hopeful.

I can't think of anything else to do, so I nod.

He leads me to a somewhat sheltered spot by the end near the rail. It seems like a silly place to me. We can't even hear each other speak over the roaring water.

I'm watching the water churn and the waves splash up on the sides, not really paying attention to Tyson. I shiver just a little as I watch the water, imagining what it would be like to jump, like Harrison and Jazz talked about that first day. Tyson puts his arm around my shoulder. My body stiffens. I'm about to draw back when he pulls me closer.

He turns so we are facing each other, and before I register what is going on, I feel his lips on mine. I try to pull away, but he pulls me in closer and holds me tighter. His hand finds the gap between my shirt and my skirt and starts working its way up. His tongue brushes against my lips. I put both hands on his shoulder and push back as hard as I can.

For a moment we struggle. He tries to keep me close to him, to make me kiss him, to touch my bare skin, and I try to get away from him.

Finally in desperation, I stomp on his foot.

He lets go of me. "What was that for?" He stands on one foot.

"Let go of me!" I pull away from him. I step back out of his reach.

"Hana," he takes a couple steps closer to me, trying to avoid putting weight on the foot I stomped on.

I step back again.

"Why did you agree to come to the Chasm with me if you weren't going to kiss me?"

I take another step back. The horror I feel must show on my face.

"Hana, people on dates come to the Chasm to make out. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I had no idea…" I turn away from him and run.

* * *

I don't know how long I sit on my bed in the dark, holding tight to my pillow, before I hear the door to the apartment open. I wish I knew a place to hide. I'm not ready to see anyone.

"Hana?" Leeann's voice, coming from the doorway of our sleeping room, is hesitant.

"What?" I answer numbly.

"Where are you?" She flips on the light in the sleeping area. She quickly strides over to my bed and sits down next to me. "Are you okay?" She puts her arm around me and I stiffen up. "What happened?"

I bury my face in the pillow. "I don't really want to talk about it."

She strokes my hair. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" I lift my head to look at her. "I'm the one who humiliated myself."

"I'm the one who didn't think about the fact that you transferred," Leeann laughs. "Everything I've done to make sure you fit in, and I miss this." There is a moment of silence. "I'm so sorry." She rubs my back lightly. "I didn't even think about what you needed to know about dating. I'm so used to it that I never even thought you might be used to something different."

"Leeann,…" I begin. She looks over at me. "If this is how Dauntless date, I'm though dating. I don't date Dauntless-style. Even if that means I never date again."

"Okay." Leeann leans her head into mine. "I promise. I'll never try to set you up again."

I'm actually relieved when I remember that tomorrow I go onto the afternoon/evening shift for a few weeks. It will mess up my schedule and help me make sure I don't see Tyson anytime soon.

I don't think I can face him.

**If you are comparing the control room against the Divergent series, I do realize a couple of things. If you compare the description of the control room in Four: A Divergent Collection and the one given here they are different. It is intentional. You'll find out why later! Oh, and as Bahrfamily pointed out to me in Divergent the control room is on the eighth floor. The Four Collection has it on the fourth floor. I went with the location in the Four Collection because it has the best descriptions of the control room. Anyway, I have a plan for this. You'll just have to wait so see.**


	14. Chapter 14-Control Room

**As always a big thanks to bahrfamily for her help in both editing and ideas.**

**Characters:**

**Sultana (introduced this chapter): control room supervisor**

**Carly: Hana's co-worker in the control room**

**Isaac: Hana's younger brother (still in Abnegation)**

**Grace (Introduced in this chapter. This character is mentioned in ****Allegiant****, but very small part so I thought I'd mention it): friend of Hana's from Abnegation **

**Leeann: Hana's best friend in Dauntless**

**Chapter 14 Control Room**

My first week on my own in the control room is a blur: a blur of sights and sounds. But I'm told that because I didn't see anything to report, that it is a good week. "A little boredom is good on this job," Sultana, who is currently the shift supervisor, informs me when I tell her I am worried because I haven't seen anything.

The second week, Carly moves from days to afternoon/evenings. It's nice having someone I know, at least a little, in the control room.

Carly's message pops up on my screen. "Think anything will happen tonight?"

I shake my head. I haven't known her long, but I have no idea why Carly works in the control room. From what I've noticed, between her training me and what we've worked together this week, she gets bored easily and hates sitting still. Not a good combination for a job where you watch people go about their daily business. I type back my response, "Does anything _ever_ happen?"

"Not often," is her response.

I chuckle to myself and settle in. To me, it will be an interesting shift. Today I have Abnegation and the factionless feeds that go with it. I always pay a little more attention to the cameras when I have Abnegation. There's always a chance that I'll see someone I know.

In the first hour, I see Isaac getting off the bus after school. It's the first time I've seen him since Visiting Day. Without thinking it through, I pull the camera and watch him. He's grown. His pants are a couple of inches shorter than they were when I last saw him. Could he have really grown that much, that fast?

"What do you see?" Carly is looking over my shoulder.

Why did she get up from her station? How long has she been standing here? My fingers fly over the commands to release the feed.

I look around. Sultana is filling out paperwork. Everyone else is hunched over their screens. "My brother," I answer honestly.

Carly gives me a long look. "You transferred?" It sounds like a question even though it feels like a statement.

I nod.

"Did you pick the control room to watch them?" Carly's voice is wary.

I shake my head.

"Then why?"

"Carly!" Sultana must have looked up. "Why are you away from your computer?"

Carly holds up a bottle of water I hadn't seen. "I needed a drink."

Sultana sighs. "Get back to your computer."

Carly nods and walks back to her desk.

I'm not surprised when the dialogue box pops up. "So why did you pick the control room?"

I think about ignoring her. I'm not sure my reasons are good to type out where they might be keeping a record of them.

"Didn't want to do Factionless Patrol," I lie. "Want to grab some cake after we get off?"

* * *

The kitchen may be closed when we get off this shift, but they always seems to leave a cake or two laying out for those of us who work late, so we can have a snack after work.

"Sure!"

The dialogue box goes dead. I have until end of shift to decide if I'm going to tell her the truth, or make up a good reason. I'm pretty sure Carly will corner me then.

I lose myself in my feeds again. The second hour, I see nothing. The third hour, I see Natalie.

In her gray, she almost blends in, _almost_. There is just something about her that makes her stand out, even in gray. I don't pull the feed, but I watch her for the short time she appears on screen.

It's not the first time I've picked her out. I seem to see Natalie everywhere she is. Even in a throng of gray I can pick her out. Why is that? I sometimes wonder if it is because we traded places. Because I wonder, if she and I had both stayed put, would I be living her life? Somehow her life in Abnegation seems more interesting than mine ever did when I was there.

Carly manages to wait until we get to the cafeteria before she asks her question again. "Okay, so really, why did you pick the control room?" She grabs a slice of cake for each of us while I grab forks and milk. We sit down at a vacant table, a little ways from the cake, in case anyone else comes in.

I shrug. "It's a little Abnegation of me," I start.

Carly smiles. "Yeah, about that. Abnegation is where you transferred from? Really?"

I'm finishing a mouthful of cake so I nod. Once I swallow, I ask, "Why?"

"Because I never figured you for Abnegation. Candor or Erudite, maybe, but not Abnegation."

I chuckle. "Now you see why I left."

Carly laughs at me. "And yet your reason for picking the control room is a little Abnegation?"

I shrug. "I thought from the control room I would be able to watch people and send them help if they need it."

Carly shakes her head. "Doesn't happen often, but at least your reason is better than mine."

"Why did you pick it?" I've wanted to ask her that before.

Carly sighs, "Tradition. My parents met working in the control room."

"Does either of them work there now?"

"No," Carly gets a far off look in her eyes. "Dad died jumping off a train when I was twelve. Mom couldn't make the schedule work with us kids so, she quit and went to work in the kitchen." Carly stops talking and the silence stretches out while we finish our cake.

"I'm sorry about your dad," I say when we finish.

"Thanks, but it was a long time ago. Over ten years." Carly stands up. "Thanks for the idea of cake. We'll have to do it again sometime."

I nod. "Sounds good."

* * *

I notice the new barrels first in Amity. They are red and yellow, and placed in the cafeteria and the headquarters. I watch, puzzled, as a couple of people walk up to them with stacks of clothes in their hands. They deposit the clothes in the barrels and then walk off.

Next I see them in Candor. The barrels in Candor are black and white. I notice them in the Gathering Place and the cafeteria. No one goes near them that night.

It makes more sense the next day when I have Erudite. There is a group in gray bringing them in. I recognize Grace, my childhood friend. I pull the feed. Surely I can justify figuring out what these barrels are for. I've asked around and no one in the control room has noticed them but me. They should give me the excuse I'm looking for, if anyone notices.

Then I see the rest of them. It's Natalie and the boy from Erudite. They leave the blue barrels in the library. I let the feed go when they leave the first one. It's a service project. They must be collecting clothes for the Factionless.

Leeann is off early today. She had to go in early today to get things ready for a breakfast meeting, so we have an hour to hang out before I have to be at work.

We're in the Pit, trying to decide what to do, when I see the small group in gray.

"Let's check that out," I point to them.

"Why?" Leeann wrinkles her nose.

"Because I've been trying to figure out what those barrels are for, and I might know them."

Leeann looks at me sideways.

"Oh, it's not like that. I don't want to go back." I pause for a second, and then tell her the rest, "One of the people I've seen with the barrels is Natalie."

Leeann is thoughtful for a second. "Let's go see."

I can tell from the back that I'm right. Her blonde hair is not as noticeable in the bun as it was loose, in Dauntless, but there is still no mistaking Natalie.

"What are you doing?" Leeann asks.

Natalie turns around. "Leeann," she smiles, "it is good to see you."

"Natalie!" Leeann smiles brightly. "How are you?"

"I'm well, and you?" Natalie is quick to change the focus of the conversation.

"Doing good. I'm working for Ava now."

Natalie smiles a small Abnegation smile. "How is she?"

"She misses you."

Natalie nods. "I miss her too."

Suddenly the boy is at her side again.

"Leeann, let me introduce you to Andrew and…" she motions the other girl over.

"Grace!" I can't keep her name from escaping.

Grace smiles, and we exchange nods.

"You know Grace?" Natalie asks me.

I nod. "I'm Hana."

Natalie nods her head at me. "I've heard of you." She smiles. "People in Abnegation miss you."

"I miss them too."

"What are you doing?" Leeann asks again.

"We're doing a service project," the boy named Andrew answers. "These barrels are to collect used clothes for the Factionless."

I look at him for a moment and decide he is the boy from the Choosing Ceremony. He looks at Natalie with a mixture of pride and awe. Whatever reason she had for changing factions at the Choosing Ceremony, it is now obvious to me that he left Erudite for her.

"I can think of an outfit or two I have for that barrel," I mutter.

Leeann raises an eyebrow at me. "You do not! That dress looks perfectly divine on you. You just need to wear it."

I shake my head. I'm not about to start on this argument again. I'm not going to wear that dress she picked out for me. It might as well go to someone else.

I see a twinkle in Natalie's eye, and I smile my old Abnegation smile at her. Evidently we both know Leeann's taste in clothes, and it doesn't match ours.

"We need to go." Grace's soft voice breaks in.

I walk closer to her. "It's good to see you, Grace."

Grace smiles at me. It's a soft, comforting smile. Nothing like Leeann's wide one.

"Tell my family 'hi' and that I'm doing well, if you get a chance."

Grace nods. "Take care, Hana."

I nod back. "You, too."

The three of them walk off.

"I'll make a deal with you," Leeann tells me after they are gone.

"You wear that dress to dinner tonight, and if you don't like it, you can donate it tomorrow."

"How about I just donate it tonight?"

"Let me finish." Leeann gives me a little shove.

I automatically stiffen up. She doesn't seem to notice.

"As I was saying, you wear that dress to dinner tonight, and if you don't like it, you can donate it tomorrow. If you do that, I'll donate some of my old clothes too."

I sigh. Leave it to Leeann to figure out a way to get me to wear that dress. "I won't have time to change before work if I do that," I complain.

Leeann shrugs. "That's the deal."

"Fine," I roll my eyes. "It's almost time for dinner. I'm going to go change now."

* * *

Nervously, I pull at the hem of my skirt as we get ready to walk into the cafeteria. Leeann sighs. "Quit fidgeting with it. The more you pull at the hem, the more attention you're going to draw to it."

"It's too short," I complain.

"Why did you buy it then?"

"If I remember right, I bought it because you managed to talk me into it without trying it on."

Leeann grins. "Oh, yeah."

We walk over to our table and I sit down at the first seat I see. It's only after I sit down that I realize I should have looked more carefully before I sat. The empty seat I claimed is across from Jude.

Eli sits down next to her. She turns to him and kisses him on the lips. I quickly look down and start filling my plate. I will never get used to the public affection in Dauntless. Eli is closest to the rolls. It registers that he has picked up the basket, and I look up. He puts one on Jude's plate, and one on Leeann's, since she is sitting across from him. Suddenly there is a roll on my plate, too.

"Thank you," I automatically respond and look down at my plate. Why did he do that?

Jude glares at me. I look back down at my plate and start eating.

Great, one more reason for her to hate me.


	15. Chapter 15- Out of Place

**Characters**

**Eli: (Mentioned) Leeann's cousin**

**Nick: (Mentioned) Leeann's brother**

**Leeann: (Mentioned)Hana's best friend**

**Ava: (Mentioned) Dauntless leader**

**Chaz:(Mentioned) Leeann's boyfriend**

**Bekah and Abilyn: (Mentioned) friends of Hana's**

**Carly: Hana's co-worker**

**Thank you again to bahrfamily who as always did a great job editing for me!**

**Chapter 15 Out of Place**

It didn't take long for me to realize that I like watching the city after the sun goes down. I think it's that little piece of Abnegation still inside of me. When things calm down for the night, I can see more. I have the feeling that if something were to happen I could really help, but even after working in the control room for over two months, I still haven't seen anything to report. A little boredom may be good on this job, but I am beginning to wonder, if we never see anything, why is this job even necessary?

During the overnight shift I can really see what is going on. We're more likely to be able to help someone if they need it. I settle into my feeds. Overnight there are only three of us, including the supervisor, who work. The supervisor watches the Factionless sector and the other two of us each take two factions and half of Dauntless. Tonight I have Erudite, Amity and the Pire.

I think I like watching Amity the best. I like the moonlight reflecting off all the windows. There always seems to be a hundred moons in the Amity complex. A few people walk down wide hallways with wooden floors. There is something peaceful about the moonlight dappling through the trees when the feeds move to the orchards. Sometimes you see couples walking through the dark orchard holding hands and kissing. It is Amity, it is peaceful.

At night, the Pire's floors of offices are usually empty. Infrequently, you'll spot a leader or someone from Tech Support working late. Occasionally that means I'll spot Eli working late. My eyes seem to search for that, especially when I work night. When that happens, I can really see him, not just a glimpse of him that I get during the day. I haven't quite worked out why I do that for myself yet. I know one day I'm going to need to. One day I'll have to let myself figure out why he seems to attract my attention. I tell myself it's just because he helped me jump the stairs my first day in Dauntless, and that he's Leeann's cousin, but deep inside, I'm afraid it is something more. After all, I may see Nick, but I don't look for Nick like I do Eli.

The housing floors of the Pire are where most of the action for the Pire is at night, but housing in the Pire is usually families. I prefer that to the singles housing and the dating scene in the Pit. This late at night, in the Pire I see people coming home from later shifts and newlyweds holding hands and occasionally kissing as they walk to their apartments. I can handle that. The make out sessions in front of everyone that the Pit is known for still make me uncomfortable. I think they always will.

Erudite, in contrast, is stiff and formal, consisting of a maze of blue hallways. People walk briskly to wherever they are going. Couples here who walk the halls in the late evening still hold hands and kiss, quick kisses, but it seems so… mechanical compared to Amity, and passionless compared to Dauntless. Most people who walk the halls of Erudite carry a book or two. The Erudite library is always the most crowded place in my evening rotation. People at tables hunched over books and computers. People scanning the shelves for books. It's starting to empty though, the midnight lights off is fast approaching.

I'm watching the library when a woman about my age catches my eye. Her movements are nervous and twitchy. She stands by a door, looking around to make sure no one's attention is on her. I pull the clip out of rotation and watch. Something is about to happen, and I don't want to miss it.

And then it does.

She opens the door and slips out, unnoticed by everyone except me, miles away. She looks up at the camera for just a second, and I freeze the frame. I was right. She doesn't belong there. Her blonde hair is longer than most Erudite wear theirs, but it is the only thing about her that seems out of place. However, I know she is out of place. She doesn't belong in Erudite blue. That's not the color she chose. I let the camera go back to real time. The door closes behind her, and I let the sequence go back into rotation. My eyes are fixed on the screen, but I'm not really watching any more.

For a brief moment I wonder if I should report it, but who would believe me? It's unheard of for someone to sneak into another faction. In fact, when they told me things to watch for, they never mentioned looking at people to see if they were in the right faction. So despite my inner debate I decide not to worry about it.

Even though I try to ignore what I saw since I don't have to report it, my mind turns this piece of information around, and around, while the question repeats itself in my head. "What is Natalie doing away from Abnegation dressed as an Erudite?"

* * *

My time on the night shift is just about over for this rotation. I have this sunrise and then tomorrow and it's back to the land of the living. It will be nice to be back on the same shift as most of my friends, but I will miss watching the sunrise over this city.

Tonight it's been Abnegation, Candor, and the Pit. It's my least favorite night time rotation.

The Pit at night is full of night life, and full of couples. I don't mind the life; it's the couples making out that always makes me uncomfortable. If I give myself a chance to think, my mind wanders to Tyson. I don't like to think about that. Normally I wish the cameras stayed one place a little longer so I would have an idea as to what is going on. When I have the Pit rotation, I wish it was shorter so I didn't have to watch what was going on. After about two AM it's not so bad. Most people have left and it's empty. Then I can watch exciting things like the spray from the chasm hitting the rail.

Abnegation has its gray homes with a black night as a background. Abnegation is the most boring sector to have at night. You see vacant streets unless, I'm told, you have that one night a month where we – they- have their monthly meetings. I hear that then and only then do you see any activity in Abnegation. I don't know if I look forward to or dread the day I pull nights during that monthly meeting. It will be a chance to see my family and old friends. That could be good or bad.

That leaves us with Candor, the one spot where things can be interesting to watch on the night shift. Especially on the cameras in the Gathering Place, the center of night life in Candor. The problem with the Gathering Place is you have to learn where the doors are, since they are covered by either black or white cloth. I think I almost have them memorized, so I watch the areas where I think they are, carefully, to see if I am right. That's why I'm watching the black cloth when it twitches to the side and a blonde girl my age magically appears.

I don't hesitate; I pull the camera from rotation and leave it on my screen. She moves gracefully between the nearly empty round tables. She doesn't appear to be looking for anyone or anything in particular. She's just there. Just there in her black shirt with white cuffs and collar and white pants. She weaves across the room. Other people getting up and heading for other doors don't distract me from her. I have to let the camera go and find the next one to pick her up. I have to see her face and know if I'm right.

She reaches the other side and pulls across another black cloth. She turns around for a moment, and I can see her face clearly for the first time.

I was right, it's Natalie.

* * *

Even though I'm back on day shift, I can't help it. No matter what Faction they give me, every time I go to work, I seem to look for her. She's shown up two places she shouldn't be, dressed like she belongs there. It's almost as if she is trying to belong in every faction. It makes no sense.

Today I have Dauntless. It's fun to have during the day. You get to check up on everybody at work. I enjoy getting to tease them about things I see during their day, and since I don't know I'm going to have Dauntless until I get there that day… they never know ahead of time to if I could be watching them or not.

I see Leeann drops a stack of papers in the hallway running errands for Ava. Chaz is in a room behind the Chasm working on some pipes. He turns one the wrong way and finds himself soaked. Bekah is in the infirmary with her patients. She has a young patient who needs blood drawn that hits her in the arm causing her to drop the needle. Abilyn has a problem jumping on the train and ends up landing on her stomach, instead of her feet when she catches it to the factionless sector. Carly had the late shift so at lunch I see her nodding over her plate.

I see Natalie dressed in black, looking out at the Chasm. I pull the camera. She stands there with her back to everyone, lost in thought.

I wish I knew who to ask about this. What is she doing here?

* * *

The following Wednesday I have Abnegation. I'm beginning to understand why everyone hates getting Abnegation. It is the most boring of all the factions. I can already predict what is going to happen.

Nothing.

I knew everything was gray from living there, but watching it on the screen brings that even more into focus.

The camera shifts to the council room. For the first time, I see the council members there for a meeting. That's right; they have their weekly meetings on Wednesday. This at least might be interesting. I think back, trying to remember how many cameras are in the room.

I listen to the hum of voices as they get ready to start. Then they disappear and it's back to the Abnegations streets.

I sigh. Maybe I'll be lucky and see someone I know today. That's the only thing that makes Abnegation interesting.

When the council room shows up again, I sit up straight. Natalie is there. She's standing in front of the whole group. She's addressing the council leaders!

I pull the feed and turn up the volume. Nothing. I can see her, but I can't hear anything.

I quickly pull up the dialog box and type a message to Carly.

"If we don't pick up volume, we should report that, right?" I check with her.

"What do you have?" is her response.

"Abnegation."

"Council room volume is out?"

"How'd you know?" I type back.

"Happens from time to time," is her response. "We normally don't report it, but if it's the first time that it has happened to you, report it so they know you are paying attention."

"Thanks." I close the dialogue box and pull up a reporting box.

Natalie is still speaking in front of the group when I finish. There is still no sound. Why would she be speaking at a council meeting? She's too new to be on the council, and even if they think she will be one day, it would still be a couple of years before she might be observing, not speaking.

* * *

"So what's up with the volume being out in the council room?" I ask Carly as we walk to dinner.

She shrugs. "They seem to have control of their own volume. When they are discussing things that they don't want the general population to know about, they cut the volume. It happens; not often, but it happens. A lot of times you can figure out what was going on if you watch the papers. About a month or two after you see it, the Erudite print an article about a change the council has decided on."

"Okay." It makes sense, but it doesn't explain why Natalie of all people would be involved in that. There is something about that girl that doesn't add up.


	16. Chapter 16- Dare

**Characters**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Tyson: (mentioned) Member of Hana's initiation class who she went on one date with **

**Nick: Leeann's older brother**

**Abilyn and Kelly: (mentioned) roommates of Hana**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**Jazz and Rais: one of Hana's initiation instructors and her husband**

**Thank you as always to Bahrfamily for her feedback on her chapter, both in editing and in the story itself.**

**Chapter 16 Dare**

"Get ready to go!" Leeann bounces into the apartment.

"Go where?" I look at her warily. The last time she came in this excited was my failed date with Tyson. I decided that night that I'm too Abnegation to date in Dauntless. So if she thinks she's about to set me up again, she's sadly mistaken.

"Nick is putting together a game of Dare, and we're invited."

Tori walks in the door.

"Tori, want to go play Dare with us?"

"Dare?" Tori questions her.

"Dare." Leeann shrugs, "You know, someone dares you to do something, and you go do it. It's a lot of fun. You never know what you're going to get to do, or where we'll end up." She heads to her closet. "You both need to change."

Just like that, we are both going. Tori rolls her eyes at me and smiles. She heads to the room she shares with Abilyn and Kelly, to go through her closet and find a new outfit.

I groan. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Too…" Leeann pauses, searching for the right word, "every day." She pulls out a shirt with one sleeve and ruffles along the neckline that plunges under her. "You need something more…" she pauses again, and I start trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this. "Exciting," she finishes.

"I don't have exciting clothes," I inform her.

"I'll look, and if you're right, we can look through my closet!"

"Your clothes will be too big!" I protest.

Leeann's brown eyes sparkle. "Then you'd better hope we find something in your closet!"

* * *

It turns out Leeann, Tori, and I are the youngest ones there. No one else from our class was invited. In fact, the whole group seems to be made up of people from Eli's and Nick's initiation group. So besides Nick, Eli, Jude, Jazz, and Rais, I don't know any of them. Leeann knows them, so no one thinks to introduce Tori or me to them.

"In case anyone has forgotten," Nick smiles and winks at me, "someone gives you a dare, you take a drink, and you do the dare. You pick the next person and their dare. Simple."

"There's one more rule tonight," Rais speaks up. "I'm the only one who dares Jazz."

"Rais," the melody is missing from Jazz's voice. She sounds irritated.

"No, it's that or you don't play at all."

"He's a little protective right now," she smiles and shakes her head.

"Yes, I am." Rais stands behind her and puts his arms around her and rests his hand on the growing baby. "Of both you and our son. Do you want to play or not?"

Jazz sighs loudly. "I want to play."

"Why don't we start with Jazz?" Eli quickly intervenes.

"You better make it good." Jazz glares at her husband.

* * *

"Tori!" Nick smiles at her and takes a drink from the flask when his turn is over. "I dare you to spray paint the word Dauntless in the Fear landscape room." He tosses the flask to Tori.

She grins at him, catches the flask, unscrews the lid, and takes a swig. "Lead on, Fearless Leader!" We leave the training, room where Nick has just thrown a knife at an apple on top of Leeann's head. It was a two- for- one dare.

We head up the stairs to the Fear Landscape room. There is a can of red spray paint waiting for us in the room. I raise my eyebrows at Nick. I have a feeling this was his idea. Even though he and Leeann consulted on this Dare, he talked, she nodded her head, and he's the one who said it, something tells me he's planned out this dare. This may even be the whole reason for playing tonight.

Tori walks over to the can and starts shaking it.

While she starts spraying part of the wall in red paint, I walk over to him. "Was this planned for Tori, or just for whoever you caught in your sights?" I whisper.

"Tori." That Pedrad grin is firmly in place. "I saw her drawing the other day. We need a new tattoo artist. I figured this was a good way for Bud to see her artistic talent."

I smile at him. There's no denying it, Nick's a good guy.

I feel someone looking at me. I look away from Nick and see Eli looking at me. I shift my eyes to avoid his and see Jude instead. She's got her arm wrapped around his waist, but she's not looking at him. She's looking at me, too.

I look away from both of them to check on Tori. It is amazing. "Dauntl" is already finished in an artistic flare. Nick is right: Tori has talent. The letters look both angry and welcoming. Tori finishes and steps back to look at it. She shakes the spray can a little and touches up the last "s". Then she turns and throws the spray bottle at Nick. She's good, very good.

Bud walks over to them and checks it out.

Tori grins and takes the flask back from Leeann. She takes another swig. I can tell from the look in her eyes and the set of her mouth, she knows she's good. "Jude."

Eli's girlfriend turns to Tori. She never breaks contact with Eli.

"I dare you to break into Candor's headquarters and bring back a set of scales."

Jude holds out her hands and Tori throws the flask to her. "Easy."

* * *

"I dare…" Jude tries to balance out the scales she took from Candor. When she can't seem to make it do that she looks around the group with narrowed eyes until she lands on me. "Hana." The only word you could use to describe her look is evil. She _really_ doesn't like me. I wonder if it is because I was on the winning team for Capture the Flag, and might be the one who shot her into the water, or if it's from the fight we had at the end of initation when I caused her injured hand to bleed, or if she remembers me from before that. Before I transferred, I always figured my gray clothes made me invisible, but Jude gives me the impression that she does remember me. If she does, it probably isn't a good thing for me. The fact that she has called my name makes me nervous. "Climb the Amity fence, pick an apple, and come back across the fence."

I shrug, glad I'm sober. I've seen the Amity fence before. I wouldn't want to try to do this if I'd had as much to drink as most of the people playing have had.

We catch the train and leave the city behind. When we jump off the train by the Amity fence, Jude hands me the flask. I hold it to my lips and drink just a little of it. It tastes sharp and bitter. I try hard to hide my grimace. I don't like the taste at all, but it is part of the game.

"Did you even drink any?" Jude asks. She cuddles up next to Eli, wrapping his arm around her.

"Yes." I have this insane desire to breathe in her face to prove it. I may not have drunk much, but there is enough to be on my breath.

She eyes me suspiciously. "Take another."

I try to decide if I should refuse or just do it in the name of peace. Before I can decide, I hear Eli take up for me. "No one else has had to take two drinks."

She spins out of his arms and glares at him. "Everyone else had been drinking before their turn, too."

Eli shrugs. "That's not a requirement."

I take advantage of the distraction and walk over to the fence. I didn't realize it was quite so tall. I look it over and decide it should be easy enough. There is a pattern of squares turned on the tips like diamonds. Today is a good day to be small. My hands and feet will be able to use those to grip. The top is my concern. There is wire that loops around the top. It has sharp points at regular intervals. I bite my lip. How am I going to get over that?

Then it dawns on me. The leather jacket I'm wearing will be perfect to place over the top so I can climb over it. I wish I was wearing another top. I only allowed Leeann to talk me into the tank top because I didn't think I'd ever take the jacket off. Too late to change it now.

I unzip the jacket to make it easier to take off at the top. I take off my shoes and socks and stuff the socks in the toes of the shoes. "Here," I hand them to Leeann. "Take care of these for me." With that, I walk the rest of the way to the fence and loop my right hand into one open square as high as I can reach and place my left foot into another hole as far up as my short legs will go. Alternating hands and feet, it doesn't take me too long to reach the top of the fence. The top is the tricky part. I push my left wrist all the way through the fence and shrug out of the right arm hole of my jacket. With that done, I place my right hand in a hole near the left hand and grab onto the edge of the coat. I hold onto it as I pull my left arm out.

Carefully, I change hands, making sure I never lose contact with the jacket. If I drop it, I'll have to start over. I don't want to start over. When my right hand is free and holding the jacket, I take a deep breath and hold it. Here goes nothing. I throw the jacket over the barbed wire at the top.

When the jacket lands and stays right where I wanted it, I let out the breath I was holding. It takes some maneuvering to get as close as I can to the top and throw one leg over the top, inching it over until my foot sticks inside a square again. Then I swing my other my leg over. Very carefully, I move one arm, then the other to the top and over. When all of my body is on the Amity side of the fence, I let out a shaky breath and start climbing down.

I am so glad I haven't been drinking with the rest of them.

My feet touch the damp grass of the Amity side. It is late enough that dew is starting to collect on the grass. I look through the fence at the rest of the Dare players. I give them a quick wave and disappear into the darkness to find an apple.

The orchard is just far enough away that I can see the fence, but I can't make out the figures standing on the other side of it.

As I reach the first tree, I notice a blonde girl in a red Amity shirt and yellow Amity pants. The sight of her startles me.

"Hana!"

"Natalie?"

We say each other's name at the same time.

For a moment we both stare at each other.

"What are you doing here?" Natalie is able to speak before I do.

"Dare," I answer.

Natalie nods.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I pause for a moment, debating if I should ask her the rest or not. I decide I want to know. "And in Candor four weeks ago, and in Erudite five weeks ago?" I stop, leaving out for now the fact that I saw her in Dauntless last week, and at a recent council meeting in Abnegation, other places she shouldn't have been.

Natalie's green eyes go wide and she stares at me. "You've seen me?"

I nod.

"How?"

"Control room."

She nods.

"I don't have much time," I mutter to her.

"Have you told anyone?"

I shake my head. "Who would I tell?"

"Hana?" It's a male Pedrad. I can't tell if it is Nick or Eli.

"I'm fine!" I yell back. "Trying to find an apple."

I start hunting for an apple on the ground.

"When do you work tomorrow?" Her voice is gentle, like the night air.

"Day."

Natalie nods, grabs an apple she sees on the ground, and hands it to me. "Meet me tomorrow in Dauntless." She proceeds to give me directions to a corridor removed from the Pit. "Down that hallway there is only one door, one apartment. I'll meet you there between 10:05 and 10:08 tomorrow night." She fixes her green eyes on me. "Set your watch to the clock in the control room. Show up between 10:05 and 10:08pm. Not earlier, not later."

I nod.

Her hand reaches out and grabs mine. "You have to be that exact. I can't give you a bigger window."

I nod again and sprint to the fence.

I have to face the fence again. I leave my confusion about Natalie behind me for now. I can't be distracted when I climb that fence. I wish I thought I could lob the apple over the fence, but I'm pretty sure it would never make it across. The apple is too big to go through the fence. I sigh. Now I have to figure out how to get the apple to the other side of the fence. Something tells me that even if she sees it through the fence, Jude will never count it unless it is on the right side of the fence.

The only pockets I have that will hold it are my jacket pockets. The same jacket that is draped over the top of the fence. Holding an apple and climbing the fence doesn't seem very safe to me. I consider trying to hold it with my neck, but I'm pretty sure I would drop it before I get to the other side. That leaves one option.

I make sure my tank top is securely tucked in and drop the apple down the front. It had better stay there.

I retrace my path up and over the fence, taking time to retrieve my jacket and put it back on. I contemplate the idea of taking the apple out of my shirt now and putting it in the jacket, but I decide not to press my luck.

I'm five feet off the ground when I realize what it is going to look like, and that all the guys will be watching as I retrieve the apple from inside my shirt when I get to the ground. Suddenly I know I can't make myself do that. I wrap my left hand around the fence and reach into my shirt from the neck with my right. "Jude!" I turn to throw her the apple, but my feet slip as I do, and my left arm is the only thing keeping me from falling.

Panicked, I swing my legs back into the fence, trying to put my feet back in. I look for Jude, or anyone to throw the apple to, but my left hand starts to give way. In my panic, my feet can't find any holes to step into.

"Drop!" I don't look to see which of the Pedrad boys the voice belongs to. I don't have time to, because just then, my left hand gives way and I fall. I hear Leeann scream just before I hit their arms.

I open my eyes and see Nick, Eli, Chaz, and Rais looking at me. They've grabbed each other's arms, like at zip lining, and made a quick net for me to land on. They lower me to the ground. "Thanks." My voice shakes.

Leeann is next to me in an instant. "Are you ok?"

I nod.

"Are you sure?"

I nod again.

"Can you talk?"

Without thinking, I nod again.

"Hana! Say something!"

I hold out my right hand. The one still clutching the apple. "Give this to Jude."

Leeann shakes her head. "You scared me." She swats me on the arm. "Don't do that again!" Then she takes the apple out of my hand and throws it at Jude. "Here's your apple." Then, under her breath, so soft I'm not even completely sure I hear her, she mutters. "I hope you choke on it."


	17. Chapter 17- First meeting

**Characters this chapter**

**Miles: Control Room supervisor**

**Leeann, Chaz, Angie, Rob, Tyson: Dauntless Born members of Hana's initiation class.**

**Thank you to everyone who took time to reveiw the last chapter. I appreicate your feedback.**

**Thank you as always to the wonderful Bahrfamily! I couldn't do this without you!**

**Chapter 17 First Meeting **

It's a long day in the control room. I have Amity today. Usually I enjoy Amity, but after last night, I feel a little shaky as I look at the fence. I can't believe I climbed it last night. I really can't believe I saw Natalie on the other side of the fence, and that I'm supposed to meet her tonight. Part of me thinks it must have been a dream, but before I came to work today, I found the hallway she described and found the door to the room. So I know it was real.

I feel a little bit like Carly, the way I keep checking the clock to see how much time has passed. Today time crawls.

When the cameras show the farm lands of Amity and I see the happy farmers going about their work, I am fine. The greenhouses, empty except for the plants in their watery homes, are peaceful. These parts of Amity, along with the housing, I can handle.

It's when the cameras shift to the fence that I feel myself falling again.

When the camera near the gate is showing, I try to concentrate on the trucks exiting and entering Amity's area. My brows furrow. There's something wrong with one of the trucks. I pull up the dialog box and rapidly punch in the code to pull the camera feed so I don't lose it. Then I pull up a second box for Miles, the shift supervisor right now. "I have a truck that doesn't look right returning to Amity."

"What's wrong?" The question appears on my screen.

"It's weighed down more than the trucks leaving Amity," I type back.

"What?"

I shake my head. "Check out Amity camera 98. The third truck is lower than any of the trucks that are leaving the compound."

"I've got it," is the response. "Return to watching all cameras."

The feed for camera 98 is now Miles responsibility. He'll check out the truck and I'll keep watch over the rest of the faction.

Right before my shift ends, I check my watch against the clock on my computer. I make sure that they match.

It crosses my mind that I have no idea why she gave me such a short time frame. Three minutes isn't long, but I should be able to do it.

* * *

"Hana. Hana! Hana?" Chaz snaps his fingers in front of me. "Hey, are you in there?"

I blink and look over at him. "Yes?"

"Pass me the corn, please."

I pick up the corn and pass it to him.

"Where were you?" Leeann nudges me in the arm.

I stiffen at her touch. "Amity."

"That was quite a dare." Jazz shakes her head. "Maybe I am glad Rais was in charge of my dare last night." She laughs and leans into her husband.

"What?" Angie looks over at us. She doesn't look too happy that she missed a game of Dare.

"Nick put together a Dare game last night while you were off with Ro-ob," Leeann says Rob's name in a sing-song voice.

"What happened?" Bekah asks.

"Jude dared Hana to climb the Amity fence and get an apple," Leeann responds. There is still some venom in her tone.

"Hana fell off the fence when she was about five feet off the ground," Tori jumps in.

"Are you okay?" Abilyn asks.

"I'm fine." I try to brush it off. "The guys made a human net like at zip-lining and caught me."

"That had to be scary," Angie responds. She looks a bit worried for me.

"Really, I'm fine. It's just, somehow I ended up with the Amity cameras today so…" I shrug. "I thought about last night more than I wanted to."

Abilyn's look is questioning. It's like she knows there is something more to this story. I hold my breath, afraid she's going to call me out on it like only a former Candor can.

But amazingly, she doesn't, and the conversation shifts to a new topic.

* * *

I check my watch: 10:00. Almost time. I walk around the Pit, trying to stay close to the hallway Natalie described to me. There aren't a lot of people at this end. Leeann wanted me to play cards tonight, so I played a couple of hands. My mind wasn't in it. I played some horrible games, as bad as when they were first teaching me. I finally managed to excuse myself to go for a walk.

10:02. Three more minutes. What do I do with three more minutes? I could walk back to the Chasm and watch the water for a little bit, but I don't want to attract attention, but if I keep standing here, I'm going to attract attention anyway. I walk slowly back toward the Chasm.

I check my watch. I've spent enough time that, with walking back to the hallway, I should arrive right on time.

I stand in the hallway near the room Natalie described and check the watch I set to the control room clock five hours ago. 10:06. Time to move. There is no one else in the hallway so I walk to the room and open the door.

The apartment is small, cozy almost, with bright white walls. There is a small kitchenette with a refrigerator tucked in one corner. A small kitchen table with two chairs tucked under it is nearby. Natalie sits on one of two black easy chairs by a coffee table just off the kitchen area. Beyond that, there is a door with what appears to be a small bathroom. A little further on is a bed with, of all things, a blue patchwork quilt covering it. Why would an Erudite quilt be on a Dauntless bed?

Natalie is seated on one of the two chairs. She lays across it sideways. Her head hangs off one arm and her knees hang off the other, waiting for me.

"Hana," she nods at me, smiling.

"Natalie," I nod back.

There is a moment of awkward silence between us. "I bet you have a lot of questions."

I nod. "You could say that."

She points to the other chair. "Have a seat. We have time to talk, right?" She sits up straight.

I sit next to her and nod in agreement. "No one expects me anywhere until breakfast tomorrow. Of course, my roommates will want to know where I spent the night."

Natalie nods and laughs. "And in Dauntless they'll want to know who he was." She looks at me for a moment. "What I'm getting ready to tell you is hard to believe, but it is true." Her green eyes capture mine and hold them. "Before I tell you my story, I need to know that you are who I think you are."

My eyebrows draw together in confusion.

Natalie takes a deep breath. "Are you now brave enough to keep a secret? A very important one that you will never be able to tell anyone, but if you are still selfless enough to do it, you can help me save lives."

It's a cryptic statement she gives me, but it is one that, having transferred to Dauntless after being raised in Abnegation, I can accept.

"Yes."

"I wasn't born Dauntless." Natalie gages my reaction.

I react slowly. "You had to be. No one changes factions before they are sixteen. You were in my Choosing Ceremony." The unspoken "but" echoes loudly in my head.

"But…" The word must show on my face because Natalie voices it.

I take a deep breath, wondering how this is going to work out. "But I remember Leeann hanging by her knees on the sculpture outside the upper levels building. I remember Chaz climbing the outside of the mid-level building to retrieve a bird's nest for science. I remember Angie throwing a punch at Rob. I remember Rob capturing the snake that fell from the lights in our biology class. I remember Tyson jumping out the second floor window during a fire drill…" My voice trails off. For a moment we are both quiet. "I remember all of them, every single one of them doing something, except you. I don't even remember you until our last year, and then I don't remember you doing anything Dauntless. I just remember you being there."

Natalie smiles at me. "That's because I wasn't here until then. I came from outside of the city."

I shake my head. "Outside the city?" My mind struggles to comprehend what that means. "Amity?" I know that's not right, but it is the only thing I know outside of the city.

Natalie shakes her head. "There is much, much more than Amity outside of the city. I can't tell you everything, but I'll tell you what I can." She sticks her hand in her pocket and plays with something inside of it. "Once I've told you everything I can, I need you need to be completely honest with me and tell me if you want keep the secret or not."

"If I don't?" I swallow hard.

"Then I'll help you forget everything I tell you." Her eyes hold mine. "But I think you can and will keep the secret, Hana. I'm counting on you a lot."

I nod. Something in my gut tells me to trust Natalie on this. "Tell me."

"A long time ago there was no fence. This was just a city. You could come and go as you pleased. Then, there was a war." Natalie takes a deep breath. "Many, many people died. After the war," she pauses like she's trying to figure out what to say next. "After the war, they came up with a plan to try to avoid any more wars. They built the wall around your city. They put people in here and split them up according to desired personality traits. Then they waited. They waited to see if helping people focus on one trait would help them to be better people. People who wouldn't fight and kill each other."

"We haven't had a war here. It must work."

Natalie gets a strange smile on her lips, but says nothing.

"So why do you need my help?"

"There are people on the other side of the fence who keep an eye on what is happening here. They sent me in here to check on some things. You are very observant, you work in the control room." She shrugs like it is no big deal, but something in her posture and the set of her face tells me what she's about to say is a _very_ big deal. "I could use someone like you to help me."

I stand up and pace the small room. Her story seems a bit farfetched. People living outside the fence and knowing about us? But, I don't know what is beyond the fence. I want to believe her. "How do I know that's true?"

"You've been under truth serum." Natalie gives me a level stare.

I shrug. "All the girls in my initiation class know that. Turns out Abilyn was the girl who put the book in my locker."

"They asked you about something else while you were under."

I freeze, unable to even breathe. I never even told my parents about the other thing they questioned me about.

"There was a Candor boy who had been beaten up." Natalie takes a deep breath. "You were the one who stopped it. They took that opportunity to ask you more about that."

"How?"

"I watched your session from the cameras on the other side of the fence." Natalie holds my gaze. "I didn't have to be introduced to you, Hana Wren. I knew who you were before you knew me."

At that moment I decide I'm in. I'll help Natalie however she needs me. "What do you need me to do?"

Her smile grows. "You'll help me." It's a statement, not a question, but I answer it anyway.

"I'll help you."

Natalie closes her eyes and sighs with relief. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this, but you need to know that if anyone discovers what we are doing, it could be very dangerous."

I nod. "I'm still in."

"The Abnegation council knows part of the truth. It's been passed down through every generation," Natalie tells me. "The council even knows I came from the other side."

My eyes grow round with shock. I shouldn't be surprised. I watched her speak in front of the council while they turned off the volume so I couldn't hear her. The council wouldn't listen to just any sixteen year old. I knew at the time something was wrong about that.

"Sometimes a few council members even make the trip to the other side, but when they get back, the Amity make sure they don't remember the trip." Natalie pulls a vial out of her pocket. There is a small amount of a clear liquid in it. "This is what makes them forget." She puts it in my palm and wraps my fingers around it. "If you change your mind, drink this. If you ever feel like you are in danger, drink this. You will forget everything about a given time frame. Make yourself a note of memories you don't want to forget. Keep it with the vial. If you ever have to take it, keep reading the note so you'll hang on to those memories,"

I nod and pocket the vial.

"Put is somewhere safe. Somewhere you can get to, but no one else will find it."

I nod.

"This was my room when I was placed in Dauntless. We'll need to work something else out eventually, but for right now, we'll meet here."

I nod again. "What do you need from me?"

"Right now, I need you to be my eyes and ears."


	18. Chapter 18- Goodie Bag

**Characters**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Bekah: Hana's friend**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**A special thanks to Bahrfamily. Not only for her editing skills, but also for the question. "What was in the bag?" and for pointing out should be...**

**Chapter 18 Goodie Bag**

"So?" Leeann doesn't even try to hide the excitement and curiosity in her voice when Tori returns to the table where we are eating lunch. "What did Bud want?"

Tori sits back down in her seat and spins a forkful of spaghetti without answering. She lifts the fork almost to her mouth and holds it suspended there while she smiles at Leeann. "He wants me to talk to him this afternoon about changing jobs."

Leeann squeals.

"That's great!" Abilyn looks excited for her, but then suddenly her face falls. "You're going to leave me on the factionless patrol with Tyson, aren't you?"

"I don't know yet. He wants to talk to me. That doesn't mean he's going to offer me the job." Practical Tori takes over.

"Bud has been looking for someone to help him at the tattoo parlor for almost two years now, ever since, Frank, his mentor, died unexpectedly," Nick chimes in. "As far as I know, he's never even found anyone to talk to before this."

Tori's smile breaks into a grin.

* * *

At dinner, Tori's eyes are bright with excitement. "I'm supposed to spend the next week shadowing Bud to see what he does, then the week after, I'll get a chance to do some basic tattoos, to see if I have any talent." The rest of us are almost finished, but she hasn't eaten anything yet. Every time the fork gets close to her mouth, someone either asks her another question or she remembers something else she needs to tell us.

"Eat." Eli puts a roll on her plate. "Quit talking and eat. We're all nearly finished and you haven't even taken a bite."

Tori's bright laughter sounds as she takes a bite of her roll. "Yes, mother," she answers around it as she teases him.

* * *

Tori jumps when I sit down next to her. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Tori tries to smile. "I know. Bud was supposed to let me know about the job this morning, but when I got to the tattoo shop he wasn't there." She takes a deep breath. "I thought I would help him out and keep the tattoo parlor open today, but now I'm afraid I did the wrong thing."

"Did you do any tattoos?" Bekah asks. She's been talking tattoos with Tori a lot lately.

Tori nods. "A couple. A Dauntless seal on one man's bicep and a baby's name on a new mother's forearm."

"How'd they turn out?" Leeann asks.

"I think they turned out pretty good, but…" Tori stops.

"I think Bud will appreciate you keeping the shop open for him," Nick speaks up.

"I hope so," Tori's voice is hesitant. "I really like working there."

* * *

My last shift before meeting with Natalie is winding down when I notice an Amity girl in a yellow shirt and red pants, with her blonde hair in a braid down her back. A large, woven red bag hangs from her shoulder. She kneels by the fence and pulls a section of the wire towards her. I don't want to pull the camera and possibly draw attention to it, but I have a feeling I know who it is and what she is doing. I decide that I want to see if I'm right, so I pull up the dialog box and go back four cameras in the rotation. Sure enough, when I get back to that camera, the girl that stands on the other side of the fence is Natalie.

I bite my lip, pretending to watch the cameras, but I probably don't even pay as much attention as Carly does. I was right. Natalie does slip through the fence. She goes back and forth.

I wonder what she has in that bag. She set tonight's meeting for two weeks after our first meeting so she could get things arranged for me. I wonder if what is in the bag is for me. That thought gives me a little thrill. I don't know that anyone has ever given me anything before. Presents are selfish.

I force myself to concentrate on the cameras instead of speculating about the bag. The sun is beginning to set. It's only a couple of hours until this afternoon/evening shift is over, and then it will be time to meet again with Natalie.

* * *

I check my watch. 11:48. I told Natalie to give me at least half an hour. Carly and I have cake after work a couple times a week. Natalie told me to keep to my schedule as much as possible, so we planned this meeting with time built in for us to have our cake and talk. It worked out perfectly. I'm right on time. I walk down the hallway and try the door. It opens to my touch.

Natalie is there just like last time, sprawled on the recliner.

"How do you sit in Abnegation?" I ask her with a laugh.

She turns towards me. "I sit correctly, but when I'm away from everyone," she smiles at me, "I relax."

I shake my head at her. After being raised Abnegation, I don't think I could sit that way if I tried.

She sits up straight and pulls out a black bag from next to her. "I have something for you."

"What happened to the red bag?" I smile.

Natalie shakes her head. "Sometimes you are almost too observant."

I shrug. "Isn't that part of what you like about me?"

Natalie laughs; when she stops, she asks me seriously, "Where did you see me with it?"

"When you crossed under the fence."

For a moment Natalie is quiet; when she speaks again, her voice is very soft. "You don't miss much, do you?"

I smile. "Along with working in the control room, I'm just what you need."

Natalie laughs. "You have no idea." She stands up and motions me to follow her to the kitchen table. She sets the bag on top of it and starts pulling things out. She pulls out a key, a paper map, several vials of a clear liquid similar to what she gave me the first time, a larger vial full of a light green liquid, a folded piece of paper, a pen, a thin piece of wood that reminds me of the bottom of my drawer, a drive about the size of the first joint of my thumb, and finally a piece of glass about the size of a sheet of paper with the thickness of my pinky. "Where to start?" She presses her lips together and thinks. She grabs the bag first. "We'll start with this." She holds the bag out for me to see. "It works for both Dauntless and Candor. Just make sure you are wearing white if you need it to work for Candor."

I nod and reach out to take it, but Natalie keeps it and flips it over.

"There's a flap right here." She shows it to me. "Pull it like this," she says as she demonstrates. The black fabric moves and the red bag that she carried in Amity appears before me. She straightens the lining out inside of it. The other side of the black material is yellow. "This way it works for Amity." She pokes the handles through the material. She's right. It looks perfect for Amity. She puts it back the way it was. "On this side," she reveals a second flap, "it works for Erudite." She pulls out a navy covering and works it over the bag.

"Magic!" I smile.

"I don't know if you'll need it or not, but," she shrugs, "it may be handy to have." She hands it to me. "Try it."

I spend the next few minutes changing it from one faction to another. I finally look up at her and ask her the question that's been gnawing at me. "What about Abnegation?"

"Have you ever seen an Abnegation carrying a hand bag?" she asks.

I shake my head.

"So, hope that if you need to carry something into Abnegation, it fits in your pocket!"

I nod.

"Ok, next." She picks up the key. "This is a master key to Dauntless. This will get you into any locked door in the compound."

I take the key and slip it into the bag.

"Here is a map of Dauntless." She hands me the map. "Be careful with this. It shows the underground tunnels out of Dauntless. Some of them the leaders don't even know about."

I nod and add it to my bag.

She hands me all of the vials at once. "The clear liquid is Abnegation serum, memory serum if you will. It's what I gave you last time. This is enough that if you ever get caught by all your roommates, you can reset the last hour of their lives. This one," she holds up the light green liquid, "is Amity's Peace Serum. It calms people down." She shrugs. "I'm not sure why you would need it, but just in case you do..." Next, she hands me the pen. "Be careful with this, it isn't really a pen. It will write about a sentence, but that's it." She holds the pen close to her eye and clicks it twice. "That is how you take a picture."

My eyes widen. Being from Abnegation, I haven't seen too many cameras, but the ones I've seen sure didn't look like that.

Natalie laughs at me. "If you push down the clip," she pushes it down with her thumb, "it starts a voice recorder. Pull it up," she flips the clip up with her thumbnail, "and it stops the recorder. Everything is sent directly to my computer." She grins. "So, don't say anything bad about me."

Next, she hands me the drive "This is what you will use the most, at first. I'll let you know when to use it, but what it does is mess up the camera recordings. You give it a ghost command in the dialog box."

"Ghost command?" I ask her, puzzled. I've never heard of a ghost command.

Natalie grins. "It's like a ghost. It doesn't record the computer that gave the command. It goes back 8 hours and randomly messes up the recordings on different cameras in the faction you are at and also random cameras at two other factions. Then for the next two hours, anytime you type a 'g' and just a 'g,' you will create a recording glitch at what you are looking at for the next two minutes." Her green eyes twinkle at me. "Perfect for those times you see me do things I shouldn't do, like slip through the Amity fence."

I laugh.

"If you just see me in the wrong place dressed like that faction, don't use it, but…"

"If you're doing something you really shouldn't be, like going through the Amity fence, or wearing a wrong faction color like blue in Amity?"

"You've got it. That's when you should use it."

I nod.

She picks up the piece of glass next. She touches it and hands it to me. It glows with a strange light.

I gingerly take it. "What is it?"

Natalie watches me carefully. "A computer. We call it a tablet."

I look at it, and then at her. "It's way too small."

Natalie smiles at me. Her eyes twinkle. "We haven't given you all the technology we have."

"How does it work?" I hear the awe in my own voice.

Natalie takes it back and swipes her finger across the screen. "We'll start with the basics. This is how we will communicate. Flip this switch." She shows me a switch on the side. "Then touch this," she touches a picture of an envelope on the screen, "and it will bring up any messages I have for you."

The screen shows a message. It is one word. "Hi."

Our eyes meet. "Never leave it on this setting more than five minutes. If you need more time than that," she flips the switch back over, "you can read it like this. It just won't update any new messages."

I nod.

Natalie's eyes are more serious than I've ever seen them. "You can't leave it on more than five minutes. If you do, they can start tracing us. That could be deadly, to both of us."

I nod again.

"Check this every day. I won't send you something every day, but check it every day in case I need you. I will send you a message every Monday. If you ever go three Mondays in a row without hearing from me, use this code." She hands me the folded piece of paper. "This will send everything on both your tablet and mine to the people outside the fence; then it will wipe the memory of the computers. Destroy yours after you do that. After you do that, destroy everything else I've given you."

"How would you contact me then?"

"Hana, if that ever happens, I'm dead or I've been removed. Destroy everything."

"Okay, just don't do that to me."

Natalie smiles. "I don't plan to. Let me show you a couple of other things on the tablet."

* * *

By the time I head back to the apartment, it's after one AM, so I don't see too many people. When I walk through the Chasm, I see a few couples making out by the railing. I try not to look, but one of the couples catches my attention. He's tall and broad shouldered and almost hides her completely, but I can see her hair. It's bright and colorful, like the sunset: Jude. Which means the man should be Eli. I feel a small knot in my stomach as soon as I realize that. I quickly look away and walk a little faster out of the area.

I can't get to the apartment fast enough. I really don't want to be caught in the Pit by Jude.


	19. Chapter 19- Tori and Tattoos

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Bekah, Angie, and Abilyn: three of Hana's roommates**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: (mentioned) Eli's girlfriend**

**Carly: (mentioned) Hana's co worker **

**Tyson: Hana's "failed" date in Dauntless**

**Jazz: One of Hana's initiation instructors**

**Rais: Jazz's husband**

**Thank you to everyone who has stopped to leave a review. I appreciate you taking the time to do it.**

**And of course, thank you to Bahrfamily for her time in Betaing each chapter. This one was fun!**

**19 Tori and Tattoos**

"It's about time you got home!" Leeann greets me excitedly at the door. What is she doing still up?

Looking around the room, I realize that every light in the apartment is on. The common area is full of people. I think everyone from our initiation class is here, plus everyone I know from Nick and Eli's initiation class and even a few people I don't know.

"What's going on?"

"We're celebrating!" Leeann hands me a brown bottle like the one she holds.

"What are we celebrating?"

"TORI!" Leeann yells her name and everyone echoes it back and takes a drink.

"Why are we celebrating Tori?" I ask, puzzled.

"TORI!" Leeann yells her name so everyone can hear.

The whole room appears to take another drink.

"She got the job!" Leeann answers.

"With Bud?" I feel like I'm getting nowhere fast.

"Yes, doing TATTOOS!" Leeann responds loudly.

"TATTOOS!" Everyone echoes back, and, I notice again, everyone takes a drink.

"Take a drink." Leeann clinks her bottle against mine. "Every time someone says 'Tori' or 'tattoo,' you have to take a drink."

I hold the bottle up to my lips and tip it up. It smells awful and tastes worse. I have a feeling I know what this is. In Abnegation, we were raised believing that alcohol was selfish, so no one drank it. I've seen plenty of people drink it here, and what I've noticed is, the more they drink, the less control they have.

I can't afford to lose control, not with everything Natalie has entrusted to me.

I feel the backpack on my back. I have to get to our sleeping area and get it off before Leeann or anyone else notices it. I have to make sure I hide everything that Natalie gave me tonight before anyone asks me about it.

"Where is she?" I try to avoid saying Tori's name.

Leeann looks around. "I'm not sure, why?"

"I need to congratulate her."

Leeann nods. "She's here somewhere."

I walk away, pretending to look for her. I spy Eli leaning on the wall between the common area and the room I share with Leeann. How did he get here so quickly? He and Jude were in the Chasm when I walked through there. Leeann and I didn't talk that long, did we? I wonder absently what happened to Jude. She never seems to be far from him.

I decide to start looking for Tori in the sleeping area I use. Since the party is for Tori, and she sleeps in the other room, I can't imagine that she will be there, but I'm not really looking for her, not yet at least. I see Bekah and Angie talking to Nick, so the room should be empty.

When I'm almost to the room, Eli pushes himself off the wall and stands so he blocks my way to the door. "What took you so long to get here?" he asks, his voice accusing.

I'm so startled by him asking me, that all I can do is stare at him.

"Where have you been?"

"What?" I'm sure there is a touch of disbelief that he is asking me this in my voice.

"I told you, I keep track of Leeann's friends." He shrugs like it is no big deal.

I shake my head at him. "Not that it is any of your business, but I had cake with Carly after work, and then I knew I was too keyed up to sleep so I went for a walk to help me calm down." I force myself to laugh. "If I'd have known I was coming home to a party, I wouldn't have bothered. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put my bag away." I stare at him, hoping he doesn't know I didn't have this bag before I left, or ask me what's in it.

He looks at me like he's trying to decide if he believes me or not, then slowly moves back to his spot on the wall. Good thing he was never a Candor.

I shut the door behind me and lean against it. A sigh escapes from my lips. That felt like a close call. I knew I might have to worry about my roommates keeping tabs on me, but Eli too? Fortunately, the room is empty. I quickly kneel next to my chest of drawers. My back is to the door, hoping that I will block the view if someone happens to come in. I pull the sweats out of the bottom drawer, and then pull out the computer Natalie gave me from the bag. I put it in the bottom of the drawer, along with the master key, maps, serums, codes, camera/recorder pen, and drive that she gave me. Last, I take the false bottom she gave me out of the "magic bag". It slips over everything, concealing it just like she said it would. I hear people close to the door, so I shove my sweats and my new bag into the drawer.

Just as I close the drawer, Tyson and some girl I don't know walk in.

"Sorry!" The girl giggles loudly. "Didn't realize anyone was here." She closes the door, and I sag against the chest of drawers.

That was close. I open the drawer back up and straighten everything out. If one of the other girls opens the drawer, I need to make sure it looks as tidy as ever. Having them poke around in that drawer would be bad, very bad.

When I leave the room, Eli is still standing in his place.

"How did you beat me here?" I decided while I was hiding everything that if he could be that blunt and accusing towards me, I could do the same to him.

Eli looks puzzled. "I was here with Bud when he offered TORI the job." He yells her name so everyone will echo him and take a drink. "I let a few people know about the party, but other than that, I've been here the whole time." He's so busy taking a drink that I'm pretty sure he misses the fact I didn't.

"No, you weren't. I saw you in the chasm when I walked through there."

He shakes his head emphatically. "I've been here for hours. I haven't been in the Chasm. I came here with Bud to tell TORI!" He yells her name again and everyone echoes it back. He takes a drink and watches me this time, to make sure I do the same. This stuff is awful. I have to figure out how to get rid of this bottle so I can quit this game. He eyes me for a moment, and then asks suspiciously, "Why did you ask that?"

I shrug, suddenly not sure now whether it was a good idea to ask him that. "I thought I saw you and Jude in the Chasm when I walked through there."

He mutters something under his breath and drains the rest of the bottle.

That bottle was almost full.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

Eli gives a snort. "Just great." He holds up the empty bottle like he's hoping to see more in it. "She's trying to make me jealous again. It's not going to work this time." He pushes off the wall and walks away.

* * *

Jazz stops me from putting the brown bottle down after the fifth time in as many minutes someone has said "Tori" or "tattoo." She shakes her head. "Hold it." Her voice is low. "If you don't have one, they'll just get you another one. If you hold it, you have something to pretend to drink."

"TORI!" The voice that shouts it sounds almost like Bekah.

"TORI!" The room echoes back.

Jazz smiles at me and holds out her bottle to mine. I hold mine out and she clinks the glass together. She then brings her bottle back down to where she is holding it. "Doctor told me not to drink while I'm pregnant. I've mastered this technique in the last seven months."

I smile back. "I think it could be a good technique to have."

"Another good one I've discovered is to not hold a full bottle." She smiles and nudges Rais who is standing next to her but facing away, involved in another conversation. Their hands meet down by their sides and he stealthily takes her nearly full bottle and trades it out with his half empty one. "Find a sink or a plant and pour some in it. If you have to drink, press your lips together."

I nod appreciatively. "Thanks for the tips!"

* * *

"There's the Stiff." Eli joins Jazz, Leeann, Nick, Abilyn, and I. His walk and his voice both waiver. I find myself wondering how much he's had to drink.

"Stiff?" Jazz questions him.

"Yeah," Eli pokes my arm. Without meaning to, I tense up. "Every time you touch her, she stiffens up."

Leeann swats his hand away. "Be nice." She puts her arm around me, and then wrinkles her brow. "You're right. I never noticed that before."

"How did _you_ notice, Eli?" Abilyn's voice has an odd tone to it when she questions Eli.

My heart stops. There's been two times that he's touched me. If he tells them about zip-lining, I'm okay with that, but if he mentions when he touched my stomach when he gave me pointers on fighting, I think I'll die.

"Zip-lining." I remember how to breathe again when he says that. "I buckled her in just like I did all of you." He points to each of them with the hand that holds the nearly empty bottle. "Well, except you, and you," he points to Jazz and then Nick, "but I've buckled both of you in before."

* * *

Eli is passed out on the couch by the time everyone has left. "Can you get him home?" Leeann asks Nick worriedly. "Or do we need to just leave him here?"

Nick looks him over. "If someone can get the doors for me, I can get him home."

The part of me trained to be an Abnegation speaks up before I can stop myself. "I'll get the doors."

Nick nods. "Hey, Eli," Nick leans over the couch, "we need to go."

Eli mutters something.

Nick pulls Eli's arm over his shoulder and tries to hoist him up. "Come on, Eli, give me a little help here."

Eli stumbles to his feet.

I open the door and follow Nick down the hallway.

"He doesn't usually drink this much," Nick defends his cousin as we walk side by side. "I wonder what happened."

I take a deep breath. Guess I ought to tell him what I know. "It's my fault."

One of Nick's eyebrows shoots up. "How is this your fault?"

"I mentioned that I thought I saw him and Jude in the Chasm on the way to the apartment."

Now it's Nick's turn to mutter something under his breath. "Jude was supposed to be on patrol tonight, and he was at Leeann's."

"I know that, now. If I had realized that before, I wouldn't have mentioned it to him."

"It's not your fault," Nick is quick to reassure me. "She _wanted_ him to see her there. It's probably best that he heard it from you, rather than see it himself. Last time she pulled this, the other guy ended up in the infirmary."

I shake my head. "I'll never understand Dauntless dating."

Nick gives a small laugh. "It's not Dauntless. It's Jude." We walk in silence. "Every time she wants more from Eli, she pulls this stunt. He gets jealous, she gets her way." He pulls Eli up further around his shoulders. "She may have gone too far this time. I don't think he has too much left that he's willing to give her."

It's a strange comment to me. Being raised in Abnegation, there is always something more you can give someone.

"He needs to quit straddling the fence." I can't tell if Nick is talking to me or to himself. "Either he needs to admit he's more like Leeann and get serious, or he needs to take a page from my book and just leave dating alone."

It's such an odd statement. Leave dating alone? What does Nick mean by that?

"Why would you leave dating alone?" I surprise myself by asking Nick what I'm thinking. "I'm sure plenty of girls must be interested in you."

Nick sighs. "I know, and it's not that I couldn't find myself interested in a few of them. It's just…" For a moment he's quiet. "If you know you're not going to get serious, why bother?"

I want to ask him why he knows he's not going to get serious, but I really don't think it's my place to ask him that, so for once, I keep my mouth shut.

"This one is ours." Nick announces.

I open the door for them. Nick helps Eli in. He dumps him on the couch. "I have something of Leeann's. I keep forgetting to give it back to her. Do you mind taking it back to Leeann?"

I shake my head.

"I'll go get it." He leaves the room.

The Abnegation in me needs something to do, so I kneel down and pull Eli's shoes off his feet. I lift his legs up and deposit them on the couch. When I look up, his brown eyes are open and locked on me. "We're all broken, Hana." His words are slurred, but I think I can still make them out correctly. "Too broken to be fixed, even by you."


	20. Chapter 20- Glitch

**Thank you to everyone who took the time to review! A couple quick comments on the reviews.**

**Jackie- You might be a little optimistic on the Eli front... sorry!**

**And for the record because I can see other people having the same question as Milner ("Is Nick gay, asexual?") . Nick is... Nick. I've discovered that he has a mind of his own and when he wants to do something, he does it (even when it surprises me!) and when he doesn't want to tell something...I have to wait until he does! (And this isn't where he wanted to explain.)**

**Bahrfamily has the best response to this. "Neither. See Eli's comment at the end of the last chapter: they're all damaged. More to be revealed..." :-) **

**She and I DO know exactly what the damage is. Sorry, but the rest of you will have to wait to find out.**

**Sultana and Miles: two of the control room supervisors**

**Eli: Leeann's (Hana's best friend) cousin**

**Sue and Connor: co-workers in the control room (Connor is introduced in this chapter)**

**Carly: Hana's mentor and friend in the control room.**

**Jude (mentioned): Eli's girlfriend**

**And of course a heartfelt thanks to Bahrfamily for keeping me on course, and catching my errors.**

**20 Glitch**

"_Did you make it back okay?" _Natalie's message reads on my computer the next day.

"_Sort of. It could have been a close call. They were having a party for Tori when I got back. She got a job in the tattoo parlor," _is my response.

"_Stay friends with her. NO ONE knows more about what is going on in Dauntless than Bud. Won't be long before the same can be said of Tori."_

"_OK"_

Two days for such a short conversation. It's almost silly, but when you aren't communicating in person, I guess that's the way it goes.

* * *

"_Happy Monday. Seen me lately?" _Natalie's message starts.

"_Erudite dorms Friday. Abnegation Saturday."_

"_You're slipping," _is her response on Tuesday.

"_What did I miss?" _I ask back on Tuesday.

On Wednesday I find her answer._ "Candor last Thursday" _

"_I had Amity Thursday," _is my Wednesday response.

"_I guess that's ok," s_he responds back on Thursday.

Still nothing is going on. Does she really need me?

* * *

It's the next Monday before anything really happens. _"Tuesday you'll have Amity. Bring the drive. You know what to do."_

Finally after three weeks of nothing, there is something going on.

* * *

The first time I'm alone in the apartment on Tuesday, I head to the sleeping area. I lift the false bottom enough to reach in and find the drive. I look at the small drive in my hand in disbelief. I'm really doing this. I'm really going to help Natalie. For a moment, I wonder what will happen if I get caught using this? How dangerous is it, really, to help her?

I turn the drive over and over in my hand.

I guess it really doesn't matter. I believe Natalie. I'm helping her.

* * *

I settle into my seat and adjust my screen. Ever since Natalie gave me the drive, this has become my routine. I figure if I mess with the screen and computer every time I sit down for a new shift, people will be less likely to notice what I'm doing than if I only do it when Natalie tells me to use the drive.

I slip the drive in and sit down. It takes everything I have to not look around and see if anyone is paying attention to me. I set everything up, and then head over to Sultana. Natalie said I'd have Amity. Time to see if she is right or not.

"I'm ready," I inform her. "What faction this afternoon?"

Sultana checks the clipboard that hangs by her computer. "Amity," she answers simply.

I nod and head back to my computer. Another proof Natalie knows what is going on.

I enter my code for Amity and start watching. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to start the glitches at the fence. So when the cameras near the fence are showing, I pay even closer attention. I double check every blonde girl and every person within three feet of the fence. For the first three hours, I see nothing unusual. I'm beginning to wonder if I misunderstood her, when suddenly, there she is. On the OTHER side of the fence. Did I miss her leaving?

I'm so busy wondering that I almost forget to put in the glitch command. I see nothing unusual on my side, but Natalie told me I wouldn't, so I don't panic. Everything will look good. From the control room, no one will be able to tell that I did anything.

It's only if one of the affected recordings is pulled that anyone will start to wonder. My best hope is that no one will stop and pull the tapes.

I keep a close watch on the cameras as the rotation reaches that area. I'm pretty sure she's had enough time to cross the fence, but I watch just in case.

No one shows on the cameras in that area. When those cameras pass, I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Natalie is headed back where she belongs.

* * *

Thursday and Friday I take the "glitch drive," as I've started thinking of it. Both days Natalie has me in Erudite. Each day I see her there around Norton's laboratories. I wonder what is going on there?

* * *

Monday when I get to work, my computer is occupied. I march over there to demand that they leave my computer when I realize there is a really good chance I know who that broad back belongs to. I take a peek and realize I'm right.

"Stealing my computer, Eli?" I do my best to look outraged at Eli. Outside of meals, it's the first time I've seen him since Tori's party. I'm not quite sure how to react to him after everything that happened between us during that party. He checked up on me, and brought it to everyone's attention that I stiffen up when people touch me.

Of course, I also told him I saw Jude kissing someone else and helped Nick get him home when he was drunk. I'm not sure how much of any of this he remembers.

He grins at me. "You caught me." He turns back to the computer and taps in a few more commands.

"My shift is getting ready to start, Eli. I kind of need my computer."

He shakes his head. "You'll need to use someone else's. Your computer has had some recording glitches this week. They discovered it this morning."

My heart stops for a second. I figured they'd stumble across it sometime, but I didn't expect it to be so soon.

"It's not just yours," he continues without looking at me. "There have been a couple of other computers that have had an issue too. They're all shut down while I figure this out." He stares at the code he brought up on the screen. "You'll need to talk to Sultana and find out where she wants you today."

"Okay. Good luck," I wish him, not really meaning it. I sneak a peek at my hands to see if they are trembling as I walk over to Sultana's desk. It amazes me that they aren't.

"Eli's working on my computer. What computer do you want me at, and what faction do I have today?"

She checks the clipboard by her computer. "Take Dan's computer, at least for now. Eli should have this figured out pretty quickly. You have Abnegation today."

"Okay." I'm surprised my voice doesn't tremble. _Eli should have it figured out pretty quickly is __**not**__ what I want to hear._

Half-way through my shift, I almost feel sorry for Eli. He's been hunched over my computer for at least the four hours that I know of. He checks out idea after idea, but he can't figure out what's going on.

"It doesn't make any sense," he mumbles to himself.

I only hear him because I'm wearing my head phones like Carly does, one on and one off. "What doesn't?" I respond without thinking.

Eli looks up at me, surprised.

"Sorry." I give an Abnegation smile.

He chuckles. "I'm the one who got caught talking to myself. I'm the one who should be apologizing." He looks at me for a second, then clears his throat and continues. "I just can't figure this out. I can't find any reason in your computer for there to be any recording glitches."

I am _**so **_glad the glitch drive is in my drawer back in the apartment tonight.

He types in a new command, then glances at me, catching me still looking at him. "I can't figure out why those recordings have the strange glitches in them. I've never seen anything like it before." He looks at the new read-out on my screen and hits the desk. "Sultana!" He raises his voice to speak to her. "It's not here! Whatever is causing the problem isn't at Hana's desk. She may have more issues than the other two computers, but I can't find anything wrong on hers. I'll check Sue's next." He stands and stretches.

I try hard not to sigh with relief and sag in my chair as he walks away.

* * *

By the time I leave, Eli has checked Sue's computer and Conner's computer. He's logging off of Conner's as I log off of mine.

"I give up!" he tells Sultana and Miles. They are both there, trading off supervisor duties. "I've been here about twelve hours and there is nothing I can find wrong with any of the affected computers!"

"Eli's giving up?" Sultana's voice holds laughter. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"I'm not giving up," Eli back peddles on his statement. "I'm taking a break. After twelve hours, I'm beginning to think it's not a software issue." He stifles a yawn. "That, and I'm about to fall asleep looking at code."

"See you when you wake up." Miles waves at Eli.

Eli shakes his head. "I'm going to check the cameras themselves next. Maybe there's an issue there."

"Carly!" I call out to her as she gets ready to leave. "Are we still having cake tonight?"

Carly shakes her head no. "Sorry, Micah, isn't feeling well," she laughs. "And a sick husband and healthy toddler don't mix."

"Hope he feels better soon."

"Thanks." Carly leaves.

I grab my bag and get ready to head out myself. "Bye!" I wave to Sultana and Miles.

"Wait!" I hear Eli call out to me.

I stop in my tracks. What can he want?

"I heard Carly couldn't make cake. How about if you and I grab some instead?"

I bite my lip. Jude wouldn't like that. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Eli looks genuinely confused. Guess he hasn't noticed how much his girlfriend hates me.

"Jude." I answer in one word.

Eli shakes his head. "I don't let Jude decide who I do and don't hang out with." He pauses for a second, and then mutters quietly. "Especially not after the stunt she pulled last month."

"Yeah, well, she _hates_ me, and I really don't want to make it worse."

"Look, Jude had to leave for her shift," he checks his watch, "thirty minutes ago. She won't know."

I play with the end of my braid while I think about that.

"I think I need to talk to you," Eli adds.

"Why?" I ask, puzzled. I can't come up with any reason he why would think that.

Eli takes a deep breath, plays with his lip ring while he holds it, and then lets it back out. "I have a feeling I owe you an apology from Tori's party."

I shake my head. "You don't owe me anything."

"That's nice of you. I don't remember a lot about that night, but from what little I remember and what Leeann has filled me in on, I have to disagree." He touches my arm to lead me away. On cue, I tense up. Eli looks at me and there's a flash of memory behind his eyes.

I try to cover letting my bag fall of my shoulder and grabbing it again. I carry it just about everywhere these days. It's another thing that I hope, by doing it day in and day out, that if I need it with Natalie, no one will notice it.

"Let's go," His voice is off somehow.

* * *

"So…" Eli forks off a large bite of cake then proceeds to make it smaller as he talks to me. "I have a feeling from something Leeann said, that I may have said something I shouldn't have about you."

I shake my head.

"Yes, and your reaction when I touched your arm tells me she's right."

I give a small laugh. "Eli, you've called me 'Stiff' before, during zip-lining," I remind him. "It's okay."

"I appreciate that, but I shouldn't have brought it to everyone's attention like that."

"It's okay," I repeat myself, and then take a fairly large bite of cake. I hate to rush eating it, but even with Jude on patrol right now, I don't feel safe from her. What if one of her friends tells her I had cake with Eli?

"I think there's more than that." He plays with the ring in his lip. I notice most of Eli's cake is in small crumbs. I don't think I've seen him actually take a bite yet. His fork just keeps playing with it, making it smaller and smaller as we talk.

"I don't know of anything else," I tell him honestly. Then I remember the confrontation about where I was that night. "Unless it's the fact you were checking up on me." I take another bite of cake. I think I only have two or three bites left. I cover my mouth as I pretend to yawn. I want to be able to claim exhaustion, if I need to, when I'm through eating, so I can get out of here.

Eli shakes his head and smiles. "No, _that_ you're just going to have to get used to." He mashes his fork into the cake. It's the only way he'll manage to get it to his mouth at this point. "Ask Angie or Kelly."

I groan internally. I don't need him checking up on me when I'm working with Natalie. "I'm actually the one who owes you an apology."

"Why?" he asks.

I stare at the last bite of my cake like the answer is there.

"Hana." I look up at him when he says my name. "Why would you think you owe me an apology? I'm the one who was drunk."

"That's my fault." I sigh and hold his gaze. "I'm the one who told you about Jude."

Eli leans back in his chair and slowly crosses his arms over his chest. "Let's get one thing straight here." His voice is low. "That is _not_ your fault. That was my fault for the way I reacted, and maybe Jude's fault for wanting to get a reaction out of me. Your accidently, if I remember right, telling me you saw Jude with someone else doesn't make my behavior your fault."

I swallow.

"Hana, tell me you understand that."

I'm quiet for a minute. I don't want to lie to him, but I was raised to use guilt as a tool to do better the next time. "I understand what you're saying."

Eli's look at me is unnerving. I feel like he is trying to see through me. "But you were raised Abnegation, and you aren't sure you can let it go at that."

I want to deny it, but I can't, so I finally nod.

"Hana," he sighs, "it's more complicated than it should be. Jude and I are more complicated than we should be." He plays with his lip ring again. "You weren't even in Dauntless when I started dating her, so none of this is your fault. Trust me."

I eat my last bite of cake and get ready to stand up.

"Hana, I've got one more question for you about that night."

"What?"

"No one else will tell me the full answer. Something tells me that if I ask you, you'll tell me the truth."

I raise my eyebrows at him.

"How did I get home?"

"Nick," I answer simply. All I did was open doors. There's no way I'm volunteering that information.

"No, it was more than Nick. I vaguely remember hearing him talking to someone. I woke up on the couch with my shoes off. Nick just leaves me like I was. Someone else was with him. Do you know who?"

I stand up and grab my bag. I look over at him and nod my head. "I went with him to get the doors. He had something for Leeann so I took off your shoes while I waited for him." I put the bag on my shoulder.

Eli nods. "Thank you."

I turn away to leave. I almost miss the next thing he says; in fact, I'm not sure I didn't imagine it. "You and Nick."


	21. Chapter 21- New Strategy

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**Abilyn: (mentioned) Roommate of Hana's**

**Angie: (Mentioned) Roommate of Hana's (workes in the Dauntless Kitchen)**

**Rob: (Mentioned) Member of Hana's initiation class and Angie's boyfriend**

**Jazz: (Mentioned) One of Hana's initiation instructors.**

**Rais: Jazz's husband**

**Tyson: (Mentioned) Member of Hana's initation class. Leeann tried to set them up. The date was a disaster.**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Sultana: Control Room supervisor**

**Carly: Hana's friend and co-worker in the control room.**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Bekah: Roommate of Hana's (Nurse)**

**Thank you (of course) to Bahrfamily for all her work on this chapter, especially for coming up with the name when I was stuck!**

**Chapter 21 New Strategy**

Everyone looks to be asleep when I get home, so I grab the tablet, shove it in my bag along with my pajamas, and head to the bathroom. I check to see if I have any messages from Natalie. There aren't any, which is a bit of a relief.

I quickly tap out a message to her. _"They've already discovered the glitches. Eli was working on figuring it out tonight. So far he's stumped." _

I listen to decide if I hear anyone stirring, but the apartment sounds empty. I stuff the tablet back in the bag, change into my pajamas, and head back to the bedroom. All I need to do is get the tablet back in the drawer and get in bed without anyone waking up.

Piece of cake.

I hope.

* * *

I'm a little worried as we head off to breakfast. Surely Eli is smart enough, after I told him that Jude hates me, that he won't mention anything about having cake with me after work yesterday. I'm hoping he doesn't even mention working on my computer.

I grab my tray and go through the breakfast line. It never has made sense to me that we have to go through a line for breakfast, when they put lunch and dinner on the tables for us to pass around. My only guess is that breakfast seems to be a smaller crowd, but it goes on longer, whereas people seem to arrive for lunch and dinner more or less at the same time. That, along with the fact that I could see a fist fight breaking out at breakfast if someone grabbed the last chocolate muffin from the table.

Eli and Jude are already seated at the table. As usual, I try to pick my seat as far away from Jude as I can. Unfortunately, today we seem to be a smaller group. Abilyn and Tori are sitting with some friends from Factionless Patrol this morning. Angie is making breakfast this morning, so Rob will sit somewhere else. Rais and Jazz are just missing. I have no idea where they are. So, I'm not nearly as far away from Jude as I would like to be.

Jude must have just gotten in from patrol. Her blue eyes blink often, and sometimes have problems staying open. She rests her head on Eli's shoulder as she picks at her muffin, delivering bites to her mouth.

"So," Leeann sets her tray down and starts a conversation with her cousin. "Where _were_ you last night? We were supposed to have a family dinner. Your mom isn't too happy with you."

Eli groans. "I know. I've already seen her to apologize. I pulled a 16 hour shift yesterday."

Jude lifts her head. "What was so important that you had to work that long?"

"I was half way through my day when I was given what I _thought_ it was a software problem." He looks at her, not at me. He yawns. "Might a hardware problem. I never did solve it yesterday. I've got to look further into it today."

Jude puts her head back down on his shoulder.

He looks down and sees her eyes closed. He looks over at me and winks. I smile back.

* * *

It works out that after breakfast, everyone from my room is at work except me. Perfect. I check the tablet, not expecting to hear from Natalie so soon, but after what happened last night, I can't keep myself from checking.

To my surprise she has already responded.

"_Eli's working on it?! Meet me at the chasm after work. I'll find you. Let me know if you get this." _

Meet her at the Chasm? It seems like an odd request to meet her at the Chasm, but I can do it easily enough.

"_See you at the Chasm."_ I respond.

* * *

I look around the control room. Eli is nowhere to be seen. I sigh with relief. I hope that means he's given up on the glitches, at least from a software end.

I walk up to a flustered looking Sultana. "Can I use my computer tonight?"

Sultana looks up at me puzzled. "Why wouldn't you?"

"Eli was working on my computer last night."

"Oh, oh, yes, that's right. Well," she looks around her computer, picking things up and putting them back down like she's searching for something. "Yes, you can."

"Who do I have today?"

Sultana uncharacteristically fumbles around. "Where is that sheet?" She looks frantically around her desk. "I know I printed it off when I got here." She moves her keyboard, but it's not under there. She looks everywhere except where she normally keeps it. If Sultana is one thing, she's a creature of habit. Every shift she keeps her duty roster on the clipboard that hangs by her computer. I'm about to mention this to her when she suddenly seems to remember that. She consults the clipboard. "Candor."

I nod and head back to my computer. I mess with the screen just like normal. It's nice to have my own computer back. I didn't realize that I was so attached to my spot, one computer away from the wall, until they took it away from me for a night.

* * *

We're about halfway through the shift when a man with dark hair and a receding hairline pops his head in. "Sultana!" His voice is loud in the room.

Her head pops up. "How is she?"

"She's fine, but it's almost time."

Sultana jumps up from her seat like our Faction History teacher did the time someone put a rubber snake in her drawer. Her eyes even dart around the room like the teacher's did, although the teacher was trying to figure out who did it. I'm not sure what or who Sultana is looking for.

"Carly!"

Carly pulls the headphones completely off her head. "Yes?"

"You're in charge. I've got to go." She grabs a bag from behind the counter. "I'm about to become a grandma!"

With that, Sultana hurries out of the room.

* * *

The Chasm is still pretty full when I get out of work. A couple weeks from now, when I go to the overnight shift it will be fairly empty, but right now it's prime dating hours and there are a lot of couples around. I try not to look at the couples by the Chasm. I don't know how you can stand there in front of everyone kissing. The problem is, I don't see any sign of Natalie so I don't know how long I'm going to be here. My eyes scan the room. I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to look at.

I suddenly know exactly where I _don't_ want to look. Near the spot where Tyson tried to kiss me, I see Eli and Jude. My stomach flips uncomfortably. That isn't something I wanted to see.

I look back towards the Pit. Natalie better show up soon, or I'm going to have to leave. Jude seeing me hang out here would probably not be a good thing. I wonder if I went over to the tattoo parlor and hung out with Tori, if Natalie would find me there, but I guess that's not a good idea. Tori won't know her, but I don't know if Bud does or not.

"Hana!" A bright voice calls my name. I look over and smile. Natalie is dressed in black. Her blonde hair is pulled into a braid. It looks like one section of the hair is green. I wonder how she did that.

I follow her away from the Chasm to the other side of the Pit. She leads me to the doors that I first walked through as Dauntless, so I assume she's taking me to the net, but it turns out there is another door. She pulls a key out of her pocket. "The key I gave you earlier will work here," she assures me.

The door closes behind us. There are no lights, so it is darker than night in here. Natalie flips on two flashlights that shine blue and hands one to me. "Here, I didn't think to give you this before." She leads me down a corridor. Our flashlights are the only illumination.

When we get to a flight of stairs, she points hers down. "The steps are a little steep, so be careful." We slowly navigate the stairs, stopping at the door at the bottom of them. "This next part is the trickiest. Most people don't notice this, but we are going to be visible for a short period of time."

She opens the door and we are in the Chasm. "Wow!" I exclaim involuntarily.

Natalie smiles. "I know. Impressive, isn't it?"

I nod absently. Impressive doesn't even begin to describe it. I look up and see the people in the Pit. They are just small black forms from down here. Even knowing that Jude and Eli are up there and one of the black forms by the railing, there is no way I would ever be able to pick them out. I realize I have never stood at the railing and looked straight down before. I'll have to do that the next time I get a chance.

There is a path worn into the rock that would carry us up and across the wall, but that isn't the direction Natalie leads me. She leads me over the rocks, where there is no path. "Be careful. If you slip…" I look at the short space of calm water that leads to rocks that the water bounces off of. You wouldn't have long to get out of the water if you fell in here.

I watch where she puts her feet and try to place mine in the same place. There is a crevice between two rocks. It is just wide enough for each of us to fit through sideways. "It's not long," Natalie assures me as she slips in.

I take a deep breath and then follow her in. She's right; I'm in a large room almost as soon as I am in the crevice.

"Here's another place we can meet," Natalie informs me.

I nod. Unless someone sees me crossing the Chasm, I can't imagine anyone finding this place.

"So, they have Eli working on the glitches?"

I nod again.

Natalie pinches the bridge of her nose. "I didn't need to hear that."

"I shouldn't have told you?" I'm confused.

"No! You needed to tell me, I just never dreamed they'd find it so fast, or put Eli on it from the beginning."

I'm sure I look as confused as I feel.

"Eli's about the best in Tech Support when it comes to trouble shooting. If they have Eli on it, they're pretty serious."

"So what do we do now?"

Natalie sighs. "Now, we lay off the recording glitches for a while. It's going to mean more work and the two of us having to meet more often, which will be more dangerous, but I don't think we have another choice right now. Here," Natalie hands me anther drive. "You'll have Erudite tomorrow. Plug this in at nine PM. Leave it in until you are ready to leave. It's just going to show a blank loop from the time you put it in until you pull it out. It will cover my movements."

I nod and put the drive in my pocket.

"We'll have to meet every time I need to go somewhere for now. If I know I'll be somewhere ahead of time, I may be able to give you a couple at a time, but I wouldn't count on that. The drives each have a letter on them, A for Abnegation, C for Candor, D for Dauntless, E for Erudite, M for Amity. They also have a number on them. Keep them in case we can reuse one. I'll refer to them by letter and number."

"Sounds good."

"Normally, I'll meet you somewhere here at Dauntless. I can do Dauntless disguises easier than you can do Abnegation."

I want to laugh. Of course Natalie can do a better Dauntless disguise than I can do Abnegation. Put some color in her hair and she'll look at least a little different. There is nothing I could do with Abnegation clothes that would make me look different than the day before my Choosing Ceremony!

"Think you can find your way back?"

"Yes. But do I need the key on this side of the door? I didn't bring mine."

"No," Natalie smiles at me. "They only lock the door at the top to keep anyone from finding their way down here. They figure maintenance staff are the only people who can get down here, and they want them to be able to find their way back up."

"I'll be fine, then."

"Great. I'll see you later, then." Natalie turns and heads to a door further into the room. She puts her key in and unlocks the door. "You don't have a key for this door." She opens it and starts to slip through it. "No one in Dauntless does." She closes the door behind herself.

* * *

Rais shows up the next morning, beaming. "It's official!" he tells us. "I'm a dad!"

"Congratulations!" Nick is the first to speak up. "How's Jazz?"

"She's great. Tired, but great."

"Must have been a busy night," I remark.

"Not particularly," Bekah pipes up. "Why do you say that?"

"Sultana left work early because she was about to become a grandma."

All the Dauntless-born look at me for a second, then laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Sultana's my mother," Rais answers kindly.

"Oh!" I feel a little embarrassed now. "I didn't know that."

"How were you supposed to know?" Eli speaks up. "You transferred."

Jude looks from him to me. Great. Just what I needed.

Eli suddenly seems to remember what I had said about Jude hating me, and he quickly changes the focus of the conversation back to Rais. "So, what's his name?"

**I'm awful aren't I? Here's the deal: most of the babies born in "Dauntless Gray" end up being named characters in one of the Divergent books. It could be from any of them: Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant, or even The Four Collection. So leave me a review and let me know who you think Jazz and Rais are the parents of. The answer will be in the next chapter.**


	22. Chapter 22- Plotting

**Chapter 22 Plotting**

**Jazz: Hana's trainer, Rais wife and ?'s mother**

**Rais: Jazz's husband and ?'s father.**

**Jillian: (mentioned) Hana's niece in Abnegation**

**Sultana and Miles: Control room supervisors**

**Sue: Control room co-worker**

**Leeann and Angie: Hana's friends and roommates**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Aunt Taylor: (mentioned) Eli's mom, Leeann and Nick's aunt**

**Thank you, thank you, to Bahrfamily who's editing and collaboration skills are second to none.**

**In case you forgot, the last chapter left off with Rais announcing that Jazz and he were parents. Eli had just asked Rais what the baby's name is when the evil author (Played by Savanah Rose) ended the chapter and asked you who you thought this new baby would grow up to be… We did actually have someone get it right! Great job… Windchimed! (There is an author's note at the end about this.)**

Every head turns to Rais, who smiles at Eli's question.

"We finally agreed on Amar."

"Amar," Leeann repeats the name. "I like it."

"Well, I'm glad it meets your approval." Rais sounds like he's holding in laughter as he says that.

"When can we go see them?" Leeann asks, ignoring the fact that he seems to be making fun of her.

"Jazz is sleeping right now. She's pretty worn out." He looks at his watch. "I'd say, give her at least three hours to sleep, and even then don't everyone come at once, and don't stay too long. She's pretty worn out. Oh! And if she's sleeping, don't wake her up. "

* * *

I leave for work about half an hour early. I'm not sure if I should really go and see Jazz; after all, she was my instructor and not really my friend, but we do eat meals together, and I don't want to seem like I don't care. The main reason I'm going, though, is that I really would like to see Amar.

Bekah is on the overnight shift this week, so it is another nurse who shows me to the room Jazz is in.

Rais smiles when he sees me.

I look at Jazz; her eyes are closed.

"Is she awake?" I whisper.

"Why does everyone ask that when they come in?" There is a touch of agitation in Jazz's voice.

"I'm sure it's just everyone trying to be thoughtful," Rais answers.

Jazz opens her eyes, smiles, and shakes her head. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with my husband telling everyone I need sleep or anything like that, right?"

Rais has the good sense to just shrug as an answer.

Jazz looks at me, like she expects me to tell her. "I don't know about everyone else. I'm just thoughtful," I reply.

Jazz laughs just a little at that. "Although I believe that, I still think he has something to do with it."

"Since Hana is here, how about if I go get you something to eat?" Rais asks.

Jazz sighs. "You could do that even if Hana wasn't here. There is a call button for the nurse if I need something, you know."

Rais leans in and kisses her forehead and then Amar's forehead. "I'll be back soon," he tells his little family.

Jazz notices me studying Amar. "Would you like to hold him?" she asks as soon as Rais clears the room.

"I'd love to," I answer honestly.

Jazz hands the sleeping Amar to me.

I automatically cuddle him close, like I used to do with Jillian. His dark, unfocused eyes open then quickly flutter closed again. I rock him back and forth, humming softly to him. I feel eyes on me; I look up. Jazz is smiling at me. "You've done this before."

I nod. I can feel the start of tears. I try to blink them away, but one escapes and trails down my face. I don't want to move my arm and possibly wake Amar up, so I let it fall. "I have a niece back in Abnegation."

We are both quiet for a moment. When Jazz speaks, it's soft. "It's hard to leave them behind, isn't it?"

I look at her and nod.

"I remember." She takes a deep breath. "It does get easier, I promise."

"You weren't born Dauntless?"

Jazz smiles and gives a small laugh. "No. Amity."

I tip my head and study her. I think of her soft voice and calm ways. "Now that you say that, I can see it."

"I never felt like I completely fit in there." Her voice is soft and wistful. "There are things I still miss, but I'm glad I made the change. After all, if I had never left, I would never have met Rais and had Amar."

I hug Amar close for a moment and press my cheek to his tiny forehead before handing him back to Jazz.

"I'm in the right place," Jazz tells me as she adjusts Amar into a more comfortable position, "and you are, too."

"I think so." I glance at the clock on the wall. "I need to go."

Jazz nods. Amar is the only thing she can look at. "Rais should be back soon, and despite what he thinks, it won't kill me to be alone with my baby for a few minutes." She starts humming a lullaby I've never heard before. I wonder if it is Dauntless or Amity?

* * *

"Your grandson is already a heart breaker," I tell Sultana when I come up to get my assignment for the night.

"Isn't he though?" Sultana beams. "He's just the most perfect baby ever. When did you see him?"

"I stopped in to see Jazz on my way here."

Sultana nods. "She was a real trouper. Her labor lasted almost 24 hours."

"What do I have today?" I already know the answer, Erudite. Natalie has never been wrong when she told me what faction I would have.

"Amity," Sultana answers.

Amity? I barely keep myself from questioning her. Natalie had said I would have Erudite today. I start to walk off.

"Hana!" Sultana calls out to me. "Sorry! I'm a new grandma! I didn't look at it right. You have Erudite tonight."

I smile at her. "It's okay," I assure her. I head back to my computer. All I have to do now is wait until 9 o'clock.

* * *

The night drags on. I check the clock every five minutes. Each time, it feels like it's already been half an hour or more. By 8:30, I'm checking every couple minutes. Natalie told me 9:00, and I certainly don't want to miss that.

At 8:59, I stretch my arms up. When I put them back down I slip my hand into my pocket and take out the drive she gave me yesterday. I stretch my arms again, this time in front of me. I slip the drive into the right slot and settle back in. It's 9:00.

"Hana, are you having problems staying awake?" Sultana asks me.

"No," I answer quickly, "I just needed to stretch a little."

"Okay."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I hope I dodged that bullet. I lean forward and watch the monitor again. I wonder if I can figure out which camera Natalie had me replace.

* * *

The next message from Natalie has me meeting her where the Dauntless hold their fights. The location makes sense to me. There are a lot of people there so it is easy to mix. The time she picked is what doesn't make sense to me. I'm supposed to meet her shortly before lunch. How is she able to get away from her job in the middle of the day? Since I'm on a later shift, it isn't a problem for me, but I wonder what job she ended up with, that she can leave in the middle of the day. Abnegation doesn't have that many jobs that are on shifts.

Today, it's several blue streaks in her hair that are part of her disguise. She simply walks up to me and shakes my hand. I feel her pass a drive into my hand. "Amity, I can't give you a time, but as soon as it is dark." Her voice is a whisper. "They'll ask you to work late. Sue won't be able to make it in."

My eyebrows shoot up as we release hands, but I don't question her.

"When you see the sun starting to come up, you can take out the drive."

I nod.

We both walk off. My fingers are curled around the drive. How does she know Sue is going to be unable to work today?

Miles is the supervisor when I get to the control room that night. "Bad news, Hana."

I look up at him. "What?"

"Sue is sick. We need you to cover her shift."

I nod. "I can do that."

"Good. You'll have Amity first shift and Amity, Erudite and the Pire for your second shift. Sultana is the supervisor for the next shift. One of us will let you know when you pick each of them up."

"Sure thing." I head over to my computer. I'm glad Natalie gave me a warning about the second shift when we met. That nap I took before work is going to come in handy.

* * *

Sue catches me in the line at breakfast. She looks almost as tired as I feel. "Hana, I'm so sorry. I just was so sick there for a while last night."

"It's okay," I assure her. "People do get sick. You didn't do it on purpose."

Sue laughs. "I didn't, but it was the strangest thing. I felt fine and all of a sudden, about an hour before work I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. I was about to go to the infirmary when all of a sudden it stopped." She shudders. "I hope I never pick up that bug again."

I smile. "I'm just glad you are feeling better now."

Sue nods, "I am. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you covering for me last night. There is no way anyone would have wanted me there."

I grab what looks to be either a blueberry or chocolate chip muffin and head to the table. How did Natalie know Sue was going to get sick? It came on so suddenly, was so severe, and she got over it so quickly that I find myself wondering if she was really sick, or if it was something else. The only person who would know is Natalie, but I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

I set my tray down and try to hide a yawn. As soon as I can finish eating, I'm headed to bed. Sixteen hours in the control room is enough to wear anyone out.

"Where were you last night?" Leeann grins at me. "Decide that Dauntless dating isn't so bad after all?"

I feel a set of eyes on me. Somehow, I know before I look that they belong to Eli. "I was in the control room. Sue was sick and I pulled a double shift, if you must know."

Leeann's face falls just a little.

Angie smiles. "You lose!"

I raise both eyebrows. "She loses?"

Angie nods. "She bet you met someone and stayed out all night. I told her you had to unexpectedly pull a double shift."

I shake my head. "Leeann, I told you."

"I know, I know, but there are good guys out there. I thought maybe…"

"Leeann," Nick's voice cuts in sternly. "Not everyone is like you and Eli. Leave her alone."

"But…"

"I _said_ leave her alone."

I squirm in my seat. I didn't want to start a fight between the siblings. "Nick, it's okay."

"No, it's not." Nick turns to me. "Leeann does this to me all the time. If someone doesn't want to date, they don't want to date, and my little sister needs to learn to accept that." He shifts so he is facing his sister. "Is that understood?"

Now Leeann is the one squirming in her seat. "I understand that. I haven't tried to set her up since she said she didn't want to date." Her voice is small while she tries to defend herself.

Nick shakes his head. "Leeann Pedrad, what am I going to do with you?"

"Put up with me," Leeann grins at him, "because if you hurt me, Aunt Taylor will kill you."

"I don't know… if I explain _why_…" There's a teasing note to Nick's voice.

I start eating, ignoring the bantering between the siblings. Right now, I just want to finish eating so I can get to bed. Sixteen hours straight in the control room is mind-numbing.

I feel eyes on me again. I look up and see Eli staring at me. When I catch him, he quickly looks away. I take another bite and sneak a peek at him. This time he's looking at Nick. He has the strangest look on his face. It almost looks like he's plotting something.

**Ok, so from the first guess I was told Amar was too old to be Jazz's baby, but he's not. Here's the passage from Four: A Divergent Collection that gave me Amar's age. It's from "The Transfer"**

"_**My name is Amar," he says. "I'm your initiation instructor. I grew up here, and three years ago, I**_

_**passed initiation with flying colors, which means I get to be in charge of the newcomers for as long as**_

_**I want. Lucky you."**_

**So according to the books Amar is only three years older than Tobias. I know this gives Amar and George more of an age difference than most FanFics do, but… in the real world people have age differences, sometimes even bigger than this. (I actually worked with someone once who was two weeks OLDER than their mother-in-law!) Bahrfamily and I spent a few emails trying to agree on the age difference between Amar and George. So there really has been a great deal of thought put into this. Sorry if this doesn't work into your idea, but Four Collection gives us Amar's age, and for Tori to be close to her brother they had to be somewhat close in age… since my goal is for this to work with the books so I have to go with what is written.**


	23. Chapter 23- Divergent

**Characters**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Sultana: Control room supervisor**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**Rais and Jazz: Dauntless couple and Amar's parents. Jazz was Hana's initiation instructor.**

**Abilyn: Hana's friend, former Candor**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Jackie asked the question "Does Eli think Nick and Hana are secretly dating or something?" More on the lines of "or something…", but… none of that in this chapter. Sorry.**

**Of course I need to say thank you to Bahrfamily for her continued editing skills and support. Yeah… I know, I owe you a couple of chapters…**

**Chapter 23 Divergent**

I almost walk past Natalie in front of the Pire. This is by far one of her best Dauntless disguises. Somehow, she has managed to turn her hair a darker shade and put a fuchsia stripe by her face. There is a hint of a tattoo by her neck. I know there really isn't one there. I wonder for a moment how she did that. Could I do that as a trick on Leeann?

"Hana," she smiles at me. "Here." She holds out her hand to me to shake. When we shake hands, she passes a small drive to me. "Erudite, tonight." Her voice is low. "Two AM until four."

I nod, and we part ways. I keep the drive cupped in my hand for a moment. Then I shove my hand in my pocket. More false footage for a couple of hours, while Natalie does whatever it is she needs to do.

At 1:50, I start watching the clock. Just like every time Natalie gives me something to do, time seems to crawl just before I'm supposed to do it. I know she counts on me to get it right, so I obsess in those moments before hand, to make sure I do. At 1:59, I carefully pull the small drive out of my pocket. At 2:00 AM, I fiddle with the back of the monitor and quickly plug it in. I adjust the screen and stretch like I'm trying to stay awake, but the truth is, I'm very awake right now. If it is like every other time Natalie has had me do this, I now have one camera that is running old footage of nothing, so you can't see Natalie. I always try to guess which one it is. I've never told her about this game I play, but it keeps me focused. For fifteen minutes I play my game. I have no idea yet which camera it might be. I think only three cameras so far have had anything on them where I can rule them out.

Suddenly, what catches my eye isn't a camera playing footage of nothing; it's a camera showing a man in blue jeans and heavy coat standing in front of the library. On a whim, I decide to pull the camera. The library has been closed for a couple of hours. Why is he there now?

He looks both ways and starts to cross the street.

"No!" I yell as I see the car barreling toward him.

My scream causes the two other people in the control room to look away from their screens at me. Sultana is tonight's supervisor. She jumps out of her chair and heads towards me. "Hana, what is it?" I look on in horror as the car hits him.

He flips up on the hood, then onto the windshield, breaking the windshield. Then his body bounces in front of the car and lands on the street. The car pauses for a second, and then suddenly lurches forward. For a moment, I think the whole car is going to go over him, but it stops with him under it, between both sets of tires.

Sultana reaches my side and sees what I saw. She heads back to her seat and grabs the phone. I hear her voice, but I can't make out her words. I assume she's telling someone what we just saw, but I'm not sure.

I wish I could make the picture larger so I could see if he is moving, but if there is a way to do that, no one has shown me.

Sultana is suddenly next to me again. She puts an arm around my shoulder. "What camera is that?" she asks gently. "Erudite one hundred…" I check the monitor, "eighteen." She nods and is gone again. I hear more talking.

He's not moving. I'm pretty sure he's not moving.

"Hana," Sultana calls from her desk. "Release the feed. I have it."

I nod and release the feed. The cameras start flipping through their order again. Sultana will watch the camera and the man while I keep an eye on the rest of the faction. I'm not concentrating anymore on figuring out which camera feed is fake.

I wipe at my eyes. I'm pretty sure I just watched a man die.

Part of me wants to skip breakfast today. Sultana confirmed before I left that the man died. I know it wasn't my fault. I know that, from as far away as I was, there was nothing I could have done, but I'm still Abnegation enough that the guilt of his death is building up inside of me.

I take my tray of food and sit at the end of our table. There are two empty places between me and Leeann, and almost everyone is there, so I hope they all take it as a sign that I've had a rough night, and I want them to leave me alone. The conversations float over me in sounds and not words. They wash over me and start to heal me. I have no idea what anyone is saying. Today, I'm okay with that. Just the sound of their voices is comforting to me right now.

"What's wrong?" Without me realizing it, Eli has moved to sit down beside me.

I look up at him, shocked. I had no idea he had moved from his spot between Jude and Rais to sit by me. "Nothing."

His eyes hold mine. In that moment, it's like he can see through my lie the same way Abilyn can. "Hana, you're sitting here by yourself. I don't have to be a Candor to realize you're lying."

"I'm sitting here by myself because I need to eat before I try to sleep, and I mean _try_ because I had a really rough night last night. I have no idea if I'll be able to get to sleep." I wipe away the tears in my eyes, angry at myself because I'm letting them show.

"What happened?" It's odd to hear Eli being concerned instead of trying to crack jokes. He's not usually the type to take things seriously.

"I'm not ready to talk about it."

He's quiet for a moment, and I think the conversation is over. "I think you need to talk about it."

I look past him and realize the whole table is watching us. Leeann looks as concerned as her cousin. Jazz has Amar on her shoulder, but her 'mother' face is aimed at me. Nick's halfway out of his chair. The look on his face says he's headed to join us. Just what I need another Pedrad trying to make me talk. Jude, on the other hand, is scowling at me. That shouldn't surprise me. She does that any time Eli gets near me. I don't stop to analyze what I see on everyone else's face. I really can't handle any more of this.

"I don't." My voice is louder than I intended. "I watched someone get hit by a car last night and die." I pick up my tray of mostly uneaten food. "I just wanted to try and forget about it before I went to bed. Thanks." I walk off.

I dump my tray and turn around, right into Eli. I freeze when he puts both hands on my shoulders to steady me.

"I'm sorry." His voice is contrite. "I could tell you were upset, and I didn't like it. I was just trying to help."

I nod.

"Hana."

I look up at his eyes. They are dark brown with flecks of gold in them, and they hold me there. I can see his remorse and concern mirrored in them. "I just wanted to try to help. I should have dropped it when you said to. I'm sorry."

I smile my old Abnegation smile. "Apology accepted. I'm going to go for a walk before I try to sleep." I take a couple of steps and turn around. "Thank you for trying to help."

This morning before I went to bed, I checked the portable screen Natalie gave me. I wasn't really expecting anything from Natalie, but there was a note to meet her at her old room an hour before I have to report to work. Fortunately, everyone has been giving me a pretty wide berth since I snapped at Eli this morning, so leaving wasn't much of an issue. All I had to do was say I was going for a walk. When Leeann offered to go with me, a simple, "No, I need some time to myself," was all it took to get her to let me go on my own.

I check the hallway no one is there. I'm right on time. So, hopefully, Natalie has everything set up so I can enter the room without being seen.

The first thing I notice is that Natalie isn't draped over the chair like normal. She's pacing back and forth.

"What's wrong?" I ask her as soon as I close the door.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

Sometimes I think she really _is_ turning into an actual Abnegation.

"I asked you first."

She sighs. "What's wrong is that I need to know if you're okay after last night."

I look at her, puzzled.

She exhales loudly. "What did you see last night?"

I close my eyes. "How did you know?"

I'm surprised when she doesn't answer. I open my eyes and find her staring at me, waiting for me to tell her.

"I watched a man get hit by a car and die last night." I can feel the first tear slip down my face. "I'm having a few problems with it."

Natalie's eyes close. "I was afraid of that." She opens her eyes back up and looks at me. "Hana, you didn't see what you think you saw."

I shake my head. "You weren't there."

She laughs. "That's just it. In a way, I was there. Hana, the scene you saw was the one you put there. I gave you the footage of the fake car accident."

I look at her, just stare at her. What is she talking about?

Natalie sighs heavily. "I think it's time I tell you what I'm really doing here. I'm here on a mission to find out who is killing the Divergent, and why."

"The Divergent?" My tone is questioning. Once, when I was little, I heard my parents talking. They used that word, Divergent. When I asked my mom about it later, she told me not to worry about it. I'd find out when I was older. That was before we realized I wouldn't be staying in Abnegation. I hadn't thought about it that conversation and that word in years. I guess Mom forgot about it, too.

Natalie nods. Then she flops in her chair, one leg over the arm. "It turns out that most people really do have a single aptitude in which they are stronger, but there are some people who are equally strong in two factions. Occasionally they have more, but normally two." Her eyes burn into me, holding my attention.

"I'm here because the people on the other side of the fence have discovered that someone is trying to kill those people who have an aptitude for more than one faction. They call these people Divergent."

It doesn't completely make sense, but I find myself believing her. "OK, so what does this have to do with you and me?"

Natalie smiles. "I was sent here to figure out what is happening with the Divergent, and when they are in danger, if I need to, I'm supposed to get them out of here."

"Okay…" I wonder where she is going with this.

"There's a man I've been watching in Erudite. We knew he was a Divergent. It was starting to look like someone in Erudite had figured it out too. Hana, they were going to kill him. I had to get him out of there." She sits up straight in her chair and looks at me. "I had to fake his death to do that."

I nod slowly. "So… he's alive?"

Natalie smiles; it's a beautiful, relieved smile. "He's alive. I got him out in time. _We_," she stresses the word, "got him out in time."


	24. Chapter 24- History

**Characters**

**Jude: Eli's (very possessive) girlfriend**

**Gayle: (mentioned) Hana's older sister**

**Sultana: Amar's grandmother, and one of Hana's supervisor**

**Miles: another control room supervisor**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin (Leeann is Hana's best friend)**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**I'm adding a quick reminder of what happened in the last chapter to the beginning of this one. During the last chapter, Natalie had Hana put in a drive so the cameras would show what Hana thought was false footage to hide Natalie being somewhere. Instead, she ends up seeing a man die after being hit by a car. This upsets Hana. Eli tries to talk to her about it, but she walks away from him. Afterward, Natalie tells her the man wasn't really dead and explains Divergents to her. **

**This chapter takes place **_**immediately**_** after the last chapter.**

**Thank you, of course to Bahrfamily for her Beta skills again on this chapter!**

**24 History**

I'm in a better mood as I head to work than I would have been if I hadn't spoken to Natalie. Knowing that I didn't really see someone die last night makes a huge difference. I remind myself that I need to keep up the façade of being a little down for a day or two. If the car accident I saw last night _was _real, I wouldn't be over it so quickly.

I turn down the corridor, away from Natalie's room and towards the Pire, when suddenly Jude is there. "I was hoping to see you before you went to work." Her voice is low and hard. She steps towards me. I take a step back. I don't want her that close to me. Suddenly, I realize I'm backed up against the stone wall.

"Why?" I pretend to not be scared.

Jude leans in and presses her arm into my chest. "You need to be careful who you spend time with."

I draw my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Don't play innocent with me." Her arm moves from my chest; instead she grips my arm. I feel her fingers dig in. I'm going to have bruises on my arm tomorrow. "Everyone else in this faction may buy it, but I don't. _I'm_ dating Eli. _You_ need to stay away from him."

I pull my arm away from her. "I _know_ you're dating Eli. He's Leeann's cousin. I hang out with her, not him."

Jude's blue eyes narrow into slits. "I don't care _who_ you think you are friends with. I don't like Eli talking to you. So stay away from him."

"Or what?" I stand up straight. I know it doesn't help, but I hate feeling small around her.

Jude takes a step back and leers at me. "You've seen what I can do, Hana. Do you _really_ want to go there?"

I feel goosebumps rise on the back of my neck. Even though I was a nameless Abnegation covered in gray, my recent suspicion is correct, she _does_ remember me.

Jude leans in close to talk to me. "That boy in Candor? He wasn't an accident, or a fluke. He got in my way, too." I can feel her breath on my neck. "And it wasn't _nearly_ as serious as what you are doing."

It's even worse than I thought. I thought maybe she remembered me from some misstep at school, but if she says the Candor boy got in her way…"Are you going to beat me up too? You think I won't tell who you are, now that I know?"

Jude shifts so our noses line up. Her nose almost touches mine. "You think they would believe _you_ over me?" Jude suddenly changes, like a switch has been flipped. Her face becomes softer, more innocent looking. She shifts away from me, and her voice changes. "I don't know _where_ she got that idea from. All I did was ask her if she was trying to steal Eli away from me..."

I stare at her, unsure of what to say. Trying to take Eli away from her as never crossed my mind.

Her smile grows. "It looks like we understand each other." She finally releases my arm, but not before she shoves me into the wall again. She starts to walk away from me. Then suddenly, she turns around and walks backwards, just long enough to taunt me. "Oh, and if you _try_ to change your story about the Candor boy, do you really think that after all these years, if you change the faction and come up with a name now, they are going to believe you?" She winks at me and turns around.

I wait until she is completely out of sight before I allow myself to sag against the wall. I feel the rocks scrape against my back as my knees slowly buckle underneath me and take me to the floor.

When I chose Dauntless, I never even thought about that day. After all, I was convinced the attacker was factionless. The red shirt with gray patches and blue pants patched together with white thread couldn't belong to someone in a faction. I guess I also assumed that since I wore gray back then, that I would be as anonymous to her, whoever she was, as I was to everyone else.

With my eyes closed, I can still picture that day. It was early spring, and I was walking to school. I told Gayle it was to give the space on the bus to someone else, but the truth was that it was a beautiful day and I selfishly wanted to enjoy it. I was passing the Upper-level school on my way to the Mid-level building when I saw him:

a Candor boy, fallen to the ground, unable to defend himself from the onslaught of the Factionless girl, who I found out today was Jude, not some Factionless person, standing over him. He was taking blow after blow as the girl, who I found out today wasn't really Factionless, but rather Jude, came after him. She was savage and unrelenting. Every blow struck something: face, kidneys, arm, leg.

At first I watched, unable to believe what I was seeing. I was locked in place, unable to move. It was the sickening sound of bone breaking that finally brought me out of my trance. I knew nothing about fighting, back then. I didn't comprehend vindictiveness back then, either. On that day, I thought I was actually being selfless; I wonder now if I was really being brave.

I jumped on her back. Maybe I was trying to distract her, hoping to make it harder for her to move on him; I'm still not sure what I thought I could do.

She threw me off, and I screamed as I flew through the air. I screamed again when I hit the ground.

It was the screams that probably saved us both.

The Candor boy had never made a sound, but once I screamed, there were noises in that area. The sound of footsteps and people's voices coming closer caused her to finally turn and run in the one direction that no one was coming from: the factionless sector.

They questioned the boy, and they questioned me. Neither of us knew who she was.

I saw the boy, once, in school that year. It was almost a month after the attack. He was in a wheelchair. One of his legs stuck out in a cast; one of his arms was bent and in a cast, too. His face was still bruised, the sickly yellow and green-tinged-with brown color that only healing bruises can create. How deep had the bruises been that day, for him to still have them a month later? An Abnegation girl was pushing him to his next class, but his eyes wildly searched the hallway.

I watched them for a little while. Every time someone moved suddenly, he seemed to push himself deeper into the chair, trying to make himself smaller, less noticeable.

I didn't see him again until the next year. I heard that they decided to have an Erudite tutor him the rest of the year. I also heard that they sent him to a counselor in Amity too, but despite that, the next year, he was still always watching, always on the lookout, always anxious whenever there was someone near him.

He and I never spoke, but one day he caught me watching him. He looked at me for a moment. There was a puzzled look on his face, and then suddenly his eyes lit up. He mouthed the word, "Thanks."

I smiled back and bobbed my head to him.

I guess when he recognized me, I should have realized that if I ever ran into her, she would recognize me, too.

I finally make myself get up off the floor. I need to get to work.

Sultana and Miles are conversing quietly at the supervisor's desk when I walk in. I no longer have to pretend that I'm still shaken from last night. I'm too shaken from my meeting with Jude to look collected.

I start to adjust my monitor, like I do every night, when I look down at my hands and see them trembling. I quickly put them down on the desk top. I close my eyes and breathe in with my nose and out with my mouth. Someone, sometime, had told me that was a good technique for relaxing. I try it a couple of times, and then stretch out my hands again. The tremors are still there, but not quite as noticeable.

I walk over to the supervisors' desk. Before I can ask for my assignment, Sultana speaks up. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay." Thanks to my meeting with Natalie, I'm okay with everything that happened last night. What I'm not okay with is what happened on the way here, with Jude.

Sultana studies me for a second. "I'm not convinced."

"It's my job."

Sultana sighs. "There are parts of this job that can be difficult. They don't happen often, but they do happen."

"I understand. What factions do I have tonight?"

Miles joins the conversation. "You have Abnegation, Erudite…" his voice trails off.

It was Erudite where I saw the man hit by the car last night. "And the Pit." I finish for him. "I've got it."

I turn to leave, but Sultana puts her hand on my arm. "Eli would be a good person to talk to."

"Eli?" His name is out of my mouth before I realize I've even thought it.

Sultana laughs gently. "He used to work here too. He saw a man jump into the Chasm one time. He knows what it's like."

"I'll keep that in mind." But he's not an option. Not with Jude's recent threat.

Sultana stops me from turning around. "But you're not sure about that because of Jude."

Can she read my mind now? "What?"

Sultana laughs at me. "I'm not a mind reader. I just know that _all_ of Leeann's friends have had problems with her at one time or another. She's very possessive of him." Her voice drops. "Of course, I keep telling him he should just leave her. She's not the right girl for him."

Why would she be telling Eli who he should date?

"Eli, Nick, and Rais were best friends growing up." She continues. "The Pedrad boys are like my adopted sons."

"Oh." I'm not sure what else to say.

"Are you okay with Erudite?" Miles asks.

I nod confidently. "It's better not to avoid it."

During my shift, I decide to have a late breakfast. It will mean missing out on eating with my friends, but the upside is avoiding Jude, and this morning, avoiding Jude is more important. I decide to go by the training room and work out for a while. I haven't used the punching bags much since training. So it would be a believable excuse for the sore muscles I'm developing after my run in with Jude last night. Besides, after her threat, I probably should keep in practice.

When I get to the training room, I can hear the soft thuds of hands and feet landing on the bags. Good. Now if it could just be one or two people I know, they can give me an alibi that will be even better.

I open the door. I know everyone there, and I wish I didn't. Nick and Eli are at bags next to each other. Jude is leaning against the wall near Eli. When she sees me, she narrows her eyes and looks at me. Then she looks at the guys. Nick and Eli are so intent on their workout that they haven't even noticed the door open. Jude grins that same evil grin she had earlier, pushes away from the wall, and stands by the bag on the other side of Eli.

She doesn't warm up, but simply kicks the bag. It swings more than either of the guys' punches do. Without stopping, she kicks it with the other leg.

"Okay, quit showing off." Eli smiles fondly at her.

Jude stops and smiles at him.

Nick looks around the room. It's like he knows that Jude isn't showing off for Eli. He seems to understand there is another reason behind it. When his eyes land on me standing by the door, he says my name brightly. "Hana! You found me."

I smile and try to look like I have some clue what he's talking about.

"Okay, guys, I'm out of here. I told Hana to come find me before she went to breakfast, and I'd keep Leeann from pestering her about work last night." He walks over to me and slings an arm around my shoulder. Like always, I tense up when he touches me. "Come on, Stiff," his tone is teasing, "let's get some breakfast."

"Stiff?" Jude's voice carries as Nick and I leave the room.

"Yeah," Eli's voice is softer, harder to hear than hers. "She stiffens up when you touch her. It's just a nickname."

"Why would you know that?" Her voice is suspicious.

I don't hear his response because the door closes behind us. As soon as the door closes, my whole body starts trembling.

"Come on, Hana. Let's get you where Jude won't see you if she walks out that door."

I nod and let him lead me away from the training room. He doesn't take me far. We turn the first corner, and he checks the first door. It is unlocked and empty.

"Jude threated you," Nick states as soon as the door closes behind us.

My eyes snap to his. "How…?"

Nick hops up on one of the tables. He shrugs. "It happens to all of Leeann's friends at some point. The problem is, Eli never believes anyone."

I shake my head in disbelief. How can Eli be so blind?

"Here's the deal. I protected Angie and Kelly from her. I'll protect you too."

I shake my head. As tempting as his offer sounds, I can't take him up on it. My situation is different than theirs. "I can't let you do that. It's more than just Eli, in my case."

"More?" Nick looks puzzled.

I nod. "I saw her beat someone up, almost kill him, when we were kids. I didn't know who she was at the time. I thought she was Factionless, so it didn't even occur to me when I chose Dauntless that I might see her again. I found out last night I was wrong. It was Jude, dressed in Factionless clothes, and she _remembers_ me." The tremors start again.

Nick whistles. "Hana," he jumps off the table and stands next to me. "It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to let her hurt you." His hand reaches out to touch my arm, the same arm that Jude latched onto. I don't stiffen up this time when he touches me. It's much worse than that: I cringe.

"Nick, I can't let you get hurt for me."

"Hana," his voice is soft, "what did she do to your arm?"

"Nothing." I try to cover it with my other hand.

Nick obviously doesn't believe me. He gently moves my hand down and pushes my sleeve up.

His eyes harden when he sees the bruise that has started to form. "She did this?"

I start to shake my head, but the look he gives me stops me from lying. I nod instead.

He looks at me grimly. "If I thought this would bring Eli to his senses, I'd make you show him."

I feel a surge of terror shoot through me.

"I won't, though, because I think it would end up making things worse for you."

"Thank you." The words come out as an unsteady whisper. "Nick, I appreciate your offer, I really do, but I can't let you get involved."

"She won't hurt me." Nick reassures me. "I'm Eli's cousin. Hurting me would ruin everything for her, and she knows it."

"Nick…"

"It's not an offer. I'm _telling_ you what is going to happen." He starts to head to the door, and I follow him. "Just remember one thing."

"What's that?"

"I don't date, Hana. I don't get involved with people, except as friends. Kelly got her signals mixed and…" He's quiet for a minute. "I don't want you to get them mixed, too. You're Leeann's friend and I'm helping you out. That's all."

I nod. "Fair enough. From what I've seen of Dauntless, I don't date, either."

Nick smiles. "Then we understand each other."


	25. Chapter 25 -Cake

**Miles: One of the control room supervisors**

**Leeann, Bekah, Abilyn, Kelly, Angie: Hana's roommates**

**Chaz: Leeann's boyfriend**

**Nick and Eli: Leeann's brother and cousin**

**Rob: (Mentioned) Angie's boyfriend**

**Thank you to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I love reading your comments and appreciate your feedback. **

**And of course thank you to Bahrfamily for keeping me on track, and taking the time to Beta read this chapter. Multiple times...**

**25 Cake**

I follow the pathway through the Chasm back to the Crevice. When I squeeze through, I see Natalie walking through the door she told me I don't have a key for. Dressed in gray with her hair pulled back, she looks like the perfect Abnegation member. "Hi!" she says brightly, and begins to undo the hooks and buttons on her over-shirt.

"Hi." I find myself wondering why she's taking her shirt off.

Underneath her gray shirt, is a black top, not the gray under-shirt that she _should_ be wearing. "Either you're early, or I'm late," she says, as she pulls off her gray pants, revealing a tighter pair of black pants under those.

"I'm a little early, but not much."

"I must be running late, then." She pulls the bobby pins out of her bun, pulls something out of her pocket, and then clips in a section of purple hair at the base of her pony tail. I watch in fascination as she braids it. So that's how she puts the streaks of color into her hair. "I lost track of time, sorry." There's a slight blush to her cheeks when she says that. I wonder what she was doing?

"No problem. Why are you bothering to change into Dauntless attire?" I have to ask.

Natalie laughs. "I want to show you something, just in case you need it. That's why we met here." She rubs a lotion into her right arm, then takes a long sheet of a clear, almost plastic-like substance and lays it out on her arm. She rubs it with her hand, then slowly pulls it off. Colored flames dance along her arm where she pulls it off.

"So _that's_ how you do the tattoos."

Natalie smiles at me. "That's how I do it."

I look at it again; it looks so real. "Any chance I can do something like that, to fool Leeann?"

Natalie laughs. "I wish you could, but no, that's something that comes from the outside." She's silent for a moment then snaps her fingers. "But I bet if you talk to Tori, she could draw something on you with her ink. It would last longer than this does, but if _you_ look like you have a tattoo, it won't cause the uproar like it would if I did!"

"That's true. I wonder if Tori would be willing to do that?"

"If she's not, I'm sure Bud would. Especially if he knows it's to play a trick on the Pedrads. Throw Nick and Eli in there, and I'm sure he'll do it! How do I look?" Natalie questions me.

"Dauntless."

"Good. Let's head up to my old room. I want start tonight by showing you how to disable the camera by the door, so you can get in there if I'm not around and you need to."

* * *

Disabling the camera from outside of the room turns out to be very simple. All you have to do is make sure the hallway is empty, and twist a knob that is hidden in the light. Getting out is just a little trickier: you have to check the hallway using the camera in the light and the tablet. That's why Natalie was so picky about the time frame when we first met: since the tablet can only be on for five minutes before someone can track it, the window to get in had to be shorter than that.

As soon as she's shown me that, Natalie heads over to the recliner and sits down, throwing one leg over the arm of the chair. "You know," she begins, "one of the things I like about meeting with you is that I get to be a real person again."

I look at her funny.

"On the other side of the fence," Natalie begins softly, "there are no factions, no unwritten, unspoken rules that people expect you to live by, because you don't have a specific title."

I shake my head. It's such a foreign idea to me. "How do people know how to act, then?"

"Oh, there are expectations, but they are almost the same for everyone, and they aren't little things like how you sit in a chair." This time it's Natalie who shakes her head. "Anyway, that's not why I wanted to meet with you. Being able to sit how I want is a bonus." She smiles.

"So what did you want?" I decide to sit on the edge of the coffee table. If she can sit the way she wants, I can try sitting on the table, like I always wanted to try at home.

"Feast Day has been set."

"Feast Day?" I question. "I've never heard of that."

Natalie smacks her head with the palm of her head. "It would be Fast Day, to you."

"Oh?" Why is the name different?" I wonder aloud.

"I'm not going to tell you much about it. You need to ask the right questions of the right people when everyone starts telling you about it. If you don't, they'll think it's odd. Anyway, when they start trying to get people to work on Feast Day, I need you to volunteer for the day shift. No one will want to, and I could really use your help that day."

I shrug. "Okay." Missing a holiday I've never heard of doesn't sound too bad.

"Here's the deal. It will be a twelve hour shift, and the cameras are divided more like an overnight shift. One person has Amity and Erudite, one person has Candor and Dauntless, and one person has Abnegation and the Factionless sector. They'll give you Amity and Erudite that day." She takes a deep breath. "You're going to have to work with a couple of different drives. I have several places I want to try to get into while everyone is celebrating." She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket. "This is a list of the times I should be in a given area and the drive that goes with each one. You'll need to memorize it."

I take the paper from her and look over it. It doesn't look too complicated, and yet... "Five drives?"

Natalie nods. "Switching drives will probably be the trickiest part, but I really need to get into all five locations to try and get the information I need."

"Is there any way you can get me a couple of drives that won't do anything, so I can practice with them?"

Natalie's green eyes twinkle. "We even think alike." She stands up and pulls two drives out of her pocket.

I hold out my hand for them. "Thanks." I transfer the drives to my pocket. "So why do you need all that time and to be in all those places in Erudite? Can you tell me that?"

Natalie thinks for a minute. "I can't tell you everything, but I think Norton has something to do with the problems we're having with the Divergent."

"Is that why I kept seeing you outside of his laboratory?"

Natalie laughs and nods. "That's why. I need to figure out how far everything goes. His top ten…" Natalie pauses like she's trying to decide if she's about to reveal too much.

"Tori's mom is in his top ten, she told us a little bit about it on Visiting Day."

"I need to know how much those ten people, who are most likely to take over when he dies, know. Norton's getting older. It would be nice to know if his death will end everything, or if it will continue on after him.

I nod. Then a troubling thought crosses my mind. "So Jeanine, she was an initiate this year, did she make the top ten?"

Natalie looks at me sharply, and then slowly starts nodding. "She's the one I'm most worried about."

"How likely is she…" I start.

"She dropped everyone down a ranking. Most likely, if something happens to Norton, she'll be taking over," Natalie shares.

I take a deep breath. "Tori and Bekah don't like her."

"Neither does Andrew." She says it so quickly that I don't think she meant to. Her eyes swing to mine with a guilty look about them.

"Andrew?" I pretend I don't remember exactly who he was. She doesn't respond right away, so I decide to prod. "I don't remember an Andrew when I was in Abnegation. Was he the guy there with you and Grace when you dropped off the barrels for clothing?"

Natalie nods, looking a little relieved about the way I remember him.

Andrew and Natalie. I was right, there is definitely something going on there.

* * *

It's another day before I hear Feast Day mentioned again. This time it's at work.

"It's that time of year again," Miles announces at the start of our shift. "I need volunteers to work Nuptials Day and / or Feast Day."

"I can work both," I quickly volunteer.

Miles looks at me a little funny. "You don't have anyone possibly getting married?"

I shake my head. "Sister's already married, brother is younger than me."

"And you don't mind missing Feast Day?"

"I don't even know what that is."

Miles shakes his head. "Okay, I'll put you down for the day shift on both. Any other volunteers?"

* * *

After work that night, Bekah, Abilyn, Kelly and I decide to play cards. There is a commotion outside our apartment. "What's going on out there?" Leeann asks, looking around. She and Chaz are curled up on the couch. Even though they are by far the closest to the door, it doesn't look like either of them intends to get up.

I stand up from the table where we are playing cards, and walk over to the door. "Maybe we should just open the door and find out."

Leeann scrunches her nose up at me. Everyone else laughs.

Nick and Eli are at the door, jostling each other for position. Angie stands behind them, her hands full.

"I said I'd get the door for her." Eli gives Nick a playful shove.

"I saw her first and offered to help before you did." Nick smiles and uses his shoulder to knock Eli away from the door.

I look at the two of them and shake my head. "I got the door."

Both guys stop shoving each other. "Guess she showed us." Eli's voice is sheepish.

"Leeann, the commotion is your family," I announce.

Leeann quickly changes her position on the couch. She sits next to Chaz, instead of draped over him. Since Chaz makes no comment, I have a feeling this change is due to the guys showing up.

I walk past the guys to Angie. Automatically, I reach to take one of the pans she is holding out of her hands. "Looks like you could use some _real_ help."

"Thank you." Angie smiles and moves the other pan so it looks like it is less likely to fall at any moment.

"Hey!" Eli interjects. "I was helping! Nick just got in my way."

Angie and I walk into the apartment, followed by the guys.

"I thought you were out with Rob." Leeann looks at Angie, puzzled.

"I was supposed to be, but I got a chance at work that I couldn't pass up."

"Bet Rob wasn't too happy that he got stood up for work." Chaz grins at her.

"Oh, he's okay with it. In fact, he's on his way over here now, I imagine, to see how it went."

I look down at what I'm holding. It's a pan of cake. "Is this what it looks like?"

Angie nods. "One of these pans is my first attempt at making chocolate cake; the other came from a certified cake baker." Angie sets down her pan, and I set mine down next to hers. "I'm supposed to have you guys taste them both and tell me which one you think is which." Angie shifts from one foot to the other.

"What are you nervous about?" Abilyn asks her.

"How did you know I was nervous?" Angie asks.

"You shift from foot to foot when you're nervous." Abilyn shrugs. "It's something I've noticed about you."

Angie sighs. "The results from you guys and the other testers determine if I'm ready to start making cake or not. You only get to try it four times, and then you don't get to make cake. It's kind of a big thing at work."

"No wonder you guys followed her home," Leeann says to Nick and Eli as she gets up off the couch. "Let's dig in!"

Chaz nods in agreement. "Looks like I picked the right night to hang out here!"

I move to the cabinet and start counting out plates.

"So, Amity thinks they know when they'll be through with the harvest, and Feast Day has been set," Angie starts off as she and I cut the cake to serve it.

"What's Feast Day?" I have been waiting for someone here to bring it up so I can ask. I didn't want to ask at work.

Every pair of eyes swings to me. "You don't know what Feast Day is?" Nick is the first one to recover enough to ask.

I shake my head. "Never heard of it until they asked for volunteers to work it today."

Leeann groans. "And you volunteered, didn't you?"

I nod. "Why wouldn't I? I don't know what it is!"

Eli picks up a plate that already has cake on it. "I thought every faction celebrated Feast Day."

Abilyn nods. "Candor does."

"Erudite does too," Bekah confirms.

"So, what is it?" I ask again.

"It's a big celebration about a month after Amity gets through with the harvest. They bring extra food to all the factions, and everyone gets together with their families…" Abilyn's voice trails off as she remembers that she no longer has a family to celebrate with.

"Or friends," Leeann jumps in quickly. "Which reminds me: Aunt Taylor is expecting _all_ of the transfers at her apartment for the meal. Angie, Kelly, she expects you to stop by for dessert, at the very least."

"Miss Taylor's desserts?" Kelly asks mischievously, then takes a bite of cake. "Only if it's for this cake! Angie, is this the one you made? It's delicious."

"Don't know," Angie answers. "They put a letter on the bottom of the pans after they've cooled. You tell me which letter you think is best, and I bring in the results from that. No one who brings a cake home knows which one is which."

"Tell your aunt thanks," Bekah says softly.

Abilyn nods in agreement.

"You," Leeann turns on me, "are expected as soon as you get off work." She shakes her head and mutters, "I can't believe you volunteered."

"So," Eli turns to me, "what does Abnegation do with the extra food, if they don't celebrate Feast Day?"

"I'm guessing Feast Day matches up to Fast Day."

Leeann groans. "Is that what it sounds like?"

"If it sounds like we fast, don't eat, that day and take all the extra food to the factionless to help them, then," I shrug, "yes, it is what it sounds like."

Eli grins. "If you were equating Feast Day with Fast Day, I can see why you volunteered to work!"


	26. Chapter 26-Feast Day

**Miles: Control room supervisor**

**Sue: Hana's co-worker**

**Angie: Dauntless cook and one of Hana's roommates**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend and roommate**

**Aunt Taylor and Uncle Abram: Leeann's aunt and uncle, Eli's parents**

**Eli: (mentioned) Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: (mentioned) Eli's girlfriend**

**Jazz: (mentioned) One of Hana's trainers, Amar's mother**

**So if you aren't reading Milner's "The First Time", which are her one shots of Tris and Tobias meeting each other in modern day, you missed the fact that we both had chapters titled "Cake" published on the same day! If you aren't reading it, take a the time to read them. They are REALLY good.**

**Jackie, the last chapter wasn't "filler" it was "set up". There were a few things I realized I hadn't set up that you are going to need to understand events in upcoming chapters so (like Feast Day, this chapter)... hopefully next time I'll get them worked into chapters better than I did!**

**And of course I want to thank Bahrfamily as always for her help, on everything. (Like the title for the last chapter!) And being willing to keep up with editing, even when work is keeping her busy.**

**26 Feast Day**

I take advantage of the time and the drives that Natalie gave me, to practice changing them out. I quickly discover that it's not easy. It doesn't take much longer for me to realize that even though it is going to be more challenging to change them out with just one hand, it will be less noticeable that way. All I can think is that I'm glad I have about a month to work this out.

Natalie must be putting a lot of effort into getting into these offices. Either that or, until she can get in there, she has nothing else to do, because for a month, we only correspond by tablet.

* * *

Five AM comes awfully early on Feast Day, especially when you have to be at work by then. I yawn as I set up my computer for the day. Natalie doesn't need me to start putting in drives until ten, so until then, all I have to do is keep from falling asleep, and of course watch the screens.

Shortly after I put in the first drive at ten AM sharp, Angie and a couple of other workers from the kitchen come into the control room with carts loaded down with food. There are only three of us working, but the amount of food is incredible. I've never seen so much variety at one time. I'm not actually sure I can identify all of it. Even though I have already learned from the cafeteria that the Dauntless menu is much more varied than the Abnegation menu ever was, still I'm impressed by all the different dishes I see.

My mouth starts watering just looking at it.

"Remember," Miles calls out from his seat, "don't eat all of it. The other shift is expecting leftovers!"

"If they really wanted some of this, they should have volunteered for first shift," Sue informs him sourly. From her tone, and from the way she has been sitting at her seat with her arms crossed against her chest all morning, I'd have to guess that she was assigned this shift; that unlike me, she didn't volunteer.

Miles shakes his head at her. "Sue, you haven't had to work day shift on Feast Day for five years. Quit your bellyaching."

Sue glares at him.

"Will it help your attitude any if I let you get your food first?"

Sue stands up and heads to the carts. She grabs a plate and starts filling it. "No, but I'm not going to turn down the chance, either."

Miles throws his hands up. "I give up, just be miserable, then."

"Thank you." Sue returns to her seat. "I intend to."

"Happy Feast Day!" Angie smiles and hands me a plate of cake before she leaves. "I made it myself."

I grin back at her. She never told us if she passed her cake test or not. I'm guessing this means she did. "Congratulations!"

* * *

At 4:55, I pull out the last drive. Mission accomplished. I hope Natalie was successful in getting the information on the Top Ten that she needed. I stick it back in my pants pocket and stretch. It's been a long day in front of the screens. Part of me would like nothing more than to go back to the apartment to sleep, before the mind-numbing effects of watching the screens while eating all the food the cafeteria brought in for us, wears off, but something tells me that if I do that, Leeann might never speak to me again.

When we are dismissed, it dawns on me that I don't know where I'm going. Leeann told me to meet her at her aunt and uncles apartment, but she never told me the number so I could find where they live. I put my bag over my shoulder and stand by the control room door for a minute. I'm sure they live in the Pire, but what floor? I walk to the elevator, wracking my brain to see if I can remember any clues. I have no idea. Guess I get to go back to the apartment to sleep, after all.

My finger is about to push the down button to go back to my own apartment when the doors open. Nick stands there. "Good, I'm in time. Leeann just realized five minutes ago that you don't know where Aunt Taylor and Uncle Abram live. I've been charged with finding you and escorting you to the festivities."

"Leeann couldn't come herself?"

Nick shakes his head, a smile playing on his lips. "You'll understand when you get to the apartment. Besides," he holds the door open so I can get in the elevator with him, "I volunteered. I thought this would give us a chance to talk without anyone else around."

"What do we need to talk about?"

"Jude." He pushes the button for the twentieth floor. "I've been thinking about what you said about her having more against you than just her paranoia about Eli."

I nod.

"Eventually she laid off of the rest of them. Angie when she started dating Rob, Kelly when Jude realized Kelly really _did_ like me, and Natalie when…" His voice trails off. Last time, he didn't mention Natalie being involved. I guess he remembered last time that I don't really know Natalie.

At least, he doesn't _know_ that I really know Natalie.

"Let me guess, Natalie when she traded places with me?"

Nick groans. "You still remember I said that, huh?"

"Sure do," I smile a nice reassuring Abnegation smile, "but don't worry, I haven't mentioned it to Eli or Leeann."

"Thanks. My concern is that if you have something on Jude, and it sounds like you do, she's not going to lay off of you when she decides someone else is after Eli."

I tilt my head and look at him. "So what are you suggesting?"

"Well, if you don't mind me saying something to Jazz, I think that Jazz and I should get you back into the training room and help you with your fighting skills. You may end up needing them."

I hadn't thought about that, but he's right. Avoiding the training room and not practicing is probably not a very good idea. "I hadn't thought about that."

Nick smiles. "I have, so when you work first shift, after dinner, you are going to work out with either Jazz or me."

"Nick, Jazz just had a baby. Are you sure she's going to be up to this?"

Nick thinks for a moment. "If I do most of the fighting and she does most of the watching and giving pointers, I imagine that will be just fine with her."

"Okay, but what about when I have the other shifts?"

"I haven't worked that out yet, but we'll figure that out when we need to. You're on first shift right now, aren't you?"

I nod.

"Good. We'll start day after tomorrow."

"Why not tomorrow?"

Nick grins that Pedrad grin. "You'll see."

* * *

Leeann is far beyond bouncing and bubbly when we get to Taylor and Abram's apartment. She's glowing. "Hana!" she squeals. "You're here!" She turns to Nick. "Where'd you find her?"

"At the elevators. She was getting ready to leave the floor when I got there."

"Thank you!"

"No problem." Nick smiles back. "I knew if she didn't make it here, you'd explode."

Leeann laughs.

"What's going on?" I ask suspiciously.

Leeann holds out her left hand for me to look at. She's wearing a new ring. The black metal is dull with small round circles around the rolling band. At the center of it is a small round black stone. I look at the ring, then at her, and then back at the ring. "Well...?" Her voice is full of excitement.

For a moment, I am stunned. Nuptials Day, the one day each year when couples can get married, wasn't even a month ago, and here Leeann is, wearing an engagement ring. A year from now, she and Chaz will be married.

When you transfer, you always know things will be different. Abnegations are discouraged from getting married until they have been members for a couple of years. In their minds, it is selfish to think of yourself and to get married when you could be spending that time focusing on other people without the distraction of a family.

I guess Dauntless sees things differently.

"Leeann, it's beautiful." I smile at her, and then take a step closer to give her a quick hug. "Congratulations."

Well, I had hoped it would be quick, but Leeann holds on tight. "He _finally_ asked me!"

When she lets me step back, I laugh at her, just a little, "Finally? Leeann, he couldn't have asked you much sooner! You can't be married until you've been a member a full year, and Nuptials Day was less than a month ago. He couldn't have asked you before then!"

Leeann smiles, "I know, I know, it's just…" I catch her looking behind me, and the look in her eyes tells me Chaz must be in her sight. "Hana, we've been together forever. I don't remember Chaz NOT being there when I needed him." She suddenly tones down a notch; it's a more serious look thnt Leeann is known for. "Every horrible thing that happened in my life, Chaz was there for me. It's just good to know that he'll always be there."

I smile at her, wondering what horrible things she is referring to.

"I mean," she continues softly, "I shouldn't be surprised that he's going to always be there. Aunt Taylor pointed out to me shortly after we became members, that I've tried to push him away often enough with our fights, and he's always come back. I guess I just needed to know that… that he loves me, that he won't abandon me." There is a vulnerability in her eyes that makes her look like a young child.

"I can't imagine him ever doing that," I assure her.

"So anyway," bubbly Leeann is back, "it's getting too cold to zip line much longer. It's a tradition to put it up after Feast Day. Eli said if we wanted to go tomorrow, to celebrate my engagement, that he'd put it up for the year after that. We'll leave after work and have a late dinner."

Eli is putting it together; as much as I would love to go zip-lining again, I don't dare go this time. "I think I'll pass."

"No!" Leeann sounds upset. "You have to come."

I take a deep breath. "I can't."

"Give me one good reason why you can't," she challenges me.

"Leeann, can't you just take my word for this?"

Nick walks by. Leeann grabs his sleeve and tugs him into our conversation.

"Nick, tell Hana she _has_ to join us for zip-lining."

Nick looks me straight in the eye. "You should come."

"I shouldn't." I stare straight back at him.

"Hana, you can't give in to her." Nick's voice is firm.

Leeann looks from Nick to me and back again before she groans. "Now it's Hana?"

Nick nods.

"She knows?" I realize I sound surprised by this, but it hadn't occurred to me that Leeann might know about all of this.

Leeann laughs. "I'm not the oblivious one. That's Eli."

"You need to go." Nick's voice is firm. "You can't back down from her."

"Nick…"

"No, Hana, listen to me. Eli will be the last one to go; he has to get everything taken care of for the end of the season. I'll be the first, so I can help on that end. You just make sure to go right after me. You stand by me when we catch." He shrugs. "It will be easy."

"I appreciate it, but..."

"Hana," Leeann cuts me off and looks me straight in the eye. "You need to listen to us. If you try to avoid her, it will actually get worse. Kelly tried that for a while before Nick figured out what was going on." Leeann shakes her head. "I'm not going to let another friend go through that."

"You two really think I should go?"

Nick and Leeann both nod.

I sigh. "Okay, I guess I'm going."

"Great!" Leeann grins. "Now, if I can just figure out how to push Jude off the roof, tomorrow will be perfect!"

I laugh and look around the room, which is full of people. I actually know more of them than I thought I would, but there are two people missing that I expected to see. I decide not mention Eli. "Speaking of whom, was she not invited?"

"Been here already and left when Eli got called in to work." Nick grins. "Aunt Taylor barely tolerates her. She doesn't stick around here when Eli's not around."

Leeann laughs. "She barely sticks around here when Eli _is_ around! It's a definite advantage to doing things at Aunt Taylor's!"


	27. Chapter 27- Details

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Leeann: Hana's roommate and best friend**

**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Angie and Kelly: Hana's roommates (who have also had run ins with Jude)**

**Rob: Angie's boyfriend**

**Gayle: (Mentioned) Hana's older sister in Abnegation**

**Jackie- you really need an account so I can PM you! I hadn't thought about that song, but... you're right. It does seem to fit!**

**Thank you, as usual, to my awesome Beta Reader Bahrfamily. Be glad you never see the mistakes she saves you from...**

**27 Details**

"Just remember stay near me as much as possible," Nick whispers as we get ready to jump on the train that will take us to the Hancock Tower. "If I'm not around, try for Leeann or Angie."

I nod, knowing that, even though I don't like it, I need to trust his advice on this.

As soon as we start running for the train, I realize that Nick has positioned himself to jump in right before me. He lands on his feet and then turns to hold out a hand for me to grab, so he can help me in the rest of the way.

I turn to see how many people still need to jump on. Leeann and Chaz have just landed on the other side. Eli still waits to get on with Jude. His eyes meet mine. A slow smile grows on his face as Nick tugs on my hand and pulls me into the car. A shiver runs through me at Nick's touch.

"Thanks." I quickly retrieve my hand from his.

Nick smiles and heads towards a corner of the car. I wander over with him. Leeann and Chaz soon join us.

"So I hear you've joined Jude's hit list." Chaz shakes his head at me in mock disappointment. "Not even here a year and you already have her hating you."

"I figured I'd avoid the rush." I try to sound nonchalant.

Chaz laughs. "She _does_ have a sense of humor! That was a good one!"

Leeann hits him, gently, on the shoulder. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, come on!" Chaz responds. "Either we make a joke out of it when we can, or Jude will drive us all crazy! I vote we make jokes out of it as often as possible. That girl is nuts!"

Leeann looks around quickly. I presume she's trying to locate Jude. I don't notice her or Eli in our car. I'm hoping that even though it's a smaller group going zip lining today, they are in a different car. "Okay," she says softly, even though the coast appears to be clear. "She _is _nuts, but if Eli hears you, then he starts defending her, and if he starts defending her…" she ends her sentence at the most interesting part.

"I know," Chaz sounds resigned. "If he starts defending her, then he spends more time with her than us, and it starts the whole vicious cycle of him getting closer to her and being a jerk, and then Nick has to set him straight, and…"

"And in the meantime Hana takes the brunt of her ire because Jude has decided Hana's after Eli," Leeann interrupts him. You can feel the tension in her voice.

"You're right, you're right," Chaz agrees calmly. "I just wish he'd dump her. It would make all of our lives so much easier."

Leeann nods. "We all wish he would, but," she sighs, "I just don't see that happening."

"Don't see what happening?" Angie and Rob join our group.

"Eli dumping Jude." Chaz answers.

"That would be nice." Angie looks around the group at the mainly serious faces, then over at me. "I'm guessing you've made Jude's hit list?"

I nod.

"Kelly!" Angie waves her over to our group.

Kelly says something to the group she is talking to, and then walks over towards us.

"What's up?" She asks. I notice she stands close to Nick, but doesn't look at him.

"Hana is Jude's next victim."

Kelly nods. "Got it."

I look at Angie questioningly. She shrugs. "We've both lived through it, along with a friend who transferred to…" Angie's voice trails off and suddenly she laughs. "That's funny!"

"What's funny?" I have a premonition of what she's going to say. I think she's just figured out what each of the Pedrads did the first time I met each of them.

"Well, the last person Jude picked on ended up in the faction you left." Angie shrugs. "I just think it is funny."

I smile and look covertly at Leeann and Nick. "Hmmm, it's almost like we traded places." I try not to laugh.

Both of them look at me, but I don't say any more.

* * *

"I need to help Eli set things up," Nick tells me softly while we ride the elevator.

"I'll find someone to stick with."

Nick gives me a small nod. We step off the elevator together, but he makes his way over towards Eli, Jude, and the staging area. I know Nick had said to stay around Leeann or Angie, but they are both snuggled up with their boyfriends. I really don't want to intrude on that, so I find Kelly, who is standing nearby, and wait with her. After all, she's been through it also and knows what is going on.

"So you had problems with Jude, too?" I start off.

Kelly nods. Her eyes are on Nick.

"How bad was it?" From what everyone has said, it sounds like Kelly had it the worst, and since Jude has more against me than just Eli… I figure she's the best person to tell me what I might be in for.

"Bad." Kelly looks me in the eyes. "How long did it go on, before you told someone?"

I laugh. "Same day, but I didn't tell. I accidently wandered in to the training room and Nick, Eli, and Jude were there. Nick saw Jude react to me and figured it out."

"You're lucky." Kelly has a haunted look in her eyes. "I kept it a secret for two months." Her gaze strays to Nick again. "I think she would have eventually killed me if Nick hadn't found me after she hit me a couple of times to prove her point."

"Did you guys tell Eli?"

Kelly nods. "Back then, we were all foolish enough to think we could make him see reason. The problem was that Jude already had a cover story set up. She already had an alibi for the time Nick and I said she did it. She even had a reason I would lie about it, which Eli believed."

"He believed _her_ over you _and Nick_?" I can't keep the disbelief out of my voice.

Kelly nods. "She can be very persuasive, especially with Eli. It probably didn't help that she had Trina involved."

"Trina?"

"My older sister," Kelly explains with malice in her tone. "We were never close, but when she told Eli that she was the one who hit me…"

My eyes grow large with wonder. I can't imagine what it would take to get Gayle to lie like that.

"Yeah, I know." Kelly's voice sounds resigned. "Some sister, right? I've always wondered if Jude had threatened her or had something on her too, but I guess we'll never know."

"Why not?"

"Trina was a fighter. Her explanation on my injuries even worked into that. She told Eli that she was practicing some new moves with me, and it got out of hand." Kelly shakes her head. "About a month after we tried to tell Eli what was going on, she got hit in the head during a bout." Kelly pauses. "She never woke up." Her voice is soft.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I. I would have loved to know how Jude got her to lie like that." Kelly seems to be lost in a memory, and I let her be. "Jude told Eli that I lied about who hit me because I didn't want Trina to get in trouble, and because I had crush on him and wanted to break them up." Kelly gives a small laugh. "I've never had a crush on Eli. He's not the one who caught my eye." She looks over at Nick. "But he believed her, because I was always around. He just didn't realize who I really wanted to be near."

Just then Eli yells out, "All set! Nick, you're first." He scans the crowd. "Hana!" He yells my name before I can start moving to get in place after Nick. "You're second. Rob, you're third. Angie, you're fourth. The rest of you fall in line!"

Why did he pick me to be second? I try to brush it off, since that's where I was supposed to be anyway.

"That's weird," I hear Angie say to Rob when we're in line.

"I know," Rob responds. "I've always heard you just get in line, first come first served."

Angie looks at me, then at Kelly, and then back at me. "It's almost like a couple years ago when..." Her eyes twinkle, matching the smile on her face.

Rob follows the direction of her eyes. "You think…?"

"Maybe." Angie shrugs. "If _he_ believes it, she might believe it, and that would only help Hana."

Who believing what would help me? I wonder about it briefly, before I tune them out and watch Eli help Nick into the sling. Nick is on his stomach, facing the building.

"Ready?" Eli asks him.

Nick gives him the thumbs up sign, and Eli pushes him off the edge. Nick waves at me as he sails away, and I wave back.

"Facing up?" Eli asks as he turns to me.

I quickly shake my head. Jude is standing next to him, but even if she wasn't, I'm not about to do that this time, for a couple of reasons. The first is that if Eli _is_ the one person who always goes that way, and I do it that way again, that's going to egg Jude on. The second is that I need help from him to get in that way. I think that if I get in face-first facing down, I can do it without his help. "No, I want to try something different," I respond, "on my stomach, facing forward."

Eli shrugs and sets the sling up. "Okay, but it's going to be boring after going on your back."

"I'll take my chances."

Eli holds his hand out to help me in, but I use both hands to crawl into the sling myself. The problem is, I've never done this before, and my weight suddenly shifts the sling. I feel myself starting to fall. I grab onto the sling to try to keep my balance, but that seems to make things worse.

Eli and Rob both grab for me. Eli's hand catches my side; Rob's hands wraps around my leg. I can feel where both of them touch me, but they feel different. Rob's is just a ghost of a touch and fades away just as quickly as he releases me. It is forgotten almost before his hands are gone. Eli's touch tingles and lingers.

"You okay?" Rob asks.

I nod, not trusting my voice.

"Next time, when someone offers to help you, don't be so stubborn," Eli growls at me. His hand is still on my side. "If we hadn't caught you, you could have gotten hurt."

"Okay." My voice is soft and waivers. I don't let myself look over at Jude. I already know the look she's giving me. I have that look of hatred memorized.

Eli's face softens. "Are you sure you're ready to go? You could wait and go after Rob and Angie."

I shake my head. "Nick will think something happened to me if I wait." It's the first excuse that comes to mind. If Jude sees me wait until after Rob and Angie go… I involuntarily look up at Jude. I don't think it will be good.

Eli buckles me in and then double checks the straps. "Ready?" His hand stays on my back, steadying me.

"Ready."

He pushes me off. I look down this time, watching the ground speed past me. At first it is hard to see anything. I start high enough up that the details of the ground are impossible to make out. It is easier to see the buildings as they whiz past. I close my eyes against the wind and listen to the cable hum as I fly. I feel the wind on my face and pressing my clothes into my body. It is that wind that finally blows off the last trace of Eli's touch.

* * *

When we get back to Dauntless, all of us except Eli, Jude and Nick, head for the cafeteria. Eli and Nick head off to store the zip-lining equipment first. Jude tags along, to stay close to Eli, I'm sure.

We find an empty table and take it over. Leeann and Chaz are the center of everything. We are celebrating their engagement, so that only seems right. I find a seat at the edge. It's not that I don't want to be close to them, but I figure I share a room with her, and Chaz is over at our place a lot. I'll have time with them soon enough.

When I fill my plate, I realize that all the food tonight seems familiar. In fact, I'm pretty sure it is the same as what we had yesterday in the control room. When I mention that to Angie, who sits next to me, she nods. "Feast Day is a lot of work for the kitchen. We make the same number of servings as every other day, but so many people eat at home, that the next day is mainly leftovers."

I nod. That seems fair. They work hard for the holiday; the next day, they get their break.

Eli, Jude, and Nick show up. They pause by the table, figuring out where to sit. Eli's eyes light up. "Nick, there's an empty seat by Hana. Why don't you sit there?"

Nick nods and moves towards me.

"Jude, there are two seats together right there." Eli now points to the other end of the table. He and Jude head off to that side.

It works for me. The further Jude is away from me, the better.


	28. Chapter 28- Distraction

_**Jazz: Hana's trainer and Amar's mother**_

_**Leeann: Hana's best friend**_

_**Nick: Leeann's older brother**_

_**Eli: Leeann's cousin **_

_**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**_

_**Sultana: (mentioned) Jazz's mother in law, control room supervisor, Amar's grandmother**_

_**Rais: (mentioned) Jazz's husband, Amar's father**_

_**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**_

_**Rob: Angie's boyfriend**_

_**Angie, Kelly, Abilyn, and Bekah: Hana's roommates**_

**Thank you Bahrfamily for fitting this in during a very hectic week at work! I appreciate it so much!**

**28 Distraction**

"Someone," Jazz smiles and rubs noses with Amar, "needs his diaper changed."

It's funny: part of me feels like I should offer to change his diaper, but… I can control the Abnegation tendency, at least enough to avoid doing that. "I'll take care of your tray for you," I offer instead, since Rias is at work and can't do it for her.

"Would you?" Jazz looks a bit relieved. "I really don't want to put him back in his carrier right now." She points to the baby carrier she and all new Dauntless moms wear to hold their babies and keep their hands free for things like jumping on trains. "He's messy, and this only makes it worse!" She laughs and stands up to leave.

When Jazz is gone, Leeann shakes her head at me and laughs. "You can take Hana out of Abnegation, but you can't take Abnegation out of Hana!"

"Yes, you can!" I inform her.

"Really? It doesn't look like it to me," she taunts me.

"It does to me." I smile at her. "I didn't offer to change the diaper!"

The whole table laughs at that.

* * *

Nick finishes his food. "Hana, you ready?"

"Sure." I pick up my tray and Jazz's tray.

Leeann gives us a puzzled look. "Where are you two going?"

"I've got some work to do." Nick says confidently. "Hana offered to help me."

Leeann laughs. "Told you that you're still Abnegation."

I shake my head at her and laugh as Nick and I walk away.

"Sorry," Nick apologizes as we put up our trays. "Since Jude was there, I didn't think I should just announce where we're going."

"I agree." I smile at Nick and look back at the table.

Eli elbows Jude. He seems to be pointing toward Nick and me. It feels a bit like the conversations my parents used to have without talking. I'm not sure what he's trying to communicate to her, but it's obvious to me that he's trying to tell her something.

And whatever it is, Jude doesn't seem to be buying it. She has a very skeptical look on her face.

I guess it doesn't really matter to me what it is. I turn around and follow Nick out of the cafeteria.

"Jazz will be joining us, as soon as she gets Amar settled and checks in with Sultana."

"Checks in with Sultana?" I question.

"Yeah," Nick laughs as we near the training room. "Rais is going to find himself in a world of hurt, if he doesn't let Jazz have some time alone with Amar soon. He's so nervous that something is going to happen with Amar and that Jazz will need help, that she has to check in with his mother when he's on patrol."

"Poor Jazz!"

Nick nods. "But if he keeps it up much longer, we may accidently feel sorry for Rais when she puts him in his place!"

We go through the door and find Jazz already there. Amar is asleep, tucked back in his carrier. Jazz stands in front of one of the punching bags. She keeps both feet planted and sways back and forth while she punches the bag. It's a strange stance. Much different than the ones she taught us in training. It only takes a moment of watching her to figure out what she's doing. Dauntless moms are amazing. She's rocking him to sleep while she punches the bag.

"You beat us!" Nick announces our presence.

"Yes," Jazz smiles and stops punching the bag. "I told Sultana what we were up to and she offered to watch Amar, but," Jazz kisses the top of his head, "he's going to be hungry soon, so I figured I should keep him with me."

Nick shakes his head. "What kind of help are you going to be while you feed him?"

"The same help I'll be the rest of the time." Jazz sounds defensive. "You told me you wanted me more to watch and give suggestions, right?"

Nick nods.

"That takes my brains. Amar's not going to be sucking those out of me."

Nick puts up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay."

"Sorry," Jazz apologizes. "Rais has just been acting like I can't do _anything_ lately. I'm starting to get a little defensive. "

"Maybe you should talk to him."

She shrugs. "Maybe." She changes her focus to me. "Okay, Hana, let's take a look at you on the bags. If I remember right, you needed helping getting more muscle, to move the bag."

* * *

"Jazz had a good idea last night after you left," Nick informs me about a week later, as we stand in line for breakfast.

"What's that?" I take a couple of slices of bacon as we move on down the line.

"She thinks it might help you to watch the professional fighters. Have you ever gone and watched?"

"Once, sort of." I try not to blush and think about the one time I've been to the fights. "Leeann tried to set up me up on a date, before I knew what it meant to date in Dauntless. We watched the fights for a while, but… I didn't enjoy it much."

"Was it the company, or the fight?" Nick looks like he's trying to decide if it's okay to laugh or not.

"For the fight portion, I didn't know what I was watching, so it didn't make much sense." I pause for a heartbeat. "For the rest of it, well, let's just say I left in a hurry."

"Fair enough. Chaz and Rob love going to the fights; if I can get a few others to go with us, would you be interested in going? Either Jazz or I can try to explain them to you and help you understand it better. Then we can point out some moves that might help you."

"If you two think it will help, I'm willing to try it."

"Great. You stay out of the conversation until they start keeping track of who is going. Then just say you're going. I'm going to try to get Chaz or Rob to throw out the idea for something for the group to do."

I nod. Sounds easy enough.

* * *

"So, what happened to Rowdy last night?" Nick asks innocently enough.

"Nothing!" Chaz jumps on the opening. "He's washed up and needs to start looking for a new job."

"No, way! Rowdy's one of the best fighters out there!" Rob is quick to defend him. "Last night was a fluke. Rowdy's still the champ."

"Maybe in your book," Chaz scoffs, "but in reality, he's washed up."

Leeann and Angie look at each other, rolling their eyes. Something tells me they've heard this discussion before.

"Boys!" Leeann mutters.

"Fights!" Angie responds.

Part of me wants to apologize to them and explain what is going on, but Nick and Jazz have been working with me on my fighting without anyone knowing because they don't want it to get back to Jude. If I let these two in on it, something might slip, so I let them fret about their boys and their apparent obsession.

"Tell you what," Rob's voice suddenly brings me back to their part of the conversation. "Rowdy is fighting Vic tomorrow night. Why don't we just go and we'll _see_ who's washed up."

Nick smiles at me.

"Okay," Chaz agrees, "let's see." He turns to Leeann. "We're going to the fights tomorrow night." He pauses half a second and then adds, "If that's all right with you?"

I stifle a laugh. Chaz is smart enough to realize he needs to make sure it's okay with Leeann.

Leeann smiles and shakes her head at him. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Take me to the fights?" Chaz looks hopeful.

Leeann looks at him for a couple of minutes then laughs. "Do they start at seven?"

"Yes."

"Pick me up at 6:30 so we can get good seats."

"Angie?" Rob speaks up. "You want to come with us? I can pick you up at 6:30 when Chaz picks up Leeann." That's the difference between Chaz and Rob: Chaz does everything with Leeann. Rob makes his plans then, invites Angie to do it with him. If she decides not to go, he'll go anyway. I'm not sure Chaz would go without Leeann.

"If I'm not busy," Angie answers like she's unsure, but I've seen her do this before, and so has Rob. She'll be ready.

"Anyone else want to come?" Chaz opens it up to the rest of the group.

"I'll be there," Abilyn jumps in.

"Sounds good to me." Nick smiles.

"Can't make it," Tori sighs. "Tattoo parlor is busiest after dinner."

"I'll try it," I speak up.

Eli shrugs. "Let me check with Jude and I'll get back to you."

"Why not?" Bekah chimes in. "I don't have anything else going on."

"I guess." Kelly sneaks a look at Nick. "It's something to do."

"I'll check with Jazz and Rais. They may want to join us too," Nick offers.

"Sounds good," Chaz nods. "The more the merrier."

* * *

"We should have gotten here earlier," Chaz moans. The stands are almost full. "I guess everyone wanted to see Vic take out Rowdy."

"Not going to happen!" Rob shakes his head.

"Let's find some seats somewhat close together." Leeann tries to bring the boys back to the problem at hand.

"There." Eli points to some seats that aren't side by side, but it does look like we can do it up and down in about three rows.

"Let's hurry up before someone else gets to them." Angie tugs on Rob's hand.

The front row only has room for three of us. "Jazz, why don't you sit there with Hana and Nick?" Eli suggests quickly. "That way if you need to leave with Amar you won't need to climb over strangers."

I glance at Jazz who nods. Since Nick is running late, she responds, "We'll save Nick a seat."

It's almost like he knows the three of us had planned to sit together. We sit down. Jazz sits on the edge and lays Amar down between us to help save Nick's place. The couples- Angie, Rob, Leeann, and Chaz -take the row behind us. Eli, Kelly, Bekah, and Abilyn sit behind them. It looks like there is room for a fifth person on that row, so I guess Jude will be showing up later.

Jazz leans over and starts talking to me; her voice is soft like she is really talking to Amar. "For the first couple of fights, just watch their hands. See what they do to protect themselves. She's good, really good. Defense is going to be your best bet." Jazz doesn't want to say Jude's name in case someone overhears us, but we both know who "she" is.

I nod and they start introducing the night's first fight. Nick comes up right about then. He starts to slip in next to Jazz.

"Nick!" Eli's voice just carries to our row. "Why don't you sit on Hana's other side? That way if Jazz needs to leave with Amar, she won't have to climb over you."

Jazz and Nick exchange a look. Jazz shrugs and picks up Amar. "Slide over, Hana," Jazz encourages me. "Put Nick on the inside."

I slide over and Nick climbs over both of us. "Sorry, ladies." He grins, and whispers to Jazz and I. "Hana being in the middle is what I had planned, but why would _Eli_ suggest it?"

"Who knows?" Jazz shakes her head. "I told Hana to watch how they protect themselves during the first couple of fights."

"Good plan."

* * *

It's during the break after the first two fights that I notice her. She's seated almost opposite of me, only up towards the top. The black hair and black stud in her nose keeps me from being sure, but the green eyes keep drawing me, making me think it's her.

For the next set of fights, Nick has me watching their feet: seeing how they stand to keep their balance, how they move to stay out of reach, things like that. I try to stay focused on that, but I keep looking at her.

Our eyes meet at the end of the match. She stands up and winks at me.

I stand too. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Nick asks.

I think quickly. "I think I see Sue, from work."

Jazz moves so I can get past her.

As I walk away, I notice idly that Jude has joined Eli.

I find her near the bathroom. "What are you doing here?" I whisper while I lean up against the wall next to her.

"I'm watching someone, who might be…" her voice trails off.

"Need any help?"

Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. "I'll point her out. Just let me know if you see anything suspicious or hear anything about her."

I nod. "How will I know who it is?"

Natalie thinks for a minute. "I'll stand behind her and trace my finger on the inside of my cuff. When you've seen me rub your eye so I know you've seen it."

"Sounds good."

Natalie pushes off the wall and heads back to her seat. I wait a couple of minutes so it doesn't look like we were together then I do the same.

"Was it Sue?" Nick asks as I take my seat.

"No, or if it was, I didn't find her," I lie easily. No, I never would have made it in Candor.

They indicate the next set of fights are about to begin. It's the fight we are here for, Rowdy versus Vic. Chaz leans in to me. "Okay, this time watch how Vic anticipates Rowdy's punches. See if you can figure out how he does it."

Shocked, I turn to face Chaz.

"Oh, come on, they can tell you want to look for, and I can't? If you want to enjoy the fights, you have to know what to look for," he explains.

I turn back around. I look first at Jazz, who gives me a small nod, then at Nick, who indicates it's okay with him by barely shrugging his shoulders.

Then I look across the arena at Natalie. She sits behind a woman who is turned sideways, talking to someone just down from Natalie. She runs her hand along the sleeve of her shirt. It's the signal. I can't quite make her out from this angle.

I wait until the woman turns around and I can see her face before I signal back. My hand is headed toward my eye when I realize I know her…

Carly.


	29. Chapter 29-Risk

_**Leeann, Bekah, Abilyn, Angie, and Kelly: Hana's roommates**_

_**Nick: Leeann's older brother**_

_**Rais and Jazz: Amar's parents. (Jazz was 1 of Hana's trainers)**_

_**Eli: Leeann's older cousin**_

_**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**_

_**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**_

_**Rob: Angie's boyfriend**_

_**Sultana and Kamil: (mentioned) Rais's parents. **_

**Thank-you, thank-you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm having a really rough time at home, and you have NO IDEA how good your reviews made me feel. I appreciate every single one of them. I even went through this week and reread ALL my reviews. They sure do help.**

**And thank you to Bahrfamily for Betaing this chapter (as always) and for your support. You're amazing...**

**29 Risk**

Leeann puts down her tray with a laugh. "You'll never _guess_ what these four were up to last night!" Leeann points out Tori, Bekah, Abilyn, and me to the rest of the group.

**"**Since we won't guess, why don't you just tell us?" Nick sounds bored.

"What were the four of you doing when I got home last night?" You can hear the laughter in Leeann's voice.

All four of us all look at her, exasperated.

Tori finally looks at Bekah and shrugs. "Bekah and I were working on our results of the last year. Taking stock of what we had done to be brave."

Abilyn sighs. "I was figuring out what I need to do to be more reliably brave next year.

I give my Abnegation smile. "I figured out my resolutions. What I'm going to next year to become braver."

Rais grins and shakes his head at us. "Transfers."

"Nothing wrong with transfers." Jazz nudges her husband, then grabs Amar's pacifier right before it comes completely out of his mouth. "I tried to figure out how to incorporate Restitution into Dauntless. They at least were more successful than I was."

"Restitution?" Eli asks her.

"Making restitution, making things right, with anyone you aren't at peace with." Jazz shrugged. "I never could figure out how doing that would make someone brave."

"I can," I mutter without thinking, "if you're making restitution with Jude."

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize what I just said and my hand flies to my mouth, covering it. Fortunately, Jude isn't here this morning. Unfortunately, Eli is.

There is a moment of dumbfounded silence while everyone takes in what I said, and that _I __really_ said that. Everyone looks at me in disbelief, then at Eli to see how he is going to respond.

Eli throws back his head and laughs. His whole body shakes. "If you can do that, you're braver than I am!" he finally says, wiping a tear from his eye. He looks at his cousin sitting next to me. "Nick, one of two things just happened here."

Nick quirks an eyebrow at Eli.

"Either the Stiff just loosened up and told her first joke, or she's developed a death wish."

Nick looks over at me and pretends to think.

"I'm hoping she's loosened up." Eli pauses for a second. "I'm starting to get used to her."

"So what do Dauntless do to get ready for the New Year?" I ask, trying to shift the attention off of me.

"Plan something risky!" Chaz answers me.

* * *

"So, what _are_ we going to do?" Tori asks when we drop by the tattoo parlor as she closes it down for the night. "I've been hearing people's plans all night while I worked, but every time I was asked what I was going to do, I had to tell them I didn't know."

"Well, there's always drinking by the chasm," Leeann offers.

"That's lame," Angie scoffs. "I mean, it might be a good one for the transfers, but…"

"We're no pansycake transfers," Rob agrees with her.

"Speak for yourself," Bekah says, and then asks. "What's a pansycake?"

"Slang for someone who's easily scared," Eli explains and then adds, "It's an insult."

"Okay," Bekah draws out the word. "Well, we maybe transfers, but we're not pansycake transfers."

Chaz laughs. "Then let's come up with something better to do."

Eli's eyes darken. "I'll be right back." His voice is hard.

We all look at each other, wondering where he's going. Leeann shrugs and turns around to see where he's headed.

Jude stands by the Chasm with another man. He's tall with broad shoulders, and he's all muscle. He would look a lot like Eli from the back. I wonder if this is who I saw her with by the Chasm the night of Tori's party.

"This isn't going to be good," Nick mutters.

"Think this could be it?" Leeann whispers back.

Nick shakes his head. "I don't know, but I have problems believing we could be that lucky."

"What are you doing?" Eli grabs her by the arm.

The guy looks from Jude to Eli and back to Jude like he has no clue what's going on.

"I'm doing something risky." Jude's voice is challenging. "I'm here with someone besides you."

Eli's jaw clenches for a moment before he responds to her. "I would think after the last time, you wouldn't see it as a risk. I told you what was going to happen. You don't seem to remember, so I'll remind you and you can make your own choice. If you stay here, with him, we're through. I told you the last time you came here, our relationship is what it is. It's not going to become any more, and it's not going to become any less. Take it or leave it. It's your choice."

Leeann's eyes grow wide at Eli's ultimatum. I don't think she expected Eli to say anything like that.

"Eli! I didn't mean anything by it! It was just a Risk to start the New Year!" Jude's voice turns innocent, and she instantly abandons her companion. She wraps her hands around Eli's arm and positions herself in front of him. "I would never! He doesn't mean anything, I mean…" She takes a deep breath and calms herself down. "Eli," she purrs and pulls herself up on tip toe to kiss him.

It's _not_ a short kiss.

I don't know exactly how long it is, because as soon as I realize what her intention is, I look anywhere but at them. The strange feeling in the pit of my stomach grows the longer it goes on.

"Okay," Nick drags out the word and everyone turns to him. Well, everyone but Eli and Jude, who aren't paying any attention to us. "Any ideas of what we should do tonight?"

"Zip line is closed, so we can't zip line in the dark," Leeann mourns.

"We could go drink at the top of the Handcock building," Angie tries.

"That's not too different from drinking at the Chasm," Rob points out.

"Then you come up with something," Angie throws back.

Tori laughs. "You know, if you had started trying to figure this out when the _transfers_ were making their lists, we'd already know what we are doing."

Leeann groans. "Okay, maybe we should have started a little earlier, but really, it shouldn't take this long."

"Let's climb something," Kelly breaks in.

"Okay," Nick nods his approval. "What should be climb?"

Everyone stands around thinking.

"The Picasso statue?" Chaz throws the idea out there.

We all look at each other. Getting up the sloped base will be a challenge, but the rungs should make it a little easier to get to the top.

Angie shrugs.

Nick nods his approval.

Rob grabs Angie's hand. "Let's go."

They lead the way to the train.

"What did you guys decide?' Eli catches up with us.

"Where's Jude?" Nick asks.

"Off to patrol."

"Are you sure?" Leeann asks a little snidely.

Eli sighs. "Yes, we ran into Rais. He's on patrol with her tonight."

I suddenly feel bad. I hadn't even realized he and Jazz were missing. "What's Jazz doing?"

Eli laughs. "Well, if you listen to Rais she's taking a bigger risk than anyone else in Dauntless tonight."

Nick quirks an eyebrow at Eli. "What is she doing?"

"Every other time he's been gone overnight he's made her go to Sultana and Kamil's." Eli grins. "Tonight she's staying at home, with Amar, _by herself_!"

* * *

Jumping on and off the train is made more interesting by the dusting of snow on the ground. It's just enough to make things slippery. Listening to Leeann talk, more snow is better. It gives you some traction. When we jump off, close to the statue, Angie slips and falls right before I jump. "Careful!" Chaz yells. I jump, trying to run off the motion, but towards the end, it is a fight for balance that causes Nick to reach out and steady me.

"Thanks." I smile at him.

"No problem." Nick slowly takes his hand off me. "All part of the deal."

I shake my head. How can that be part of the deal? Jude isn't even here to worry about right now.

I follow Nick's gaze and realize he's looking at Eli, who's watching Nick and I with the oddest look on his face. He's smiling, and it's a sincere one, but I'd swear his eyes _almost _have a confused look to them. I must be imagining things.

We all take off towards the statue. There isn't much snow on the ground, and what snow there is happens to be light and fluffy. You could grab a handful and blow, and it would all be gone in one breath. Everyone except me stops every so often and picks up a handful with both hands. They pack it together, and then throw it at someone. Most of these balls of snow fall apart before they reach their target.

"What is everyone doing?" I ask Nick, since he's the closest person to me.

He stops dead in his tracks. After a moment of stunned silence, he finally asks, "You don't know what we're doing?"

I shake my head.

"We're having a snow ball fight."

I'm sure I look as puzzled as I feel.

"You've never been in a snowball fight?"

I shake my head again. "I guess I've seen them at school." I think back to the winter and the Dauntless kids bundled up, throwing snow at each other and laughing. "I just never really knew what was going on."

Nick looks around and spies Tori molding a snowball. She presses it hard with her hands, then picks up more and repeats the process. When she finally throws the ball at Angie, she whoops in triumph when her snowball stays together long enough to actually splatter on Angie's back.

Abilyn throws a snowball at Bekah just before Bekah launches one at her. Both snowballs dissipate within moments of being thrown, but they just laugh and pick up more snow.

Obviously, I'm the only transfer who doesn't know what is going on.

Nick shakes his head. "What do you _do_ in Abnegation?"

"When it snows?"

"Yeah."

I smile. "Head out to the other factions to shovel snow, or check on the factionless to see if they need warm clothes or food."

"I'm glad I'm Dauntless. Here," he picks up a handful of snow, "let me teach you how to make a snowball. It would be better if it was a wetter snow, but… you can still learn the basics on this."

Nick proceeds to show me how to make a snowball as we finish our journey to the sculpture. By the time we are almost there, I have one that looks like it might stay together.

"Try it out." Nick nods approvingly.

I look for the closest target, besides Nick. It happens to be Eli. Part of me thinks I should look for someone else, but I don't expect it to actually make it to Eli without falling apart, so… I take aim at his back.

Just as I let it fly, Nick yells out, "Hey! Eli!"

Eli turns around, and the snowball hits him in the face.

Nick starts laughing. "You did it!" He hugs me and I freeze in place from the touch.

"What? Who?" Eli sputters as he blinks snow out of his eyes.

Nick points to me. "It was her first snowball, go easy on her."

Eli gathers up a pile of snow near him. Seeing his intent, I decide to run for the sculpture.

"Oh, no!" Eli yells at me. "You don't get off that easily!" I hear the slap of his feet on the cement as he takes off after me.

When I see the sculpture, there is a light covering of snow on the base. The slant of the bottom helps the snow to slide down, so there is more snow at the bottom than at the top. When I reach it, I run around to the other side and try to hide behind the triangle that holds the front of the sculpture that looks like half an oval up. I crouch behind it, thankful that I'm short. It should help conceal me.

"Oh, Hana!" I hear Eli using a sing-song voice. "You can either give yourself up or I can follow your footprints."

Darn, I hadn't thought about the fact the snow would give my position away.

I pop up over the top. Eli is on the base on the other side of the triangle, about five feet away. As soon as my head shows, I see his arm go back to throw. I duck back down behind the triangle. A small amount of snow falls down on me. Either he missed and it hit the metal I'm hiding behind, or his snowball fell apart.

I carefully look up over the dark metal. Eli is scooping up more snow. I decide it's time to start climbing. Maybe that will stop him. I straddle the metal, moving up until it almost touches me. Then I lean forward and hold on the achingly cold metal with my bare hands, and put my feet on the metal behind me to give me some traction. Like an inchworm, I work my way up to the bar on the bottom. My hand reaches up to grab it.

"What are you doing?" Eli gasps.

"Something risky!" I respond, as I sit on the thin edge of the metal while holding the bar with one hand. When I find myself balanced, I reach up the other hand for the next bar. Slowly I work my way up, hand by hand, bar by bar, pulling myself from a sitting position until I am standing.

"Why has she started?" I barely hear Leeann's voice through my concentration.

"I think she was trying to avoid getting hit by a snowball," Eli hazards a guess.

"What happens if she slips?" Leeann asks. "No one is close enough to try to help."

I lift my leg up and put one foot on the lowest bar, then the other one. For a while, the climbing is easy. It's almost like a ladder, except the rungs bow out and back in. I keep going until my hands run out of rungs. I look up, not down, and realize I need to make my way up the slanted bar to the other side to continue up any higher. I step up another couple of rungs so my hands aren't above my head, but rather by my waist. Slowly I side step my way to the other side. I reach up as far as I can, but there is nothing to hold on to. I'm too short to reach the top of the next piece of metal. I keep a hold on the top rung and step as far up as I dare. With one hand pressed against the inwardly tilting back piece, I reach the other up as far as I can, to reach the top piece of metal. My fingers barely hook onto it, but it is enough that I my feet can continue climbing until I reach the top rung.

"That's high enough, Hana!" Nick, or is it Eli, calls up to me. "You did it, you took your risk!"

"No one is going to go higher than that!" Leeann adds.

Part of me wants to try, wants to prove them wrong and show them how I can make it all the way to the top, but the other part of me can't figure out how to do it. I decide they are right. I've climbed the sculpture, and I did it first. I press my hands against the bottom of the metal that covers the sculpture and side step back down to the lower point of the rod I'm standing on. Then, holding on to the dark post that holds the top up, I inch my way down to a seated position. "Who's coming up to join me?" I call, finally looking down.

It startles me for a moment, how high I am, up here.

The things I do to avoid a snowball.

**I didn't do a great job describing the statue. I wanted to say it looks a bit like a baboon, but back in chapter 5 I made it clear they don't know much about animals you would find in a zoo and… I don't think Hana would know what a baboon is. So if you want to see what "Chicago's Picasso statue" looks like, Google the words in quotes. That's what I used. It took me a couple of sites to be able to get enough different views to figure out what would work. I wanted to get her all the way to the top, but… I never could find a view that gave me an idea that would allow her to climb that last little bit. So basically she ended on the "ribs". Wonder who the next person was to climb up after her…**


	30. Chapter 30- Tori's Place

_**Abilyn, Leeann, Angie, Kelly, Bekah: Hana's roommates**_

_**Carly: Hana's co-worker; Natalie has identified her as being Divergent.**_

_**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**_

_**Rob: Angie's boyfriend**_

_**Nick: Leeann's brother**_

_**Eli: Leeann's cousin**_

_**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**_

**Thank you to mUmaRhz for pointing out that Chapter 13 was posting as both Chapter 12 and 13. I'm not sure how that happened. So, if you read twice about but missed choosing jobs and housing... you might want to go back and check it out.**

**And thank you to everyone else who took the time to review, I really appreciate the encouragement.**

**30 Tori's Place**

"Evidently," Tori sets down her breakfast tray with a huge smile, "when you work at the tattoo parlor, you get your own apartment."

Abilyn looks at Tori and shakes her head. "First you abandon me at work. Now you abandon me at home?"

Tori nudges her. "It's not like I'm going back to Erudite. I'll just have my own place, right next to the tattoo parlor. I won't be that far away."

Abilyn slowly starts to smile. "So if you're moving, does that mean we get to have a party at your place? You know, like an apartment-warming?"

"Will that make you feel better?" Tori looks her in the eye.

Abilyn laughs. "If I say yes, do we get to have the party?"

* * *

Since I don't have to be at work until around dinner time, I help Tori move her things to her new apartment. We each take an armload of clothes and head out to the Pit. The doorway is nestled slightly behind and to the side of the tattoo parlor. Tori juggles her load until she can find the doorknob and opens it for us.

"Welcome to my new place."

We walk through her dining room and turn to the left. I'm amazed when I count four doors in the hallway. Tori takes me to the first one. "I think I'm going to use this room. It's set up so that when I get married, I won't have to move away, since there are already rooms for kids." She puts the clothes down on the bed and motions for me to do the same. "I guess originally they weren't sure if they were going to let me move in now or wait until I got married, but Bud talked them into now."

"It seems awfully big for one person."

Tori nods. "I know. I can have a roommate or two if I want, but, I'm kind of looking forward to the idea of having the place to myself, at least for now." She starts putting clothes in the closet.

* * *

With one eye, I watch the screen; with the other eye, I watch Carly. I just can't place her. Natalie says she's Divergent. She has an aptitude for more than one faction. I've ruled out two. I've watched her go toe-to-toe with Miles about a policy change she didn't agree with, and she's not overly cheerful, so I've ruled out Amity.

I've also ruled out Abnegation. The only thing I've ever seen Carly volunteer for was leaving early. She's not selfless enough to give up her holiday to work it for someone else. Having grown up Abnegation, I know from these two things that she's definitely _not_ Abnegation material.

So I'm between Candor and Erudite. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to figure this out. I guess it doesn't matter, but since I only recently found out about Divergents I'm curious to know.

The camera in Abnegation finally tears my attention completely away from Carly. It's after dark, the unofficial Abnegation curfew, and there's an Abnegation leaving their dwelling. If it was a female, I would suspect Natalie and leave it alone, but his short hair tells me it's not her. At least, I don't think Natalie has a way to fake that.

I try to follow him with the cameras to see what he is up to, but I lose him. However, right before I lose him, I get a clear view of his face. It's enough to make me lean back in my chair and think. Does Andrew help Natalie out, too? Is he from the other side of the fence also?

* * *

Because of my schedule, I figure I'll be one of the last ones to get to Tori's place the night of the party. I'd feel bad about being late, except, as I walk through the Pit, I see Tori closing up the tattoo shop.

I jog to catch up with her. "Did they start without you?"

Tori nods and laughs. "I told Abilyn she could start it before my shift was over. Then I had a problem with my last tattoo. I'm a lot later than I thought I would be."

She opens the door and we walk into her apartment.

"Tori!" Abilyn yells from across the living room and takes a drink.

Not again!

I relax when I notice no one else takes a drink after Abilyn says her name. Hopefully I'm right and this isn't a drinking game again.

Tori smiles. "Thanks for waiting for me!"

Abilyn wanders over to us. "You're the one who said we could start before you got here."

"I know, I know. I didn't expect to be this late." Tori takes the drink Abilyn offers her.

"Hana!" Leeann calls out my name and waves me over to a table where a card game is going on.

I walk over to where Leeann, Chaz, Angie, Rob, and Bekah are playing a card game. I stand by Leeann and watch to see if I can figure out what game they are playing.

"We were beginning to wonder if you were going to show up," Bekah says, as she plays her next card.

"I came as soon as work was over," I inform her. "In fact, I walked in here with Tori. Weren't you worried about _her_ not showing up?"

"No," Angie grins, "she _lives_ here. At the very least, Tori would show up to go to bed."

"Hey, Stiff!" Nick puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a small hug.

I tense up.

"Sorry," he leans in and whispers. "Eli pointed out you were here before I saw you."

I look over in the direction Nick came from and see Jude watching us. Her eyes are narrowed and speculative. I'm not sure she's buying our cover, but she seems to be thinking about it.

Nick takes his arm off my shoulder.

"Nick! Hana!" Eli yells our names and motions us over to the kitchen area. Tori's kitchen looks like it hasn't been updated in years. The appliances aren't as nice as the ones we have in our apartment, but considering the fact I don't think we've used anything in the kitchen except for cups and plates, I guess it really doesn't matter. Especially when you realize that about the only time we've used the plates was when Angie brought home cake from work. "Why don't you two join Jude and me in a card game?" Eli asks once we get there. "You two can be partners." He says it like he's enticing us.

"What game?" Nick asks.

Eli names a game that I don't recognize.

"I don't know that one," I say, hoping I can wander away without playing it.

"Kelly!" Eli calls to her. She comes over and joins us. "We're going to teach the Stiff how to play a card game. You want to be her partner while Nick helps Hana learn how to play?"

I catch the glare Jude gives me as Kelly answers.

Kelly looks at who all is at the table, and then shrugs. "Sure. Why not?"

Jude and Eli sit across from each other. Nick holds out the chair for me to sit in, pushes me up to the table, and then grabs another chair to sit on himself. He spins the chair around so the back is in front of him and sits down straddling the chair, his hands framing the back and his chin resting on his hands. Nick turns to Eli, who sits to our left. "Why don't you go first? That will make Hana the last to deal and hopefully give her more of a chance to understand the game before it's her turn."

Eli nods, grabs the cards, and starts to shuffle them.

Nick leans in and starts to explain the game to me at slightly more than a whisper. I focus pretty well on what he's saying for the first hand.

When the deal moves to Kelly, Nick has me tell him what I think I should do and corrects me where I need correction.

Jude's deal makes me nervous. Oh, there's nothing she can do to me, physically, during the card game, especially not with Eli sitting right there. It's the looks that she gives me that make my uneasiness increase. One moment she looks at me like an older sister who's proud of the way the younger one is learning something.

The next moment, it is the Jude I've come to expect. She looks at me through narrowed eyes that tickle my memory, reminding me of the way she swung around and looked at me right after I screamed, the day she beat up the Candor boy. She glared at me right before she ran to the Factionless Sector to make sure she wasn't caught. How did I miss the fact that I knew her all these months?

It doesn't take me long to realize that her looks are tied to where Eli is looking. If Eli is looking at her, she makes sure to look over at me with that benevolent smile. In fact, at one point in time, in her most angelic voice, she asks me. "I realize you're just learning the game, so let me ask you this, are you sure you want to play that card?"

I look over my hand and then look at Nick. Nick points to a different card in my hand. I thank Jude and pick up the card I just played and replace it with the card Nick just indicated. Jude beams like a proud parent.

I have to swallow the bile rising up in my throat. I look over at Kelly, who gives me a look that seems to be telling me this is how Jude gets away with it.

I have absolutely no focus when it is my turn to deal. Maybe it is because everyone is looking at me while I deal the cards. Maybe it is because I feel like, by now, I should have a better grasp on the game than I do. But really, I think it is because of Eli.

Eli, who, every time I look up, seems to be watching Nick or me. I'm not sure what to make of the looks he's giving us. Sometimes it's speculative, like he's trying to figure out what _exactly_ is going on between us.

One time I catch him right after Nick and I have been laughing over a couple of whispered comments. He's smiling, not the wide grin that is the Pedrad trade mark, but a smaller, yet still sincere, smile.

The oddest look, though, is when Nick reaches out and tucks a loose strand of hair that has fallen out of my braid back behind my ear. I don't know how to explain the look he gives us then. He's not upset, he's not happy, he's just confused, maybe.

Nick stands up and stretches when we finish that hand. "Well, you aren't the best at the game, but next time you can probably play without help." He puts his chair up, and I take that as a cue to stand up.

"Thanks for being my partner." I smile at Kelly.

"No, problem." She's looking at Nick when she says it.

* * *

Nick, Kelly, and I walk back towards the main group. "Thank you," I tell Kelly again.

Kelly smiles. "Couldn't leave you alone with Jude."

"Hey, I was there," Nick joins in.

"True, but when Jude is around, the more people, the better." Kelly smiles at him.

I notice almost everyone else is hanging around the family room, a brown bottle in each person's hand.

"I've never… worked over night," Leeann says with a smile. I notice almost everyone stops and takes a drink.

"I've never…" Chaz, who sits next to Leeann, begins when he's finished his drink, "worn makeup."

All the girls groan and take a drink.

"I'm glad to hear that." Leeann grins at him. She leans over and kisses him.

"I've never…" Tori says from Tyson's lap, "lived in the same faction all my life."

The Dauntless-born smile and take their drink.

I look at Nick and Kelly. "I think I'm ready to call it a night."

Kelly nods. "Me too."

"What if we go work out, instead of calling it a night?" Nick looks at me.

I sigh. I was enjoying my night off.

Kelly perks up, and says, "That sounds like a good idea."

I shrug. "Okay, let's go change."

* * *

Working out with Kelly and Nick is actually fun. Kelly's better than I am, but she's nowhere near as good as Nick or Jazz, so I find myself feeling a little better about how I am doing. Kelly is pretty good at giving instructions too. She gives me pointers in a simpler way than Jazz and Nick.

It's late by the time we get home. Really late… or is it really early, since it is already morning?

"I'm glad today is my day off," Kelly says through her yawn. "I'm going to sleep in."

"Thanks for your help," I tell her as we part to go to our separate sleeping areas.

"No problem, it was fun." She disappears inside her doorway.

Quietly, I walk in and check the beds. Everyone is already asleep. I open my bottom drawer, lift up the false bottom to take out the tablet, and slip it into the bag. Kelly's still up, but I need to check and see if I have any messages from Natalie. I grab my pajamas and head to the bathroom with my bag.

There's a note from Natalie. "Meet me tomorrow in the Crevice. "

I hear someone, probably Kelly in the kitchen. I start the water so I can take a quick shower. It will give me a cover for how long I was in the bathroom. I respond back to Natalie that I'll see her there. After I slip the tablet back into the bag, I stuff my dirty clothes on top of it and jump into the shower.


	31. Chapter 31- Realization

**Nick: Leeann's (Hana's best friend) brother**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: Eli's girlfriend**

**You've ALL been waiting for this chapter…**

**31 Realization**

"Okay, Nick, I've had it. I'm calling it a night." I pull off my padded gloves.

"Come on," Nick's voice holds laughter, "five more minutes."

I shake my head. "No, Jazz has already left for the night, and in five more minutes this bag is going to move even less than it does now, and it barely moves now. I'm tired, and I'm calling it a night." I look at the clock. I have thirty minutes to meet Natalie. Not enough time to shower.

I start to grab my bag, but Nick beats me to it. "Guess I ought to grab this since you're such a weakling."

"I can take my own bag." I glare at him, reaching my hand out to take it.

Nick shakes his head. "Come on, I'm heading out too. I'll carry it part of the way."

Nick opens the door for me and we head out. I really need to head in the other direction, but if I'm going to keep up the charade of heading home, we'll be headed the same way for a while. We start off in silence. As we round the first corner, I almost groan.

"There you are!" Eli's bright voice catches both of us by surprise. "Where have you been?" He falls in step with us, on my other side. I hope I'm right, that Jude is out on patrol right now.

I let Nick answer, assuming that Eli's asking him and not me.

"I've been helping Hana with her fighting, but she's pretty pitiful."

"I am not!" I protest quickly.

Nick quirks one eyebrow at me.

I sigh. "I'm not good, but surely I'm not _pitiful_."

Nick pretends to think.

I give him a small shove. It moves him about an inch off his course. "Pitiful." Nick shakes his head in mock dismay. "_This_ is how you shove someone."

And before I can react, Nick shoves me into Eli, hard enough that Eli loses his balance. Somehow, he regains it quickly enough to grab me and keep me from ending up on the floor. My skin burns where Eli touches it.

"Sorry," Nick's trying not laugh. "I didn't think about the fact that you aren't used to being a human pinball like Leeann is."

I raise both eyebrows at him.

"Leeann's usually the one between us," he explains. "We knock her back and forth quite a bit."

"Oh, here's my turn." I start to head off down the left passage, knowing they need to continue on straight. "I'll see you two later."

"You know, Nick, you really should be a gentleman and walk Hana to her apartment," Eli comments.

"No," I may have said that a little too fast. "It's not necessary; I really _don't_ want to be run into any walls," I amend quickly.

Eli and Nick both laugh and continue on, without following me. I breathe a sigh of relief.

I'll just take the next turn so I can make my way back to the Pit without them seeing me. I should still be able meet Natalie at the Crevice on time. Eli's last words to Nick keep ringing in my head. Why does Eli think Nick should be a gentleman and walk me home? That's the _last_ thing I need, Nick walking me home, especially since I'm not actually _going_ home.

As I pass a short hallway that goes nowhere, I notice movement. My head snaps to the side. That hallway was started and stopped 4 feet into it years before I came to Dauntless. There are no cameras that reach it, or the opening in front of it. What I see stops me in my tracks. There appears to be a factionless man in an Erudite hoodie that has been repaired in a couple of places with gray thread, and black Dauntless jeans. He pulls off the hoodie and throws it in the corner. I instantly realize two things. One, it's not a man. Two, she's not factionless.

For a moment, I'm glued in place. Slowly she turns around, like she knows someone is standing there, watching her. "Hi, _Stiff_." It's Jude. She emphasizes Stiff, and I know why. Eli called me that in front of her last night. The fact that he has a nickname for me drives her crazy.

The fact that he has called me that a couple of times confuses me.

"I didn't expect to see you here." She looks me over. "Where are you going?"

"Couldn't sleep," I lie. "I thought I'd go for a walk." I shrug. "See if that makes it easier to sleep."

Jude eyes me coldly. "I'll help you sleep."

I draw myself up to my full height. I know I still only come to her chin, but I'm not going to cower like a small child. "I think a walk will do it. I don't need your help."

Jude quickly takes two steps towards me. "Not so fast. I've wanted to talk to you again."

"I don't think we need to." I turn to walk away.

"It doesn't matter what you think." Her hand clamps down on my wrist, pulling me towards her. "I think we need to have another _chat_ to make sure you have this straight. You aren't doing a good job of staying away from Eli."

I try to pull my wrist away from her, but she is holding on way too tightly. "I'm friends with Leeann and Nick." I hope adding his name in will help bring her to her senses. "Eli's their cousin. I don't intentionally spend time with him."

She lets go of my wrist, but before it registers that I can get away from her, she has her hands on my shoulders and shoves me into the stone wall. I hear and feel my head crack on the rock. It starts throbbing immediately. I'm probably going to have to talk to Bekah this time. "Remember that Candor boy." Her grin is maniacal. "_I'll do the same to you_ _if you don't stay away from Eli_." She grabs me under the chin and starts to lift me off my feet. "Nick's not here to protect you now, so let's get this straight one last time. You find _other_ people to hang around. I don't want to even see you from across the cafeteria if Eli is in there."

I can only respond in little choking sounds as it gets harder and harder to breathe. My vision starts to dim. I can't pass out. If I do, she _will_ kill me.

Suddenly, her hand jerks away from my neck and I fall to my knees.

"Let go of me!" Jude screams.

"No." Nick's voice is forceful.

I look up, but I can't see Jude or Nick. There is someone standing between me and them; someone I can't see around, someone tall with a broad back. Eli.

"Get her out of here." Eli's voice is barely controlled.

I hear a scuffle.

"Not her," there is irritation in his voice, "get _Hana_ out of here. _I'll_ deal with Jude."

Eli steps away from me, closer to Jude, as Nick comes around him. Nick holds out his hand, and my trembling one reaches out to grab it.

He pulls me to my feet.

"Go. Get her away from here, _now_." Eli's voice is low and authoritative.

Nick and I walk out of the small tunnel. As we round the corner, I hear the honeyed tones of Jude's voice that she reserves for Eli.

"Now, Darling…"

"Don't. Don't '_Darling'_ me. I have been such a _fool_! I believed you that they were making it up when Angie, and Kelly, _and_ Natalie all said you threated them. I should have realized that all three of them wouldn't say something like that if it wasn't true."

Nick points to the wall and we both press against it so we can hear their conversation.

"Eli! I just didn't want them to…"

"I DON'T CARE! You _don't_ threaten Leeann's friends!" Eli's voice thunders. Then he continues, slightly softer. "You don't threaten _my_ friends."

"I didn't threaten anyone." Jude uses that innocent voice she showed me the first time she threatened me.

"What were you saying about the Candor boy?"

There is silence.

"I asked you a question, Jude. Were you responsible for that Candor boy who was beat up?"

"Eli, I was just trying to keep her away from you." Her voice is that false innocence that I don't trust. "I didn't… I mean… I had nothing to do with… I was just trying to…"

"Just trying to _what_? Scare her? Why do you feel the need to scare her? She's Leeann's friend. It's not like you ever caught _me_ at the Chasm with _her_." His words echo off the rock walls.

"Eli. I told you I…"

"I'm tired of your excuses!" He roars.

"Eli, I'm just trying to…"

There is silence for a moment while he waits for her to finish the sentence, but she doesn't.

"You're just trying to what?" Eli's voice is low and controlled.

"I'm just trying to… protect you." Jude's voice is soft, and for the first time, unsure.

"I don't need to be protected!"

"You do! You don't realize what these girls are like! You don't realize how they would take advantage of you!" Her voice gets louder, and more desperate, with each sentence.

"_They_ would take advantage of me?" Eli's laugh is mirthless. "I think _you_ are the one taking advantage of me."

"Eli, no, I…"

"You what?" The under current in his voice is frightening.

"I love you, Eli. I would never take advantage of…"

There's a short bark of laughter from Eli. "You would _never_ take advantage of me? I think that's _all_ you've done. You've taken advantage of my good nature, of my trust…" He pauses. "Of my fear of being alone."

"Eli, no, I love you! I just want to be with you, to take care of you." I can picture her starting to move in and wrap her arms around him. In that moment, I'm sure nothing is going to change.

"We're through, Jude," he cuts her off.

"What?!" Her voice is a screech. "You can't break up with me! I love you, Eli, and you love me. I…" I can't make out her next words. Jude is sobbing.

His voice is cold. "Jude, I have _never_ lied to you. I have _never_ told you I loved you."

Suddenly Nick gently grabs my arm and starts propelling me down the hall. I quickly realize why, when I hear another set of footsteps behind us. At the end of the hall, Nick turns left, towards his and Eli's apartment.

"Wait." It's Eli's voice.

Nick and I stop where we are.

Eli comes up to me. "Are you okay?"

I try to nod. I want to, but I can't. The movement hurts my head too much.

Eli reaches over and gently brushes the back of my head. When he finds the growing knot, I flinch, and he stops. "We need to get her to the infirmary."

"I'm okay, Eli." I whisper. My voice just won't go any louder right now. "I just need to go home and have Bekah look at it."

"No, you're going to the infirmary to get that checked out. Now."

I cross my arms and stare at him. "Bekah is a nurse. She can check it out for me." My voice is quiet, but firm.

"You need to go to the infirmary. If you need help, Bekah won't have what she needs at the apartment," Eli reasons in a firm voice.

"_If_ she needs something, I'll go to the infirmary then," I argue back.

"Promise you'll have Bekah look at it tonight?" Nick intervenes quickly.

"I promise." Just as soon as I'm finished with Natalie, I finish internally.

"Wha…" the word dies in Eli's mouth as Nick speaks over him.

"Bekah mentioned at dinner that she's on duty tonight. You're off to the infirmary." Nick's voice is firm.

I groan as Nick and Eli each take up position inches away from me, carefully not touching me as we start walking towards the infirmary. How am I going to explain being late to Natalie? How am I going to get away from them?

"Has she done this before?" Eli asks.

"Done what before?" I ask in a soft voice. I hope he can hear me. It will hurt too much to speak any louder.

"Has she hurt you or threatened you before?" Eli sounds exasperated.

Nick lets out his own exasperated sigh and answers for me. "Why do you think I've been running interference between her and Jude?"

Eli's head swerves from me to him. "What?"

"Eli," Nick's voice is tired, "I've run interference for Angie, _and_ Kelly, _and_ Natalie, _and_ Hana when Jude set her sights on each of them."

"You mean you two aren't…?" Eli looks from one of us to the other and back again. His voice trails off before the sentence is fully formed.

"No!" Nick and I both respond together. We look at each other and laugh. My head continues to throb as I laugh, but I still notice my laugh is slightly hysterical. However, after the last few minutes, I figure I have the right to that.

Both of the guys look at me oddly. It's then that I realize I have tears running down my face, and they aren't from laughter. "How did you guys end up there?" I look from one to the other.

Nick holds his hand out. "I still have your bag."


	32. Chapter 32- Headache

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Bekah: Hana's roommate (and a nurse)**

**Jude: Eli's ex-girlfriend (I know you've all been waiting for me to put the _ex _on that description!)**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend and roommate**

**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**

**Jazz and Rais: Members of Nick and Eli's class, Jazz was one of Hana's trainers, and Amar's parents**

**Abilyn, Kelly, Angie: Hana's roommates**

**Trina (mentioned): Kelly's deceased sister**

**Cat- since you're a guest this is the only way I can respond to your review. I'm glad you want more. It would take a MAJOR life event for me to at least not wrap up loose ends. I have every intention of finishing. The major plot points are already drafted out so… thank you for trusting me to finish.**

**Thank you to everyone for the reviews! I'm glad you like the fact that Eli is now completely aware of Jude. You all have me so excited from these reviews that I'm posting this chapter earlier than I thought I would. I figure you want to see happens after Eli and Jude break up. So... here it is. If you have a chance let me know what you think about this chapter. Chapter 33 had a couple of major changes after reading some recent reviews so... keep it up! Your reviews make this story even better!**

**And of course, thank you to Bahrfamily for betaing this chapter, and every other chapter. And also for your encouragement, both on this story and in real life. You're amazing.**

**32 Headache**

I realize, looking at the ceiling of the infirmary, that I am stuck here because I made three mistakes.

My first mistake: asking Nick and Eli to slow down because I felt dizzy. The words were barely out of my mouth, when I heard Eli snap, "It's _my_ fault, so _I'll_ carry her." Then Eli picked me up, holding me in his arms just like Jazz or Rais cradle Amar.

Almost as soon as I realized I was in his arms, my stomach started flipping, making me feel queasy, and that's when I made my next mistake. I told Eli to put me down, and when he asked me why, instead of lying and insisting I could walk without his help, I was honest and told him my stomach was upset from the motion.

He put me down and kept an arm wrapped around my waist, so he could catch me if my legs gave way. My stomach got better when he did that, but not by much. Since I was the one setting the pace to the infirmary at this point, we went pretty slowly.

In the infirmary is where I made the last mistake, the one that landed me in this bed. I admitted to Bekah that my head was throbbing, pounding even.

So now, I'm stuck here until the Erudite doctor on call can come check me out. I'm tired, because I've been up for about 18 hours. Although Nick has disappeared, Eli refuses to leave my side, and I can't seem to fall asleep while he is in the same room.

"I'm sorry." Eli finally speaks. His voice is soft and low.

I slowly shift in the infirmary bed, trying not to jar my head, but I want to be able see him better when we talk. "What are you sorry for?"

Eli gives a short, bitter laugh and shakes his head. "Jude."

"It's not your fault."

"It _is_ my fault." Eli leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"How do you figure that?" I ask softly. "She's the one who did it. You aren't responsible for her actions."

"I should have listened to everyone when they told me about her earlier. If I just would have listened," he leans forward even more and brushes a few strands of hair away from my eyes, "you wouldn't be in here right now." He swallows hard. "I'm _so_ sorry."

"Eli, it's _not_ your fault. Jude and I have a history outside of you. This was going to happen at some point."

"She wouldn't have hurt you so bad." Eli's hand reaches out. For a moment I think his hand is going to touch mine, but instead he sets it down next to it.

I want to shake my head, but I know the motion will hurt, so instead I just close my eyes for a moment. When I open them back up, Eli is still looking at me. "She would have hurt me worse."

"How do you figure that?" Eli's voice is incredulous.

"You and Nick wouldn't have been there to stop her."

"Is this what you've been trained to do, Stiff?" Eli asks in a gentle voice. There is an edge of amusement under it.

"Have I been trained to do what?" I ask, genuinely puzzled. I wonder if he's just being cryptic, or if they _are_ right that I took a major blow to the head, and it's making everything fuzzy and hard to understand.

"Take the blame for what someone else has caused."

I feel a small smile cross my lips. "I never was a good Abnegation, so..." I don't finish my sentence. It hurts to talk.

"What makes you say you weren't…" Eli doesn't get to finish his sentence, because at that moment, Nick returns, and he's not alone.

"Hana!" I wince at how loud Leeann's voice is.

"Quiet down," Eli growls softly at her, "Hana's got a headache."

Leeann immediately turns on her cousin. "And _whose_ fault it that? Will you believe us now?" Her voice is amazingly quiet for the amount of anger I hear behind it. "Will you believe me _and _my friends that your girlfriend is threatening them? Or are we just going to have to continue tip-toeing around Jude, protecting them as best we can? Because, I swear, Eli, I'm not going to stand back and watch this happen, not any more. We're not sitting with you any more, we're not including you in _anything_ anymore, we're not-"

Eli holds up his hands in an effort to stem the tide of words that gush from Leeann's mouth. "Jude and I are finished."

Leeann levels a look at him.

"Permanently." Eli's voice is firm. "I'm sorry. You are right, I should have believed _you_, even if I didn't believe your friends," Eli's voice is contrite, "and I should have believed your friends."

"That's right." Leeann crosses her arms.

"I'm sorry," Eli repeats. He looks from Leeann to Nick. "Do you think you two can forgive me?"

Leeann and Nick look at each other rather than at Eli.

Eli sighs, loudly. "What do I have to do to make it up to you?"

Leeann tilts her head and things for a minute, then her bright smile lights up her face. "Well, to start with, Nick and I will give you an approved list of girls you can date. If they aren't on the list, you have to get permission from Nick, Chaz, or me."

"Don't trust my judgement anymore?" Eli teases her, or at least I think, from the tone of his voice, that he's teasing her.

"No, I don't." Leeann's voice sounds like it's the most obvious thing. "I'm not sure, when it comes to dating, that I ever did."

"Fair enough," Eli tells her, a slightly wistful look on his face. "But I don't think you're going to have to worry about me dating any time soon. I've decided in the last 30 minutes that Nick has the right idea."

Listening to them, my eyes finally flutter shut on their own. I'm so tired, and somehow having Leeann here finally makes it possible for my eyes to close.

"So does that mean you guys will forgive me?" Eli's voice becomes even softer.

* * *

"How long has she been asleep?" The clipped tone of a female voice that I don't know causes me to open my eyes.

"I just closed my eyes a moment ago," I mumble, and then realize I must be wrong. Leeann, Eli, and Nick, have all moved to a corner of the room.

I see Leeann check her watch. "Maybe 30 minutes, no more than 45."

I shift my eyes back to the newcomer in time to see her nod. "Well, I see you're awake now." Her blonde hair is pulled back into a low bun. "I'm Doctor Caroline. How do you feel?"

"Tired," I say honestly, "and my head hurts."

"Nurse Bekah says when you came in, you were also dizzy and upset to your stomach." She looks to me for confirmation.

"Yes."

"What about now?"

I think about it for a minute. "I'm not as dizzy, and my stomach feels much better."

"Good." She nods towards Leeann and the guys. "Who are all these people?"

"Leeann, Nick, and Eli." I point at each of them as I say their name.

I notice she looks at them for confirmation. They all nod back.

"Okay, let me check a few things." She pulls a small, pencil-sized flashlight from the pocket of the oversized blue coat she wears. "Look at my eyes."

I try to, but she points the flashlight at my eyes. I try to focus on her eyes, distracting myself by trying to decide the exact shade of green they are. They are, I decide, a light green, the shade of a new leaf in early spring.

"Good." She keeps the light on, but changes her request. She has me focus on her finger and follow it. She flashes the light briefly in my eyes.

Finally she turns it off completely and starts asking me questions, simple questions that everyone knows. Things like my name, my faction of origin, what faction I live in now, today's date, basic things. She seems pleased with my answers. "Well, Hana, I think you have a mild concussion."

"What does that mean?" Leeann asks from the corner of the room where she and the guys have waited quietly for her to finish.

"How do you know Leeann?" The doctor turns to me.

"Leeann, she's one of my roommates, and my best friend," I answer her.

The doctor beckons her over.

Nick and Eli follow her over to my bedside.

"I'm leaving her here tonight. Nurse Bekah will wake her up every four hours."

I groan. I don't want her to wake me up. I want to sleep.

Doctor Caroline gives me a small smile. "A concussion can cause swelling of the brain. It is possible, however unlikely, that you could slip into a coma while you're asleep. You can go right back to sleep after she wakes you up.

Leeann, you can pick her up tomorrow at…" she turn to Bekah who I just now notice has followed her into the room. "What time is shift change?"

"6:30, but I'm another one of her roommates." Bekah smiles. "I can take her home when I'm off, instead of Leeann coming back."

Doctor Caroline nods. "Do you usually sleep immediately after your shift?"

"Breakfast, then sleep."

My eyelids start to droop again. I'm trying to keep up with what Doctor Caroline is saying, but I just can't follow it right now.

"Should we move this conversation?" Nick- or is it Eli?- asks. "Hana's asleep again."

I start to protest and tell them I'm still awake, but I decide it's not worth the effort. It's the last thing I hear until Bekah wakes me up, and even then I fall right back to sleep.

* * *

"Am I allowed to go to breakfast?" I ask Bekah as we leave the infirmary the next morning.

"Yes, but don't eat too much or anything too rich, like no chocolate, chocolate chip muffins."

"How about this, you fix me a tray, and I'll eat it." I look at her wearily. It's hard to ask her to do that for me, but just walking to the cafeteria is taking more out of me than I thought it would.

Bekah smiles. "Deal."

We part ways as we go through the door. Bekah heads to the line, and I head to our table, where I see the whole table suddenly come to life. Everyone is up and moving. I stand where I am, confused for a second. Are Bekah and I late and everyone is leaving? Then, suddenly, I am able to make sense of the commotion. They are rearranging themselves, for me. There is now an empty seat in the middle of the group. Nick and Eli are stationed on either side of it. Chaz sits across from Nick, and Abilyn has taken up her post across from Eli. Leeann has placed her tray across from where I am meant to sit. Next to Eli is Rob, followed by Angie. Kelly is next to Abilyn while Tori sits next to Angie and across from Rais. Rais is next to Nick with Jazz and Amar on the end. I almost smile. Rais has figured out that the end is the second safest place to be today. If something happens, and they all seem to think something is going to happen, Jazz will be able to get Amar out of the way quickly.

In the place in my heart where I still am Abnegation, I feel this is wrong. They shouldn't be protecting me. I shouldn't be in the middle, safe. I should sit somewhere on my own, where if Jude does show up and try something, they will all be safe.

But in the new part of my heart, the Dauntless part, the part that is expanding and growing as I stand here taking it all in, I feel cared for and loved. I feel like I belong.

I must stand there too long, taking in what everyone is doing, because suddenly I realize Leeann is there next to me. She hugs my shoulders and whispers to me, "Come on. Sit down." Then she propels me forward to the place that I correctly presumed was my seat.

"How are you?" Kelly is the first one to speak to me when I sit down.

"Exhausted. I got to bed late, and _someone_," I pretend to glare at Bekah as she sets a tray of food down in front of me, "decided to wake me up every few hours."

"Sorry." The smile on Bekah's face says she's not really. "Doctor's orders!"

I yawn and look at my food. "I can't wait to get back to the room and sleep without interruption."

Angie laughs. "Not going to happen."

I look past Eli and Rob at her. "What do you mean?"

"She means," Leeann begins, "you aren't allowed to sleep for more than four hours at a time for the next three days, until you see the doctor again."

I groan. I may just have to forget to set the alarm.

"And," Kelly takes over, "we've already got our Hana schedule figured out so you won't be alone."

Looking around the table, I see some very determined faces. They are going to do this. "I think I'm looking forward to going to work," I mutter sourly.

"No, you aren't," Rais corrects me.

I look past Nick to him. "Why not?"

"Because Mom's already taken you off the schedule, until your next doctor's appointment," he states matter-of-factly.

"How does _she_ know?" I draw my eyebrows down as it all hits me. "How do _all_ of you know?" I look at the three Pedrads. I'm not blaming Bekah. She's been at work. Those three are the only other ones who, I thought until now, knew I'd been hurt.

"Doctor Caroline had me contact your work and let them know you have a concussion. That's how Sultana and the control room know," Bekah admits. "I didn't tell them how you got it. You have a follow up with Doctor Caroline in three days. Hopefully she'll release you to work at that time."

"And everyone else?"

Nick and Eli look at each other, then at Leeann.

Leeann sighs. "I'm responsible for everyone but Rais and Jazz, but we're your roommates. You need someone with you pretty much around the clock."

"And even though I'm not officially your roommate anymore," Tori chimes in, "they included me, because we all care about you, Hana."

"And we need to know what to watch for,"Abilyn breaks in, glaring at someone behind me. "And _who_."

The level of tension at the table sky rockets as she says this. First, everyone on her side of the table reacts, and then it spreads to my side. Rais starts it by turning around and blocking Jazz and Amar from whoever has come up behind him.

I don't need to look. I know who it is.

"Eli," Jude's voice is soft, broken, tremulous.

If anyone else is watching Eli, they'd see his hand tighten around his fork, but he takes a bite like no one spoke his name.

"Eli," she tries again, "can I speak to you, _please_?"

He looks at me. I don't know what he's looking for: to see if I'm scared, to see if I give him permission, to see if I'm okay? I take my cue from him and start eating, like nothing is going on.

"Eli," her voice is desperate, "I _need_ to talk to you."

Eli slowly turns around in his seat. "I don't need to talk to you." His voice is even and remarkably calm sounding. "I said everything that I needed to say to you last night."

"I just wanted to ask you… to ask you… to forgive me. That's all." There's a little sob in her voice. "I guess I'm a little possessive, but after my dad…"

She doesn't get a chance to finish what she wants to say.

Nick turns suddenly in his seat and interrupts her angrily. "Missing fathers and messed up childhoods _aren't_ an excuse for what happened last night."

The volume of his voice is just enough to get my head started again. I focus on Leeann, sitting in front of me, motionless. Chaz reaches over and takes her hand. His fingers curl around hers, but her fingers don't move. She is as still and lifeless as a statue.

"Other people," Angie's voice is tight, "have had screwed up childhoods."

"_And_ absent fathers, and _they_ don't go around threatening people, or _hurting_ them," Kelly chimes in.

"That's an excuse." Chaz looks her straight in the eye. "We don't accept excuses here."

"You're right," Jude says in her new quiet voice. "You're all right, but not everyone has family that will step in and help them through it."

"They have friends that try," Eli breaks in.

Jude sighs softly. "You did try. You're right, but it's still not the same."

"When you have people who care about you and support you, it doesn't matter who they are, you take it." Leeann's voice is firm. She finally moves, squeezing Chaz's hand.

"I'm not the one you own an apology to." Eli changes tactics. "I made my choice. There are other people here your apologies belong to."

"You're right. Angie, Kelly, I'm sorry. What I did to both of you was wrong. Can you forgive me?"

Angie and Kelly look at each other. Angie gives Kelly an encouraging nod.

"How did you do it?" Kelly asks softly.

"How did I do what?" Jude asks, puzzled.

"How did you get Trina to lie about my injuries?"

"I didn't…" Jude looks around our group, trying to avoid looking at any one person.

"You need to be willing to answer that question, truthfully, before you ask me to forgive you again. You turned my sister away from me. She died without us getting a chance to change that." Kelly takes a deep breath. "If you want me to forgive you, you need to be ready and willing to answer that question."


	33. Chapter 33-Recovery

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: (mentioned) Eli's ex-girlfriend**

**Kelly, Angie, Abilyn: three of Hana's roommates**

**Leeann: Hana's roommate and best friend**

**Rais: friend of Nick's and Eli's**

**Ava: (mentioned) Dauntless leader, Leeann's boss**

**Doctor Caroline: Hana's Erudite doctor for her concussion**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews from the last chapter. I enjoyed seeing what you all thought of the chapter. There are a couple of parts that were actually added into this chapter from questions/comments in earlier reviews. Thank you for ALL the reviews you leave. They really do help make the story better.**

**And of course thank you to Bahrfamily for her great job Beta reading the chapter and who when I asked if this chapter had gotten too long said she didn't think anyone would complain! Hope she's right!**

**33 Recovery**

By the time everyone starts on their second round of "Hana-sitting," I have informed _all_ of my friends that they all must have lied about their aptitudes, because I swear that each and every one of them _must_ have gotten an Abnegation result.

They won't let me do _anything_, except nap, and it feels like they are always waking me up from that. They are driving me _crazy_.

Nick is the first to realize I am serious and relent a little. He won't let me go to the training room and practice. "That is _completely_ against doctor's orders," he informs me, but he does agree to accompany me down to the Pit so I can walk around a little. It's better, but unfortunately, while we are there, I stumble over something - a crack in the floor, my own foot- I'm not sure what it is, but Eli happens to be there too, and he sees it.

He lays into Nick for letting me leave the room.

Nick turns right around and returns the favor by asking Eli where _he_ was when Jude threatened me. "I've been watching over and protecting her from the danger _you_ placed her in. I don't think you have the right to tell me that I'm not doing my job by letting her come to the Pit for a walk. She didn't fall. I caught her."

"But if you hadn't caught her, she could have jarred her head and made the injury worse!" Eli's voice is loud.

"You don't _seriously_ expect her to not leave the apartment except for meals for the next three days?!" Nick is just as loud as his cousin. He sounds like he can't believe what Eli is implying.

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Until the doctor clears her to be up and around, she needs to stay put!"

A couple of people walking by stare at Nick and Eli, standing there shouting at each other, while I close my eyes and try to relax my way out of the band that is starting to wrap itself around my head and shrink tighter and tighter with each word.

"Eli! That's crazy! If we tried to do that to _you_, you'd walk out on us! I'm taking care of her, physically _and_ mentally. She's going to go crazy if she doesn't get out of that room a little bit."

"If she gets hurt down here, that's not taking care of her! What if Jude shows up here? She could, you know..."

"What do you think Jude is going to do? If I'm standing right here next to Hana, what do you _really_ think Jude is going to try?"

"I think she's going to try to finish what she started!"

"She won't." Nick sounds confident. "Not in a place with so many witnesses."

"How do you _know_ that?"

Nick shakes his head at his cousin. "Really? She's spent the last three years hiding what she's been doing from you to the point that you _believed_ her when Kelly _told_ you and _showed_ you the injuries from when Jude had attacked her. She's a master at covering her tracks! She's not about to do _anything_ in public!"

"You don't know that!" Eli folds his arms and glares at Nick. "I broke up with her. She could try anything now!"

Nick lets out a short bark of a laugh. "Seriously? Couldn't you tell, the other night at the table? That looney girl wants you back so bad, she showed up at our table, hoping that if she apologized to you, you'd take her back! She was trying to get her seat back!"

Eli shakes he head. "That's _not_ going to happen."

Nick takes a deep breath. "Just because _you_ say that, doesn't mean _she_ realizes it."

"Well, she should!" Eli pauses slightly and then continues, "And you should, too."

"I _do_ realize that. _ I_ believe you that you're finished with her. Not with dating, but with _her_." Nick mutters the last part.

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Eli! You're more social than I am. I think you'll be more careful about whom you date, but I do think Jude had a reason to worry."

"I would _never_ cheat." Eli's voice is low with hidden rage.

"I didn't say you would," Nick finally calms down a little, "but I do think that eventually you would have seen who Jude is and found someone else."

The band around my head is starting to pulse, and I feel like I have a front row seat to a fight I shouldn't be watching. I start to walk away from the two of them, back to the stillness of the apartment. The walls may be closing in on me there, but at least it is quiet. Hopefully when I get there and check the clock, it will be time for my next vial of pain killer.

"Where do you think you're going?" Eli's voice is just as loud with me as it has been with Nick.

"Some place quiet!" I say as loudly as I can without making the pain erupt. I continue to walk away from the two of them.

There is a moment of silence behind me, and then I hear two sets of feet pounding on the rock floor, trying to catch up with me. When I hear them catch up, I stop and spin around as fast as I dare, to face them. "Are you two finished?"

They look at me, blank-faced.

"If you are finished yelling at each other, and you want to come with me, fine. Otherwise, stay in the Pit, _away from me, _and finish your argument without making my headache any worse." I turn back around and head to the apartment, not even bothering to look back to see if they follow me or not.

* * *

When I check the clock at the apartment, I see I still have 10 minutes until I can take my next vial of pain medicine. If anyone else was on "duty," I'd go on ahead and take it, but if Nick or Eli realizes that I've taken it early… my headache gets worse just imagining how that would turn out.

I decide to head to the sleeping area and close the door on the guys for the last ten minutes. I know neither of them will come back there with the door closed unless it is time to wake me up. I take advantage of this by finally pulling out my tablet. This is the first time I've been alone long enough to let Natalie know what happened. I feel bad about it, but…someone has been with me every single minute I haven't been asleep or in the bathroom until now.

When I power it on and check the messages, I'm not surprised to see I have one from Natalie. I'm surprised I have _just_ one. She sent it the day after I accidently stood her up.

_**What are you doing in the infirmary? How did you get a concussion? I'm giving you one week to make contact with me and then I'm coming to find you. Do you understand? Feel better soon. N**_

I shake my head. I should have realized she'd have enough access to find out where I was when I didn't show up. I turn off the signal and type out my response.

_**Sorry about standing you up. What happened? In a word… Jude. She cornered me the other night when I was on my way to meet you, and slammed my head into the rock wall. This is the first moment I've been alone since then. I see the doctor again tomorrow. Hopefully she'll release me and call off my wardens. They're driving me nuts. I'll let you know when I'm "free" again. H**_

I turn it back on, send the message, turn it back off, and put it away, just in time. One of the guys knocks on the door. "Hana?" I really need to learn to tell the difference between their voices.

"Yes?"

"You can have your medicine again. Do you want it?"

I get up off the floor. I don't _want_ it, but after the last half hour or so with the two of them, I _need_ it.

* * *

It just so happens that Eli's turn is after Nick's, so when Nick leaves, I struggle with what to do. I find it impossible to sleep when it is just Nick's or Eli's turn to be with me, and for some reason, the guys are scheduled back to back this time. I'd love to catch a nap right now, but… knowing Eli's in the other room is enough to make me toss and turn restlessly.

After the way he yelled at Nick in the Pit, I know there is no point in asking him if I can leave the apartment. I punch my pillow and try one more position to see if I can fall asleep.

I can't.

I feel trapped in my room, but if I go out in the living area, I'm stuck with Eli, and I'm really not sure what I'm going to do with him in the room. Last time it was his turn, I got lucky and Leeann stayed too. With her there, I was able to get to sleep. I get out of bed, intending to check my tablet, but I realize this is pointless; I just checked it and chances are Natalie hasn't even seen the message yet.

I realize I'm pacing the room. This is ridiculous. I open the door and head for the table. I can play a card game if nothing else.

"I thought you were tired." Eli's voice startles me.

"Can't sleep." I shrug. "What to play a game?" I hold up the deck of cards.

"Think you're up to it?" Eli sounds concerned.

I mentally shake my head at him. "I'm fine, Eli."

He stands up from his spot on the couch and joins me at the table.

I suggest a two person game I'm decent at, and Eli agrees.

"So, Nick's been protecting you?" he asks as he picks up his cards.

"Yes, he and Jazz have been working with me on fighting, too."

Eli nods and plays a card. "So, what do you think of Nick?"

I look over my cards and play the next one. "I think Nick isn't as good at teaching as Jazz is, but I appreciate his help."

Eli shakes his head at me. "Don't play dumb." He sets down a card and draws another one. "I don't mean his fighting or teaching skills."

"I'm not trying to play dumb." I take the discarded card and put down one of my own. "The last thing I had said was about Nick and Jazz helping me. So what did you mean?"

Eli sighs heavily. "Do you _like_ my cousin?"

"What?"

"You heard me." Eli sets all his cards face down on the table and focuses his attention on me. "Recently you two have been awfully chummy. So, I want to know what is _really_ going on between the two of you."

I stare at Eli, dumbfounded wondering how he drew that conclusion. "What is really going on is that Nick found out Jude had threatened me to stay away from you. He offered to help protect me. I told him not to because…" I look Eli in the eye. I think I started telling him this before Leeann arrived at the infirmary, didn't I? "What was going on between Jude and I was more than just her thinking I was after you. I saw her beat up a boy from Candor when I was in Mid-levels. She would have been after me no matter what."

"And…"

"And, Nick told me he wasn't giving me an option. He also made it very clear to me that he doesn't date and not to get any signals crossed on what might happen. I told him I don't date 'Dauntless style' and not to worry about it."

Eli studies me for a long moment. "Has anything changed?"

"What?"

"Have your feelings about Nick, or his feelings about you, changed?"

I look Eli straight in the eye. "Nick and I agreed we are friends. We're _just_ friends." I'm quiet for a moment then take a deep breath and finish what I need to say to him. "Besides, Kelly likes Nick. There's no way I would date someone my friend likes."

Eli studies me for a moment and picks his cards back up. He plays the next card and the conversation, odd as it was, is over.

* * *

By far, that second day, when people start realizing I can't sit there and do nothing all day, the most fun I have is with Tori. I tell Tori the idea of a fake tattoo as a prank on Leeann. She jumps, literally _jumps,_ at the chance. "Come on!" She tries to keep her voice soft, and she succeeds a little better than Nick and Eli did in the Pit. She grabs my hand and helps me off the chair. "Let's go see what we can figure out."

She holds onto me as we walk through the Pit and takes me to her apartment. "What do you want?" she asks, when we sit at her kitchen table. She has a sheet of paper in front of her to draw what I want.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about that." We're both quiet for a minute, thinking. "What do _you_ have?"

Tori laughs. "How do you know I have one?"

"You work at the tattoo parlor, how can you _not_ have one?"

Tori's hair has grown from the chin length bob she had when we chose Dauntless. It now covers her neck and is starting its descent down her back. She pulls her straight, black hair away from the back of her neck and turns around so I can see the red eye that belongs to the black and white hawk that now appears there.

"Why a hawk?"

Tori lets her hair down and turns to face me. "Back in Erudite Summer School…"

"You had to go to school during the summer?"

"Of course! Erudite are all about learning." She twirls the pencil in her fingers. "What did you do?"

I laugh. "Service projects."

"So why are you surprised I went to summer school?"

"Good point. So, the hawk?" I prompt her.

"When we did the…" Tori swallows hard, "when we did the last fear simulation…"

I nod. She doesn't need to say anything else. I realize immediately that she's talking about Jeanine's fear serum. The last one, the one _none_ of us talk about.

"Mine was fear of the dark."

It's the first time I've heard any of us say what our fear was.

"We learned in Erudite that a long time ago, the hawk was a symbol of the sun. After that simulation…" Tori takes a deep breath. "I wanted to know I'd always have the sun on me."

I nod, trying to think if there is anything she could draw to help me with my fear of what is beyond the Amity fence. I can't think of anything for that.

Tori suddenly laughs. "What about Nick or Eli's name?"

I shake my head slowly so I don't bring on a headache. "I don't want Leeann to kill me."

"I don't think she'd _kill_ you…"

"Okay, let's try this. Kelly has a crush on Nick. I don't want to upset her by doing Nick's name. The problem with Jude started because she thought I was trying to take Eli from her. She may not hang around us anymore, but if she saw that…"

"She might decide to finish you off." Tori sighs. "Point taken."

We both think some more.

"What were you afraid of?"

I bite my lower lip. Tori told me her biggest fear. I should tell her mine. "Whatever is past the Amity fence."

Tori whistles. "Don't know how to help you there."

"During the first simulations, I used to have nightmares about fire," I offer.

"What gets rid of fire?" Tori grins.

"Water."

"What about a simple line drawing of the water in the Chasm? It's believable that, coming from Abnegation, the tattoo would be simple."

"Where should we put it?" I ask.

Tori thinks for a moment. "Inside of your left forearm, above the wrist."

I raise my eyebrows questioningly at her.

"It has some cushion under it, so if it was real it wouldn't be too painful. You wear a lot of long sleeved shirts, so we can cover it up and say it's a couple days older than it is, to explain the healing."

A smile creeps over my lips. "Let's do it."

Tori nods. "Come on to the shop."

"Aren't you going to draw it?" I point to remind her of the paper and pencils she brought out for this.

Tori shakes her head. "We're just going to do about five wavy lines. No biggie." A smiles quickly grows on Tori's face. "Tell you what, I'll even let you do some of them."

"Are you crazy?"

"Maybe, but it isn't real, so if you make a mistake," Tori shrugs, her smile still in place, "does it really matter?"

I look at her for a minute. "Guess not."

"I have just one condition on doing this."

1"What's that?" I ask her warily.

"If you ever get a real tattoo, you let me do it."

* * *

After Tori's turn it's Kelly's turn. No one else is around, and for that I am grateful. Ever since my conversation with Eli, I've felt that I need to talk to Kelly, but I really don't want anyone else around for the conversation.

"Kelly…"

"Do you need something?" Her voice is soft.

I shake my head, and then wince. It's close to time for my pain killers. That wasn't a good idea.

"Are you sure?" she smiles as she asks.

"I need to remember not to shake my head, but you can't help me with that!"

Kelly laughs softly.

"You know I'm not after Nick, right?" I blurt out. I really meant to lead up to that statement, not just spout it out.

She looks at me funny. "Why would you ask me that?"

I sigh. "Eli asked me if Nick and I were interested in each other. I was afraid that if he's gotten that impression, that you might have, too."

Kelly smiles at me; it's a small, sad, smile. "Nick was protecting you, the same way he did me. Eli asked me that question, too. The difference is… I really _do_ like Nick, and you…" She looks at me seriously. "You, I'm not sure of, but Hana, if I was going to lose Nick to anyone, I would want it to be you. You'd be good for him."

"Kelly, I'm not… I couldn't… I wouldn't…" I wish I knew how to finish the sentence without sounding like a complete Abnegation.

Kelly nods. "I know, but if something ever happened, and you did, I'd figure out how to deal with it."

* * *

This morning, the morning of my follow up appointment, I am determined to make sure my friends know I'm doing better. I go through the breakfast line and pick up my own breakfast. I ignore the dull ache that lingers in my head in order to go without taking medicine this morning, to help convince them I'm feeling better.

I walk over to the table and wink at Tori as I set down my tray. She smiles back and nods, ever so slightly. I give a quick tug to my left sleeve, then to my right sleeve, before I sit down. The white bandage Tori put over our project yesterday can now be seen.

"What did she do to your wrist?" Leeann's voice is horrified.

Everyone turns to stare at me. I fight the huge smile I feel threatening me from the inside. This is going to be even better than Tori and I planned.

"Nothing." I edge my shirt back down like I'm trying to cover it.

"Hana!" Leeann's voice is disbelieving.

Bekah looks at me strangely. I suddenly realize we should have let her in on what is going on. She was my admitting nurse, and she's well aware I didn't have an injury, or a new tattoo, on my arm when I checked in.

I sigh heavily. "Jude didn't do anything."

"Hana." this time it's Eli's voice, low and filled with concern.

"Jude didn't do it." I can hear the pride in Tori's voice. "I did it."

"You hurt her?" Eli's hand clenches.

I try hard not to laugh. "I told her to."

"Why?" Nick's voice is suspicious. I think he has an idea of what is under the bandage.

Tori smiles. "Pull off the bandage. I want to check on it anyway."

I slowly peel the tape off the edge of the gauze bandage and lean over the table to let Tori "check" it.

"It's looking really good." She smiles. "No infection."

Suddenly, the whole table is interested in nothing but my arm.

"Hana's got a tattoo!" Abilyn announces unnecessarily.

"What is that?" Eli asks, his fingers tracing the pattern out on the table top.

"River," I answer vaguely.

"When did you get it?" Bekah asks suspiciously.

Yeah, we _really_ should have let Bekah in on the prank.

Tori is sitting next to Bekah. I shrug and look at the tattoo. I twist my wrist a couple of times, showing it off and hoping that it will be enough of a distraction that everyone will look at me and Tori can signal something to Bekah. "Couple of days ago." I don't dare look at Bekah right now.

"Wow." Angie sounds impressed.

Kelly shudders a little. "I don't know how you could do that."

"Didn't know you had it in you, Stiff!" Eli has a touch of humor in his voice.

Rais leans over from his spot at the end of the table. "That looks pretty simple for you, Tori."

Tori shrugs. "That's what she wanted."

Rais looks from Tori to me. "Hmmm," he touches the tattoo on my wrist. He pulls and pushes just a little on the skin.

"Hey!" I try to jerk it away in protest, but it's too late.

Rais grins. "Pretty good."

"What?" Leeann stops after the one word.

"It's not a tattoo. You just used your ink on her. It's not permanent, is it?

Well, it didn't end quite the way Tori and I had planned, but we both start laughing.

"What's going on here?" Eli looks at me, then Tori, then Rais.

"We were bored yesterday," I start, when my laughter has died down enough that I can speak.

"What gave it away?" Tori asks Rais.

He shrugs. "It just made sense. Hana was injured a couple of days ago. If you had done it before she was injured, Bekah would have seen it when Hana was in the infirmary. You guys didn't let Hana go _anywhere_ the first day, and it is way too healed to have been done yesterday."

When he says it like that, we shouldn't have bothered trying. Or we should have thought far enough ahead to have brought Bekah in on the joke.

Leeann shakes her head at me. "You got us. You and Tori did a great job; now hurry up and eat. I've cleared it with Ava to come in late so I can go with you to your appointment, but we still need to make it there on time."

* * *

"You know, it's funny," Leeann confides in me on the way to the infirmary. "I think part of the reason I believed you had a tattoo is that Natalie has a couple."

That piece of information surprises me. Natalie has a real tattoo? I've seen her use fake ones to help her fade into the background here in Dauntless, but a real one?

I feel like I need to say something, so I mutter, "She'll stand out with those in Abnegation."

Leeann smiles, "Probably not. They're on her back. One of them stretches from just under her arm to her spine. It's a phoenix coming up from the ashes. It's by far one of the coolest tattoos I've ever seen, and it was almost always completely covered up. She has a couple of other, smaller ones, but they aren't nearly as impressive as the phoenix."

We enter the infirmary just as Leeann finishes telling me that. I make a mental note to ask Natalie about it one of these days.

"Doctor Caroline just got here," the nurse on duty informs us as we walk in. "Let me take you right to her."

Leeann follows me back to the room where Doctor Caroline saw me the last time. I avoid the bed and sit instead on one of the chairs.

Doctor Caroline walks in shortly after we do. Her blue coat flaps open, and I realize that I missed the fact that she's pregnant when she saw me the first time. "So, how do you feel, Hana?"

"Better." I smile at her. "My stomach hasn't been upset since the first day, and the dizziness is gone."

"Headache?" Doctor Caroline asks.

I take a deep breath and look at Leeann. I'd be much more willing to tell the truth if she wasn't sitting there. "Off and on." I decide the truth is the way to go. "But usually there is a reason for it, a loud noise, for example."

Doctor Caroline nods and gets the small flashlight out of her pocket again. "Let me check your eyes." She starts performing the same checks she did last time. When she puts the flashlight away, she smiles. "Much better. Okay," she picks up a chart and looks at it, "you work in the control room, right?"

I nod.

"You can go back to work, half days, starting tomorrow, for a week. I don't want you to get eye strain; that will make your headache worse. If your headaches are better, you can go to full time after that. If they get worse, make a follow up appointment with me. Nothing too…" she pauses, looking for the right word, "Dauntless, for the next month." She starts making marks on my chart. "You don't want to hit your head again." She closes up the chart. "Any questions?"

I smile. "Are you having a boy or a girl?"

Doctor Caroline looks surprised by the question. "Don't know yet. I'm not quite far enough along. How could you tell I was pregnant?"

I shrug. "When your coat came open, I could see the strain on your clothes."

"She's pretty observant," Leeann comments.

Doctor Caroline nods. "Yes, she is."

"So, I can go?" I ask, standing up.

"Yes, you're clear to go."

"Thank you."

"Take care, Hana. I really hope I don't see you again."

"No offence, but I hope I don't see you again, either!"


	34. Chapter 34- Explanations

**Carly: One of Hana's coworkers in the control room. Natalie has identified her as being Divergent**

**Micah: (Mentioned) Carly's husband**

**Nick: Leeann's brother**

**Eli: Leeann's cousin**

**Jude: Eli's ex- girlfriend**

**Bekah: (Mentioned) One of Hana's roommates, also a Dauntless Nurse**

**Rais: (Mentioned) friend of Nick and Eli's, Amar's dad**

**Abilyn: (Mentioned) Former Candor, one of Hana's roommates**

**Of course I want to thank the amazing Bahrfamily for her time and expertise again in Beta-reading this chapter. **

**34 Explanation**

"Looks like your escorts are here!" Carly smiles and takes her first bite of cake. "They're getting pretty good at timing this."

I don't want to look back, but I want to know. "Both of them?"

Carly nods. "Both of them."

I groan. "Why won't they leave me alone?"

"Hey, it could be worse. At least they're cute!"

I roll my eyes at Carly.

She smiles at me and shrugs. "I've been wondering though," she drops her voice, "why both of them have been stalking you for the last few weeks? I mean, if it was just one or the other, I'd say they were interested in you, but both of them? I don't think either of them would go after a girl they thought the other was interested in."

Carly _would_ ask that question.

I steal a quick glance to see if I can figure out where the guys are. It's been almost a month since Jude attacked me, and they've tried different approaches since then. In the end, they all end up the same. By the time I'm walking home, whether it's from the control room, or from having cake with Carly, at least one of them is walking with me. Right now, they each are grabbing a piece of cake. I've decided this is their favorite way to handle it: to "accidently" running into Carly and I in the cafeteria.

"Jude," I say quickly and quietly, trying to get the story out before they join us at the table. "Eli's ex-girlfriend."

Carly nods that she knows who Jude is.

"She decided that I was after Eli, before they broke up. She threatened me. Eli broke up with her, and they are worried that if she decides I'm the reason why, that she'll try something."

Carly's eyes narrow. "Hana, there's been a rumor that Jude caused your concussion and that's why Eli broke up with her."

She would mention that when they guys are headed to our table. I know it's not really a question, but I can tell she's looking for confirmation or denial. Why couldn't this be one of the times where they eat their cake by the door and catch me on the way out?

"There could be some truth to that rumor."

"They're afraid she might do something else." Carly sums it up.

I nod.

"Well, I need to get home," Carly says loudly as she stands up, holding her half-eaten piece of cake. I realize that means the guys are here, and she's not sticking around to help me. "Micah will be wondering what happened to me if I don't get home soon. Bye, Hana, Nick, Eli." She gives me a little wave and a wink.

* * *

Meeting Natalie has suddenly become trickier, with the guys walking me home. She and I finally set up a meeting in her old room for one morning when I'll be off work from the overnight shift, but Nick and Eli will both be at work.

As usual, Natalie beats me there. She's sprawled out on the bed, flipping through a book.

"Good morning!" I call out to her after I close the door.

"How do you feel?" Natalie closes the book and sits up.

"Better. My headache is gone. Now if Nick and Eli would just let me walk around the compound by myself, life would be perfect." I sit down on the bed across from Natalie.

"I know Nick will stick pretty tight when he thinks you're in danger from Jude, but Eli…" she shrugs. "Guess I never thought about what he would do when he was finally confronted with the truth."

"He feels responsible, but he's not."

Natalie's eye brows shoot up. "Why don't you think he's responsible?"

"Remember that Candor boy I saw getting beaten up?"

Natalie's green eyes cloud over with the memory. She nods.

"It turns out Jude was dressed up as Factionless. She's the one who did it."

I hear Natalie whistle. "So you think it had more to do with the fact you could ID her as the attacker."

I nod. "I think so."

"I don't." Natalie's voice is colder than I expected. "I think she was afraid of losing Eli. You aren't the first person she's accused of trying to take him from her."

I remember, then, that they told me Jude had threated Natalie too. "I know, but … I think the fact that I had something on her, made her even more concerned, and crazier, when I was involved." I flip my left arm over and start tracing the remnants of the "tattoo" Tori gave me when I was recovering. It's become a bit of a habit. Every once in a while, I think about having her do it for real, but I haven't decided yet. I'm not sure what's holding me back from making the decision, except maybe wondering how my parents will react when they see it on Visiting Day. The ink has faded, but it still looks good just a much lighter blue than it started out.

"What did you do?!" Natalie's question reverberates in the air.

"What?"

She grabs my left arm. "What _is_ this?"

I try not to laugh at her. Evidently she's forgotten about the fake tattoo prank we discussed. "You like it?"

"No! I mean, it's nice, but…" She runs a hand through her hair. "I should have asked you not to get a tattoo. At least one that isn't easy to cover up."

"What's wrong?" I'm genuinely puzzled by this turn in the conversation.

Natalie starts absent-mindedly pulling her hair into a ponytail and twisting it like she's putting in her bun. Then she lets it fall to her shoulders and starts all over again. "I should have said something to you," she finally answers me after the third time she drops the bun. "I was going to see if you could come on a field trip with me."

"A field trip?"

"I need a look out in Amity, but…that's going to attract attention."

"When?"

Natalie looks at me oddly. "Next month, but..."

"Tori says it should be worn off in another four or five days. It's lightened quite a bit since she did it."

"It should be gone?" Natalie sounds puzzled, but then suddenly she must remember the prank, because her green eyes sparkle. She laughs; the sound is light and airy. "Oh, my goodness! I totally forgot about the fake tattoo! Did they buy it?"

"Everyone but Bekah and Rais. We did it the second day after Jude…" I let the sentence dangle, not wanting to really bring that up again. "Bekah realized I didn't come in with it that night. Rais, he figured it out pretty quickly, but it was fun while it lasted!"

"I bet." Natalie looks me up and down. "So, what do you think of visiting Amity?"

* * *

There is something off about Angie, I decide at dinner about a week later. Actually, it's her and Rob both that seems a little different. I look over at them. Angie is fidgeting more than usual, and Rob… Rob looks like he's trying to swallow a smile. They both avoid looking at each other.

I can feel my eyes narrow as I look over each of them, trying to figure out what's going on.

"What's wrong?" Nick leans over and quietly asks me.

I shake my head. "I'm not sure, but I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out."

Nick smiles and shakes his head at me. He's starting to figure out that I see things that everyone else seems to miss. We talked about it once, when it was just Nick who walked me back to the apartment. I explained to him that, in Abnegation, you watch other people to see what they need. When you aren't a natural Abnegation, they drill being observant into you.

Suddenly, I find what I am looking for, and I understand why both of them are acting that way. "Congratulations!" I smile at the two of them.

Angie jumps in her seat. "What?"

I reach over and pull her left hand towards me so everyone can see her new black ring. There's a swirl on each side of the small black stone perched in the middle.

Rob's smile breaks out.

Leeann's head swivels toward us. "When did this happen?"

Angie laughs. "About two hours ago. We wanted to see how long it would take for anyone to notice it, and who would call us out first."

Leeann looks from Angie to me and back again. She smiles and mutters to herself, "Well, I guess that makes that decision for me."

* * *

A couple weeks later, Carly and I are on overnights together. I've discovered that, although Nick and Eli feel the need for at least one of them to walk me to work, they are willing to drop my off at the cafeteria if I'm meeting Carly there for cake before work. I'm grateful that Carly is willing to meet me for cake before work most nights so I can get a break from the guys. Of course, one or both of them will be at the control room to walk me to breakfast. It doesn't make sense to me, but the compromise seems to work for all of us.

I only have three days left before I change to day shift when we sit down and the unexpected happens.

"Can I talk to you?" Jude's voice is soft, gentle and hesitant. It seems out of place coming from her mouth. I look up at her, startled. She not only _sounds_ different, she _looks_ different. Her sunset hair is no longer the eye-catching beauty it was when I first met her. Over the almost two months since she attacked me, she has stopped dying it. The two inches closest to her scalp are now just blonde. Her blue eyes are no longer bright and captivating, but watery. "Alone?" She looks pointedly at Carly.

"You can talk to me, but not alone," I answer her evenly. "Your choice: Carly can stay, or we can do it another time with Nick." I decide in an instant that if I'm going to talk to Jude, I'd rather have Nick with me than Eli.

Jude sighs loudly and sits down next to Carly.

I'm glad Carly is here, but I'd rather have Abilyn. She's better at reading people than anyone else I know. Jude is known for lying and getting away with it, so I'm not sure how much I can trust anything she says, even if I had my human lie detector here.

Jude clears her throat and starts. Her voice is clear and impassioned. "It's not an excuse. I'm not trying to say it's an excuse, it's just…" she takes a deep breath. "I want to tell you my story. So you can understand where I'm coming from."

I cross my arms on the table and lean in. "Go on."

"My last year in Mid-Levels, my dad jumped from a train, and he was injured, it was bad," Jude starts, and swallows hard.

Without meaning to, my gaze shifts to Carly. She sees my gaze and nods almost imperceptibly. Maybe Carly _is_ a good one to have around. She's from Dauntless too, and has known Jude forever. She'll know if what Jude is telling me happened or not.

"He got to stay around Dauntless for about a year while they tried to figure out how badly he was injured and if he'd be able to return to work." Her eyes cloud over. It's the first time in a long time, maybe in forever, that I've thought I'm seeing the real Jude, the person she tries to hide from everyone. And then in a flash it's gone, and she continues on her story. "When he wasn't able to, they sent him away."

I'm not sure what to say to that. What do you say? I'm sorry that your father got hurt and kicked out of the faction. That stinks! It hardly seems enough.

"At first," Jude continues, her blue eyes focused on something beyond me, "I was pretty upset. It was like my dad was dead. Eli remembered how hard it was on Leeann and Nick when their mom died and…" she shrugs, "he took me under his wing like he did them. I think that's part of the reason I got so possessive about him."

"My mother had this great idea." Jude spits it out like the sentence is poison. "I really thought it was a good idea, at first. She got a hold of some clothes that were going to the Factionless. I believe it was a red hoodie about three sizes too big for me, a pair of blue jeans closer to my size that had a white patch at the knee, and a gray t-shirt to wear under the hoodie." She smiles. "When I dressed in them, I could go see my dad."

Carly's eyes are big. I'm guessing she didn't know about that. Suddenly, I have a feeling that I already know where this part of the story is going.

"I used to visit him every Saturday. It was the best day of the week." Her eyes suddenly snap with anger. "Until I found out that the main reason she was encouraging me to spend the day with my dad was because she had a boyfriend here in Dauntless. That morning…" her voice trails off and I nod. She's talking about the morning she beat up the Candor boy. "That was the day after I found out. I was so mad at her. By then, I had a couple of different sets of factionless clothes that I could wear to see him, you know for different weather…"

I nod. I don't want to speak and interrupt her story.

"I was so mad that morning. Mad at my mom. Mad because I couldn't find Dad. Mad because I was going to have to leave and go to school without seeing him. That Candor boy was walking through the edge of the Factionless sector. I don't know how, but evidently he had seen me there with my dad before. He knew I wasn't Factionless. He made a couple of comments about it, and all I could see was red. I didn't even realize what I had done until I ran away…"

We're all quiet. My head spins, trying to take in her story. The Candor boy was just being a Candor. He was saying what he thought was the truth. Even if it isn't right, they'll say what they think the truth is, with no thought of what it could do to a person.

"When I saw you again, it brought so much of the pain back, and Eli was friendly towards you." Her voice drops. "I was afraid of losing him. He's been the only stable thing I've had since Dad left. I was just so afraid of losing him."

I nod. I can see why she would feel that way.

"I want you to forgive me for what I did to you. You have to forgive me for what I did," Jude's voice is pleading. Her blue eyes fill with what I would consider to be tears, if they belonged to anyone else. "I can't take the guilt…I _need_ you to forgive me. Please." Her face is open, honest, desperate… then suddenly, for the briefest of moments, the mask slips, and I see the real Jude, hard blue eyes, stony face. The Jude I know. And then suddenly, it's gone again. Her face is back to the childlike, open face that makes you _want_ to trust her. The moment of the other face was so short, I'm not sure I didn't imagine it.

I take a deep breath. "I was raised Abnegation, so, you're right, I _do_ have to forgive you."

Jude eyes brighten with relief and she starts to smile.

"But," I hold up my hand to stop her. My eyes hold hers. I want her to realize I'm serious. "I'm Dauntless now, so don't expect me to forget."

**So I've already had someone (in a PM) express concern about the possibility Hana forgiving Jude. I am a firm believer in forgiving others. I have learned in my life that when you don't forgive someone else it eats you up inside. That not forgiving people can actually be worse for you than it is for them.**

**I understood Tris not forgiving Al during Divergent. After all, the attack had just happened, and she was still injured from it. If Jude had asked Hana to forgive her at the same time she asked Angie and Kelly to forgive her (the day after the attack) Hana wouldn't have been ready/able to forgive her at that time. **

**We are now about a month and a half after the attack. Hana's had enough time pass to be able to make the decision to forgive.**

**But I also agree with Hana that even when you forgive someone there are things you don't forget.**


	35. Chapter 35-Field Trip

**Isaac: Hana's younger brother. (He's George's age)**

**Gayle: Hana's older sister**

**Jillian: (Mentioned) Gayle's daughter, just over a year old.**

**Nick: Leeann's older brother, Hana's protector from Jude**

**Leeann: Hana's best friend**

**Taylor and Abram: Leeann's and Nick's aunt and uncle**

**Eli: (Mentioned) Taylor and Abram's son.**

**Out of curiosity, do I need to include Leeann, Nick and Eli in the cast of characters when they appear? They are fairly major characters and are in most chapters. You can PM me or leave a review letting me know if it is helpful to have them included or not. If you don't tell me, I'm going to assume you know who they are and stop putting them in, so if you want them included please let me know! **

**Chapter 35 Field Trip**

Natalie and I meet in the Crevice room, as planned, for our trip to Amity. She is already dressed in a yellow t-shirt and red jeans, with her dusty blonde hair in a ponytail. I hold out both wrists to Natalie and grin. "See, it's gone."

Natalie laughs and hands me a new key. "This one will get you into any door in the city, except for one at my new place."

I point to the door behind her, the one she said, not even the Dauntless leaders have a key to.

"If you're going to leave the compound for me, you need to be able to slip in and out. Go ahead, try it," she encourages me.

I lead the way to the door and slip the key in the keyhole. Just like she promised, the door opens. I feel like a kid about to get caught with her hand in the cookie jar, when I step through the open door.

It's not what I expected. It opens up into a small room. Beyond the room, there's a tunnel, not carved out of the rock like most of Dauntless. This one is smooth with cement. The room has a bench and five lockers against one wall. Each locker is thin and slightly taller than me. They are each a different color. The first one is solid black. The second one is gray, the third one is black with white stripes, the fourth one is blue and the last one is red with yellow dots.

Automatically, I open the black one first. There is one Dauntless outfit inside of it. I move over to the gray locker. Inside are two identical Abnegation outfits. The only difference is the size.

"Check out the red and yellow one," Natalie says softly.

Inside the red and yellow locker is a pair of red overalls with embroidered yellow flowers on one pant leg, and a yellow t-shirt with red flowers embroidered on the opposite sleeve. I look questioningly at Natalie. "I've already put mine on. Try it out for size. If you'll give me your bag, I'll switch it to Amity while you change." Natalie sits on the bench with her back toward me flipping my black Dauntless bag to the red bag with yellow lining of Amity, while I change into the Amity clothes. "You'll find a set of lockers outside of each faction. There's a set of clothes for you in each one, except there's no Dauntless outfit for you here. This is your home faction. You'll always need to make sure the outfit you wear when you leave is the outfit you wear when you come back. Try to always change here. If something happens and you can't, there are back up outfits at each Faction."

* * *

I look funny in red and yellow. At least, I think I do.

"You don't belong in Amity," Natalie says with a smile, "but you sure look like you do!"

I shake my head. I've never worn actual colors before, just gray and black.

"Let's go." Natalie turns on her flashlight and steps into the cement tunnel. "See the lines?" She points out lines on the tunnel wall that are black, white, blue, red, and gray. Every once in a while, they have two lines that come out of them like the points of an arrow.

"Yes." My voice is hushed. The tunnel is quiet. It's one of those places where the quiet makes it hard to talk.

Natalie laughs. "You can talk freely here. No one can hear you."

I try to smile.

"Those lines tell you how to get to each faction."

I look at the lines again and nod. The hash marks on the black line point back to Dauntless.

"They will help you find your way to wherever you need to go."

We get to an intersection of tunnels. The tunnels all have tracks in them. There is a small cart on one of the tracks. It has four seats in it, two in the front and two in the back. By one of the seats in the front, there is a steering wheel and some levers. Natalie jumps on and takes the seat with the steering wheel.

"Come on. It would take us forever to walk to Amity. This is perfectly safe and much faster."

Cautiously, I step in and take the seat next to her. As soon as I sit down, she takes the lever and throws it forward. The cart takes off. It's not as fast as the train, or even the bus, but I can feel the wind its motion creates on my face.

"I'll teach you how this works another time. It's an electric cart that was designed when they created the city. Before I got here, it hadn't been used in a generation or two, but this whole tunnel system was created so that people from the Bur..." her voice suddenly cuts off, then she starts again. "People from outside the fence can get around unseen if they need to." At the next intersection of tunnels, she follows the change of direction on the red and yellow line and we head down a different tunnel.

"Why electric? Can't the Erudite track it on the electric grid?"

Natalie smiles. "Good thinking, but no. This actually runs off a separate grid from outside the fence. The people outside the fence know when I'm using it, but the Erudite don't see it."

I nod. It's a good plan to have it tied to the outside.

"Settle in." Natalie fusses with the lever and we go a little faster. "Amity is always the longest trip."

* * *

When we are almost to Amity, Natalie starts filling me in. "I'm meeting with someone from the other side of the fence. I need to get something from him. I'll be just beyond the orchard. Right now, they are pruning the orchard, so it's a little dangerous to meet with him. I need you to watch what is happening in the orchard and warn me if someone starts heading our direction." Natalie pulls a small whistle out of her pocket. "If someone starts heading towards us, blow on this." She hands it to me. "It sounds like a bird call. In the orchard, it won't seem out of place."

I take the whistle from her hand and put it in my pocket.

* * *

"Why do you need so much serum?" A deep voice, a man's voice, floats on the air to me.

"Because I may need to convince them to pick the right people from my class for the councilor positions." Natalie's voice is sharp.

"Since you're in Abnegation, David wants that to be _you_, at least until you come home."

"That's not going to happen." Natalie sounds firm.

"Which?"

"Either."

"First, I'm _not_ going to be the one who tells David you're not coming back," the voice is determined. "Second, if you don't want to be a council member, then why didn't you go to Erudite like you were supposed to?" The man's voice turns curious.

"I'm not smart enough for Erudite." Her voice is frustrated, like this is a conversation she's repeating for the millionth time.

"That didn't matter. David would have taken care of that for you."

"That's not the right thing to do." Natalie's voice is starting to get louder.

They move away from my post and I can't hear them anymore. From my perch up in an apple tree, I keep watch on the Amity cheerfully climbing up and down ladders and creating piles of discarded limbs. No one pays attention to me, even though I am several trees away from everyone else and not getting a lot of work done.

Natalie and the man's voice float up to me again. "Alan, I can't be a council member. I know everything. They _know_ I know everything. It's just not a good idea."

"So who are you going to suggest, and why do you need the memory serum to do it?"

Natalie lets out a loud sigh. "I'm tempted tell you, and then use it on you!"

I hear Alan chuckle. "I won't tell. I'd just kind of like to know why I made all of this up for you."

"Andrew Prior is going to be my suggestion. If I have to go into the whys, I want to be able to have them forget what I told them after their vote, that's all."

I see the Amity move ladders from trees and move closer to where I am. Natalie had told me to let her know when they were within four rows from me. I blow on the whistle. It's a shrill bird call. I can see a few Amity in the trees shield their eyes and look for the bird. I quickly look over my shoulder and see Natalie headed towards me. The bag slung over her shoulder looks heavier than before. She sees me and waves me down from the tree. I climb down and join her at our meeting point by the greenhouse filled with peanuts that we arrived beneath.

When we are both inside, Natalie stands at the center of the front door. "Okay, pay attention. This works in any of large green houses. There are one, two, three, four, five factions." She counts the planters of peanut plants as we walk down the center aisle, and then she turns to the left. "But, there are one, two, three, four, five, six options." She counts the planters that direction, too.

In front of the sixth one, she kneels down and moves the tile at the base.

"Six options?" I tilt my neck and look at her, puzzled.

"Factionless is always an option," she informs me, as she starts to climb back down to the tunnel.

* * *

The ride back to Dauntless is mostly silent. Natalie seems to be preoccupied by her conversation with Alan, and I'm too busy peering through the near darkness, trying to get my bearings through the lines that tell you how to get to each faction.

"I'm going to be busy pretty soon," Natalie breaks the silence shortly before I think we'll be back at Dauntless. "They've decided to have me watch selected Aptitude tests, and if Jeanine does her fear simulations with Dauntless, I'll have to watch _all_ of those."

I shudder at the thought.

"It will probably be after Initiation is over for the year before I need your help again." She pauses, then adds, "Unless there is an emergency."

"I'll keep checking my tablet in case there is."

"Perfect." Natalie stops the cart in front of Dauntless. "Until then, take care."

I smile. "You too."

* * *

Like most of us I grew up spending the first sixteen years of my life anticipating Choosing Day, and on this seventeenth year, since I don't have a family member or friend going through it, it is nothing. The excitement and mystery of the day is over. By Visiting Day, the excitement and energy is back, at least for those of us who are transfers. Will parents who didn't come last year, relent and come this year? Will the parents who came last year still care enough to come this year? It's an easier holiday to get Dauntless-born to work than, say, Feast Day, but a hard one to get the Transfers to work. Even I try to avoid working on Visiting Day. I manage to get the afternoon/evening shift, but at least that will give me most of the day with my family. Assuming I'm right, and they show up.

This time, Tori is the most relaxed one. Of course, it doesn't hurt that she honestly doesn't seem to care if her parents show up, and she's sure that George will be here, even if he has to ride the bus. The only thing that she's worried about is that Bud is making her work until one of her family members shows up at the tattoo parlor. She begs all of us to keep an eye out for George and deliver him to the tattoo parlor as soon as we see him.

The Pit is full of more color than you see on a typical day. The white on every Candor's outfit seems to stand out, along with the blue of the Erudite. Today, I notice more red and yellow than I did last year. I wonder if that means we have Amity transfers this year, or if I just didn't notice them last year.

Once again, I don't see much gray. Actually, I only see _one_ person in gray. I move in quickly, trying to see who it is. It's not who I expected: it's Isaac. He's talking to someone in blue. I immediately recognize George.

"So, I made sure to look for you in my classes." George's voice carries to me.

"And?" Isaac asks him.

"I didn't see you."

Isaac smiles an Abnegation smile. "Third period Biology, Ms. Ross."

George groans. "Really?"

I wait until Isaac nods. Then I walk up and exchange a nod with Isaac. "George."

George holds out his hand for me to shake. "Where's Tori?" He looks around.

I shake his hand. "She works at the tattoo parlor now," I tell him. "She has to work until someone from her family shows up. Let me show you where it is."

George and Isaac both follow me through the Pit. I want to ask Isaac where the rest of the family is, but it seems selfish to ask that while we are delivering George to his sister. Then again, I did leave Abnegation for a reason.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" I ask Isaac.

Isaac gives me an Abnegation smile. "They'll be here soon. Gayle will be, too, if she can find someone to watch Jillian."

I nod, trying to keep my disappointment from showing. I was hoping to see Jillian, too.

"Tori!" I call when we get to the tattoo parlor. "Guess who I found?"

Tori's head springs up from the back she is working on. "Georgie!"

George shakes his head. "George!"

Tori's laugh rings out. "Come on in and have a seat." She motions to George. "I'm free to go as soon as I finish this one."

George doesn't sit down, but walks over and stands next to his sister, inspecting her work. "So how does this work?"

"Well, the tip of the pen is actually a hollow needle…"

I look at Isaac, who nods. Neither of us wants to stand around and listen to an Erudite conversation on tattoos. It has never even crossed my mind to ask Tori how her tattoo needle works. We head back to the Pit.

"So what have you been up to?" Isaac immediately asks me. That's Abnegation for you.

"Watching you," I grin mischievously.

Isaac quirks his head and looks at me funny. "Watching me?"

I laugh. "Not really, but I have gotten to see you. I work in the control room. We keep an eye on all the cameras around town. Sometimes I see you on them," I explain to him. "What I didn't realize from the cameras is how tall you've gotten!"

Isaac stops and grins at me for just a second. "I think I'm now taller than my big sister."

I do seem to be looking him in the eyes. "Just remember, I'm Dauntless. I may be smaller than you, but now I can beat you up!"

"Hana!" Mom's reproving voice startles me. Somehow, I missed her when I was talking to Isaac.

"I wouldn't really hurt him, Mom."

Mom smiles at me. "Of course not, dear, but it's still not a polite thing to say."

This is Mom's way of telling me that I'm being selfish to tease my brother. It might make him uncomfortable.

"Where's Dad?" I ask Mom, after I've looked around and not spotted him.

Mom shakes her head. "Gayle couldn't find anyone to watch Jillian, so your father insisted that he could watch her and Gayle and I should both come here."

Suddenly, I realize Gayle is standing on my other side. I blink back a quick tear. "Gayle." I bow my head to her.

"Hana," she responds, with the same Abnegation nod.

"How's Jillian?"

"She's fine. She'll have a good time with Grandpa."

I feel a lump in my throat as I realize that even if I _were_ to meet someone here in Dauntless that I decided to risk dating, my children would never know the fun of spending time with my dad. Sometimes, I think I should have found a way to stay.

* * *

Isaac leaves us before lunch. He has volunteered to deliver supplies to the Factionless this afternoon, so he has to leave to get there on time.

Mom and Gayle pick the plainest food, except for the cake. I notice each of them take a slice of chocolate cake. I try to hide my smile. There is no "treat" in Abnegation, so having the Dauntless Cake is extra special for them.

Tori and George sit next to us. They speak to each other a mile a minute, often finishing each other's sentences. It makes me a little jealous to see them like that. Gayle and I were always close, for Abnegation siblings, but to see how close Tori and George are still after a year apart, makes me feel like Gayle and I have always been strangers.

Nick and Leeann join us, along with Taylor and Abram. It surprises me when Taylor and Mom strike up a conversation immediately. Guess they must remember each other from last year.

Gayle uses the distraction to lean into me and ask in a low voice, "Found a brother-in-law for me yet?" I notice that she quickly glances at Nick and then back at me.

"No." My voice is more forceful than I meant for it to be.

"Really?" Her voice is amused. "Someone's keeping an eye on you."

I sigh and nod. "I know." My mind quickly tries to decide how much I should tell Gayle about what has been going on here. "Do you remember that Candor boy I saw getting beaten up?"

"By the Factionless girl?"

I nod.

"Yes." Gayle's forehead puckers in v's. "Why?"

"It turns out that she wasn't Factionless. She's a member of Dauntless. Nick," I nod towards him, "found out she had threatened me, and he and his cousin, Eli," I feel my face start to heat up -why is it doing that? "have made it their jobs to keep an eye on me and make sure she doesn't try anything."

Gayle shakes her head at me. "That's one way to attract a good looking guy." She looks over at Nick.

"I'm not interested in Nick," I tell her forcefully. I've gotten in the habit of saying this often since any time it ends up being just Eli who walks me home, he asks me about me and Nick.

"And what about his cousin?" Gayle raises her eyebrows, challenging me.

I shake my head at her. "I'm in a different faction and you're still trying to play match maker." I quickly change the subject to avoid answering that question.

**Ok, next chapter is the chapter you have all been waiting for. S**_**omeone **_**is going to ask Hana out. Leave me a review or respond to the poll on my profile page as to who you think it is going to be. Is it a case of the "lady does protest too much"? Or is she avoiding answer that question because she **_**does**_** know what the answer is? **

**The results are pretty interesting. So far Eli's ahead on the reviews, but Nick's ahead on the poll!**

**I'd say I wonder, but… I know the answer. And after the next chapter you'll know too!**


	36. Chapter 36- An Unexpected Question

_**Bekah and Abilyn: Two of Hana's roommates**_

_**Angie and Kelly: (Mentioned) Two more of Hana's roommates**_

_**Jude: (Mentioned) Eli's ex-girlfriend**_

_**Tyson: (Mentioned) Hana's only date in Dauntless. (Not a good experience)**_

**Thank you as always to Bahrfamily who first read this chapter as a spoiler BEFORE I started publishing Dauntless Gray. Thank you for reading it, giving your option, rereading it, editing it, rereading it and re-editing it, again, and again and... most importantly for NOT letting me change who asks her the Unexpected Question…**

**The reviewers who responded on who Hana would end up with all said Eli. The poll on my profile was split evenly. I'm taking down the poll as soon as I finish posting this. Thank you to everyone who responded. It was interesting to see what everyone thought.**

**And thank all of you who have hung in there waiting to know the answer…**

**36 An Unexpected Question**

I stifle a yawn and pick up my breakfast tray. "I started the overnight shift last night," I excuse myself from the table. "It's bed time for me."

"Go right ahead and climb in bed," Bekah smiles. "Leeann had to be at a breakfast meeting; Angie is working breakfast and lunch. I'm headed straight to work."

Abilyn laughs. "Kelly's already at work, and I'm headed straight to work, too. No one will bother you from our side, either."

I yawn again and nod. "Sounds good."

"Night, night!" Nick calls to me as I walk away from the table.

My favorite shift is the overnight shift; it's just that the first few days after I move to it, I'm exhausted. Sometimes I wish they would just put me on it and leave me on it.

It doesn't take long to get back to our apartment. I slip off my shoes at the door. Leeann always teases me about that habit. Maybe it is a bit Abnegation of me, but I also hate shoes. So I leave them by the door, just out of the way.

I am making my way through the shared common area back to where we sleep when there is a knock on the door. I want to ignore it and keep heading to bed, but my Abnegation training wins out by reminding me that this would be selfish and rude. I turn back around to the door. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get over the things that were engrained into me as a child.

I don't know who I expect to see standing at the door. I just know it isn't Eli. I press my cheek into the edge of the door as I greet him. "Hi."

"Hi," he replies, as he plays with the ring in his mouth. Abilyn has privately informed me that this is a sure sign he is either nervous or thinking about something. "Look, I know you are trying to get to sleep, but…" he swallows hard. "Can I talk to you real quick, while no one else is around?"

I nod and open the door farther so he can come in.

He looks around the room almost like he's never seen it before. He walks to the couch and sits on the end of it closest to the recliner. I sit in the recliner, tucking my feet up under me.

"Hana, before I go any further, I want to check on one thing."

"Okay," I look over at him, "what do you want to check on?"

"You and Nick."

"What about Nick and me?" I ask, puzzled.

"Were you… _are_ you really interested in each other, or not?"

I stifle a groan. Not this _again_. I thought we had this cleared up already. "Nick and I are friends. That's all. He offered to help protect me when Jude…" I let my sentence trail off. We don't need to rehash Jude's threats and actions towards me.

He nods. "That's what I thought, but I had to check, I had to be _sure_ before…" He plays with his lip ring again, and then abruptly stops. "Because if you have any interest at all in Nick…"

"I don't." I assure him _again_.

"I didn't realize this was going to be this hard," he mutters. Suddenly, words I _never_ expected seem to spill from his lips. "Hana, you fascinate me. There is something about you that makes me want to get to know you better. I…I…" He takes a deep breath. "You and Leeann are friends, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that, or the fact that you and I are friends, so if you say no, there are no hard feelings."

I must look as puzzled as I feel.

"I'm messing this all up." He rubs his face with both hands.

My Abnegation smile comes out.

"What are you thinking?" he suddenly asks me.

I blink a couple times. "What?"

"When you smile that little smile, I always wonder what you're thinking."

"It's an Abnegation habit." I shrug. "It's supposed to put people more at ease."

Eli nods. "Usually it does, but today…"

"Why is today different?" I ask automatically.

"Because today I'm too nervous," he answers quickly.

Puzzled by his answer, I let the next questions tumble out. "Why are you nervous?"

"Because I want to ask you out, and I don't know how to do it." The look on his face when he realizes he said this out loud is priceless.

I take a deep breath, unsure of what to say. This is _Eli_, and if I'm honest with myself, I've wanted to hear him say this almost since I jumped the rail in the stairway. However, this is Eli, and I've seen _who_ he dates, and _the_ _way_ he dates. I'm not that kind of girl. I can't do that, not even for him. I just look at him for a moment.

"Look, I know that wasn't the best way to tell you. I just…" He takes a deep breath and starts over again. "Hana, you are different from anyone I've ever met. I find myself wanting to get to know you better. I know what you've seen of me and dating. That's _not_ what I have in mind for us."

"What do you have in mind?" My voice is soft, but hopeful. If we can find a way to do this, that I am comfortable with…

"That's the problem: I don't know for sure. I don't want you to change, and I've already heard the story of you and Tyson."

I find myself blushing at the mention of my one and only date in Dauntless.

"I know I… " Eli looks deep into my eyes, as if he's trying to burn this next statement into my brain. "When I heard about it, I wanted to strangle him. I couldn't believe he thought you would just…" Eli doesn't finish the sentence, and I'm glad. I really don't want to think about Tyson and what happened right now.

"So what are you thinking?" I say quickly, to steer the conversation away from Tyson.

"I don't know for sure. I know I want to spend time with you and get to know you better. After that," he shrugs, "I guess it depends on what happens when we get to know each other."

I nod slowly. What he's describing, I can probably handle.

We are both quiet, but it's a comfortable silence. Not at all awkward like it was on my date with Tyson.

"How do members of Abnegation date?" he surprises me by asking.

"Dating in Abnegation?" I laugh. "Compared to Dauntless, I'm not sure there _is_ such a thing. Usually, if a boy is interested, he finds a way to work on the same volunteer projects that she does. They get to know each other while they work side by side. After a while, her family -or if she's a transfer, her sponsor or friends- will invite him over for dinner so they can get to know him too." I shrug.

"Well, that won't exactly work." He smiles. "Dauntless don't volunteer, and we already eat most meals together." We are both quiet for a couple of minutes.

He breaks the silence by saying, "I guess I should start off by asking you if you're interested in getting to know me better, too."

I take a deep breath, but find out I can't speak, so I nod, then I find my voice. "I am."

Eli's wide grin breaks out on his face for the first time on since he walked in. "So I guess that just leaves us figuring out how we do that."

I nod.

"How long are you on night shift for?"

"Three weeks."

He plays with his lip ring while he thinks. "I can go in late, the day after tomorrow. Would anyone notice if you didn't come straight here after breakfast?"

"I doubt it."

"Then take a day to think about it. How would you want to do this? What would it look like for you? I'll do the same, and I'll meet you at the net after breakfast, the day after tomorrow, and we'll talk there." He stands up.

I stifle a yawn. "You could just come here," I say, as I stand up with him.

"I could," he agrees, "if that's what you want."

I think about it for a moment, but I realize that if we come back here, I'll be more tired than if I'm not at home. "No, I'm more likely to fall asleep here." I chuckle. "I'll meet you at the net."

We walk together to the door. "Hana," he pauses with his hand on the knob, "I know you aren't Jude. That's not what I'm looking for with you."

He opens the door and leaves before I can respond, closing the door behind him. I place my hand on the door and lean my forehead on it. I'm exhausted, but I think it will be awhile before I can sleep.

* * *

When I lay down, my sleep-muddled mind keeps replaying the conversation. I fascinate Eli. He fascinates me. He wants to get to know me better. I want to get to know him better. He doesn't want to take me to the Chasm and… My thoughts stop there for a moment. He wants me to be comfortable. What would make me comfortable with dating in Dauntless? I finally fall asleep without answering that question. I sleep through lunch and don't wake up until Leeann comes in. "Why are you still in bed?" she demands.

I blink myself awake and look at her. "What time is it?"

"Dinner time." She looks at her watch. "At least, it will be in about twenty minutes."

I spring out of bed. "I need to take a quick shower." I start looking for something to wear in my closet. Usually I just grab something, but today I find myself wondering what Eli will think of everything I pick out. I don't have time for this, but I want to look good for him. Inspiration hits me. "Leeann, can you pick something out for me while I'm in the shower?"

"Really?" She sounds excited by the prospect. She's offered to do that for me many times, and I've always turned her down.

"Really. I'm running late," I toss over my shoulder as an explanation while I head into the bathroom.

There's an outfit waiting for me when I get out of the shower. I look at it in surprise. They are my clothes, but I never would have thought to put them together. I dress in record time, but Leeann was already gone when I got out of the shower, so I walk to dinner alone.

I never dreamed it would be so hard just to make myself walk into the cafeteria. I wonder if he's there already. I wonder if I should sit by him. I wonder if I should ignore him. I wonder what I'll do if he isn't there. I wonder what I'll do if he _is_. It takes a deep breath and the sound of a crowd of people behind me to make me walk in.

There are two obvious seats for me to take at our table. One is beside Leeann. The other is beside Eli. Yesterday I would have sat by Leeann; today I want to sit by Eli.

I sit by Leeann, who sits across from Eli. Until Eli and I have a chance to talk, I figure it's best that I just keep things the way they normally are.

* * *

After I finish breakfast, I excuse myself and head towards the net. Eli left about five minutes before I did, so I'm assuming he'll be there waiting for me. I turn around once, to make sure that no one can see that I am not heading back to the apartment. No one I know is in sight, so I head straight to the net. I head straight to Eli. I'm nervous. I have a vague idea of what would make me comfortable in mind; I'm just not sure he'll go for it.

The darkness in the tunnel to the net isn't comforting. It makes me a bit jittery as I walk through it. It may be morning, but I'm completely underground here. There's no natural light, and the soft blue lighting is designed to not quite reach from one area to the next. I guess it is so that you must be brave to go this way.

I know today I have to be.

I pause when I almost reach the open space of the net. I take a deep breath and adjust my clothes to make sure everything is just right. I try to calm myself down by reminding myself, it's just Eli. Then I realize _that_ is a mistake. What is making me nervous is the fact that it _is_ just Eli, and we're here, alone, to talk about _dating,_ of all things.

I take a deep breath and force myself to walk through the last dark space to the net.

When I can see him, Eli is pacing by the net. Maybe he's as nervous as I am. Is it a good thing if he is?

He stops pacing as soon as he sees me and smiles. "I was hoping you wouldn't change your mind."

My Abnegation smile slips out as I shake my head.

"Look," he starts quickly. "I realized one big thing in the last day that we need to figure out." He looks at me and takes a deep breath. "Leeann's really your only friend here, isn't she? I mean…" he suddenly seems to be tripping over his words, "all of your friends are the same as hers, too."

I nod. "Except for Carly at work, and we don't do anything but eat cake together after work occasionally."

"Here's my concern." There's a quick pause while he plays with his lip ring. "If we try this, and we decide we're better off as friends, Leeann's going to feel like she has to pick sides. I don't want to make her do that."

I've also had the thought that if she ever felt like she had to pick sides, she'd pick him.

"So, here's the first thing I propose," Eli grins. "We don't tell them."

I think for a minute. "You think we can manage that?"

"I think it will be tricky, but I think we can manage it, at least for a while." Eli nods. "There are a few places around here that people don't go to often. This is one of them."

I look around and nod. "I think that is a good idea."

Eli looks relieved that I've agreed to this. "My next thought is…" He pauses and plays with his lip ring again. "You aren't used to… I mean, you've never…" He sighs, "You were Abnegation. I've obviously noticed you stiffen up any time someone touches you. No matter how innocent or accidental it is."

I shrug. "I'm not used to it."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable. So, I had thought, I mean, I figured we should clarify…" he runs a hand through his hair. "I've never had problems speaking to anyone like I do with you. Hana, I'm just going to say what I need to say. I don't want to embarrass you, or make you uncomfortable. If I do, let me know, and I'll apologize when I'm through."

I nod.

"In Dauntless things can get physical pretty fast. I know that's not what you're going to want, so any touching, you're going to have to start. I want you to be comfortable, so no matter how much I may want to, I'm not even going to hold your hand until you take mine."

His eyes hold mine. We just look at each other for a couple of minutes. This is more than I hoped for.

"_You_ set the pace on this. I want you to be comfortable with whatever we do. If this doesn't work out, I don't want you to be upset and unable to be around me because of something I've done."

I can't imagine feeling that way, but… I see his point. "I can handle that."

Eli looks relaxed for the first time since I came in here. "What thoughts do you have?"

I shrug. "I think you've already covered my biggest concerns."

"So…" There's vulnerability in his eyes. "Do you want to try this?"

I take a deep breath. I can't think of much I've ever wanted more. I nod.

Eli grins. "I know you've been up all night. How tired are you?"

"A little, but…" I tell myself to be honest and brave, to finish the sentence, "I'm good for an hour, if you don't have to run to work."

Eli grins even wider. "I was hoping to have some time with you."

**So for the record. If you know Allegiant, (Windchimed, you're excused from this. Anyone who spends 19 months of their life and writes over 300,000 words because they dislike a book that strongly isn't expected to know an obscure part of it) the answer to who Hana ends up with has been in front of you the whole time...**

**From Allegiant Chapter 51 Tobias**

_**Hanging crookedly next to me is a picture of the family—Zeke as a toddler, Uriah as a baby, balancing on his mother's lap. Their father's face is pierced in several places, nose and ear and lip, but his wide, bright smile and dark complexion are more familiar to me, because he passed them both to his sons.**_

**There was a reason Eli played with his lip ring so much! **

**And the rest of the piercings are coming...**


	37. Chapter 37- Secret Meetings

**To the Guest reviewer who asked if I was going to be adding more… oh, yes. We're a LONG way away from where Bahrfamily talked me into ending this story. My original plan was to end it after they get married, but she convinced me to take it out past Uriah's birth. (Years past Uriah's birth actually.) When I do finish it there's an epilogue that takes place at Uriah's Choosing Ceremony. Until you see that… I'm still writing. **

**And speaking of reviews…Thank you all for the reviews. I'm glad everyone liked the fact that it is Eli and how nervous he got with Hana. Like I mentioned to several of you when I PM'd you back after your wonderful reviews I figured that any woman who Four describes her by saying,"I liked her and was afraid of her at the same time." Would be the type to make a guy nervous to ask out.**

**As always thank-you to Bahrfamily for all the work you put into this story. Between reading, editing, and letting me bounce ideas off of her I keep her pretty busy some days! But I couldn't do it without her.**

**37 Secret Meetings**

Eli and I start off getting to know each other slowly, _very_ slowly. It's hard for us to find time and places to be together and to talk to each other without arousing suspicions. I still _see_ Eli several times a day. I see him at meals. I even see him when he and Nick persist in walking me places.

And that's the problem. We can't meet before or after work, because Nick would know. We finally get a chance to discuss it when Nick ends up with a terrible cold.

"This would be so much easier if you and Nick had stopped walking me everywhere _before_ we started seeing each other," I tease him, "although if you would decide to back off now, it would help."

Eli shakes his head at me. "Hana, I'd like nothing more than to have more time with you alone, but making sure you're safe from Jude is too important."

I look at him for a second. "Is there some place we can sit and talk?"

"We can try the net." He looks at me sideways. "Why?"

"I thought that, with Nick being gone, maybe we could spend some time together." I shrug. "But if Nick is expecting you back…"

Eli laughs. "Nick's dead to the world. The medicine he's on knocks him out. I could stay out all night, and he'd never realize it."

"Well, I think Abylin gets off patrol in 2 hours, so I need to be back to the room before then."

"What are we waiting for?"

We don't talk much on the way to the net. I don't know why Eli is so quiet, but I'm trying to figure out how to talk to him about how to get him and Nick to give me some space. It's a slightly easier to meet with Natalie when I need to than it is to meet with Eli, but I would _really_ like to have a little space.

"Just for the record," Eli starts, his voice solemn, as we head to the platform by the net to sit down, "I'm not willing to let you start walking from work on the afternoon/evening shift or to work on the overnight shift by yourself, so you might as well save your breath."

I stop walking and look at him. I don't know if this is a good sign or not. He's already reading my mind.

Eli takes a couple more steps and turns around. The look he gives me is stern and unyielding. "Hana, I trusted her when I shouldn't have, and you got hurt. I'm not going to make that mistake again and end up with you getting hurt _again_."

I take a deep breath and let my head fall back so I'm looking at the ceiling. I let it out in a huff and then look back at him. "Don't you think if she was going to do something she would have done it by now?" I try to be logical. "She hasn't made any contact with me since she tried to apologize, except that one time she told me her story and asked me -"

"She did _what_?! Why didn't I know about this?" Eli's voice is somewhere between panic and anger.

I blink at him in surprise. It hadn't dawned on me that he wouldn't know about it, since Carly was the only witness to our conversation, so I wasn't expecting such a strong reaction from him. "She came and talked to me about a month and a half or two months after…" I stop, not sure what to call it. "I was having cake with Carly. She wanted to speak to me alone."

Eli's hands ball into fists. "You talked to her alone?" He swallows hard, repeatedly, like he's swallowing words that he wants to say but doesn't think he should.

"No, I told her that she could either say it right then in front of Carly, or another time with Nick there."

Eli nods and takes a couple of deep breathes. I can see him calm down. "Why not me?"

I smile at him. "I didn't want her anywhere _near_ you. I was afraid she'd turn on the charm and…"

"Hana, even if you and I weren't… I'm done. I wouldn't get back with her. Ever. There is nothing she can do to change that, but since _we_ are…" Eli's hand comes up. It hesitates in the air between us. For a brief moment, I think he's going to touch me. An excitement spreads through my chest in a moment of anticipation. But then he seems to remember his promise to let me set the pace, and he grabs his earlobe and pulls on it a couple of times before letting his hand drop again. "So you _understand_." When he finally speaks, his voice is rough. "I don't want her anywhere near _you_."

I nod. "But she hasn't been."

"I don't trust her."

"Do you trust me?"

Eli doesn't even hesitate. "Yes."

"So if I stay away from places that I'm alone…"

Eli takes a deep breath. "Hana, you're going to be alone if you're walking by yourself at those times of night. She could show up, and then what are you going to do?"

I don't know how to answer that. I'm just not worried about it. If she was going to do something to me, she would have already done it. I think Nick's right that Jude is trying to figure out how to get Eli back. As long as she thinks that's a chance, she's not going to touch me. I just don't know how to convince Eli of that.

"I don't think she will. She found out the last time what happens if she hurts me," I finally answer, not having come up with any better argument.

"Not good enough." His eyes hold mine. "Hana, if she found out about us, all bets would be off. You're too special to me to take a chance on your safety."

* * *

I've always enjoyed pulling the Dauntless cameras at work and spying on everyone's day, but it is even more interesting, now that it gives me a chance to watch Eli without him knowing it. It makes me feel like I get to share a little piece of his day when I see him, even if it is briefly, on the screens.

Today he ends up working on Leeann's computer. I watch the two of them interact in those brief moments they flash on the screen. Suddenly, the answer to my problem of Eli and Nick sticking to me like glue is sitting right in front of me. I pull the clip for just a moment and watch Leeann pout her way into getting something out of Eli. I've been going about this the wrong way…

I release the footage and pull up a dialog box and send a quick message to Carly. She's been putting up with me complaining about Eli and Nick for months now, so I want to run my idea past her.

_**I just realized I've been going about this the wrong way.**_ I hit enter and wait for her response.

_**Going about what the wrong way?**_ she questions me.

_**Getting Eli and Nick to let me go places by myself.**_

_**How are you going to manage that?! **_she asks me.

My answer is one word. _**Leeann.**_

_**Leeann?**_

_**Have you ever seen **__**either**__** of them say no to her?**_

I hear Carly laugh. I look over at her and she gives me a thumbs-up. Now I just need to convince Leeann.

* * *

"I don't know..." Leeann responds, when I give her my pitch.

"Come on, Leeann, please help me." I plead. "You're my only hope."

"I know," Leeann sighs, "and I can see where you're coming from, but if she _does_ come after you, and I'm the one who convinced them…"

"I won't let them blame you, I promise. I'll tell them I put you up to it." I sound hate sounding desperate, but I am.

Leeann shakes her head at me. "It's not that. They'd forgive me eventually." She tosses her hair. "They always do!" She laughs. "I'm not sure I'd forgive _myself_ if you got hurt."

"What if you suggest a compromise?"

Leeann eyes me suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, Rais and Abilyn work on Factionless Patrol, too. What if we ask one or both of them to let us know her schedule, and when she's scheduled to be at work, they let me walk by myself."

Leeann bites her lip for a moment. I can see her looking at the idea for problems. "Okay, _you_ bring up to them the idea of not walking you around anymore at dinner, and when they refuse, I'll give that idea as a compromise."

I feel myself grin wide enough to be a Pedrad. "Thank you! You're the best!"

* * *

"You're late," Natalie informs me when I walk into the Crevice room.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I apologize quickly. "Eli and Nick…"

Natalie holds up a hand and stops me. "I assumed as much. How much longer do you think this is going to last?"

I smile. "It should start getting better."

"How?"

"They are only going to walk me places when Jude's not at work. Rais and Abilyn have agreed to help keep track of her schedule, and when she's on patrol, they won't escort me to and from work."

Natalie nods. "That should help. How did you get them to agree to that?"

"Leeann." I smirk. "They never even saw it coming."

Natalie laughs. "How is she these days? I really miss her."

"She's good. She and Chaz will be getting married on Nuptials Day."

"That doesn't surprise me, but I am glad to hear it. I think he's the only man in the city who can put up with her." Natalie is quiet for a moment. "She's been through a lot. Chaz is good for her. So Angie's standing up with her?"

"No, Angie and Rob are getting married too," I inform her.

"I should have seen that coming."

"She asked me to stand up with her," I tell Natalie quietly. It still surprises me that Leeann sees me as a good enough friend for that.

Natalie smiles at me. "I should have seen that coming, too."

I give her a doubtful look.

Natalie shakes her head at me. "Being a former Abnegation, you don't see it, do you?"

"See what?" I ask, puzzled.

"Hana, I'd have you stand up for me if we were in the same faction. You're a good friend."

For a moment, I wonder if that means she and Andrew are getting married, but I can't imagine that they are, yet. Abnegation frowns upon marrying this soon. If I'm right about them, the earliest Abnegation would let them get married is next year. Checking her finger will do me no good, since Abnegation only wear a plain gray wedding ring. Engagement rings are too self-indulgent. I decide to hint around and see if I can _finally_ get her to admit to Andrew. "So, are you trying to tell me something?" I try to sound curious instead of like I am fishing for something I already know.

Natalie laughs. "No, you know Abnegation still sees me as too young."

"But if they didn't?" I try again.

Natalie only shakes her head at me, a slightly amused look on her face. I wish I could read her better.

Suddenly she gets serious. She hands me about a dozen drives. They are all marked "E", Erudite. "Things are getting worrisome there," she says in response to my unasked question. "Norton is starting to keep detailed records on simulations, for both the aptitude test and the Dauntless fear simulations." Natalie's gaze locks on mine. "I have to check into somethings." She hands me a list. "Sorry, but they are going to mess with your schedule some in order for me to be able to do this. A few people will take vacation days. One or two will end up being sick." She shrugs. "Volunteer for _every_ shift that is on this list. _Don't_ volunteer if it isn't on this list. The list, I _need_ you to cover for. If someone really gets sick, I can't afford for them _not_ to let you work because you've already worked too many hours that week."

I nod. "Got it."

* * *

"We're having Amar's birthday party a week late," Jazz sighs after she sits down at the table.

"Why?" Leeann asks her.

Jazz takes a deep breath. "Rais got put on Amity Patrol. He'll be gone on Amar's birthday." She looks and sounds worried. I'm sure everyone else just thinks she's upset about Rais missing Amar's first birthday, but I remember what she told me about Amity Patrol, that Rais just isn't himself for a while after it.

"That's almost a month away, right?" Abilyn asks.

Jazz nods.

"I thought they didn't announce Amity Patrol more than a week ahead of time." Abilyn wrinkles her brow.

"That's normally the way it works. On rare occasions we have more warning than that. Amity Patrol is…" She shrugs. "Amity Patrol. There never seems to be an exact way to figure it out."

We're all quiet for a moment. "So who all is invited to the party?" Eli throws out, to distract Jazz.

"Well, Sultana and Kamil, all of you, Carly and her family..."

"You know Carly?" I had no idea.

Jazz smiles. "We were in the same initiation class."

"I didn't know that." I look at my watch. "Speaking of Carly, I'm covering half her shift this evening. I need to get going."

Eli looks around and notices Jude sitting at the next table. "I'll walk you."

"You don't have to."

Eli shakes his head. "She's not on patrol. I'll be back," he tells everyone else and stands up. "Let's go."

I grab my tray. "Fine." I try to sound frustrated.

Nobody questions us, and fortunately, Nick doesn't offer to come with us. After we leave the cafeteria, I look over at Eli and smile. "You do realize I really have to head to work, right?"

"I know, but if I'm right, you actually have about half an hour." Eli winks at me.

I try to look disgusted, but I know I fail because I can feel the smile growing on my lips.

"So, what do you want to do with that half hour?"

I pretend to think. "Well, I _was_ just going to go to work early and hang out there..."

"If that's what you want to do…" Eli pretends to go along with it.

"I guess our other option is to walk _very_ slowly and talk," I offer.

"I think I like that option better." Eli grins at me. "So, how did your first shift go?"

* * *

"Hana?" Leeann's voice is soft as she wakes me up.

I blink a couple of times at her. Natalie's had a lot going on lately. In the last five days, I've worked double shifts on four of them, so it's hard for me to wake up. "What's up?"

"I hate to wake you, but Nick and Eli have offered to take us zip-lining. Do you want to come, or do you need to sleep?"

I sit up. "Give me a couple minutes to wake up. I don't want to miss out on zip-lining. I'll be there."

"Okay." Leeann stands up and walks out of the room. She pauses at the door and turns on the light. "Sorry!" She walks out.

It takes me a moment to find my bearings. This isn't the best idea I've ever had, but we haven't been zip-lining since initiation, where, once again, Jeanine's fear simulation took the place of the class doing it officially. Eli and Nick decided that since they had done it for Leeann's class, they should keep doing it for the other classes. I don't want to miss either zip-lining or a chance to see Eli, so I force myself out of bed and start getting ready to go.

* * *

On the train ride, I get my second wind, but exhaustion hits me again by the time we get to the top of the Hancock building. Eli and Nick start working on getting everything ready to go. Nick takes one look at me and says, "Hana, come sit near us. You look like you're about to fall asleep on your feet. If you fall asleep, Eli will make sure you get off the roof safely."

I nod and sit down, leaning on a wall near the two of them. I'm just too tired to do anything else. I watch them set things up… I watch Eli set things up. My lids start to lower, and I hope that keeps anyone from realizing I'm only watching Eli and not Nick.

He moves smoothly and gracefully. You can tell he's done this multiple times, but there's nothing automatic about his movements. He's precise. He realizes everyone's safety depends on his job, and he takes it seriously.

"Eli," Jude's voice surprises me.

I open my eyes to see if I'm dreaming or not. Either I'm dreaming with my eyes open, or I somehow missed the fact that Jude was part of the group coming.

"Jude." Eli's voice is expressionless.

"I wanted to thank you for letting us come and make sure you knew Zane."

I make sure to look at the guy standing next to her. I'm pretty sure it's Eli's "twin" from the Chasm.

"Zane." Eli's voice is neutral. It certainly doesn't sound like a man meeting his rival.

"Well…" Jude's voice trails off. "That's all."

My eyelids close again, but I can feel someone's eyes on me. I wonder if it's Jude, trying to decide why I'm sitting by the guys, or if Eli is trying to see if I saw Jude.

* * *

"Hana?" Eli's voice is soft. "Hana, wake up," There's a pause. "Sweetheart?" His voice is so low that I'm pretty sure I dreamed the last word.

My heart stops for a moment anyway.

"Hana!" his voice comes again, more insistent.

I blink myself awake.

He smiles at me. It's not his usual grin. There is something special about his smile. "I wish you hadn't come."

My heart jumps to my throat. Jude was here. Is he… does he wish I wasn't here so he could spend time with her? "Why?"

"You're too tired to do this. I don't want you getting hurt. Maybe you should go down the elevator." I see the concern in his eyes, and inwardly sigh with relief. He's worried about me. This has nothing to do with Jude.

I stand up and look around. We're the last two people on the roof. "I'll be fine. It will wake me up."

"Are you sure?" Eli plays with his lip ring.

"I'm sure."

"Then let's get you strapped in. The last person went almost five minutes ago. I didn't want to wake you up, but they aren't going to wait around at the end much longer."

I smile and walk to the staging area.

"Which way do you want to go this time?"

Jude's here; granted, she appears to have a new boyfriend, but why chance it? "Face down, facing back," I decide. I can watch him longer that way. That, and I haven't tried it that way yet.

"What happened to facing up?" he asks. I can see why he asked. I did it that way during my initiation and again during this year's initiation.

"Jude's here," I say softly.

Eli nods. "Better safe than sorry."

I nod back.

He holds out his hand to help me in. "I promise," he says, his voice soft, "if you let me help you in so I know you won't fall, I won't count it as anything else."

I smile back and take his outstretched hand. When our fingers touch, I can feel it, everywhere. Our eyes lock on each other, and for a long moment, we just stand there. Suddenly my eyes drop. I've been looking at him for too long.

Eli doesn't say anything about my reaction. He helps me into the harness and fastens me in. He checks everything three times. "Ready?" His voice is soft.

"Ready."

"Be careful." He swings me out.

I watch him as long as I can. He grows smaller more quickly than I would like. I notice nothing about the ride until he is too far away to see clearly. Then I notice the way my hair is pushed into my face going this direction. I hear the wire sing. I see the people below me slowly grow from specs to real people. When I start swinging back and forth at the stop, I notice everyone scrambling into position.

I wait until they are all there before I undo the buckles and drop into their arms.

"What took you so long?" Leeann asks me.

"Eli had trouble waking me up. Guess I should have stayed at home."

"You're still tired?" she asks, disbelief coloring her voice.

I laugh. "Not after that ride!"

"Eli's coming!" Angie yells.

I join the circle between Leeann and Nick. Jude is across the circle from me. She eyes me for a second, then smiles at me. For her, it looks sincere. I find myself smiling back, but when we all reach out to grab someone across from us, I notice both of us try to make sure we don't accidently end up holding onto the other one.

Eli falls into our arms. When he's on his feet, I can see him searching for someone. I'm assuming it's me. His eyes skim over me, but I see a quick look of relief. He finishes checking the circle. "Looks like we all made it. Let's head back."

We start walking back to the place where we can catch the trains.

"Leeann," Eli says, from his place on her other side, "next time the Stiff is so tired, let her sleep instead of dragging her along."

I want to protest, but I realize he's right. I probably was too tired to come. Hopefully these longs shifts for Natalie are almost over. I want my life back.

**So I realized that although I've mentioned Carly's son, I haven't had you guess what his name is yet. So… before we meet him in the next chapter can you figure out who Carly's son is? He is a named character in one of the four Divergent books. Think you know who he is? Leave me a review and see if you can figure out who he grows up to be.**


	38. Chapter 38- Marley

**Jazz and Rais: (mentioned) Amar's parents. Jazz was one of Hana's initiation instructors.**

**Carly- one of Hana's co-workers, Natalie has identified her as possibly being Divergent**

**Micah- Carly's husband**

**Bekah, Kelly, Abilyn: Hana's friends and roommates**

**Jude: (Mentioned) Eli's ex-girlfriend**

**Chaz: Leeann's fiancé**

**Thank you for the reviews and continued interest in this story! **

**As for the guesses on who Carly's son is... I had 2 people get it right... after getting hints on PM.**

**And before I forget... Thank you again to Bahrfamily. Another wonderful job betaing this chapter!**

**38 Marley**

"So, what is the purpose," I ask Eli as we stand together in one corner of Jazz and Rais's apartment, "in having a birthday party for a one year old? He's not going to remember it."

Eli smiles and shakes his head at me. "Well, Stiff, I guess the point is for the parent to be able to show off that they kept him alive for a year!"

"So the reasons are purely selfish?" I ask.

Eli shrugs. "Never thought of it that way, but I guess so." His forehead suddenly wrinkles.

"What?" I ask him curious about the look on his face.

"I just realized we missed _your_ birthday."

I shrug. "I hadn't noticed."

Eli looks over at me, with a funny expression on his face. "You didn't notice that no one remembered your birthday and at least wished you a happy birthday?"

I laugh, a little too loudly apparently. Carly looks over at me and an odd look crosses her face.

"What's so funny?" Eli asks me.

"One of these days," I manage to keep my voice low, "we're going to leave Dauntless for an hour or two, and we're going to discuss _all_ the differences between Abnegation and Dauntless, starting with the fact I don't even know when my birthday is."

Eli raises one eye brow questioningly at me.

"I don't even know what month I was born in," I confirm.

Carly walks over at this point. "What are you two talking about?"

Eli shakes his head. "Do you know she doesn't even know when her birthday is?"

Carly tips her head and looks at me; she seems to be evaluating me to see if I'm telling the truth. "She was Abnegation," she finally says. "If I remember right from Faction History, they don't celebrate birthdays."

"I know that, I was in the same class as you."

"Yes, but I received the higher grade, if I remember correctly." Carly says, smiling smugly.

"I just didn't realize they didn't even know when it was." Eli shrugs.

"Why…" Carly starts, then suddenly she calls out, "Gus! Stop that this instant!" She takes off in the direction of her son.

A man about Carly's age with a ring in each ear- I assume he's her husband, Micah- pulls Gus off the chair he is standing on as he reaches out to touch Amar's birthday cake.

Eli chuckles. "Looks like Carly is getting what she deserves. She was always into things she shouldn't have been. Testing things out, trying things out…"

I start chewing on my bottom lip. Testing things out… the phrase repeats itself in my head. Maybe her other aptitude is Erudite. She's trying to learn about things around her.

"What's that look for?" Eli leans in and asks me softly.

I let go of my lip and try to quickly think of a cover. "Just trying to picture Carly as a kid." It's the first thing I come up with.

"From what I've seen so far, watch Gus, and then picture him with pigtails. You should just about have it."

* * *

Tori had to leave the party early to go to work, but after the party, most of us head to the tattoo parlor. Bekah has a new tattoo in mind. Carefully - we try not to make it look intentional - I end up walking next to Eli. We talk about nothing important, just general chatter about our jobs, the fact that he's thinking about getting his nose pierced, unimportant things like that. In some ways, it's like the time we spend together, just the two of us, except this time everyone else is around and no realizes we're working on getting to know each other. To them, it's just normal Dauntless conversation.

Others in the group add comments or have their own conversations about their days. Kelly is near us and even shudders at his idea of getting his nose pierced. I smile, remembering needles were hard for her in the fear simulation.

Suddenly, a tall, curvy girl with copper colored curls and dark green eyes steps in front of me to get to Eli. Her short black dress stops inches shorter than I think is decent. The top plunges down, showing off her cleavage. She throws her arms around him and kisses him, quickly, on the lips. It's all I can do not to stare at her or push her out of the way and tell her to leave him alone.

"Eli!" Her voice is bright and seductive at the same time. "I hear you and Jude finally parted ways."

Considering they broke up over six months ago, whoever she is, she's a little behind the times.

Eli reaches up to her arms and gently pulls them off of him. "Marley," his voice is formal, "how have you been?"

She pouts. A pretty pout that even I can tell is intended to make her lips look tempting. "Lonely." She bats her eyes at him a couple of times. "Look," she lowers her voice, "now that Jude is out of the picture, if you'd like some company, you know where to find me." She leans into him. Her intention to kiss him again is very clear.

I don't know how to act. I don't want to act hurt, because as far as everyone else is concerned, to me, he's just Leeann's cousin, so, I shouldn't be. I don't want to act jealous, because, even though I am, really, I have no reason to be. We're just trying to figure out where we stand with each other. How would I act if it was Nick? If she was kissing Nick, I would look away. So I do. My eyes happen to catch Nick. He's shaking his head.

"I'll keep that in mind," Eli's voice is steady. "We're headed to the tattoo parlor, so if you'll excuse us."

"Oh!" Marley's voice remains bright. "I haven't seen her work yet, but I hear the new girl is excellent." In spite of my earlier resolve not to stare at the two of them, I look over. She's taken her hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. She has her face pressed against his bicep. "I'll come with you and check her out!" There's a flare of something in the pit of my stomach. It reminds me of the feeling I used to get when I would see him with Jude. This time I have a better idea of why I feel that way. We've been meeting when we can work it out for over a month now, and I still can't bring myself to hold his hand. The fact that she can touch him so casually hurts.

Marley maneuvers herself between Eli and me. I move over a little to give her extra room. I really don't want her to unintentionally touch me. I'm trying hard to keep my cool, but she's making it difficult.

My pace picks up as we get closer to the tattoo parlor. I'm not sure if I just don't want to be around her because I am jealous, or if I'm a little mad at Eli for letting her be that familiar with him. Soon I find myself walking next to Leeann and Chaz.

"If it's not one, it's the other," Leeann grumbles under her breath.

"Who is she?" I nod my head back towards the girl walking with Eli, I think he said her name was Marley.

"Marley?" Leeann confirms. "She and Eli dated before he started going out with Jude." She's quiet for a minute. "I guess I like her better than Jude, but…" Leeann shrugs. "I wish he could find someone nice to date, like Tori, or Bekah, or Abilyn, or…" I notice a sudden twinkle in Leeann's eyes, "you."

I wish I knew what involuntary look came to my face when she said that, because it was enough to make her laugh. "Don't worry; I know, I know, you don't date Dauntless-style." She is quiet for a moment. "But if you ever change your mind," she grins at me, "Nick and Eli are both available. I'll even help with either one of them."

I keep my smile off my face and shake my head at her. "I'll _try_ to remember that," I respond drily.

It's nice to know Leeann wouldn't mind me dating her cousin, but right now it would be a better thing to know where I stood with him, and an even _better_ thing to know that Marley wasn't hanging all over him.

* * *

"Net." That one whispered word from Eli is the only one we are able to privately share after Marley joins the group.

Part of me longs to shake my head no and avoid the conversation that is coming, but that is selfish. I've been Dauntless for almost a year and a half, and I still can't just do what I want when someone obviously wants something else. So, I nod, hoping I don't regret it.

Marley is Eli's excuse to leave. Watching him walk off with her, even though he's told me he wants to meet, isn't easy. She's still holding on to him, and he's still letting her. I stifle the sigh that builds inside of me. I wonder how long it will take him to lose her and head toward the net. We weren't able to set a time, but I know I don't want to be waiting there for him.

But I don't want to make him wait long for me, either.

Kelly left almost as soon as we got here. The tattoo needles bother her so she almost never stays long at the parlor. Leeann and Chaz leave shortly after that to meet Angie and Rob at the fights.

I watch Tori sketch out Bekah's idea for a tattoo for about ten minutes; then I decide I need to head out. "I'm going to go for a walk," I inform them. I look at Bekah. "I'll see you back at the apartment." I hope Nick doesn't decide to follow me in case Jude is around. He still does that from time to time.

Bekah nods.

"Are you getting the tattoo tonight?"

"No, she's not," Tori answers for her. Her brow furrows as she concentrates on what she is working on. "I have an appointment in another ten minutes. That's not enough time to get this one done."

Bekah shrugs. "What's your schedule like tomorrow?"

I walk off before they decide. If Tori has a client in ten minutes, then Bekah and Abilyn will probably start wondering where I am in about twenty minutes. I need to meet Eli. If it takes him too long to get there, we'll just have to try for another time.

* * *

Eli is pacing by the net, waiting for me when I get there. Once he sees me, he stops and stands awkwardly.

I stop a couple of paces away from him.

I have _no_ idea what I'm supposed to say. There is a war building up inside of me. Two sides of me battle out which course to take.

One side wants to yell at him, to tell him that if he can let her latch on to him like that, then I obviously don't matter to him as much as he tells me I do. That part of me wants to shout all of that at him and inform him we are through and storm off.

The other side of me wants to hurt him a different way. It wants to let the pain of the last hour pour out. It wants to cry and show him how betrayed I feel right now. That part of me wants to make him feel guilty for what he just, unintentionally, put me through.

I stand there, trying to decide which option to take, when it occurs to me there is a third option. That is the option I decide to take, the option of silence. I wait to see what he is going to say and do.

Eli swallows hard. "Hana, I'm sorry. She caught me off guard. I didn't know what to do." He looks at me, his dark brown eyes finding mine and holding them in his hypnotic gaze. "There was part of me that wanted so badly to reach out and take your hand when she showed up." He puts his hand out for me to take now, but I've never held his hand before and in the middle of _this_ conversation doesn't seem like the time to start. After a long moment, he slowly lowers his hand. "Hana, I realize that I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I haven't seen Marley in over a year. I had no idea she would show up like that. _Please_ tell me you believe that."

I nod slowly.

"I wanted to get her away from me. I didn't want her that close to me, but anything I could think of to do to stop her involved you." He pauses for a moment. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about that, and I didn't want to make the situation worse by involving you."

"I _was_ hurt, Eli. I don't know who she is, or what she means to you." I look away hoping he won't see the tears starting to gather in my eyes.

I hear the faint click of Eli's lip ring on his teeth as he plays with it. "I know. I'm sorry."

I close my eyes, willing the tears to stay in them.

"What do you want to know about her? I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

My eyes open back up, searching his to see if he is serious.

"Whatever you want to know, I'll tell you," he repeats.

I start with the most basic question. "Who is she?"

"Marley." Eli motions me toward the net. Side by side, we climb the stairs to the platform next to the net. "She's a year older than me. I dated her when I was an initiate and a little while after that, too." He shrugs. "It was never anything serious. I don't know if Marley will ever get serious with one guy. She always seems to be happiest when she's seeing two or three guys at a time, and I was not an exception when she dated me." We sit down side by side, close, but not quite touching, on the edge of the platform.

I can't fathom the idea of dating more than one guy at a time. Of course, I can't even imagine the thought of dating anyone but Eli. "Did you love her?" My voice is small. We aren't to that point, we aren't even close to that point in our relationship, and I don't even know if we'll ever get there, but for some reason I _need_ to know the answer to that question.

"No!" Eli laughs. "I never loved her. I've never been in love with anyone before."

I smile at that. For some reason, the fact that he's never loved anyone he's dated makes me feel better.

He waits for a minute before asking me, "Any other questions?"

"Not right now," I answer truthfully.

"Are we okay?" Eli's voice is tentative.

I look at him, and slowly nod. "We're okay."

Eli lets out a breath I didn't realize he was holding. His grin flashes into place for the first time since Marley showed up. "Good. I was a little worried there for a minute."

"So was I."

**And if you don't remember Gus from the series he's in Four: A Divergent Collection. Specifically in The Traitor. He's Four's (and Zeke I assume) supervisor in the Control Room. **


	39. Chapter 39-Candor

**Sultana: (Mentioned) Control room supervisor, and one of Eli's best friend's mom.**

**Gayle: (Mentioned) Hana's older sister and a member of Abnegation.**

**Isaac: (Mentioned) Hana's younger brother.**

**Jude and Marley: (Mentioned) Eli's ex-girlfriends**

**39 Candor**

"If I have your rotation figured out correctly," Eli tells me as we sit side by side on the platform by the net, "you have Wednesday off, next week. Am I right?"

I look at him, slightly shocked. "How did you know?"

"I used to work in the control room, remember?" Eli grins. "That and, I may have visited Sultana at work last week and stolen a peek at the work schedule."

I smile. "That's more believable."

"I have a comp day coming. I thought maybe, if you wanted to, we could spend the day together. Llike leave Dauntless, ride the trains for a while," he shrugs, "just get away so we can spend time together without worrying about someone showing up."

I bite my lower lip and think for a minute. "No one else has Wednesday off, so that should work."

"Dress warmly." Eli's voice is firm. "The trains can get pretty cold, this time of year."

* * *

We jump on the same train car but at different points. Eli insists that I leave from Dauntless so I don't have to walk. He is already there waiting for me, having caught the train before it arrived at Dauntless. He motions me over the corner where he has already spread a blanket on the floor. "I thought it would be warmer than the bare floor." He looks almost embarrassed when he explains it to me.

"That was very thoughtful." I sit down where he motions me to. He sits down near me. "How'd you manage the blanket?"

He holds up a backpack. "You aren't the only person who can carry one."

I laugh and take mine off my back. I guess he's right, but he has no idea how special my bag is.

"What do you carry in that thing, anyway?" he asks.

I open it up and pull out the food that I carry in it, along with a couple of bottles of water and a first aid kit. "Abnegation habit," I state the story I created shortly after Natalie gave me the bag confidently. "I'm used to carrying things in case someone needs it. I can't seem to shake the habit." The funny thing is, thanks to Natalie, I'm actually better at carrying things now than I was when I was in Abnegation.

Eli nods, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. We've been alone in our "hiding spots" in Dauntless before, but somehow, this feels different, and I'm not sure what to say.

"I thought maybe we should show up for lunch." Eli says nervously.

I nod. "That makes sense."

"We can decide what we want to do in the afternoon later."

"Okay."

We look at each other. Neither of us seems to know what to say.

"So, what did you play as a kid?" Eli suddenly breaks the silence.

I can't help it. I laugh at him. "Do you remember where I came from?"

"Abnegation."

I look at him expectantly. Surely he'll catch on. He just gives me a blank stare.

"You really have no clue what it means to grow up in Abnegation, do you?" I shake my head just a little in wonder.

"What am I missing?" Eli asks, puzzled.

"In Abnegation, you look out for other people. Spending time playing games when you could be helping someone else is selfish."

"You never played _any_ games?" His tone is incredulous.

"Not _never_…" I pause thinking back, "more like rarely, but I do have to admit I had never played cards until initiation when Tori decided to teach me."

Eli's eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. "So that's why you didn't know that card game at Tori's apartment warming party."

I laugh. "That's right."

"So, when you did have that rare time to play, what did you play?"

"My siblings and I used to play Candor," I finally admit.

Eli laughs. "I used to play that with Nick and Leeann too! How did you do it?"

"Well…" I move to sit cross legged across from him, our knees almost touching. "We would sit like this."

He moves to sit cross legged, mirroring me.

"And put our hands, palms up, on our knees like this." I show him and he mirrors me again. "Then…" I take a deep breath. It's just a game… I can do this. "Wed' take one hand and find the pulse on the other person's wrist." I take my right hand and cross the small space between us to and touch his right wrist at the pulse point. For a moment, when I first touch him, I can't breathe. I swallow hard, trying to find my voice again. "We always pretended that we could tell from their pulse rate when the other was lying." I slowly take my hand away from him. I can't decide if I really want to lose contact with him, or if I am just scared of the way it feels to touch him.

For a couple of breaths, we just look at each other. Eli told me I set the pace on this. How is he going to count me touching him to show him how a game is played? That thought no more than crosses my mind when I realize that it isn't the _real_ question. The real question is, do I _want_ him to count it? Because if I want him to, then I have to find a way to make sure he knows that.

I give my head a quick shake, bringing myself back to reality. "Of course, the truth was, Gayle, my older sister, couldn't ever keep a story straight, and Isaac, my younger brother, was such a good liar that we never were sure if we caught him or not." I shrug. "How did you play?"

"A little differently. We sat the same, and held hands." He takes my small hands, with their still forming callouses, in his large strong hands where the callouses are well-formed, from jumping on trains. "Then, whoever is being asked the questions comes up with two different signals. One for when they tell the truth," Eli taps his thumb on the top of my hand, "and the other," Eli squeezes my hand with just his thumb and little finger, "for when you are lying. As soon as you know which is which, you declare it. If you are right, you win."

Eli looks at our linked hands and then looks at me. "Which way do you want to play?"

I blink at him. "What?" I can barely concentrate, with our hands touching.

"Let's play. It will give us a chance to get to know each other a little more."

He hasn't let go of my hands, and I finally realize I don't _want_ him to.

"Which way do you want to play?" He repeats himself.

It only takes a moment for me to decide. "We'll play your way."

His smile starts small, but grows quickly. "There are a few rules. The interrogator has to ask at least five questions before guessing. The person being questioned has to tell the truth and tell a lie at least once in those first five questions. Once a question is asked, it can't be repeated in that game."

I nod. "Okay."

"I'll ask questions first." He waits for me to nod and then asks the first one. "What was the result of your aptitude test?"

I look at him in disbelief. "You aren't supposed to discuss that!" I try to sound outraged.

Eli shrugs. "It's just us here. Who's going to know we did?"

I pretend to think for about that for a minute, but really I'm trying to decide if I tell the truth or lie and what my signal for each is going to be. "Dauntless." I gently squeeze with both hands.

Eli plays with his lip ring for a moment. "What do you miss most about Abnegation?"

"My family." I can't even pretend to stop and think about that one. It is out before I can stop it. I squeeze both hands again.

Eli smiles. "I don't think I could have left mine. What was the best part of training?"

I never have been able to decide if zip lining was the best part or the worst part. In a way, it was the best part, because I met Eli. On the other hand, it was the worst part, because he was dating Jude. "Graduating," I say, before I squeeze both hands, but this time I squeeze one hand a little more than the other. I just hope he doesn't ask me to go back and tell the truth on this particular question.

"Has Leeann ever driven you crazy?"

"No." I squeeze one hand slightly more than the other.

"That's a lie!" Eli quickly informs me. "I can't tell the difference, but you were telling the truth about your family and you squeezed both of my hands. You said Leeann has never driven you crazy and you squeezed both hands. I _know_ that's a lie. Leeann drives _everyone_ crazy at some point in time!"

I laugh. "I thought you had to ask five questions before you could guess."

Eli nods. "You do, but you're using the same signal for both."

"I am not." I take my hands away from him and place them on my hips.

"Oh, _really_? Well, I can't tell the difference." His tone is accusing.

I put my hands back in his. "Ask me another question. I won't change it, but I will make it more obvious for you."

Eli thinks for a minute. "Other than your family, what is one thing you miss about Abnegation?"

"The color gray." I squeeze his left hand as hard as I can, but barely squeeze the right hand.

Eli's eyebrows shoot up. "Ok, let me try one more." He pauses for a second. "Before I asked you if you wanted to try dating, did you ever think about me?"

I take a deep breath. "Yes." I squeeze both hands the same.

Eli's eyes light up. "Two hands the same is the truth. Two hands at different strengths is a lie."

I nod. "So which ones were which?"

Eli throws his head back and laughs. "Dauntless aptitude, missing your family, and thinking of me were the truth, and Leeann driving you nuts and missing the color gray were lies... Your change was so subtle on your favorite part of training that I'm not sure."

"Does that mean I won?"

Eli lets go of my hands for a moment, and then flips his hands over and takes mine. "I don't know. It's your turn to ask the questions."

I think for a moment. "What was your favorite class in school?"

"Faction history." Two of his fingers brush against my palm. I fight a chill going down my spine.

"If you had changed factions, where would you have gone?"

"Abnegation." Eli grins at me. I think it is only one finger that brushes my palm.

"If you couldn't work in tech support, where would you work?"

Eli's brow furrows for a moment while he thinks. "I'd go back to the control room." It is definitely two fingers brush against my palm again.

I have a question I've wanted to ask Eli since he first told me he was interested in me. I try to decide if I am brave enough to ask him, and if I really want to know the answer to the question. I take a deep breath and decide I do want to know. I just hope he's okay with me asking. "Why did you date Jude?"

Eli's response is so swift and unexpected that it startles me. He drops my hands. "Game's over."

I have a fear in the pit of my stomach that more than just the game is over. "Eli, I'm sorry, I…" There is an edge of panic in my voice. "I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business." I should have just let myself wonder…

He places a finger over my lips. It almost touches them, but I'm guessing since I haven't actually told him it's okay to touch me, he's keeping his word about not touching me. "It's okay, Hana. It's a valid question for you to ask. I'm actually a little surprised it hasn't come up before. It's just," he sighs deeply, "I'm calling the game because I don't want you wondering if my answer is the truth or a lie. I want to make sure you know it's the truth. You deserve the truth."

I nod and he drops his finger. I swallow hard. "So, why?"

Eli's eyes hold mine. "Thinking back, every reason I ever had for dating her is pretty lousy. I was raised Dauntless; dating here can be pretty casual and almost meaningless." He shrugs. "I didn't want to be alone, the odd man out, like Nick is. I know he's comfortable with it, but I wasn't. I knew she wasn't the right one, but that made her safe to date. She was pretty, and after her father was kicked out…" He shrugs. "I felt bad for her. Most of the guys I knew wanted her to pay attention to them. When she started paying attention to me, I was flattered. I had kind of been dating Marley, but I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to be just one of the guys she hung out with. I guess what I wanted was to have someone to do things with, to fit in. Once we started dating, it was comfortable, familiar. I knew I'd never fall in love with her, so in a way it was safe. No real commitment, no real expectations. I knew she wanted more, but I made it very clear to her that I didn't. She manipulated me. She played up losing her dad and needing someone. I guess I allowed myself to be fooled because I liked feeling needed. Part of it was because I never used to think the right one was out there. So, when Jude asked me out..."

"_Jude_ asked _you_ out?"

Eli nods. "Jude asked me out the first time. Actually," Eli smiles at me, almost shyly, "Marley asked me out the first time, too. You're the only one I've ever asked out for the first date, and I did such a spectacular job at that," he shakes his head and laughs at himself, "that I'm still surprised you agreed."

My hand moves out on its own volition and touches his. Our fingers curl together. My heart is pounding. This isn't a game. Not for me, and somehow, I don't think it is for him, either. Suddenly, one thing he said clicks in my brain. "You never _used_ to think the right one was out there?" My voice is soft. I suddenly can't speak much above a whisper.

Eli nods and his thumb brushes the back of my hand. His eyes capture mine and hold them. "I'm beginning to wonder if there might be someone out there worth taking a chance on, after all."


	40. Chapter 40- Nuptials Day

**Abilyn, Bekah, Angie, Kelly- Some of Hana's roommates**

**Jazz and Rais- Amar's parent, Jazz was on of Hana's trainers**

**Gayle- (mentioned) Hana's older sister. She stayed in Abnegation**

**Rob- Angie's fiancé**

**Chaz- Leeann's fiancé**

**Tyson- one of Rob and Chaz's roommates (He did have one date with Hana...)**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed and let me know they enjoyed the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one too. Thank you to Bahrfamily as always for the great job Betaing the chapter!**

**I know I haven't left a story quote in a while, but here's a quote from Insurgent to make sure you understand the argument that Leeann and Chaz are having in this chapter.**

**From Insurgent Chapter 12**

**Surnames are just an additional means of identification, useful only to prevent confusion in official records. When we marry one spouse has to take the other's surname, or both have to take an new one. Still while we may carry our names from family to faction, we rarely mention them.**

**40 Nuptials Day**

"So, how does Nuptials Day work for the Dauntless?" I smile at Leeann. "What do I need to do?"

Leeann wrinkles her brow at me. "What do you need to do? Show up and not look better than me!" She flashes a smile as she says the last part.

"Like I could look better than you," I mutter.

"You could if…" Leeann lets her sentence trail off.

I shake my head at her. "What do I need to do for Nuptials Day?" I repeat my question.

"I just told you!" Leeann looks at me strangely. "Why? Is there more that you do when you stand up for someone in Abnegation?"

"A lot more than that!" I laugh. "If you stand up with someone, you get to the Hub two hours early to set up for the all-Factions Ceremony. Then, after the public ceremony, when the other Factions start leaving, you go up a floor and set up the Abnegation ceremony."

"What's that like?" Abilyn asks.

"Probably the opposite of everyone else's," I laugh, thinking of all the holidays we've discussed the differences between over the last year. Then I stop laughing and pause, thinking back to the foot washing ceremony. "It's very quiet, very reverent. They have two chairs set up for each couple with a bowl of warm water on the floor by each pair of chairs. There are two towels on the floor between the chair and one bar of soap sits on the towels."

"Then what happens?" Jazz asks. Her voice is soft, as Amar sits in her lap, leaning against her, fast asleep. Normally she doesn't let him sleep during meals, but evidently he skipped his nap today, so she has decided to make an exception.

"Then they wash each other's feet and say their Abnegation vows." I shrug. "And guess who gets to pick it all up when it's over?"

Leeann laughs. "The people who stand up with them."

"You got it."

"I'm surprised you agreed to stand up with me before you knew you wouldn't have to do all that."

I smile at Leeann. "I did all that for Gayle; I'd do all for you, too."

* * *

"Where's Leeann?" I ask as I come into the apartment.

Abilyn looks up from the card game she and Bekah are playing and shrugs. "Not here. I haven't seen her since dinner. Why?"

I flop down on the couch, and then tuck my legs under me so I can curl up. "We were supposed to go shopping for dresses for her wedding, but she didn't show up."

Bekah furrows her brow. "Leeann stood you up? That doesn't sound much like her."

"I know. I'm starting to get worried."

Just then the door to the apartment flies open with a bang, and Leeann strides in. Her eyes are blazing and her cheeks are flushed with anger.

"Where have you been?" I stand up and ask her. "I waited for you to go dress shopping, but…"

She cuts me off. "Don't worry about dress shopping. I'm _not_ getting married."

Abilyn, Bekah and I look at each other, and then at her. Not this again! She's declared this twice before.

"What happened?" My voice is soft.

"He… he…" Leeann starts with a sputter. "I want to keep Pedrad. He wants to keep Romanov! He won't listen to reason! I just… if we can't keep my name, I'm not marrying him. That's all there is to it!" She storms through to our sleeping area. The door slams shut behind her.

I sit back down and look at the other two. She may have declared this before, but never so forcefully. They look as stunned as I feel. Angie comes out of the sleeping room rubbing her eyes. "What is going on with her?"

I shake my head. "Another fight about last names," I calmly inform her.

Just then, we hear something break from our sleeping area.

Angie shakes her head. "And I used to think their fights before were bad. They weren't half as bad as these are getting to be."

I raise my eyebrows and look at Angie. "Speaking of last names, how are you and Rob doing on that?"

"Oh, we settled that a couple of months ago." Angie shrugs. "I don't really care, so we're taking his."

There's another crash from the sleeping area. "Well," I sigh heavily, "at least _one_ of you has it figured out!"

* * *

I wait ten minutes after the last sound of anything breaking before I knock on the door to the sleeping area and then slowly open it. "It's Hana," I announce softly, since I'm not entirely sure that she won't launch something at the door. Nothing heads to the door, so I go on in. "Leeann?"

She's thrown herself on her bed. Her face is buried in her pillow. I watch her for a second before I sit next to her. Her shoulders shake. I put an arm around her back. "What's wrong?" I ask her gently.

"What's wrong?" She pulls her head off the pillow and looks up at me. Her brown eyes are troubled. "Everything." She slowly sits up next to me.

I wait for her to talk.

"I love Chaz, you know that, right?"

I nod and smile encouragingly at her. "Of course, I know that." I smooth her hair back. "He knows that, too."

"No, he doesn't."

"Why do you think he doesn't know that?"

"Because I gave him back his ring."

I'm quiet for a moment trying to process that. She's come in before, saying that the wedding was off, but she's always kept her ring. This is more serious than I thought. "Why?" I finally ask the most obvious question.

"Because he gave me an ultimatum. He told me either we use his last name or we aren't getting married." There is an amazing level of frustration in her voice.

It's the opening I've been waiting for. "Leeann, why is staying a Pedrad so important to you?"

"It's all I have left of my mother." Her voice is small and wavers. "Mom and Dad followed the example of Eli's parents and kept Mom and Aunt Taylor's last name. Mom died, and to me it's a way to have her with me even though she's gone. My mom can't be at my wedding, but I can keep her close by keeping her name."

I nod. Leeann's stubbornness about her last name makes more sense now. "Have you explained that to Chaz?"

"I don't need to. Chaz was around when Mom died. He knows everything."

I shake my head at her. "Knowing what happened isn't the same as understanding why it's important to you."

Leeann looks up at me. "Would that make a difference?"

"Do you know why he wants to keep _his_ last name?"

Leeann shakes her head. "I never asked him."

My Abnegation smile slips out. "Do you think that could make a difference to _you_?"

Leeann thinks. "I guess it could."

I rub her back. "You stay here. I'll be back in a little bit."

Leeann is silent as I walk out.

I close the door behind me and approach Angie, who is sitting on the couch. "Rob and Chaz are roommates, right?"

She nods.

"Can you take me to their place?"

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Rob answers the door.

Angie leans in and hugs him. He holds her tightly.

I hear him whisper to her, "We aren't like them, and it's more than already knowing what last name we're using. We've _never_ fought like they do." The way he reassures her tells me Chaz has been home since the argument. I can only hope he's still there.

Angie nods, but when she finally pulls away from him, her eyes are still troubled.

"Can I talk to Chaz?" I hate to interrupt them, but we're-I'm-here to talk to Chaz.

"Sure." Rob ushers us into their place.

When I see it for the first time, I can understand why Leeann was so interested in getting the apartment we have. There is only one sleeping area here for the five guys who share the room and their kitchen and living room area is less than half the size of ours.

Chaz is seated at the table with a brown bottle clutched in his hand.

"Put that down."

Chaz looks up at me and takes another drink. "Why? She left me."

I grab the bottle from his hand. "Because you and Leeann need to talk, not make ultimatums at each other, and you need to be sober to do that."

"What is there to talk about?" He grabs at the bottle. I move it out of his reach.

I sigh deeply and shake my head at him. "Why does she want to keep Pedrad so badly?"

Chaz shrugs.

"_That's_ why you need to talk. You need to ask her that. You need to tell her why you want to keep your last name so badly. Then the two of you need to decide what you are going to do." I look Chaz straight in the eye. "Without any threats."

Chaz is motionless for a moment, and then he nods slowly. He stands up, but heads to the sleeping area instead of the front door.

"Where are you going?" I demand, trying to decide if I'm brave enough to follow him back there, or if I'm sending Rob in.

Chaz turns around and answers me firmly, "I'm going to get her ring."

* * *

We take the elevator up to the twentieth floor of the Hub. The last time I was here, it was for my Choosing Ceremony. I was Abnegation. I took the stairs. Today, I wait in line for the elevator along with what seems to be half of Dauntless. Everyone else grumbles about the wait, but they've never walked _up_ the 20 flights of steps. I _love_ the elevator, and I don't mind waiting for it.

When we finally exit the elevator, I notice that there is a list of couples posted on the wall next to the door into the Ceremony room. If I ever get married, this will be the way my parents find out who I am about to marry. The week before the ceremony they will be able to find my name in the Erudite newspaper article announcing everyone whose getting married that year. With a logic only Erudite can understand, it is each individual name that is listed and not the couples. Then my family will decide they care enough to come to the ceremony. Our names posted here in the Hub is where they will find out the name of my husband.

Otherwise, they will have to wait until tomorrow when the Erudite paper lists the old names along with the new of all the couples who marry here today.

Since everyone I'm here for is Dauntless-born, their families already know their future spouses, so we skip the hallway filled with transfers looking hopefully for their families, and head straight into the same room we chose in. When we get to the room, it is set up much the same way it was then, circles radiating out.

Everyone finds their faction and has a seat.

* * *

"Angie Donovan and Rob Tucker." Ava calls out Rob Angie and Rob first from all the Dauntless getting married here today. I guess some days, having a last name at the beginning of the alphabet comes in handy. Kelly and Tyson walk up with them.

I steal a glance at Chaz and Leeann as Ava goes through the public ceremony for Rob and Angie. Later, when all of the factions are done, we will head back to Dauntless for our faction's wedding traditions. Chaz and Leeann sit together, holding hands. It's amazing to think that not even a week ago, they were still fighting over last names, and Leeann had even given him her ring back. You sure couldn't tell it now.

"Leeann Pedrad," Ava's voice is loud and clear, cutting into my thoughts, "and Chaz Romanov."

Chaz and Leeann come forward. Chaz's brother, Cade, and I follow them.

"Does anyone know of any reason that Chaz Romanov and Leeann Pedrad should not be married?"

There is a pause as Ava looks around the room. I've never heard of anyone speaking up, but I guess there could always be a first. She must be satisfied, because she continues. "By what name will you be known?"

It is the moment of truth. What have Leeann and Chaz finally decided on? The fights we've endured have been ear-splitting. They called off the marriage three times, that I am aware of, over it. I am curious to see what they finally agreed on. When they talked after I intervened, they came up with an agreement, but they never would tell any of us what it was.

They look at each other and say in unison, "Pedranov."

Ava nods. "Chaz Romanov and Leeann Pedrad have decided to join their lives and their names. They are now Chaz and Leeann Pedranov."

I join the shouting and fist pumping of Dauntless to cheer the new couple.

* * *

Just like when the Choosing Ceremony is over, when the last couple is married, Dauntless jumps up, and we run down the stairs and out of the Hub in a group. Eli grins and winks at me as we watch Nick jump over the railing. I smile back. Eli's close enough to help me if I decide to try and jump the railing today, but we both know I won't do it. Too many people would see it and that could cause questions, and we still aren't sure of the answers to those questions.

So we run close to each other, but not too close, trying not to attract attention. For a moment, I wonder if Eli and I will ever make it this far, but I don't let myself think about it too long. Today is Leeann's and Angie's big day. It's not time for me to be selfish and speculate on _our_ future.

We hit the doors out at a sprint, but suddenly everyone stops.

Abilyn automatically steps forward. Her poise and demeanor change completely, from happy to all business. Her shoulders are squared. Her face is set in a determined mask, empty of all emotion. It's the look of someone on Factionless Patrol at work. Rais and a couple other people I recognize as being on Factionless Patrol step up too.

Chaz moves so he is in front of Leeann, blocking her way and her view of what is going on. His face is set with a blazing anger behind it.

I look to Eli to try to figure out what is going on. He clenches his jaw and steps next to Chaz. I realize then that Nick is on the other side of Chaz. Nick's hands clench and unclench in fists.

I look in front of them, hoping to make sense of what I am seeing. It doesn't help. All I see is a factionless man, who doesn't appear to be threatening anyone. I am not even for sure how I know he's factionless, since he's dressed all in Dauntless black. I guess it is because he seems so gaunt, and because, even though all of his clothes match our faction, they look old and are ill-fitting on him.

"What do you want?" Chaz's voice is hard.

"I want to see her, and to wish both of you good luck." His voice wavers.

"_You_ want to see _her_?" Chaz's voice is incredulous.

The man nods. I notice a tattoo on the back of his right forearm. It has a simple heart with the name "Tonya" inside of it.

Chaz shakes his head. "Why now?"

"Because I screwed up. I got caught up in…" The man's voice trails off. He takes a deep breath and swallows hard before trying again. "I want to apologize to her," his gaze moves from Chaz to Nick, "and to you. I never should have…"

If he had more to say, we don't get to hear it. "That's right," Nick's voice over powers his. "It never should have happened." Nick crosses his arms. "But it did, and you don't get a second chance to hurt her again."

Eli already has his arms crossed. I've never seen the pair of them look so threatening.

I move to try so I can see Leeann, but the guys have her blocked from my angle. I move back into the forming ring of Dauntless. It's almost like the whole faction is trying to keep him away. I finally find a place where I can see her. Her face is stricken. She has tears in her eyes. The guys are so intent on protecting her, from whoever he is, that they have, in another sense, abandoned her. I walk over to her, and she grabs my hand like it is a lifeline. Who _is_ this man?

"I'm glad she has you." I hear him speak again with a soft and wavering voice.

"I've _never_ left her." Chaz's voice is strong, determined. "_I_ _never will_."

The first tear spills onto Leeann's cheek. She turns and blots her face on her shoulder.

"Good." There is a pause. "Take care of my little girl." There is a break in the man's voice. His little girl? All of a sudden it hits me. This is Leeann's father! Taylor made the comment that her brother-in-law couldn't make it on that first Visiting Day, and even though I've never seen her dad, I had never again stopped to think about why he wasn't there, and why I've never met him. I finally know the reason. He couldn't come. The factionless aren't allowed back into the factions they've left, not even to visit on Visiting Day.

"She's not _yours_. _You_ gave up that right." Chaz sounds angry. "She's _my_ _wife_."

Suddenly Leeann drops my hand. She moves forward to the guys. She puts one hand on Nick's shoulder and the other on Chaz's. The guys part slightly for her. She wraps one arm around Nick and gives him a little squeeze. Then she leans over to Chaz, whispers something to him, and kisses his cheek.

"Leeann," her father's voice is choked up, "you look beautiful, as beautiful as your mother."

I hear a sob catch in Leeann's throat.

I shift so I can see her father again.

"Take care of her," he tells Chaz again. "I know you'll do a better job than I did."

His shoulders slump as he turns around and walks away.

**So, I briefly mention the Abnegation wedding ceremony. I got the idea that it would include the feet washing from Cieyl. If you want to see exactly what she wrote to spark my imagination check out her story "100 words" It's chapter "48 Water". The idea isn't as much in the writing as in the author's note. My first Fanfic was based off her author's note. So if you want to read my take on it with Tobias and Tris, check out Random Voices Insurgent. You can find it in my profile.**


	41. Chapter 41- Another Feast Day

**Taylor and Abram – Eli's parents**

**Tonya- Leeann and Nick's mom**

**Evan- Leeann and Nick's dad**

**Jude- (mentioned) Eli's (truly psycho) ex-girlfriend**

**Bekah and Abilyn- two of Hana's roommates**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Gayle and Isaac- (mentioned) Hana's siblings**

**Thank you again, to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story! They always make my day. **

**Thank you to the incomparable Bahrfamily, who as always, has done a fabulous job as Beta! **

**41 Another Feast Day**

There are enough people in Taylor and Abram's apartment that I'm not surprised when I get the feeling of someone standing too close to me. Right now we're waiting to start the festivities, so all I hold is a glass of water in my left hand. A few people hold the brown bottles that contain alcohol, but it makes me feel better to realize that more people have water like me. When I feel someone squeeze my free hand, though, I freeze.

"Hi, Stiff!" Eli's voice is soft, but full of humor.

I look around at all the people filling Taylor and Abram's apartment for Feast Day, hoping no one saw the brief moment he held my hand.

"Eli," I try not to hiss at him, "what if someone saw you?"

"I was careful!" he assures me with a twinkle in his eyes. "Besides, Mom sent me to get you."

I raise my eyebrows questioningly.

"She wants to talk to you in her bedroom." He points to a closed doorway not too far from where we're standing.

I must look as panicked as I feel.

"Don't worry," he leans in and speaks reassuringly. "It's good. I promise you."

I take a deep breath, smelling the lingering scent of metal that comes with Eli and feeling what's starting to become a familiar sensation around my heart. I have to remember not to close my eyes and wrap myself in the feeling of closeness and security. The room is packed with people, and Taylor is waiting for me. I nod at Eli, but before I can walk off, he whispers again, "We're still going to try to slip out of here for a little bit while everyone eats, right?"

I nod. "Just remember I want to eat too, and I have to be at work by five."

Eli nods. "We should be able to do it. Mom plans on starting the feast as soon as she finishes talking to you." He looks pointedly in the direction of her room.

I take that as my signal and head off to talk to his mom. Even having to weave through some of the people she's invited over for Feast Day, I'm at her door way too soon. What does she want to talk to _me_ about?

I knock at the door and hear a soft voice say, "Come in." I open the door and then shut it behind me.

"Hana." She smiles at me from her seat on her bed, but I notice she looks almost as nervous as I feel. "Sit down." She pats the bed near her.

There's something about Taylor that makes you never think of doing anything other than what she asks, so I sit.

"I found out last night that I owe you so much."

"Why do you say that?" I ask, genuinely puzzled by the direction the conversation is going.

Taylor's smile isn't the wide Pedrad smile. It's a smaller, sadder smile. "We had a family dinner last night, so the kids could help me get ready for today. Leeann and Chaz told us what you did when they were fighting about last names." Taylor leans over and holds my face gently in her hand so I'm looking straight at her eyes. I stare straight into them, unable to move. Her eyes are a deep brown with small flecks of gold in them. Eli has her eyes. Right now, hers are brimming with tears. "I owe you for keeping them from doing something stupid. They belong together. They always have, and always will. Leeann…" a tear drips from Taylor's eye. She blots it on her shoulder. "All three of the kids handled Tonya's death and Evan's…" she pauses, searching for the right word, "betrayal differently. Eli was effected the least, but then it was his aunt and uncle not his parents. Nick closed up. Leeann… Leeann…" Taylor takes a deep breath. "Ever since then, Leeann has needed Chaz, she depends on him. I don't know what would happen to her without him." She blinks, and tears fall from each eye. She removes her hand from my face and wipes them away. "Sometimes I worry she's too much like her father." She tucks her lips inside her mouth, like she's afraid that either she's said too much, or that she might say something she's not supposed to if she says any more.

Besides the fact that he's factionless, I don't know anything about Leeann's dad, so I'm not sure why that worries her, but I can tell it does, a lot. "I didn't do much," I protest. I didn't; it's not like I sat in the room and mediated. They did that by themselves.

Taylor laughs. "Leeann said you'd say that, but Hana," she suddenly becomes very serious, "what you have to realize is that they both can be as stubborn as the day is long. They might not have even talked to each other in time to get married this year without you prodding them. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it. I am so glad Leeann has a friend like you."

"I'm glad I have a friend like Leeann." I pause for a moment. I don't know how much Taylor knows about what happened with Jude, but while we're being honest… "I'm glad I have friends like all three of them. You know Nick and Eli saved me, right?"

Taylor presses her lips into a firm line and takes a couple of deep breaths before she speaks. "I know. I also know you wouldn't have been in danger from Jude if my son hadn't been a pansycake and dated her even after I told him she was bad for him."

I shake my head. "Jude would have been after me anyway. I know things about her." I let it end there.

"So do I," Taylor's eyes glint, "and she's never come after me. Eli needs to learn to listen to his mother."

* * *

Eli and I intentionally avoid each other when it's time to eat. I eat standing up, with Tori, Bekah, and Abilyn near the hallway to the bedrooms. Eli sits on the couch, with Leeann tucked between him and Chaz. Nick sits on the floor at Leeann's feet. I try to keep one eye on Eli and both ears on the girls' conversation, but it's hard. Their conversation mainly consists of memories of Feast Days back home in their previous factions. It's nothing I can really relate to, and my mind seems to want to wander, a lot.

I have nothing to add to the conversation. Something tells me my friends really don't want to listen to me reminisce about hearing my stomach rumble while I walked through the Factionless Sector with my family, passing out bags of food to everyone we crossed paths with until we ran out. So all I can do is listen, and that makes Eli even more distracting.

Eli finally finishes his plate and excuses himself from the family group. He puts the plate by the sink like we were all instructed to, and casually walks out of the apartment. I wonder what, if any, excuse he used with his family. I finish my plate and excuse myself. "I think I'm going to check and see how things are going in the control room."

Tori chuckles. "I was right!"

"What's so funny?" I ask her. The fact that she said she was right makes me suspicious that I know what she's right about.

"Tori predicted you'd have to stop by the control room and check on things before your shift." Bekah smiles and shakes her head. "Not that either of us disagreed with her…"

I smile and make a quick face of wrinkling my nose. They laugh at me.

"I won't be too long," I promise and head to the sink to put my plate down.

"Of course you won't!" Abilyn doesn't even attempt to hide the laughter in her voice. "There are dishes for you to help with!"

I hate it when they can read my mind.

Eli is waiting for me by the elevator. "Any problems getting away?"

I shake my head and laugh. "No, it turns out Tori predicted I would leave to check on how things were going in the control room."

The door to the elevator opens then. The car is empty, thankfully. We step in, Eli pushes the button to eight, and the doors slide close. As soon as they do, Eli holds his hand out to me. It's become his habit since I first held his hand when we were playing Candor. I fit my hand into his. It's funny to me just how amazing that simple touch feels.

"How long do you think we can hide away for?" Eli asks me softly.

"Not as long as I'd like." I roll my lips into my mouth and bite them. I can't believe I just said that!

Eli smiles at me. "That's a given, for both of us, Hana."

The elevator slows down, and there's a "ding" of the door about to open. Automatically, we let go of each other's hand and take a step apart. We're only on the tenth floor.

Fortunately, it's someone that I don't know, and although Eli nods at him when he walks in, the fact that they don't say anything to each other makes me think Eli doesn't know him, either.

We're at the eighth floor quickly, and when the doors open again, both Eli and I slip out. When the doors close behind us, Eli looks over at me. "This way." He doesn't take my hand. I know why. Anyone could come up here. This is way too public, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the feeling of his strong hand wrapped around mine.

He leads me to a room with no sign on the door indicating what's in it.

"Where are we?" I ask as he opens the door and motions for me to go in first.

"Disputed territory." He grins and wags his eyebrows at me.

"What?"

Eli walks over to one of the abandoned tables and perches on top of it. I've noticed that he likes to sit on things high enough for his legs to dangle. Mine dangle everywhere. It reminds me that I'm short, and I hate it. I guess that's why I usually tuck them up under me. Eli pats the table next to him and I hoist myself up. Eli's hand is open on his knee, just waiting for my hand. As soon as I'm seated, I place my hand in his. "About five years ago, the control room wanted to move. They got permission to move up here, but before they could start remodeling, tech support made a case that they needed more room, too." He uses our joined hands to point at the wall in front of us. "We're just on the other side of that wall."

I nod.

"Leadership decided that, until the two groups can work something out, no one moves." Eli grins at me. "So it's empty and just waiting for someone from the control room and from tech support to come up with a compromise."

I let out a small laugh. "Like us?"

Eli laughs, too. "I don't think we're what they had in mind when they decided that, but we might be the perfect couple to come up with the compromise."

We're both quiet for a second. I know I'm surprised that Eli referred to us as a couple. Maybe the reason he's quiet because he didn't really mean that, or because he doesn't know how I'll take that idea. I can't think of anything to say, and the silence starts to feel long.

"So, do you miss your family a lot on days like today?" Eli asks softly.

I shake my head. "Not as much as, say, Bekah or Abilyn miss theirs." I leave Tori out. She doesn't miss her parents, just George. "The holiday is so different that it just doesn't remind me of home like it does them."

Eli nods. "I guess that makes sense. From what you said last year, we celebrate it in such different ways."

"We do," I agree. I hadn't really thought much about my family today, but now I do. Without meaning to, I lean my head on Eli's arm. My head lines up with the top of his shoulder.

"So, what's your family like?" he asks softly. "You've actually met mine, but I know almost nothing about yours."

I think for a moment. What do I tell? Then I take a deep breath. "Mom and Dad both work for the government. I'm sure that's not a big surprise. Mom's in resource allocation."

"Resource allocation?" Eli questions.

"She's part of the group that decides, for example, how many pounds of apples each faction is going to get."

Eli nods. "What's she like?"

"Abnegation. Quiet, thoughtful, reflective. She always seems to be watching everyone else. She's the one who taught me to observe everyone and everything closely. She does it naturally but figured out how to teach me."

Eli rubs the back of my hand. "I like her already."

I make myself move on. If I think too much about any one person in my family, I'll end up crying. "Dad's always expected more. He was disappointed in me, as an Abnegation child. I think he's the first one who realized I wouldn't stay. Once he accepted the fact that I would probably leave, he let me know that no matter where I went, he expected me to do my best." I smile. "I don't think Dauntless ever crossed his mind, though."

"You have a sister, right?"

"Gayle," I nod. "She's older than me and stayed in Abnegation. We shared a room from the time Isaac, my brother, was born, until she went through her Choosing Ceremony. For Abnegation siblings, we're pretty close." Suddenly I laugh.

"What?"

"When she comes on Visiting Day, she always finds a time when we're alone to ask me if I've found her a brother-in-law yet!" Then I realize what I've said. It's not like we've discussed if that's even a possibility. "It's a pretty nosy question for an Abnegation to ask," I finish quietly.

Eli squeezes my hand. "I guess if we're still dating in six months…"

I shrug. "Even if we're not, I'll at least be able to tell her something next time."

Another silence descends upon us. What will I tell Gayle? Best not to worry about that now. That's almost six months in the future.

"Isaac is my younger brother. Although I discovered this past Visiting Day that I can't call him my 'little brother' any more. He was looking me straight in the eye! By now, he's probably taller than me…" my voice trails off.

Eli squeezes my hand, letting me know he's there.

I look up at him and give him a small smile. "I'm glad I'm here, but sometimes it's hard."

He nods. "I'm sure it is."

I need to change the subject. I can't think any more about the family I left behind. "So, has your mom always made such a big deal about Feast Day?"

Eli shakes his head. "Feast Day used to be a family day. We'd have Aunt Tonya's family over and Grandma and Grandpa, and that was about it." Eli looks down at our joined hands and rubs his thumb back and forth over my knuckles. "The first year after Aunt Tonya died, I'm not sure we even had Feast Day. We ate in the cafeteria and tried to pretend it was a normal day. By the next year, Mom decided to go overboard on it. She invites ANYONE she thinks might be on their own. It's gotten a little out of hand," he says dryly.

I smile. "Well, speaking as one of those people who wouldn't have anywhere to go, I'm glad she does it."

"When you put it that way, I am too." Eli's eyes hold mine for a moment, and then he looks down at his watch. "It's later than I thought. We'd better get back."

I let go of his hand and sit up straight.

He pushes off of the table and puts his hands on my waist to help me down. When my feet are on the floor I look down at his feet for a moment, marveling at how tiny they make mine look.

"Hana." I look up at him. "I don't know where this is going."

I nod. "I know. Neither of us does."

His eyes look troubled.

"Are you okay?"

He nods. "I just never expected to find you. I always thought it would be just Nick and me…" His voice trails off. "And now…"

I take his hand in mine. "Eli, I'm not trying to pressure you. Nothing's changed. We're still trying to figure this out, right? And if we decide we're better off as friends, then…" I shrug, trying to be more casual than I really feel. "Then we'll be friends."

Eli nods.

Part of me is disappointed at his response. I'm not sure I can be just friends any more.


	42. Chapter 42- Norton

**Dr. Caroline- (mentioned) Hana's doctor when Jude gave her the concussion.)**

**Sultana- (mentioned) One of Hana's supervisors from the control room, and Amar's grandmother**

**Norton- (Ok, Norton is mentioned in Allegiant, but in case you've forgotten him,) he was the leader of Erudite before Jeanine.**

**42 Norton**

"I need your help. _Now_."

My head whips to the side, where someone has frantically grabbed my arm. My forehead deepens with wrinkles. It's Natalie; at least, I think it is. The black hair in a tight bun at the base of her neck is all wrong, but those green eyes are definitely hers.

"Natalie?" I ask softly.

She nods.

"I'm headed to work," I whisper.

She shakes her head. "Hana, I need you _now_. I've got work covered. Come on." She tugs on my arm, and I follow her to the Crevice room. The whole way my mind is working overtime, wondering what has happened to make her seem so frantic.

As soon as we slip through the crack and are safely in the room, I ask her, "What's going on?"

She points to a collection of mismatched clothes. "Put those on. I know they won't fit, but that's okay. I'll explain while we dress."

I nod and grab the top item. It's a gray Abnegation t-shirt about two sizes too big, with some zig-zagged black stitching across it, covering up a couple of tears.

"Norton had heart surgery." Natalie slips on a blue outfit that matches what Doctor Caroline wore. "It took me two days to find out what was going on. The Bur- the people outside the fence couldn't figure it out at first, either."

I pull the shirt on over my head and find Natalie staring at me. Her green eyes seem even more intense than normal. "That's bad, isn't it?"

Natalie lets out a loud puff of air. "Norton having any surgery is bad enough, but heart surgery that they are hiding it makes it worse." Her eyes hold mine. "Much worse."

I scramble into the yellow overalls with a blue patch on one knee. "Is he alive?"

"As far as we know." Natalie holds something small and round on the tip of her finger. She touches it to her eye. Suddenly it changes to a muddy brown. She does the same with the other eye. I'm not sure I would have recognized her if she had approached me looking like this.

I take a deep breath. "Let's go."

Natalie nods and we head toward the end of the tunnel where the electric cart waits.

I have to pull up the overalls as I climb in. I need to put a couple of rolls in the cuffs. I lean over to do that, and ask Natalie, "Why am I dressed as Factionless while you are an Erudite doctor?"

Natalie starts up the cart and follows the blue arrows towards Erudite. "I'm dressed as a nurse, actually. We can't find Norton's medical records on the server. They just disappeared." She bites her lip. "I came across a computer in the hospital that's not on the server. I need to get in and check it."

I nod. That makes sense for her outfit, but it doesn't explain why she needs me, and why she needs me dressed as factionless.

"Jeanine is supposed to come to see Norton for the first time tonight." Natalie looks over at me. "Factionless clean the hospital rooms. You can keep an eye, and maybe even an ear, on what happens in that conversation, while I check the computer. I _need_ to you find out everything you can, about _everything_ they talk about."

Natalie shows me where the cleaning supplies are kept and points the way to Norton's private hospital room. "Jeanine should be here in thirty minutes. Keep your head down as much as possible, and stay in the room. Try to remember _everything_, no matter how small. You never know what is going to end up being important. When Jeanine leaves, try to wait about ten minutes, then leave and meet me down here. I'll be here as soon as I can."

"What do you want me to do if Jeanine kicks me out of the room?" I ask. I could see Jeanine making me leave. Natalie hands me a pen like the one in my goodie bag.

"Try to drop this on the floor near his bed when you first get there; start the recording then."

I put the pen in my pocket.

"You've become good at sleight of hand; if anyone notices you picking it up at the end, ask them if _this_ pen is theirs." She hands me another pen almost identical to the one that records. "Keep the recording pen and give them this one. If you have to leave the room, hopefully they won't notice it, and you can go back in after Jeanine leaves. You'll need to finish cleaning the room and pick it up then."

I nod and put the regular pen in my other pocket. It would be a very bad thing to mix them up.

Norton is sleeping when I get to his room, so it is easy to start the recording and start cleaning the room before Jeanine gets there. She hardly gives me a second glance. I guess being Factionless, in her eyes, makes me a non-person, and therefore, she doesn't even consider the fact that I might be spying on her.

I finish cleaning the window and start mopping the floor, as she pulls a chair close to his bed

"Norton?" Jeanine's voice is slightly softer than a person would normally talk, with a cold edge to it.

I let my eyes flick up from the floor and see Norton's eyes flutter open. "Jeanine." His voice still sounds rusty, like it did on our Choosing Day. "Thank you for coming."

Jeanine leans forward on her chair, and I quickly look back down at my mopping. Just in case she happens to look at me, I want to seem Factionless, invisible.

"Of course I came, Norton. I would have come earlier, but…"

Norton waves off what she has to say. "I told them not to let you in until now." I feel his eyes on me, but when I chance a glance, he's looking at Jeanine. "I wanted to talk to you when we were least likely to be interrupted."

"What do you need to tell me?"

"There is a great danger in our city." Norton clears his voice, making it temporarily sound stronger. "If something happens to me, you, with your stellar IQ, should take over after me. I need to make sure you know about it, and that you know what to do."

"What is it?"

"There are people here who don't belong here. They don't fit into the Faction system. You need to find them, and destroy them." Norton's voice becomes agitated.

"What do you mean, they don't fit into the Faction system?" Jeanine asks him.

"You, Jeanine Matthews, are Erudite to the core, and you might find this hard to believe, but it's the truth! You are logical. You don't worry about taking care of someone else unless they can help you. The most logical thing to do is to make sure you survive, first. You don't care about peace; if war is what is needed to accomplish a goal, then war you will have. You won't let a little thing like the truth keep you from reaching your goals. You can reason yourself out of your fear, but if you see a reason for your fear, you will find a logical of dealing with it. Is that correct?"

I steal another glance at Jeanine; she nods. I keep moving my mop across the floor, slowly and precisely.

"These people, these Divergents," he spits the word out like it could hurt him, "they aren't like you and me. They might think, for example, that logically, it makes sense to take care of other people, that it is _reasonable_ to put someone else's needs above their own. They might be as intelligent as any Erudite, and as selfless as any Abnegation at the same time. There is no way to control them, to predict what they are going to do. If we do not do something about them, they will be the end of the Faction system. They will wipe us out."

"How will I know who they are?" Jeanine's voice becomes even colder, harder.

I put the mop in the bucket and rinse it out. I chance a quick look at Norton. There is a cruel smile on his lips. "I don't have the whole thing figured out yet, but they seem to know that the aptitude test isn't real."

"They experience Simulation Awareness?" Jeanine's voice is between disbelief and excitement. "That's impossible. It seems so real."

"I know," Norton responds quickly, "but somehow, they can tell. If something happens to me, here's a rundown of what I am working on, what you need to work on finishing. You can find the details on my computer in my lab, the one that _isn't_ on the network. It's the work of a lifetime, and it's already taken most of mine. Be patient with it. Do it right, not quickly. There will be no second chance, if the Divergent find out you are looking for them."

"What do I need to do?" I watch Jeanine sit forward on her seat while I mop the floor next to her, careful to avoid the pen that I dropped.

"Remake the simulation. You must create a way for there to be more than one result. The Divergent often will have more than one result. You must finish the Dauntless Fear Serum you started making. Once you have it right- and you are definitely getting closer- retest all of Dauntless that you can get them to allow you to do. The Divergent won't be able to hide there after that. They will do whatever they need to do to overcome their fears. Including doing things that will let you know they are aware it isn't real. When we know _all_ the Divergent are gone, it will allow us to work with Dauntless. We _need_ to work with Dauntless. If this gets out of hand, they are our first line of defense." He pauses, then adds, "Or offence."

"I can do that," Jeanine assures him. "Anything else?"

"Kill all the Divergent you discover. Try to make it look like an accident wherever possible. We don't want anyone to figure it out. And use that phenomenal brain of yours. Put it to the test so you can figure out how to keep the Divergents out of our city. They will cause the end of everything we hold dear." Norton's voice sounds tired. "Let me rest now. Hopefully I'll be out of here in three or four more days. We can talk more then. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were up against. Just in case…"

I hear Jeanine's chair move. I make sure I am out of her way and concentrating on getting the floor spotless.

"Oh, one more thing." Norton's voice is soft. I can barely make it out. "The Abnegation are the government."

"I know."

"That means they know _everything_. What's his name, your mom's cousin's son?"

"Andrew?" Jeanine responds.

The name instantly catches my attention. I focus on what they are saying, while keeping my eyes trained on the floor I am cleaning. I can't let them think for a moment that I'm listening.

"That's him." Norton sounds excited that she knows who he is talking about. "He went to Abnegation, didn't he?"

"Yes." Jeanine's voice is even harder. "He shouldn't have left."

"Of course not. His aptitude was Erudite," Norton agrees.

"Is he one of them?" Jeanine sounds horrified.

"I don't think so. Keep an eye on Andrew. Like you said, he shouldn't have left. I saw the results of his Aptitude Test. I watched him grow up. I saw how he acts in real life. He really has very little aptitude for Abnegation. We need to figure out what made such a brilliant mind like his leave. We can't let it become a trend."

Norton is asleep again within minutes of Jeanine leaving. I finish mopping the floor and quietly go back to the bed. I bend down and pick up the pen, putting it in my pocket and pulling out the other one before I stand back up.

Norton is looking at me.

I hold the pen out to him.

"Did you find that under my bed?" he asks me.

I nod, still holding it out to him. Even though Natalie didn't say anything to me about it, something tells me not to talk to him if I can help it.

He takes it from me and looks at it closely before declaring, "It's not mine. Don't think I've ever seen Jeanine with one like it, either." He studies the pen for a moment.

I just watch him.

He holds it back out to me. "Check at the nurses' station. It's a nice pen; maybe one of the doctors dropped it while they were in here."

I take the pen back and nod. After gathering up my things, I leave.

"What did you discover?" Natalie asks me when we're headed back to Dauntless on the electric cart.

"You have the whole conversation recorded," I assure her. Then give her a quick rundown of what they said about the Divergent. I study her for a brief moment, and then decide to tell her the rest.

"They also discussed an Erudite who transferred to Abnegation. Andrew?"

Natalie nods.

"They said he shouldn't have transferred to Abnegation."

Natalie sighs deeply. "Anything else?"

"He just told Jeanine to keep an eye on him."

"I guess I'll have to keep an eye on him, too." Natalie sounds very determined.

"What happened with the control room?" I finally think to ask Natalie after we have changed back to our regular clothes and we prepare to go our separate ways.

"Oh! I'm glad you remembered!" Natalie gives her head a little shake. "They think that you had an upset stomach from something you ate, and that you were in and out of the bathroom all night."

"Why would they think that?"

"Because," Natalie smiles grimly, "I told them to."

"What happened to you last night?" Eli corners me as we put up our trays from breakfast.

"What?" My heart stops. This isn't good. How does he know anything happened to me last night?

"I stopped by to talk to Sultana last night. I was hoping to see you." His eyes have a worried look to them. "She said you'd been in and out of the bathroom with a stomach problem. I talked to her as long as I dared, but you never showed up. Are you okay?"

I give him a weak smile. I was right. This isn't good. "I was afraid I was going to be sick. Every time I tried to leave the bathroom, it seemed to start again," I lie. "I'm feeling much better now. But I probably should try to get some extra sleep."

The worried look remains in his eyes, but he nods. "You do that."

We move away from the line and try to act casual as we walk side by side out of the cafeteria.

"Think you'll feel better tomorrow after work?"

"Why?" I try to hide my smile.

"Because Nick has plans when you get off work, so I thought maybe you and I could find somewhere quiet and spend some time together, since he won't be around."

"Then I'm sure I will."

"Does that mean I make you feel better?" Eli's voice is teasing.

"Seeing you does." I just hope Natalie doesn't have another emergency…


	43. Chapter 43 - Eli's Risk

**Grace (mentioned) (She is a very small character in Allegiant): One of Hana's friends in Abnegation**

**Sultana: Control room supervisor, mother of one of Eli's best friends, Rais (which makes her Amar's grandmother)**

**Connor: Co-worker in control room**

**Thank you to Bahrfamily for doing double duty on this chapter. Not only did she edit and critique it as usual, but she acted as publisher when I didn't have the access to!**

**43 Eli's Risk**

**_I hate to do this to you, but I need you to work the overnight shift on New Year's Eve (Dauntless' Risk Day.)_** Natalie's message is on the tablet when I check it in the morning after everyone else has gone to work.

**_They asked for volunteers two days ago, but I can probably still get on._** I respond back.

**_You didn't volunteer?!_** Even though she has it written down, I can almost hear the shock in her voice. **_Then I really hate asking you._**

I smile as I type back. **_Believe it or not, I didn't volunteer, but if you need me, I'm there. No problem._**

The next day, I read her response. **_Thank you. You're a lifesaver. I'll get you put on the roster. You don't need to do anything. I'll meet you in my old room a week from today, after you're off work. Jude's on patrol that night._**

**_Make it an hour later. Just to be safe._** I don't write the truth. Make it an hour later so I can have a little time with Eli. Natalie doesn't need to know about him. Not yet, at least.

* * *

"We'll start with Hana," Leeann says as I sit down next to her.

"What and why are we starting with Hana?" I question apprehensively.

"We're trying to come up with ideas for what we are going to do for Risk day earlier this year." Tori smiles and winks at me. I smile back, remembering how Leeann made fun of those of us who transferred last year, for working on our old faction traditions for the differently named days.

"Count me out," I say as I take a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

"Why?" Leeann sounds suspicious. "Are you working, or do you have a date?"

"Leeann…" Nick's voice holds a warning to her about the date comment.

I look over at Nick and smile. "Give her some slack on that one. I would consider that a risk." I don't let myself even glance at Eli as I say that.

Eli laughs, as does most of the table.

"I have to work," I admit.

"Hana!" Leeann's voice has a slight whine to it. "Why did you volunteer?"

I shrug and don't correct her. I didn't volunteer with the control room, but I did volunteer to help out Natalie by working. "I worked the day after, last year. This year, they gave me the evening/overnight shift. I'll come up with something to do on my own."

Leeann huffs at me. "Anyone else working that night?"

"I'm on call," Eli speaks up.

I didn't know that.

"So we can't leave the compound?" Leeann sounds put out at her cousin.

"You can leave the compound," Eli assures her. "I'll hang around here, by myself, if I have to."

"But…" Leeann starts, but Tori cuts her off.

"I have to work at the tattoo parlor until it closes. Lots of tattoos are done that day."

"Maybe Hana should get one, since she's working," Eli teases.

I finally look at him and shake my head. "I don't have anything that needs to go on my body permanently."

"Just remember when you do…" Tori starts.

I laugh and shake my head at her, too. "Do you really think I'd pick Bud over you? I already promised you that if I ever get one, you get to do it."

* * *

Eli has assured me we'll have some better meeting places once the weather is warmer, but for now, we usually meet at the net. He's checked a couple other places he had thought might work, but he always seems to find other people there, and since the idea is still for no one to know we're seeing each other… the net it is.

"So, when did you plan on telling me you were working?" Eli asks me when I join him there. He's not mad, but he's not happy either.

"I just found out today." I look him in the eye.

"I thought you said you weren't going to volunteer." He sounds accusing now.

"I didn't." I'm glad Natalie just had my name put on the list. "When were you going to tell me you were on call?" I fire back.

"I found out today, too." Eli sounds resigned. "I had hoped you would be able to pretend to be sick or something and we could spend the evening together."

"I'll still have my breaks."

"True." Eli takes my hand and squeezes it. "I was just hoping we'd have more time than a break."

I smile at that.

It's hard to leave Eli, but I use the excuse that Abilyn will be off patrol soon. I tell him that she'll notice if I'm gone. So he tells me good-bye at the net. I walk past the door that leads down to the Crevice room, glad that Natalie said her old room instead of there. If we were meeting in the Crevice room, I'd have to figure out how get Eli to leave first, which is hard to do, or else I'd have to double back. Instead, after the first turn, I glance over my shoulder to make sure I don't see Eli and then take the wrong turn that leads me to Natalie's old room.

I check the hallway, then twist the switch on the light and open the door. Natalie is, as usual, sprawled across one of the chairs. "How early do you get here?" I ask. I'm five minutes early and she's already here.

"It depends," Natalie shrugs, "on how stifling Abnegation feels that day."

I smile. I remember it feeling that way, too. I sit down on the other chair. "How bad was today?"

"Pretty bad." Natalie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "It was one of those days where I was around people all day." She runs her fingers through her hair. "All day being the perfect Abnegation…Sometimes I really miss Dauntless."

"Not life on the other side of the fence?" I ask curiously. She's said before that there aren't the same expectations.

She looks thoughtful, and then responds softly, "No, too many things happened on the other side of the fence. I don't plan on ever going back."

I had never thought to ask her if she would leave at some point in time. I'm surprised that I find it comforting to know she has no plans to leave. "So, what's going on?"

"Something new." She sits up straight. "Norton is having a party on Results day. I need to know everything that goes on at that party."

"You can't get that from the people on the other side?"

"I could," Natalie agrees, "but it would take a lot of work to get the recordings to me. So…" She hands me a drive like the ones I normally use, but this one isn't marked. "Put in this drive when your shift starts." She hands me a slip of paper. "Then type in the commands on here. The first one will make it so they can't trace the commands you use. The next line will start the recording of the cameras I need from the party. The third line will make your commands visible again. The party will end about two AM. Use the second set of commands then."

I look it over to make sure I can read all of it. The handwriting is small and neat; it's easy to read. I find myself nodding as I read through it. It will take a little work to memorize it, but it shouldn't be impossible. When I'm sure I can read the whole thing, I look back up at Natalie. "When do I get the drive back to you?"

"The next morning when you get off work, I'll meet you in the Pit. Just pass it to me when we shake hands."

I fold my fingers around the drive. "Anything else?"

Natalie shakes her head. "No, that's it for today."

I allow myself a moment of nostalgia. "How's Grace?"

* * *

"Eli!" Sultana's voice causes me to look up from my screen. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd come say Happy Risk Day to you." Eli gives her a quick hug.

Sultana chuckles. "Happy Risk Day."

"No computer issues?" Eli asks.

"You must be on call," Sultana responds.

Eli nods. "And a bit bored."

"Well, no one has told me they're having problems, but feel free to check, if you need something to do."

"Thanks." Eli flashes a grin at her. He walks over to Conner first. I try to concentrate on my screen and not on what they are saying, but it's hard. Conner's desk is right next to mine, and Eli positions himself in between us. He brushes up against me. The first time I count it as an accident. The second and third time, I realize it's intentional. I glance over at him after the third time. He winks at me, pulls his hand out of his pocket, and I see something fall out of his pocket. I move my foot to cover it. I'll wait until after he has left to pick it up.

He finally turns to me. "Everything okay with your computer?" Eli's voice is amazingly normal, or at least, it seems normal to me. I'm afraid my voice will sound funny if I try to talk with him right now, so I just nod.

Eli grins at me. That grin tells me he knows exactly what he is doing. "The group decided to play Dare." I nod again. I had heard that from Bekah."Tori got off an hour ago, and they left about thirty minutes ago."

Ahh! Now I realize why he's telling me this. I think I'm back under control, so I try my voice. "Hopefully they have a good time."

"I'm sure they will. I'll see you later."

"Later," I echo back. I listen carefully for his footsteps to fade away. I glance at Conner; he's back to the glazed look of boredom that so many of us have half-way through the holiday shifts, especially the overnight ones.

I stretch and look over my shoulders at Sultana. Her nose is buried in her computer, so it should be safe to pick up the note Eli dropped for me. I lean forward with my elbow on my thigh and rest my chin on my fist. My other hand moves down and grabs the paper. I lift it up and open it under the desk. "People are using the net for Risk. Come to Nick's and my place when you have a break." I take a deep breath. I guess I know what my real Risk is this year. I'll just have to come up with one that I can tell Leeann or anyone else, if they ask.

* * *

Conner's break is first. I wait impatiently for his break to be over so I can take mine.

"He's back. Your turn," Sultana informs me.

Evidently I've hidden my impatience and the way I was watching for Conner better than I thought. I wait until Conner has picked up his cameras again before I log out and hand mine over to him and Sultana.

I don't have much time, so I walk quickly to the elevator. It feels like forever until it shows up. I tap my foot impatiently as I ride it down to the Pit. I keep an eye out for anyone I might know in the Pit, but except for several couples making out by the Chasm and a few other people milling about, it is emptier than I expected. I hope that doesn't mean Nick is back.

My heart is pounding by the time I reach the door to Eli's and Nick's apartment. I knock and adjust my clothes as I wait for the door to open, praying all the while that it is Eli who will open it.

It is. He opens the door and motions me in. Our hands link on their own as soon as the door closes behind us.

"I was hoping you wouldn't take much longer."

"Conner's break was first."

Eli nods. He tugs on my hand and silently leads me to the couch. I sit down first, near the arm, and tuck my feet up under me. Eli smiles and sits next to me. His hand reaches out and brushes against my cheek. "How's your night been?"

I smile. "Exactly how you would expect: boring."

"Boring is always good in the control room."

"I keep hearing that, but I still don't know what it looks like when it's not boring."

Eli lets his head rest on the back of the sofa and chuckles. "I never saw that, either. That's part of the reason I jumped at the job in Tech Support when it was offered to me." There is a moment of silence. "I would have to guess that the night Max and Jude were attacked by the Factionless man would have been exciting. You weren't working that day?"

I shake my head. "I was still in initiation."

"That's right. Sometimes it seems like you've been here longer than you have."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You can call it that. Sometimes it seems like you've been here forever."

"Sometimes it feels like it to me, too."

We look at each other, just holding each other's gaze. "Stay," Eli suddenly whispers. "Don't go back to work."

A feeling that is becoming more and more familiar when he is around swirls around my chest. I feel it growing and filling me. I want to agree. Oh, how I want to agree. "I can't." My voice is choked.

"I know."

My eyes leave him and check my watch. "I need to go." My voice is small. I start to move off the couch and away from him.

"Hana."

I stop at the sound of his voice.

He stands and takes my hand in his. He pulls me to my feet. My heart is suddenly pounding. "It's just for Risk Day. I won't do it again without your permission." He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses the back of my hand. I'm so startled that I don't do anything. My heart races as I realize, I just let him kiss me. He keeps it brief. He keeps hold of my hand, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand, like he is rubbing the kiss in. "Hana…?" His voice is unsure.

I look up at him.

"I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't have…" His voice trails off.

"It was just for Risk Day." My voice is tentative. I swallow. "I'll see you tomorrow, after work." It's the closest I can come to reassuring him that everything is okay. Then, suddenly, I realize that there is something else I can do. I take a step closer to him and before I can stop myself, I take _my_ risk. I let go of his hand and wrap my arms around him in a hug. For a moment, he doesn't respond. He just kissed me – well, my hand –can't he even hug me back? I'm about to move away from him, thinking that I shouldn't have taken this risk, when his arms wrap around me.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. "Are you sure you can't stay longer?" he whispers.

Reluctantly, I let go of him and step back. "I'm sure." But my voice doesn't sound sure.

Eli holds out his hand to me. I slowly put my hand into his. We walk together to the door. "I promise I won't do it again until…"

I nod. "It's okay, Eli. It really is, because it's Risk Day." My voice sounds more like I mean it this time than it did before.

I walk away and try not to look back at him, but when I get to the spot in the hallway where I need to turn, I pause and look back towards his apartment. He's still there, watching me walk away. I give him a small smile, and he waves back at me.

Thankfully, I'm alone in the elevator. I lean against the wall, letting my head fall back against it. I hugged Eli, and I liked the way it felt. I liked it a lot. What am I going to do?


	44. Chapter 44-Trina and Jude

**Abilyn, Bekah, Kelly: Hana's roommates**

**Angie (Mentioned): friend and former roommate of Hana's**

**Chaz and Rob (Mentioned): Leeann's and Angie's husbands**

**Conner (mentioned): co-worker of Hana's**

**Jude: Eli's ex-girlfriend; she threatened Angie, Kelly, Natalie, and Hana at different times.**

**Trina (mentioned): Kelly's older sister. Covered for Jude about injuries Jude had given Kelly. She was a Dauntless fighter and died in a fight.**

**For the record, you all owe Bahrfamily for your favorite part (at least from the reviews) of the last chapter. When she read the chapter the first time she told me Eli needed to do more than just give Hana a hug... She was right... as usual!**

**And not only do I owe her a big thank you for her normal steller Beta skills, but... I currenly have sketchy internet service, I also owe her for her new aquired publishing skills! Thank you for helping us keep this going until things are back to normal!**

**44 Trina and Jude**

It helps that Eli and I already have plans to get together a couple of hours after dinner, when Abilyn suddenly springs on me that tonight is a "girls' night" for dinner. The single girls, and married ones if we can pry them away from their husbands, are eating together. No men allowed. She won't even give us a little clue as to why she is suddenly springing this on us.

So we find a table away from our normal one and have a seat. We've just started filling our plates when I notice that Eli and Nick are headed towards us, not towards the regular group.

"Keep moving," Abilyn tells Eli and Nick as they get ready to sit down with us.

Nick raises one eyebrow in question.

"We've declared it a girls' night,"Abilyn tells them firmly. "You can either go sit with the old married couples," she points to where our married friends sit in our normal spot, "or you can start a guy's night out somewhere else."

Eli shakes his head and reaches up to turn his new nose ring. He got it a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not used to it yet. He seems to like it, or at least he seems to like playing with it.

I stretch out my head from one side of my neck to the other, and then bring both shoulders up in a huge shrug. I hope to everyone but Eli, it looks like I'm stretching out my neck. Eli, hopefully, realizes I'm trying to tell him this whole idea is out of my hands.

"What do you think?" There's an edge of laughter to Eli's voice. "Should we let them have their girls' night, or should we crash it?"

Abilyn's patrol face comes out.

Nick takes a step back and smiles. He's not really intimidated by her, but he's finding it fun to pretend. At least, that's what I think the smile means. "Let's go, Eli," he says in a falsetto voice. "We can gossip somewhere else tonight."

We all laugh as the guys walk off.

"So…" Abilyn leans in towards the middle of the table. My mind quickly tries to think if there is anything she may have seen between Eli and me that I need to be prepared to cover for, because I'm fairly certian if we slip up the person who will catch us will be Abilyn. "I would have set this girls' night for tomorrow. Then we could have given the guys some warning, and maybe even pried Leeann and Angie away from the Chaz and Rob, but _someone_ has plans tomorrow night." She looks over at Bekah, who looks amused.

Bekah just shrugs.

"Does anyone know Conner?" Abilyn surprises me by asking.

"Conner?" I echo the name back quickly, relieved that this doesn't appear to have anything to do with Eli. "As in, Conner from the Control Room?"

"I guess so…" Abilyn's eyes light up. "What do you know about him?"

Bekah turns red and shakes her head in disbelief.

"I can't tell you much. We're off so far in rotation, that I only work with him on the occasional holiday or when one of us is covering for someone else." I look at her curiously. "Why?"

"Turns out, I was behind on my tetanus shot. So they took me to the infirmary last night to get it."

Kelly shudders, as expected, at the thought of a shot.

"Conner was there." Abilyn eyes Bekah, who shakes her head at Abilyn. "He was in there to get stiches after a fight and kept his eyes on our Bekah the _whole_ time."

"He did _not_," Bekah protests weakly.

Abilyn laughs. "When Bekah made a comment about what the other guy must look like, Conner laughed and told her, 'He looks much better than me. I'm a lover, not a fighter.' Smooth, isn't he?"

"Trina always wanted to be a fighter." Our heads swing in unison in the direction of a soft voice that has entered the conversation, uninvited. It surprises me when Jude, the owner of the voice, sits down next to Kelly.

Kelly looks over at her, hope in her eyes. "I know."

"When I graduated top female fighter, she came to me and asked me to help her fight." Jude shrugs. "I agreed to help her."

Kelly nods. I'm assuming she's acknowledging that she already knew this.

"She was good, but not great." Jude leans forward on the table. "She wanted it so badly, though. She worked with me at every chance she got."

"I remember." Kelly's voice is soft. "She practiced when you weren't available, too."

Jude smiles and nods. Evidently she knew that already. "When they gave Patrol a chance to work with the actual fighters, I managed to work it out so Trina could come in and watch. She studied every move they made. She practiced every chance she got."

"And she made it…" There are tears in Kelly's voice and in her eyes.

Jude nods. "When she was the top fighter in her class and got offered the job, she told me she owed it all to me. She said she owed me one."

"So after…" I can see Kelly struggling with what to say.

"I threatened you," Jude supplies for her, an unreadable look on her face.

Kelly nods. Evidently she can accept that description even though from what I understand Jude should have said after she beat Kelly up. "You called in a favor." Kelly's voice is flat and matter-of-fact.

"I did," Jude admits, but then quickly amends, "but not with Trina. I didn't say anything to her. She just did it. I didn't know she was going to. There were a couple of people on patrol who owed me favors. I figured them saying I was with them would be enough."

There is silence.

"I never thought… I never realized… I never expected…" Jude doesn't seem to be quite sure what to say.

Kelly nods.

Jude sits there for another moment, then gets up. "I just thought you'd like to know." She turns to walk away and almost runs into Eli and Nick, who evidently saw what was going on and came over to our table to check on us – to check on me. Eli's face is a mask, void of emotion. I have learned to read his eyes well enough, though, to see there is fear in them. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't trust Jude to be this close to me.

Jude ignores Nick and focuses her attention on Eli. "Eli, I just…" Her voice is soft.

Eli gives her a brief nod, and she holds his eyes for a moment, looking for something in them. She must not find what she is looking for, because without another word, she moves on.

Nick soundlessly slips into the now empty seat by Kelly. Kelly looks at him and gives a weak smile. Then she turns to Abilyn expectantly. "Well…?"

Abilyn looks at Jude's retreating form and then back at Kelly. "I'm not sure." Her voice is hesitant. "Jude's hard to read."

"What's your best guess?" Eli asks. Without me noticing, he's moved over to my empty side. He sits down after he asks the question.

Everyone looks at Abilyn. I take advantage of the distraction and reach out to take Eli's hand under the table. I give it a brief squeeze so he knows I'm okay and then move my hand away. I know it couldn't have been easy for him to be somewhere else and see her join the group I was with, but I'm okay. I want to assure him of that.

"My best guess is that she is hiding at least part of the truth. She believes she's told you the truth, but she also knows she's leaving something out." Abilyn shrugs. "Like I said, she's hard to read."

"Are you okay?" Nick turns to Kelly.

Kelly nods. "I'm okay. I really thought Jude had threatened her, so to find out she just did it…"

"We don't know that." Eli cuts in. "Abilyn said she wasn't sure."

"Who gave her the alibi?" Abilyn asks slowly.

"Zane, who she's now dating, and Paula, who was dating him at the time," Nick supplies.

Abilyn tilts her head and thinks for a minute. "I don't see any point in talking to Zane if they're dating, but when you see her, point out Paula to me. _She's_ the one I'd like to talk to."

It's a good thing Eli and I already had plans to meet tonight. As we leave the cafeteria, I can tell from the look on Eli's face, the _only_ reason we go our separate ways is because we're going to have time together in a couple of hours.

* * *

Most of the group heads to the fights as they leave dinner. In fact, Eli is with them now.

I'm covering for a couple of hours for Sue tonight. I offered, because I figured I could leave out the time frame and that would keep Abilyn from getting too interested in what I was going to be doing for the rest of the evening.

Eli's been keeping an eye on the room we met in on Feast Day and says the people who had been meeting there seemed to have stopped. So we're going to try there tonight.

In typical Sue fashion, she's a good ten minutes later than she told me she would be. I hurry, as much as I dare, to meet with Eli. Knowing his tendency to worry about me any time Jude has been near, I'm sure he's about to have a panic attack.

When I get to the room, he's already there and pacing the room. As soon as the door opens he swivels and heads my direction. It only takes him a couple of long strides to reach me. His arms wrap around me, and he holds me tight, just short of crushing me. "Do you have any idea how much restraint it took for me to stay behind her?" His voice shakes. "I wanted to get in between her and you. I wanted to make sure there was no way she could hurt you again, but…"

"If you had done that, she might have realized you… I mean, we…" I'm not sure how to put it, so I leave it unfinished, and take his hand in mine to distract him.

Eli nods, understanding my dilemma. We are both very careful not to define our relationship.

We are quiet, just standing there, holding each other.

"Hana," his voice is soft, and tender, "I think I'm falling…"

I quickly move away just enough that I can move my arm so I can put my finger on his lips to stop him from saying any more. "Don't say it." I give my head a small shake. "Don't say what I think you're getting ready to say. Listen to what I have to say. Listen to all of it and, don't jump to conclusions, okay?"

Eli nods his head and I drop my finger.

I reluctantly step away from him and point to the table he sat on when we met here on Feast Day. We walk over together and both sit on it. It makes it easier for me to look him in the eyes when I talk to him.

"Whatever you do, don't fall in love with me." I make sure he's still paying attention. "Mom told me that you should never fall in love with anyone. You should grow when you are in love. Falling implies something negative is happening. Loving someone should be something that causes you to grow and become more than who you were before. Loving someone should make you a better person."

Eli nods slowly. "I know I've never met her, but I _like_ your mom."

"I don't want to fall in love with you, and I don't want you to fall in love with me."

Eli's arm slips around my shoulders. "You're right. I'm not falling." His voice is confident. He tightens his arm around me and I hold still, not wanting to move. Even though I see them coming, his next words still take my breath away. "Hana, I just might be growing in love with you."

**Not trying to get on a soapbox here, but when I was in 8th grade, my English teacher would give us a quote a couple times a week that we had to write about. Hana's conversation comes from the only quote I remember all these years later. **

**"One does not fall in love, one grows in love, and love grows in him." Karl A. Menninger **

**I have fallen in love once in my life. I was not a better person for loving him. I was almost in an abusive relationship. God alone knows why he took his anger out on his dog instead of on me that day…**

**On the other hand, I grew to love my husband. I became, I become, a better person because of him.**

**I believe you can still have love at first sight and "grow in love" rather than fall in love with that person. It all has to do with the person being good for you and you being good for him (or her) building each other up and not tearing each other down.**

**Savanah Rose is stepping down from her soapbox now. **


	45. Chapter 45- Paula's Story

**Abilyn: One of Hana's roommates, works Factionless patrol (former Candor)**

**Kelly: One of Hana's roommates, Jude beat her up over Eli one time.**

**Trina: (Mentioned) Kelly's sister. She said she gave Kelly the injuries that Jude gave her. She was a Dauntless fighter and died during a match.**

**Jude (mentioned): Eli's ex-girlfriend, she threatened and beat up Kelly and Hana when she thought they were interested in Eli.**

**Paula: One of the people on Patrol who gave Jude an alibi when she beat up Kelly**

**Rais: works Factionless patrol like Abilyn and Jude, Amar's father**

**Bahrfamily here with a note in Savanah Rose's stead. A lot of you have been asking when Hana and Eli will start moving a bit faster. _Believe me_ when I say, I've been pushing for this! :-) We've got one more chapter after this that wraps up this sub-plot, and then trust me, you'll enjoy some good Hana and Eli moments after that. Be patient - we're getting there!**

**45 Paula's Story**

As usual, we seem to stay at the net longer than we intend to. When it's late at night and I'm just trying to beat Abilyn home from patrol, it's not such a big deal. Today, we both were able to get away in the middle of the day, so either we both show up at dinner at the same time, or one of us will be late.

"It's your turn to leave first," I inform Eli.

He shakes his head. "You go first."

I shake my head back at him and fold my arms across my chest, a small smile forming on my lips. I know what he's about to say.

"Jude…" he starts.

I _knew_ that was coming. She's his excuse for every over-protective thing he does. "…was supposed to be at work an hour ago. It's going to look funny if you're always the one late for dinner," I insist stubbornly. The truth is that I need to make a quick trip to the Pit to exchange a drive with Natalie. I _can't_ go straight to dinner this time.

I know I'll have two problems if I leave first. The first one is, because I have to meet up with Natalie, Eli and I will probably end up at the cafeteria at about the same time. We're trying to avoid that. The second one could be the bigger problem: Eli will know that I went somewhere else. He might even start to get suspicious that I have something else going on. I _don't_ want that to happen.

"I'd just feel better..." he starts to insist.

"Eli…" I take a deep breath. Why not of tell him the truth, or at least part of it? "I was going to make a quick stop on the way there. Go."

"Where are you going?"

I think quickly. What's the one excuse he can't argue with? "To the bathroom!"

A smile plays on Eli's lips. "Okay, you win." He gives me a quick hug. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

"Did you watch it?" Natalie asks softly as I join her at the rail.

I nod and cross my arms on the railing.

"What do you think?"

I take a deep breath. "I think Norton, like me, doesn't know the complete picture of the Divergent." Natalie opens her mouth. "I don't want to know," I quickly fill in. "I agree with you that the less I know, the safer it is, not just for me, but for everyone. If I don't know, I can't accidently say something I shouldn't."

"Sometimes it would be easier if you knew more, but …" Natalie nods slowly, "the more you know, the more dangerous it is for you."

"I'm not afraid of the danger to me," I insist. "I'm afraid of slipping and putting someone else in jeopardy."

Natalie smiles at me. "Sometimes, I wonder if you're one, too."

I shake my head. "I don't think so. I've never had a simulation where I realized it wasn't real. My theory is that you have what comes naturally – for me, that's bravery – and then you have what you agree with, what is important to you and you're willing to work on." I shrug. "Thanks to my parents, for me, that's selflessness."

"Andrew said something similar to that. Norton was right. His aptitude test was Erudite."

My brow puckers. "Why did he pick Abnegation, then?"

Natalie tips her head back and looks at the rock ceiling over the Chasm. It takes her so long to say anything that I'm beginning to think _she_ is the reason he transferred and she doesn't want to tell me that. "He saw things in Erudite that he didn't agree with. He felt like he needed somewhere else to go," she finally answers.

"And he picked Abnegation because…?" Come on, tell me the truth, I think to myself. He chose Abnegation to be with _you_.

"It was the opposite of the problems he saw in Erudite." Her answer comes smoothly and quickly.

"So, why did _you_ go to Abnegation?" Maybe I can get her to admit they went together from that angle.

"It felt right."

It dawns on me she's not going to answer any more than that, and I need to get to dinner. Eli's going to worry that Jude is around if I don't show up soon. "I need to go." I glance at my watch. "I should have been at dinner thirty minutes ago." I reach into my pocket with my right hand and pull out the drive. Natalie and I shake hands, transferring the drive from my hand to hers.

"Hana…" her voice is just loud enough to make me turn back around. "Be careful. If Jeanine is as close to the new simulations as it sounds on the recording…"

I nod. "Dauntless is about to become a very dangerous place for ..." Even though I'm whispering, I don't dare say it.

"And anyone who helps them," Natalie finishes solemnly.

* * *

When I get to the cafeteria, I sit down in the empty seat next to Leeann. It just happens to be across from Eli.

"Rais?" Abilyn's voice is loud enough to quiet the entire group.

"Yes?"

"Jude's on Patrol tonight, right?"

Rais checks his watch. "She should have left over an hour and a half ago."

"Good." She looks around the table. "Who wants to go invite Paula to join us?" Her eyes narrow speculatively.

Nick jumps up before anyone else gets a chance. It's not the first time I've noticed him trying to do something for, or be there for, Kelly. Part of me wants to point this out to her, to give her hope, but I really need to run it past Eli first. I look across the table at him and wink. He grins in return. But then again, he thought Nick and I liked each other at one point in time, so maybe he _isn't_ the right person to talk to…

Tori is seated across from Abilyn but gets up when Abilyn motions to her that she wants Paula to sit there.

Nick directs Paula to the seat Tori vacated, and retakes his seat next to Kelly.

Eli clears his voice. "Paula, we're trying to figure out what exactly happened with Jude and Trina. We wanted to see if you would be willing to help us."

Paula's blue eyes look troubled for a moment, as she checks out who all is seated at the table. Then she turns around and scans the cafeteria.

"She's on patrol," Rais assures her.

Paula still looks doubtful, until Kelly speaks up. "Jude told me _her_ side of everything last week. I just need to know if she was telling the truth. I can't ask Trina, so…" a tear slips down Kelly's cheek. "Please." Her voice is lower than a whisper, but somehow, I think Paula hears it.

Paula takes a deep breath. "About two or three months before everything happened, Zane and I got reprimanded for disappearing on patrol. It wouldn't have been a huge deal, except it was the third time in three months..." Paula shrugs. "When they found out we were dating, they should have quit partnering us up. After the third time, they _did_ assign us each a new partner. Zane and Jude were paired up, and I was working with Mario."

Abilyn rolls her eyes. I've heard her complain about Mario before. In her former-Candor opinion, he's lazy and worthless.

"We still worked the same shift, but they had us with different people in different sectors. One day our sectors were side by side." Paula bites her lip and looks at Kelly. "Zane and I each found a way to slip away from our partners so we could meet up. We almost got caught, but Jude swore Zane was with her and threatened Mario that if he didn't vouch for me, she'd make sure he never had a good shift again.

"We knew we owed her one, but since being able to see her father was the main reason she took a job on Factionless Patrol, we just figured it would be covering for her to spend time with him." Paula closes her eyes and shakes her head. "I never dreamed it would be giving her an alibi for when she hurt someone." Paula's voice is shaky. "I'm sorry, Kelly. I shouldn't have done it."

Kelly nods. It matches up with what Jude said so far. "Do you know why Trina did it?" Kelly looks intently at Paula.

Paula presses her lips into a line and appears to think. "I might," she finally admits. "Jude helped Trina become a fighter." Kelly nods. "She told Trina that she would owe her, big time, like she told Zane and I, and I don't know how many others. Jude's very into the idea of people owing her. She likes to have the power that comes with feeling that people have to do whatever she tells them to do."

"Did Trina lie about hurting me on her own, or did Jude put her up to it?" Kelly's voice is hesitant, like she's not completely sure she wants the answer.

Paula shakes her head. "I don't know. I _do_ know," she holds Kelly's gaze, "that she was getting ready to come clean."

A look somewhere between hope and interest blooms on Kelly's face.

"She wanted to talk to Jude, to warn her that she couldn't keep hurting you like this. She had to tell you the truth, but she was afraid of Jude. So, she had me hide in the fighters' dressing room. I watched from behind a rack, where I could see but not really be seen, in case something happened. Trina told Jude that she had to talk to you. She said she couldn't handle how bad things had gotten between the two of you, and she had to do something about it. Jude was livid; she told Trina that it wasn't a good idea."

Kelly's hand balls into a fist. Her knuckles turn white.

"Trina told her it was a worse idea to hurt her sister than to come clean. Her prefight warm-up was called right then , so she had to leave. I waited for Jude to leave. I didn't want her to know I had observed the conversation, so I stayed put. There are a couple of pieces of training equipment in the dressing room. Jude walked over and hit one of them. While the bag was swinging, another fighter came in. I don't know who it was. Her back was to me the entire time, but I could hear their conversation."

The whole table is quiet for a moment. It's Nick that finally breaks it. "What did they say?"

Paula takes a deep breath. "The stranger told Jude that if Trina was really becoming a problem to her, she could take care of it. She handed Jude a bottle of a light tan liquid. She told Jude that all she had to do was pour that liquid on Trina's opponent's gloves and her troubles would be over."

The tension at the table grows. We all involuntarily lean forward. No one wants to miss what comes next.

"Did she?" Kelly finally asks.

"I didn't see her," Paula shakes her head sadly, "so I don't know, but her fight that night was with Kat…"

A sound close to a sob comes from Kelly. Nick wraps an arm around her.

"That was the night…?" he asks.

Paula nods.

For a moment I wonder what night, and then I realize, this all took place the night Trina died.

Kelly turns into Nick, hiding her face from the rest of us.

"I'm sorry." Paula's voice is small.

"Thank you for telling us." Even with Eli trying to keep his voice down, it seems to boom in the silence surrounding us.

Paula nods and stands up.

"Is there any way you would know her if you saw her again?" Nick asks softly.

Paula shrugs. "I might. She was wearing a fighter's top, and I could see part of the tattoo she had on her back. It was unusual enough that I doubt there are two of them."

A chill runs down my spine.

Paula walks away.

"Well?" Nick looks at Abilyn expectantly.

"I believe her. She may not know if Trina gave Jude the story, or if Jude threatened her into it, but... Trina was getting ready to admit she lied for Jude."

I wait until Paula is at the door before I look at my watch. It's a little early, but I do have to get to work. With everything going on, I don't think anyone will notice I've left 10 minutes before I need to. They will all be focused on Kelly. I stand up and grab my tray.

Eli looks at me sideways, and I point to my watch. He nods.

I try to act casual as I put up my tray and leave the cafeteria, but as soon as I am outside the door, I pick up the pace until I'm almost jogging through Dauntless. I have to find Paula. I _have_ to.

I catch up to her about the time she reaches the Pit. Right before she disappears into a crowd of Dauntless, I call her name. "Paula!"

She stops and looks at me, puzzled.

"What did her tattoo look like?"

"What?"

"The girl who talked to Jude and gave her something to put on Kat's gloves, what did her tattoo look like?"

Paula hesitates for a second. "I couldn't see all of it. The middle third was covered."

"I understand." I already know what she's going to say. I just want to find out I'm wrong.

"The bottom part of it looked like piled up dirt..."

"Or ashes?" I ask. I don't want to be right. Please don't let me be right.

Paula nods. "The top third of it was the wings of a bird and its head."

A feeling of dread settles over me. I _am_ right.


	46. Chapter 46 - The Phoenix

**Thank you, again, to Bahrfamily for keeping this going while I'm out of town. Ocassionally I have the ablity to catch up on reviews and PM's as well as do the author's notes, but she's been responsible for keeping things going as well as her typical amazing job as Beta.**

**46 The Phoenix**

This time, I don't wait for Natalie to contact me. I send her a message letting her know I need to meet her in her old room. It's more comfortable in there than in the Crevice room, so I decide it is a better place for this conversation.

I beat Natalie there and perch on the coffee table, waiting for her. I've discovered that my feet actually touch the ground when I sit here.

Natalie looks startled to see me waiting for her. "What's up? Why the urgent meeting?"

I take a deep breath. "Leeann told me you have a tattoo."

Natalie's face wrinkles up in confusion. "What?"

"Leeann told me you have a tattoo. That's it's a very unusual and distinctive one." My tone is accusing, but I can't seem to help it.

"And it's covered up." Natalie sounds defensive. "No one can see it when I'm dressed. If you want a tattoo, all I ask is that it can be covered in normal clothes. You can…"

"I don't want a tattoo," I interrupt her. "This is about your tattoo being described to me by someone else."

Natalie shakes her head. "Who? I don't get it."

I take a deep breath and decide to cut straight to the point. "What happened to Trina?"

I hear the sharp intake of Natalie's breath. "What…? How…?" It's the first time I've ever caught her off guard.

"Someone was in there when you gave some kind of serum to Jude." My voice sounds hard and accusing. "You told Jude to put it on Trina's opponent's gloves. Trina died that night. Did you have anything to do with it?"

Natalie walks over to where I sit and slowly lowers herself onto the chair. It's the first time I've seen her sit properly in a chair. "I never imagined you'd find out about that."

Part of me is screaming that I trusted the wrong person. Part of me wants to hear Natalie's explanation. _Surely_ Natalie has an explanation.

Natalie takes a deep breath. "You want to know about it?"

"Yes! Kelly's sister died and now it looks like you may have had something to do with it, and I work with you, so _yes_, I want to know about it."

"Fair enough," Natalie nods.

I wait patiently for her to start.

"When I first got here, one of the people I was supposed to keep an eye on was Trina. Her aptitude test showed there was a chance she was Divergent. She was bright and brave, and it didn't take me long to peg her as Divergent.

"The problem was that Norton seemed to have her pegged, too. I intercepted a couple of reports where she was mentioned by name. I talked to my boss outside of the fence, and we decided she was my first priority to get out. I decided that having it look like she died from a fight injury was the best way to do it. I had some knock out serum. It makes you black out and slows down your heart if you breathe it.

"I had planned on putting it on her opponent's gloves myself, but then I overheard the conversation between Jude and Trina." Natalie shrugs. "I ad-libbed and talked Jude into doing it for me."

"And Trina?"

"She's alive," Natalie states simply, and then elaborates. "When she was unconscious, I used some memory serum on the doctor, so he pronounced her dead. At the morgue, we traded bodies with a Factionless woman who had recently died. The family was given her ashes, and when Trina woke up, I took her on a trip to the other side of the fence."

"And she's there now?"

"Sort of. She stayed close by until after Kelly's Aptitude test, hoping her sister would test out as being Divergent, too. We had an agreement that if Kelly was Divergent, I'd get her right away; we wouldn't wait for Norton to discover her."

"And she's not," I fill in.

Natalie shakes her head. "You're right. She's not."

"Where's Trina now?"

"She's moved on to another city, a city where it's safer to be Divergent. She couldn't handle being this close to Kelly and not being able to apologize."

I nod. "Thank you for telling me."

"You can't tell Kelly."

"I know." I figured I'd be keeping a secret from Kelly, no matter what I found out today. This wasn't what I was expecting, but… the decision to know and not tell her was one I had already made.

Natalie holds my gaze, checking to make sure I'm serious. She must decide I am, because she finally nods. "Do you know the story of the phoenix?" she asks, changing gears suddenly. Her voice is soft.

"It's a mythical bird," I start. "It dies in flames and then comes back to life out of its own ashes."

Natalie nods and says softly. "I am a phoenix." I stare at her, puzzling over her statement. "I have died and been born again, three times now." She swallows hard. "I know you don't know anything about life outside the fence. If you don't want me to tell you anything, just say so. It's just… even before I came here, I was never really able to talk about this, never able to make anyone see and understand…" Suddenly her cheeks turn a bit pink. "Well, there is one person besides you I can talk to, but…it's different talking to him than to you. He's the other...I mean… telling him is like..." She finally stops trying to stutter her way through an explanation and thinks before she speaks again. "He's a guy. He just wants to fix things, and somethings just can't be fixed." Her voice is almost inaudible when she finishes.

"Tell me what you want to tell me." She needs to talk, I can tell. It would be selfish of me to keep her from talking when she so obviously _needs_ to, just because I might not want to know what life is like outside our fence. "It's okay. We'll always keep each other's secrets."

Natalie's smile is thankful. "Outside the fence, there are not Factions, only families. I lived in a house. My family's home was a larger than your Abnegation house," her forehead wrinkles as she thinks. "Our house was probably just under twice the size of your family's in Abnegation. Same rooms, just all of them a little bigger. I was an only child, so it was just Mom, Dad, and me. Like you, I went to school. I even rode the bus to school. Only there are no adults on the bus, just kids. There are other buses that anyone can take, but the ones that go to school are just for kids."

"But no Factions? Just families?" I'm still trying to figure that part out.

Natalie nods. "We had neighbors, but you could always sell your house and move somewhere else. You don't decide where you want to be for the rest of your life at the ripe old age of sixteen." She smiles a small smile. "Generally, you stay with your family until eighteen, and then, depending on how you did in school, you might go away to school, or start working, but at sixteen, you're still a kid. It's so different out there that I'm not sure how to explain it to you. You've been so…" she pauses, searching for the right word, "protected, here. In a way, nothing touches you. You don't realize how sheltered you've been. On the other side of the fence, people are broken, damaged…" She bitterly spits out the word 'damaged' like it is something evil. "Human." Her voice softens when she says this.

"My family…" there's a break in her voice, "was broken. Dad and Mom both worked. Dad was a teacher, a history teacher. The time period he enjoyed most was…" she cuts herself off with a shake of her head, "the time before and during the creation of your city. The idea and ideals of your city fascinated him. He always wished there was a way he could go in and see for himself just what was going on here." Natalie smiles a small, sad smile. "He would be so jealous of me. Mom was a police officer..."

"A police officer?" I can't keep from blurting out the question.

Natalie nods. "Like the Factionless Patrol, except they protect the entire city. People aren't perfect. Somehow, in here, you've created a small utopia. A perfect place where no one steals or speeds or does drugs or hits their kids or drives drunk or kills…" Natalie suddenly grows silent.

The silence stretches on, until I feel like she's totally forgotten about me.

She starts up again, just as suddenly as she stopped. "The police are the group that protects people from all of that and more. Dad told me once that the job changed her. He said that when he met her and fell in love with her, she was quiet and patient and understanding and…" her eyes have a far off look. "The Mom I knew was none of those things. She was short tempered and impossible to please. If I brought home an 'A' from school she wanted to know why it wasn't an 'A+'. If I cleaned my room, she wanted to know why I didn't also cook dinner.

"And her temper, Hana… her temper…" The first tear falls from her eye, unexpectedly. I didn't realize she was about to cry. "She yelled, she threw things, she hit Dad…she hit _me_. Dad was no help. He had no idea how to stand up to her. He still loved her for who she had been when he met her. After one of her explosions, he would find me and tell me about how she was lost in the pain of the job and all the things she had wanted to fix when she started it, but was learning she couldn't. He would promise me that if we just loved her enough, she would go back to being who she once was.

"But she never did." Natalie's voice becomes hollow, like there is nothing left inside of her. "He finally realized that she wasn't going to change as long as she stayed at that job. He begged her, he pleaded with her to find something else to do. I was supposed to be in bed, but their yelling woke me up. It wasn't the first time that had happened. I did what I always did – I opened the door to my bedroom so I would know what they were fighting about this time, and I stood there listening.

"I guess Dad grabbed her arm or something because I heard her yell at him that if he knew what was smart, he would let go of her. The next thing I heard was her gun…" Natalie's voice trails off to nothing at the last word.

I'm not sure what to do. I sit there, stunned by what she's revealed to me. I can see why she needed to talk, and I can see why she chose me. She already knows I can keep a secret. I watch her face as more silent tears trail down her cheeks. It seems like forever before she brushes them away and starts speaking again.

"While she…" Natalie swallows and then tries again, "While she buried him in our yard, I packed a bag with everything important and valuable I could find in my room. I wanted to take some food from the kitchen, but she might have seen me from the back yard, so I just left. I couldn't stay with her, not after she had just…"

"You're right. You couldn't," I assure her.

Natalie gives me a weak smile. "There was really nowhere to go. None of my friends could have hidden me. I didn't want to go back to Mom, and their parents would have sent me back. Mom was a police officer. They either wouldn't have believed a kid who said her mom killed her dad, or they would have protected _her_. So I ran to the Fringe. It was like running to the Factionless Sector, only worse." She shudders. "Much worse."

My mind spins. As if the rest of what she told me wasn't enough, the fact that there is something out there worse than Factionless boggles my mind.

"The Factionless have old buildings to protect them from the elements, and the jobs no one wants, to earn money for food. And the Abnegation occasionally give them help. In the Fringe, it is whatever you can scrounge to put up and protect yourself with. Tarps, aluminum panels off some long destroyed building, wreckage caused by war. We scrounged for food to eat and anything that would burn for warmth.

"Living on the Fringe was my first 'phoenix' experience. I was reborn there. I was no longer the daughter of Caleb and Colleen Wright. I was just Natalie. I got to decide who I was. I found my own place to live. I became a leader. There was a group of kids roaming the streets with no family, no real shelter, even. We banded together. We built our own shelter. When we were scrounging for food or fuel, I taught them. Most of them didn't even know their alphabet or their numbers. It was simple stuff, but I thought it might make a difference in their futures. I was in the Fringe for about a year. It was a hard life, but I didn't have to worry about Mom. I felt safer without her around. It was deceptive, though. It wasn't safe.

"I was away from my group one day, when I came across a man beating up a girl. She couldn't have been more than eight. It reminded me of my mom, and I couldn't let him hurt her." Natalie turns to me, her eyes wide and frantic. "I couldn't. I… I picked up the closest thing I could find. I was just going to threaten him. I thought that if he thought I would hurt him, he'd stop what he was doing. That's all I meant to do." She turns her wide green eyes on me, pleading for me to understand. "He… he didn't stop. Not even when I got closer to him. I…I… I couldn't let him hurt her. I couldn't let him kill her, and I was afraid he was about to. I swung. I only meant to hurt him enough for him to stop, so she could get away. So I could save her…" Tears fall from Natalie's eyes one at a time, but they are steady.

"I was thirteen the day I turned into my mother. The day I became a murderer, just like her," she ends in an agonized whisper.

I shake my head emphatically at her. "No, Natalie it's _not_ the same. It's not the same at all. You… _you_ were trying to protect somebody. That's not the same thing as killing someone because you lost your temper."

Natalie smiles at me, a small smile. "Thank you, but there is still one less person in this world because of me."

"And yet there is one more person because of you." Her brows pull together in confusion at my words. "Natalie, you said yourself, he was about to kill that little girl. She's alive because of what you did. So, there is one more life in the world today because you were brave enough and selfless enough to step up and right a wrong."

A small look of acceptance enters Natalie's eyes. A look of a peace crosses her face. "Someone saw me," she continues. "A man, in a uniform much like my mother's police uniform, saw what I did, and he grabbed me. At first, I thought he was going to kill me, or take me to jail. I deserved that. I had killed someone. But instead… instead I was reborn, again. He took me somewhere safe. They ran tests on me there. The tests said I was special, so they kept me there. I became Natalie Wright, the girl discovered, the girl saved.

"I lived there for three years, learning more about your city, watching all of you on the cameras that you now watch from the control room. Dad had loved the history of your city. He would have loved to have the chance to watch those cameras, to see what life was really like here. To find out if the Factions really did work. It was a way for me to be close to my father, so I was almost always there. If I wasn't supposed to be somewhere else, I was watching. I was learning. None of us knew it at the time, but I was preparing myself to join you.

"Dad always favored the Dauntless. I think it's because they were everything he thought he wasn't. He wanted to be more like them." A slow grin spreads across her face. "Shortly after they brought me there, on what would have been Dad's fortieth birthday, I got a tattoo. Not just any old tattoo, but one that represented who I had become."

"A phoenix," I finish for her.

She nods. "Next to the phoenix, there is a broken heart and three teardrops: one for Mom, one for Dad, and one for me. Tears for what life should have been." She looks at me for a moment. "Would you like to see it?"

I nod. Natalie turns her back to me and pulls her black t-shirt off in a smooth motion. Her bra strap covers up a little of it, but not so much that you can't see how impressive it really is. The whole phoenix rises out of a pile of gray ashes. The phoenix itself is on fire. Each feather is a flame of red or orange or yellow. From its head, there is a crown of three connected but distinct flames that flow behind it. Some of the flames on the wings seem to dance forward like the wings are in motion. The tail feathers head down, white hot flames edged in yellow. Leeann is right. It _is_ impressive.

"Around the time I turned sixteen, three Divergents died mysteriously in one month. The next month another four died. The following month it was one. I offered to come in and see what was happening. "

I'm suddenly puzzled. "But Leeann and the rest of them remember you being fifteen. You were at my Choosing Ceremony."

Natalie gives a small laugh. "We just told the people who we gave false memories about me that I was fifteen. No one ever questioned it. I've been a year younger ever since."

I smile back. So simple!

"I offered to give up my second life and be reborn for a third, and hopefully, final time, and here I am." Natalie holds out her hands in a gesture that draws you in to look at her. "I am the phoenix."

**I had to get "permission" for this chapter. Bahrfamily had told me (before this) that every chapter from that point on had to have Eli in it. Hope you don't mind that this one didn't, but Eli just didn't have a place in this chapter.**

**I had been looking for a place for Natalie to tell her story ever since I started this book. When Windchimed asked me if Jude killed Trina because she was Divergent things started working in my head... The funny thing is when I originally started the whole Jude/Trina/Kelly story line. It was pretty simple. Trina really died in a fight... You all kept asking me for more details... Hope you all like the turn it took!**

**Next chapter, I promise, Eli's back.**


	47. Chapter 47- Rooftop Surprise

**Sultana- One of the Control Room Supervisors, Amar's grandmother**

**Dan- Co-worker in the control room**

**Ava- (Mentioned) Dauntless Leader**

**Abilyn- former Candor, one of Hana's friends and roommates**

**As promised there is more Eli in this chapter, and there is some… progression in their relationship in this chapter.**

**A huge thank you to Bahrfamily who kept everything going while I was on vacation/holiday whatever you call getting away from everyday life and spending time with the family in another location, with sketchy internet service and (sadly) no time to write! I didn't even leave her with one chapter completely ready! Her willingness to finish last edits and post was a lifesaver! (Or at least it kept all of you sort of happy.**

**I know, I know enough talk you want to see what's going on with Hana and Eli…**

**47 Roof Top Surprise**

"You're on second shift, right?" Eli asks me quickly as we dump our trays.

I nod.

"I'll meet you at the top floor of the Pire, tomorrow after lunch."

"Okay?" My voice is questioning. It seems like an odd place to meet.

"Don't worry. We won't be there long." He smiles at me and walks off.

Sometimes, I wish we had more than thirty seconds to discuss when and where we can meet with each other.

* * *

When the elevator opens up, Eli is standing there, waiting for me. He smiles and steps in the empty elevator with me. He pushes the button for the roof. The doors slide shut. His hand reaches out for mine. I wrap my fingers around his. He tugs on my hand, pulling me close. Our hands release and our arms wrap around each other.

"Hi." My voice is a whisper.

"Hi, yourself," he responds. "Having a good day?"

"Pretty good, but I still have work to look forward to." I step back. "So, how are you able to be here in the middle of the day?"

The elevator doors open to the barren roof top. We step out into it. Why did he bring me here? I look around. It _is_ secluded. It's one of those places I don't think anyone would find us.

Eli grins. "I was pretty sure you were on second shift, so I volunteered to run the backups last night. I'm through for the day. So, unless you have plans, we can spend the rest of the afternoon together."

"I think my plan for the afternoon," I smile back at him, "is to spend it with _you_."

He pulls me in and hugs me again. "I like that plan."

Sometimes, like now, it scares me how good it feels for him to hold me in his arms. There is a strength and security in them. I know nothing can hurt me while I'm here. I don't want to pull away from him, but I lift my face out of his chest and look up at him. "So, what time did you have to get up, to have this afternoon off?"

Eli rests his head on top of mine. "It doesn't matter. It was worth it."

"What time, Eli?" I start to pull out of his arms.

"We started at four. We've started at midnight before, so four was pretty good."

I shake my head. "You volunteered to get up early enough to be at work at four in the morning, for me?"

"Hana, if you haven't figured it out yet, let me tell you." His fingers touch the tip of my chin, lifting it so that I am looking him in the eye. "There are a lot of things I would do, in order to have time with you."

I'm not sure what to say, so for a moment, I just don't say anything.

His arm loosens around me and he steps back, holding my hand. "This isn't exactly what I brought you here to show you."

"What _did_ you bring me here to see?" I ask, more than a little curious.

"That's a surprise." He looks at me for a moment. "Do you trust me?"

I nod.

"Good." He puts his left arm in front of me. "Take my arm." I wrap my hands around his arm. His right hand covers my eyes. He leans in and whispers in my ear, "I won't let you run into anything. I promise."

I try to take normal steps, but my feet kind of shuffle out in front of me.

He suddenly stops. "Okay." He takes a deep breath and moves his hand.

My eyes blink as he removes his hand. I'm not sure I believe what I'm seeing. It's a garden, up on the roof. Oh, it's not in the best shape. It looks like it's been left to fend for itself for years. I look at it closely. There are plants inside of wooden planters. It looks like there is some kind of plastic liner inside of each planter. Most of the plants are brown. They look like they are left from last year, but there are a few spots of green, showing that it is nearly spring.

"What is this?" I look around.

"The roof-top garden."

"I didn't know it was here."

Eli wraps his arms around me. "Most people don't. It's kind of a secret; that's why it looks so neglected. No one takes care of it, anymore."

"Where did it come from? Who put it here?" My eyes wander, taking in all of the garden I can see.

"I'll tell you what I know about it another time." Eli lets go of me and takes my hand. "For right now, I just want to show it to you."

I smile. "Let's look."

Eli holds my hand and leads me through the rows of planters. The planters and plants are all low to the ground. I can't tell for sure if they are arranged in any particular order, or if they are just up here haphazardly.

"There's a lot of color up here in the spring." He smiles. "We'll be able to see it pretty soon. Since spring is definitely on its way."

I nod. It's still a little chilly, and there were some snowflakes in the air yesterday, but they melted before they hit the ground. He's right, spring will be here soon.

He leads me over to a black stone bench. Two can sit on it comfortably. Three would be a little crowded. We sit down side by side, our arms touching. I lean my head on his arm and close my eyes. His arm snakes around me.

"I like this," I murmur, and then realize I said it out loud. I bite my lower lip, unsure of how he's going to respond. Maybe I'm lucky, and he didn't hear me.

His arm tightens slightly around me. "That's why we're here. I thought you would like it."

* * *

"I have something for you," Eli tells me as we get ready to leave the roof top garden where we spent our afternoon. "I have a feeling you aren't ready for it yet, but when you are…" He shrugs and stops, like it isn't a big deal, but something in his voice tells me it _is_.

I swallow hard, not sure what it could be. "What is it?"

"Hold out your hand." Eli's voice is soft, almost timid.

I hold out my right hand.

His eyes hold mine as he takes two fingers and presses them to his mouth. He kisses his fingers then presses those fingers into my palm. He closes my fingers into a fist. "When you're ready for it, all you need to do is open your fingers, and put it where you want me to kiss you."

"Eli, I…"

He puts a finger on my lips. "Shhh, I want you to be ready." He shrugs. "I can wait." There is a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "At least until next Risk Day."

I laugh with him, amazed again at how my feeling grow a bit more for him each time we're together.

"There is one catch." His finger slides off my lips. The sparkle in his eyes grows with mischief. He's got something planned.

"What?" I ask warily.

"You have to do it in front of _everyone,_ so I know you are serious." Eli grins at me.

* * *

"Hana! Hana!" Sultana's voice finally breaks through my tumbling thoughts.

"Yes?" I look over my shoulder at her.

"Dan's logged in. Let go of your feeds and get out of here."

I nod and turn back around to do what she says. She's right. I need to get out of here. I really was no good at work today. All of Amity could have stormed the fence with guns today, and I'm not sure I would have noticed it.

"Hana," Sultana beckons me over to her as I get ready to leave. "I don't know what was with you today. Everyone has an off day, I understand that," she says gently, "but you can't let yourself be so distracted."

I nod, and bite the inside of my lip. I don't think I'd be so distracted if Eli had actually kissed me, as I am with the kiss I hold in my hand.

"Although…" Sultana suddenly chuckles, "distraction does seem to be the theme of the day."

I look up and raise my eyebrows questioningly at her.

"I had to meet with leadership today to give a report on the Control Room. Max asked the same question twice and then repeated a question Ava had already asked me." She shakes her head. "And Eli…"

I try hard not to react to his name, but I can't keep myself from holding my breath at the mention of him.

"Eli ran into me after dinner. Literally _ran into_ me. If it was any guy but Eli or Nick, I would swear there was girl involved."

I make myself laugh with Sultana.

"Get your head back into the game for tomorrow, okay?" Her supervisor voice is back.

"I'll do that." I walk away, puzzling over what she said.

I'm distracted by the kiss Eli placed in my hand. Can he be distracted by the same thing?

* * *

Nick alone is waiting for me when I get off work.

"Don't you ever get tired of escorting me places?"

Nick smiles at me. "Nope."

"Surely you have something else to do?" Maybe a different approach will work.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

I let out an exasperated huff. "Then go see if Kelly wants to do something."

Nick suddenly becomes all serious. "No." His voice is very firm. "Hana, I won't play around with her like that. She deserves better."

We walk in silence.

"I'm sorry." I finally break the silence. "I'm not trying to…" I take a deep breath and take a risk. "Kelly really likes you. Why won't you give her a chance?"

Nick stops for a moment and looks at me, like he's trying to decide if he can trust me. "Hana, things can happen in your life that can break you. Leeann and I have been broken into thousands of pieces. I'm glad she has Chaz, really, I am. Without him…" He trails off, almost like he's unsure of what to say next. "But I'm not Leeann, and I won't lead Kelly on, not for any reason."

I nod, wondering again, what exactly happened to his family. I decide I should just leave it alone, so I go back to our original discussion. "I'd just like to be trusted to walk inside Dauntless by myself." I don't mind it, exactly, when Eli walks me places. I actually like having the time with him, even if I can't hold his hand as we walk from one place to the other. It gives us a chance to talk and to learn more about each other. The other day, we spent the walk home from work talking about our favorite foods. It wasn't earth-shattering to find out that his favorite food is Dauntless cake, but it did surprise me to find out that he likes raw broccoli.

It's different when it comes to Nick. I hate feeling like I'm interrupting Nick's day for him to be my bodyguard, especially when I don't need one.

"It's not you that Eli doesn't trust," Nick responds.

I notice Nick places the blame on Eli. "So, _you're_ okay with the idea of me walking by myself, or do _you_ not trust me?"

Nick laughs. "I trust you. As for Jude… I don't trust her, but unlike El,i I don't think she'll do anything. I think she's still laying low, trying to figure out how to get Eli back."

Inadvertently, I close my eyes for a second, and then I force them to open up. I shouldn't respond to that. "Do you think it will work?" My heart is in my throat. I think Nick knows Eli better than anyone, so if he says yes…

"No," Nick shakes his head. "You getting hurt because of her shook him up too much. I think he'll stick to the list."

The list! I had forgotten about that! "You and Leeann really made him a list?" I try to force a natural laugh.

Nick raises an eyebrow at me. "How did you know about the list?"

"Leeann said something about it when I was in the infirmary. I thought I had dreamed it, though."

"No, it exists."

"Who's on it?" I try to sound nosey. Really I just want to know if one name is on it: mine.

Nick laughs. "You want a heads up on who Eli's allowed to date?"

I try to make my smile into a smirk. "I'd like to know who to watch out for- who might try to bash my head into the wall next."

Nick howls with laughter at that. "The idea behind the list is that you, and the rest of Leeann's friends, won't have to worry about that again."

I shrug. "Wouldn't you be worried, in my place?"

* * *

I can't sleep. The kiss Eli placed on my hand seems to burn my palm. Where are we going? I rub it with my left thumb. I've never been in a relationship before, and I don't think he's ever been in a relationship like _this,_ either. What does the kiss mean? Does it mean we have a future? Does it mean he's just been biding his time, trying to get me to the Chasm?

It can't mean that, can it?

I feel hot tears on the back of my eyelids.

Nick wouldn't tell me even one name on the list. What if I'm not on it? Eli wouldn't go against Leeann and Nick, would he? Not after Jude.

But I'm not Jude, either.

I quietly get up and walk out to the kitchen. Maybe a drink of water will help calm my churning thoughts.

I'm setting the half-full glass down when the door opens. Who's coming in? Abilyn was the only one still out when I got home, but she should have been back from Patrol a couple of hours ago. Everyone else was asleep when Nick dropped me off. So, who is walking into our apartment like they belong here?

It _is_ Abilyn.

"Why are you just now getting in?" I ask.

Abilyn jumps at the sound of my voice, her hand pressed to her heart. "You scared me!"

I smile at her. "You scared _me,_ too. I thought you were in bed asleep."

She blushes, just a little.

"Where have you been?"

She eyes me for a moment and then sighs. "With Ben."

"Who's Ben?" I don't know where I thought she was, but being somewhere with a guy wasn't what I expected. Now I'm curious.

"He's a guy on Patrol. We usually work the same shift, and we've been partnered together, a couple of times." She shrugs, trying to look like it's no big deal. "We've gone and had cake after work together a couple of times, too."

I have a choice to make. I can grill her like she grilled me about Conner, since I was the only one who knew Conner, before Conner and Bekah went out the first time, or I can let her off easy and hope that if Eli and I _ever_ admit we're dating, she'll do the same for me. "Is he cute?"

Abilyn's cheeks redden. "Yes."

"Is he nice?"

She nods. "Very."

"One last question. Did you have a good time?"

Abilyn grins. "Yes."

I drain my glass of water. "Good. I'm going to try to go back to sleep now."

She looks shocked that I'm letting her off that easily. Of course, she may be thinking I'm going to bust her in the morning, in front of everyone else, but I'm not.

I walk back to bed. The question of what I'm going to do with Eli's kiss hasn't been solved, but… if I can keep the Candor under control, maybe if- _when_\- we do let everyone know we're seeing each other, they won't be so impossible towards us.


	48. Chapter 48- Worth Waiting For

**Abilyn- One of Hana's roommates and friends**

**Ben-Abilyn's new boyfriend**

**Jude- (Mentioned) Eli's psycho ex**

**Zane- (Mentioned) Jude's new boyfriend, she had used him earlier in the story to try to make Eli jealous.**

**Tanner- (Mentioned) Co-worker of Eli's**

**Ava- (Mentioned) Dauntless Leader**

**Thank you first to Bahrfamily for her superb Beta skills. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I enjoy them and getting a chance to interact in PM's with you.**

**Bahrfamily also wants to make sure you all owe her for convincing me I wasn't about to fall behind in my writing and need to warn you at the start of the chapter that I'm going to be posting the next chapter later than normal. She was right that I didn't need to. (as usual) I ended up sending her 6 chapters to edit today... I didn't realize I was quite the close on finishing some of them!**

**You also owe her for the title to this chapter. I wasn't coming up with anything good. She told me what the title should be, the line was already in the chapter! I just didn't recognize it!**

**I just hope this chapter lives up to its title...**

**48 Worth Waiting For**

It's been a week since Eli gave me his kiss to hold onto. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do with it. There is part of me that longs to open my hand and place it somewhere, longs to know what it would feel like to have his lips touch me- again.

But there is part of me that remembers what Mom always said about physical touch being powerful. I know from holding Eli's hand and hugging him that my feelings for him seem to grow each time it happens. A kiss from him, especially one that's not part of Risk Day, would do even more. I know it, and I don't know where we are heading in our relationship. I'm not sure I'm ready for where this will take us, but I realize that there's a chance I'm already there.

At breakfast, Abyiln comes towards us with a good looking guy in tow. She's just getting off Patrol, so I suspect I know who this is. Abilyn looks a little nervous as she introduces him. "This is Ben," she announces quickly. Then she sits down, and he sits down next to her.

As everyone starts to introduce themselves to Ben, I realize that Eli is staring at me. It takes me a moment to realize why. I have my right hand balled up in a fist, and I'm holding up my head with it. I hold his eye for a moment then shake my head slightly. I sit up straight and let my hands drop to my side.

Eli smiles at me. He's trying to reassure me that it's okay if I hold onto it longer.

"Hana, where are you heading?" Leeann asks me when I finish my breakfast.

"I'm going for a walk," I tell her quickly. I need to clear my head. "Why?"

"You just seem a little preoccupied this morning."

"I didn't sleep well last night." I shrug. "I'm hoping a little physical activity will wear me out."

I notice Eli looking worriedly at me.

"Where are you going to walk?" Ben asks.

"I'll probably stick close to Dauntless." This is the first time we've met. Why would he ask me that?

Abilyn chimes in and her comment explains why he asked me that. "Don't go too far. There seems to be a factionless person who is harming people. We've found five in the last two weeks. Ben found the most recent victim on patrol last night. The attacks seem to be against other factionless, and they've only happened at night so far…"

I nod, and then decide to reassure Eli and maybe give him a hint in case he can slip away from work for a little bit. "I'll probably actually just stick to the Pit, or the Pire." I shrug. There aren't many places to walk in the Pire. He should know that means I'm headed to the roof.

"Be careful," Leeann tells me as I walk off.

The roof top is quiet and peaceful. The early spring sun shines on me, making me a little drowsy. That's good. I wasn't lying when I told Leeann I didn't sleep well last night. I haven't slept well since Eli gave me that kiss.

I find myself kneeling by one of the planters. When I was a child, we volunteered at Amity a couple of times in the spring, to help get things ready and to plant. I recognize a few things as weeds in the planters and find myself pulling them out. I hope I'm not messing anything up, but doing something feels good. Doing something that allows my mind to wander seems to be helpful.

"What are you doing?" I jump a little at the sound of Eli's voice.

I wipe my dirty hands on my pants and stand up. "I think it's called weeding."

He walks to me and hugs me tightly. "Why aren't you sleeping?" he whispers in my ear. "Don't tell me you said that just to give Leeann an excuse. I can see you're tired."

I pull back just a little. "My mind won't slow down," I answer honestly.

His arms slowly let go of me, and then his hand finds mine. He holds it and leads me back to the bench. "Hana, what have you been thinking about?" he asks me after we sit down.

"Us." My voice is barely a whisper.

"I've been thinking about us, too," he admits. I look up at him and notice the tired look in his eyes, too.

"And what have you come up with?" I ask him, before he can ask me.

"I don't want you to go anywhere," he answers quickly. "If we were anywhere but Dauntless, and if I wasn't so concerned about Jude, I'd be asking you why we are hiding this from everyone."

"But we are in Dauntless…" I respond.

"But we are in Dauntless," he repeats back, "and you aren't comfortable with the idea of the dating expectations in Dauntless, and to be honest, as much as I…" his eyes hold mine and he swallows hard. "As much as I'm looking forward to…" he looks at me again, trying to figure out how to get across what he wants to say.

I finally take pity on him and finish the sentence for him. "As much as you want me to open my fist?" I ask with a smile.

Eli smiles back at me and nods. "I want you to be comfortable, more. That isn't going to happen if we end up at the Chasm."

I nod. He's very right about that.

"And I _am_ concerned about Jude," he continues.

"She's dating Zane," I point out. "She's moving on."

Eli takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I'm still not over how she hurt you just because she _thought_ I was interested in you, even before I admitted to myself that I was." His hand cups my face. "I won't take a chance with you. I'm serious about you, about us. You know that, right?"

My heart is racing. "I know." I capture my bottom lip with my teeth for just a minute and force myself to be brave. "I also know I'm not sure how we go back to being just friends anymore."

"Hana," he holds my face in his hand and lets his thumb trace the curve of my cheekbone. "I'm still your friend. I don't ever want to stop being your friend, but I _do_ want to be more than just your friend."

I smile. My heart pounding, I make myself tell him the truth. "I want to be more than just friends, too."

It takes a week for me to finish sorting through my feelings. I can almost admit to myself how much I care for Eli. Almost. I started overnight shift last night, so I'm a little tired, but the advantage of the sleepless nights I had before I changed shifts is that I actually slept soundly when I got home this morning.

Dinner is almost over, and I still haven't had the opening I'm looking for. If it doesn't happen soon, I'm going to lose what little nerve I have. My heart is pounding. Eli thinks I'm brave enough to do this, but I'm not so sure. I'm ready. I know I'm ready. I've been thinking more and more about how it will feel when his lips touch me. I think he knows I'm ready, but I know he's going to make me do this.

Oddly enough, it is Leeann, bringing up the prank I pulled on her when I pretended to have a tattoo, who gives me the chance I've been looking for. "Why won't you get a _real_ tattoo? Tori does a great job."

I hold up my fist. I'm surprised my hand isn't shaking even in that positon. "One," I hold up my first finger, "it's not about Tori. I know she does a great job. Two, I'm not against getting a tattoo sometime." I hold up the second finger, and then the third. "Three, right now I don't have anything I want on me permanently." When I hold up the fourth finger, I look at Leeann and raise both eyebrows. "And four, how do you know I don't have one and it's just not somewhere you can't see?"

The whole table laughs at my last comment.

I grin and lean into my hand. I rest my cheek on my palm as far back as I can and have it still be called my cheek.

I risk a glance at Eli. His eyes are locked on me. Not on my eyes, but a little lower, on my hand. I look back to Bekah, who is now the one talking, leaving my hand right where it is, so no one can see it trembling. The rest of dinner, Eli and I try not to look at each other, and I know I'm trying to figure out exactly how I'm going to get away from everyone quickly.

Eli has it easy. Tech support is known for getting called in. He uses that excuse almost too much, though. One of these days, someone is going to catch on to the fact that all the other members of tech support put together don't get called in nearly as much as he supposedly does.

I decide that tonight, I'm going to try something new. I'm just not going to say anything. I finish eating and simply pick up my tray. I toss out a "See you later," to the group and leave.

Surprisingly, no one stops me, and no one asks me where I am headed. I grin to myself as I put my tray up.

It's hard to walk, but I don't let myself run as I head to the Pit. From there I will need to either head to the elevator to the Pire or to our apartment in the Pit. For a moment, I'm not sure which place I really want to go to. My heart races. What was I thinking? Did I really just tell Eli to kiss me? My hand reaches up to my cheek and my fingers lightly trace the spot that I placed his "kiss". What will it feel like when he puts a real kiss there? I swallow hard and head to the elevator. I hope he can get away soon. If he doesn't, I may just lose my nerve and go find the rest to them. Although, knowing Eli, he might just take it as a challenge to kiss me in front of everyone.

I take the elevator all the way up. The doors open to the empty roof top. It reminds me of my life in Abnegation, before Dauntless, before Eli. I walk around the corner and see our garden. This is my life now. Full of life and color, and it's more than Dauntless that has given me this life. I walk to the edge of the roof and look out at the city. The sun is down, but from this height, I can see the lights of the different factions. I've come a long way.

I hear footsteps only when he is right behind me. Eli's arms come around me from behind. His chin rests on my head. "Hi, Stiff," he whispers. For a while we just stand there, his arms around me, my hands resting on his arms. It's warm and safe here with his arms around me. If it weren't for the fact that my heart is about to pound out of my chest, I could stay like this forever.

I start to wonder what he is waiting for. Did he miss the signal? Did I do something wrong? And then I remember: this is Eli. He's got something planned. He's going to see who can out-wait whom, or he's going to make me ask, or he's going to wait for me to relax, or who knows what else, but he has something figured out.

Since he called me "Stiff", my best guess is that he wants me to relax. So, I try to at least seem more relaxed. I lean into him. His chest rumbles from a suppressed chuckle. He can see through me too easily.

Maybe if I start talking to him, I'll forget about the coming kiss and really relax a little. "Did you ever figure out the virus on Ava's computer?"

I feel his head nod against the top of mine. "Tanner and I did."

"Did you figure out how it got there?"

"We may have." I hear some irritation in his voice. I hope it's not at my choice of conversations. "It appears to be sending her data to somewhere in Erudite." That explains the irritation. Eli once told me that, about the time he went into tech support, Erudite tried to take over tech support in all the other factions. He hasn't been a big fan of the Erudite ever since he found that out.

"Well, you took care of it." I smile, even though he can't see me. "Now they know you're smart enough to catch it."

"That's right."

There's a pause and the little bit I had started to relax leaves me.

"How was the control room last night?"

"It was good. Nothing happened, and we all struggled to stay awake."

There is silence again. I wish he would just kiss me. I think if he would just do that, we would both loosen up a little and we could enjoy the evening.

"So..." in that one word, I can hear the teasing in Eli's voice, "_do_ you have a tattoo?"

I laugh. I can't help it. "No, not yet."

"Thinking about it?"

"Not really,"

Eli laughs. "Then why did you make it sound like you might?"

My voice is soft with emotion when I answer him. "You know why."

He leans in, so his lips are next to my ear. "Tell me why." His voice is as soft and as gentle as the night air that surrounds us. I try to suppress a shiver, but it runs through me anyway.

"I had to get to four."

And then it happens. He leans forward just a little bit more and kisses my cheek close to my ear, right where I put his kiss.

I feel his lips not just where they gently touch me, but through my whole body. I close my eyes and relax, truly relax, into his embrace.

His lips are near my ear again. "That reaction," he whispers, "was worth waiting for."


	49. Chapter 49- Decision

**Conner- Hana's coworker in the control room and Bekah's boyfriend**

**Bekah and Abilyn- friends and roommates of Hana's**

**Ben- Abilyn's boyfriend, works Factionless Patrol with Abilyn**

**Zane- (Mentioned) Factionless patrol, Paula's ex-boyfriend, Jude's current boyfried.**

**Paula- (Mentioned)Factionless patrol, Zane's ex-girlfriend, told Kelly about what she knew about Jude and Kelly's sister's death. (Kelly is one of Hana's friends.)**

**Jude- Eli's (crazy as a loon) ex-girlfriend**

**Zane- Jude's new boyfriend**

**Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read/ read and review this story. I appreciate the support and encouragement.**

**And of course a HUGE thank you to Bahrfamily who continues to keep me on track and catch ALL THE MISTAKES I MISS when I am writing!**

**49 Decision**

There is definitely something in the air at the Dauntless compound this spring. Conner joins us at most meals that he and Bekah are both at. When he sits with us, he always sits next to her. Abilyn and Ben have become a bit of an item, too. Since they almost always work the same shift, it's hard not to find them together, although, as Abilyn is quick to point out, the schedulers learned their lesson with Zane and Paula. They never patrol together anymore. "But that's okay," she assures me. "Comparing our days gives us more to talk about."

I can only admit it to myself: I'm jealous. When I see Bekah sit with Conner and hold his hand, or when I watch Abilyn gives Ben a hug good-bye, it doesn't seem fair. I eat at the same table with Eli and have to walk away without even telling him good-bye sometimes. I know this is what we chose, but… it doesn't mean that I always like it.

When the weather was colder, we spent a lot of time at the net. Now, we spend almost all our time on the roof. It's private. No one else seems to know the garden even exists. If I get their first, I weed. If he gets there first, he sits on the bench and waits for me.

At those times, when we're alone on the roof, I don't wish it were any different. There is something magical about having our own world, one that no one else knows about.

"Why," I ask Eli when he moves back from kissing my cheek in the same place he's been kissing me for the last week, "do you only kiss me in that one spot?"

Eli grins at me. I can tell he's been waiting for this question. "You haven't told me I can kiss you anywhere else."

I groan. "You ca-," I start, but he reaches a finger out and touches my lips to make me stop talking.

"You have to _show_ me where you are okay with me kissing you. The same way. _Every_ time."

"Eli!" I groan against his finger.

He moves his finger off my lips and leans in and kisses my cheek again. "Every time," he whispers in my ear.

* * *

"Can you believe how close we are to Choosing Day again?" Tori asks, as she sits down next to me.

I shake my head. "Time does seem to fly."

"After next week, only two more years until it's our brothers' turn." There is an excitement in Tori's eyes and voice whenever she talks about George. "We're still going together, right?"

"Of course," I agree.

"Good." Then, suddenly, she turns to the whole group. "You won't believe the tattoo I worked on today!"

My left hand is in a fist under my chin as I listen to Tori talk about a tattoo she's working on. I glance up to make sure Eli is paying attention to me. When I see he is, I unclench my hand and stretch my arms out. I take my right hand and place it on my left cheek. Eli smiles. We both turn our attention back to Tori. I didn't know it could take one person so long to describe a heart that looks like Swiss Cheese. Evidently break ups in Dauntless can cause unusual tattoos.

Eli finishes his meal and stands up.

"Where are you going?" Leeann asks him puzzled.

"I'm on call," he lies smoothly to his cousin. "I need to go check in."

Leeann shakes her head at him. "Are you going to join us at our apartment for cards after that?"

"If I'm not needed, I'll be there."

"Anyone else skipping out?" Leeann challenges us.

"I've got to talk to Carly about something. I won't be long. I'll be there after that," I assure her, as I head off to the roof top and Eli.

* * *

Eli sits on the bench in the garden waiting for me. He stands up and walks to me; after he enfolds me in a hug he leans in and kisses my right cheek. I know he was watching me, why didn't he kiss my left… and then he leans over and kisses me on my left cheek.

I smile as he takes my hand and leads me to the bench.

"So," Eli sits down and clears his throat, "we need to talk about something." His thumb brushes the back of my hand.

"What's that?"

"They're starting to talk about the work schedule for Visiting Day."

I nod. "They've been talking about it in the control room, too."

"Did you get the day off?" Eli smiles at me.

"It's like last year; I have the day off, but not the night." I shrug. "The important thing is that I'll get to see my family."

Eli nods. "So that brings me to my dilemma."

I wait patiently; I have an idea of where he might be going, but I want to hear him say it.

"Unless I tell them about us, I'll probably be expected to work."

I nod. That's what I had figured.

"I don't know what to do. I'm willing to meet your family- actually; I'd _like_ to meet your family, but…" Eli's voice trails off.

"Eli…" I take a deep breath. "Do you see our relationship changing in the next six months?"

He looks me in the eye. "Define changing," he challenges me. "Our relationship has changed _a lot_ since we met."

I brace myself. We've carefully avoided talking about where we think we are headed, but I think it's time to discuss it. "Where do you see us going? Are we just going to see each other in secret forever, or is our relationship actually headed somewhere?"

Eli holds my hand. "Hana, a year ago, I didn't see myself dating anyone I could ever be serious about. You have no idea what a change you've made in my life. Now…" he pauses for just a moment, "I can't imagine my future without you." He brushes my knuckles with his thumb. "Do I see us telling everyone we're dating, and getting engaged in time to get married this year? Is that what you're asking?"

I think for a moment. What _am_ I asking him? What do I want to know?

His only waits a moment, and when I don't answer him, he goes on without my answer. "Hana, it's hard for me to answer any of those questions. More and more, I find myself wanting to sit next to you at every meal, and hold your hand, and kiss you good-bye and not worry about people realizing how much I care about you. But I'm used to protecting the people I care about, and right now… I don't see myself trusting Jude enough."

"Jude?" I can't keep my voice even as I repeat her name. "What does _Jude_ have to do with _us_?"

"What _doesn't_ she have do to with?" He lets go of my hand and cradles my face in both his hands. "Hana, she gave you a concussion because she _thought_ you were trying to take me from her. I… I don't know what she might do if- when- she finds out we really are seeing each other. I worry about that. More than I probably should."

"So… what?" I find myself suddenly standing, but I don't remember making the decision to do so. "We're just going to keep sneaking around until she dies?"

Eli stands up, but I take a step away from him.

"No, Hana," he assures me. "But I need to know you're safe. I can't… I can't imagine you being gone, or how anyone could ever fill the hole you'd leave in my life. I want…" Eli swallows hard, and then continues, "Hana, I _need_ you in my life."

For a moment, I am frozen. Did I really hear him right? He _needs_ me in his life? "Eli…" My voice is gentle. I stop, because I don't know what to say next. I close the distance between us. I reach up and frame his face in my hands. "We can't live our entire lives in fear of Jude. She's moved on," I remind him. "She's dating Zane."

"The same guy she used to try to make me jealous, to see if she could get me to propose to her," he retorts. His hands gently remove mine from his face and hold them.

"So? Maybe the reason she accused me was because of her guilty conscious. She knew what she was thinking about, and she figured I must be doing the same with you."

Eli looks at me for a moment. "Maybe," he admits softly. "But I'm not prepared to take that chance with you. I have to keep you safe." He takes a deep breath. "I promise you, by this time next year I'll- _we'll_\- have figured it out. We'll make sure everyone knows. I just… I have to work through somethings."

I look at him. I remove my hands from his and fold my arms across my chest.

"Hana?" His voice is anxious.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath then open my eyes again, and nod slowly. "Then we'll tell my family next year. If I get a chance, I might say something to Gayle," I pause and then add, "unless you'd rather I didn't."

Eli's face lights up. "I'm important enough that you'd tell your sister about me?"

I nod. "You're important enough that even if it has to be as Leeann's cousin, I'd like to introduce you to my family." I take a deep breath. "I can accept that you are concerned about Jude, but Eli, I'm not going to put my life on hold forever."

Eli nods. "I don't expect you to. I don't _want_ you to. I don't want _us_ to." Eli closes his eyes, tips his head back, and takes a deep breath. After he lets it out, he opens his eyes and looks back at me. "Hana, I've been protecting people I care about since I was young -too young, really, to be put in that position. I have to figure out how to protect you and how to let you go at the same time. It's hard for me. This isn't about you. This is about me." Eli reaches out and touches my cheek with his hand. "I do like what we have though, Hana. I like these stolen moments, up here on the roof. I like knowing that we can spend time together and get to know each other without the pressure of having to end up at the Chasm." His next breath hitches on the way in. "Don't get me wrong. Sometimes," his thumb brushes against my cheek, "I find it _very_ difficult to keep our agreement." He leans in and kisses my right cheek followed by my left cheek. "But Hana, I wouldn't change it."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I wouldn't change that either, but sometimes it would be nice to feel like I wasn't lying to Leeann."

"Leeann!" We both say her name together.

We've both lost track of how long we've been up here, but suddenly we remember that Leeann is waiting for us. "Was there anything else we needed to discuss?" I ask Eli.

"I'll try my best to show up sometime during Visiting Day. If you can try to stay close to Leeann, it shouldn't be a problem for you to introduce me to your parents, even if Jude is around."

I nod. It's the best compromise I'm going to get. "We'd better to get to Leeann and Chaz's, then." I wait for him to take my hand.

"But we better not show up together." Eli sits back down. "Go on ahead. I'll be about five minutes behind you."

For a moment I look at him, and then I walk back over to the bench and lean over. My arms wrap around him, and pull him close. "You know," I whisper softly in his ear, "I'd rather stay here with you." I start to move away.

His arms draw me back in. He presses his lips to my cheek. "I'd rather stay here with you, too. I'll figure out how to handle Jude so we can let everyone know. I promise."


	50. Chapter 50- Future In Law

**Gayle- Hana's older, married sister**

**Abram- Eli's father**

**Taylor-Eli's mother**

**Isaac- Hana's younger brother**

**Conner- Hana's coworker and Bekah's (one of Hana's friends) boyfriend**

**To answer Kylalovesbabe a guest reviewer's question I don't have a set updating schedule. Bahrfamily and I do everything we can to make sure there is an update every 3 to 4 days. (Even when that means she has to take over because I'm on vacation!) We try not to make you wait too long, but... writing does take time, and she and I agreed that real life comes before Fanficiton. (Even when we don't want it too!)**

**Also if I forget page breaks again. (Like I did on the last chapter) can someone please PM me so I can get it fixed! **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and of course to Bahrfamily. I couldn't do it without her!**

**50 Future In Law**

Here it comes… I can tell from the look in Gayle's eyes. "So… have you found me a brother-in-law yet?"

She _would_ ask. Eli hasn't shown up yet, and Leeann sits across from me. I'm silent. How do I answer this? I should have thought this through. I knew she was going to ask the question, and I knew I was going to be staying close to Leeann in hopes that Eli could drop by.

"Mom?" Gayle suddenly turns to our mother.

Mom looks over at Gayle.

"Hana has something to show me."

Mom looks at Dad, who is busy talking to Abram. "We'll wait here for you," she says, as she turns back to Taylor.

Suddenly, it strikes me as a little funny. Eli can't be here. I can't introduce him to my family, even as Leeann's cousin, but his family spends time with my family every year. His mother and my mother have spent the last 3 years getting to know each other at Visiting Day. I wonder, what they would think, if they knew who they were talking to? Would they be trading stories of us as kids? Would they be discussing the traits they saw in us as we got older and what faction they thought they would lead us to? Would they…

"Hana?" Gayle's voice interrupts my thoughts. She's already standing up and moving away from the cafeteria table we've been sitting at. I stand up and join her.

"What do I need to show you?" I ask Gayle, puzzled, as we walk away.

"Come up with something," Gayle says quickly. "You need to tell me about this guy you've met, and _why_ you're not going to do it at that table."

"How do you know that?"

Gayle smiles at me. "Because you didn't say anything at the table. Every other year, you've quickly denied it. You didn't deny anything this time."

I sigh. "It's complicated."

"Then you better start talking. We don't have a lot of time."

Right now, I would love to take Gayle to the rooftop and show her our garden. Up there, I know I could really talk, really tell her _all_ about Eli, but the Pire is off limits to visitors, so I quickly show her the echo chamber instead. We run into Tori and George there.

They are taking turns shouting into the chamber. Most of what they yell doesn't make sense to me, but it almost seems to be a secret language that they share. They act and react like they are communicating through the odd sentences.

Gayle gives a small shake of her head, like she can't believe what the two of them are up to. I gesture to her, and we move to the Chasm, so the roar will help mask our conversation.

"Here's the deaI," I take a deep breath. "No one knows I'm dating anyone."

"Leeann doesn't even know?" Gayle questions me.

"Leeann _can't_ know," I say, panicked.

"Hana, if you can't even tell your friends who you're seeing, do you really think you should be dating them? I mean it can't be…"

"It's not that," I cut her off quickly. "She knows him, and from what she said to me at one point in time, I know she'd be in favor of it. She even told me once that if I was interested in him, she'd help me. But dating expectations in Dauntless aren't… aren't…" I struggle with how to explain this to Gayle. "It's public, and it's physical," I finally blurt out. "Mom would never…"

Gayle nods. It may have been expected that she would stay in Abnegation, but Mom still talked to her about it, and of course, even though she had already left the house for most of them, she heard some of the conversations Mom had with me.

"We've found a compromise that's somewhere between Dauntless and Abnegation," I assure Gayle. "The other reason no one knows is because there's a group of us that are all good friends. He's even related to a couple of them. When we started seeing each other, we decided that if it doesn't work out, dating-wise, we don't want any of them to know, so we could stay friends and no one would feel like they have to take sides." I take a deep breath. I'm debating if I should tell her about Jude and the fact that Eli is still concerned she'll come after me if she finds out we're dating, but at the last minute, I change my mind.

The fact that Eli dated someone as unstable as Jude wouldn't be a point in his favor. When my family meets Eli, I want them to like him. They won't have too many chances to see him. So anything I say about him now is going to count forever.

"And you're okay with this?" Gayle looks me straight in the eye.

I nod and try to explain why I'm okay with this to her. "I don't want to be expected to stand there," I point further down the rail to where I stood with Tyson when he tried to kiss me, "and kiss him where everyone can see us." I don't explain how much of a kiss is expected to Gayle. Just a kiss in public is enough, to someone from Abnegation. "I don't want to lose my best friend because I tried dating him and it didn't work out."

"So, he's related to Leeann?" Gayle checks.

I confirm with a nod.

She takes a deep breath. "Hana, are you sure…"

I cut her off. "Gayle, we take things at _my_ pace. He doesn't push me into anything. He…" I close my eyes and tip my head back, trying to figure out how to explain Eli to Gayle. "He's overprotective about me. He worries when he doesn't think I'm getting enough sleep. He makes me laugh. He takes care of me, and it's funny… he takes care of everyone, but no one seems to have noticed that he watches after me differently."

"You really like him, don't you?" Gayle's voice is soft.

I take a deep breath. It's time to be brave. "Gayle, I've grown to love him."

Gayle whistles softly. She recognizes the phrase from Mom. "So, next Nuptials Day…"

I shake my head. "I don't think so. We kind of talked about it. I'm pretty sure that if anything was going to happen in the next six months, he'd be here to meet Mom, Dad, Isaac, and you today." I pause for a second. "He's actually trying to come, but without telling anyone at work that he'd dating a transfer. He's hoping to show up, so I can introduce him, at least as Leeann's cousin."

Gayle nods. "So, do I say anything?"

I take a deep breath. I knew this question was going to come up when I told Gayle about Eli. I never came up with a good answer. Part of me feels I should be the one to tell Mom and Dad. Part of me would like for them to know I've met someone as wonderful as Eli, even if we are going slow. "That's your call. I'm okay if you do. If you think it would be better to wait until they can meet…"

Gayle smiles, her little Abnegation smile. "He makes you happy, though?"

I grin. "Very."

"And you make him happy?"

I tip my head, thinking about it. "I think so. I hope so."

"That's good enough for me." She stands up. "We ought to get back. If he's going to try to stop by, it would be bad if you and I weren't there."

* * *

My shift starts in thirty minutes. Gayle has managed to get the whole family to wait to leave until the last bus before I have to go to work. Isaac has only been here for about an hour, because of a volunteer project he is leading. Mom and Dad had tried leaving before he got here, so Gayle and I could have some time alone, and then the three of us could have some time together once he got here, but Gayle managed to convince them to stay.

It looks like it was in vain, though. The bus rumbles into sight. Isaac bobs his head at me. "See you next year, Hana."

I bob my head back. "You can quit growing anytime now," I say with a smile, as I look up at my younger brother.

He smiles back and heads to the line forming for the bus.

"Be careful," Dad tells me gruffly. Then, with his own nod, he follows Isaac towards the line.

Mom's eyes hold unshed tears. "I like your choice in friends," she tells me softly. "Leeann and her family are good people. I'm glad you have them around."

I fight my own tears. She's right, they are, but she didn't even get to meet the member of the family I most wanted her to meet. We nod at each other, and then she follows the guys.

"I'm sorry he didn't make it," Gayle tells me softly. "I would have liked to meet him."

"Next year," I tell her, willing it to be that way.

She nods and then leans in close and whispers a secret in my ear.

Two of the tears I have been fighting slip out of my eyes. The bus pulls up to the stop, and Gayle quickly joins the rest of the family, as the visitors to Dauntless surge toward the open door.

I hear someone jogging up behind me, as the door to the bus closes and it pulls away. I see Gayle looking out the window. She smiles, knowingly, just as Eli reaches me.

"I'm so sorry," I hear him whisper.

I press my fingers to my eyes and wipe away the tears that almost fall.

"Hana, Sweetheart, are you okay?" His voice is almost too low for me to hear him.

What I wouldn't give right now to be at the top of the Pire in this moment, alone in our garden, where he could hold me and let me cry. Instead, I nod and square my shoulders.

Faction before blood. I'm not a faction traitor, but they're still my family.

"Gayle just told me I'm going to be an aunt again." I take a deep breath, feeling the tears build again. "I may never get to see her baby, or hold it."

"Hana..." He stops, unsure of what to say.

I look up at him for just a moment. "Thank you for trying to make it," I whisper. "I have to get to work now."

His hand reaches out and catches my arm. "I'll pick you up after work. I'll find a way to make sure Nick isn't with me."

I nod. Right now, I could really use some time with just Eli.

* * *

I'm glad Sultana isn't the supervisor on duty tonight when I get there, because tonight, the control room is almost as much of a haze as it was the night Eli gave me his kiss to hold on to. I do notice a camera that is down in Candor, and as I log it, I find myself praying that Eli isn't really on call tonight. The rest of my time at work is spent worrying that when I walk out that door, Nick will be waiting for me without Eli, instead of Eli waiting for me without Nick.

Sultana is walking into work as I walk out. Eli is as good as his word: when I walk out of the Control Room, he is standing there waiting for me, and Nick is nowhere in sight. "Let's go." Eli touches my elbow and leads me down the hall. It barely registers with me that we're going a different way than normal. When we turn the corner, I notice Sultana still standing by the door to the Control Room. She has her hand on her hip and is leaning against the door, looking down the hallway at us with a thoughtful look on her face.

We reach the bank of elevators by a longer, less direct route, but we don't run into anyone going this way. I think that was Eli's intention. Thankfully, when the door opens, it is empty, but we still don't touch. I'm grateful. If he touches me right now, I will break into a million pieces.

The elevator stops at the top floor, not at the roof top. "Come here." Eli leaves the car and motions for me to follow him. He moves to the doorway next to the elevator. He opens the door for me. There are stairs.

"Which way are we headed?"

Eli smiles. "Up."

Together, we climb the stairs to the roof. When Eli opens the door, the garden is directly ahead. It seems like, since the last time we were here, half the flowers have bloomed. I take a deep breath and smell the sweet scent of blooms.

Eli takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. I cling to him, feeling his shirt grow damp. He holds me. He says nothing. He just lets me cry.

I cry for Gayle's baby, whom I will never know, and who will never even know I exist. I cry for the fact that the bus was pulling away when he got there and that I couldn't introduce Eli to my family. I cry until all my tears are gone. "Thank you," I finally whisper, and stand up on my tip toes so I can kiss him on his jaw.

Eli looks at me seriously. "Is that what you meant to do?"

I shake my head and smile at him. "You're too tall for me to reach your cheek."

Eli leans over. "Is this better?" His voice is soft.

I get back on my tip toes and kiss his cheek. "What did I do to deserve you?"

Eli's hand presses gently against my cheek. "Hana, you deserve so much more."


	51. Chapter 51- Buckingham Fountain

**Abilyn-one of Hana's roommates**

**Jude- (Mentioned) Eli's deranged ex-girlfriend**

**Thank you all for continuing to read and review this story! And a special thanks to my wonderful Beta, Bahrfamily, who keeps putting up with me going... I think I forgot, or wht about... **

**51 Buckingham Fountain**

It doesn't dawn on me what I've done, until I realize that Eli is trying hard not to stare at me. My chin rests on my left hand that is being held up by my right hand, which just happens to be balled up in a fist. I wink at him when I catch him looking at me. I shift my hands so my forehead is resting on my open hand.

He smiles slightly and turns his attention back to Abilyn's story of what happened yesterday on patrol. I realize I haven't been paying attention when I suddenly hear the name that can still run shivers down my spine.

"Anyway, Jude says when she got there the man was already on the ground and bleeding, but…" Abilyn shrugs and lowers her voice. "This isn't the first time she's been the one to find these Factionless people who have been beaten up.

"The really odd thing about the attack was there was a pair of red overalls with gray patches and a ripped blue t-shirt that we found just a couple of streets away. They had fresh blood on them. So it looks like whoever beat him up actually had another pair of clothes to change into. Most Factionless don't have that." She gestures with her hands a bit oddly. She still can't quite get used to the ring Ben gave her after he met her parents on Visiting Day.

"Hana," Leeann turns her eyes on me with a very serious look. "You take a lot of walks. You don't go to the Factionless sectors when you do that, do you?"

I shake my head. "Not usually." Of course, usually when I'm taking a "walk," I'm actually with Eli or Natalie.

"Promise me that you won't go out there by yourself until they find whoever is beating them up and stop it. It's awful! I don't want you to get hurt."

I smile. "I can take care of myself."

"Hana, I'm serious. If you feel the need to take a walk, and you think you'll stray that far from Dauntless, promise me you'll take Nick or Eli with you."

"If it will make you feel better, _if_ I realize I'm going that far, I'll try to grab one of them," I promise her.

"Thank you." Leeann stands up. Her hands wrapped around the sides of her tray. "You worked last night. Are you headed to bed?"

I'm so glad I can keep myself from laughing. "No, I'm not tired. I'll probably go for a walk to see if I can wind down."

Leeann gives me a pointed look, and then looks at Nick.

"Don't look at me! I've got to get to work!" He stands up with his tray and heads off.

"I'm off this morning." Eli sighs deeply. "I guess that means I have to babysit Hana."

"Thank you!" Leeann grins and heads off.

"I never said I was going to the Factionless Sector!" I protest to Leeann's retreating form.

"You never said you weren't, either," she throws back over her shoulder.

I try to look put out for the benefit of everyone who is still there. "Come on, Eli. You probably want to get some sleep. You don't have to come with me."

I see a twinkle in his eye. Since Leeann and Nick have both left the table, I can hope that no one else has learned how to read him as well as I have. "And face the wrath of Leeann if she finds out?" He stands up. "Let's go. I'd like to catch a nap sometime today," he grumbles for their benefit.

* * *

It seems odd to feel like we can actually catch a train together. Eli laughs as we arrive on the platform. "When we planned to get away this morning, I never thought we'd have this kind of an excuse."

I laugh too. "Don't get used to it. If we start doing this too much, someone will catch on."

The whistle blares right then. Eli starts running, and I'm right behind him. He grabs the handle and pulls himself in as effortlessly as he did the first time I watched him. I grab the bar as soon as he lets go of it. Our hands almost touch. As I pull myself in, I feel his hand on my waist, drawing me in. We may have a reason for getting on together, but our cover will be blown if anyone we know saw that.

Eli takes my hand and draws me into the corner of the car where no one can see us. "Would it be the end of the world?" Eli asks me, as he kisses my right cheek.

"Would what be the end of the world?" He kisses my left cheek as I ask that. I'm not sure where his question came from.

"If they caught on to us, would it be the end of the world?" He leans in and kisses my forehead for the first time.

I wrap my arms around him and pull myself closer to him. His arms envelop me. "No, it wouldn't be the end of the world." I push myself just far enough away from him that I can see his face. "Does that mean you're ready to face Jude knowing?" I stand up on tip toe, and since he's still leaning down a little, I'm able to kiss his cheek.

He pulls me in closer and holds me tight. "I still don't know how to do that and protect you." There is a touch of pain in his voice. "I'm trying, Hana. I'm trying."

"Where are we headed?" I ask Eli after we jump off the train. We're close to Erudite territory.

"We're just getting out." He smiles at me. "It's a beautiful day and I have no desire to be cooped up inside, or near where anyone we know can see us." His arm slips around my waist.

I put my arm around him too, and lean into his arm. I close my eyes for a moment and breathe in the muggy summer air.

"Happy?" he asks. I feel him lean in and kiss my forehead.

I smile and look up at him. "I'm with you. I'm very happy." I stand on my tip toes and kiss his jaw.

"Good."

As we walk along Millennium Park in silence, I develop an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I said something wrong earlier. I didn't get onto him about the fact that he can't handle Jude knowing. To be honest, it concerns me a little, too, but we're going to have to face it sometime.

We pass the stage with its exploded panels. "I wonder if you can climb that?" I muse out loud, mainly to distract myself.

Eli looks at me. "What is it with you and climbing? You climb the Amity fence; you have to be the first one to climb the Picasso statue…"

My shoulders bounce up and down in a quick shrug. "Amity was a Dare. Picasso…" I smile a wicked smile at him, "someone was getting ready to throw a snowball at me, and I really didn't want to get hit."

Eli laughs and squeezes me tighter against him. "Then you shouldn't have thrown a snowball at his face."

"I didn't!" I try to defend myself. "I threw it at your back. _Nick_ called your name and caused you to turn around!"

We laugh together and the odd feeling in my stomach grows. Part of me is getting tired of sneaking around behind everyone's back. Part of me wants to let everyone know where Eli and I stand with each other. Part of me is afraid that if we don't change something soon, we will never change. And this isn't something I want to go on forever.

We continue walking north, away from the stage. I guess Eli isn't interested in climbing today. When we are almost to Buckingham Fountain, Eli turns to me. "Tell you what. We can climb Buckingham Fountain. That seems safer to me than trying to climb that stage."

"Deal." When we can see the fountain, I'm about to start running to it when I realize there are two figures in gray sitting on the edge of the fountain. She's let her dusty blonde hair out of her bun, so it fans out around her shoulders, framing her face.

His hair is short, Abnegation short, and darker than hers, closer to a brown color. His hand is tangled in her hair.

Their clothes state they are Abnegation, but they sure don't _act_ like Abnegation. His hand pulls her face closer to his, and in that moment, right before he kisses her, I see enough of her face to know who she is. It _is_ Natalie.

Eli stops next to me. "Well, I'll be…" he says softly.

I study the boy next to Natalie, trying to decide if it is Andrew or not. I'm pretty sure it is.

They must hear what Eli said, or sense that we are there, because it's a quick kiss, and as soon as their lips part, they look up and see us. I can see both their faces clearly. It is Natalie and Andrew. Eli and I still have our arms around each other. Without a word or even a look at each other, Natalie and I both move away from the guys. Just a little.

"We'll climb the fountain another day," Eli tells me as he turns me around. We walk away from the fountain. We turn the first corner we come to. Eli looks at me. "I thought Abnegations didn't touch." He's trying to hold back the laughter.

"Abnegations don't," I state firmly. "They're both transfers."

He raises an eyebrow at me in mock disbelief.

"I didn't know them."

"Sure."

"That was…" I barely stop myself from saying Natalie's name. "Oh, what's her name? The one I traded places with."

Eli shakes his head. "You would still remember I said that."

I grin at him and then just look at him, waiting for him to supply her name.

"Natalie. Her name is Natalie," he informs me resignedly.

"That's right."

"I wonder where he was from," Eli asks.

It takes a lot to keep me from telling him I'm pretty sure it's Erudite, but how would I explain knowing that?

Eli checks his watch. "It's just as well we didn't climb the fountain. We probably need to head back. We won't get back much before lunch as it is."

I take Eli's hand back and weave my fingers into his. "I'm glad we both had this morning off."

"I am too." Eli kisses my cheek.

I wonder how long it's going to take Natalie to decide we need to get together. I may have had a strong suspicion that she and Andrew picked Abnegation together, but I don't think she had a clue about Eli and me. I bet I hear from her soon.

When we head back to the train that will take us back to Dauntless, the thought crosses my mind. It could be nice to have someone I can actually talk to!

* * *

As I expected, the message is already there, waiting for me, by the time I get on my tablet that night.

_**I expect to see you tomorrow night around midnight at my old room. I'll assume you are going to be there unless I hear from you.**_

A second message beeps as I finish reading the first one. It's short and sums up her disbelief.

_**Eli?! We HAVE to talk!**_

* * *

For the first time, Natalie and I run into each other in the hallway. We don't say anything to each other. Automatically we each check the hallway, and then we reach up together for the light. We smile at each other when our hands bump. I take mine down and let her turn on the knob.

The door clicks softly behinds us and in sync we turn to each other.

"Andrew?"

"Eli?"

We say the guys' names in unison. Then we both laugh.

"So, did you pick Abnegation together?" I startle her by asking.

"What…? How did you…?" She stutters, shocked by my question.

We walk together back to the bed. We both sit down on the edge.

"You looked straight at him when you choose Abnegation. When you came to Dauntless with the barrels for the clothes for the Factionless, he looked at you like you were his world." I shrug. "I only have a couple questions."

Natalie tilts her head to the side. "Only a couple? Then you go first. I have a _lot_ more than that!"

"Did he come from the other side of the fence, too?" I've been curious about that ever since I saw him walking around Abnegation after dark one day.

Natalie shakes her head. "No, he's always been here."

So much for that theory.

"You were in Dauntless; he was in Erudite. How'd you meet?"

Natalie smiles at me. "Since I'm really a year older, that last year in school was pretty much a review for me. Andrew," her smile changes to a softer one, "had problems with psychology. For me, it was a pretty easy class. They aren't exactly nice to Erudite who struggle with a class, so I offered to help him.

"I noticed he was cute, and I was supposed to leave Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony and go to Erudite. I figured getting to know Andrew, whose family is well respected in Erudite, was a good move."

"Why were you even in Dauntless… Oh!" I feel silly for even starting the question. "They put you in Dauntless because of your tattoos."

Natalie nods, and then continues, "We started off innocently enough. We really were just studying, but the longer we studied, the more I noticed things about him. We started talking. Really talking, kind of like you and I do, only…even more so." Her green eyes grow thoughtful. "We started by talking about things that we see that are wrong with the factions." She lets herself fall back on the bed. "We talked about what was right about the factions. We talked about what it must be like to be Factionless. We talked about what should be done about the Factionless.

"Andrew always had an opinion. He always had an idea, and they were new, fresh, thoughtful. Almost before I knew it, I realized I was beginning to love him." Natalie shrugged. "It just grew." She puts a hand over her heart. "He became a part of me."

I lay down on my side, facing her, as she continues.

"He always loved Erudite. He made me think that I could fit in there, that I could handle being in Erudite, as long as he was there. Then one day, on his way to meet with me, he had to walk past the Factionless sector. Jeanine and Norton happened to be there. Jeanine had given a Factionless man a jacket and a jar of peanut butter in trade for letting her try out her new serum on him." Natalie lifts her green eyes to me. "You've experienced a modified version of it."

I feel my brows lower. "When?"

"The fear serum that she tried on you during initiation."

I shudder at the memory.

"Only, from what I understand, the version of the serum she gave the Factionless man didn't give much of a scenario to work with. Andrew watched helplessly as the man started screaming. He backed up, trying to get away from whatever he saw, but since it was really just in his mind, he couldn't get away from it. He tripped at one point in time. He was on the ground sobbing, trying to get up, but not able to. He crab-walked backwards until he ran into a building, then he balled up at the foot of it and kept screaming. He tried to pull something off of himself.

"They did nothing to stop it." Natalie's eyes are blazing with anger. "They tortured that poor man. They let him stay in that hallucination until the serum wore off.

"Norton, ever the scientist, didn't stop it. He wanted to see what would happen. The serum took well over half an hour to wear off, according to Andrew. The man screamed, tossed, tried to run away during all of it. When it wore off, he passed out."

I nod slowly; I can only imagine how tired being stuck in the nightmare of fear for that long would make you.

"What happened to the man?" My question comes out as a whisper.

"The Factionless man?" Natalie clarifies.

I nod.

"When he woke up, he still remembered what happened to him. He went mad, attacked people, and tried to kill himself. It was awful. Andrew feels so guilty for not trying to stop it," she answers. She sits up, and so do I.

We're both quiet. I can imagine how guilty he would feel, but what could he have done?

"After that, Andrew's opinion of Erudite changed. I never really wanted to go there. I realized that the only thing that had ever made the idea of Erudite bearable for me was Andrew. He decided he couldn't stay in Erudite. I love him enough to go wherever he went." Natalie shrugs. "I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. When he got better at psychology and didn't need my help anymore, we still spent a lot of time at Buckingham Fountain. It was a good place to get away, our special place away from Factions and prying eyes."

I smile. I can understand that. To them, Buckingham Fountain must be what the rooftop garden has become to Eli and me.

"He proposed there." Natalie's voice is soft.

"What?!"

"He proposed to me right before you and Eli showed up." Her face glows with happiness.

"Natalie!" I lean over and hug her.

"You're right. We did pick Abnegation together. He was leaning towards it, and after my experience with the Fringe, being able to help the Factionless appealed to me. I have an idea, first hand, of what they go through."

We're both quiet. Thinking back to my quiet days back in Abnegation, I can see why Abnegation would work for both of them.

Natalie breaks the silence. "Okay, are you really done?" She looks at me skeptically.

"For now."

The words are barely out of my mouth when she starts. "Eli? _Really_?"

I laugh. "Eli. Really."

"I thought the whole stalker aspect of his personality drove you nuts."

"It did. It does."

"But…"

"But he's sweet, and caring, he has a great sense of humor…" How much do I tell her? "I noticed him before I even made it to Dauntless Headquarters! Then I found out he was Leeann's cousin…" I flop down on the bed this time. "And then you add Jude on top of it…"

Natalie laughs at me. "You are in a little bit of a spot."

"But he's Eli, and he's a wonderful." I turn over on my stomach and prop my head on my hands, "We're keeping things very quiet while we figure out what is going on."

Natalie mimics me. "You're right. He's a great guy. You could do a whole lot worse." Natalie suddenly smiles. "How quiet is quiet?"

I bite my bottom lip. "Well, you just found out, and I told my sister Gayle at Visiting Day, and I told her she could tell my parents I was seeing someone, but… I think I just named everyone who knows."

"Hana…"

"I know, but…" I shrug. "He's worth it." Then I sit up and look at her. "Isn't Andrew?"

Natalie nods. "Yes, he's definitely worth it."


	52. Chapter 52- Unraveling

**Chaz-Leeann's husband**

**Sue, Dan, Carly- (mentioned) co-workers of Hana's**

**Angie, Bekah, and Abilyn- friends of Hana's**

**Conner- co-worker of Hana's, Bekah's boyfriend**

**Taylor and Abram- Eli's parents**

**Sultana- one of the control room supervisors, mother of one of Eli's friends (Rais), and Amar's grandmother**

**Isaac- (mentioned) Hana's younger brother**

**Jeff and Miles- (mentioned) the other control room supervisors**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! **

**I hope you like this one! **

**And thank you to Bahrfamily who, when I asked her if this was too long, promised me no one would complain about the length! Hope she's right!**

**51 Unraveling**

"Hana!" Eli calls out to me.

I stop, confused. It's not like Eli to call out to just me like this, in the Pit. I watch as he jogs up to me.

"I need to make this quick," he smiles at me, "but it's nice to have a legitimate reason to talk to you, too."

I smile back. "So what's the excuse?"

"Chaz's birthday is coming up. Mom's throwing a surprise party for him. You don't work Friday afternoon or overnight, do you?"

I shake my head. "I'm free until midnight. Sue had her baby today, so I have to go in early."

Eli grins. "Actually, you're busy until quarter 'till midnight now. You need to be at Mom and Dad's by four."

I laugh. "Do you want me to come early and help?"

"That _is_ early so you can help." Eli shrugs. "I knew you would volunteer. Mom voluntold me that I would help her. I told her that you would probably ask if she needed any help."

"How did you know?"

"It's a very 'Stiff' thing to do." He laughs at me.

I want to take his hand so badly and tell him I'm not as much of a Stiff as I used to be.

"I wish I could hug you," Eli suddenly whispers.

I nod. "Me, too."

"Meet me at the garden at seven?"

It's gotten easier to disappear, now that Leeann and Angie are married, Abilyn is engaged, and Bekah is dating Conner. That only leaves Kelly to worry about. She usually doesn't say anything if I disappear after dinner. Natalie would already have contacted me if she needs me for anything tonight. "I can."

Suddenly Leeann appears out of nowhere. How close has she been? Did she hear any of our last exchange?

"Did you talk to her?" she asks Eli quickly.

Eli nods.

"Are you coming?" Leeann turns to me.

"Of course! I've even been volunteered to help get things ready." After I say it, I wonder if that was a good thing to tell her or not.

"You volunteered anyway! I knew you would. You're a Stiff," Eli teases me. "You can't help it!"

He rarely calls me that in front of anyone else. I hold up my fist to him and shake it. Leeann's back is to me, so I smile at him and slowly uncurl my fingers one at a time, trying to figure out where I'm going to place the kiss this time. Then suddenly it hits me. Not where to place the kiss, although that happens too. What hits me is the sneeze, out of nowhere. I cover my nose with my hand and touch the tip of my nose with my palm.

I look over at Eli. He is about to die laughing. The only thing that keeps me from laughing out loud is my Abnegation training. I can keep from laughing out loud, but if anyone looks at my eyes right now, they'll see what I am holding in.

"What are you laughing at?" Leeann turns to see what is going on with me.

Eli takes a deep breath so he can speak. "Your friend," it always sounds weird to me when he refers to me that way, but we both agreed that around Leeann, it works, "was threatening to hit me, and instead…" He laughs again. "Instead, she ended up hitting herself in the nose when she had to sneeze."

Leeann looks at me and I shrug, hoping I look embarrassed enough to explain the red face.

Leeann shakes her head at both of us. "I've got to go. I'll see you both at dinner." And she bounces off.

I look over at Eli. "Do you think she overheard…?"

Eli shakes his head. "If she had, she would still be standing here grilling us." He takes a deep breath. "But that was close! Really close…"

* * *

It's still daylight when I reach the garden. Eli's already waiting there for me. He stands up from the bench, walks over to me, and wraps his arms around me. For a moment we just hold each other. It always feels so good just to be able to hug him. Then I feel his lips on my right cheek, right where he kissed me the first time. Then my left cheek, my forehead: first kiss, second kiss, third kiss. He pulls back right before the fourth. I can see he's about to start laughing at me again. He kisses the tip of my nose. "Is that really where you meant for it to land?"

I finally get to laugh. "No!"

"So where was it supposed to go?" His whisper in my ear sends chills down my spine.

I stand on my tip toes to whisper back. He leans down so he can hear me better. "I guess you'll find out later." I kiss him by the ear.

Eli throws his head back and laughs. When he stops, he looks at me, grinning, but serious. "I can't wait."

* * *

Friday at four, I find myself outside of Taylor and Abram's door, waiting for someone to open it and fiddling with Chaz's present. I've been here before, but I haven't been here since Feast Day, and with as serious as I think Eli and I are getting to be… I guess I'm just nervous that everything goes well with his family. To my surprise, it's not Taylor or Abram who answers my knock, but Eli.

His hand brushes my face quickly and gently. "Hi."

"Hi…" I smile nervously. "Why am I nervous?" My voice is a whisper.

"There's nothing to be nervous about." Eli shakes his head. "Come in."

He closes the door behind me. "Mom forgot something, and she and Dad went to get it." Eli folds me into his arms. His cheek rests on top of my head. My arms wrap around him. For a minute or two we just stand there and enjoy the unexpected moment. "Remind me to thank her," Eli murmurs. He leans down and kisses my cheek.

* * *

"Eli! We're back!" I smile at Eli over the table at the sound of his mother's voice. Hopefully we got enough on the list done that, as long as we stick with the story that I was a little late, she won't suspect that we spent most of the time she was gone cuddling on the couch and talking.

"We're setting the table," Eli calls back.

Taylor walks over and looks at the table. "Eli, did you do _anything_ before she got here?"

"No," Eli answers at the same time I respond, "Yes."

Taylor looks at us funny. I guess we should have given the same answer.

"Yes, he did," I say firmly, with a glance at Eli. "I was late, and he's trying to cover for me."

Taylor looks at Eli, who shrugs.

* * *

Taylor sends Leeann in for the rest of the plates while I wash them. She looks over her shoulder and leans toward me. "You're good for him, you know that, right?" she tells me softly.

My head swings around to her in surprise.

Taylor laughs at my reaction. "You're good for Eli." She looks at me for a second. "Keep an open mind when it comes to my son, because you're a good balance for him. He's not always serious enough, and you can use some of his humor, I'd say."

"Taylor, I don't…"

I see Leeann enter the kitchen with a handful of plates, so I turn back to the sink. I concentrate on the plate I'm washing.

"Thank you, dear," Taylor says gently to Leeann. I hear the clatter of dishes as they trade hands. "I think Hana and I can take it from here."

"You sure?" Leeann sounds like she is already heading for the other room.

"I'm sure." Taylor responds.

I don't look up from my dish. I listen to Leeann's footsteps fade away before I look up. I hear Taylor set the plates down next to me. When I look up, Taylor is studying me. "Hana, I didn't mean to embarrass you, but I'm his mother, and it's very obvious to me that Eli thinks a lot of you, and something tells me you think a lot of him, too."

I can feel my face heating up. There's no point in lying. She'll never believe me.

"I think a lot of all of them." It's honest without giving too much away.

Taylor grins and shakes her head. "You're avoiding giving me a direct answer about Eli. That tells me something."

Unsure of what to say, I take a deep breath. "Don't say anything to Leeann or Nick. Please."

"You know Leeann would just…" she starts and then pauses. I watch her face as a few things click into place. "You're right. You and Leeann are friends and you and Eli…" She obviously knows something is going on between us, but she's not quite sure what, so she leaves her sentence there.

In the few minutes it takes us to finish the dishes, we work in silence. "For what it is worth," Taylor puts a hand on my shoulder after she dries the last plate.

I try to stay relaxed and to not tense up -and I don't stiffen as much as I used to - but I don't know her well. I freeze without meaning to. The sudden light in her eyes and the smile on her face tells me that in that moment, I gave something away. Eli calls me "Stiff" and he must have said something to his mother that my stiffening up when she touched me has given away. "For what it's worth, I like you." Her grin is almost a wide as her son's. "I like you a lot."

* * *

"Change in plans," Eli whispers to me as we walk away from the cafeteria. "I have to check a camera near Buckingham Fountain. What if I meet you at Buckingham Fountain, and we can check out the view from the top?"

I smile. He remembers that we were going to do that when we ran into Natalie and Andrew. "What time?"

"I should be done with the camera I need to take care of by eight. Meet me then?"

"I'll see you then." I head back to the control room to finish my extra shift. Dan had his appendix out last night. Everyone is working extra in the control room these days.

I break into a run when I'm almost to the fountain. I'm running a little late and I don't want Eli to be worried about me. I slow down when I realize he's not there. Part of me wants to go ahead and climb to the top of the fountain and wave to him from there, but… I know his overprotective streak will go nuts if he sees me there, so instead I climb up on one of the metal horses that are in the base and sit on its broad chest. The metal is warm from the sun, almost too warm to be sitting on it. I'm about to climb down when I hear a familiar voice.

"I think you'll be a natural at throwing knives. You've already read a couple of books on it, so you know the theory behind it. It will put you ahead of everyone but the Dauntless-born, and if you're really that worried about it, I'll bring you a set of knives you can practice with."

I peek around the head of the horse. Sure enough, I see Tori, her hair pulled back into a ponytail that now reaches her shoulder blades, walking next to a boy in blue.

"You can do that?" George's voice is excited.

Tori wraps her arm around her brother's shoulder. "I can do it for _you_, but you'll have to hide it. No one can know."

"I promise, Tori."

Tori stops short, her arm pulling George to a stop. Her brown eyes are focused on one thing - me.

I take a deep breath. I wish she hadn't seen me, but even if Eli shows up now, we'd just each have a secret on the other. She's shouldn't be with George, and no one knows about Eli and me. "Hi!" I call out cheerfully, hoping my voice is just loud enough that she won't realize anything else is wrong, while still alerting Eli to the fact that there is someone else in the area.

"What are you doing here?" Tori's voice is wary.

I carefully slide down off the horse and walk towards them. "I thought I'd see how hard the fountain would be to climb." I shrug my shoulders, "Please don't tell Leeann I'm here without an escort." I try to sound desperate. "This isn't a Factionless area, even if no Faction really controls it."

Tori looks me up and down for a moment. "I didn't see you, if you didn't see us."

Perfect. That's just the response I was hoping for when I tossed out Leeann's name. "If I wasn't here, how could I see anyone?"

Tori smiles with relief. We both know she and George shouldn't be together. If the wrong person saw them here they would both be labeled as faction traitors, and then they would both most likely become factionless.

Eli comes up right about then, with a small backpack of tools slung over one shoulder. "What's going on here?" His cheerful voice is just a little off.

Tori spins around and sees him. Her eyes close in fear.

I think fast. I need to say something that will cover for Tori, and yet help Eli understand a little bit of what's going on. "I couldn't find you or Nick, so Tori agreed to come for a walk with me."

Eli's eyebrows pucker together. He knows I was coming here to meet him. He knows I wasn't walking here with Tori.

"You can imagine how surprised we were when we ran across someone she used to know in Erudite." I don't give George's name or relation. I don't even draw attention to him by looking at him.

"It's not so surprising." George chimes in with a disgusted tone to his voice. "We're a lot closer to Erudite than Dauntless. Finding an Erudite in this area is much less of a surprise than finding three Dauntless."

Eli laughs. "I'm working." He holds up his bag of tools. "I just fixed a camera that was down near Millennium Park. I'm getting ready to head back to Dauntless now. That one," he points to me, "likes to wander, but has been told that she's not supposed to wander away from Dauntless while there's someone on the loose who has been attacking the Factionless."

I huff out a breath. Pretend he's Leeann, I tell myself. He understands what you're doing. He won't be upset. "Right… the _Factionless_. I'm _Dauntless_. Besides, like I said, I brought Tori with me."

Tori nods. She realizes my cover gives both of us a reason to be here. Thankfully, Eli doesn't say anything about how much George and Tori look alike.

"We were getting ready to head back," Tori agrees. "Tell George that the red rose is set for a hawk drink." Tori looks at George.

George nods slowly. "Banshee that."

Those two really do have to have their own language. That made no sense what so ever to anyone except them

"Eli," I walk over to him trying to make sure his back is to the two of them, so they can exchange a private good-bye, "you aren't going to tell Leeann, are you? Even if I didn't have you or Nick with me, I did have Tori with me."

Eli realizes Tori and George can't see his face, and he gives me a very puzzled look.

I shift slightly so that Eli's broad back hides me. "Later," I mouth, and he nods in understanding.

"Come on, Tori." Eli must realize there is more going on, because he doesn't turn around, he just starts walking towards the trains. "I realize you were just keeping an eye on Hana, but we ought to get back to Dauntless."

* * *

"One more try for Buckingham Fountain?" Eli asks as we leave the cafeteria that next day, so he can walk me back to work. Nick already left to go back to work. No one questions Eli walking me back to work, even though Jude's probably asleep, since she had the overnight shift last night.

"What do you have in mind?"

"You've had the crazy schedule lately, so what works for you? Tech support needs a couple of volunteers for overnight shifts tomorrow so… I can do just about anything."

I think for a while. Eli's right, my schedule has been pretty crazy lately. Sue's maternity will be extended since she had a C-section. Dan's appendix was worse than they thought, and now his incision is infected. Jan got put on bedrest yesterday. The rest of us are all putting in more hours than we want to. "I work five pm to five am for the next couple of days. Does after breakfast work for you?"

Eli nods. "Tomorrow?"

I smile. Just looking forward to it makes me happy. "Tomorrow," I agree.

* * *

Tomorrow turns out to be a hot and muggy day. Everyone in Dauntless is trying to stay underground, so of course Eli and I decide it's the perfect day to leave the compound.

I catch the train at Dauntless. I hold the handle and lean out just a little to catch the breeze. As soon as I see Eli, I move out of the way so he can grab the handle. He swings on and smiles at me. I'm not that far away from the door, so he only has to hold out his hand to reach me.

Our hands touch and I feel my heart react. He pulls me closer to him, and in spite of the heat, it feels so good to feel his arms around me, to feel my face against his chest.

His cheek rests on top of my head. "I love days like this," he whispers to me, even though we are alone.

I pull away, feeling the cooling breeze from the open door. "You love hot sticky days?"

Eli laughs at me and kisses me by the ear. "Sort of. I love days when I don't think too many people will leave Dauntless, and it feels like we have the whole city to ourselves." He kisses my other cheek.

I smile as he kisses my forehead and nose. "I enjoy that, too."

"Are you sure you want to climb the fountain today?" Eli blots the sweat off his forehead with his arm.

I laugh. "What, do you just want to find some place cool?"

"Yes, but I think we just left the only cool place in the city." He answers dryly.

I think of the underground tunnels that Natalie and I use to get around the town. It's a shame that I can't take him down there. The only person who might find us there is Natalie, and, she already knows about Eli and I. The tunnels are much like the Pit in Dauntless. It's underground so it's nice and cool. "What if we go to the Picasso statue? Not to climb on it." I quickly add. The statue is metal. Touching it today would burn you. "It should be shaded down there."

He wraps his hand around mine. "You know, today I'd let you throw a snowball at me, no complaints."

I laugh and squeeze his hand. "I wish I could, but if I could do that, you'd be complaining about how cold it is."

Eli's laughter joins mine. Despite the heat, he pulls me close and wraps his arm around my waist as we walk.

We walk straight to the statue. For now, the buildings shade the square. That won't last as the sun creeps higher in the sky, shortening the shadows, but since I'm coming off a twelve hour shift, we don't plan to stay out too long, so I can get some sleep.

We've missed the fact the clouds have been piling up and turning a sickly green since we left Dauntless. The first unexpected drops are big and slow. They are the kind that you almost feel you can dodge, but it doesn't take long for them to change and start falling faster. Before we can search for refuge, we are in a deluge.

Eli grabs my hand and we race together back to the train tracks. I'm a little nervous about trying to grab onto the train handle in the rain. I'm afraid it will be slick, and I will lose my grip.

"Let me jump first. I've jumped in the rain before, and you haven't. Grab my wrist instead of the handle," Eli commands.

"I've never done that," I inform him.

"Don't worry, I won't let you fall." He's so serious it makes me smile.

"I'm not worried about that," I assure him.

* * *

We jump off at Dauntless together, hoping that no one will see us, but the sudden rainstorm seems to have kept everyone inside. "Get dried off," Eli commands me as he sends me back to my room. "Then get some sleep. I'll see you later."

I nod, slightly chilled from being wet in the cooler underground air of Dauntless.

Eli heads one way towards his apartment, and I head the other way towards mine. I haven't gone too far when I run into Leeann.

"There you are!" Her voice is relieved.

"What's up?" I try not to shiver. Surely she's going to notice how wet I am soon.

"Carly fell and broke her leg. I got nominated by Sultana to let you know. She needs you to work tonight, after all."

I nod. "How bad is she?"

Leeann shrugs and starts walking. I hurry to catch up with her. "I don't know. Nick was going to check on her. If I didn't find you soon, I was going to head to his apartment and see if he's found something out, or let Eli know if Nick isn't there yet." Suddenly Leeann seems to notice I'm soaked. "Where were you anyway? How did you get so wet?"

"I went outside. I thought it would just be a light cooling rain. I just thought I'd…" I trail off unsure as to what excuse to give beyond that.

Leeann starts laughing. "You just thought you'd enjoy the rain?" she supplies for me. "I used to do that when I was a kid."

"Well, I never got to," I defend myself. It's true. Rainy days weren't for standing out and enjoying. They were for searching out people who might need an umbrella or poncho, or for making soup to take to the Factionless.

We're almost to the guys' apartment. I know Eli was ahead of me, but I can't help but wonder if he's had enough time to dry off. What's Leeann going to think if she finds both of us soaked?

She knocks loudly on their door. "Nick?! Eli?!" she yells, and then knocks again.

"Coming!" I hear Eli yell back, and then he opens the door.

All he has on is a towel wrapped around his waist. Nothing else. He looks like I imagine he would when he's just gotten out of the shower, water dripping off his hair, droplets beading on his bare skin.

I can't look at him, but I can't look away either. I suddenly notice everything about him. How broad his shoulders are. How lean and chiseled his torso is. I try looking down at the floor, but as I do that, my eyes skim his legs. I have to stifle a laugh when I notice the very edge of his pant leg showing at the bottom of the towel. He must have had just enough time to pull off his shirt, pull his pants up, and wrap a towel around his waist.

I look up at him again and realize how badly I want to lean in and kiss his bare chest. The thought catches me totally off guard. I've never had a thought like that before, and suddenly I can't stop thinking about what his damp skin would feel like on my lips.

"Is Nick here?" Leeann asks, not noticing my reaction.

"No, at least I don't think so. I just got out of the shower."

Leeann nods. "I figured it was a long shot. Carly broke her leg today. He was going to go check on her, and I wanted to see if he had found anything out."

Eli frowns. "I'll let him know you came by."

Leeann nods, but continues to stand there.

I try to look at Eli's face, but I can't seem to tear my gaze away from his body. I feel my whole body heating up. I finally force myself to look down at the carpet.

"Leeann," Eli's voice is gentle. "I don't know why you have Hana with you, but I think I'd better get dressed before I embarrass her any more.

"She's not…" Leeann's voice trails off as she turns around and looks at me. "Hana?"

I force myself to look at Leeann.

"What's wrong?"

"If I'm covering for Carly tonight, I better get to bed." I answer trying to avoid the question I know is coming.

She looks at me and then at Eli, and back again. "It really is bothering you that he's…"

"I'm not used to it." I mumble in an effort not to yell at her. How did I get in this situation? It's bad enough that Leeann is seeing how uncomfortable I am, but Eli's watching it too. "The last guy I saw without a shirt on was Isaac, my brother, and I was changing his diaper. I know I'm Dauntless now, but Abnegation don't…" I turn around and walk off, totally humiliated.

* * *

Getting dried off and taking a nap did me a world of good before work. I can almost make myself believe that I didn't make such a fool of myself with Leeann, standing outside of Eli's door. Almost. The problem is, I know I did. Why did I follow her there? Why didn't I just go to my room and get some sleep and let her see if she could find out about Carly without me?

I know the answer. I couldn't pass up the chance to see Eli. Although if I had known what he'd be wearing when he opened the door, I might have managed to make myself miss it.

I eat dinner quickly, by myself. I have to be at work to cover for Carly about the same time everyone else will show up. Normally I would mind missing time with my friends. Normally I would hate missing time with Eli. Today, I'm grateful that I don't have to face anyone, especially Eli.

I leave the cafeteria and head straight to the control room. I meet up with Sultana in the hallway.

"Sorry to have to call you in," she apologizes.

"I'm sure Carly didn't break her leg on purpose."

Sultana smiles at me. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure stepping on one of Gus's toys and losing her balance wasn't something she pre-planned."

"Is that what happened?" I ask. "I hadn't heard what happened, except that she broke her leg."

"That's what happened," she confirms. "The problem is," we stop at the door way and Sultana turns around and faces me, "she broke her thigh bone, and it's crooked and twisted. They can't set even it straight right now. They're putting her in traction."

"So, she's going to be out for a while."

Sultana nods. "I'm afraid so. I'm here to meet with Miles and Jeff to work out the new schedules." She suddenly smiles. "Eli! What are you doing here?"

Eli walks past me and gives Sultana a hug. "I came to talk to Hana really quickly. I know she needs to start her shift, but, Leeann accidently did something today, and I want to make sure Hana's alright."

"If that girl ever learns to think first..." Sultana shakes her head. "I'll see you inside, Hana." She slips in through the door.

"I'm sorry," Eli says softly. He's at an odd distance, far enough away to make it look casual but close enough that we can talk without anyone over hearing us.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask, looking at his chin. I can't quite make myself look at his eyes.

"If I had known you were with Leeann, I wouldn't have answered the door that way. It never crossed my mind that you would be with her. I never meant to make you uncomfortable."

I swallow hard and nod. "I know. I'm sorry I reacted like that, it just…" I take a deep breath and force myself to look at him. "I wasn't expecting it, and I certainly wasn't expecting it to affect me the way it did."

For a moment Eli says nothing. I start biting my lip, afraid I should have left the last part out.

"I want to hear more about that, later," he says, with a hint of a smile. "For now, you need to get to work, before Sultana feels the need to look for you."

I give him a small smile, and start toward the door.

"Hana?"

I turn back and look at him.

"Just so you know, you affect me, too."

I smile and walk into work. I head straight for my desk and start setting it up for the night.

Sultana comes to me with my work assignment, instead of me talking to the supervisor, which tonight, should be Jeff. She gives me the assignment and looks at me for a moment. She starts to leave, but seems to change her mind and looks around. Then she pulls up the empty chair belonging to Conner and sits down next to me. "Hana," her voice is soft and low, "I've waited a long time to see that boy actually find someone worthy of him, someone he can love. Don't break his heart."

She stands up and walks away, leaving me with my mouth hanging open.


	53. Chapter 53- Control Room Curse

**Jude- Eli's ex-girlfriend who attacked Hana BEFORE she and Eli started dating**

**Zane- Jude's new boyfriend**

**Jazz and Rais- Members of Eli's initiation class, and Amar's parents; Jazz was of Hana's instructors**

**Bekah and Abilyn- two of Hana's friends**

**Conner and Ben- Bekah's and Abilyn's boyfriends**

**Kelly- another of Hana's friends, she has a crush on Nick**

**Angie- One of Hana's friends**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Rob- Angie's husband**

**Sultana- One of the control room supervisors, she's Rais's mother (and like a second mother to Eli). She has guessed that Hana and Eli are dating.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the last chapter! Bahrfamily and I have enjoyed reading each of them. (and I've enjoyed the PM's they have sparked!)**

**And thank you to Bahrfamily for her normal excellent beta skills and her willingness to reedit this when I realized there were a couple of missing scenes! **

**All I can say is don't kill me when you finish reading this chapter… please! I promise you'll like the way the next chapter ends better!**

**53 Control Room Curse**

"Don't you ever get tired of escorting me places that I am perfectly capable of walking to myself?" I ask Nick as he walks with me from the Control Room to dinner.

Nick smirks. "That's Eli's call. I've mentioned a couple of times that now that Jude's dating Zane it should be okay, but…" Nick shrugs.

I huff over that. I've tried telling Eli that it's not fair to tie up Nick's time, but he won't change his mind.

Nick laughs at me. "It's okay, Hana. I don't mind."

We walk into the cafeteria. The problem is that the Abnegation still in me minds. It seems selfish of me that Eli still asks Nick to do this so that we can have some time together. I'd _much_ rather we were just honest with everyone and let them know we're dating than continue to put out Nick, but Eli won't hear of that idea because of Jude.

"Hana, there's an open seat by Eli. Why don't you take it up with him? I'll go sit over there." He points to the empty seat by Tori. It's funny… if I didn't know better, I'd say he was laughing at me about something. He has the same tone to his voice that Eli gets when he's trying not to laugh out loud.

Jude and Zane have developed a habit of sitting just on the fringe of our group. If you are on the outside looking in, it looks like they are sitting with us. But if you are part of our group, it's easy to see they sit near us, not _with_ us. No one intentionally includes them in our conversations. Every once in a while, one of them, mainly Jude, will try to interject something into our conversation. Usually we ignore her.

When Zane tries to add something, one of us might respond to it, but we try not to encourage either of them. Tonight, when Jude stops by Eli on her way to her chair, I happen to be sitting next to him because of Nick's direction to that seat.

I try very hard not to react when she puts her hand on his shoulder, but I'm sure Eli notices me tense up, ready for a fight.

"Guess what?" Her voice is bright and bubbly.

No one guesses anything, and she just stands there.

I wait a long moment before I respond. Hopefully if I just say something, she'll move on. "What?"

She smiles gratefully at me. "Zane asked me to marry him!" Jude holds out her left hand for everyone to see her ring. It's intricate, with cut-outs in the shape of interlocking hearts down the black metal sides. The stone in the middle isn't round like most women's, but has been shaped like a heart.

Eli is the first to respond. "Congratulations!"

He looks at her, not at me, as he says that.

Before anyone else can respond Jazz's voice rings out. "Amar! You get back here this instant!" She jumps up from her seat and takes off after her running toddler. He's fast, and nimble. He darts in and out of people's legs faster than I expected him to be able to.

It's another reminder that I'm not in Abnegation. If I were in Abnegation, someone would have already grabbed him by now and held onto him so Jazz could catch her son.

Instead, Rais chuckles. "He's gotten this bad habit: when he's bored, it's time to play chase. Jazz has informed me that until he stop this, there is no way he's ever getting a baby brother or sister to join him!"

We laugh and look to see where they are at. Amar is almost to the door.

The rest of Dauntless eggs him on, encouraging him to be braver, run faster. Jazz still hasn't caught him. Rais stands up. "I better help, or I'm going to be sleeping on the couch tonight!"

* * *

Working out after dinner tonight was Nick's idea. The funny thing is, he's still not here. In fact, right now, Jazz and Amar are the only ones in here with Eli and me. We each have our own punching bag. Mine is the one in the corner. Eli is on my right, and Jazz is on my left.

Amar is now almost two. He stands on Jazz's other side, his stance mimicking his mother's, both of his feet planted solidly. She even wrapped his fingers with tape before she made him put on his padded gloves. He looks so cute standing there.

Jazz looks over at him and smiles fondly. Then she turns to her bag and swings at it, hard enough that it swings from side to side.

Amar's sunny laugh echoes in the room. Suddenly, his brow furrows in concentration as he jabs out his hand. I hear the faint sound of the glove smacking the bag and, to my surprise, when I look, his bag moves about as much as mine usually does. "Show off," I mutter.

Jazz looks over at me and smiles. "If you would practice as much as he does…"

I laugh.

Not wanting to get shown up by a two year old, I nervously get ready to take my first swing. I was starting to show improvement when Nick and Jazz were working with me so I could protect myself from Jude, but after Eli broke up with her, I haven't kept up on my fighting like I should have. When I take my first swing, I hit the bag enough that it moves, and it stings my hand. I shake my fist out from the punching bag. I feel someone watching me. I look over at Jazz, but it's not her. She's kneeling by Amar, helping him with his form. No one else is here yet, so it must be Eli. The most natural place for me to touch my palm would be my forehead, but I've already done that. I use my left sleeve to wipe the sweat off my forehead while I think.

Something brushes up against the right side of my neck. Without thinking, I slap at it with my right hand. There's nothing there. I look at where Eli was, to see if he noticed, but he's not there. I look around and he's now behind me. It dawns on me that he touched something to the side of my neck. He did that, intentionally, hoping that I would do exactly what I did.

His eyes hold mine. There is a look in them, a hunger, that makes my stomach clench.

Suddenly, just like at dinner tonight, Amar giggles and takes off running, right out the open door.

Jazz jumps to her feet. "I wish he'd quit doing that!" She runs after him. "Amar!" She yells after him. "Amar, get back here!"

Suddenly, we are the only ones here, but we both know that will quickly change. Jazz will catch Amar and bring him back. Tori will be off soon and she is planning to come join us after that. Bekah was thinking about coming too, since Conner is on his twelve-hour shift right now. Nick should be here, since he planned it, and when he comes, Kelly will show up, over-dressed for sparring. Abilyn has a date with Ben, and Chaz, Leeann, Angie and Rob, wouldn't commit. Newlyweds!

Eli grabs my hand and pulls me deeper into the corner, so that we can't be seen from the door. He positions us just behind my punching bag. His kisses leading up to the new spot are quick. He doesn't want to get caught, but he doesn't want to wait, either. When he gets to my neck, it's not like any of the other kisses he's given me. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him in closer. His lips pull at my skin, just a little, and it's not just one kiss, it's a whole line of kisses that start by my ear and trail down my neck to my shoulder.

"Eli…" I whisper his name, but it doesn't sound like my voice.

His response surprises me. "I love you," he whispers in my ear.

I jerk back just a little, so I can see into his eyes. We've told each other that we are growing in love with the other person, but he left this part out. He's just told me he is completely there. That he loves me. For a moment I am speechless, trying to figure out the best way to respond. I've had the thought before that I've grown in love with him to the point that I know I do love him, but…

Before I can respond, we hear someone walk in the doorway. Automatically, we pull apart and Eli punches the bag as hard as he can. "See," he says in a voice just loud enough to carry, like he's been giving me instructions. "When you put your weight behind it and step into it," he punches it again, "you have more power." He steps away from the bag and pauses behind me. "You try." His voice drops so that whoever just walked in can't hear him. "And when you put your frustrations behind it..."

I smile and do what he just suggested. The bag waves back and forth.

"Hana! Hana! Are you here?" Bekah's voice rings out.

I step out from behind the bag.

When she sees me she squeals. "He asked me!"

"Who asked you what?"

Bekah throws her arms around me. "I went and saw Conner, and even though he was at work, he asked me!"

I must look as puzzled as I feel.

She lets go of me and holds out her left hand. "Will you stand up with me?"

Suddenly I realize what Conner asked her: Bekah and Conner are getting married. I force a smile and hug Bekah back. "Of course!"

I blink hard to keep back the tears forming in my eyes. I'm happy for Bekah, really I am, but she and Conner haven't been dating nearly as long as Eli and I have.

I avoid looking at Eli. Bekah's engaged now, and still, no one knows I'm dating him.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Natalie asks me when I walk up and stand next to her at the railing to the Chasm.

I nod. "Why?"

"You look a little down about something. It's not like you."

I take a deep breath. "Bekah's getting married. She and Conner haven't even been dating a year, and…" My voice trails off.

"And if I had to guess, I would say that you've been seeing Eli longer. You're jealous."

"I'm trying not to be."

"Hana, have you told Eli this?"

My laugh is short, and I have to close my eyes again against the rapidly forming tears. "I can't even get Eli to agree to tell everyone we're dating. I'm not about to go further than that."

Natalie brushes away the stray tear that escapes from my cheek. "Talk to him."

"I've tried. It all comes back to Jude."

"Hana…" She stops, unsure of what to say.

"What do you need? I've got to get to Tori's place; we're playing cards tonight." It's the truth, and the quickest way I can think of to change the subject.

"When we shake hands, I'm going to give you a drive. I know you're working a lot right now. You'll probably get Erudite more than your fair share, but… record every interaction you catch of Norton and Jeanine together."

I nod.

"The code you'll need is on the paper wrapped around the drive. For now, just leave it in my old room every Friday. There will be a new one waiting for you." She looks at me long and hard for a minute. "You and Eli will work this out."

I nod and hold out my hand for her to shake. "Thanks."

* * *

Although Tori's apartment is always immaculate, her sketches for tattoos cover every empty flat space. It's as though she was waiting her whole life for permission to draw. I pick one up and admire it. It's just letters, but the way she draws them, each letter looks like its own flame. I couldn't do something like that in a million years, even if I tried. Not that I plan to try.

"I didn't think about needing a place to put the cards!" Tori laughs as she starts picking up papers off the kitchen table. "I don't know where I thought we were going to play!"

Out of habit, I start picking them up from the same table, helping her clear it for our game. Eli catches my eye and he mouths "Stiff" to me.

I roll my eyes. I want so badly to shake my fist at him and put his kiss in a new place I've been thinking of _a lot_ lately, especially since his declaration the other day, but… I have no reason to make a fist at him. At least no reason anyone else knows. So I just leave it at an eye roll.

I feel eyes on me and notice that Nick is watching me help Tori move and straighten things up. I hope he didn't see the exchange between Eli and me. I look at him, smile my Abnegation smile, and shrug. "Old habits."

Nick grins, and then looks away.

Tori takes the sketches out of my hands. "Thanks." She brushes a lock of straight black hair out of her eyes. She sets them all down on coffee table in her living room.

"Um, Tori," Leeann grins at her, "I thought we were playing a tournament tonight. You know multiple tables?"

Tori groans and picks the pile back up. "You're right, you're right. I don't know where my mind is."

"I'm sure it's _not_ with that guy I saw you having lunch with yesterday," Angie teases her.

Tori blushes and doesn't answer Angie.

I keep helping her pick up the sketches off the second table. "Where do you want these?" I hold up the stack that I have.

"Let's put them in the tattoo parlor." Tori motions for me to follow her. We head back to her kitchen, and she shows me the door to the tattoo parlor.

"That's convenient," I observe as we head in.

Tori laughs. "Too convenient! Bud will come and get me if he gets too busy and I'm home."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"I didn't either, when I took the apartment." She takes the papers from me, and we head back into her apartment.

"We've already picked partners," Nick informs us as we walk in.

"Okay, who am I with?" Tori asks.

"You're with me. Hana's stuck with Eli." There's a twinkle in Nick's eye. I wonder what that's about.

* * *

Eli leaves with the rest of them. I stay behind with Tori to help her clean up. I know it's more than a little Abnegation of me to stay and help, but it works well. No one questions me staying to help, and I'll be able to meet up with Eli after I'm finished, without anyone noticing.

Tori and I clean up quickly. A few short conversations pass between us as we wash the plates and glasses from our snacks.

"All I have left to do is grab my drawings. Thanks for your help." Tori smiles at me. "It's nice to have someone stick around and clean up."

"No problem. See you at breakfast."

Tori nods and I head out.

I head to the net. We had decided that would be the easiest place to meet after the game. He's sitting on the net, waiting for me. When I get there, he jumps off and hugs me. It feels so good to get my arms around him after sitting so close to each other all evening without touching.

Eli kisses me without letting go. When he gets to my neck again, a moan escapes from my lips. "Eli…"

"I meant what I said." He pulls back just a little from me. "I love you," he whispers.

"Eli, I..."

He puts a finger over my lips. "Don't say anything yet. I don't want you to feel like you have to say it back just because I said it. I don't want you to say it until you know you're ready."

I nod.

"I'll only know you mean it, if you don't say it right after me."

I nod again.

He moves his finger.

"Eli, Jude's getting married."

This time, he nods.

"I love you, and I think it's time we admit we're dating to everyone else." I hold my breath waiting for his response.

Eli says nothing. He just looks at me.

I wait for him to say something, but he just stands there. "Eli?" I finally whisper his name.

"You love me?" His voice is as unsure as a young child's.

I smile at him. "I love you, a lot."

"And Jude, and everyone else knowing, are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yes." Then it dawns on me, maybe he's still not. Maybe Jude has just been an excuse this whole time. "Are you?" I question back.

Eli leans forward and touches his lips to my cheek again. "I've been ready to let everyone know we're together for a while now, and if Jude's marrying Zane, I think you're right. It's time to tell everyone."

I sigh with relief. I stand on tip toe and press a kiss to his jaw, since that's as far up as I can reach. "How do we do it?"

He moves away from me and links my hand in his. He pulls me to the net. He lets go of my hand, then wraps both hands around my waist to lift me up so I can sit on it. Then he pulls himself up and flips himself over.

We sit side by side, with my head on his shoulder.

"How to do it…?" He kisses the top of my head. "I'll have to think about that."

I yawn.

"You're working an awful lot these days."

I nod and try to stifle the next yawn.

"You're not going to be awake for long, are you?"

"I'll stay awake for time with you."

"So what's going on in the control room that has you working all these hours?

"Besides Sue having her baby? A couple of injuries." I shrug. "The control room is turning into a dangerous place to work."

* * *

My nerves are just starting when I get to work. As soon as I'm off, I'm supposed to meet the group in the Pit to go to the fights. Last night, it took Eli and I a little time to work out how we are going to tell everyone. He was all in favor of kissing me, just to see everyone's reaction.

My first suggestion was just for us to walk side by side and hold hands to see if anyone would notice.

We compromised somewhere in the middle. A hug. However, knowing Eli, I'm fully prepared for him to kiss my cheek. I can just see him doing that.

However, when I get to work, I discover exactly how accurate my statement last night was. Sultana gives me a weary look. "I hope you didn't have anything planned after work today, because if you did, you're going to have to cancel it. We're in full crisis-mode here."

"What's happened?"

"Shawn ruptured his spleen. He's in surgery right now. We're all going to have to work at least 16 hours on, 8 off, for at least the next week, maybe longer," Sultana informs me. "We're just out of man power. No days off or shorter shifts."

I nod. "Can I have 15 minutes at the end of this shift, to let everyone know?"

"Are they expecting you?"

I nod.

"I can give you 15, but no more." She lays a hand on my arm. "Will Eli be there?" Her voice is almost too soft to hear.

I never confirmed that what she hinted about Eli was true, but now I nod.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

"There you are!" Eli is the one who sees me first. "We were about to give up on you." I can hear the nervous edge to his voice.

I know we had planned to tell everyone tonight that we are dating, but I just don't see how that is going to work now. My new work schedule has taken out all the excitement from telling everyone. If we tell them now, I will literally disappear after dropping that on them. He must see something in my face, because his smile quickly disappears. "What's wrong?"

I wish I could give him this news in private, that I didn't have to tell him what is going on with everyone around. I wish that I could hold him close and tell him it's just for a little while, but I can't. Everyone is here, and I wasn't given the time.

"The control room curse hits again," I inform everyone. "I'm here to let you know that I don't know when I'll see any of you again. Shawn ruptured his spleen today. We're all going to be working at least 16 hours a day until someone gets back." I'm glad that Bekah is at the infirmary tonight. I'll let Conner tell her instead of her hearing it from me.

Eli looks like he's about to say something. This is not the time and place to give everyone our news. Telling them we're dating and then me running off just doesn't seem right. I give my head a little shake and he nods.

"I've got to go." I swallow, tearing my eyes away from Eli and looking at Leeann. "I promised Sultana I'd make it quick." I take a couple of backward steps, and then turn around and head away from Eli back to the control room.


	54. Chapter 54- Extra Shifts

**Sue, Dan, Shawn, Jan, Bob- (Mentioned) coworkers of Hana's in the control room.**

**Carly- (Mentioned) friend and coworker of Hana's**

**Jude- Eli's crazy ex-girlfriend, now engaged to Zane**

**Angie- friend and former roommate of Hana's, works in the Dauntless kitchen**

**Abilyn- (Mentioned) former Candor, roommate of Hana's**

**Bekah and Kelly- (Mentioned) roommates of Hana's**

**This chapter has been a long time in coming. (Like it was written in December or January!) I hope you enjoy reading it! If you have a chance leave me a review. I'd love to know what you think of this one!**

**Thank you Bahrfamily for your help with this and every chapter! And for agreeing to our little something extra at the end…**

**54 Extra Shifts**

I prop my hands up on my chin and watch the screen. When Sue went out on maternity leave, we knew there would be extra shifts. When Dan had to have his appendix out and it got infected, we knew that there would be no days off for a while. But when Jan got put on bed rest, Carly broke her leg and was put in traction, Shawn ruptured his spleen, and Bob threw out his back… we knew we'd never see anyone outside of the control room for a long time.

At the end of the first week, I realize the only thing I've had to look forward to is trading out drives for Natalie today.

And I don't even expect to see her.

I open the door and close it. For a moment I just stand there, trying to process what I'm seeing.

"Hana!" It's Natalie. She's lying on her back, on the bed, with her head hanging off the edge.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd check on you. I know you worked 20 hours today, so I won't keep you long, but I wanted to see how you're doing." She flips over onto her stomach. "How are you doing?"

I walk over to the bed. "I'm tired." I flop down on the bed next to her.

Natalie laughs. "Okay, I guess I asked a pretty obvious question." Then suddenly she becomes serious. "How are things with Eli?"

I groan. "I finally got him to agree that since Jude is engaged, we could tell people we are dating."

Natalie gives me a puzzled look. "That should make you happy."

"It would have… if we hadn't decided it the night before the control room went critical." I feel a tear slip down my face. "We never got a chance to tell them."

"Oh, Hana…"

I wipe it away. "I've got to get home and get to bed. I'm back at work in…" I stand up and check my watch, "Seven hours."

"Get some sleep," Natalie urges me. "Just remember, this won't go on forever, and then you and Eli can tell everyone."

"As long has he doesn't change his mind!"

* * *

It's now the end of the second week of this non-stop work. Working an average of eighteen out of every twenty-four hours has gotten old. I am _so_ ready for a day off. Actually, right now, I'd be happy with two hours off.

The only good thing that has happened is also a bad thing. My shifts have become so erratic that Eli and Nick don't walk me around Dauntless any more. It's good, because Nick no longer has to waste his time walking me places I'm perfectly capable of walking to all by myself. It's bad, because I no longer get to see Eli. Right now I'd be willing to inconvenience Nick for a chance to see Eli. Even if I couldn't hold his hand, or hug him, or kiss him.

Today is a rare day where I don't have Erudite. Instead, I watch Dauntless and the cameras in the Factionless sector that come with it. Hours of watching my friends live real lives while I watch, stuck in here, alone. Joy.

All I can hope for today is a glimpse of my friends as the cameras flip through their rotation. At least I'll know they're alive.

I'm two hours into my shift, when it happens. I see Eli on the screen. It's all I can do not to pull the camera from rotation and just watch him. My eyes fill with tears. I miss him. If only we had told everyone we were dating _before _all this madness started. We were so close. If we had made the decision just a day earlier, even, we would have had time to tell everyone. Maybe then I could invite him to come eat a sandwich with me while I work, the way Bekah does every couple of days with Conner.

As it is, I'm pretty sure it's not going to matter if the next time I see Eli is at the garden, where it is private, or in the cafeteria at dinner time when it is the most crowded. The first thing I'm going to do when I see him is pull him close and hold him for a very long time.

The screen flicks to the next camera. There are almost 400 cameras on this loop. At five seconds per camera, that's somewhere between twenty and thirty minutes before I'll see him again, if he hasn't moved in the meantime. I stifle a groan. This is impossible.

Watching the screens while I wait for the feed to loop back around is agonizing. Amazingly, almost half an hour later, he shows up again. However, this time, Jude is on the screen with him. His back is against the wall and she is pressed against him. My heart stops. The feed continues to the next camera. My fingers fly to take me back to that camera. I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I _have_ to know what is going on, and in half an hour, it will be over.

By the time I can give the computer the commands, whatever was happening is over. Jude now stands alone in the hallway, her hands balled into fists. I check the three cameras on either side of the one I was watching, but there is no Eli.

"Chow time!" Angie brings in our boxed meals. I take one the one she hands me and tell her thanks, but I'm really not sure I can eat it.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

I nod. "I'm fine," I lie, thankful it is Angie and not Abilyn who works in the kitchen. Abilyn would call me out on the lie immediately. My stomach is churning. Eli and Jude. This can't be happening. There has to be an explanation for what I saw.

Yeah, there's an explanation for it. It doesn't matter that she's engaged to someone else. I'm stuck here in the control room, alone, and he's wondering if he made a mistake, leaving her for me.

* * *

The days have started to blur together. I feel like I live in the control room. I haven't done anything outside of it for three weeks now except shower and sleep. They have to figure out what to do about this labor shortage in the control room. I haven't seen Leeann in a week. Bekah says Leeann has seen me twice this week, but I was asleep both times, and Eli… I'm not even sure when the last time I saw Eli was, except for that day I saw him and Jude on the screens in the control room.

Dan came back today- part time, but he is back, and tomorrow Carly comes back part-time, too. I have two extra hours off today. I figure I'll try to eat like a normal person in the cafeteria at a table instead of in the control room, hunched over a computer. I scan the small late breakfast/ early lunch crowd. I don't expect to see any of my close friends, but I do hope to see someone I know to sit with. At first the only person I see that I know is Jude. As soon as I see her, I decide to quit looking and sit by myself on the other side of the cafeteria. Then I see who is sitting with her. I bite my lip, and my heart stops for a second.

Eli.

If I had to guess, I would say I haven't seen Eli in person for almost three weeks now. My heart squeezes. After seeing him on the screens, with Jude, I _really_ didn't want to see them sitting together. The thought bounces in my head again. Has he been seeing Jude in my absence? There is a knot in my throat. I think about pretending I didn't see them, but Eli sees me right about then and waves me over. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat and go join them.

"Hey, stranger." Eli smiles at me when I sit down next to him. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

I sit down and look at my plate. This isn't the reunion I had been hoping for. There's no way I'm going to hug him with _her_ sitting there. "I haven't seen anyone in a long time." I try to make it look like the tear I'm rubbing out is really sleep.

Jude looks across the table at me. "Control room getting to you?" She asks with an almost-sincere voice. She's trying, because Eli's here.

"Pulling sixteen to twenty hour shifts without a day off for the last…" my brow furrows as my worn-out brain tries to remember how long it has been.

"Three weeks," Eli supplies for me.

He knows. "That sounds about right," I stifle a yawn and repeat myself. "Working sixteen to twenty hour days without a day off for the last three weeks is starting to get to me." I cut my chicken. "I love the control room. I just wish everyone would get healthy and stay healthy!" I put my bite in my mouth.

Jude returns to doing what she does best: ignoring me and claiming Eli's attention for herself. Wearily, I keep eating, not bothering to keep track of their conversation. I steal a glance at him just in time to see him laugh at something Jude says. My stomach turns. I see the scene of them pressed together in that hallway replaying in my mind. I haven't eaten much, but suddenly I'm not hungry any more. I push back my chair and stand up.

"Hana?" Eli's concerned voice cuts through the fog of sleepiness and confused emotions.

"I'm exhausted." I pick up my tray. "I'll see you guys later."

Eli checks his watch, and then picks up his tray too. "I'm going to be late. I'll catch you later, Jude."

He walks with me to put up our trays. When we are out of range for Jude to hear him, he speaks to me. "I need to talk to you." His voice is soft.

I nod.

"But not right now. I think you need some sleep, and I _really_ do need to get back to work." He pauses for a second. "Will you be around for dinner?"

I nod slowly.

"Can you meet me at the garden, about half an hour before everyone normally gets here?" He glances at me. "Will that give you enough time to get some sleep?"

I nod, hoping the tears I feel in my eyes don't show.

"I'll see you then." He puts down his tray and walks off.

I put down my tray and walk back to my room, my stomach churning the whole time. He wants to talk to me. He's been spending time with Jude while I've been working this impossible schedule. Is the fact that he wants to talk to me a good thing, or a bad thing?

* * *

When I get back to the apartment Bekah and I still share with Abilyn and Kelly, it takes me a little while to fall asleep despite my exhaustion; my thoughts keep churning, keeping me from sleep. Before Eli and I started secretly dating, he and Jude were together. For some unfathomable reason, he has a weak spot for her. Has she used my absence to move in on him? It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she dumped Zane for Eli. Does he want to talk to me to break up with me and get back with her?

When I do fall asleep my dream is a nightmare filled with Eli and Jude. It proves this is what I'm worried about. I see them kiss. I hear him tell me I'm just Leeann's friend. I watch them get married.

After that dream, I am wide awake. Although I'm still tired, there is no way I can go back to sleep. It's almost an hour before I'm supposed to meet Eli, but falling back asleep seems impossible at the moment. I decide to get a quick shower, dress, and head on up to the top of the Pire. I can wait for him in our spot. If he's going to break up with me, I want to spend some time there now, to enjoy it while I can. If he _does_ break up with me, I won't ever be able to handle going back there again.

* * *

I take the elevator to the top floor of the Pire, and then find the staircase Eli showed me, the one that leads to the roof. I know I could have stayed on the elevator all the way up, but the elevator opens out to the plain roof of the Pire. The stairs open to our garden. I prefer that view.

When I open the door, I'm surprised to see Eli has beaten me here, despite the fact I'm over half an hour early. He's pacing back and forth, so even his smile when he sees me doesn't quite put me at ease. Normally Eli sits on the black bench if he gets here first. He says it is peaceful. The fact that he is pacing restlessly doesn't help my nerves.

"Hana!" His eyes light up when he says my name. That quiets the fear for just a moment.

"Hi." My voice is soft, shy, like when we first started getting to know each other.

"Let's sit down," Eli points to the bench.

I nod and cross the roof to the bench. We sit down together, but he doesn't touch me. There is no hug, no kiss. He doesn't even take my hand. My heart drops. I look at my hands, at my feet, at the plants- anywhere but at him. I don't want him to see how scared I am that he is about to leave me. I must be brave.

"Hana?"

"Yes?" I feel his fingers lift up my chin so I have to look at him. As always, I could get lost in those dark brown eyes of his. I could just watch the light play off the specks of gold in them.

"I promised you once that I would tell you the story of this garden." He clears his throat. "I think today is the perfect time to tell you the legend, then I'll tell you the new part of the story I found out recently."

I close my eyes, willing the tears to be absorbed back into me. He's going to dump me. He's telling me the story now, only because he promised me he would tell me the story.

I want to tell him to forget it, and jump up and leave. It must show.

"What's wrong?" Eli asks suddenly.

"Nothing," I lie and sit up straighter. "Tell me the story."

"The legend I've always heard was about a Dauntless-born man who fell in love with a transfer from Amity. He built it as a place for her to escape to, when she missed the plants of Amity."

I smile without thinking. "That was sweet of him."

Eli holds my gaze. "I always thought it was a fairy tale of sorts."

"Why?"

"Faction before blood," Eli answers quickly and shrugs. "I always figured that it was just made up by someone to explain the garden, but…"

His voice trails off.

"But what?"

Eli looks at me and laughs. "Last week I found out that Nick is more observant than I give him credit for. He seems to have put together that my recent spell of bad moods has something to do with your non-stop work schedule."

I feel a blush color my cheeks and hope starts to bloom. Maybe he isn't going to break up with me...

"Evidently, there is a letter from our Great-Great-Grandpa Gregor which is passed on to anyone in our family who dates a transfer. Since his parents were married after mine, he has the letter."

"Ok…" I don't want him to stop; I just want him to know I'm listening.

"This letter is supposed to be shown to anyone in the family who is serious about a transfer. Evidently Great-Great- Grandpa Gregor didn't actually trust transfers. He never considered anyone Dauntless whose parents _and_ grandparents weren't also Dauntless.

"And then he met Vi- short for Violet, her real name."

"Violet doesn't sound very Dauntless," I manage to say.

"She came from Amity."

I nod. That makes more sense. "I can see why she changed it to Vi."

Eli smiles at me. "Anyway, it turns out that Vi not only changed her name, but she also changed his mind, completely." Eli pauses in his narrative for a minute. He looks out at the skyline.

I try hard not to fidget as I patiently wait for him to continue.

"The letter tells us to always remember that part of the reason we fell in love with the person who transferred is because of the pieces of their old faction that are left in them. That we need to embrace both who their faction of birth made them _and_ who they become in Dauntless."

My stomach begins to relax. He wouldn't tell me that if he was going to break up with me, would he?

"As it turns out, he was the one to build the garden up here. He built it for my Great-Great-Grandma Vi."

"Hana." I look at him. Our gazes lock on each other. "I love you. Not just for who you became when you transferred to Dauntless, but for the Abnegation parts that are still inside of you." I blink rapidly to keep the tears from falling.

Eli shifts off the seat, so he is no longer sitting beside me, but kneeling in front of me. "Hana, I know this might be rushing you, and I'm willing to wait, but I'd like to know, if… if…" It surprises me to hear his normally sure voice falter. "Hana, will you marry me?"

I pull my eyes off his and look at his hand. Pinched between his fingers is the most unusual ring I've ever seen. The band is black with diamond shaped facets cut into them. The facets seem to glow in the light. Then suddenly his fingers tip the ring, just a little, and they change from black to the blackest shade of gray I've ever seen.

My eyes fly to his. The answering look he gives me tells me he knew it would do that, that he was trying to do what his great-great grandfather suggested, and keep a little Abnegation for me.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek.

"Hana…?" His voice is more unsure than I've ever heard it. "Nuptials Day is about two months away. We can get married then, or if you want to try dating publicly, I can hold onto this until after that, and we can get married next year."

I shake my head.

"Hana," his voice is panicked, "you have to give me more of an answer than shaking your head."

I can't speak. Wordlessly I hold my left hand out, and while he holds the ring still, I guide my finger into it.

Suddenly Eli whoops and stands me up. He gathers me in his arms; my arms wrap around his neck, and he twirls me around the edge of our- Vi's, garden. "Really?" he asks.

I smile. "Really." He starts to put me down.

When our noses just about touch, he tips his head and kisses me on the lips, and to my surprise, I find myself kissing him back. At first, our kisses are soft and gentle; they linger for just a moment.

I feel something unleash inside of me, and those little kisses are not enough. He seems to feel it, too. Our lips meet more urgently, longer. I remember my mom's warnings about kissing a boy always leading to wanting more, and I finally truly understand it.

Suddenly, before I want him to, Eli puts me on the ground and steps back a little ways. "I always knew kissing you would be dangerous." He looks at me for a moment, and I see something new in his eyes. It's not just the love I've gotten used to seeing in there. There is something more, and I know the answering look is in my eyes.

It's a look that says a few kisses aren't enough.

He takes my hand and runs his thumb up and down my palm as we start to walk to the stairway door. "It's going to be a long two months."

**You can thank MissLoey for this deal I'm going to offer you… about a month ago in a PM after a review she asked me if I had ever thought of writing anything in Eli's Point of View. I told her that Dauntless Gray is one POV, Hana's. But… there was one scene written from Eli's point of view. I wrote it when I was trying to reconcile this chapter and an upcoming one. It's not a full chapter, less than 8,000 characters. I told MissLoey then that when the story caught up to the scene I would send it to her in a PM. **

**The scene that I wrote from Eli's POV is when Nick gives him the letter from Great-Great-Grandpa Gregor. If you have Fanfiction account and would like to read that scene, review this chapter. I'll send it to you in a PM. **

**If you log in as a Guest, sorry, I'm not sure how to get it to you then. But it's really easy to get an account and then I can send it to you!**


	55. Chapter 55- Reveal

**Jude- Eli's insane ex-girlfriend**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Bekah, Abilyn- roommates and friends of Hana's**

**Jazz and Rais- Amar's parents. They were in Eli's initiation group. Jazz was one of Hana's initiation instructors.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you! For all the reviews for the last chapter! You all are wonderful! You have no idea how much I enjoyed finding out what you thought of their engagement.**

**Kylalovesbabe- I missed responding to you last time. Sorry, things were a little crazy when it was published. Hana and Eli will eventually get out of the "honeymoon phase", but right now they're dating so... we know they will be parents one day and when you are parents... the honeymoon phase drifts away... Tori and Nick? We're pretty sure from the Divergent series that Tori is single so... no Tori and Nick.**

**And Bahrfamily... thank you so much for covering for me and sending out Eli's POV when the last chapter coincided with me being computerless! You do so much more than a Beta needs to (including correcting my notes even when I don't remember to ask you too)... thank you for sticking with me!**

**Now, for everyone else...**

**I have good news and bad news for you. **

**When I started Dauntless Gray, Milner made the comment to me in a PM that these stories always grow to be longer than you think they will be. **

**Was she ever right! When I started this project, I saw Dauntless Gray as about 20-25 chapters, ending when Hana got married.**

**I approached Bahrfamily about Betaing for me. She talked me into ending it at a different point. I thought 40-45 chapters then. Longer, but still manageable. **

**We're currently as chapter 55, and if you haven't noticed it yet… Hana's still not married.**

**About two months ago I went through and estimated how many chapters (including those already written) remained to finish the book. I was surprised when I realized that there would be over 100 chapters, **_**well**_** over 100 chapters total by the time I finished. **

**I took a totally unscientific poll of a small number of people who had reviewed the story and found out that the idea of two books of about 60 chapters each was preferred to one long book over 120 chapters…**

**So here's the bad news. Dauntless Gray is winding down. I have it planned out that by chapter 64, my original intent of this book will be accomplished and you will be reading about Hana getting ready for her wedding.**

**The good news (at least I hope you will see it as good news) is that the day I post the last chapter of Dauntless Gray, I will also post the first chapter of "The Blackest Shade of Gray", which will start with Hana's wedding. In "The Blackest Shade of Gray", you will see Hana and Eli's wedding along with Hana's pregnancy and the birth of Zeke, George's rescue from Dauntless, Hana's pregnancy and the birth of Uriah, and much MUCH more (I can't give away all of the story!) So stay tuned, there is more to come, and yes, the epilogue of Uriah's Choosing Ceremony will still take place. It will just be at the end of "The Blackest Shade of Gray".**

**Thank you all for reading, following, favoriting, reviewing, whatever it is you have chosen to do with Dauntless Gray. I hope you stick around for The Blackest Shade of Gray too.**

**Sorry for the long note, but I wanted to let you know what was happening.**

**Now back to Dauntless Gray…**

**55 Reveal**

It is an odd feeling to me, holding Eli's hand while other people are around. There aren't many people on the elevator, and none of them are people I know, so it's a good place to get used to it. At one point I consider pulling my hand out of Eli's, but as if he can read my mind, his hold on my hand tightens at that moment, to make sure that I don't.

I realize, without discussing it, that he's right. In Abnegation, it would be selfish for me to hold his hand and show that we are together when there are people who have no one's hand to hold. We, however, are Dauntless, and for me, it is brave to show that we belong together, that we love each other.

Out of the elevator, we walk along the rough cut hallways to the cafeteria where everyone else will be eating. After the past month, they don't expect me to be there. They also still don't know Eli and I are dating, let alone engaged.

A small knot forms in my stomach. I take a deep breath to calm down as we get close to the cafeteria.

Eli notices and his hand tugs me to a stop. "Are you are okay?" he asks.

I smile. "A little nervous about how our friends are going to react."

"All of them?" He arches his eyebrow at me.

I think about that for a second, and then nod. "Well, mainly Leeann, but if Jude is around…"

He leans down and drops a quick kiss to the top of my head. "Leeann will be ecstatic, and mad, since we didn't tell her." He shrugs. "Everyone else will be surprised, but happy."

I raise my eyebrows at him as a sign that I don't believe what he just said. Then I elaborate on that in one word. "Jude?"

He gives a quick laugh. "I don't consider Jude as one of our friends, but she's engaged to Zane now, so… even though she still tries to sit with us, I don't think it will be an issue." He uses his lip to play with the ring in it while he debates whether to continue. "Although she did hint around that if I changed my mind..." he finally admits.

I nod. "I saw the two of you on the cameras once, and then you were sitting with her today. I was…" I swallow hard. "I was actually afraid you wanted to meet me at the garden to break up with me."

Eli pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. "Never," he whispers into my hair. "That will _never_ happen."

I wrap my arms around him and hold him. My ear presses against his chest, listening to the steady cadence of his heart. We stand there for a moment, while people walk past us into the cafeteria. It dawns on me that no one says anything about it. We're just like any other Dauntless couple hugging. To the people passing us, there is nothing unusual about that.

I feel a rumble of laughter in Eli's chest.

"What?" I pull away just enough that I can see his face.

"The one I'm looking forward to is Nick."

"Well, you've already told me he suspects something."

Eli pulls away and takes my hand again. "He does, but being Nick, he probably won't come right out and ask, at least not at first. This could be fun." He looks down at me, and for a second I think he's going to kiss me again, but instead he simply asks, "Ready?"

I take a deep breath, smile, and nod.

Still holding my hand, he leads me into the cafeteria.

"Hana!" Leeann squeals from across the room. "You're here!" She jumps up from her seat and runs straight to us.

As soon as I see her moving, I disengage my hand from Eli's, ready to return her hug.

"I've missed you!" she announces to me as she throws her arms around me.

"I've missed you too." I return her hug.

My eyes stray over to the table where our friends sit. Jude is there, on the fringe, and already glaring at me. There is poison in her stare. I have to wonder if it is just because I walked in with Eli, or if she, of all people, noticed we were holding hands. Either way, since she is here, this could be a rough conversation.

Leeann lets go of me and positions herself between Eli and me. Either she didn't notice our joined hands, or she's trying to punish us for not telling her. My guess that is that she didn't notice. I'm pretty sure that if Leeann worked in the control room instead of me, she would never have noticed Natalie and all her activities. Leeann slings one arm around my shoulder and her other around Eli's waist. "This is _so_ much better."

From the corner of my eye, I look over her head at Eli. I have to stifle a laugh when he shakes his head at me.

When we get to the tables, it is too narrow for us to walk three abreast. Eli, bless his heart, figures out a way to make it so I am between the two of them. His hand presses against the small of my back. I can feel my face trying to heat up. He's always been so careful not to touch me when anyone else is around that this new experience is both exciting and scary.

Nick smirks at his cousin from the other side of the table. "You seem to be in a better mood."

Eli sits down across from Tori, so I end up in the vacant seat between Eli and Leeann and straight across from Nick. "Much," is Eli's entire response.

Nick watches me sit down, and then looks from Eli to me and back again. He nods. "Glad to hear it." He keeps his gaze on Eli like he's expecting him to add more to it.

Eli just starts filling his plate.

Nick shakes his head. "Eli." Nick draws the name out.

Eli chuckles and puts a pork chop from the serving plate on my plate. He's done that before. Not just for me, but for Leeann, Nick, Tori, Chaz… really, anyone he knows who is seated next to him with an empty plate, but there is something about the look he gives me when he does it that causes my face to flush. I look up and catch Nick watching us. He quirks an eyebrow at me. In spite of the fact that I know I can't do it with just one like he can, I stare back at him and lift both of mine.

We hold each other's gaze for a full minute before Nick finally breaks it and turns to Eli. "I give up. I surrender. Now will you please tell me?"

For a moment the whole group shifts their attention from their food to Nick. Eli stifles a chuckle and puts a bite of food in his mouth.

"Eli Pedrad," Nick growls.

Eli finishes his bite. "Nick Pedrad?" he growls back.

The two of them lock gazes.

Leeann nudges me in the side. "Any idea what's going on with the two of them?" she whispers.

"I think," I intentionally whisper loud enough for the table to hear me, "that Nick is trying to get Eli to tell him if he talked to me before dinner or not."

Nick responds, without breaking eye contact with Eli, "That might be what I want to know. Then again, you walked in here together, so I might figure you did talk, and I want to know how the talk went."

"Why would you care about that?" Eli sounds casual, but he's put his hand under the table, and it's resting on my leg.

"Because I want to know if _you_," Nick points his knife at Eli, "are going to be in a better mood now!"

Eli squeezes my leg, then lifts his hand and starts eating again, ignoring his cousin.

Leeann leans over to me. "What did you talk about?" She sounds puzzled.

"My recent moods," Eli replies before I can. Anyone who knows him well can hear the laughter in his voice.

My eyes dart between Nick, Eli, and Leeann. It seems fitting to me somehow, that I'm in the middle of the three Pedrads

"Okay… " Leeann's voice is slow like she's trying to figure something out. "You've been in a lousy mood lately," she looks from Eli to me to Nick, puzzled. "She hasn't even been around, so why would that involve Hana?"

Nick rolls his eyes, then answers Leeann but doesn't look at her. His gaze is firmly planted on Eli. "That's _why_ I think it involves Hana. I developed an interesting theory on his bad moods." He pauses for a second. "Didn't you notice, the bad moods started about the same time _she_," he points his knife at me without looking at me, "started working all day and all night?"

I start to smile, trying my hardest to keep it a small Abnegation smile.

A movement to my side catches my attention. I shift my eyes and my head slightly so I can just see Jude. Her fist is balled up and she's glaring at me. If I didn't have Eli next to me, and she looked like that, I would be scared. As it is, I'm a little worried about what she's going to do when Eli's finished having his fun with Nick.

Leeann looks back and forth between Eli and me several times before settling on Eli. "_Does_ Hana have anything to do with your moods?"

I can almost see the wheels turning in her brain.

Eli quirks an eyebrow at Nick, daring him to answer Leeann's question.

"My theory," Nick takes the bait, "is that these two have been dating behind our backs."

Jazz spits out her drink. Rais quirks his head and looks at both of us. Abilyn narrows her eyes. I know she's looking for tells right now. Jude looks murderous. I do not want to be alone in a dark hallway anytime soon.

"Eli and Hana?" I can hear Bekah testing the idea out in her words.

I blush.

"Yes, Eli and Hana," Nick repeats. "Eli and Hana, who for months, before Hana started working all the time, could never be found at the same time for hours. Then they'd reappear within minutes of each other."

Leeann's eyes go wide. She's starting to put pieces together.

"Hana's been working nonstop for about a month," Bekah throws in.

"Eli's been in a bad mood for about that long," Rais continues.

"Oh, my…" Tori cuts off the next word then looks over at me. "That day I ran into you at the fountain and Eli showed up! You two…"

I can't keep from laughing at the expression her face. She's just realized that she almost caught us.

Chaz suddenly laughs. "Are you kidding me? Eli can't keep that kind of relationship a secret."

Eli takes my left hand out from under the table. He doesn't lace his fingers through it, but holds it from underneath and tilts my hand up. "Oh, I can't…?"

My face turns a new shade of red that not even an Amity artist could capture.

That's all it takes for Nick to finally look away from Eli and look at me.

I hear nearby utensils drop.

"Now was that so hard?" Nick looks at Eli.

I laugh, and Leeann grabs my hand and pulls it towards her.

"Where did you get that?!"

"From your cousin."

"But… what?" She stumbles over her words. "When? How? I mean, I didn't even know…" She turns to the rest of the group. Except for Nick who is smiling at us, and Jude who is openly glaring at me, the rest of them to a person are staring at us with open mouths. "Did _any_ of you know?" Leeann turns on them. Her tone is accusatory. So much so, that if either Eli or I _had_ told someone, I'm pretty sure they would never admit it to Leeann.

"Leeann," Eli slips his arm protectively around my shoulder. "It wasn't a conspiracy against you. We didn't tell anyone."

I realize why he put his arm around me when I see Jude stand. She has her knife from dinner in her hand and she's grasping the handle hard enough that her knuckles are white. No one else seems to have noticed her yet.

"Why not?" Leeann sounds hurt.

"Because we wanted to figure it out ourselves without feeling like if it didn't work, we'd be tearing the group apart and making people pick sides," Eli explains.

Leeann gives us a skeptical look.

I sigh. "Leeann, we needed to do this our way."

"You mean _your_ way." Jude's voice is menacing. The knife flips back and forth as she turns her wrist.

"She means _our_ way. It was my idea." Eli speaks softly, but there is an edge to his voice.

"You led me on." It almost sounds like there are tears in her voice. "You _lied_ to me. You said she was just Leeann's friend."

Eli shook his head. "She _was_ just Leeann's friend when I broke it off with you. I told you it was over between us more than a year ago. You and I had been through for a couple of months before I realized I wanted to ask Hana out."

"You told me you would _never_ get serious about _anyone_, that you would _never_ get married."

"I changed…" Eli starts, then gives his head a little shake and tries again. "Hana changed my mind."

"I gave you three years of my life, and this little… _nothing_ changes your mind?"

I notice Zane. He's sitting there with a stunned look on his face.

Jude suddenly springs across the table, aiming the knife at me.

Everything happens at once. The cafeteria goes quiet. Nick grabs her arm. Eli stands and pulls me behind him. Leeann grabs her knife and holds it to Jude's neck. Jazz gathers Amar in her arms, and Rais pulls them both behind him.

The rest of our table stands, ready for action.

"Never," Leeann's voice is low and harder than I have ever heard it. "Never, _ever_ threaten a Pedrad. Not a past, a present, or a _future_ Pedrad."

Jude moves back.

"You will lose _every_ _time_," Leeann finishes.

Chaz stands next to his wife. The knife in his hand flips over and over. I remember him when we threw knives in training. He was deadly accurate right from the first throw.

Jude drops her knife, wrenches her arm from Nick, grabs her tray, and stomps off. Zane waits just a moment, and then follows her.

I sag into Eli. He pulls me to his front and holds me. For a few moments, I shake from nerves, but it doesn't take long for his presence to calm me down. He sits down and pulls me into his lap. I'm so shaken up that I don't even resist, even though I am sitting on his lap in front of most of Dauntless. The rest of our group sits down, too.

Slowly the conversations in the cafeteria start again. Only our group stays quiet.

"Okay," Eli finally breaks the silence. "It turns out you were right to be worried about Jude's reaction."


	56. Chapter 56- Family Dinner

**Jeff- (Mentioned) a supervisor in the control room.**

**Sultana- Control room supervisor, mother of Rais, one of Eli's childhood friends (which also makes her Amar's grandmother.)**

**Bekah- (Mentioned) one of Hana's friends, engaged to Conner**

**Conner- (Mentioned) co-worker of Hana's engaged to Bekah**

**Taylor and Abram- Eli's parents, Leeann's aunt and uncle**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Carly- co-worker and friend (also Gus's mom)**

**Again, thank you all for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. Once again I've enjoyed reading each and every one of them, and several of you mentioned something pretty obvious that I had missed in this chapter. So, thank you for keeping me in line!**

**Kylalovesbabe- can't have a story without a little drama, can we? Maybe now that Hana is officially together with Eli, Nick at least won't have to help walk her around so much…**

**And of course to the awesome Bahrfamily thank you for once again being willing to jump in there and wade through my mistakes. It is "unreal" (thank you for figuring out the missing word) how well you do it. **

**56 Family Dinner**

No matter what I do, I notice the ring on my finger. Not too many other people have commented on it so far, but I notice it with every move my left hand makes. It seems… incredible… unbelievable…unreal. Not only have Eli and I told our friends we're dating, but we're getting married- soon!

I wait until Jeff leaves for the day and Sultana switches places between watching her own feed to supervising, before I open up a dialogue box and let Sultana know I need to talk to her really quickly.

She comes over and squats next to me. "What's up?"

"What's the procedure for getting off the week after Nuptials Day?" I'm already scheduled off on Nuptials Day, since I _was_ supposed to stand up for Bekah and Conner.

Sultana looks at me funny. "Hana, you know there's only one way to…" Her voice trails off as she checks out my left hand. Her smile grows quickly. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"If you think it means I'm getting married this year, then yes, it does."

She leans over and hugs me. I try hugging her back instead of stiffening up; it's not easy. Suddenly she pulls back and clarifies. "I'm assuming this means you're finally admitting that you've been dating Eli, and not someone else...?"

"I'm marrying Eli," I confirm, "no one else."

"Good." She gives a quick nod. "I'll put you on the list to have the week after Nuptials Day off." She stands up and I hear her mutter, "With you and Conner both getting married, I hope we have everyone else back by then!"

* * *

Leeann gets off at four o'clock. For some reason, she pokes her head into the Control Room and then comes and kneels by me. "Dinner at my place, six o'clock." She stands up to leave. "Eli's going to have to come straight from work too, so, I'll have Chaz meet you here."

"Leeann, I work until seven."

Leeann groans. "I've already invited Aunt Taylor! There's no way I can't keep from saying anything for over an hour!"

"What?"

"Aunt Taylor and Uncle Abram are coming over to my apartment for dinner so you and Eli can tell them!"

I shake my head at her. "Don't you think that's something that Eli and I can tell them- ourselves, without you?"

"No!" Leeann's voice is loud compared to the quiet of the control room. Then she quiets down as she adds, "I don't want to miss their reaction."

Carly, as usual, only has one of her headphones on. She shifts in her seat so she can see us and her screen at the same time. "Their reaction to what?" She looks at me suspiciously as she asks.

Leeann turns and answers before I can even process the question. "Hana's marrying Eli."

"Leeann!" I protest weakly. "That's really _my_ news to tell, not yours!"

"No, not really!" Leeann flips her hair over her shoulder. "_I've_ waited a whole lot longer for him to get engaged than _you_ have!"

A short laugh escapes through my nose. Leave it to Leeann to make my engagement _her_ news.

Carly's eyes grow wide, and then a smile spreads across her face. "How did I miss the fact that you've been dating Eli?"

"Join the club." Leeann pouts. "They didn't even tell me!"

I groan. Here we go again! We really should have told them sooner!

"So you want to have the family over so Eli and Hana can make their announcement?" Carly confirms.

Leeann nods.

"What time?"

"Well, I told Aunt Taylor six, but Hana works until seven. I don't know if I can keep from saying anything for that long!" Leeann finishes with a groan.

Carly pulls up a dialog box and starts typing.

"Leeann, you really should have checked with me first."

"I checked with Eli!" she counters.

I shake my head. "My schedule has been so crazy lately, that half the time I don't know what time I'm getting off until they tell me to go home! How's Eli supposed to know it?"

"Problem solved." Carly turns to us. "I'm supposed to be off at six. I asked Sultana if she would bend the rules and let me work an extra hour tonight so you could leave." She sighs in mock suffering. "She said I could, _if_ I promised to keep my leg up the rest of the night." Carly uses both hands to hoist her broken leg back onto the chair next to her.

She and Sultana have been fighting about this ever since Carly got to work at two. Carly wants to put her leg down where it's more comfortable. The doctor's orders say she supposed to keep it propped up. The rest of us have listened to Sultana bark at Carly to put her leg back up more times than we can count in those two hours. Carly always does it when Sultana tells her to, but in less than ten minutes, her foot is touching the ground again.

Leeann stands up and throws her arms around Carly. "Thank you!"

* * *

"Are you nervous?" Chaz asks me as he walks me to their apartment.

"No," I admit, "Taylor already told me she likes me and that I'd be good for Eli, so I'm really not worried about her reaction. And I just can't picture Abram having a bad reaction."

Chaz laughs. "You're right, there's not much of a chance of that. He's always been a very amiable man. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him mad at someone. Eli's a lot like him. They just seem to go with what is happening. Not much upsets either of them."

At least I know neither of my future-in-laws will react like Jude.

"Look who I found!" Chaz announces as he opens the door to the apartment.

Taylor looks up from setting the table. I was hoping Eli would be at the door so we could have a quick conversation about how he wants to tell them. "Hana! What are you doing here?"

I smile back at her. "Leeann invited me over."

Taylor's face briefly shows her confusion, and then she's back in control and smiling. "Well, come on in."

Chaz walks over and kisses Leeann. He smiles at me and winks as he takes the "extra" place setting from Leeann so he can finish setting the table so it includes me.

Eli and Abram are seated on the couch, talking with Nick, who has the recliner. Our eyes lock together. We hadn't discussed how we were going to tell his parents, and Leeann sprang this on us with no chance to discuss it ahead of time. Eli excuses himself from Nick and Abram without looking away from me. He walks over to me. Automatically my arms wrap around him as he leans in to hug me. He kisses my cheek and whispers softly, "Sorry about Leeann."

"Eli?" Taylor's voice is curious.

Eli turns to his mother with his arm around my shoulder. "Yes?"

"Explain yourself." There is a commanding but expectant tone to her voice. "_Now_!"

* * *

Taylor and I help Leeann clean up the dishes after dinner. I find myself at the sink, washing them, much like I did at Chaz's surprise birthday party.

"I don't know how you use so many pans for such a simple meal." Taylor shakes her head at Leeann as she dries the third sauce pan.

"Well," Leeann shrugs, "I always seem to start with the wrong size."

Taylor suddenly turns to me. "So, the last time you and I did dishes together…"

I bite my lip and smile slightly. "Yes?" I have a feeling I know where she's about to go with this.

"I told you I thought you would be good for each other."

I nod.

She continues, "I told you that he thought a lot of you. So, the question is, were you were dating my son back then and you didn't admit that to me, or did I get you to thinking?"

"Wait!" Leeann exclaims, before I can say anything to defend myself. "_You_ _knew_ about them?"

Taylor laughs. "I had an idea."

"How?" Leeann shoots her a look.

Taylor shakes her head at her niece. "Leeann, they were subtle, I'll give you that, but… I watch my children. You always watch Chaz. You have ever since you were a little girl, and Chaz always has an eye on you. He did even before…" She leaves her sentence hanging and quickly moves on. "Nick mainly keeps an eye on you. Eli usually watches you and Nick and whoever he is dating, if whoever that is, is there. At Feast Day he watched you and Nick, and he wasn't dating anyone, but every once in a while I caught him watching Hana. Then," Taylor flashes a Pedrad grin at me, "Eli disappeared and Hana disappeared about 3 minutes later. They both reappeared with about the same time difference almost 45 minutes later. Then at Chaz's party, they both came early to help out, and when it was just the two of them, they didn't get much done. They gave different answers as to _why_ they hadn't gotten much done."

"I wasn't around for that." You can tell from her voice she feels a little better about the fact she missed it.

"But the biggest reason was, at Chaz's party, my son watched _Hana_, and _only_ Hana. He never checked on you or Nick. So, I watched her, too, and what I noticed was that although she tried not to, she watched him, too. When it came right down to it, they just weren't that good at hiding their feelings."

"I thought they were," Leeann grumbles.

* * *

After the dishes are done, I find myself on the couch with Eli's arm around me, pulling me close. Leeann sits on my other side, her head resting on Chaz's shoulder. Abram and Taylor have taken the loveseat. They may not be seated as close as we younger couples are, but they still hold hands.

There is a part of me that feels bad for Nick as he sits in the recliner by himself. That part of me feels like I should push away from Eli so I'm not touching him. It's that Abnegation part of me that feels I am being selfish by leaving him out. But the longer I am in Dauntless, the easier it is to ignore that part, so I don't move away. Still, I wish there was some way to get him to have an open mind about Kelly.

"So, have you two started making plans for Nuptials Day yet?" Taylor starts the conversation with the obvious topic.

Eli and I glance at each other. "It was kind of sudden," I say slowly. "Before Visiting Day, we had discussed the fact that we wouldn't be getting married this year, so…"

"I can help!" Leeann pipes up quickly.

Taylor shoots her a look.

"If you'd like me to…" she quickly amends.

Eli looks at me and gives a small nod. I turn to Leeann. "If you're going to stand up with me, you're going to _have_ to help me."

Leeann's eyes light up. "You want me to stand up with you?"

"Who else would I ask?" I smile at her. "After all, you did introduce us!"

"I did, didn't I?" She looks proud of herself.

Eli looks over at Nick. "And you'll stand up with me, right?"

Nick's look while he pretends to think is comical, but his response is very serious. "Have you talked to her yet?"

Eli squirms.

Nick looks pointedly at him.

"Nick." Taylor's voice is firm.

Nick looks away from Eli to Taylor.

"_That_ is none of your business." I wouldn't want to cross her right now.

Nick opens his mouth to speak.

"Not another word. What they talk about is between them. You trust him and stand up with him and support him on this, or you don't." It surprises me to hear Abram speak as adamantly as his wife. "There are no conditions to it."

I look around the room at the serious faces. Everyone in the room has one right now, and that's just not normal for this family. There is something going on here. I'm pretty sure the "her" Nick is referencing is me. What does Nick think that Eli needs to talk to me about? Then I quickly remember, Nick gave Eli the letter. That must be it. There must be more to the letter than he told me.

Nick takes a deep breath and nods. The nod seems to be directed towards his aunt and uncle. The pause before he speaks to Eli stretches out much longer than I expect it to. "I'll stand up with you," he finally says gruffly.

"Thank you." Eli smiles at his cousin.

After the exchange between them, a slightly uncomfortable silence seems to fall upon the group.

"Do you still have the list I gave you last year?" Leeann suddenly asks me. She sounds like she is grabbing at something to say.

"I'm not sure. I hadn't thought about it."

"Hana!" Leeann's voice is shocked. "You have less than two months to get everything ready!"

I smile and try to hide a yawn. It may have only been a thirteen hour shift at work today, but that's the shortest shift I've worked in almost a month.

"Leeann, you and I may need to pick up some slack." Eli leans in and kisses the top of my head. "How many hours did you work today?" he asks me softly.

"Thirteen. Carly covered my last hour so I could be here in time for dinner." I try to yawn through my ears so it doesn't show.

"How long has it been since you worked anything less than a ten hour day?"

I blink at him for moment, trying to remember, and then realize I don't remember the question. "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

Eli pulls me up with him when he stands up. "I hate to cut this short, but my fiancé," I smile when he calls me that, "needs some sleep."

Taylor stands up. "You get her home and then come back. We can finish our conversation and start figuring out what each of us can do to help." She pulls me into a hug.

Abram surprises me by hugging me too, once his wife lets go. "I'm glad he picked you," he whispers, just loudly enough for me to hear.

Eli wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. My arm edges around his waist. I feel like I'm leaning into him an awful lot.

"I'm tempted to carry you," he mutters as we walk towards the elevator.

"I can walk."

He kisses the top of my head. "I knew you'd say that. Even with a concussion, you insisted on walking."

I shrug. "It really was easier on me than you carrying me."

"If you say so." He sounds unconvinced. "It was easier on me to carry you."

We walk into the empty elevator. "How was it easier for you to carry me?"

Eli kisses my cheek. "I didn't have to worry," he kisses my other cheek, "about you fainting." He kisses my forehead. "When you were in my arms," he kisses my nose, "I knew you were safe." He kisses along my neck, "I've always felt better," he leans in so his lips almost brush mine, "knowing you are safe."

I know where he is going so I lift myself on tiptoes so my lips can meet his. My arms encircle his neck. His arms are around my waist, pulling me closer. The kiss is long and sweet. It's only the ding of the elevator bell that makes me move away from him. We've gone down twenty-three floors to the housing level of the Pit. I don't think that trip has ever gone by so quickly. I had no idea we were there already.

"You know," Eli says breathlessly, "we could stop by the Chasm on the way to your apartment."

For a moment I look at him, trying to decide if he's serious or not, and if I'm willing to or not.

"Hana," his voice catches, "if we don't head to your apartment now, we aren't going to make it there any time soon."

I nod, and we start walking away from the Chasm. Part of me is relieved.

Part of me is… disappointed.


	57. Chapter 57- The Pedrads' Past

**Carly, Micah, and Gus- Carly and Micah were in Eli, Nick, Jazz, and Rais's initiation group. Gus is their son (He's actually a character from Four: a Divergent Collection)**

**Jazz and Rais- Amar's parents**

**Angie- one of Hana's former roommates**

**Ben- Abilyn's (one of Hana's roommates) fiancé.**

**Taylor and Abram- (Mentioned) Eli's parents**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Taylor and Evan- (Mentioned) Leeann's and Nick's parents**

**57 The Pedrads' Past**

* * *

**PLEASE READ BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER…**

**Special Author's Note from Bahrfamily:**

**I need to warn anyone who is sensitive to the topic of suicide that you may want to skip this chapter. If you PM Savannah Rose, she can give you a summary of the chapter so you don't miss anything, without all the details. I've lost two people to suicide in my life: a friend in high school, in a similar manner to that described here, and then more recently, my father, 9 years ago, just weeks before my second daughter was born. For those who have not been through it, there really is no way to describe it, but it is a far, FAR different loss than that of losing a loved one to an accident or illness. There is so much guilt involved, as a survivor, so many "What if's" that haunt a person for so, so long after. And there tends to still be a stigma to it, even today, so that people don't want to talk about it. Please know, if you are struggling as a survivor, that you are NOT alone, and that it is okay – it is IMPORTANT – to talk about it. And if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please, PLEASE talk to someone and get help. It *always* gets better. But the pain and grief and guilt you will leave your loved ones with – even if, in the midst of your struggle, you can't see why they would miss you, please trust me, they WILL. And they will always wonder "What if I had only…"**

**That being said…as I said, this chapter might be a bit difficult to read if you are a survivor, as I did not let Savanah Rose gloss it over or soften the impact…As I said, Savanah Rose will be more than happy to send you a chapter summary if you don't feel you can read this chapter.**

* * *

Amar's second birthday party is a blast. He's old enough this time that the presents in front of him, or at least the paper that wraps them, and the boxes that hold them, interest him. Gus tries to help him unwrap and then play with all the new toys.

Leeann grabs Gus and puts him on her lap. Micah is at work, and Carly is still on crutches from breaking her leg, so she volunteered to help corral the hyper child.

"Too much Dauntless Cake!" Carly tries to blame the cake for Gus's rambunctiousness.

"Hey!" Angie is quick to protest. "I made that cake! There is nothing wrong with it!"

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it." Carly quickly backpedals. Getting on the wrong side of a cake maker is never a good idea. "It was really good. So good, that he had too much!"

Leeann tries to interest Gus in one of the boxes Amar has let fall to the floor. Gus takes the bait for a little while. It's a cute picture, watching the two of them take turns putting the box on their heads.

Eli wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. It's still a little weird to have him hold me in front of everyone, but it's a good weird. I lean my head against his chest. It's a very good kind of weird. I could take a lifetime of it, and never get tired of it.

* * *

As the party winds down, I automatically start helping Jazz pick things up. "Hey Stiff!" Eli calls out to me from across the room. "You missed a plate over here."

I shake my head at him. "I haven't been over there yet."

"Stiff?" Puzzled, Ben looks from Eli to me. "Why did you call her Stiff?"

Nick laughs. "Tell him, Eli."

"Go touch her," Eli challenges Ben.

"What?" Ben looks confused by the suggestion.

"Just poke her on the arm," Eli eggs him on.

"That won't work!" I call over to him, letting him know I'm listening to the conversation. "It will take more than that."

"That's all it used to take!" Eli smiles at me and turns his attention back to Ben. "When Hana first transferred here."

"Hana's a transfer?"

Eli nods. "From Abnegation. When she got here, she would stiffen up any time anyone touched her."

* * *

There is something not quite right between Leeann and Chaz as they leave. He's holding her hand, but she's the one who looks like a Stiff, not me. Her body language is off. Normally, the two of them seem to hang on each other, but tonight… Tonight it looks like Leeann just wants out of here away from everyone. Including Chaz.

I'm about to go check on her, when Eli catches my hand. "Leave her alone," he whispers and pulls me in close. He kisses my cheek. "Let them work it out."

* * *

"What in the world is going on?" I ask Eli as we grab our breakfast trays. The group is split in three. The majority of them sit in our normal spot, but not Chaz or Leeann. In fact, they aren't even sitting together. They are on opposite sides of the cafeteria with their backs to each other. Nick is seated across from Leeann.

It shocks me when I hear Eli swear quietly under his breath.

"Do we sit with Leeann and Nick, with Chaz, or with the others?" I ask softly.

Eli sighs deeply. "I was afraid of this last night."

"Afraid of what?" I ask.

"That this fight was coming. We divide and conquer." He swallows hard. "I'll take Leeann, you sit with Chaz."

"Why can't I take Leeann?" Nothing against Chaz, but I'm more comfortable with Leeann than Chaz.

"Because if this fight is about what I think it is…" his voice trails off. "She won't talk to you. She'll only talk to family."

He leans over and kisses my cheek. "Go sit with Chaz. There's a lot from our past that haunts her. I'll handle her. Tell Chaz…" There is a strange look in his eyes. If I didn't know better, I would say he is haunted by something, too. "Tell him that I trust him." He kisses my cheek again and walks off toward Leeann. As I watch him go, I suddenly wonder if I _do_ know better.

My brows lower in confusion, but I listen to Eli and go sit with Chaz.

"What's up with you and Leeann?" I put down my tray across from Chaz.

"Where's Eli?" Chaz doesn't even look up from his plate. It's a jumbled mess. I don't think he's actually eaten anything on it, just mixed it around on his plate.

"He's with Leeann. He says that if this is the fight he saw coming, she'll talk to him and not to me." I sit down.

Chaz sighs heavily and nods. "It is. She won't talk to me. She yelled at me, threw things at me, and then quit talking entirely." He looks over his shoulder. "I hope he's right. She has to talk to someone. I'm not entirely sure Nick is the right person." I look over and notice Nick has stood up and Eli is now sitting down in his vacated seat. "It's not good for her to keep all of this bottled up inside, but … she can't talk to me. She won't talk to me. I'm the enemy right now."

I raise my eyebrows at him in surprise. Chaz, the enemy?

"I'm the one who wants kids," he states simply.

"And Leeann doesn't?" I can feel my brow furrow in confusion. She always seems to enjoy Amar and Gus.

"She's afraid," Chaz whispers.

Afraid of kids? That doesn't even make sense. "Why?"

Chaz looks at me strangely. "Eli really hasn't talked to you about this, has he?"

I feel my brow lowering. "Talked to me about what? You and Leeann having kids?" I ask, genuinely confused at this conversation.

Chaz chuckles, takes a deep breath, and lets it out. "Look, I don't know that I should be talking to you about this..."

Frustrated, I tell him the last thing Eli said to me. "Eli said to tell you he trusts you."

Chaz's laugh is short and he shakes his head. "Of course he does." Chaz is thoughtful. "But maybe I am the best one to talk to you. I married into the craziness, and right now you're planning to do the same…"

Nick sits down next to Chaz. "Has he talked to her?" Nick addresses the question to Chaz.

Chaz shakes his head. "When was he supposed to? She works more hours than she doesn't and there's only been the night of Amar's party since the family dinner."

"Maybe he should have told her when he was dating her and didn't tell us!" I'm surprised at how angry Nick sounds.

Chaz takes a deep breath and sighs. "Maybe he should have, but he didn't. We can't change the past, only the future."

Nick snorts. "You sound like Eli. So… are we just going to sit here?" There is something simmering just beneath the surface.

Chaz looks at me for a minute, then turns to Nick and shakes his head. "Eli says he trusts me."

"So you're going to do his dirty work?"

Chaz shrugs. "I married into this family, and right now, she's planning to, also. I'm less…" Chaz searches for the right word, "emotionally involved than the rest of you. Right now, I may be the best one to tell her."

"I'm not letting you sugar coat it." Nick's voice is firm.

A small smile forms on Chaz's face. "I never thought you would."

I look from Chaz to Nick and back to Chaz again. "What am I missing? Why do you keep saying that right now I'm planning to marry Eli, like that could change?"

Chaz takes a deep breath. "Have you ever wondered why the cousins are so close?"

I think for a minute, and then shrug. "I always assumed it had to do with Nick and Leeann's mother dying." I feel funny talking about Nick like he's not here, when he is, but somehow it feels like he's just an observer right now, and that this is the right thing to do.

Chaz nods slowly. "After that, they grew up together. They're more like siblings than cousins."

"Did Taylor and Abram end up taking them in?" I hazard a guess. No one has ever said as much to me, and I don't know when their father became factionless, but it all lines up.

Chaz nods again. "Leeann was five when their mother died. Tonya, her mother, hadn't been well for a while, but her death was still very sudden." He looks over his shoulder at Leeann. She still has her back to him, but she's talking to Eli now. "And the events leading up to it were very weird…" His voice trails off in memory.

My Abnegation training kicks in, and I just sit there. He'll talk when he's ready.

He gives his head a little shake, like he is clearing it, and starts again. "For about six months before she died, she barely slept. She was diagnosed with insomnia to start with. She was exhausted from being up all night and all day. They even sent her to Erudite to see the doctors there. They tried giving her medicine to help her sleep, but even that didn't work. They tried several things after that, but they couldn't do anything for her. Sometime after the second month, she stopped sleeping at all. Instead, she started panicking over the oddest things.

"The last time they came to the cafeteria as a family was awful. It was about five months after Tonya, their mom, started having problems sleeping. We were sitting together, Leeann's family, Eli's family, and mine." He smiles softly. "There were already jokes back then about Leeann and me getting married. They had green beans for dinner that night. I don't remember anything else, but I will always remember the green beans.

"Tonya started picking at them with her fork, just moving them around. The more she moved them, the more agitated she became. Evan, their dad, put a hand on her wrist and quietly asked her what was wrong.

"She looked at him, surprised and started pointing at her green beans. Couldn't he see it? When he asked her what she was seeing, she became even more agitated. She pointed at nothing but green beans, but talked about the bugs in them."

"She gave them a lot of detail," Nick cuts in with a soft voice. "They were brown, about an inch long with even longer red hairs on them. They each had ten white legs and pincers for mouths, the same color as their legs. The worst part was that whatever they ate in the front came out the back looking the same way it went in. Mom's voice got louder and louder the more she talked about them." Nick looks up at me, his eyes full of pain. "She made them seem so real that you couldn't help yourself. You _had_ to believe her. Leeann asked Mom if there were any bugs on _her_ green beans. She was so convinced that Mom really saw them and that she couldn't. When Mom said yes, Leeann screamed because she had already eaten half of them."

"That's why Leeann never eats green beans!" I exclaim, interrupting him.

Nick nods.

Then Chaz takes back over the narrative. "Evan took Tonya out of there. She was making a scene. Taylor took care of calming down Leeann. It was the start of everything changing. They quit coming to meals as a family. Leeann and Nick came with Taylor, or they ate at home."

Nick snorts a laugh. "When we actually ate. Dad's world became smaller and smaller each day. His world totally consisted of Mom. As far as _he_ was concerned," Nick's voice is bitter, "Leeann and I could take care of ourselves. Some days he forgot we needed to eat. Mom couldn't take care of herself, let alone us. Leeann and I did our best to run the house." A small smile slips from Nick's mouth. "It's a good thing Dauntless wear black; I'm pretty sure if was any other color, we would have had stains all over our clothes." He suddenly stops talking.

Chaz gives him a minute, and then picks up the story where Nick left off. "By the sixth month, Tonya never left the apartment. I remember being at their apartment, once, after that, Tonya had an attack. Only she wasn't just panicking. It was more of a hallucination," he shudders, "and to a five year old, it was more than a little scary. She started screaming and pointing at something on the wall. Only…" he hesitates. "It was a blank wall. There was nothing there. She was yelling, screaming about the blood. She looked like she was trying to wipe it off herself. Like the wall was bleeding on her or something." He looks back over his shoulder at Leeann.

"I went over to her and put my arms around her and told her everything was okay," Nick continues on. "Only, when I did that, it got worse. She seemed to think I was covered in blood, too. She yanked away from me, screaming, telling me to get away from her, to leave her alone." Nick swallows hard. "Leeann was in tears. By now we were getting used to her seeing things no one else could see, but…" Nick takes a deep breath. "Mom pushed me away that time. Hard. There was a table behind me, and I hit my head on it. It was a horrible, loud, cracking sound. It sounded worse than it hurt, and it hurt _a lot_. Leeann became hysterical. Before that, even when she was bad, Mom had never acted in a way that might hurt either of us. She might yell at us to go to our rooms or tell us we needed to get away from her. She was aware of when she was bad, but after that day…"

"My mom grabbed all three of us kids and pulled us out of the room," Chaz interrupts Nick, like he's trying to keep him from saying more. "She went to a neighbor's apartment and left us with the wife. The husband and my mom went back to their mom." He looks back at me, his green eyes haunted by the memory. "After that, Leeann came to our apartment to play. I wasn't allowed back at theirs. That was the last time I saw her mom."

"The longer it went on, the worse the hallucinations got. At the end, Dad hardly left her. If he had to go somewhere, he'd get Aunt Taylor to come over and stay with her." Nick picks up the story again. "He told us that she needed him, that we could take care of ourselves and she couldn't."

Nick looks at Leeann again. There is pain in his face. "And yet, he wasn't there when she had her last hallucination. He had to leave the apartment. He says he was only gone ten minutes. Whatever the hallucination was, it must have been bad. When we left for school that morning, she was having a good day, so he thought if he made it quick it would be all right. She was even resting. He told me that he thought if he left, she might even sleep a little. So, he didn't get Aunt Taylor, in case she would keep Mom from sleeping."

"It was our first year at school. Remember the day the water pipe broke and they sent us all home early?" Chaz quickly takes over the narrative.

I nod. There was water all over the street from the break. We ended up off school the next day, too. I don't know what the Dauntless kids did, but the Abnegation kids were at school, helping clean up the water damage.

But Nick… for some reason, Nick isn't about to let Chaz tell this part of the story. "We came home early and… She had killed herself while she was alone." His voice is a whisper. "Eli was with us. We had no idea anything was wrong. Leeann went skipping ahead of us, excited because she had found a book about all the things a mom did for her little girl to help her sleep. Leeann was just _sure_ that if she read Mom the book and tried everything in it, she would find something that would help Mom sleep. So, Leeann was the first one in the door. She was the first one to see Mom." Nick's eyes close, the pain of remembering clearly etched on his face. "There was blood all over the wall. The wall she said was covered in blood the last time Chaz was there really _was_ covered in blood. Mom was covered in blood. Leeann… Leeann was so young that she didn't realize what had happened, but she knew something was wrong. She was hugging Mom, begging her to wake up." Nick can barely speak the last words. "As soon as Eli realized what was going on, he did what Elena, Chaz's mom, had done. He grabbed each of us by the arm and pulled us out of the apartment. Leeann was wailing. I was numb. I guess I was in shock. The only thing I remember about the walk to Aunt Taylor's is that we saw Dad in the hallway. He barely looked at us. Eli calmly informed him that Mom was dead, and that he was taking us home." The look in Nick's eyes tells me whatever is coming next is why he can't forgive his dad. _This_ is the part that caused him to block his dad's view of Leeann when she and Chaz got married. _This_ is the reason he told his father he never got a chance to hurt her again. "Dad didn't even pause to try to comfort Leeann. His daughter had just seen the aftermath of her mother killing herself, and he left her there with her mommy's blood on her, sobbing in the hallway, crying out his name, reaching out to him for comfort, with her eight year old brother and cousin holding her, while she cried for her mommy." We're all quiet, lost in our thoughts. Nick's voice when he speaks again is so soft, it could almost part of my imagination. "He just left her there. He left _us_ there. _Mom_ didn't need him anymore, but _we_ did."

The silence returns to the three of us. The noises of the cafeteria seem so out of place. I've never heard of anyone actually killing themselves. What would it be like to find your mother dead, and to know that she is the one, even if she wasn't in her right mind, who caused it?

"Evan was already pulling away from the kids before she died." Chaz's voice is so soft when he breaks the silence that it can hardly be heard. "After the funeral, it got worse. Each day, he ignored them a little more. They were mourning their mother and losing their father at the same time." Chaz has a haunted look in his eyes that reminds me just a little of Eli's look when he went to talk to Leeann. "He quit taking them to meals. He left them alone in the apartment for long periods of time. Keep in mind, they were five and eight."

I'm surprised at the lack of bitterness in Nick's voice. He sounds unemotional, detached, like he's telling me something that happened to someone else. "One time he was gone for four days without telling anyone. He didn't tell us that he was going, or where. He didn't even tell Uncle Abram that he was going anywhere. He just stopped being there for us." There is a moment of silence. "Eventually, he just stopped being there, period."

I look over at Leeann and Eli. Eli is hunched forward at the table, leaning towards Leeann so he doesn't have to speak loudly. Leeann's back doesn't tell me much. Her shoulders are drawn in like she's trying to make herself smaller.

"That must have been awful." My voice is quiet.

"It was." Nick's voice is hard.

Chaz nods. "If Eli hadn't realized what was going on and gotten his parents to take them in…" There is no end to his sentence.

Eventually Nick picks up the narrative again. "Dad was kicked out of Dauntless shortly after that. They don't take kindly to neglecting your children."

"Leeann confided in me once, when we were in mid-levels, that her biggest fear is to die like her mom." Chaz looks at me. "I don't think she realized, back then, that she has an even bigger fear than that. She's afraid to have kids, afraid to put them through what she went through. She's afraid that if she dies, I'll bail on our kids like her dad did." He looks at me, his eyes blazing with resolve. "But I wouldn't. I saw what it did to her. I _couldn't_ ever do that to my own kids."

The look on his face tells me that this has just dawned on him. He has just figured out why Leeann doesn't want to have kids, why the two of them are having this fight.

"No, Chaz, you're wrong. It's not you she's afraid of," Nick corrects him in a broken voice. "She's afraid of herself."

Chaz's head swings to Nick. I can tell Nick has surprised him by what he said.

Nick takes a deep ragged breath. This has taken a lot out of him. "Chaz, no one has been there for her more than you. She's tested you so many times, trying to push you away so she could see if she could trust you, to see if you love her more than Dad did, if you can handle the rough times. You've passed every test with flying colors. She's not afraid of you. You've proven yourself, every single time. She's afraid of herself. She's heard the whispers that she relies on you like Dad relied on Mom…"

"So what she's really afraid of is that if something happened to me…" Chaz starts.

Nick nods. "She'd do what Dad did. Chaz, she's terrified of what she might do if she lost you."

I've kept quiet for most of this conversation. Listening, absorbing what this family, what _my_ family, has already been through. It's time to bring the conversation back to what started it: Chaz and Leeann's fight. "Chaz…" I take a deep breath. "If you had realized she was this dead set against kids, would you still have married her?"

Chaz looks at me like I'm crazy. "Yes!"

Then it dawns on him what I'm saying.

"I guess I need to try talking to her again…" Chaz takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He looks over his shoulder at her, and then back at me. "This isn't going to be easy."

I try to give him an encouraging smile. "No one ever said marriage was easy."

Chaz shakes his head. "If they did, they certainly weren't married to Leeann."

Nick and I both laugh at that comment.

"Hana, we've dumped a lot of information on you. Make sure you take your own advice. Talk to Eli." He stands up and walks towards where Leeann and Eli sit.

Nick says nothing until Chaz is out of earshot. "Listen, I'm not trying to interfere, but you need to know _everything,_ if you're still going to marry Eli, and there's a couple of things that Chaz and I left out. You know our mothers were sisters, right?"

I nod. I knew that.

"Did you know that our dads are also brothers?" He waits until I shake my head to signify I wasn't aware of that before he continues. "They think what happened to Mom is hereditary. Genetically there's a chance, if it _is_ hereditary, that Eli could carry the same gene that Leeann and I do. He watched Dad disappear, too. I realize I've probably overstepped my bounds, but I told Eli before he proposed to you that he needed to talk to you about this. He hasn't discussed any of this with you, has he?"

I shake my head.

Nick stands up. "It wasn't my place or Chaz's place to tell you any of this. Eli should have done that." His voice is firm and unforgiving. "He should have trusted you with the family history, but if you're going to be in this messed up family, you need to know all of this, too. Even if he won't tell you."

I nod, floored by the new information Nick and Chaz just shared with me.

Eli is heading over to us. "I just hope we're all right about you," Nick mutters right before Eli reaches us.

When Eli does reach us, Nick picks up his tray. "I don't know for sure how long you two have been dating, but you should have told her yourself. She knows now." He walks away, leaving us alone.

Now I understand better why Eli said he needed to be the one who talked to Leeann. How much of this fear does he carry, too?

"Are you finished eating?" he asks gruffly.

I haven't eaten much, but I nod. My stomach is turning, and there is too much emotion in his voice. This has gotten to him. I stand up and grab my tray. We put them up without talking. Once our hands are free, I link my hand with his and give it a squeeze.

He squeezes back but still says nothing.

I let him take the lead, although I'm pretty sure I know where we are headed, and I'm right: we head straight to the Pire, to the elevators, and up to the roof. He doesn't even take time to use the stairs but rides the elevator all the way up to the roof. When the doors open up, he steps out and takes a deep breath; it shudders, just a little, as he lets it out. Then he turns to me and crushes me in a hug.

I wrap my arms around him and just hold him. I know I will hold him for as long as he needs me to.

When he finally lets go, he still doesn't speak; he just takes my hand again and we walk to the garden. We sit on the bench. Eli straddles it so he can face me. I sit with one leg bent in front of me and one on the ground, so I can face him.

"What all did Chaz and Nick tell you?" He looks deep into my eyes.

"About the fight?"

"About everything," he responds simply.

I nod. Eli knew sending me to Chaz would probably bring up the whole family history. He could have sent me to Angie, where she would keep anyone from talking about it. He knew that sending me to Chaz, and having Nick join us, could change everything between us, but for Leeann, he did it anyway.

It's my turn to take a deep breath. "They're fighting about kids. Chaz wants to have them, but Leeann's too scared. Her mom, your aunt, died when Leeann was young." I gloss over the details Chaz and Nick told me. Eli lived it; he already knows more details than I do. "It wasn't pretty."

Eli nods. "They told you about that?"

I nod. "Chaz says Leeann is terrified of dying like her mother, of putting kids through that." I hesitate the barest of moments; here's the hard part. "She's afraid of Chaz leaving if something happened to her, like her dad bailed on them." My voice gets softer as I say the last part. "But Nick says she's afraid of herself, of her dependence on him, and not the other way around."

He nods and looks away from me. When he looks back, his eyes show his worry. "Did either of them explain to you how closely I am related to Leeann and Nick?"

"Yes."

"Are you mad at me?"

I draw my eyebrows down. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I haven't told you any of this, and we're engaged."

"Still, why would I be mad? I know Nick thinks you should have told me, but it's his and Leeann's story to tell."

"Hana…"

"I understand," I interrupt him. "They think that what your aunt had was genetic; with both of your parents being related, you could carry it, too. But the _fear_ is Leeann's."

"And Nick's," Eli interrupts me. "Nick won't even date because of it."

I feel a stab of pain in my heart for Nick. So that's the reason he doesn't date. I've always wondered, but didn't feel like I should ask. He shouldn't let this keep him from finding someone, whether it's Kelly or not, to share his life with…

"And yours?"

Eli laughs. "Hana, I dated Marley and then Jude. Two people I could never be serious with. Girls I knew I would never truly care about. I knew I would never marry or have kids with either of them. They kept me from being alone without having to worry about the future." The laughter in his face dies. "Then I met you." He reaches out like he's going to touch me, but his hand hesitates between us. It's almost like he's afraid he no longer has the right to touch me. I grab it before he can set it back down, before I can lose my nerve, and place it on my cheek. Then I lean into it, hugging it between my cheek and my shoulder. His breath hitches. "In you, I found someone I love, someone I care about more than myself, someone who completes me."

I blink, and a tear trickles from my eye.

"I want to marry you. Maybe even have a family with you." He gently frames my head in his hands, holding it so I have to look straight into his eyes. "I'm not afraid any more. If we ever have kids, I plan to raise them with you, but I also know you are strong. I know if something happens to me, you could do it on your own. You _would_ do it on your own. You wouldn't be my uncle.

"I also plan on you being there, and you raising them with me, but if anything were to happen to you…" he takes a deep breath again, "I would be strong. I would raise them on my own. I wouldn't be my uncle, either."

We look into each other's eyes, holding each other's gaze, evaluating what we see there. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "Maybe Nick was right, and I should have told you all of this when we first started dating. It's just, I knew you could handle it, so to me, it didn't make a difference. Maybe it does to you."

I move so I am kneeling on the bench. "I'm glad I know, but I love you, and it doesn't change anything." I lean forward and put my arms around him. His breath shudders out as I hold him tight. How did I miss he was holding this fear inside of him?

For a while we just hold each other. Then I move away from him, just enough so I can kiss him. I kiss his cheek, where he first kissed me, and I follow his pattern until I find his lips.

**The disease that is described in here is real, but very rare. It's called Fatal Familial Insomnia. Bahrfamily found it for me when I gave her an idea of what I was looking for Leeann's mom's death. Proof again she's the best beta reader and collaborator in the world! **

**Kylalovesbabe- The next chapter is titled Ex's... you'll see Jude again soon. As for Eli... all I can tell you is that you can't have Uriah without Eli...and I'm exploring every avenue I can find... I promise. Nick and Kelly... stay tuned. Jury is still out on that. The Blackest Shade of Gray will have the answer to that... I think.**


	58. Chapter 58-Ex's

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**Angie and Rob- now married, both of them were in Hana's initiation group.**

**Kelly- Hana's friend and one of her roommates, she likes Nick**

**Marley- Eli's stable? ex-girlfriend**

**Jude- Eli's unstable ex-girlfriend**

**Zane- (Mentioned) Jude's fiancé**

**Thank you fall for the reviews! I know the last chapter was a hard one. Sorry about that, but we did need to find out where the Pedrads were coming from. Hopefully this chapter is a little more... enjoyable... And yes, there is more Hana and Eli coming... and more Jude... and more drama... and a wedding... and I better get started so you can all enjoy it!**

**Thank you, as usual to Bahrfamily, for making sure it's all right!**

**58 Exs**

Chaz and Rob want to watch the fights tonight, so we're all headed up to watch. Chaz and Rob lead the way, each one talking animatedly about their favorite fighters. Each of them is trying to convince the other one that their fighter will win, and the other person's favorite will lose.

Leeann and Angie walk behind them. It's all I can do not to laugh out loud at the two of them mimicking their husbands. Especially since the guys have no clue what they are doing.

Eli watches them too. He grins at me, leans over and whispers in my ear, "You will never do that to me, right?"

I smile back. "Oh, right. Of course not!"

Eli laughs. I love his laugh. It's a warm laugh, wrapped with love and security. Then he stops, pretends to pout, and pulls his hand out of mine. "Nick, come talk to me, I'm marrying a brat."

We all laugh, and Nick and I trade places, so Kelly and I are walking together. I can tell Kelly's not excited about walking with me. She'd much rather walk with Nick.

That is why I'm not standing next to Eli, holding his hand when Marley comes up.

_Marley,_ of all people…

It feels a bit like deja vu to watch her strut up to him and put her arms around him. She leans in to kiss him. This is _so_ not happening. Before anyone else can do anything but stare at her, I tap her on the shoulder. "Hi, I'm Hana." I hold out my hand to shake.

She doesn't move, but continues to hang on to Eli. She looks at me for a second like I have two heads. She has no idea who I am or why I'm trying to come between her and Eli. She turns to Eli, to attempt to kiss him again, but he removes her hands from his neck. He moves a step closer to me. Before he can say anything, I speak up. She needs to understand that I am part of this equation, and she is not. "I'm Eli's fiancé."

She turns from me to him. Her eyebrows raised in a questioning manor. Eli stands right behind me, almost like he's using me as a barrier between him and Marley. His arms wrap around me and he kisses the top of my head. "Hana and I are getting married," he confirms.

"I thought you didn't do serious." There's a hint of laughter in her voice, like she thinks this is a joke.

"I didn't until I found the right one." Eli quickly informs her.

She cocks her head to one side and looks me up and down. It's a very evaluating look. It's a look that says she just doesn't get it. I can understand why she doesn't get it. Marley and Jude are both drop-dead gorgeous. They are both tall and curvy, with features that cause them to stand out in a crowd. I'm short and average. Nothing about me stands out. Nothing except the fact that _I'm_ the one with Eli.

She opens her mouth to say something, but Eli speaks first.

"And be careful what you say." His voice is low. "I am marrying her and I won't tolerate…" He doesn't finish his sentence, and I wonder why he feels the need to say any of it at all.

"Congratulations," is what comes out.

I wonder if she's sincere, but it really doesn't matter.

"Thank you." Eli kisses the top of my head again.

"Well…" She stands there awkwardly for a moment. Her gaze shifts between Eli and me. "I better get going."

* * *

Eli and I end up leaving the fights early. He's running back ups tomorrow and has to be up early, and along with the fact I don't feel like making Nick walk me home, I have another fourteen hour shift tomorrow. "Eli! Hana!" I stiffen at the sound of the voice calling out both our names. This can't be happening.

Eli's arm tightens around me momentarily. Then he turns around to face her, placing me slightly behind him. "Jude."

Jude stops in front of us. She looks slightly uncomfortable. Her hair has been cut into a semi-long pixie cut. All the sunset colors are out of it now. The blonde hair and new hair cut makes her look younger and more innocent.

Innocent is _not_ a word I like being applied to her.

"What do you want?" Eli's voice is hard.

She takes a deep breath. Her blue eyes shift from Eli, to me, to Eli again. "Look, I can see why you…" She bites her lip. "After the other day in the cafeteria… I've started seeing an Amity counselor. I probably should have gone a long time ago. We've been talking about a lot of things. Everything from Dad to Mom and her boyfriend to…" she pauses for a moment, "you and me, you and Hana, Hana and me, Zane and me. We've even talked a little about what happened in the cafeteria."

Eli nods, and we wait for her to go on.

"I'm still… I'm still trying to work things out, but… I do know this." She holds Eli's eyes with hers. "I'm sorry about how I reacted. I always figured that if I waited long enough, you'd change your mind, but you never did. Then you _did_ change your mind, with her, and that quickly. I just…" I notice her ball up her hands, and then she takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out as she uncurls her fingers. "I didn't react well. I'm sorry." Her eyes shift to me. "I…" She takes another deep breath. "You're good for Eli, probably better than I ever could have been. I know you don't want me around." She looks at Eli again; tears start to fill her eyes. "I figure I deserve that, and I'll stay away from you," she turns her attention to me, "both of you. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, and I hope you two are very happy."

Eli smiles at her. "Thank you."

I understand the need to accept her apology, but I hate the smile on his face.

But if this is going to end everything, if this will make it so Eli's not so over protective, then…he can smile at her one last smile, I guess.

* * *

We should know by now: there's no such thing as a quick stop at Leeann's. I needed to talk to her about Nuptials Day. I hoped it would be a quick conversation, but Chaz had been called in to work on an emergency, and Leeann was lonely. It took us a lot longer to get out of there than we expected.

We're halfway to the elevator when I realize what I've done. "I left my bag!" I groan.

Eli laughs at me and turns around back towards Leeann and Chaz's apartment. "Let's go get it!"

"Why don't you wait here?" I suggest.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Eli pretends to be hurt.

"No, I just know that since Chaz got called into work, if we both go, it will take us an extra 20 minutes to get out of there. If it's just one of us…"

"You're right." Eli leans in and kisses me. "Go. I'll wait here."

I kiss him back and turn the corner back to the apartment we just left. Part of me hopes we'll be assigned an apartment near Leeann and Chaz. Part of me hopes we won't. A little space between us might be nice.

"Looking for this?" Leeann meets me in the hallway, holding my bag.

"Yes."

"What did you do with my cousin?" Leeann looks behind me. "You left him behind so you could get away more quickly, didn't you?" She accuses me.

I shrug, not sure what to say.

"It's okay. I can understand you two wanting some time alone." She hands me the bag. "You know," she starts hesitantly, "when Nick and I made our lists of who Eli was allowed to date, we each made one separately and then compared them." She pauses for just a moment. "Your name was the first one on both of them."

I reach out and hug her.

"Take care of my cousin," she whispers to me.

I move away. "I will."

"I know you will. That's part of the reason you were the top of my list." I watch a tear spill from her eye. "Now get back to him."

I smile and head back to Eli. That was a lot faster than I expected.

I'm almost back to where Eli is waiting for me when I hear voices.

"So, tell me the truth. Why _are_ you marrying such a plain little thing?"

It's Marley.

"Because I found the right one."

Marley laughs. "Oh, come on. You can be honest with me. You always have been. You told me you didn't do serious. I've talked to Jude. You were honest with her too. You told her that you didn't want to date around, but you weren't getting married. Jude and I are nothing like her."

"Maybe that's part of the reason I'm marrying her." Eli sounds irritated.

"I know you, so I have a theory."

"What's your theory?"

I stop moving about two feet from the point in the hallway where I can be seen. I should keep going and let them know I'm here, but I can't seem to make my feet go any further.

"I've done some checking around. She's Leeann's friend. My theory is you're trying to protect her. She got caught, and you're helping her out."

My hand flies to my mouth, covering it so I don't say anything.

"Are you implying what I think you're implying?" Eli's voice is almost too soft for me to hear.

"If you think I'm implying that someone else got your fiancé pregnant and you're marrying her so the baby has a dad… yes, I am." Her voice is slightly defiant.

My legs buckle underneath me, and I slide down the wall until I'm crouching on the floor.

"If you ever…" Eli's voice does nothing to conceal his rage.

"Oh, come off it Eli." Marley's tone is flirtatious. "I know you wouldn't touch her. After all, you never were willing to do more than kiss at the Chasm with Jude or me, so it can't be yours."

"What makes you think she's pregnant?"

"You always swore you wouldn't get married."

"I changed my mind." Eli's voice is frim.

"Eli, there's not much that would make you change your mind on that. Leeann's friend being pregnant would be one of those things."

"She's not pregnant."

"Sure, she's not pregnant," Marley's voice drips with disbelief. "If she had an accident and lost that baby before Nuptials Day, I bet you'd dump her in a minute."

"Marley, I'm not going to keep repeating myself. She's _not_ pregnant. _She_ changed my mind." There's a slight pause, and then Eli adds, "and my life."

"_That_ little girl?!" Marley's bright laugh shatters me. "Come on Eli. Admit it now. When you're the father of a full grown preemie, no one is going to believe you."

"Why won't you listen to me on this?" Eli sounds frustrated. "I actually found someone I want to share my life with. Why can't you just believe that?"

"Because you've always gone out with the lookers. That mousy little thing is not a looker. She _not_ in the same class as Jude and me. There's nothing that makes her stand out, nothing that makes her pretty."

I feel the first tear escape from my eye. She's right, and I know she's right. I'm not pretty, but Eli doesn't seem be aware of that. Does she have to tell him and ruin everything?

"You're right. She's not pretty like you and Jude."

The next tear slips out followed quickly by another. Hearing him admit it is harder than I thought.

"She's _beautiful_, and unlike you and Jude, she's beautiful on the _inside_ as well as the _outside_." Eli's voice is in awe. "And somehow, I got lucky enough that she agreed to marry me. _There- is- no- baby_." Eli emphasizes each word. "Do you understand that? If you _ever_ say anything like that again, I will hurt you. She's off limits to your gossip. Do you I make myself clear?"

I warp my arms around my legs and bury my face in my knees.

"You really think you love her, don't you? I never thought I would see the great Eli actually in love with someone. And someone like… Imagine that." Marley's voice is puzzled. "But Eli, I can't let you marry her just because…"

He cuts her off. "I found someone worth loving. Stay away from us both, and keep your lies to yourself."

I hear footsteps, but it doesn't register that they are coming closer to me. I realize that I need to pull myself together before they do.

"Hana?"

I don't look up at the sound of Eli's voice. I don't want him to see me like this.

I sense him kneel down next to me. He smooths my hair. "What's…" There is a very short pause while he realizes what must have happened. "How long have you been sitting here?"

I can't answer.

He pulls me into his arms. "Hana, I don't know for sure what you heard, but… but I love _you_, Hana. _You_ are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out, and I swear if she spreads that rumor, I will ruin her."

"Eli, you should be with someone like…"

He suddenly but gently lifts my head, so I have to look at him. I close my eyes to avoid looking at him. "Hana, look at me." His voice is gentle.

I shake my head.

"Hana." His voice is sterner. "Look at me." There is something about his tone that I can't keep myself from obeying him.

My eyes flutter open.

"I should be with _you_. I love _you_. I don't care what Marley or anyone else has to say. I never even thought about getting married until I met you. _You_ are the only one I want. You, Hana." He kisses my tears.

My arms move on their own and wrap around his neck. I bury my face in his shoulder, my tears changing from resignation to relief.

I feel him rock me like a parent does to comfort a young child. "I love you, Hana, only you, and I always will."


	59. Chapter 59- Girl Talk

**Chaz- Leeann's husband, he works in maintenance**

**Taylor and Abram- Eli's parents**

**Marley- One of Eli's ex-girlfriends; she has threatened to spread a rumor that Eli's marrying Hana because she's pregnant**

**Abilyn and Bekah- two of Hana's roommates, they are also getting married this year**

**Kelly- One of Hana's roommates, she has a crush on Nick**

**Gayle- (Mentioned) Hana's older, married sister back in Abnegation**

**Wow! There are now over 300 reviews on this story! Thank you so much to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to read and reveiw Dauntless Gray! I wasn't sure when I started this if I could get 300 VIEWS let alone REVIEWS! You all are wonderful!**

**And speaking of wonderful, I can't forget the wonderful Bahrfamily who pushed me on this chapter... and was right, as usual.**

**59 Girl Talk**

When I open the door to the apartment, Eli waves a sheet of paper at me. "It's our turn for the housing list."

"Housing list?" I question him as he walks in, kissing my cheek as he walks past me.

He nods. After we sit down at the table, he explains, "In Dauntless, the list of available housing is created, and then they go to each couple with it, in the order they announced their engagement. We're one of the last ones. It's pretty picked over since we got engaged so late, but there are still some good apartments on it. I'm not waiting another year just to get a better apartment!"

I laugh and lean in to kiss him. "Good."

"I actually found the apartment I want. I can't imagine that you'll have a problem with it." Eli points to the one he likes.

I look at it, then look up at him. "That's four doors down from Leeann!"

"That's what I like about it." He looks at me, confused. "Why?"

"I'm not sure I want to be that close to Leeann," I confess.

"Why not?"

I take a deep breath. "I guess I'm afraid that she'll be there all time."

Eli smiles at me. "I'm sure she won't be there _all_ the time." He pulls me over from my seat so I'm sitting on his lap. "Occasionally, we'll go to their apartment."

I look at him, dumbstruck for a moment, and then I realize he's teasing. At least, I hope he's teasing...

"Hana, you know Leeann and Nick are important to me." His voice is unusually serious.

I nod. "And they're important to me, too. I just know I'm going to want some time with you. _Alone_." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in so I can kiss him.

I feel his lips stretch into a smile as my lips leave his. "Oh, don't worry; I'll make sure we have time alone. I don't plan on letting Nick move in on the couch or anything like that."

I shake my head at him. It doesn't help that I've had the thought that Nick sleeping on our couch could happen, at least occasionally.

I guess I'm okay with 'occasionally', especially if those occasions coincide with me working the last shift.

"Hana, I understand your concern about Leeann." Eli takes a deep breath. "I'll let you make the decision, but I really want this apartment…" Eli kisses my right cheek, "four…" he kisses my left cheek, "doors…" he kisses my forehead, "down…" he kisses the tip of my nose, "from…" he kisses the side of my neck, "Leeann." He leans in and kisses my mouth.

"You don't play fair," I tell him as I move my lips just a little away from him.

I feel Eli's lips stretch into a smile against mine. "Does that mean I get my apartment choice?"

I pull back and think about it. "Can we take a look at it before we decide?"

Eli smiles at me and kisses the tip of my nose. "I'll see what I can do about that after dinner, but I'm sure we can look at it first."

* * *

"Eli, can I borrow Hana for just a moment?" Taylor asks her son as we pass the table that she and Abram are seated at.

Eli pretends to think. I laugh and reach up on my tip-toes to kiss his jaw line. "Save me a seat at the table," I tell him as he reluctantly moves on.

"Abram, I'll be right back." Taylor links her arm in mine and leads me off to the hallway outside the cafeteria. She pulls me to a stop and takes a deep breath. "It's funny, when I talked to you at Chaz's surprise party, I found myself hoping this conversation would happen, but I didn't count on it." She tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Your mother talked to me at the last Visiting Day when you were off with your sister. She asked me if I knew if you were dating anyone." Taylor grins at me. "If I had known…"

I shrug. "I did tell Gayle, so she might know by now."

"And she would know he's my son?"

I nod. "That's part of what I told Gayle. I told her that since I was seeing Leeann's cousin, it made things a little complicated."

Taylor laughs. "Not telling anyone made things even _more_ complicated!"

I'm not quite sure what to say, because I can't deny what she said.

"She told me that she knew you didn't belong in Abnegation, so she had talked to you about everything she could think of before your Choosing Day. She asked me if I would fill in for her. So, Hana, I know I'm going to be your mother-in-law, but I also promised your mom I'd stand in for her. If you need or want her for anything, come see me. I'm here for that, too. I know it could be awkward in a way for you since you're marrying my son, but even if it is about…" Taylor pauses trying to choose her word wisely.

"The physical side of a marriage?" I supply for her.

Taylor nods.

"I was pretty young when everyone realized I wasn't going to be staying in Abnegation, so she talked to me, a lot, and one of the most important things I remember her telling me is that the person I need to talk to the most is my husband."

Taylor smiles at me. "Hana, if you and Eli can do that, and remember to do that about _everything_, and not just sex, you'll have one of the strongest marriages in Dauntless."

I follow my impulse and lean in and hug her. "Thank you."

Taylor hugs me back. "Hana, when I agreed to do that for your mom, it was the first time the thought popped into my mind that, from what I had seen, you and Eli would be good together, but I didn't dare hope. He was so set that he would never get married…" She lets go of me and brushes the tears from her eyes. "I'm glad you changed his mind."

* * *

Eli is saving my seat- guarding my seat- at the table. Marley sits on the chair next to mine. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I walk up to my seat. After what I overheard her say about me, if I never saw her again, I'd be okay with that.

"Well, I guess I better go." Marley stands up and I hear the faint clang of metal hitting the floor. "Drat." She bends down so Eli and anyone on that side of her can see part of the way down her shirt.

I look over at Eli, but his eyes are fixed on _me_ not her. I smile at him.

"There it is!" Marley stands back up, holding an intricate black metal "M" between her thumb and middle finger. Her eyes lock on Eli. "The darn thing just won't stay where it belongs."

Eli's look is hard. "Maybe you should just leave it off."

"It's very pretty," I tell Marley sincerely. "You should do something so you don't lose it."

Marley's eyes harden and lock on mine. "Don't worry, I don't lose much." Then suddenly her face and her voice turn smug. "If you like it so much, maybe you should get him to get you one, too."

I watch as she sashays away from us. I shake my head and turn to Eli.

"Hana, I…"

I do what he does so often to get me to stop talking: I place a finger on his lips. "She had it before you started dating Jude."

He nods.

"Let her keep it." I shrug. "I have you, and for the record, I don't want you to get me something that you got either her or Jude."

Eli grins and pulls me down onto my seat.

The problem is, I keep going down… all the way to the floor. I feel a hard jolt when I get there.

"Hana!" Eli stands up and helps me up. "Are you okay?"

I nod and rub my sore bottom. "That was unexpected."

"Hey, Chaz," Eli turns to Chaz, who is sitting across the table, next to Leeann, "when was the last time you guys checked these chairs?"

Chaz shakes his head. "Not recently enough, evidently. I'll add it to the to-do list."

* * *

The next day before I head to work, we get a chance to see the apartment that Eli wants to choose. The one that is four doors down from Leeann and Chaz.

It's laid out like Leeann's apartment. It smells a little musty, but it's clean. There's sunlight coming in from the windows. Looking out the window, I notice that there's not much of a view, but it's certainly better than the lack of windows where each of us currently lives.

Eli stands by the front door, letting me look around. It's not huge. The living room is a little larger than Eli's, but smaller than mine. The kitchen is what catches my eye. It's a little bit larger than where I live now. The kitchen table is large enough to seat eight, and there is a counter where a couple more people could sit.

There isn't much more. It doesn't take long for me to find myself standing in the doorway of the bedroom. I just stand in the doorway, looking in. For some reason with Eli here, there seems to be a barrier at the doorway that I just can't get myself to cross. The closet door is open, and from here it looks to be a good size. There are two dressers, but it's the last item in the room that I can't seem to take my eyes off of: the bed that's big enough for two. It's going to be our room and our bed, and I'm not afraid of that, but I'm not about to step any closer to temptation. Suddenly, I feel a set of arms around me.

Eli holds me tight against him. "Think we can be happy here?" he whispers in my ear.

I wrap my arms across my front and rub my hands up and down his arms. Suddenly, I realize that's what this is really about. It's not about how close we are to Leeann or how easy it will be for Nick to stop by. This is about Eli and me. Will we be happy here? I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck. "I can't imagine _not_ being happy with you, wherever we are." I lift myself on tip-toes, wrapping my arms around his neck, as he leans down and wraps his arms around my waist, and we kiss. Eli lifts me off my feet and holds me close.

"I told you they kiss!" Chaz's chuckle breaks through.

I hear the soft smack of someone hitting his arm. "Be nice!" Leeann hisses softly.

Eli quickly breaks the kiss and lowers me to the ground. He keeps his back turned to them so I can bury my embarrassed face in his chest.

"What are you doing in here?" he asks, slightly irritated.

"Well," Leeann's sunny voice starts, "the door was open, and I thought maybe the couple that was going to move in here was looking around. I knocked on the door and called in. No one responded, so we came in to check."

Chaz snorts. "You call out to me a lot louder than _that_ when you're mad."

I hear Leeann hit his shoulder again.

I'm still embarrassed, but I can't hide in Eli's chest forever, so I pull away. "You," I point to Eli, "no leaving the front door open! You," I move so I can see Leeann beyond Eli and point at her, "no walking in unannounced! You…" I point to Chaz.

Chaz looks at me and grins.

"I don't even know where to start with you right now."

We laugh together.

"So, does that mean I was right?" Leeann asks in a hopeful voice. "Are you the couple moving in?"

I look at Eli, not Leeann, when I answer. "Yes, you're looking at the couple that's moving in after Nuptials Day."

Leeann squeals as Eli picks me up in huge hug. As soon as my feet touch the ground, Leeann is hugging me. "This is wonderful! It's even better than I hoped for. I was so afraid someone else was going to get it before you two." She hugs Eli next.

"What about me?" Chaz asks.

"What about you?" Her hands are on her hips as she asks him. "You can get a hug at home!"

Chaz picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. "Then we're going home!"

Leeann waves to us as they disappear out the door.

"Are you sure about this?" Eli asks me as we walk back to the main room.

"I'm sure." I smile as he lifts me up and sets me on the countertop. I rest my arms around his neck. "I'm marrying you. She's part of the package."

Eli leans in close enough that our lips almost touch. "But you're marrying me for _me_, not just to pick up Leeann as a relative."

"I'm marrying you for you," I confirm as our lips meet again.

There's a quick knock. Eli groans and pulls away just enough that our foreheads touch, but our lips don't. "Leeann, this had _better_ be good!"

* * *

Eli is unknowingly bent on making it as hard for me to meet with Natalie as he made it before we started seeing each other. Jude's outburst in the cafeteria sent Eli back to trying to walk me everywhere in Dauntless. The differences this time is that he usually holds my hand, doesn't have Nick with him, and after Jude's apology he decided I don't have to have him with me during the day. He is, however, unwilling for me to be alone after dark.

It's a good thing that my schedule allows me to get away during the day right now. It takes me a couple of days to get things worked out so Natalie and I can meet, but I do manage to do it.

Natalie is stretched out on the bed, facing the door, when I open it. Her head is propped up on her hands, her legs bent at the knee with her ankles crossed. "Okay, so I'm guessing, if you're having problems getting here without Eli, that you told everyone you are dating, and Jude didn't take it so well," She observes as soon as the door closes behind me.

I can't keep from laughing as I walk to join her. "Close, but not _quite_ right."

"Oh?" Natalie's eye brows climb up. "Than what _did_ happen?"

"Not much," I try to sound casual. "He asked me to marry him!" I hold out my hand for her to see my ring.

Natalie jumps up off the bed. "Hana! That's wonderful!" She hugs me. "I told you things would work out!"

* * *

I realize the next day, when we all gather at the apartment, that I have the best friends in Dauntless. Abilyn and Bekah are getting married too, but both of them, plus Tori who's standing up with Abilyn, Kelly who is now standing up with Bekah, and Leeann who is standing up with me, have given up their evening to have a 'giant wedding planning bash', as Leeann calls it. Abilyn and Bekah are bringing the lists of what they already have done, and once I'm caught up, we're going to all move forward together.

"Okay, Dauntless Activity for after the wedding," Abilyn reads from the list in front of her.

"You'll want to figure that out before we go dress shopping," Leeann informs me. Dress shopping has its own night.

"I just don't see why they decided to take off zip lining," Abilyn pouts.

"You don't?" Leeann sounds slightly aggravated. "Abilyn, who manages zip lining?"

She shrugs. "Well, anytime I've done it, I've been with you, so Nick and Eli. But don't other people do it, too?"

Leeann laughs. "Aunt Taylor and Uncle Abram!"

"Really? That's it? What, do you have to be a Pedrad to do it?" Bekah laughs.

"Actually, yes." Leeann's voice holds a measure of pride. "The Pedrads originally set up the zip line. We've been the ones who have run it for generations. Eli's been teasing me that since I'm a Pedranov now I don't get to learn how to help."

"Okay," Abillyn smiles at me. "I guess I'm okay with no zip lining, but I'm expecting you and Eli to take us sometime soon to make up for it!"

* * *

"I think we have her just about caught up. Everything else on her list, except for dress shopping, she needs to check with Eli on." Leeann looks up from her list. "Thank you all for helping."

Tori smiles. "I'm still available if any of you want matching tattoos or piercings for Nuptials Day!"

Abilyn shakes her head at Tori. We've all already turned down her offer.

"Um, Hana," Leeann starts off, mumbling, "we were talking the other day, and we're kind of… well… um… we just want to make sure that… well, you _are_ from Abnegation and we just…" She bites her lip and looks over at Abilyn, Bekah, Kelly and Tori.

Bekah sighs with exasperation. "Leeann, I'm taking over. Hana, we're concerned and we want to make sure you know what to expect on your wedding night."

I hold back a laugh.

"We know you were in the health and biology classes, so we know you have the basics, but there's more to it than basics," Bekah starts.

"In Candor," Abilyn starts, "we believe that before you have sex with someone you need to be honest you need to tell each other if you're looking for a one night stand or a spouse, and then you should be honest about what feels good."

"Erudite believe that you should only have sex with someone that would complement your parenting style, who would be a good match to help you have intelligent offspring. And that you should make sure you know how to prevent pregnancy before you're ready and the best way to get pregnant if you are ready." Bekah states matter-of-factly.

"Here in Dauntless," Leeann speaks quietly, "we are taught to be brave enough to stand up for what you believe in. If you believe in waiting, you should be brave enough to wait and not worry about what anyone else thinks." Leeann shrugs. "At least, that's what Aunt Taylor drummed into us."

I smile. "In Abnegation we believe in being selfless."

"We know that," Tori says gently. "That's why we're a little concerned."

"Don't be." I look at each of them in turn. "We wait until after we're married because we believe that our bodies belong to our spouses, not to ourselves. That after you're married, if you are both selfless and make sure the other person is enjoying it, then you'll both enjoy it."

For a moment everyone is quiet. Then Leeann reaches over and hugs me. "I know you two will take care of each other."

"Okay, moving to a related topic: Family Planning." Bekah announces suddenly.

"I plan on having a family!" Abilyn calls out with a smile.

Nurse Bekah shakes her head. It's funny how you can see her change over to nurse mode so quickly. "When? Do we need to get you started on birth control?"

Abilyn shakes her head. "We don't plan on waiting."

"Hana, what about you?"

Leeann starts nodding her head. I see a little fear in her eyes.

"Eli and I need to talk about that one," I say slowly, sure that a blush is growing on my cheeks. It's not a topic that has come up with the two of us.

* * *

I bring my tablet when I meet with Natalie the following morning. Last time we met, she asked me to bring it with me this time because it needs to be updated.

"Jeanine spends a lot of time with Norton," I inform Natalie after she plugs my tablet into hers for the update.

"I know," she sighs heavily. "Right now they're just doing a lot of guessing about the Divergent. I have to keep an eye on things to make sure that doesn't change."

"Is there anything I should be doing besides recording those two?"

"When you have Factionless feeds, keep an eye on them."

"More than normal?"

Natalie sighs again. "Almost all of the Factionless that have been beaten up so far had abnormal simulations."

"Abnormal simulations?" I have a bad idea what that means.

"They are probably all Divergent."

We're both quiet for a minute.

"I have something for you," Natalie says softly and pulls three thin black bracelets out of her pocket. "My dad's mom gave these to me. They are one of the things I grabbed, the night I left." She fingers the inside of them. "Since I was placed in Dauntless, I was able to bring them with me." She hands them to me. "I know you're in Dauntless now, but I figured you would still like something to borrow on Nuptials Day."

I swallow hard and put them around my wrist for safe keeping. "Thank you."

Natalie nods. "Your welcome."

"So, how are your plans going for Nuptials Day?" I ask. I know there isn't much to prepare in Abnegation, but there are a few things she needs to do.

Natalie smiles. "I'm about done."

"Who's standing up with you?" I ask curiously.

"I have to be careful about getting close to people," Natalie starts softly. "I keep thinking of how you and I traded places."

I smile at her, thinking of Leeann, Nick, and Eli all mentioning that, too.

"I figure anyone you trusted would be good. I couldn't ask Gayle. No one would understand that."

I nod. She really has had no reason to get to know my sister.

"So I asked Grace."

I look at her, surprised.

"If you didn't have Gayle, you would have asked Grace, right?"

I think for just a second, and then agree with her. "I guess I would have. She's trustworthy," I assure Natalie.

Her tablet beeps. Natalie unplugs my tablet from hers and hands it back to me. "Okay, you should be updated now."


	60. Chapter 60- Accidents

**Gayle- (Mentioned) Hana's older sister who is still in Abnegation**

**Kelly- roommate and friend of Hana's**

**Bekah- roommate and friend of Hana's, also a Dauntless Nurse**

**Sultana- control room supervisor, also Amar's grandmother**

**Jude- Eli's out of control ex-girlfriend; she is currently engaged to Zane and in counseling for anger issues.**

**Thank you again for all the reviews! I am enjoying getting to know those of you who review better with each chapter! You are all awesome!**

**Huge, everlasting thanks to Bahrfamily who continues to put up with me and keep my writing in line!**

**If you are familiar with Allegiant (and I know not everyone likes the book so I don't expect everyone to remember it), you will recognize Natalie's email in this chapter. Although I created David's emails, Veronica Roth created Natalie's. I'm just borrowing it for this chapter…**

**60 Accidents**

The next night when I check for messages from Natalie, I pull up the unread message. As soon as I start reading it, I'm puzzled by what I find. The email wasn't sent to me from Natalie. It was sent _to_ Natalie.

_**Natalie,**_

_**What ON EARTH is going on there? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! Have you totally forgotten why you are on that side of the fence to begin with?! Zoe was looking over the list of couples planning on getting married this year. Whose name do you think we unexpectedly found on it?!**_

_**Has it slipped your mind as to why you are there? It must have! First, you decide not to go to Erudite and instead to go to Abnegation. Now you're marrying Andrew Prior! You are there to get a job accomplished! That job is NOT settling down with Mr. Abnegation and helping the Factionless.**_

_**You know, you're practically perfect. Why on Earth would you want to waste yourself on an Erudite who isn't even smart enough to stay in that faction? And when it's time for you to come back to us, what then? You HAVE to realize that someone as damaged as Andrew would never fit in here. Are you really willing to leave a family behind? You must realize that his family had the advantage of Edith to begin with, but nothing seems to have come from it!**_

_**Natalie, I overlooked you going to Abnegation, but THIS?! How am I supposed to overlook this? What are you thinking? How are you going to keep an eye on the Erudite and protect the Divergent once you are married? Have you lost sight of your mission? Your mission isn't to play house! You are there to protect the Divergent. We need them! Without them EVERYTHING is lost!**_

_**I expect to hear back from you SOON explaining this to me, or better yet, telling me this report is wrong and you aren't getting married.**_

The tone and the anger behind the message startle me. Who is David, and what right does he have to speak to Natalie this way?

I know I shouldn't keep reading, but I do. There is a response from Natalie.

_**Dear David,**_

_**I thought you were more my friend than my supervisor, but I guess I was wrong. What did you think would happen when I came in here, that I would live single and alone forever? That I wouldn't get attached to anyone? That I wouldn't make any of my own choices? I left **__**everything **__**behind to come in here when no one else wanted to. You should be thanking me instead of accusing me of losing sight of my mission. Let's get this straight: I'm not going to forget why I'm here just because I chose Abnegation and I'm going to get married. I deserve to have a life of my own. One that **__**I **__**choose, not one that you and the Bureau choose for me. You should know all about that—you should understand why this life would appeal to me after all I've seen and been through. Honestly, I don't really think you care that I didn't choose Erudite like I was supposed to. It sounds like you're actually just jealous. And if you want me to keep updating you, you'll apologize for doubting me. But if you don't, I won't send you any more updates, and I certainly won't leave the city to visit anymore. It's up to you.**_

—_**Natalie**_

There is one more message after this. It must be new enough that it showed as unread, and since I never get messages from anyone but Natalie, I didn't look before I opened it. The response seems to leap off the page at me.

_**Natalie,**_

_**I'm sorry. You're right. I was just shocked by what Zoe found. You do deserve to have your own life. I'm sorry I accused you of losing sight of your mission. I know you never would. I apologize for accusing you of that.**_

_**Can we meet? I feel like we need to talk in person, and clear the air about this. I'd just feel better if we had a chance to do that before you get married.**_

_**I need to meet with the four candidates to become new council members, so I can select two. I will work it out so that you can come with the delegates to that meeting. Unless I hear otherwise from you, I will expect to see you then. (And I DON'T expect to hear otherwise from you.)**_

_**David**_

I'm not sure what to do. Evidently Natalie and I accidently switched tablets when she was updating mine. David, whoever he is, seems to think he has the right to tell Natalie what she is and isn't going to do, and he doesn't want her to marry Andrew. I tap my fingers softly on the side of the tablet while I try to figure out what to do.

I'm not sure if her tablet works the same as mine, so I'm hesitant to send her a message. I'm not sure how David, or anyone else on the outside, would react to finding out I have it. For now, I stick the tablet in my bag. No one ever goes through it, and if Natalie can slip into Dauntless, hopefully we can find a way to switch them back.

* * *

I leave early for the Pit, hoping I'll find Natalie there. I'm supposed to meet Eli there when he gets off work today. We'll have dinner, and he'll walk me to work. I wish I believed it was just that he wants to spend time with me, but his protective streak is on over-drive after Jude's reaction to our engagement. Her apology didn't lower it nearly as much as I hoped it would.

By the railing, I notice a woman about Natalie's height. Her hair is neon green. It could definitely be one of Natalie's disguises. Before I get to her, she turns around. Natalie smiles and winks at me. Then she walks toward the hallway to her old room. I look around quickly to make sure Eli isn't early. I don't see him, but I do notice Tori standing by the doorway to the tattoo shop, and Marley standing by the Chasm, flirting with some random guy. The coast is clear, so I follow her down the pathway.

Natalie is standing by the open door and beckons me to follow her on in. We must be close enough together that I don't need to trigger the footage in the light again.

"I think you have something of mine," Natalie says softly after she closes the door.

I take the backpack off my back and open it up. "I was hoping I'd see you soon so I could give it back." I hand the tablet to her. A relieved look crosses her face. "I, um… I didn't realize I had the wrong one. It showed a new message. I thought it was from you…"

She nods. "I tried sending you a message. I figured out what had happened when it showed up in the inbox!"

"I read it. I'm sorry," I quickly confess.

Natalie bites her lip. "What was it?"

"It was part of a chain of emails between you and someone named David."

The worried look doesn't leave her face. "What was it about?"

"He's not happy that you're marrying Andrew," I tell her quickly. "He wants to meet with you to talk about it before Nuptials Day."

Natalie looks relieved, then aggravated. "Why can't he just let me live my life?"

"Who is he? Why does he think he has the right to tell you if you can get married or not?" I ask, puzzled.

Natalie flops on her chair. "He's my boss outside the fence. Eventually he'll be in charge of the whole division. He... he's the one who had them test me and found out that… that I am what I am. He took a special interest in me. I thought it was just because of what the tests found, but…" She lets her head fall back on the chair. "I've come to the conclusion that he thinks he's in love with me."

I smile at her. "He thinks?"

Natalie pulls her head up and looks back at me sternly. "He _thinks_," she responds firmly. "I've been gone for three years now. He doesn't even know who I _am_ any more. He's in love with the ideal, with what I represent to him, not with who I actually am. Not with _me_."

I find myself nodding in agreement. I can see why she feels that way.

She stands up. "I'll deal with him later. I need to get going. Andrew's supposed to be covering for me, but… he's not always the best at it."

"I'm supposed to meet Eli soon, too."

"Is Mr. Overprotective still at it?" She's trying not to laugh.

I nod. "I'm afraid so."

She hooks her tablet up and takes a look. "We're clear. We can leave together. I need to head the other direction."

We walk out the door and head the way we each need to go. I walk down the hallway, not really paying attention to anything, but thinking about what Natalie said. I can see why she feels that he can't be in love with her but only thinks he is. At the same time, I can see where…

Suddenly, I find myself falling through the air. I lie on the stone floor for a moment, wondering what just happened. I must have tripped on something. Slowly I sit up, checking to see if I hurt myself as I do. There are a few scrapes on my hands but that seems to be it. I look back at the floor and notice the floor is pretty uneven right behind me. I must have caught my foot on one of the rocks and fell. I brush my hands off and look at the scrapes again. They are pretty small. With any luck, Eli won't notice them at all.

* * *

"Want to see the sunrise?" Eli asks me hopefully, when he picks me up from work.

I smile, recognizing that it's his attempt to put some normalcy back into our relationship. We both enjoy holding hands, hugging, even kissing each other in public, but there is part of us that needs to be away from everyone, even if it is just for a short time. "Let's go."

He takes my hand and leads me away from the control room to the elevators. He takes me the same on the same path he took me after work on Visiting Day, the night I cried in his arms about Gayle's baby. It's a little longer, but definitely less used than the normal way. By the time we get to the top floor, we are alone in the elevator. We get off and climb the stairs together.

When we get there, Eli leads me over to the bench. "We have about an hour before sunrise, and Leeann tells me we have somethings to decide for Nuptials Day."

I know what it is that Leeann _wants_ us to discuss. She wants me to talk to Eli about kids. She hasn't come right out and said anything, but ever since she and Chaz had their fight about kids, she's been hinting around to me that the Pedrad line should just die off, that the three of them should be the last ones. I take a deep breath. "I didn't bring the list with me, but I remember we need to decide what our activity is going to be."

I chicken out. I'm like Chaz: I know I'll marry Eli even if he agrees with Leeann, but… we'll talk about kids another time. When I'm feeling braver.

"So, what do you think?" Eli whispers in my ear as he holds me close.

"I think it is beautiful," I answer as I watch the sun break across the horizon.

"I've never seen anything more beautiful." There is a touch of awe in Eli's voice.

I look up at him so I can see exactly where he is looking. It surprises me to see that he's not looking at the sunrise. He's looking at me. "Eli…"

He cuts off anything I was about to say with his lips on mine. They are soft and gentle, kissing me slowly but insistently, until we both pull away, breathless.

"We better head towards breakfast." Eli moves away from me.

I nod, unable to say anything yet.

"Elevator, or stairs?" he asks me.

"Stairs," I answer him as I find my voice again.

"Why the stairs?" he asks as he holds the door open for me.

I turn around. "I want to practice jumping over the handrail." I make the mistake of stepping backwards and turning around at the same time. My feet tangle up in each other.

"Hana!" I hear Eli yell my name as I lose my balance and start falling.

I can't get my footing back. The first thing I feel is the handrail in my back. Then as I'm thrown forward, it's the edge of a stair on my knee. From there, I lose track of exactly what I'm feeling and where, as the world tumbles past me until I reach the landing.

"Hana!" Eli's frantic footsteps pound on the stairs, as I lie there with my eyes closed, taking inventory of how I'm feeling. "Hana!"

"I'm alright." My voice is soft.

"Are you sure?" He kneels down next to me and helps me sit up.

"I'm sure." I look him in the eyes.

"What happened?" He looks concerned.

"My feet got tangled up when I turned around." I shrug. "I guess I shouldn't walk backwards near the stairs."

I try to hide how sore I am from Eli that night at dinner. Sleeping after falling down the stairs has left me stiff, but I really have no desire for Eli to realize that. He'd drag me to the infirmary if he knew. I sit down gently. Maybe I should talk to Bekah when he's not around, to see if I can get some pain killer from her.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Eli asks me when he joins me at the table.

"I'm fine." I try to smile at him.

"Hana." His voice is serious.

"I'm fine, really! Just a little sore," I admit.

"What happened?" Leeann asks.

"I fell down the stairs this morning." I shrug.

"What were you doing on the stairs?" she questions me.

"I was going to practice jumping over the railing," I admit sheepishly. "I'm not very good at it."

"Did you get hurt?" Kelly asks.

I shake my head no. "A few bumps and bruises. It's no big deal."

Eli looks at me sideways. "You got hurt. It _is_ a big deal."

* * *

"Here. This is for you." Bekah tries hard not to laugh as she hands me a vial.

"What's this?" I look up from my monitor at her.

"Pain reliever," she answers.

"Why are you giving this to me?" I know my back and right shoulder could use it, but she ate dinner with Conner and some of his friends tonight. How does she know?

"Eli tracked me down, after he dropped you off at work, and cornered me. He said you fell down the stairs and needed this." Her eyes twinkle.

"I was going to talk to you if I was still sore after my shift."

"Eli didn't want you to wait that long." She laughs and leaves the control room.

* * *

After Natalie asked me to keep an eye on the Factionless, I came up with the idea of offering to watch the Factionless feeds. It wasn't as hard to do as I thought it might be. All I had to do was talk to Sultana about how often she gets pulled away during the night, and how, with all the recent reports of the Factionless being beaten up, it might be a good idea to have someone else watch those feeds. She agreed that having someone else watch the Factionless was a good idea. Fortunately, I was her choice, as most observant on the shift, to watch them.

I keep an eye out for anything suspicious, but the Factionless feeds are different than the rest of them. At night there is little light and it and very hard to see.

Tonight I finally see it. A Factionless man in a black sweatshirt and blue jeans comes approaches a Factionless woman in a black and white skirt with red and yellow patches and an Abnegation over-shirt. The man comes up behind the woman and puts a choke hold on her. "Sultana!" I shout. "It's happening!"

"Which camera?" she asks as I work on pulling the feed.

I double check the number. "Fifty-four!" I call back.

The woman tries to fight back, but he lifts her up off her feet so she's hanging down. She tries kicking at him, but he dodges her. The man must be holding tighter, because suddenly she goes limp. He dumps her to the ground and kicks her, repeatedly.

I vaguely hear Sultana giving directions to someone about where to find them. Suddenly, the Factionless man takes off running, leaving the woman bleeding on the side of the road. "Come on, come on," I whisper urgently. Someone needs to get there to help her, soon. From the same direction the man ran off, I see someone in Dauntless Black running towards her. I look as closely as I can to see who is the first person on the scene. I recognize her…

It's Jude.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Eli has asked me this every time he's seen me in the four days since I fell down the stairs.

"Better. I'm not sore this morning."

"What time are you supposed to be at work?" He hasn't bothered to keep track of my schedule since or shifts are still pretty erratic, even though we're almost back to full staff.

"Two hours."

Eli smiles at me. "Are you up to trying to jump the landings after breakfast?"

I grin back. Part of me was expecting him to tell me I wasn't allowed to try it again. "Sounds great!"

"What sounds great?" Kelly asks as I sit down next to her with my tray.

"Eli's going to help me learn how to jump over the stairway rails," I announce.

Kelly leans in and whispers in my ear. "That could be dangerous! Are you sure he's going to let you do that? I mean, you could break a nail."

I glare at her as she laughs.

* * *

"Down is easier than up," Eli informs me in answer to my questioning look, as we step into the crowded elevator.

There are too many people to have a quiet conversation, so we stand there and listen to the conversations going on around us as we ride up. Eli has us get off at the top floor. His hand on the small of my back gently guides me to the stairwell.

"We'll start on this floor and go down until…" he stops and thinks for a minute, "until we decide to stop or until we reach the ground floor."

"What do I do?" I ask him. I watched someone jump during the mad rush to the trains on Choosing Day. After almost falling and being trampled, I've never tried it again.

His brow puckers as he thinks. "I've never taught anyone before. Why don't you go down to the landing and watch me do it from there. Then you try to do what I do, and I'll watch you jump the next one."

I walk down to the landing and position myself so I can see what he does from there.

He walks down the stairs until he's two from the bottom. "I want you to run down them. Get some momentum." He grabs the rail with both hands, bends his knees, pushes off and rotates his hips at the same time. He clears the railing with a good six inches to spare. I start at the top of the next landing and run down the steps. When I'm two steps from the landing, I place both hands on the rail, bend my knees, and push up.

I have the sensation of falling. It's not as far as last time, when I fell down an entire flight of stairs, but it jars me more, since I was pushing down on the rail when it gave way. I feel a sharp twist on my left wrist and then the sharp edge of the stair on my back. My head hits the stair with slightly less force than it hit the rock wall when Jude slammed me against it.

I sure hope I don't have another concussion!

**I realize that people write on Fanfiction for a variety of reasons. Some write because they don't want the story to be over. Some write because they don't like how the story ended. Some write for fun. Some write to become a better author.**

**That last one is me… I don't want to play around with someone else's characters and world forever…**

**So, if you have a chance, before I start publishing "The Blackest Shade of Gray" I would appreciate your CONSTRUCTIVE feedback on what you feel I need to work on in the next book. What do I need to work on to become a better writer? **

**Leave a review, or PM, either one, what you think I should work on. Thank you.**


	61. Chapter 61- Paranoid

**Bekah- One of Hana's roommates, works as a nurse in the infirmary**

**Abilyn and Kelly- Hana's other two roommates**

**Chaz- (Mentioned) Leeann's husband, works in maintenance**

**Marley and Jude- (Mentioned) Eli's ex-girlfriends**

**Sultana- Control room supervisor, mother of Rais (Eli's good friend), and grandmother of Amar**

**Carly- Co-worker and friend of Hana's, Gus's mother**

**Jazz and Rais- friends of Eli, Jazz was one of Hana's trainers, they are Amar's parents**

**Micah- Carly's husband and Gus's father**

**To the Guest review who asked if Jude pushed Hana into the wall...no, the handrail gave way when she was pushing on it and trying to jump over the railing. The mention of Jude at the end is Hana thinking back to the last time she hit her head hard against something. That occurred when Jude slammed her head against the wall in Chapter 31 Realization**

**For those of you questioning WHY Hana is suddenly interested in learning to jump over the rail, (because I've gotten a couple of questions about that) she and Eli are about to get married, and that's how they "met". Just chalk it up to reminiscing...**

**Sooo... you all owe Bahrfamily, Beta Reader extraordinaire, for this super long chapter. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say she sent it back to me 4 times before she would even edit it! Don't tell her I said this, but this chapter is A LOT better than the one I sent her the first time! ;-) Trust me when I say she always has YOUR best interest at heart! (Thank you, Bahrfamily!) (Because I know that even though I wrote the author's note after your last edit, you will still come in behind me and check it and edit it if it needs to be!)**

**61 Paranoid**

"Eli, put me down! I'm fine," I protest from Eli's arms. I'm not sure why I'm still bothering to tell him that. He's been carrying me ever since the stairwell railing gave way when I was trying to jump it.

"You may have broken your ankle. You're not putting any weight on it until you've had it checked." Eli tries to sound reasonable.

"But my ankle doesn't hurt!" I tell him for the millionth time, as he ignores me and carries me onward. "It's my wrist that hurts! I can walk even if my wrist hurts!"

Eli gives me a look, but says nothing. I can tell his mind is made up, and no matter what I say or do, I'm not leaving his arms until he has me in front of a nurse. I'm not sure if I'm hoping that Bekah is there, or dreading the possibility that Bekah is there. Eli's over-protective streak has become something of a joke in our apartment.

I try to settle in and enjoy having his arms around me, and I think I would, if he were just carrying me and not seeing me as injured. If he were just holding me, I'd wrap my right arm, the one that doesn't hurt, tighter around his neck and pull my face into it so I could kiss that spot he likes, right where his shoulder and neck meet. But I'm _not_ rewarding him for this behavior, so my arm doesn't pull me any closer to temptation.

"What's wrong?" Bekah stands up, worried, from her position at the front desk. Great. I just decided: I wish she was off.

"Hana was jumping over a flight of stairs and the handrail gave way," Eli informs her. "I think she may have hurt her ankle."

"Wrist!" I correct him yet again. "My ankle doesn't hurt, my wrist does!"

"Let's check her out." Bekah motions for Eli to follow her into one of the exam rooms. He finally sets me down on the exam table. Bekah looks at Eli and then at me. If she's smart, she's going to start talking to me, not Eli. "What hurts the most?" She keeps her eyes trained on me.

"Her ankle," Eli replies.

Bekah looks at me and realizes I'm cradling my left wrist. She doesn't check my ankle, but gently reaches out and takes my left wrist, her right arm underneath it, supporting it. Her left hand gently starts touching the fingers of my left hand and works its way back. Just before she gets to my wrist bones, I let out a low whimper of pain and my arm jerks ever so slightly, reflexively. "Sorry." Her voice is soft, but she keeps working her way up to my elbow. "I think it's just a sprain, but we need to get your wrist x-rayed to be on the safe side."

"Are you going to check her ankle?" Eli demands.

"Hana?" Bekah's questioning manner seems to be asking me if she needs to check my ankle.

I slide off the table and stand on both feet, cradling my left arm again. "Where is the x-ray machine?"

"Hana!" Eli's voice is horrified.

I take four steps toward him without the slightest twinge on either ankle. "Eli, I told you, both of my ankles are fine. It's my wrist that hurts."

Eli looks at me, dumbfounded. "When did you say that?"

* * *

Abilyn sits on the counter and watches me put the ice pack from my sprained wrist back in the freezer. "So, he seriously carried Hana down a flight of stairs, to the elevator, and all the way to the infirmary, for a sprained wrist?"

Bekah laughs as she nods. Abilyn and Kelly join in too.

"It's not funny!" I inform them. "It's not funny at all!"

"Oh, come on, Hana, if it was someone else, you'd admit it's just a little funny," Bekah says when she stops laughing.

"No, it's not!" I insist. "He's driving me batty again!"

"Again?" Abilyn asks.

I nod. "He drove me batty back before we started dating, when he wouldn't let me go anywhere because of Jude."

Kelly is thoughtful for a moment. "That really should have been our first clue."

"What should have been our first clue?" Abilyn grabs an apple and takes a bite of it.

"Eli being _so _protective of Hana," Kelly states matter-of-factly.

"Leeann said he was always over-protective of her and her friends," Abilyn responds after she swallows.

"True," Kelly agrees with a grin, "but he never made Nick walk the rest of us places."

* * *

"What do you think you're doing?" I ask Eli when I open the door.

Eli's holding a bag and his pillow. "I'm moving onto your couch."

I know I'm too small to really stop him, but I plant both feet in the doorway and hold my arms out so they stretch from one side of the doorway to the other. "No, you're not."

"Hana." His voice is firm. "I can't protect you if I'm not here."

"I don't need to be protected. I've had a couple of accidents." I shrug. "You can't protect me from being clumsy or stair rails breaking, or…"

"I don't believe they are accidents." Eli looks seriously at me. "Are you going to move out of my way?"

"No, because you aren't moving in here. Take your stuff back to your apartment."

"Hana, who is it?" Bekah comes up behind me. "Eli! What's up?"

"I'm moving in, temporarily." His voice is determined.

"No, he's not." My voice is equally determined.

"Okay, what's going on here?" Bekah asks cautiously.

"Hana's had one too many accidents," Eli tells her. "Until we figure out what is going on, I'm not letting her out of my sight."

"You can't follow me everywhere. You have to go to work. I have to go to work." I try to be reasonable.

"I can walk you to and from work. I've done it before." _He's_ not going to be reasonable.

"Um…" Bekah looks past Eli, "Hana, why don't you let him in and we can discuss this inside?"

I look over my shoulder at her, perplexed that she's even _thinking_ of letting him in.

Bekah gently nods at the doorway. I finally look past Eli into the hallway. There are a few people loitering in the hallway, trying to see what is going on.

"He's _not_ coming in here." I sigh. "Let's go to Leeann's."

* * *

"What is going on?" Leeann asks warily, eyeing the two of us as she lets us into her apartment.

"It's your turn to play referee," I say as I brush past her.

She looks at me, puzzled.

"_Your_ cousin," I am _not_ claiming him right now, "is being unreasonable."

"Someone's trying to hurt her." Eli follows me, dropping his bag and pillow by the door. He still has them, since I wouldn't let him leave them at the apartment.

"Argh!" My frustration slips out. "I've had a couple of accidents. _Who_ do you think is after me?"

Eli sits in the recliner. He rubs his temples with both hands. The fact that he doesn't answer me makes me think he does have someone in mind.

"Who, Eli?!" I demand, still standing. It makes me feel more in control to be taller than him right now.

Leeann wordlessly sits down on the chair opposite Eli.

"Marley," he quietly mumbles, "or Jude."

"Marley?" Leeann questions, obviously puzzled. "Jude I can understand, especially after her outburst in the cafeteria, but _Marley_?"

"She had quite a tirade about Hana when I ran into her after we got engaged."

"And you staying at the apartment is going to play into her saying I'm pregnant!" I drop down onto the couch.

"What?!" Leeann exclaims.

Eli takes a deep breath. "Marley said that the only reason I'm marrying Hana is because she's pregnant."

Leeann bursts out in laughter.

Eli glares at her.

"Oh, come on!" Leeann takes a deep breath to stem her giggles. "No one who knows the two of you would _ever_ believe that Hana's pregnant. I mean, the biggest question- well, until Chaz and I walked in on the two of you at the apartment- was whether you two had ever even kissed each other on the lips! Even if the rumor queen does decide to start that one on her grapevine, _no one_ would actually believe it!"

"Think about the accidents Hana's had," Eli says stiffly.

Leeann tilts her head and looks at him thoughtfully. "I don't get it. You're going to have to explain."

Eli sighs loudly. "Everything that's happened to Hana has been abrupt, hard, almost violent," Elis swallows hard, "like someone's trying to cause a miscarriage."

I sigh with exasperation. "A chair fell apart when I sat on it." I purposely leave out tripping over my feet in the empty hallway. Eli doesn't know about that, and I'm not about to give him more ammunition. "I tripped down a flight of stairs. A railing broke when I was trying to jump it. Accidents. That's _all_ they have been: _accidents_."

"If Hana were pregnant," Leeann turns to me, "and I know you're not, but if you were... Why would Marley be trying to cause a miscarriage? She wouldn't be right about Hana being pregnant, if she did cause a miscarriage."

"She said if Hana lost the baby, I'd dump her," he mutters.

Leeann presses her lips together in a thoughtful line. "Hana's not going to let you stay on the couch, and I don't blame her."

I smile in relief. I was certain she would take his side.

Eli starts to say something, but Leeann cuts him off. "And I agree with her. If it is Marley, you'd just be giving her fuel. So, you can't stay on her couch."

Eli doesn't respond to that. "And if it's Jude?" he finally asks.

"Why do you think it might be Jude?" I retort.

Eli looks at me like I'm crazy for asking that. "She told me she'd break up with Zane if I changed my mind, remember?"

"That was before we even got engaged! She's marrying Zane. Yes, she reacted badly to our news, but she's seeing a counselor in Amity now. She even apologized for her outburst in the cafeteria. She promised she'd stay away from us," I remind him.

"And you trust her on that? _Any_ of it?" he questions me.

I don't know if I trust her or not, so I don't answer Eli's question. "You thought she was going to try to hurt me before, when you broke up with her, and she didn't. So I ask you, why would it be any different this time? You were paranoid before, and you're being paranoid again!"

"This time, I'm _not_ being paranoid! You've gotten hurt!" He points to my left wrist, which is still bandaged.

Leeann takes a deep breath. "I agree with Hana, you can't stay on her couch. If something is really happening, and it's Marley, it will make things worse."

I smile.

"But," Leeann turns on me, "I agree with Eli, you have gotten hurt this time, and if it's Jude, you can't stay at the apartment."

Eli flashes a victorious grin at me.

"And if you're _both_ just being paranoid, and it's just a series of accidents?" I question.

"Then we've overreacted, but you're still safe," Leeann responds reasonably.

"So, what do you propose?" Eli asks her.

"Hana can stay here with Chaz and me," Leeann responds.

"No," Eli speaks up. "You don't have an extra bed."

"Chaz can sleep on the couch."

"Chaz isn't sleeping on the couch," I speak up. "If anyone sleeps on the couch, it will be me."

"How is that protecting you?" Eli asks.

I groan. "Then let me stay in my own room with my roommates! There are four of us there!"

"And you're all girls," Eli says firmly.

"And both of the people you think are after me are girls, too," I throw back at him.

"What if you stay at Aunt Taylor's and Uncle Abram's?" Leeann quickly suggests. "I'm sure they'd let you stay in my old room."

* * *

Leeann is right. Taylor and Abram are thrilled with the idea of me staying with them. As far as they are concerned, I can stay there until the wedding. I hate feeling like I'm putting them out, but in one day, they have already managed to make me feel like I'm part of the family, so I'm not putting them out. And it's fun to be part of a family again.

The only problem with the arrangement is that Eli still insists on walking me from his parents' apartment to the control room. The upside to this is that Taylor has informed me that she will tell a funny or embarrassing story on Eli each time he comes to pick me up. It's her way of agreeing with me that he is being a bit over-protective, and hearing stories about Eli growing up will be fun. I quickly realize the advantage of being a transfer is that he'll _never _have enough time with my family to get all those stories about me out of them. However, I _am_ complaining about Eli continuously hovering over me. It has gone from sweet to annoying, quickly. Does he really think I need a guard to go everywhere with me?

"See you after work." Eli leans in and kisses my cheek when he drops me off at the Control Room.

"I can walk from the control room to the cafeteria for breakfast by myself." I try to make my voice sound teasing.

Eli cups his hand around my cheek. "Is there something wrong with me wanting to spend time with you?"

I shake my head and then lean into his hand. "No, not if that's why you're doing it."

I hear and feel his sigh on my cheek. "Hana, with everything that has gone on in the last couple of weeks, I just need to know you're safe, okay? Can you just humor me until we figure out what is going on here?"

I put my arms around him and draw us together. "Okay."

He bends down while I stand on my tip toes for a quick kiss.

"I'm still getting used to this." I hear a smile in Sultana's voice.

I automatically start to pull away from Eli and turn towards her. Eli gives me just enough space to be able to turn around and face her, but then he draws me back in and holds me tight against his chest. "And what exactly are you getting used to?" Eli asks her, with his chin on the top of my head.

"The idea that you are dating someone I _like_, let alone getting married to her!"

Eli kisses the top of my head. "Get used to it, Sultana. It's going to happen."

"Oh, I can see that." She smiles back at him. "I always figured it would take someone special to make you settle down." She turns her smile to me. "I was right."

Eli's laugh rumbles through his chest. "Yes, you were right, as usual."

"But now it's my turn with her. She does have work to do."

"Maybe I could just sit with her?" Eli's voice is teasing, but I'm not sure _he_ is.

"No." Sultana takes my arm from Eli and leads me into the control room. "Then she wouldn't get anything done."

I listen to Eli's laugh as I walk into the room. "Thank you," I whisper to her once we are in the control room.

"For what?" Sultana asks.

"For not letting him stay," I answer.

"Trouble in paradise?" Sultana watches me as she asks.

I shake my head. "Sort of. Maybe. I've had a couple of odd accidents in the last couple weeks." I hold up my wrapped wrist. "He's hardly letting me out of his sight."

"Over-reacting?"

"He doesn't think so," I shake my head, "but I sure do."

* * *

I laugh to myself at the sight of the sandwich sitting at my monitor. Angie was teasing me at dinner yesterday about how much I must miss seeing her drop off food at work, now that the control room is fully staffed again.

I responded back that I wasn't missing her, since I see her in the cafeteria, but I _was_ having withdrawals from the sandwiches, which, by and large, I complained about. She must have had some spare time to put one together for me. I sit down and mess with everything while I put the recording drive in. I'm ready, just in case I have Erudite tonight, so I can record any interactions I may see with Norton and Jeanine. Although, this late at night, there generally aren't any.

They still haven't caught the person beating up the Factionless, so I continue to watch that section at night. I'm really hoping tonight it another night of nothing.

I look at the sandwich and decide to take a bite. The taste is a little off, but it's actually decent. I lift the top piece of bread and see the difference. It has a new spread on top of it. I must have complained enough that I don't like mayonnaise or mustard, that she must be trying a different kind on me. This one has a distinctively green tint to it; I wonder what it is. I replace the top piece of bread and take another bite. I didn't realize I was quite so hungry. I may have to try to talk Angie into leaving me a sandwich more often when I work overnight, since I don't see her being nearly so willing to leave me Dauntless cake.

* * *

I look around, trying to decide who is humming. I don't recognize the tune, but there isn't much music in Abnegation so there's not much I would recognize. I let out a little giggle. I'm the one humming! Why am I humming? Oh, yeah, that's right… I'm going to see Eli after work tonight. I hug myself tightly, wincing a little when I hit my left wrist just wrong.

I look up from my screen for just a minute and see the Factionless cleaner for the night. It must be later than I thought. Only and two hours left until I see Eli again and his parents! I smile. Although, it suddenly occurs to me, I'm supposed to be mad at him. I laugh at the thought, why on Earth would I be mad at Eli? I know we're fighting about something. What is serious enough that I would fight with Eli about?

The Factionless man- at least, I think he's a man, it's hard to tell sometimes- is wearing a black hoodie pulled up over his head with yellow thread repairing a tear, and blue jeans; he pours some of his cleaner between my workstation and Conner's. "Are you going to wipe that up?" My voice sounds a little like Jazz's. Being in love must be what a lilt to my voice.

"It needs to soak in a little. There's a stain there." It's not exactly a man's voice. It sounds like they are trying to disguise their voice, but still…I know that voice. I wonder who I know that's Factionless now…

I spend a minute trying to place it, but then I see Zane on the camera on Patrol. I kind of feel bad for Zane. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but he's marrying Jude. So, is he really a nice guy? I laugh when it dawns on me that Eli dated her too, and he's a nice guy, so… But what I really feel bad for Zane about is the way Jude reacted, in front of him, when Eli announced he was marrying me.

"Hana? Hana?"

I turn to Sultana. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

I spin my chair around to face her. It makes three rotations before it stops. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I've never heard you hum before." She smiles at me.

"I know, but it's kind of fun." I laugh out loud. "I don't know why I've never tried it before!" I spin in my chair again then stop, facing the monitor again.

Carly laughs. "Hana's in _love_…" Her voice has a sing-song quality it when she says love. How long have she and Micah been married? I realize I don't know, but probably close to the same amount of time as Jazz and Rais. I hope Eli and I are still that happy after we've been married that long. I laugh again. Of course we will be. I can't imagine _not _being happy with Eli.

I wonder where the factionless cleaner is. Maybe they know Jude's dad. I look around. They are nowhere to be found. Time is passing really fast tonight. I raise my seat up as far as it will go and swing my legs back and forth, like a small child on a tall chair. Usually there are two people who clean and it seems to take them longer than this.

Jude, Jude, why am I thinking about Jude? I hope the counselor in Amity is doing her some good. No one should go through life being as mad as she is. I don't see how having your dad become factionless can make you so bitter. It didn't make Leeann bitter. I wonder what the difference is…

I let the seat down. It falls fast and gives me a slight jar at the end. I giggle.

"Hana… _Hana_?" I hear Carly laugh. "Sultana! I've never seen her so distracted before! She must have Eli on the brain!"

A small orange and red flicker catches my attention. It's a tiny Dauntless Flame! How cute! I watch it waiver back and forth. It grows a little bit, and winkles some more. I try to watch the monitor, but the flickering flame mesmerizes me, and I keep looking back at it.

Suddenly, with a loud whooshing sound, it grows. It's not tiny or cute any more. Now instead of hypnotized by it, I'm paralyzed by it.

"_Hana_!" Carly's screech breaks through the haze. The melody is gone from her voice. I wonder why? I turn to her.

But she's not at her desk. I spin around, trying to find her, and suddenly plant my feet, the chair jerking to a stop. She's standing at the door with Sultana. There are flames between them and me.

"Get out of there!" Sultana yells.

I stand up, heading to the one clear pathway to the door, two feet in front of me, when the flames suddenly shoot across my path. I'm blocked in. I can feel the heat on my face. I throw my arms up in front of me in an attempt to protect myself. My legs automatically take me backwards, trying to carry me away from the heat. I'm backed up against the wall before I realize it.

The smoke is becoming thicker, harder to breathe. I cough. There has to be a way out of here. My head twists around while my eyes search frantically. There is no way out. I have the windowless wall behind me and fire on my right and in front of me.

A spasm of coughing takes my breath away, and taking deep breaths doesn't help, because the air itself has become thick with smoke.

It's becoming hard to see through the smoke, especially with the way my eyes are watering. I slide down the wall into a crouching position. It's cooler and easier to breathe down here.

For a moment, I wonder if I am in one of the new simulations. Fire has always been a fear of mine. Did I get pulled for a simulation? Do I not remember that they injected me with Jeanine's fear serum again? Natalie told me she's getting closer to developing something that Dauntless will use, and that she's likely to test it on my class to see if there are any changes with it.

No, this isn't a simulation. Natalie and I have discussed it before. Nothing in my records shows that I could be Divergent. From my aptitude test to the fear simulation Jeanine gave us, I have never had a moment where I knew it wasn't real. The fact that I'm wondering if it is a simulation proves that it _is_ real.

The fire burns closer and hotter. Real tears mix in with the tears produced from the smoke. I don't want to die. I use my sleeve to clear my vision from all the tears. Eli. Where is Eli? Why didn't I take him seriously? I have to get back to Eli. I need to tell that him I'm sorry for being mad at him for trying to take care of me, that I love him.

"Hana! Hana!" I hear his voice, franticly yelling my name. I want to yell back to him, but I'm afraid I'll find out it's just my imagination, that I just want Eli here so badly that I'm hearing things. I'm also afraid to take a deep breath. Shallow breaths seem to be easier to take. "Hana! Hana!"

Suddenly I feel something cool and wet on my face. I look up; the sprinklers have started working. Water flows down on me and the flames. I look over at where the wall of flames has been. I start to crawl towards it, praying that the water will put it out. "Hana!" His voice is right in front of me. It _really_ is Eli. He's here! "Put your arms around me, Hana. I'm getting you out of here." I can just make him out through the haze from the smoke. I put my arms around him as he lifts me up. "It's okay, Hana. I've got you." I close my eyes with relief.

Eli carries me out into the hallway and holds me close. Outside the room, I take deep breaths of fresh air. I can stand, I'm sure I can stand on my own, or sit on the floor at least, so he wouldn't have to hold me, but unlike when the stairway rail gave way, I don't want him to put me down this time. Right now, I just want him to hold me close. "I'm taking her to the infirmary," Eli informs someone.

"No!" It's Sultana. "They told us to stay here. They are sending someone from the infirmary here. They've already called in a doctor from Erudite in case they are needed. If you take her now, you could miss the nurse coming up, and it would just take longer."

Eli shifts me. "Am I getting too heavy?" I croak, and then cough.

"Shh." He kisses my forehead. "Right now I think I could hold you forever, just so I know you're safe."

"How did you know?" My voice is husky.

"We were all in Mom's and Dad's apartment when Chaz got the call that there was a fire and the sprinklers hadn't come on. He headed to the control box for them. I headed here." There is a pause, and then Eli continues, "What happened in there?"

"I froze."

"Why?" If it's possible, Eli's grip tightens even more around me.

"I'm afraid of fire," I answer softly.

"But there has been something off about her all night," Sultana breaks in softly.

I lift my head and look at her oddly.

"Hana, you haven't acted like yourself all night," Carly adds from somewhere nearby.

"I was just in a good mood."

"It's more than just a good mood."

"What happened?" The sound of wheels and running fill the hallway and suddenly Bekah's voice calls out. "Who's the worst?"

Eli, Carly, and Sultana all answer together. "Hana."

* * *

Bekah puts me on oxygen, a mask I wear and a bottle that I hold, while Eli carries me all the way to the infirmary. I know this time, no one in the apartment will laugh or joke about his over-protective streak. When we get there, the waiting room is already full. Micah is there, with Gus wrapped up in a blanket, sound asleep. Of course the Pedrads including Leeann, are there. Leeann is clutching Nick's hand since Chaz isn't here yet. Taylor and Abram stand by Rais. Jazz is seated, holding a tearful Amar.

"Gam-ma!" Amar holds out his arms to Sultana.

"What is he doing up?" Sultana asks as she takes her grandson from Jazz.

"He woke up screaming about an hour ago. Bekah thinks he has an ear infection. She got the call about the fire in the control room while she was looking at him," Jazz answers softly. "Is everyone okay?"

Sultana nods. "Carly and I got out pretty quick, but Hana…" she looks over at me, still in Eli's arms, "Hana was in her own world tonight. She was humming and spinning in her chair and just generally acting odd."

Carly snorts. "I wouldn't call it odd. I'd call it goofy!"

Bekah comes in about then and takes charge of the situation. "Eli, take Hana to the first exam room." She turns to Leeann, who gets up to follow. "Eli can stay with her. The rest of you need to wait out here until the doctor sees her." Eli carries me toward the room.

Leeann starts to protest, but Taylor clears her throat and Leeann stays silent.

"Sultana, you and Amar take the next one. I'll check you out and finish looking at his ears. Jazz and Rais, you can go with them. I'll decide if the doctor needs to see either of them. Carly…"

I don't hear the rest of her commands, but I smile. Bekah really is the perfect nurse. Her voice can be soft and soothing, but when things need to get done, she's not afraid to take control.

* * *

Bekah decides I'm the only one the doctor needs to see. He decides I need to be on oxygen for the next 12 hours at least. Then the respiratory therapist will come by and re-evaluate me. I'm allowed to have one person, besides Eli, come and see me. It rotates through the family, starting with a tearful Leeann who informs me that I am _never_ allowed to scare her that much again. Eli gives a small smile and shakes his head indulgently. The parade ends with a somber-faced Chaz, who unexpectedly breaks the rules and brings not Leeann, but Rais and Jazz with him.

I look just beyond them at the door to see if Bekah is following them to kick the two extra people out. I don't see her but I realize Nick is now standing by the door. He looks like he did the day he blocked his father from seeing Leeann. It's like he's guarding the door, his arms crossed menacingly across his chest.

"What's wrong?" Eli's eyes flick to each of them.

"How is she?" Jazz asks in her soft, soothing voice.

"She's going to be okay. She inhaled a lot of smoke, but she didn't get burned. Chaz got to the sprinklers and put out the fire just in time." Eli looks seriously at Chaz. "I owe you."

Chaz shakes his head. "We can call it even. Between you and Hana, you've helped Leeann and me more times than I can count."

Jazz sits in the chair on the other side of me. "I know this isn't the best time, but… we need to talk."

"We've started putting somethings together," Chaz starts. "It doesn't look good."

"What do you mean?" Eli is sitting on the edge of the bed with his arm around me and I am propped up against his chest. The doctor didn't try to move him. In fact, he told Eli that keeping me propped up was good.

"I did some looking into Hana's accidents," Chaz goes on. "Starting with the chair in the cafeteria. They haven't put the chair back together yet."

"Why not?" Eli asks.

"It is missing all the screws. They swept the whole floor looking for them. They weren't in the cafeteria. It's like someone took them. At the top of the staircase where Hana fell, I found this." He holds up some black thread. I can see where it broke in the center. "And this." He holds up a small charm like the type on a charm bracelet. I've seen it before, it's an "M" for…

"Marley." Eli's voice is tight.

Chaz clears his voice. "That's not all."

"What else?"

Chaz hands him two screws. I can just see them in Eli's hand, but even from this distance, I can see they've been cut. "From the railing."

"And the fire?" Eli says slowly.

Chaz takes a deep breath. "Someone had disabled the smoke detector. That's why the sprinklers didn't come on, and when I got to the manual valve, someone had jammed it. It took me longer than it should have, to get it working."

"My turn," Jazz says unexpectedly. "Hana, I need to ask you some questions. Do you feel up to answering them?"

I nod. Even if I didn't feel like it, I'd be saying yes. It looks like Eli's right, and I'm starting to get scared.

Bekah comes in with a vial. "This is too many people. She's only allowed two visitors at a time. She needs to rest," she reminds us.

"Please." "There's a weird echo in the plastic mask that I wear for the oxygen the doctor ordered. "We need to figure out what is going on," I tell her, trying hard not to cough.

She looks at me. "If you get winded, or start coughing, you'll stop talking?"

I nod.

She looks at the serious faces and sighs. "Hana, drink this." She hands me the vial. Eli moves the mask for me and I swallow it obediently. "You have about ten minutes. Then Hana will be asleep, and _all _of you need to leave and let her sleep." Bekah looks directly at Eli. "All includes you. You can stand guard outside the door with Nick, but she needs to rest."

"If that's what's best for Hana," Eli agrees.

"It is," Bekah states firmly and walks out.

"Hana, Carly and Sultana said you were acting funny," Jazz starts. "They said you were humming, and giggling, and spinning around in your chair. Do you remember any of that?"

I nod.

"Why were you doing it?"

"I was happy."

"Why were you so happy?"

That strikes me as an odd question. "The night had gone faster than I thought. I was going to see Eli in less than two hours."

Eli gives me an odd look. "Why did you think you were going to see me in less than two hours?"

"They were cleaning the control room. They do that about two hours before the end of the overnight shift."

"Hana, are you sure about that?"

I nod.

"Hana, the fire occurred two hours into your shift," Eli tells me.

"No, they were cleaning. There were only two hours left in my shift."

Eli start to say something, but Jazz stops him. "We don't have much time before she falls asleep. I need to talk to her to check my theory."

He nods and she turns back to me.

"Hana, did you eat anything unusual today?"

I think for a minute. "Just the sandwich Angie left me."

"Angie left you a sandwich?" Eli asks.

I nod. "We were joking at dinner yesterday about me missing our boxed meals, and tonight she left me a sandwich at my station at work."

"Did you see her?" Jazz leans forward when she asks.

I give a small cough and shake my head.

"Did it taste different?"

I nod. "She knows I don't like mayonnaise or mustard, so she tried a new spread on it for me."

Jazz looks at Rais. "Go ask her."

Rais leaves the room.

"What's going on?" I can't figure out where this is going.

Jazz looks at Eli. He nods back at her. "Hana, you remember I came from Amity, originally, right?"

I nod.

"They give people something there to help them keep the peace. I talked to Sultana and Carly before they left. It sounds to me like someone gave you an overdose of it tonight."

Rais comes back in right about then. "Angie didn't fix anything for her."

Frightened, I look at Eli. "It's okay." He pulls me into his arms and kisses my temple. "I'm right here. Right now they have to get through Nick to get to me, and they have to get through me to get to you, and that won't happen."

"Who here would have access to something like that?" Rais asks. "I work Amity Patrol and didn't know about the stuff until you told me tonight."

Jazz looks at Eli, not Rais when she answers. "The only time I know of that it is used outside of the Amity Compound is when the Amity counselors give it to people with anger issues as part of their treatment."

Anger issues. The words echo in my head. I only know one person with severe anger issues…

My eyes are getting heavier; whatever Bekah gave me is working. I just need to tell Eli one thing before I fall asleep. "Eli."

"Yes, Sweetheart." I feel his lips on top of my head.

"It looks like you were right. I'm sorry I called you paranoid."


	62. Chapter 62- Aftermath

**Bekah- Hana's friend and roommate; a Dauntless Nurse**

**Conner- (Mentioned) co-worker of Hana's, and Bekah's fiancé**

**Ava- (Mentioned) One of the Dauntless Leaders**

**Carly- Hana's friend and co-worker**

**Sultana- control room supervisor and Amar's grandmother**

**Jazz- Part of Eli's initation class, one of Hana's trainers, Sultana's daughter-in-law, Amar's mother**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband, works in maintenance**

**Jude- (mentioned) Eli's pyromaniac? ex-girlfriend**

**Marley- (mentioned) Eli's other ex-girlfriend- than again, maybe she's the pyromaniac…**

**Taylor- Eli's mom**

**Abram- Eli's dad**

**Kamil- (mentioned) Sultana's husband, Amar's grandfather**

**Jillian- (mentioned) Hana's niece in Abnegation**

**Abilyn- Hana's roommate, works on Factionless Patrol**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. I enjoyed your reactions to the accidents, and your guesses as to what is going on. **

**Thank you, as always, to Bahrfamily, who has decided (after looking at the constructive criticism and adding her own) that she is going to remove a couple of words from my vocabulary... and therefore continues to be the perfect Beta (for me) that she is...**

**62 Aftermath**

In front of me is a glowing wall of crimson, amber, and orange, with threads of cobalt shot through it that hisses and crackles and pops at me. I cover my mouth with my sleeve and look through the break in the smoke. Eli is standing there. I open my mouth to yell and to call out a warning to him, but I end up coughing.

As I lean forward, I feel someone rubbing my back. My coughing slows down and I open my eyes. I'm in the infirmary. Eli is behind me, rubbing my back.

"Relax, Hana," he croons softly, "you're safe. I'm here. Just relax."

The sound of his voice calms me, and I lean back against him. He wraps his arms around me, and he kisses my hair. "Eli!" I clutch at his arms.

"It's okay, Sweetheart, it's okay. You're here with me."

I feel tears stinging at my eyes, but before they can fall, Bekah bustles in. "I heard coughing. Is she awake?"

"I'm awake," I croak.

"Good. Okay Eli, out you go." She takes my hands and helps me lean forward so Eli can get out from behind me. "The respiratory therapist is less than thirty minutes out. I need to get her ready."

Eli moves out from behind me. He kisses my cheek and looks at Bekah seriously. "I'll be just outside that door if you need anything."

Bekah shakes her head. "Out, Eli, she'll be fine for 15 minutes."

Eli reluctantly leaves the room.

"I didn't think Erudite would be around early enough for you still to be on shift." I comment.

Bekah smiles at me. "I'm not." She takes a deep breath. "All of us who aren't at work are here."

I look at her, puzzled.

"Hana, you were in a fire last night," she says patiently, "and you suffered from smoke inhalation. Every Pedrad is in the waiting room, plus all of our friends who don't have to be at work right now. Everyone is worried about you."

She helps me stand up.

"But if you're off work…" I start, about to protest that she shouldn't be in here.

Bekah smiles at me. "And Rodney," she names the only male nurse in Dauntless, "happens to be on duty right now. Would you like me to get him to help you get ready?"

I shake my head no in response. "Thank you for being here, then."

"Eli has been pretty worried about you," Bekah says softly. "I came in here last night to make _him_ leave for the night so you could sleep, and somehow he managed to convince _me_ that since you were asleep on his shoulder and the doctor liked having you propped up, I should just leave you there." A genuine smirk grows on Bekah's face. "So, in other words, Hana, you slept with your fiancé last night!"

* * *

The respiratory therapist is a slender Erudite with long curly dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. "I'm Marisa." She holds out her hand for me to shake. "I hear you inhaled some smoke last night," she says.

"It wasn't by choice," I tell her.

"I sure it wasn't." She smiles grimly. "You're pretty lucky that you're just seeing me, and not and the burn specialist, too."

Eli's hand tightens around mine. Before she said that, I hadn't thought about the fact I could have been burned, or worse…

She pulls out a small suitcase and opens it up. "This is a Spirometer. We're going to start out by measuring your lung capacity." She pulls out a clip. "I'm going to use this to clamp your nose shut so you have to use your mouth to breathe. You'll take a deep breath and blow out in this." Next she shows me a tube with a handle on it. "This machine will then measure your lung capacity. Depending on what we find, I'll either dismiss you, or give you a treatment to help your lungs function better after your experience last night." Leaning forward, she clamps my nose closed. "Take a couple of deep breaths with this on first; and then we'll have you take the actual test."

She keeps one eye on the read-out and one eye on me as I take the test. Her lips flatten into a straight line when we're finished. "Okay, Hana, you do have some damage." Her eyes shift from me to Eli, to our hands. Eli clasps my hand tightly, like he's afraid to let go. "I don't think it is permanent, but I do think we need to stay on top of it." She pauses for half a second. "I'm guessing you two are either married, or engaged?"

"Engaged," Eli answers quickly.

Marisa nods once. Her face softens into a smile. "Then listen carefully. We're what, about a month away from Nuptials Day? Your biggest risk right now is pneumonia." Marisa holds my eyes with hers. "If you get pneumonia, there's a chance, that you will be sick on Nuptials Day. That isn't what you want, is it?"

"No!" The thought of having to wait another year to marry Eli isn't a pleasant one.

"Okay, so I'm assuming that's all I need to say, and I won't have to worry about you taking your breathing treatments, right?"

"Don't worry." Eli's voice is strong. "_I'll_ make sure she takes them."

Marisa's eyes twinkle at the forcefulness of his answer. Pulling out a sheet of paper and a pen she continues. "Here's what I want you to do..."

* * *

Eli has my new inhaler stuffed in the pocket of his shirt. His arm is wrapped tightly around me. He isn't about to let go, and that's okay with me. I have my arm wrapped around his waist almost as firmly.

Leeann stands on my other side. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes." I assure her. Eli and Leeann have been the most opposed to my preferred path back to Taylor's and Abram's apartment. They don't understand why I feel the need to see the control room. I'm not even sure I can explain it. I just know I need to see what it looks like after the fire.

We walk to the door, and I look in; Eli stands behind me with his arms wrapped around me, like he is prepared to catch me if I fall. The room is a mess, with water still dripping from some of the surfaces and the walls black from the smoke. My work station and Conner's work station are charred beyond recognition; both look like they might fall apart if anyone touches them. The air smells of smoke and burnt wood.

There are two people in the room, covered head-to-toe in blue suits, from strange hats with elastic around the edge to cover their hair, to booties to cover their shoes. One of them is looking around, taking pictures and writing things down in a notebook. The other one stands by my desk, taking samples of what is left.

Even with these two Erudite members still collecting evidence, they've already started cleaning it up. Factionless workers in every faction color move quietly around the room. Every one of them wears a mask over their face. When I see one of them in a black sweatshirt, I feel myself start to shake, until he turns around and I see no yellow thread closing rips, but instead a large rectangular blue patch covering a hole.

"What's wrong?" Eli whispers.

"The cleaner was wearing a black sweatshirt." I take a shaky breath. "I guess when I saw that one, I started to panic."

He pulls me away from the door. "Time to go. You don't need to see any more of this."

"What's going to happen?" I ask after we clear the doorway.

Leeann answers that question. "I spoke to Ava this morning, when you were still asleep; she came and checked on you. She said there will be an inquiry. You, Carly, and Sultana will need to give your version of what happened that night. Chaz is going to testify about what he found with the rest of the accidents. Jazz told her about her theory. She might be called on to tell what she knows, but they may have…" Leeann pauses for a second over the name, "Jude's counselor come to Dauntless so he can explain how the serum works, and we can try to piece together what happened."

"When are we meeting?"

Leeann smiles grimly. "You have the advantage of being engaged to a Pedrad, Ava said that. They are rearranging schedules so she and Max can interview Carly and Sultana today. Jazz and Chaz will be either today or tomorrow, depending on how long Carly and Sultana take. Right now, they are planning on you resting today, and seeing if you are up to testifying tomorrow."

Eli looks at me for just a second then leans down. The next thing I know I'm in his arms. "Eli, I can…" I start, but the look he gives me keeps me from saying any more.

"Hana, you are supposed to be resting. For once, humor me."

* * *

Eli tucks me into Leeann's old bed fully dressed, and then hands me my inhaler. "Take your medicine, and then you need to sleep." He watches me carefully to make sure I take the three puffs just like I'm supposed to.

He kisses my cheek. "I'll be right outside the door." He kisses my other cheek. "So, you don't need to worry." He kisses my forehead. "I'll be right here." He kisses my nose and then my neck. "No one is getting to you." He softly kisses my lips. "No one."

I smile against his lips. "Not even Leeann?"

Eli laughs as he moves away from me. "Not even Leeann."

* * *

When I finally wake, up Eli has brought a chair into Leeann's old room and is sitting there, just looking at me. "What's wrong?" I whisper.

Eli leans forward in his chair and cups my face in his hand, just looking at me for another moment. I'm about to repeat my question when he moves his hand and brushes his fingers lightly along my cheek a couple of times. "Nothing is wrong." His voice is soft and full of emotion. "I just had to come and check on you." In the dim light of the bedroom I can just make out him swallowing. "I'm just a little afraid to let you out of my sight right now."

I sit up and scoot over a little on the bed. I pat the spot I just vacated, for him to sit closer to me. When he sits down, he reaches over and grabs my hand. "You have no idea how scared I was when Chaz got that call and I realized you were there. I was so afraid I would never see you again." He lets go of my hand and touches my face. I see the tears building in his eyes. "I'm so looking forward to being married to you and nights like last night when you can fall asleep in my arms, and I can wake up to your beautiful face every morning." His voice is just a whisper, just like his finger that traces my lips.

I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck; he wraps his arms around me and we hold each other tight. At first we just hold each other; it just feels so right, so good, to be wrapped in his arms, to feel his strength protecting me. He pulls me onto his lap and our lips find each other. They are long, lingering kisses, full of pent-up desire and relief. My hands slip from his neck and follow the muscles of his shoulders. His hands move up and down my back.

Quiet laughter from the other room startles us, and we are both breathless when we pull away from each other. "We should probably join them." Eli's voice is husky.

"It's probably not a good idea for us to stay in here, alone," I admit, noticing for the first time that the door is only cracked open. I start to cough.

"Try not to talk much." Eli helps me stand up.

"Carly stopped in about lunch time," he tells me as we walk to the door. "She wanted to check on you when she was through telling leadership about what she noticed the night of the fire. Evidently, they asked her a lot of questions, not just about how the fire started, but about how you acted that night."

When Eli opens the door and we walk into the family room, I discover Nick has "guard" position. He sits on a kitchen chair that he has shoved under the doorknob with only the back two legs touching the ground. Part of me wants to laugh at the sight, but the rest of me understands that it is the family's concern for me that has him in such an awkward position, and that scares me a little.

"Are you hungry?" Taylor asks me as Eli walks with me from the bedroom to the sofa. I don't dare complain about the way he's hovering over me right now; I'm afraid if I do, he'll just scoop me up and carry me to the couch.

I'm pretty sure if I speak right now, I'm going to start coughing, so I just nod.

"Soup sound good?"

I nod again. Soup sounds great on my throat.

Shortly after Eli gets me tucked on the couch next to him, there are three quick knocks on the door, then a short pause, and two more. "Who is it?" Nick asks in response.

"Sultana, Jazz, and Amar," Sultana's muffled voice answers.

Nick looks over at Eli, who stands up and nods. Nick moves his chair out of the way and slowly opens the door, allowing the three of them to walk in, with Sultana holding Amar.

"We came to check on Hana," Jazz says softly. Eli sits back down after Nick closes the door. Jazz scans the room quickly: Leeann sits on the love seat opposite me, with Chaz, while Abram sits on the chair closest to the edge of the couch Taylor has been sitting at.

"She just got up, and she hasn't eaten yet," Taylor explains as she hands me a bowl of soup.

"How are you?" Sultana asks, siting down in the last empty chair.

"I feel okay." My voice is a little hoarse. "Eli made me sleep, so that helped."

Jazz sits on the floor by Sultana. Amar slips off Sultana's lap and walks past his mother, over to El and holds his hands up for Eli to pick him up. Eli smiles and awkwardly lifts him onto his lap. Amar then reaches over for my soup. I smile and feed him a spoonful, then I take a spoonful myself. Amar leans forward when he is done, with his mouth open. I laugh and get ready to give him another spoonful.

"Amar," Jazz gets his attention by just saying his name. "Don't take Hana's food."

"It's okay." My voice actually sounds a little better after the few spoonfuls of soup I've had.

"You are such a Stiff," Eli mutters.

Jazz's chime-like laughter floats through the air as she turns her attention back to Amar. "What do you say, Amar?"

"P-ease, Ha-na." He separates his words in careful syllables.

I feed him another bite.

"So, how did it go?" Taylor asks Sultana and Jazz.

Jazz looks at Sultana for her to go first. "They said my story and Carly's story match up. The big mystery is why I didn't question the Factionless person who was cleaning." She shrugs. "I wish I had a good answer for that. I saw him, but I just didn't think to ask why he was so early, or why there was only one person." She sighs heavily. "It wasn't very smart of me."

Abram laughs and speaks up unexpectedly. "Not much of a Nose these days, are you?"

Sultana shakes her head regretfully. "No, I guess I'm not."

"Nose?" I ask, as I feed Amar another bite.

The room laughs, but it is Abram who answers me. "Sultana, Kamil, Taylor, and I were in the same initiate class. Kamil started calling her Nose because," he touches his nose, "as Kamil said, 'a Nose always knows.'"

I must still look puzzled.

"I transferred from Erudite," Sultana explains.

It's kind of like Eli calling me Stiff.

"Did they talk to you?" Eli asks Jazz.

"Yes. They asked me what I know about Amity's peace serum. I think they're going to talk to Jude's counselor, too, but knowing how Amity counselors operate…" her voice loses its musical quality and picks up a hard edge, "he won't tell them much unless this moves on to Candor."

"Candor?" I question as Eli takes the cracker off my plate and hands it to Amar.

No one responds to my question.

I look around the room. "Someone, please, explain to me why Candor would be involved?"

Eli finally sighs heavily and responds, "They are treating it as not just a probable arson but also a possible attempted homicide." His arm tightens around me. "They took Marley to Candor last night. Most likely they'll put her under truth serum in the next couple of days to find out if she was involved."

I let that sink in for a second then ask the obvious follow up. "And Jude…?"

Eli's jaw tightens. "When they find her, she'll go to either Amity or Candor."

"When they _find_ her?" My voice is strained.

Taylor reaches out and rubs my arm. "She disappeared on patrol more than an hour before the fire. No one knows where she is."

"Mom!" Eli sounds shocked.

"She needs to know." Taylor talks over me. "She needs to understand what is going on, why we're being so careful." She points in the direction of Nick and his post at the door. "Why they are letting all of us off work right now. Hana's brave enough to handle that. Not letting her know isn't fair to her."

I put my empty bowl down on the coffee table. Amar reaches out for me, and Eli very willingly surrenders him. "I do deserve to know, Eli." I keep my voice down because of Amar.

Eli pulls me and hugs me with the arm he already has around me. "I know, but that doesn't mean I don't want to protect you."

Amar yawns and I snuggle him closer and sway gently like I used to do with Jillian. "Is it nap time?" I softly ask Jazz.

She nods.

So I hold Amar close and continue rocking him. As I do, Leeann catches my eye, sitting forward on the sofa with tension rolling off her. My first thought is that she's still worried about Jude still being out there I still out there somewhere, but then I realize, that that her look is very different from the one she had at the clinic last night. I wonder why she is… apprehensive.

* * *

I haven't figured out yet how I'm going to get my tablet so I can contact Natalie. Leeann packed me a bag from the apartment, but the tablet is hidden, and it's not like I can tell her where it is hidden, since she's not supposed to know about anything of the things I have hidden. I'm guessing Natalie knows about the fire in the control room and that I was involved. After all, she knew when I had the concussion; I can't imagine how she wouldn't know about this.

If I could go to the apartment and pack a few more of my things, I might be able to pick it up. But Eli isn't letting me out of his sight. He even stands guard outside the bathroom door. I'm hoping he sleeps, but I'm not sure he has yet. I keep thinking he's going to have to leave for work, but when I mentioned it to him he informed me that he is off work until they find Jude.

I really hope they find her soon… for more reasons than just that.

* * *

It's the same three quick knocks, a pause, and two more, but this time, they seem quicker, sharper. Nick is actually asleep, so Abram is the one currently on watch at the front door. His head jerks up from the card game he and Taylor have been playing for the last hour. "Who is it?" His voice is tense. Part of me wonders if Abram could really handle it if someone like Jude was on the other side of the door. I realize I'm actually more confident that Taylor could handle an intruder better than he could.

"It's Abilyn! We've found her!" Her excitement carries across the room.

Eli again stands up before his dad opens the door.

Abilyn stands in front of us, her eyes bright with elation, and she's slightly out of breath from running. "We found Jude about an hour ago," she pants. "She was locked in an abandoned building in her section." She smiles widely. "But get this… she was wearing blue jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt with yellow thread stitching up some tears. They are taking her to Amity right now!"

"Why Amity?" I question.

Abilyn sighs and sits in the chair Sultana sat in earlier. "We tried to send her straight to Candor, but Amity protested because she's already under treatment with an Amity counselor. They say that he needs to be able to observe and evaluate her mental state before they decide if she can handle the truth serum in Candor."

"What!" Leeann shrieks. "You mean, if they decide she's crazy- and we all know she is- that she won't go to Candor?"

"It's more of a case of _until_ they decide she's competent than of a case of she might never go," Abilyn says slowly. She obviously doesn't agree with this any more than we do.

Eli looks at Abilyn and asks the next question. "How did she get locked in?"

"That's the big question." Abilyn concedes. "Jude says she doesn't know."

"Did she admit to anything?" Leeann asks anxiously.

"No, she says she heard something in that room and went to investigate. The door closed on her and wouldn't open. She claims she was in there the whole time, but no one believes her," Abilyn says grimly. "The next question we have is _why_ anyone would lock her up."

"She locked herself up." Eli's voice is flat.

"How did she do that?" Abilyn asks. "It's not like the door locked behind her. There was a bunch of debris that fell and barricaded the door."

"I don't know," Eli admits, "but if we can ever get her to Candor, I bet we find out she did it herself…"

* * *

Within a day, it's amazing the change that having Jude and Marley in custody in other factions makes. Leeann and Chaz actually leave Taylor's and Abram's apartment and head home, although Nick and Eli are still staying in their old room in Taylor's and Abram's. I wish they would go back to their apartment, but I don't really see that happening until after everything has been taken care of in Candor. Part of me even wonders: if they don't interview Jude in Candor until after Nuptials Day, will Eli and I move in with Taylor and Abram after we first get married?

His parents are great, but I sure hope it doesn't come to that!

Taylor has already approached all of the Dauntless leaders about Jude. At her prodding, each of the leaders has already talked to Amity's spokesperson, but none of them can get Amity to agree to send her to Candor without the counselor's approval, which, for some unknown reason, he refuses give. So, although we know Marley will be interviewed under truth serum in two days, we still don't have any idea when we can hope for the same with Jude.


	63. Chapter 63- Garden Top

**Marley- Eli's ex-girlfriend and Dauntless rumor mill; she has accused Hana of being pregnant and predicted that Eli would leave her if she lost the baby; she is currently being held by Candor for questioning**

**Jude- Eli's OTHER ex-girlfriend, she is mentally unbalanced and has anger issues, she is at Amity for observation**

**Gayle- (Mentioned) Hana's older sister; she's still in Abnegation**

**Trina- (Mentioned) Kelly's older sister; she is Divergent and believed to be dead (but she's not, Natalie rescued her)**

**Zane- (Mentioned) Jude's fiancé**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband; he works in maintenance**

**It sometimes surprises me when you, my wonderful readers, see conspiracies when I don't... The Amity counselor, unless something changes, is simply acting the way they seem to on the news. They try to keep the patient out of the courts as much as possible. That's all. Anyway, before I say something I shouldn't... here's the next chapter...**

**And a HUGE thank you to Bahrfamily who did a wonderful job checking this chapter and has been keeping this chapter under wraps for a very long time... **

**63 Garden top**

Since Marley isn't actually charged with anything yet, her interrogation is not open to the public; but since I am involved in it, they are letting Eli and me sit in on it. The room is small, with one chair in the middle and others in a semi-circle in front of it. Eli and I sit towards the edge. An older woman, probably nearing sixty with iron gray hair, approaches Marley, along with a dark-skinned man whom I guess to be in his thirties. The man holds a black box with the truth serum in it.

"My name is Daphne and this is Niles." The woman introduces herself and her companion to Marley and motions for her to take the seat in the middle. "We will be your questioners today."

"Why are there two of you?" Marley asks, her voice shaking slightly.

Daphne smiles. "I am retiring soon and Niles has been chosen to take over my position. I will be doing most of the questioning. Niles may do some, but I will do most of it."

Marley nods her understanding.

Niles silently takes an antiseptic wipe and cleans the side of Marley's neck. "Just relax while I inject you with the truth serum." He puts his nail over a spot on Marley's neck and then looks to Daphne for confirmation. Daphne nods, and he sticks the needle in that spot in Marley's neck. Her whole body slumps, like suddenly she is too worn out or too heavy to hold herself up. Niles looks at her for a moment. "She should be ready," He tells Daphne.

"I'm going to start by asking you some basic questions while you adjust to the serum. Is that okay?" Daphne asks.

"It has to be, doesn't it?" Marley answers; her eyes seem to be unable to focus on any of us for too long.

"What is your full name?"

"Marley Hudson."

"Who are your parents?"

"Roger and Alix Hudson."

"Marley, what is your history with Eli?" Daphne's voice is soft.

"Eli and I dated for a while." Her eyes settle on Eli for just a moment, then move again.

"Dated, past tense, as in you two are no longer seeing each other?" Daphne probes. Marley only nods in response to this question.

"Did you break up with him, or did he break up with you?"

"He broke up with me, several years ago." The words seem to tumble out of Marley's mouth. "He didn't like the fact that I dated more than one guy at a time."

"And what is your history with Hana?"

Marley almost laughs. "I have no history with Hana. Other than, she stole Eli."

"She stole Eli?" Niles breaks in, puzzled. "You and Eli weren't together, so how do you figure she stole him?"

"Eli would have come back to me if I would have quit dating the other guys. I always knew he was just with Jude until I decided I was ready to settle down."

My head turns automatically to Eli to see his reaction.

He looks puzzled. He leans close to me. "I have no idea where she got that idea."

"And Hana?" Niles asks.

"I didn't even know he was dating Hana until they were engaged."

Daphne takes over again. She leans forward a little. "Lately, it's seemed that someone has been trying to hurt Hana. Do you know anything about these incidents?"

Eli leans forward. I put my hand on his arm. His other hand covers mine.

"I don't know anything about them." Marley shakes her head.

Eli motions to Niles to come over. While Eli whispers something to Niles, Daphne asks the next question. "Did you want to hurt Hana?"

"I may not be happy that he's marrying her, but I wouldn't actually hurt her," Marley answers quickly.

Niles thoughtfully walks back over to her. "Marley, why do you think Eli is marrying Hana?"

"Because she's pregnant," Marely responds.

"Would you do anything to cause her to hurt her baby, to cause a miscarriage?" Niles presses on.

Marley shakes her head violently. "No! I may not be happy that he's marrying her, but I wouldn't hurt her or her baby. That wouldn't be right."

"About that, why do you think she's pregnant? Who told you that?"

"No one told me that. I figured it out by myself. Eli always said he'd never get married. It would take something big like that to make him change his mind."

"Then you don't know for certain that she really is pregnant?" Niles continues.

Marley seems to struggle for a moment. "You're right, I don't know that she's pregnant."

"I understand you have a nice charm bracelet," Daphne takes over again.

Marley smiles. "Yes, I do."

"May I see it?"

Marley holds up her wrist.

"There seems to be a charm missing?"

Marley sighs. "The 'M' Eli gave me when we were dating. It kept falling off. I meant to get it fixed, but before I did… I lost it."

"Who was around, the last time you know you had it?" Niles questions her.

"Jude, Zane, and some guy I met earlier that day. I don't remember his name."

"Do you know who has been causing Hana's accidents?" Daphne cuts back in.

Marley closes her eyes for a second. "I don't know, but if I had to guess, it would be someone even more upset that he's marrying Hana than I am."

"And who would that be?" Daphne leans in closer to her.

"The only person I know of," Marley says, fastening her eyes on Daphne, "is Jude."

* * *

"Meet you at the top in an hour," Eli whispers to me as we set down our trays after dinner back in Dauntless. His easy smile is back in place; having Marley cleared and Jude in custody seems to have improved his mood.

I smile back; it's nice to act like us again, like the Dauntless couple who hid their relationship instead of flaunting it.

"I need to go check in with Leeann on something."

It's nice to have him feel like he doesn't have to be at my side every single moment.

Eli kisses my cheek close to my ear. "See you then."

My smile grows. Then again, it's nice for everyone know we're a couple, too.

* * *

In this weather, she has a black leather jacket slung over her shoulder. Her bare shoulder shows a rather large tattoo of Dauntless flames on it, her hair is fuchsia, and her eyes are an odd shade of blue-green. I draw my eyebrows together as I try to decide if I'm right: is it Natalie? It's her eyes that are throwing me off.

She looks at me and winks. Then she crooks her finger twice and motions for me to come with her, so I follow her down the path to her old room.

"What's going on?" I ask her once we are safely inside.

"I just need to talk." She flops down on the bed.

"About what?" I sit on the edge of the bed, next to her.

"I went to the other side of the fence with the council candidates." She suddenly sits up. "By the way, your sister was one of the candidates."

"That's right." I knew she was up for one of the positions for her initiate class.

"I got to know her on the way there." Natalie smiles. "She misses you, did you realize that?"

"I miss her, too."

"I told her you were getting married this year," Natalie admits.

"Natalie!" I can't believe she did that. Since Eli and I weren't engaged on Visiting Day she shouldn't about us until two weeks before Nuptials Day when Erudite publishes the names of everyone getting married. If Gayle accidently lets it slip, there is no good way for her to explain how she knows that.

"She doesn't remember the converstaion. She was given the memory serum before she came home, but she asked all sorts of questions about Eli before that happened. Don't worry, I only told her the good things!"

"Thank you," I whisper. It's nice to know that, even if she doesn't remember it, Gayle knows about Eli. Then I remember why Natalie was going to the other side of the fence. "So how did things go with… David? That is his name, right?"

Natalie groans. "That's his name. It went as good as it was going to. He tried to talk me out of marrying Andrew."

"That didn't work," I predict confidently.

"You're right. It didn't." She lies back down, facing the ceiling. "I just don't understand what he has against Andrew."

"Why do you say he has something against Andrew?"

"Because he wasn't trying to talk me out of getting married, so much as he didn't want me to marry _Andrew_. He made all sorts of mean comments about Andrew. He doesn't even know him!"

"I think you're right," I say softly.

"I'm right about what?" Natalie asks.

I lie down next to her on my stomach, and turn my head so I can see her. "That David's jealous. He may not have a problem with the idea of you getting married, but he sees himself as the groom. He's having problems letting go."

Natalie sighs. "I was afraid of that, but…David and I would never work, even if we _were_ on the same side of the fence. We don't believe the same things. I can't agree with him on one thing he is positive about." Her face becomes determined. "You and Andrew are two of the best people I know, and Gayle- I may have just met her, but she's a good person, too, I can tell. To David, the three of you put together aren't worth as much as Trina, because she's Divergent." Natalie's voice is strong with her conviction and her distaste for David's viewpoint.

I have to smile at how positive she sounds. "I'm glad you're on my side."

"Always."

I check my watch. "I have to go meet Eli!" I jump up.

"Go! Don't keep him waiting. He'll send out a search party for you!" She's trying hard not to laugh.

"You wouldn't think it was funny if he found me here!" I check the hallway to make sure it is clear, so I can leave.

"Oh, Hana!" Natalie calls out to me; I pause, with the door open.

"Gayle's going to be a new council member. It will be official at the next meeting."

* * *

Thanks to Natalie, I'm a couple of minutes late to Vi's garden, so I fully expect to see Eli there, waiting for me, but he's not. I stand in the doorway for a moment, trying to decide if I'm going to go wait for him in the cold, or wait here in the staircase. The peace and the view from the rooftop finally win, and I step out into our world.

There is new snow waiting on the bench. I brush it off with a gloved hand, then debate about sitting down. There is a rustle behind me. That's funny; I didn't hear the door open. I turn around, smiling at him. The smile quickly dies on my lips.

It isn't Eli.

"Hello, Jude, I didn't expect to see you here." I struggle to keep my voice even.

"I bet you didn't." Jude's voice is snide and sharp.

"I thought you were at Amity."

Jude laughs, and it isn't a comforting laugh, like Eli's; her laugh wraps around me like fear. "I'm sure you did." She walks closer to me. "The problem for you is, when I'm surrounded by people on peace serum, there's a lot I can do to convince them I can be trusted."

I stand there for a moment, trying to decide if I should head for the door, or just wait for Eli to show up. He'll be here soon.

"They took me to Amity after your accidents," she says her voice hard. "They say I'm responsible," she laughs a quick, sharp laugh. "Can you imagine that?"

She walks towards me. Her eyes glinting at me in the early evening light. "Of course you can." She's less than a yard away now. "_You're_ the reason they think that. A little Abnegation Stiff who thinks she can come play Dauntless and take my man." She starts to circle around me.

It occurs to me that it would be a very bad idea to let her be behind me. My Dauntless instincts kick in, and I turn the circle with her, so she's always in front of me.

"If it wasn't so funny, you'd be pitiful," she spits at me. She's made her way full circle, and we stand face to face, where we started. My mouth is dry.

"Nothing to say, huh?" She takes a step forward.

"What about Zane?" I pray my voice sounds even.

"Zane? _Zane_?" Her voice is sharp and she laughs. "Are you the _only_ person who doesn't realize how much Zane looks like Eli? Zane was always, _only_ just to get Eli jealous. I only made him propose to me because I thought it would make Eli realize what he's about to lose."

She laughs at the stunned look on my face. "Yes, that's right, I _made_ Zane propose. I know things…"

That's when I see it: the knife in her hand.

Automatically, I take a step backwards to try to stay out of her reach, but she lunges towards me.

"Eli was mine before you. He'll be mine after you. Zane means nothing to me. He never has, and he never will."

She makes a grab at me, but I'm too fast. One advantage of being small: I can move quickly.

But Jude is fast, too. She misses me with the knife but manages to snag my coat with her empty hand. "I can make this fast and relatively painless, or slow and painful." She pulls me against herself. The blade of her knife slowly traces the side of my face. For now, she's only trying to scare me. She's not pressing down enough to break the skin.

"What do you want?" I'm relieved that my voice is still sounds strong.

Her short laugh is mirthless. "The same thing I've always wanted: Eli."

I don't have any response to this. Telling her Eli is mine isn't a good idea. Telling her that I'll give Eli up would be a lie. We both know that isn't going to happen. So I don't say anything.

Besides Eli will be here any minute, all I have to do is hang on.

"He's not coming, you know." Her voice is soft, menacing. "Not in time to save you, at least."

Involuntarily, my head whips towards her.

She moves the blade to the side of my neck and presses harder. "There's been an emergency in Tech Support. It seems there's a problem with the cameras." I hear the smile in her voice. "Random cameras all over Dauntless are blinking in and out. I think they'll be busy with that for a little while."

All I can think is, I've got to get away from her and off of this roof.

I hear Max speaking to us during initiation, the day after he and Jude had been attacked by a Factionless man. "Stomp on their foot, hard. Ram your elbow into their diaphragm. Get the weapon away from them, but just as important- no, maybe _more_ important: get _yourself_ _away_ from them."

I swing my elbow back and pick my foot up at the same time. I feel the bite of the knife into my neck as my elbow finds her stomach and my foot finds her foot. There is a sharp feeling on the side of my neck that follows.

For a moment her grip falters. I try to pull away from her, but her grip around me tightens again. I'm not going anywhere.

"Nice…" she coughs, "try."

I swallow hard.

"I guess that means you're going for the slow and painful option. I was actually hoping for that."

In that moment, she takes her knife off my neck, and I wonder where it is heading to now. It doesn't take me long to find out: I feel the point pressing against my stomach.

"A stomach wound hurts a lot, or so I hear." I feel her breath against my ear, and I try not to shudder. "And it takes a while to die from it."

I cannot let her do this. I cannot go down without a fight. Leaning back into her I force myself to go limp. I feel the knife slide up from my belly to my chin. It's all I can do not to panic; she hasn't cut me, yet.

She tries to pull me up, and that's when I drive my elbow into her diaphragm, my left hand wrapped around my right fist, ramming it back with extra power.

I hear her choke out a breath, and her grip on me falters. Pulling away from her, I run to the door.

My hand is on the knob when I hear her footsteps behind me. She's not running. I twist the knob, but it's locked. In all the times I've been up here, both with and without Eli, this door has never been locked. My Dauntless master key from Natalie is in the drawer in my room. I didn't expect to need it today. I turn around, my back pressed against the door.

"You're not getting away that easily," she sneers.

My eyes dart around, looking frantically for something to help me out of this situation.

Jude's cruel grin grows. "It's just you and me, and I can take you, Hana. I always could."

I see nothing on this part of the roof to help me. I can't let her get any closer to me. My best bet is to run around to the other side and call for the elevator. I can keep my back pressed to the door, and when it opens…

I run to the other side and frantically press at the call button.

Jude stalks around, her blue eyes glinting at me and that grin is frozen on her face. "Oh," the concern in her voice sounds sickeningly fake, "did I forget to tell you that, along with the cameras, and the door being locked, the elevators aren't working, either?" She shakes her head in mock regret. "Sorry."

I'm alone with her up here. There is no rescue coming, this time. If she's disabled cameras, who knows how long it will be, before anyone realizes we're up here, and she still has the knife. I have to concentrate on getting that knife away from her.

Up here, on the roof, I _should_ have an advantage. Eli once told me that I was the only one he had ever brought up here, and never ran into anyone else. I have to believe that I know the garden better than she does. I keep moving away from her, staying on the open side of the roof, while in my mind I search for a safe place in the garden.

All the containers are too small to be much good. The best I can think of to do in the garden is to run around the containers and hope she trips, but I could trip, too. I'm not sure that is such a good idea. So, I stay on the open roof, but away from the edges. If I get too close, she could push me over, and that would be the end of it.

The knife… how do I get the knife away from her? As long as she has that, I am at her mercy.

Can I reason with her? Can I talk to her? I back away. The crazed look in her blue eyes tells me this isn't even close to a possibility. I keep facing her, no matter which way she goes, as we walk around the roof. I am not about to let her get behind me. I have to make sure I can see her.

"How did you cause all of my accidents?" I ask her.

Jude stops for a moment. "You finally figure out that was me? Took you long enough. I guess there's no harm in telling you now, although you've been a hard one to kill."

I feel a chill run down my spine. Eli was right: all those little things happening weren't accidents.

"I have eyes and ears everywhere. I have something on half the members of Dauntless. It wasn't hard to get people to tell me what you had planned."

"Did Marley help you?" I know Marley was cleared in Candor, but I hope to distract her, and keep her talking.

Jude laughs, "Marley, help _me?_ No, she couldn't have kept her mouth shut, and she couldn't hurt a fly. If I wanted to start a rumor about the fly, I'd talk to Marley. If I wanted to hurt someone… Marley is _not_ the one I'd talk to."

"Who did you talk to?" I ask, suddenly sure from the way she said this, that there _was_ someone else involved, involved in more than just telling her what I was doing.

There is a noise behind her. I look over her shoulder, but I don't see anything. It sounded like it came from the garden. Maybe I should chance it. I back towards the garden. Jude matches me, step for step. She changes her grip on the knife, now holding it so that she can stab down on me. My mind keeps working on the problem: how do I get that knife away from her?

We step together. It would be funny how in sync we are, if her intent wasn't so deadly. The garden is behind me now, all I can see the door to the stairway. It is cracked open.

Hope shoots through me, followed quickly by panic; hope that if I can get to the door, I can get out of here; panic that whoever else is here, is here to help Jude.

My heart pounds frantically. I _have_ to try to get that knife if I'm going to have a chance to get away from her on the stairs. I still haven't mastered the ability to skip the landing without Eli to help me, and Eli isn't here.

I am almost to the garden. I have to make my move now. I stop, with my calves touching the container behind me. Jude raises the knife.

"Any last words?" she asks me softly.

"Don't." It's the last voice I expect; it's the only voice I want to hear. Eli.

His voice comes from behind me. I want to close my eyes with relief, but I don't dare. I can't take my eyes off Jude.

"Eli!" She takes her eyes off me and searches for him. I grab her arm that holds the knife and move so I have it twisted behind her. She fights me, pulling her arm away from me, while I try to pull it up to force her to let go of the knife. She swings back with her other arm and hits me, knocking me to the ground.

"Hana!" I hear Eli, but I see Jude. She stands over me, ready to plunge her knife into me. The knife starts to come down, but then suddenly, she is falling sideways, towards the garden. It's Chaz. What is he doing here?

Jude stands back up, the knife is missing from her hand. I scan the ground for it. It has to be here somewhere, and Eli, Chaz, or I have to be the one who comes up with it. I see it, just out of my reach. I roll towards it, so I roll towards it desperate to get my hands on it.

She starts for me again; even though her hands are empty she curls them to fit around my neck. Eli comes from behind her and turns her around towards him. "Stop it!" he yells.

Jude actually drops her hands.

I reach the knife and grab it, holding it in front of me.

Chaz takes the knife from me, and helps me up off the ground. I feel better with Chaz holding the knife. I remember is perfect throws in training, he can take Jude down with a single throw.

All I want is Eli, but right now, Chaz stands between me and Jude, and Jude stands between Chaz and Eli.

For a moment, Eli and Jude just stare at each other. I wonder what is going through each of their heads. I wonder how I can think clearly enough to wonder this.

I can tell from her back that Jude is relaxing, just a little.

"Why her?" she asks.

"What?" Eli is puzzled by her question.

"Why her and not me?" She takes a seductive step towards him. "I loved you first. You always told me you would never get married. I would have taken you however you would have let me." Her hands skim his arms. "I would have given you _anything_ you wanted." She leans into him like she is going to kiss him.

I remember seeing them kiss in the chasm when I first came to Dauntless. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is even stronger now than it was then.

"Jude…" he whispers her name.

"Yes?" She leans in even closer, her lips about to brush his.

I want to look away; I don't want to see what is about to happen. But I can't look away; I have to know if he lets her kiss him.

"Let's go to the Chasm and talk." His voice is soft, almost seductive. I don't want to hear him use that voice on her.

She pulls away from him. "If I can't have you, she can't have you, either. Which is it, Eli? Do I kill her, or you?"

"Me."

I start to scream, but Chaz covers my mouth. Jude moves towards Eli, her hands out from her chest to push him down. I realize he has been slowly backing up. If she pushes him down, he'll go off the roof of the Pire. She leans forward and he falls.

I turn my head away from Chaz and scream. "NO!" Chaz turns me around so I can't see what is going on.

I hear screams. Someone is falling, dying.

There are arms around me, from behind. Instinctively, I fight them.

"Hana, it's me." The arms move from holding me, and they turn me around. I feel hands on my face, forcing my face up. "Look at me," he commands.

"Eli!" My eyes fill with tears that stream down my face. My legs start to give way, and he lifts me up, cradling me in his arms.

"It's okay, Hana, I'm here, I've got you. She can't hurt you again. She's gone," he whispers into my hair, over and over again. He kisses my cheek, and then our lips find each other's. He's alive. I'm alive. Our kiss tastes like salt; Is it from my tears, from his tears? It's hard to tell. It's a kiss I never want to end. Eli pulls back before I'm ready for him to. He searches my face.

"What's this?" He puts me down and touches my neck.

I wince. At first, I'm not sure, and then I remember. "Jude might have cut me with her knife."

Eli closes his eyes.

"Chaz?"

There is a pause, and Chaz must respond in some way I miss.

"Hana's hurt. Stay up here. I'll send someone up. I'll let Leeann know you're okay, but I need to get Hana to the infirmary."

Eli picks me back up.

"I can walk," I inform him.

A fragment of a smile crosses Eli's lips. We've had this argument too many times recently. "I'm not letting go of you."

**For those of you who guessed Jude was going to die… sorry for throwing you off the track. The first draft of this chapter was written before I started publishing, so… yes, I knew she was going to die. I always knew she was going to die. There is still the issue of needing a bad guy for the next book…which I do think I figured out about a month ago, and I was a "duh" moment when I did!**

**So… after review after review after review of you all telling me how much you hate Jude, you finally never have to see her again. I find it a little odd (because I hated her too), but I'm going to miss her. I've never written a truly "bad guy" before. I enjoyed it so much more than I thought it would. If you get a chance, let me know what you think of Jude's death. Are you glad it happened? Do you wish I would have kept her around longer?**


	64. Chapter 64- Dauntless Gray

**Chaz- Leeann's husband, he was with Eli when he saved Hana **

**Jude- (Mentioned) Eli's deceased psycho ex girlfriend**

**Ava- (Mentioned) Dauntless leader**

**Taylor- Eli's mom**

**Kelly- One of Hana's roommates **

**Sultana- control room supervisor**

**Conner- Hana's co worker, Bekah's fiance**

**Bekah- One of Hana's roommates, getting married to Conner, former Erudite**

**Carly- (Mentioned) Hana's co worker**

**Tanner- Tech support supervisor**

**Mom- (Mentioned) Hana's mother**

**Marley- (Mentioned) One of Eli's ex-girlfriends, she is known for dating multiple guys and starting rumors**

**Abilyn- One of Hana's roommates, she's getting married too former Candor**

**Angie- (Mentioned) One of Hana's friends, Dauntless Cook**

**Aunt Taylor- (Mentioned) Leeann's aunt, Eli's mom**

**Vi- (Mentioned) Eli's Great-great grandma, she was a transfer from Amity. Her husband created the roof top garden where Hana and Eli used to meet for her.**

**Jazz- One of Hana's trainers, she's Amar's mother, and a former Amity**

**Gayle- (Mentioned) Hana's older sister in Abnegation**

**Conner- (Mentioned) Bekah's fiance**

**Ben- (Mentioned) Abilyn's fiance**

**Chaz- Leeann's husband**

**To clear up a little confusion on the last chapter. Eli didn't actually kill Jude. They were near the edge of the roof when Jude was coming at Eli, he simply ducked and her momentum took her over the edge. She died but he didn't push her over.**

**The question was also asked about why Chaz was with him. The explaination is in the beginning of this chapter.**

**And of course I want to thank the WONDERFUL, AWESOME, TERRIFIC Bahrfamily who, hopefully isn't going to kill me, when she realizes I forgot to have her look over the characters before I published this! We both missed the fact I forgot to list them at the start of this chapter! (And as you can see, there were several!)**

**64 Dauntless Gray**

I feel guilty.

I'm happy.

And that's _why_ I feel guilty.

Not because I'm happy that I'm alive.

Not because I'm happy that Eli is alive.

Not because I'm happy that Ava found Eli to tell him that Jude had disappeared from A64mity.

Not even because I'm happy that it was Chaz, who works in maintenance and has a master key to all of Dauntless, whom Eli ran into while trying to get to the rooftop to find me.

No, I feel guilty because I'm happy that Jude is dead, and I shouldn't be happy that _anyone _is dead.

Not even Jude…

* * *

"We went through Jude's things," Max says as he enters Taylor and Abram's apartment.

"Oh?" Eli stands by the door, with his arms folded across his chest.

"The most interesting thing was her bottom drawer. It was full of Factionless clothing."

This is not surprising. It was an open secret in Dauntless that she dressed in Factionless clothing to see her father. I walk closer, to stand next to Eli, so I don't miss any of the conversation.

"It turns out that most of the clothing in that drawer was either the same size, or close to, the size of the clothes we found with blood on it after one of the beatings," Max adds.

Eli wraps an arm around me.

Max continues, "The other thing is that, when we compared the clothes that Jude was wearing, we found hers are not only an exact match for the clothes Sultana, Carly, and Hana all remember the Factionless cleaner wearing, but they also match the clothing the person was wearing on the tape that was pulled when Hana saw a Factionless woman being beaten up."

Eli's arm tightens around me as he asks, "So the beatings were Jude, too?"

"It appears that way. The only thing we can't figure out is why."

"Her dad," I state.

Eli and Max both turn to me. "Her dad?" Eli asks, while Max just raises his one good eyebrow questioningly at me.

"Jude dressed in Factionless clothes to see her dad. If those people messed with her dad…" I leave it hanging. They can figure out it from there.

Max looks thoughtful for a moment, then nods. "Okay, I think you have something there, Hana." He smiles. "I'll talk to Ava and the rest of the leaders, but I think we can consider the attacks on Hana, the fire in the control room, and the Factionless beatings all resolved."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with us until the wedding?" Taylor asks me as she hugs me on my way out the door. "We'd be happy to have you."

"I appreciate the offer, really I do, but I'd kind of like to enjoy my last days living with my friends." I step back.

Taylor nods. "I understand, and that's fine, but if you change your mind, the door is always open."

"Thank you." I shoulder my bag, which is the last thing I have left at their apartment.

"Let's go." Eli grins at me. "Bye Mom." He hugs her, too.

"Take care of each other." Taylor smiles at us as we leave.

"We will." Eli and I laugh as we say it in unison.

* * *

Home. I pause for a second before I touch the cool metal of the door knob. It feels so good to be walking into the apartment and to know that I'm safe here, and that Eli isn't going to be freaking out every moment we're apart.

"Are you alright?" he asks me gently.

"Yes." I look over my shoulder at him and smile. "I'm just glad to be coming home." I open the door to the sound of laughter coming from the living room. Tori is on her old spot on the couch, and Kelly is seated on the chair nearest her. "Hana!" Kelly jumps up when she sees me. "You're back!"

She walks up to me and for a second she pauses, then she hugs me. I freeze for a moment with my hands at my sides, then I hug her back. I'm getting so many hugs these days from my friends that I think I'd be used to them and shouldn't freeze at all when they happen.

Tori is there as soon as Kelly releases me, with a hug of her own. I'm more prepared for it this time and hug her back immediately.

"What are you doing here?" I ask Tori.

Tori laughs. "Getting myself a roommate!"

"Oh?" I hope that means what I think it means. I've felt guilty ever since Eli and I got engaged, knowing that we would be leaving Kelly with no one for roommates.

Kelly smiles. "Tori invited me to move into her place, and I've agreed. It seems like a lot better option than taking my chances with housing and either getting assigned a roommate or two, or ending up like Nick, with a place small enough for only one or two people."

Nick is staying in his and Eli's apartment. Unlike our apartment, it's small enough that he doesn't have to have a roommate.

I look at Tori and Kelly and I think to myself that this should work out just fine.

* * *

There's a mandatory meeting in the Control room the day I go back to work. Sultana wouldn't tell me what it was about, just that I needed to be at work half an hour before my scheduled start time. The control room is now on the eighth floor, next to Tech Support, where Eli works. The room that Eli once told me was "disputed territory" between our respective work places is now the temporary control room. They have the room set up very similarly to the old room on the fourth floor. The rows of desks with computers on it are in place just like they were. In fact, I spot Conner sitting about where we normally did with an empty next to him. He smiles and waves me over. "Good to have you back," he greets me as I sit down.

I've seen Conner with Bekah a couple of times since the fire, but it still feels good to have him say that. Part of me has been a little worried that everyone at work would see the fire as my fault, since Jude was after me, but it's more than Conner and Carly who stop by to say 'hi' or to welcome me back on their way to my desk. In a way it surprises me. After all, everyone has put in a ridiculous amount of over time in the last couple of months and me being out after the fire put them right back into overtime, but their concern for me and pleasure in me being back feels good.

Sultana steps to the front and quickly checks that there are no empty computers. No empty computers means everyone is here. "While we're waiting for our visitors to join us…" Sultana starts, but the door opens at that moment and the Tech Support team walks in. Eli stands at the back of the small group; his eyes find mine and he winks at me.

Tanner, the supervisor of the tech support team, walks over to Sultana who smiles at him and continues where she left off. "Now that we're all here, some of you know that for the last several years, both tech support and the control room have claimed this space. Since we are unable to use our previous space, due to the fire, we are currently using this space. Tanner and I have been doing a lot of talking recently, and I think we finally found our compromise."

Tanner takes over with his deep voice. "Right now, it is temporarily set up for the control room. When their remodel is finished on the fourth floor, they will move day-to-day operations back there. Tech support will come in behind them and move some of our equipment in here after they leave."

"The servers?" A short thin man asks.

"That's one thing, yes," Tanner answers. The group from tech support gives a small cheer.

"This room will remain set up for the control room to use, but in a slightly different manner." Sultana retakes control. She points to the blank wall our computers currently face. "Tech support is going to give us a bank of monitors on the wall. We'll leave about half a dozen computers set up here. This is going to be a backup room, a place that we can use not only if our room can't be used, but also if there is a crisis in the city. With the added equipment, we'll be able to control more things from here."

"Any questions?" Tanner asks looking around the room. No one says anything. "Okay, tech support, back to work!"

Eli leaves with a wave.

Sultana waits until all of Tech Support is gone. "The rest of what you need to know is this: after everything we have been through in the last six months we are reorganizing the Control Room. Starting today, feeds will be random. You will not be assigned a faction. You will log in and it will start feeding you random cameras. You may see three Dauntless cameras, followed by one Amity, then five Erudite. It will be more like it is during the overnights."

Everyone nods in understanding, but I can't help but wonder how this is going to impact what I do for Natalie.

Sultana smiles widely, "The upside of this, if we EVER have half the department out at one time again…" we all laugh. She's exaggerating, but not by much, "they have told us we won't have to cover as many shifts. We will just always need a minimum of three people logged in at any time and we can monitor the entire city."

* * *

"So," Eli drops the last armful of my clothes on the bed in our new room, "are you ready for this?"

I smile. "I'm ready. I think…"

"You think?" Eli looks concerned.

I take a deep breath. "I'm ready to be married to you. Don't misunderstand me." I pick up a couple of shirts and hang them in the closest. "I'm just…" I grab a couple more and put them in the closet without finishing my thought.

Eli grabs my hand and pulls me over to the bed. He sits down and just holds my hand. "Hana, talk to me."

I hear Mom nudging me, reminding me that he's the person I need to talk to the most.

"I'm looking forward to being married to you," I start off by assuring him. "I'm just a little nervous. I don't know what you expect and…" I stop, unsure of how to explain what I'm feeling past that.

"Hana, I expect us to figure it out together." Eli holds both my hands in his. "I have never, _ever_, wanted anyone the way I want you."

"Not even Marley or Jude?" I hold my breath when I ask.

Eli shakes his head. "Neither of them were ever a quarter of the temptation _you_ are." He pulls me closer to him. "Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do."

"And how to I make you feel?" I ask breathlessly.

Eli stands and tugs me closer to him, so we are flush against each other, his arms around my neck holding me tight as he kisses me deeply. "You make me feel like even this is too much space between us. I feel like, when you aren't here, part of me is missing. I want to get closer to you than this." Suddenly he pulls away from me. "Finish putting your clothes up and get out of here," he says gruffly.

Confused by his sudden mood change I remind him, "I thought I was going to help you."

Eli takes a deep breath and heads to the door. "That was the plan, but I'm starting to realize that if I spend any more time with you in here… it's only one day, Hana, but…"

I suddenly understand: the two of us being alone together in our new bedroom isn't a good idea right now. It's too much of a temptation. "I'll be gone as soon as I get them put up."

"I'll see you at dinner." He pauses at the doorway. "Make sure you're finished in here when you leave. I don't want to see you back in this room again until you're my _wife_."

* * *

A week ago, Kelly moved in with Tori. Part of me feels bad about it, like we've forced her out of her home. She could have stayed here until next Choosing Day, but I get the feeling that she feels like an outsider, like she's in the way, as we get ready for our new lives as married women.

"Can you believe that at this time tomorrow we'll all be married?" Bekah asks as she sits down on the couch.

Abilyn answers first. "You and I married, yes. I'm still adjusting to the thought of Hana getting married!"

I laugh. "And yet Eli and I have been dating longer than either of you!"

"But it doesn't count when we didn't know it!" Bekah whines.

Abilyn leans forward. "How long _did_ you two date?"

I smile. "We started seeing each other about 14 months ago."

"How did I miss it for that long?" Abilyn shakes her head.

"We were careful, and it probably helped that Eli was already in his 'over-protective-Hana-can't-walk-anywhere-by-herself-because-Jude-might-hurt-her' phase before we started trying to figure us out."

Abilyn and Bekah both laugh at my description. "Oh, my goodness!" Abilyn exclaims. "Do you mean that when I would see him walking you home from work when I got off my shift…?"

I smile. "We did a lot of talking and getting to know each other back in those days."

* * *

Leeann is the first one to the apartment in the morning. The three of us are up, but that's about as far as we've gotten. She holds a basket full of chocolate chip muffins in her hand. "Time to eat!"

We each grab one. Bekah pinches off a small bite. "I'm so nervous, I don't know if I can eat." She pops the bite into her mouth anyway.

Abilyn breaks hers in half and then half again, and eats the first quarter in one bite. "Did Angie make these?" she asks around the food in her mouth.

Leeann smiles. "She made them just for her three favorite brides. Come on, Hana, you can eat while I start on your hair."

I take my muffin with me. At least it will give me something to do while she fiddles with my hair.

* * *

There's a quick knock on the door and then it opens a second later. "I'm here!" Jazz's musical voice lilts through the air. "Amar's in a mood today, so I don't have long. Are you all ready?"

Leeann looks me over . She's still working on my makeup, but she decides, "I can finish this later." So we leave the bedroom and join the rest of them in the family room.

When we were all talking one night, we found out that each faction has a tradition of something for the bride to wear on her wedding day. The fact that we were only missing someone from Amity was a momentary let down, before Leeann announced that we should drag Jazz into it. We never told what our faction tradition was; we just each said we would cover our faction of birth. Leeann and Kelly worked together for Dauntless, and Tori and Bekah worked together for Erudite.

Abilyn, Bekah, and I stand there in our wedding dresses, unsure of what to expect. Kelly clears her throat and starts us off. "Something old," she says, as she and Leeann hand each of us something to wear. Kelly gives Abilyn a black pin with the word "Brave" in a flowing script on it, and then she gives Bekah a pair of black earrings that hang down just past her jaw.

Leeann hands me a black locket on a chain. As she fastens it around my neck she whispers, "Aunt Taylor says that I'm supposed to tell you it belonged to someone in the family named Vi."

I feel tears form in my eyes.

"In Dauntless," Leeann says to all of us, while I finger the heart she put on me, "we believe in tradition. We recognize that it takes bravery to leave the past behind and start building a new future as a couple."

"Something new," Abilyn speaks up next. She hands each of us new dress watches. The face of mine is black filigree that stands out from the plain black band. "The truth is we are starting new lives today." She smiles as she says the word truth. There are somethings we each hold onto from our old factions. "Just like on our Choosing Day, we leave something behind as we move forward towards our new lives."

It's my turn. "Something borrowed." I hand Abilyn a black handkerchief and Bekah a black ribbon. "When we get married, we borrow everything from our spouses. We must be willing to selflessly share with each other. We must be willing to borrow what we need and lend to the other what they need."

Abylin and Bekah both smile at me. Abilyn tucks the handkerchief in her pocket, and Bekah has Kelly help her tie the ribbon in her hair.

Leeann, however, looks horrified. "We didn't bring anything for you to borrow!"

I smile and run my finger along the inside of Natalie's bracelets. "Actually, a friend from Abnegation gave me something to borrow awhile back. Evidently she had someone in her family who came from Dauntless…" I trail off there.

"Did she know you were coming to Dauntless? Or have you seen her since then?"

"She gave it to Gayle to give to me," I lie.

"Oh!" Leeann looks mollified.

Bekah looks at Tori next.

"Okay, ours was kind of tricky," Tori starts out. "It's very… Erudite."

Bekah giggles. "Something blue!"

"Do you know how hard it is to find something blue that you three can have and not get caught with?" Tori shakes her head. "We may be doing something from all of the Factions, but we didn't want any of you to be labeled faction traitors." She pulls three navy blue safety pens from her pocket. "Pin these somewhere no one can see!" she warns.

"Blue," Bekah says in her best factual Erudite voice, "causes the body to release calming chemicals, and especially in your married life, you will need to have a calm, clear mind when dealing with your spouse."

We all chuckle, and the three of us quickly conceal the blue safety pins on the underside of clothing.

"And…" Jazz smiles at all of us, her right hand hidden behind her back, "a hayseed for your shoe!" She holds out three grass seeds in the palm of her hand. "The hay seed brings forth new life." She moves from one of us to the next so we can take a seed from her.

I reach for mine, but Leeann quickly reaches out and snags the last one from Jazz with a trembling hand. She stares at it for a moment like it might be dangerous, and she doesn't think I can be trusted with it. Then she sighs and hands it to me. I smile at her, sit down, pull off the high heels she picked out for me to wear under my dress, and place the seed in the toe.

We all look at each other. "Well," Abilyn breaks the silence, "I think we're probably the first brides to ever be covered by the wedding tradition of each of the five factions. Ladies, we have this marriage thing in the bag!"

* * *

I have just a moment before we leave for the Hub. Conner showed up first to pick up Bekah. Ben and Abilyn just left. Leeann and Chaz are waiting in the family room. I'm supposedly checking my room one last time to make sure that everything is in the bag that Leeann and Chaz will take to our new apartment for me.

Really, I just need a moment to myself. I need a moment to pause and reflect on what has happened in the last two and a half years since I came to Dauntless.

When I came here, I was Hana Wren, dressed in Abnegation gray, coming from a place where I never felt like I fit in or belonged.

Since then, I have worn Dauntless black, and oddly enough, in doing so I have learned that there is far _more_ Abnegation in me than I ever imagined.

I have learned that sometimes you must be brave to be selfless, like helping Natalie when that could get me labeled as a Faction traitor. I finger the bracelets she lent me. Abilyn said we were the only brides to ever do all five faction wedding traditions.

But somehow, I'm certain that Natalie has managed it, too.

"Hana!" Leeann says my name as she knocks on the door. "Eli's here, are you ready?"

Am I ready? I smile to myself. I'm more ready for this change than I was on the day of my Choosing Ceremony. Today I feel like, for the first time, I may actually know who I really am, who I am going to become…

Today I will become Hana Pedrad, and I will forever be my own shade of Dauntless Gray.

**A couple of things to note. The actual wedding tradition is a hay-penny (half penny) or a penny for your shoe, but… Dauntless doesn't have pennies, so, I substituted hay seed because it fit in with the rhyme. It was the best I could come up with.**

**Also remember, if you want to see Hana's and Eli's actual wedding, stay on Fanfiction! By the time you have read this far into the story, the first chapter of The Blackest Shade of Gray should be up. Please join me there. Hana's and Eli's story will continue in that book. **

**I want to take a quick moment to thank each and every one of you for taking time to read this book. Your reviews and interest in Hana's story have amazed me. I really didn't know if anyone would read it or not, if anyone would even care about the back story of such a minor character. I remember being terrified to publish the first chapter because I didn't know if anyone would read it. (Thank you, Bahrfamily for pushing me to publish it. How many emails did I get from you that week before, saying, "Just publish it!") I remember practically squealing when my first review came in. Sometimes I still squeal and feel like I should pinch myself to make sure it is really real. Thank you for standing with me and making a dream come true. I actually wrote a book that people have read and enjoyed. That wouldn't have happened without each and every one of you.**


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